TOP 10 HOMOEROTIC HORROR FILMS
By TheGayUK 27 October 2012 14:28:00 UTC
I’ve always felt that Horror movies were gay and not in the Chris Moyles sense. The good looking heartthrob, who incidentally always has great hair, teeth and wears Daz white Ts eventually get ripped and shredded by an ugly monster - it’s a bit like Saturday nights at The Black Cap. So I’ve decided to take a look at the top 10 homoerotic horror movies.
by Jake Simpson | 28th October 2012
10. Jeepers Creepers 2
The first time we see the winged monster from Jeepers Creepers (in the first movie) he’s preying after some boy in a cornfield, clearly after tasting boy fear he can’t help himself but go after an entire bus load of jocks. It’s a bit like Bait Bus but messier, a bit like HazeHim.com but deadlier. So after the bus, they are all travelling on, suffers a flat tyre, the boys proceed to lie on top of the bus half naked basking in the sunshine as well as taking extended urinating breaks together.
After doing away with the grown ups on the trip the Monster starts picking on the jocks, leaving the first victim half naked and provocatively draped on the ground for the remainder of the film. Hot.
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The first in the terrifying Hostel franchise fixates on the mutilation of younger, beautiful men by older, corpulent ones. Fresh faced studenty types find themselves in the perverted hands of a snuff company which facilitates a service whereby rich men can commit hideous bodily harm and eventual murder to young backpackers. It’s for this very reason I’m only sleeping 4 star now.
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8. American Psycho
Clean freak, misogynist, Christian Bale naked. Gay. The way in which he kills his female callers, hookers and models suggests a certain, I dunno, hatred of women. Potentially afraid of the moose knuckle? I’m not sure, but it’s a theory and I’m putting it out there. However he does put an axe in Jared Letos face and lets face it, if that isn’t a euphemism I’m not sure what is…
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7. A Nightmare on Elm Street 1
Johnny Depp in a tiny, itty bitty crop top, with TV on his crotch, being pulled through a bed. Gay. End Of.
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A Nightmare on Elm Street 2
More boys in various state of undress being chased by an over active Daddy with a skin disorder. Gay. End of.
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Return Of The Living Dead
Camp mid 1980s Zombie horror. You can’t get a much camper cult horror that Return Of The Living Dead. They bring Liza back from the dead. Oh no wait. Sorry my mistake. It was an actual zombie. (love Liza)
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Just look at them two lads. Young, in love and stabbing each other. Reminds me of happier times. Seriously though, it’s quite gay to want to get stabbed by your ‘friend‘ in a pact. I mean really, what would a psychologist say about that relationship? There are definite codependency issues here.
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Twilight (All Of Them)
I’m not even going to attempt to argue this one. It just is gay ok? Robert Patterson pouting and brooding and that Taylor WhatsHisFace topless the whole time. It’s just all too homoerotic. It’s making kids of America gay. That is a fact. Look out for picketing from Westboro Church soon.
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The Lost Boys
<Donning spectacles and putting on a lecturer’s voice> According to Pajiba.com Lost Boys was one of the first popular films among teenagers to feature a strong, homoerotic subtext.
It’s about burgeoning teen sexuality. Init. Has vampires - and vampires suck blood and neck each other. I tell you it’s G-A-Y any night of the week - minus the blood bit. Okay well maybe some people. The Lost Boys found their sexuality. Enuff said. Gay.
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Interview With The Vampire.
Brad, Tom, Ian, Antonio. All your favourites in one box. It’s like Roses before they took all the good ones out. I don’t care if it’s got homoerotic subtexts, subplots or sub pig bottoms. It’s got freaking Brad Pitt tashing on with Tom and they’ve got girlie hair.
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