CAPTAIN MARVEL – Marvel studio’s biggest female hero makes her debut having to battle some shape-shifting aliens setting up the truly massive Avengers Endgame next month.
Nutshell – Carol Danvers (Brie Larson) arrives on earth and needs to start piecing together her past to work out what aliens are running amok for and why she has become one of the most powerful superheroes in the universe. Set in the mid-nineties with a young looking Nick Fury & Agent Coulson this has a lot of fun playing prequel elements to the other 20 blockbuster superhero films in the Marvel cannon of the last decade.
Running Time – 124 Minutes – Cert PG-12A.
Tagline – ‘Higher, Further, Faster’ Or ‘Everything Starts With a Her(o)’
THEGAYUK Factor – Possibly the least sexy superhero film ever with hardly any fit men anywhere not even amongst the usual bad guy’s Henchmen as they are all covered in monster latex make-up. Jude Law playing the Captain’s senior officer at the outset is your one hope but he is hardly a gay icon and far too clean cut…..the sort of prissy looking guy that would put on a condom before you gave him a blow job
Cast – Brie Larson takes the lead here and she is great in the role. She is supported by Samuel L Jackson, Jude Law, Ben Mendelsohn, a welcome return for Annette Benning and this is the very last cameo appearance shot by the recently deceased Marvel God Stan Lee (Not the last to be released as we have two more of them shot for Avengers & Superman films made earlier).
Key Player – There is a wonderful cat which Fury adopts called Goose which steals every scene and most of the movie. It has one or two surprises too, most of all with Marvel there is always scenes in the end credits and sit right to the end for Goose to have the all-important last word.
Budget – $82 Million but it made back £153 Million in its first weekend which just shows the continued domination of superheroes at our multiplexes and the wisdom of Disney buying up Marvel a few years back – purely and simply these are pure 100% guaranteed cash cows.
Best Bit – 0.28 mins; A great fight on and around an urban train with an accompanying car chase in a nineties action movie style is very thrilling. The fact that the enemy in a sneaky way keeps changing shape into different people makes it a very clever little scene.
Worst Bit – 0.05 mins; The opening 10 minutes on two random planets is very confusing and simply rushed and is about as interesting as a bad episode of Star Trek or trying to get a hard-on with a fit guy after drinking a bottle of vodka. It gets into its groove when the characters eventually get to earth.
Little Secret – Brie Larson is allergic to cats which she did not mention to the producers at the outset. Captain Marvel’s sidekick turns out to be a cat called Goose which then had to be played in Brie’s scenes by a puppet. Four real cats do all the other scenes in the movie. The first Marvel female superhero film was released on International Women’s Day and the soundtrack is almost entirely female orientated with the likes of Desree, TLC, No Doubt, Garbage and Salt N Pepa.
Further Viewing – All previous twenty entries in the Marvel universe catalogue, Wonder Woman, The Justice League, All Batmans & Spidermans etc. Basically any movie where the hero is in tight latex or otherwise any of the hundreds of great gay superhero porno’s try Man.com pastiches or Eye Of The Cyclone.
Any Good – A great lead performance backed by Mr reliable Samuel L. carries this nicely. Your life will not be diminished greatly if you don’t see it but if you do it is perfectly adequate entertainment (after the crap first 10 minutes). It is no Captain America or Deadpool unfortunately but also it is much better than say recent Superman films or… shudder…all Fantastic Four movies. Basically, in a word it is fine no more no less could benefit from some sexy studs though.
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