Are you hiding a secret desire to dress up as a gladiator and have it away with your boyfriend but just not quite sure how to bring the subject up with him?

Maybe you harbour desires to be a cook or a fireman… or maybe you just want to introduce the idea of leather to the bedroom. Here’s three essential tools to help you get, set and create the right moment for you to whip out your best police uniform, writer Peter Minkoff has the answers.

How do I know if my partner is into it, anyway?

Talk to him. The base of all good relationships is healthy communication and if you can’t talk about it, there’s no point in trying to rekindle the passion, anyway. I’m sure he’ll be up for it, though. Who wouldn’t!

The easiest way in (pun intended!) is to talk about one another’s fantasies and then act out on them. We all have things that turn us on, so why not use them for good. The important thing though is to keep a sympathetic attitude toward whatever your partner reveals. Fantasies are a touchy-feely subject, so make sure you act cool. This way, you’ll help your partner feel safe around you and whatever the fantasy – you both want to be comfortable doing it.

We talked, he likes the idea. Now what?

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Now that you know each other’s fantasies (make no mistake, fantasies are plenty and you probably know 1/3 of your partner’s now) you may find ways to make the experience erotic and arousing. Don’t be surprised to learn that a huge number of fantasies have dominant and submissive roles, and that’s okay. If your partner enjoys the idea of being forced by you in the privacy of your own home, that doesn’t mean he wants you to treat him bad after you both orgasm. Keep the fantasy alive in the bedroom, forget about it when dressed.

Also, when it comes to buying costumes – if you feel uncomfortable entering a store and asking for a particular costume, finding fancy dress costumes online solves it all!

Which one of us should dress up?

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Either! Both! Just you! Just him! It’s all cool! The important thing is to understand that dressing up for sexual benefits isn’t a chore – it’s meant to be fun, pleasurable, interesting and exciting. If one of you doesn’t “know” how to do it then let the other one take the lead for starters. But, if in the long run you see that it is just one of you (you, possibly) who is dressing up then it may almost feel like your partner is less comfortable with it. Talking about it helps and, if things aren’t working out, drop the dress up game and save those costumes for next Halloween.

The point of role-playing is to have fun with it and spice things up – not force anyone to do something they do not want to do. Also, remember – role-playing means taking a huge step out of your comfort zone. This takes longer for some people.