THEGAYUK

Day: 8 September 2019

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | The foot fetish

    THE UNDATEABLE GAY | The foot fetish

    When it comes to sex, I’ve always found myself to be plain and simple. Not boring, I would like to point out immediately. But I’m not one for these chains and whips activities.

    I mean, I’ve got nothing against anyone who chooses a slightly kinkier sex life than me. Each to their own, that’s what I always say. It’s just not my cup of tea. Or should I say a pot of freshly brewed coffee? I know it’s very unBritish of me, but I can’t stand tea.

    I think my dislike for tea stems back to my childhood. At the risk of sounding Freudian, I blame my dad. Until I was seven, my mum would always serve me a bottle of tea every afternoon. Yes, I know. A bottle. At seven years of age. Perhaps that’s where my oral capabilities come from. Years of sucking on a bottle, drinking my brew.

    But one day, my father got home from work and he demanded that my mother throw my bottle away. From that day in the early 1990s, I’ve never touched a drop of PG Tips again.

    Anyway, back to my tale of the fetishes. I had a boyfriend once who used to demand I call him a slag whilst making love to him. Had me screaming, “you slag!”, he did. Little did I know that he was sleeping with half of London behind my back. Ironically, he was making me speak the truth. Maybe that was his way of absolution.

    A few years later, I met a man who used to like to slap me during sex. Now before anyone becomes concerned for my safety and calls the police, it was only playful slaps across the boat race.

    It did very little for my sex drive but it seemed to turn him on no end.

    I could cope with a little slap every now and then but one day he started to scratch my back in the heat of the moment. Now scratching was still fine with me. I mean, I’d be left with a few red lines down my back for a day or two but there was no lasting damage.

    But then one day, the teeth came out to play. And I’m not just talking around the neck like most normal people. The biting got so bad that I had to take to wearing roll neck jumpers, long sleeve tops, and gloves to cover up the bite marks. So I made the suggestion that he find a fellow gay who enjoys Odaxelagnia.

    For those who can’t be bothered to google that word:

    Odaxelagnia is being sexually aroused through biting, or being bitten. It’s also considered a mild form of sadism.

    Just when I thought I might find a man who enjoyed a plain and simple sex life, along came Jamie. Now Jamie wasn’t a fan of kissing on the lips very much. Oh no, he liked to rummage his face in my armpits and kiss those instead.

    The day he text me and told me not to wear any deodorant that night was the day I feigned a migraine and never did he grace my armpits again.

    And then there was Neil. He was a Scottish man so that should have sent alarm bells ringing immediately.

    He arrived one night on my doorstep, carrying a bottle of Scotch. How romantic to be bearing gifts, I thought. Especially Scotch. I’m rather partial to a wee dram, truth be told.

    After a wee dram or three, he started to kiss me. On the lips. RESULT. No armpits. I laid back and breathed a sigh of relief to be finally getting the plain and simple sex life I’d been craving.

    “Let me suck you!” He demanded.

    Who was I to say no? As he continued to kiss his way down my body, he got to my flies. Mini Mark was poised and ready for action.

    But as I looked down, I found him at my knees. Maybe the scotch had clouded his judgment and as I tried to re-direct his head back up, his lips continued on their journey down my body.

    Before I could say Loch Lomond, I felt my sock being ripped from my foot.

    And before I could say Reflexology, he was sucking my big toe.

  • RESTAURANT REVIEW | Jidori, London

    RESTAURANT REVIEW | Jidori, London

    ★★★★ | Jidori, London

    £72 for 10 dishes, with one dish better than the next, with cocktails? Where does one find a restaurant like this? Japanese restaurant Jidori, that’s where.

    Now with two branches, one in Covent Garden and one in Dalston, Jidori is a yakitori restaurant (skewered chicken) whose name is taken from a special breed of free-range chickens renowned for their flavour and freshness – and after having eaten there, I can attest that Jidori’s chicken is just simply flavourful and delicious. But Jidori is also more than just chicken, they have lots and lots of other incredible dishes, starting out with their House Pickles dish. How can pickles be so good and different? Well, Jidori’s comes beautifully presented and also includes mushrooms, cauliflower, white radish and carrots – a very good selection and a steal at only £5.

    On our visit, I and my dining companion had bits and pieces from the varied menu, including the Karaage from the small plates menu. These were four nicely-sized chicken wings (more meat and less bone) which were deep-fried in sake and ginger, cooked with katsu bread crumbs, and were just absolutely sumptuous, with a mustard and mayo dip that only added to the flavour. These were absolutely delicious (£7). Another star dish that was so unlike anything I’ve ever had before (no chicken here!) was the Tuna Tostada. It consisted of tuna, avocado and jalapeño on top of a crispy fried rice shell, and where the tuna was not very tuna-tasting, but overall it was an amazing blend of food and flavour in a small package – highly recommended (£9). Dish number 4 was the Gyoza (prawn or vegetables) dumplings (£6), onions sprinkled on top, with a black vinegar dipping sauce. These were your standard run of the mill dumplings and the least overwhelming of the 8 dishes we tasted, a bit pricey at £9 but they were still very good.

    From the Kushiyaki menu (poultry and non-poultry items, skewered and grilled) we had the Nasu – Miso glazed aubergines on a stick, with sesames and onions sprinkled on top, were gentle and good and a nice dish to have in between the chicken dishes (£4.5). Dish number 6 was the Tsukune (Yakitori) – minced chicken with egg yolk as a dipping sauce. The chicken here (two pieces – both on sticks) tasted like meat as it was in the shape of a sausage – very good and very different, and very hardy (£5.5). Also from the Yakitori menu, we had the Momo – 6 small chicken thighs – 3 on each stick – which were flame-grilled and had a distinctive flavour and were just absolutely juicy, moist and the miso and coriander added quite intensely to the flavour – these are highly recommended at a bargain price of £5.20. Dish 8 was a side of the Rice, egg yolk, sesame & nori.

    Desserts were not to be missed! For something a bit different go for the Ginger ice cream with miso caramel and, to give it a twist, sweet potato crisps and sesame seeds on top – very yummy – and I was a bit jealous as my dining companion had ordered it :(. We didn’t try the Milk pudding, strawberries, shiso and cucumber granita but I had the Yuzi & lemon sorbet with unpasteurized sake – very refreshing on what was a very very hot day.

    Also refreshing were the drinks. The Ginger Ninja was what was desperately needed on that hot day – it was a blend of gin, fresh ginger juice, yuzu and Asahi beer. Yellowish in colour, the mixture of the ginger juice and beer was just perfect (£7.5). My dining companion had the Umeshu Spritz. He likes wine so he enjoyed it which included Japanese plum wine, Aperol, gin, ume bitters and soda. For me, it had a strong wine taste but for him, it was just perfect (£6.50).

    Also perfect is the restaurant itself and the waitstaff. As we didn’t know what to order as most of these dishes we had never heard of before, the waiter gave us his suggestions and we went with them, and we were glad we did! The restaurant is cosy in a Japanese sort of way with several rooms and floors (in Covent Garden) with plenty of space for singles, couples and larger parties, with a Karaoke room that is available to hire for groups of 8-12 where Jidori offers a tasting menu which covers a lot of the Jidori classic dishes, plus use of the room, powered by Lucky Voice (for 2.5 hours) all for £40 per person. On weekends they offer 2 sittings per evening of 6.30pm – 9pmAND 9.30pm – midnight. On weeknights, they offer one sitting per evening.

    The Dalston branch has a bit of a different menu but no doubt the quality of the food, and the prices, are just as good as Covent Garden. Jidori is excellent value for the money, and where the food is different yet delicious.

    https://www.jidori.co.uk