THEGAYUK

Category: Theatre

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Funny Girl, Palace Theatre, Manchester

    ★★★★ | Funny Girl, Palace Theatre Manchester

    In the opening lines of the show, Fanny Brice declares, ‘That’s where I live, on stage.’ In a rip-roaringly fantastic return to the show by Sheridan Smith; it’s impossible to believe she belongs anywhere else.

    The narrative of Funny Girl lacks originality. The rags to riches rise to fame, peppered with a predictably turbulent love story. These are popular tropes of the post-war musical, and Funny Girl is no exception. Act one of Isobel Lennart’s book just about generates enough excitement to retain one’s interest in the story. Act two doesn’t fair too well in this department. Michael Pavelka’s sparse, asymmetrical set design left the stage feeling desolate at times. And, while some have interpreted the precariously tilted proscenium arch as a representation of Fanny’s life – I think it’s a metaphor too far for this light-hearted musical comedy. However, like many things in this production, the lack of dramatic pace and uninspiring set design dissipates in a heartbeat when Smith is on stage.

    The show is an unapologetic star-vehicle for the lead role, which was popularised by Barbara Streisand in the 1969 film – an indisputably tough act to follow. But Funny Girl is the story of vaudevillian Fanny Brice, and her meteoric rise to fame in the Ziegfeld Follies – a story which has distinct echoes of the show’s star Sheridan Smith. Smith herself is fast becoming the doyen of British theatre, and with performances like this, the hype is more than justifiable.

    She sings with ample vocal ability and dances with confidence and flair. But Smith is ostensibly an actress – and it is her sublime characterisation, which never falters, where her unique ability to captivate is most alive. Her character Fanny claims to have ’36 different expressions’. To say Smith has expression is to dilute the honesty of her performance. In the wrong hands this role can be two-dimensional, but Smith’s astute comic timing, palpable likeability and wholly believable vulnerability chimes the chord of truth every second she is on stage.

    The ensemble also gave a solid performance, and orchestra was in fine shape too. The same could not be said for my legs after being sat in the grand tier of the Palace Theatre in Manchester for three hours. I normally give the note: ‘restricted legroom’ a perfunctory glance and have no problem. I think, the tangible desire for the audience to jump to their feet was to congratulate Smith on a stellar performance – but the audible sigh of relief from my fellow grand tier survivors leaves one to wonder. Seat issues aside: a star was not born at the Palace Theatre this week, but rather cemented into history as one of our most talented leading ladies.

  • THEATRE REVIEW | The Wild Party

    ★★★★ | The Wild Party

    The Wild Party review
    CREDIT: Scott Rylander

    Have you ever been to one of those parties where the memory of it makes you shudder and sigh in equal measures? You know the kind: the music’s loud, the people are louder, there’s way too much gin, people are taking drugs like they’re about to become illegal or something, your boyfriend sneaks off and does someone else in another room and you can’t quite even remember what or even who you did. No? Me neither. I’m more of a Bridge and canapés person but I like to dream.

    ‘The Wild Party’ depicts just such a party but back in the era of Vaudeville, dancing the Black Bottom and blasting out jazz. Based on a controversial narrative poem from 1927, this musical is a rollicking romp and a visual treat. Queenie and Burrs are ageing Vaudeville stars that decide to liven up their flagging relationship by throwing a wild party with a bath tub full of gin and an assortment of bohemian friends with fluid sexuality. Cue the entrance of old friend Kate with her hot gigolo lover, Black and things get messier than expected.

    Award-winning choreographer Drew McOnie (In the Heights, Bugsy Malone, Jekyll and Hyde) directs the piece and injects it with jaw dropping moves. Limbs flail, jazz hands waggle and a sinister pair of brothers hot-shoe it all over the stage. It’s visually dazzling if slightly overwhelming at times. The music is pure 1920s jazz and has enough oomph to carry the show which is needed as there isn’t a huge amount of plot: there’s a party with sex, drink and drugs and it goes wrong.

    Original Les Miserables star Frances Ruffelle is a treat to watch as Queenie. Simon Thomas is painfully handsome as gigolo Black and Dex Lee is a suitably sinister and sexually appealing Jacky, a coke-crazed bisexual rich kid. It’s a show that’s brash, loud and relentless which is no bad thing. What it lacks in plot and delicate characterisation it more than makes up with rousing choreography and, to quote another show featuring Vaudeville stars, ‘razzle dazzle’.

    The Wild Party plays at The Other Palace until 1st April 2017

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Gaslight – Lyceum Theatre, Sheffield and National Tour

    THEATRE REVIEW | Gaslight – Lyceum Theatre, Sheffield and National Tour

    ★★★|In an elegant townhouse in Victorian London, Bella Manningham is slowly losing her mind. Pictures keep disappearing, trinkets seem to move from place to place and items go missing without explanation. Add to that the mysterious sounds from the top floor of the house and the dimming of the gas lamps and Bella’s sanity is called into question. But what is the secret history lurking in the walls of the home and just who is the stranger who calls unannounced at her home one evening? Why does Bella’s husband, Jack, keep reminding her of her mother’s insanity and what is the connection for all of them to a 20 year old unsolved murder?

    Photo Credit – PR Supplied

    Patrick Hamilton’s play is a direct descendant of the Victorian melodramas that it portrays. Continuing the themes of innocence menaced by something darker, the plays script, setting and overall feeling is one of claustrophobia and oppression. Given that the play is set in a single room and given that it is, essentially, a three hander, the play has to rely heavily on the performances of the actors to carry it through. Kara Tointon’s portrayal of Bella was fine, although the increasing histrionics started to grate a little with the progression of the story. Rupert Young’s turn as Jack Manningham was well rounded, initially quite charming and alluring, but subsequently developing his character to include an uneasy undertone.  But it was Keith Allen’s performance as the mysterious visitor which stood out the most, performing his stern and determined character with his tongue just slightly in his cheek, lightening what is otherwise quite a bleak drama with a soupcon of humour and playing to his strengths.

    The stage set is a detailed drawing room, which has a forced perspective and increases the claustrophobic feel of the piece, which is enhanced further by some atmospheric lighting. The productions sound design was nothing more than functional and the sound in the theatre allowed for every word to be heard clearly, which is essential with such a wordy script.

    As a whole, the piece was a fairly mixed bag. The first act nicely established the characters from the outset and drew the audience in as to the mystery, hinting at the possibility of the plot twists which may come, and ending the first act, story-wise, on a decent cliff-hanger. The second act seemed to lose its way slightly, becoming a little muddled and failing to deliver on the anticipated plot twists, instead, providing a rather straight narrative and one which is not entirely unpredictable. There are a couple of cattle prod scares which highlight the supernatural element of the story, although in a rather clumsy and unnecessary way, and this is an element which is never really followed through.

    Gaslight appears, from the outside, to be mix of The Woman In Black and An Inspector Calls, but in reality is a straight Victorian melodrama, portraying a relatively linear narrative with a socially aware undercurrent addressing the treatment of Victorian women and the discrepancies in equality faced by them. Overall, it is a fairly engaging but lightweight mystery / thriller worthy of a watch and which has an ultimately satisfying ending.

    Gaslight is currently at Sheffield Theatres (www.sheffieldtheatres.co.uk) until the 25th February 2017 before heading to Richmond and Cardiff.

     

     

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Cirque Berserk, Birmingham Rep

    THEATRE REVIEW | Cirque Berserk, Birmingham Rep

    Dangerous, daring but a little spark-less  ★★★

    ©circusphotographer.com

    This is the second time that I have seen Cirque Berserk at the Birmingham Rep, and I have mixed feelings. Mostly, I really enjoyed the acts, and there were moments that got you on the edge of your seat, gasping in horror; but others that made you cringe.

    There were your usual circus’ performances such as acrobatics, flame juggling, and even a clown character, which was quite funny; it was funnier when you heard the children laugh out loud in the audience at his every gag. The acts that stood out were Tropicana Troupe, a Cuban acrobat team that catapulted themselves across the stage landing perfectly on a crash mat, and in the second half flying halfway across the air to land precisely on a chair high up off the ground. Of course, their god-like bodies were also a show-stopper. Jose and Gaby performed a stunning contemporary/acrobatic dance routine where Gaby suspended herself with just one hand using Jose’s forehead as support. This blew the audience away, and we were glued to their beautiful movement throughout. Odka was also incredibly mesmerising to watch as a contortionist; Odka shot an arrow against a target by using her feet! Then we saw her spill out of a small bottle-like container. The four motorcyclists inside a metal dome they call – Globe of Death – was extreme and jaw-dropping, and was a brilliant way to end the show.

    The other artists appeared little awkward and kept demanding rounds of applause which took away the moments that were really stunning and hand-clapping worthy. Bolas Argentina were very good in the second half, but the first half it was awkward when Germaine tossed the bolas against a springboard but it was a lacklustre effort. Then, Gabriel did a similar trick and it had so much more energy and rhythm to it. The Berserk Dancers were disappointing, as every time they appeared on stage, it looked like they were forced to be there and it made some moments cringing and laughable with only one or two really going for it. Timbuktu Tumblers were very good, but again, a lot of applause begging after every little thing. British audiences, I guess, like to be left alone and want to clap when they feel it necessary. It was especially awkward at the very end when the audience clapped, but the artists wouldn’t move until there was a complete standing ovation, which ended with an unenthusiastic standing ovation from half of the audience.

    Overall, enjoyable, but for a circus with some very good acts, it lacked a punch.

  • THEATRE REVIEW | La Ronde

    THEATRE REVIEW | La Ronde

    ★★ | La Ronde

    La Ronde review
    CREDIT: Ray_Burmiston

    Arthur Schnitzler’s turn of the century play ‘La Ronde’ is a frequently performed and adapted classic, partly because it’s an intriguing concept and also often because it’s usually staged with just two actors and a minimal set, making it easy to put on.

    Taking the idea of a roundel, where people are linked through their sexual encounters, the original play looks at power, class and politics from the standpoint of sexual encounters. For example, in the original: a prostitute has sex with a soldier, the soldier has sex with a parlour maid and the parlourmaid has sex with a young gentleman and so on till we complete the circle back with the prostitute. It’s a bit like six degrees of separation (or six degrees of Kevin Bacon if you prefer). David Hare adapted the play into ‘The Blue Room’, which became notorious for featuring a naked Nicole Kidman. The gay version, ‘F*cking Men” was a witty and timely adaptation with cleverly drawn characters and a frisson of raunchiness. Sadly this version flounders and is an anti-aphrodisiac.

    Writer/director Max Gill has come up with a novel take on the concept. His version features four actors and Wheel of Fortune type spinning wheel featuring their faces. Each scene is preceded by a spin of the wheel which results in a choice of which actor joins the remaining actor from the previous pair, meaning that there are (apparently) over 3,000 possible actor combinations in the play. Also, this makes the play gender neutral. The couples could be two women, two men or a man and a woman. The pronouns and language in the script allow for this. It’s a lively concept and one served well by Frankie Bradshaw’s arresting set and Jack Weir and Nathan Klein’s atmospheric sound and lighting. The gimmick works but sadly it’s not at all well served by the script.

    The tone of the play is light comedy and despite some glimpses of promise and the odd flash of insight, on the whole, the script feels dated and pedestrian with few laughs and little depth. The characters mostly feel stereotyped and the acting is turned up to full stagey volume. I found myself looking forward to each scene ending and the wheel to spin again. I love a gimmick and am all for innovation and originality but there needs to be a more sturdy and polished script to make this work.

    La Ronde plays at the Bunker Theatre until 11th March 2017

  • THEATRE REVIEW | William Shakespeare’s Long Lost First Play (Abridged)

    THEATRE REVIEW | William Shakespeare’s Long Lost First Play (Abridged)

    Delightful, charming and uproariously funny. ★★★★★

    © Geraint Lewis

    Reduced Shakespeare Company put on a masterful performance combining Shakespeare’s most and least known plays and characters into a fiendish cauldron, summoning up hilarious crossover tales that made the audience laugh out loud. Reed Martin and Austin Tichenor designed ‘William Shakespeare’s Long Lost First Play’ with all Shakespeare levels in mind. Whether you are a beginner or a scholar, there was something for you to laugh at, recall the connection, and laugh again. Perhaps rekindle fond memories of school, rehearsal and at a theatre.

    The three actors commanded their craft with expertise and mastery. It was very clear, very quickly, that Joseph Maudsley, Matthew Pearson and James Percy had studied, played and understood the plots and twists written by the Bard. I chiefly loved the scene in which one actor was attributing Disney connections with Shakespeare’s plays. The ‘Frozen’ and ‘A Winter’s Tale’ link was one of the funniest moments because when the other actor contested that connection, the other said ‘let it go’. The speed in which the three actors morphed, transformed, and changed to represent the different characters was astonishing, as well as the effervescent energy that glued the audience to their every move. The plot crossovers were also something to remember, in particular, Lady Macbeth coming onto Hamlet, and Richard III getting it on with Falstaff. It was so enjoyable to watch the twists and contrivances that got them to be together. Archenemies Ariel and Puck were the thread that brought the stories together, played by Joseph Maudsley and James Percy respectively, convincingly demonstrated that all of Shakespeare’s plays could coexist in the same universe. Who knew?

    The set was very stripped down with only one arch as the backdrop. However, this made it even more special because it became all about the actors, with their props and fanciful attires that coloured the stage with the gags, tricks, and exquisite storytelling that we saw last night. I want to see them again!

    Running 14th and 15th February.

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Stories To Tell In The Middle Of The Night, Birmingham Rep

    Stories To Tell In The Middle Of The Night written and performed by Francesca Millican-Slater was not what I expected. ★★

    © Graeme Braidwood

    Its premise explores the many thoughts that people have before trying to fall sleep, and then still not being able to do so hours later. It’s a great concept for many of us can relate to the drivel that goes through our minds prohibiting our brain to switch off and go to sleep. However, Francesca’s stories were too disconnected for the average person to relate to. The odd story resonated some recollection in the back of our memory archive – like the supermarket couple scenario, but the rest were just tales that didn’t quite grip spectators, having to wait a while for a punchline. It would be a great sketch for a Spoken Word night, but as performance it lacked spark. We were merely watching a woman talk about things that go on in her own head. Sadly, they were things that not many people could connect to, alienating us in parts. It was neither comedic, nor was it dramatic. Stories To Tell In The Middle Of The Night would have been something to play on the radio to help you fall asleep.

    There were some poetic notes to the writing. So, audibly, and in some instances, it was pleasing; particularly when Francesca came back to the middle podium and described where we were in the night using astronomical angles and nautical references to help us imagine the arrival of the dawn, and the familiar feeling of ‘oh shit, I need to be up in a few hours’.

    The Rep Foundry is a fantastic programme that gives new writers the opportunity to create, and later perform, their own work. Perhaps the next draft would benefit from a framing device whereby the three podia that the protagonist utilises may represent the id, ego, and superego of the insomniac psyche portrayed. As it stands, the stream of consciousness text is lost in the back waters.

     

     

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Everybody’s Talking About Jamie – Crucible Theatre, Sheffield

    THEATRE REVIEW | Everybody’s Talking About Jamie – Crucible Theatre, Sheffield

    Jamie is 16 and is not like his friends at school. His best friend wants to be a doctor, but he wants to be a drag queen. Raised by his mum in a single parent family on one of Sheffield’s tougher estates, Jamie finds himself, and his alter ego, Mimi Me, with the help of fading drag queen, Hugo, and with the support of his ever doting mother and her best friend. But Jamie’s difficult relationship with his dad dents Jamie’s confidence; and the school aren’t particularly enthused about the big question on everyone’s lips – namely, whether Jamie will go to the school prom, or whether Mimi Me will. ★★★★★

    © Johan Persson

    Writer Tom MacRae’s script is beautifully written, packing into it a wealth of instantly likeable and relatable characters, plenty of laugh out loud one liners and genuine heart. He gets the story across by celebrating the protagonist rather than victimising him and Jamie’s journey is well paced, moving and entertaining. Complementing the book perfectly are the musical numbers written by Dan Gillespie-Sells, which, quite honestly, doesn’t have a bad song amongst them. The show opens with “You Don’t Even Know It”, a bubbly piece of contemporary pop and each and every song that follows is a delight. Balancing out the upbeat numbers are some tender ballads, including “It Means Beautiful” and “My Man, My Son”, the latter quite literally bringing a tear to my eye. Kate Prince’s choreography fuses multiple styles of dance, from street dance to ballet, with energetic, fresh and uplifting routines, whilst Jonathan Butterall’s steady direction seamlessly blends comedy with pathos and makes the most of his well-rounded and diverse cast.

    With such well written characters, you need a solid cast to bring them to life. John McRea is delicious in his portrayal of Jamie, vacillating between oozing self-confidence and brimming with self-doubt, most of which was done whilst strutting around in a pair of heels so large that even RuPaul would shy away from them. Josie Walker gives a touchingly understated performance as Jamie’s Mum and belted out her two main numbers with a powerful voice which seemed to come out of nowhere; and she was complimented well by Mina Anwar’s comic performance as her best friend, Lee.

    Everybody’s Talking About Jamie is a coming of age story which is more reflective of today’s society than most of the genre. Gone is the stigma of sexuality, and gone is the major struggle for acceptance by his peers. Jamie is embraced by his supportive mother and loved by his friends at school. The story is more about Jamie’s internal struggle and his relationships with family, rather than it being “him against the world”. This refreshing approach makes for a more intimate and focussed narrative and one which genuinely pulls you in. It has been a while since I have seen an audience get so much behind a show, with cheers of support echoing around the theatre at key points in the story, which can only be a testament to the quality of the production.

    Everybody’s Talking About Jamie is everything a musical should be – well-crafted with instantly catchy songs, makes you laugh, cry and cheer and amounts to a thoroughly entertaining piece of theatre with a strong heart at its centre. Jamie is not to be missed, and is simply uplifting, joyous and inspirational.

    Everybody’s Talking About Jamie is currently playing at The Crucible Theatre, Sheffield until 25th February 2017. Visit www.sheffieldtheatres.co.uk or call the box office on 0114 249 6000

    https://soundcloud.com/user-872483887/sets/everybodys-talking-about-jamie

     

  • THEATRE REVIEW | The Boys in the Band, Vaudeville Theatre

    THEATRE REVIEW | The Boys in the Band, Vaudeville Theatre

    ★★★| The Boys in the Band

    A play that was originally produced off Broadway in 1968 has returned to the West End again, it’s the famous gay play ‘The Boys in The Band.’

    Written by Martin Crowley, and fresh from last year’s run at the Park Theatre, the durability of this play is a testament to the crisp and hilarious writing, and the performances of the actors, of the trials and tribulations of eight gay men (and one possibly straight man) which makes this play endure.

    The story, in case you don’t know, is about a birthday party for Harold (a very good Mark Gatiss), a posh 42-year old gay man who seems to have everything. The party takes place in the very nice apartment of Michael (Ian Hallard, Gatiss’s real-life husband), with posters of film divas (Marilyn Monroe, Bette Davis and lots of Judy Garland) that cleverly hang on the walls. The first to arrive at the birthday party is Donald (Daniel Boys), good looking and employed as a cleaner. He seems to be the most stable of the bunch. Then there’s Hank (Nathan Nolan) and Larry (Ben Mansfield), a couple who bring down the mood because of the constant tension between them. Do they really love each other? Then there’s Emory (an excellent James Holmes – the true star of the show). He’s witty, camp, funny and hilarious with the best lines. Emory, incidentally, has hired a not too smart male stripper named Cowboy (Jack Derges) who was supposed to arrive at Midnight (Midnight Cowboy – get it?), but arrives before the birthday boy gets there. He’s as hot and sexy as you would expect, and Derges plays him perfectly. Then there is a straight friend of Michael’s who comes to the party because he happens to be nearby. Throw this in along with a phone game and all of this creates more drama and tension in a play with a multitude of characters that you will either love or hate, though more than likely you will hate them

    ‘The Boys in the Band’ is a play that is very outdated. It portrays gay men as bitter, angry and more importantly, lonely and outcast, but times have changed. And this show, which has been produced many times, has the same cast who were in the Park Theatre production last October. The actors are all very good (Holmes is really living it up on stage and looks like he’s really enjoying himself), the set is very clever, and the rest of the cast are very good, but it’s time to put this story to bed. ‘The Boys in the Band’ has been done to death. And as one of the characters says in the show ‘show me a happy homosexual and I’ll show you a gay corpse’ – this show is no longer relevant.

    ‘The Boys in the Band’ is playing at London’s Vaudeville Theatre until Saturday, February 18th.

    https://www.nimaxtheatres.com/vaudeville-theatre/the_boys_in_the_band

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Ghost – The Musical – Sheffield Theatres & National Tour.

    THEATRE REVIEW | Ghost – The Musical – Sheffield Theatres & National Tour.

    ★★★| Based on the 1990 film of the same name, Ghost follows the story of Sam and Molly, whose life together is cut short when Sam is murdered in a seemingly random street robbery. Sam’s ghost stays close to Molly, but he soon finds out that the cause of his death was no accident and that the reasons behind his murder lie a little too close to home. Getting in contact with Oda Mae Brown, a fake medium who can actually hear him, Sam sets out to convince Molly that he is still with her, and to protect her from danger.

    PR Supplied

    This musical, with songs and lyrics written by Dave Stewart of The Eurythmics has been around for some time, and this new production has overhauled the show, giving it a clean, contemporary and fresh feel.  The show follows the plot of the film closely, complete with the famous scene at the potter’s wheel to the dulcet tones of the Righteous Brothers.

    With a strong central performance and a beautifully natural voice, Carolyn Maitland stood out from the cast with her performance of the recently widowed Molly, whilst Jaqui Dubois gave a sass-filled comedy performance as Oda Mae, hitting the right comedy notes and bringing some relief from the on-stage sadness portrayed by the lead characters. Whilst there was nothing really wrong with his performance, Andy Moss (Hollyoaks), for some reason, didn’t particularly convince as Sam, not quite having the gravitas and weight that would really drive the character home convincingly.

    The set was impressive for a touring production, which constantly changed and adapted to portray the different locations, and when you throw into the mix the well-constructed lighting scheme by Nick Richings, an immersive sound design and a well-balanced audio which picked up the clear diction of the cast, you had a technically solid production.

    But where the show falters, surprisingly, is in its musical numbers. The songs themselves were enjoyable enough to listen to during the show, but despite the pop credentials of the writer, they were instantly forgettable and didn’t contain the usual hook or melody which has you humming them as you leave the theatre.  The songs fell somewhere between trying to progress the story and trying to be an entertaining piece of pop, but tended to fall between the two. What was also rather disappointing was the choreography, which was rather simplistic and lacklustre, adding to the feeling that the songs weren’t either show stopping production numbers or narratively progressive.

    Despite its faults, his reworked production improves significantly on previous versions of the show, pulling out more of the emotional aspects of the story and proving to be a pleasant, if ultimately fairly forgettable production and one which fans of the film will certainly delight in.

    Ghost is currently on National Tour until the 22nd April 2017 (www.kenwright.com/microsite/ghost-the-musical/). Ghost was reviewed at Sheffield Theatres, whose production of Everyone’s Talking About Jamie premieres on the 9th February 2017. Visit www.sheffieldtheatres.co.uk for details.

     

  • 8 totally annoying things you’re doing in the theatre

    8 totally annoying things you’re doing in the theatre

    Here in the UK, we are privileged to have a vast array of such wonderful theatres. We have the bright lights of the West End with its huge productions and international box office smashes, the incredible array of regional theatres producing their own very high quality shows and providing venues for wonderful touring productions and those little community theatres which provide immense pleasure for those both performing and viewing the amateur productions and the more off-beat shows.

    So, given the gift of theatre that we are given, is it really so hard for people to behave in a manner befitting? I have increasingly noted that theatre etiquette is sadly lacking, which is a shame when you have paid a not insignificant amount of money for your ticket, only to have the joys of watching a live performance tainted by the severely lacking social skills of those around you. Only last night at the theatre, I had to engage in my now regular pastime of telling audience members around me to please be quiet. I am quickly developing into a habitual “shush-er”, when really, I shouldn’t have to engage in such a disruptive and unpleasant activity.

    So, following a frustrating evening listening to the old woman three seats down talk about how her neighbour had slipped a disc (yes, really – this was an actual discussion taking place during the performance) and listening to the guy two rows behind singing along with every musical number, I have written this cut out and keep guide to theatre etiquette. There are seven simple steps to take to ensure that everyone has a pleasant evening.

    Rule 1 – Keep it buttoned. There is absolutely no need to talk during the play or show. If you want to have a night out with your friends and have a good old chin-wag, then instead of spending £35 each on a theatre ticket, spend it on booze in a pub, where you can chat away to your heart’s content.

    Rule 2 – Keep it in your pocket. There is a reason why, at the start of every performance, there is a request to turn off your mobile phone. Even if it is on silent, it doesn’t prevent you from annoying the people around you by checking your Facebook, twitter, emails or texts every five minutes. Seriously, if you cannot live for two hours (or even an hour if you know that the interval is coming up) without checking whether your friend’s status has changed or to see if someone has posted a hilarious picture of a kitten in a wine glass, then you either need to stay in your home indefinitely or obtain some therapeutic intervention.

    Rule 3 – Keep ‘em still. Tapping your feet to the musical numbers is a terrific compliment to the composer, but there is no need to use your feet to rhythmically tap out each bar to the song on the seat in front of you, much to the annoyance of the theatre goer occupying your impromptu percussion instrument. Equally, there is no need to announce to the four rows around you that “Oh…I like this one”, when the opening bar of a song is played.

    Rule 4 – Keep your vocal chords in check. Just because you think you sound great singing along to your Grease soundtrack CD in the shower doesn’t mean that you can undertake an encore performance in the middle of the theatre. People have come to hear the performers sing, not listen to your out of tune caterwauling. So, you know some of the words to the songs – well done – but please don’t feel the need to demonstrate your lyrical knowledge.

    Rule 5 – Keep it real. Just because you once performed in an amateur production of Sweeny Todd, it doesn’t mean that you have to recite the script with the actors on stage, tell your companion how your scenes were done differently to the ones on the stage or hum along to the music. Also, just because it is an amateur production and you have only paid a few quid for your ticket; it does not negate the need to be respectful to those around you. Equally, with amateur productions, just because you vaguely know one of the cast members because she is your next door neighbour’s best friend’s babysitter’s dog walker doesn’t give you the right to talk all the way through the show.

    Rule 6 – Keep it on time. It’s not that difficult to get somewhere on time. If the show starts at 7.15pm, then aim to get to theatre for 7pm. Distracting the audience by making a kerfuffle arriving late and disrupting an entire row of people to get to your seats in the middle of the row halfway through the opening number is very off-putting.

    Rule 7 – Keep it in the seat. Leaning forward in your seat, especially in the Balcony, simply blocks the view of the person behind you. That leads to them having to lean forward, blocking the view of the person behind them…. and like ripples on the surface of a pond caused by a stone being casually tossed into the still water, the effect spreads out until the majority of people have a blocked view. Also, if you are tall, as I am, be mindful of the person behind you. It doesn’t hurt to sit a little lower in your seat. After all, no one has come to the theatre to see a performance by the back of your head.

    Rule 8 – Don’t have a top bun…

    It’s not hard, is it? Please note that the majority of this guide applies equally to the cinema as well.

    Joking aside, it is a case of common courtesy both to the performers on stage and those around you. I know an increasing number of theatre goers who share my frustrations. The thing is, everyone’s experience is enhanced by a little courtesy and those who chat their way through the show may actually find they enjoy it even more if they actually sit and watch it, instead of tweeting, emailing, and texting before engaging in a four minute conversation by asking their companion what they have just missed!