When you know, you know. So what’s the best way to call time on a relationship?
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So if you’ve decided that time is up on your relationship we’ve got some suggestions on how not to make a pig’s ear out of the breakup process. Yes, it’s likely to hurt, and it’s probably going to get messy. So here’s ten tips on how not to be a douche when you dump someone.
1) Is it really over?
Are you sure? Can it be fixed or perhaps, more importantly, is it worth fixing? If it is then maybe, you need to hash it out with your partner. Have an honest discussion about your feelings. Maybe it’s worth seeing a relationship and sex therapist to help you navigate the issues you’re both facing.
2) Give an actual reason.
Don’t trot out that clichéd line, “It’s not you, it’s me”. Do you know how annoying that is? It means nothing and doesn’t help the other side have some closure. If there’s no other reason apart from the fact that you’ve fallen out of love, then say that. It can be harsh to say, but the reality of those words should hit home.
3) Quit it and don’t go back.
ARRRRGHHH. Stop playing with my heart. If the relationship is over, make sure it’s over. Don’t give the impression that things could be fixed if they can’t be.
Chat with your friends about your plans before you make that break. They may have some insight or advice for you. Ultimately it’s your choice, but it doesn’t hurt to communicate what you’re feeling.
5) Think about you, but also think about him.
Remember you did once love or intensely like this guy, so be nice. Be honest and be firm. THEGAYUK’s very own Jordan Lohan suggests: “Honour the love you once had for each other by being respectful to one another during the breakup process.
Breakups don’t need to be messy if you choose for them not to be.”
6) Don’t procrastinate.
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If you’ve made your decision don’t hold off until the “right moment”. Even if that means you’re going to lose money, because you’ve got a holiday coming up or theatre tickets or whatever. If you own a house together or have a huge financial commitment together, then you might need to stay together for a bit longer, once you’ve broken up, until you can sort and separate your finances.
7) Don’t feel sorry for him.
He’s not a child, and he doesn’t need your pity. Try not to feel guilty for your actions. You’re doing this for a reason, hopefully, to make you both better people! Keep focused.
8) Set out some post-bofxit (post boyfriend) rules.
Set out some simple communication rules. Only texts, only emails – or whatever works for you. Don’t get drawn into long, complicated conversations. Keep it polite and professional.
He might have a few words to say after you tell him you’re done. If he gets angry, just listen. Don’t retaliate and don’t goad. If you feel physically threatened leave. It’s only natural that if the breakup comes as a shock that he might react in an angry way.
10) Plan your exit.
Don’t rely on him to drive you home or lend you cash for a cab after breaking it off. Make sure you know what your exit plan is.
Behind the frosted glass windows and the outdoor flowers around the entrance is Xier – a restaurant that is a feast for the eyes and the taste buds – a feast so unlike any other I have ever eaten.
Entering the cosy looking restaurant on Thayer Street in Marelybone, we were led upstairs to a brightly lit room – rather posh I would say. This is where the Xier experience starts. From there we were taken on a culinary journey, led by a very knowledgeable staff who all knew what they were serving, from the exotic drinks to the even more exotic food. We were guided by them through a 10-course tasting menu accompanied by a selection of wines and cocktails chosen to enhance the food and the experience. And what an experience it was. The food was very different yet extremely delicious!
Herewith is a breakdown of the 10 course meal we had (the courses on the menu are subject to change according to seasons and what is available):
1.) French Kiss. A glass block with literally a red kiss on it, made up of passionfruit, pistachio, and fennel with Japanese pumpkin. I imagine that this is exactly what the color red tastes like if it were food. And what an explosion of taste! It’s the best kiss I’ve had all year (thankfully the year is still young!) This is served alongside:
2.) Kabocha (Japanese squash) Crispy Pancake topped with black truffles (delicate and delicious and to die for!) and chestnuts resting on a bed of pumpkin seeds (not to be eaten). It was small but sumptuous. Then came
3.) Orkney Scallop Crudo, Cured Duck with Caviar swimming in an absolutely stunning Soy Dashi (Japanese stock soup) and Malabar sauce (sprayed) served, cleverly, in a large sea shell over a bed of black rocks. And to top it off, to get the full effect of the dish, a bowl of moss is delivered with liquid nitrogen poured onto it, releasing an earthy-smelling vapour across the table, the perfect accompaniment to the rich flavours of the dish. It’s one of the many actions of the evening that is very theatrical which enhances the experience. The scallops were just divine, as was the sauce. All in all an incredible dish and perhaps one of the best dishes I have ever eaten! The scallops literally melted on my tongue and the tiny bits of black caviar were just heavenly.
4.) Rose Cured Salmon, Foie Gras, Kumquad, Yuzu and Hazelnuts topped with coriander leaves and passion fruit puree, with beetroot was next. Hard to top the scallops, this small block of salmon – one of Xier’s signature dishes – where the salmon was solid – was a extreme combination of flavors all packed into a very small portion – yet it worked very well. Next was
5.) Gyoza dumpling (consisting of edamame beans) with hints of pepper, ginger, shallots, and spring onions – to be eaten with chopsticks – and served swimming in a stunning red cabbage tea – which was so unique and flavourful that one was not enough. Bravo for this dish – it was divine.
6.) Cleanser. Time for a break from the food. A Mandarin granita with Blue Curacao sorbet in a small glass cup served on top of a bed of ice in a white glass bowl on a white glass plate was just what was needed to clear the palet for what was to come next – more incredible food!
7.) Black Cod in Caramel Miso, Walnuts, Pistachio, Celeriac & Pear. The cod was so delicious, cooked well done on the outside yet tender and moist on the inside. Xier’s second signature dish – it was beautifully cooked and served with Burnt Kiwi leaf oil and celery Pear Puree. This was preceded by the amazing
8.) British Beef Cheek and Pickled Beetroot, on top of Collard Greens and topped with Bone Marrow. The Beef – sourced from the UK – was tender, moist, and literally falls apart on the dish and on your fork. And the red wine grapes au jus is just icing on the beef – the best beef I’ve had in many years. This was the last of the main courses and it was a high to top all highs!
9.) Swedish Cheese and Fresh Fizzy grapes were a nice delicate touch to wind down the meal. This is served alongside small ginger bread snaps with three jellies that consisted individually of white wine, red wine and walnut & pear. So many tastes – your taste buds will thank you!
10.) The final course was, of course, dessert, called Sweet Pleasure on the menu. And these were normal portions, but we realized bigger doesn’t necessarily mean better. Four desserts were delivered to our table – Chocolate passionfruit Mousse (funny looking but with delicious banana crips); very good banana ice cream; an unusual chestnut parfait on a bed of blackcurrant sauce with mandarin segments and topped with a nice hazelnut cracker; and a small slice of pear cake. The mousse wasn’t our cup of tea, it didn’t have a great taste, and the pear dish was too sugar-coated, but credit is given for the mousse – it was unusual, unique, and visually appealing.
Drinks come at price – of course. You can choose to have the wine & Cocktail Pairing for an additional £85 or alternatively the Deluxe Wine Pairing at £190 extra, or better yet just order drinks from the drinks menu separately. One drink I recommend is the Mango Tiki served in a pineapple tin cup. Mouth watering with rum, papaya, mango with orange juice and topped with Mango foam. Stay away from the Apricot Tai – too too sweet. Of course Xiers’ wine list is very very extensive – too many to mention here, but my dining companion had a Vodkatini – which he very much enjoyed – as well as a few glasses of wine which were all very very fine, even though the pour was small.
In each and every bite of the food we can taste the hard work done in the kitchen to prepare, cook, and serve all these amazing dishes. Xier, the first solo venture from Italian Chef Carlo Scotto – has rewritten the rules on fine dining with Xier. The menu is from his culinary experiences, with aspects of his travels through Europe, Scandinavia and especially Japan, which you can tell had a huge influence on his skills as a chef.
I had commented to my dining companion about halfway through our meal that I felt the courses were too small and that I would probably need more food on the way home, well that was not the case after the tenth course. We both were comfortably full and were just taken aback with the whole experience.
Open for only one year, the room has clean lines, is very minimalist, stylish yet very much on the quiet side, with the excellent staff hovering about to make sure you know what you are eating. They do explain, in lots of detail, when the food is delivered what you are about to eat, otherwise you’d have no idea. Downstairs is XR, which offers prestige A-La-Carte dining. So it’s up to you to decide what you prefer. But the ten course tasting menu is just absolutely divine, and worth every penny of the £95 you will be charged. And with this menu being changed from time to time – it will be interesting to know what type of dishes Scotto will be dreaming up next. But guaranteed they will be amazing and out of this world.
