THEGAYUK

Author: Callum Joseph

  • OPINION | 10 things gay guys should stop doing

    OPINION | 10 things gay guys should stop doing

    From a young age we are conditioned on what is right and wrong, but how does that work for the modern day gay man? With many embracing their sexuality in many different ways it is important to remember that we still represent the LGBT community and there are many things we shouldn’t be doing:

    CREDIT: bigstock
    CREDIT: bigstock

    1. Calm down dear, it’s only a commercial

    I remember being on a night out where the music was good. It was nearing the end of the night and Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” began to play. I was standing harmlessly next a gentleman in his late forties who began screaming like a twelve-year-old girl. There’s no need for dramatics, and no need to scream.

    2. You are not a Barbie girl living in a Barbie world

    I have strong judgement towards those who wear bad makeup. I understand it is a personal choice and it isn’t a problem if you do, but keep it clean and under control. You shouldn’t have foundation on your chest or neck as it does rub on your clothes when you’re dancing around and it is noticeable.

    3. The bigger they are, the harder they fall

    I am not a size queen, but it does annoy me that in modern society everybody is more interested in what is in your pants than in your heart. I remember having a conversation over text with a baker. After asking for a picture of his cake he thought I was dyslexic and had spelt cock wrong.

    4. Lesbihonest

    Lesbians don’t bite. What do you think they are hiding down there? A gnome? They have as much right to celebrate sexuality as anyone else. My friend recently dated another girl whose arms were so big she could pick me up like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing – amazing.

    5. You can’t pull off plastic

    I don’t and never have understood the cliques of the gay world. Can’t we all just bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy? This isn’t Mean Girls and you are not Regina George.

    6. Blow kisses, not boys

    If you make out you’re a slut by kissing various guys throughout the night and bragging about it, it only makes it okay for other guys to call you a slut. Keep it classy and no one will judge.

    7. Snap Happy

    If you want to act like you’re in an episode of Will and Grace, be my guest. Just please don’t think it is okay to snap your fingers at others in rest rooms or smoking areas with a catchphrase such as ‘Hey girlfriend’.

    8. Darling, you cannot act straight

    How many profiles have you seen with ‘straight acting’ on them. Firstly, if you are using a dating application/website aimed at homosexual men and women then you are in the wrong place. Are you looking for someone to pretend to be straight for you?

    9. If you want money, date Scrooge McDuck

    A lot of people seem to be obsessed with money. Personally, I have never found money attractive and couldn’t imagine sleeping on a bed of thin paper notes. It doesn’t matter what your annual income is or what label clothes you wear. It is all about the personality.

    10. Finally, just be you

    I think along the lines of trying to fit in with a stereotypical gay world we forget who we are. For years we have been fighting for gay rights, and for people to celebrate their sexuality. Don’t let that put you down, stand up.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

     

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  • BOOK REVIEW | Denial Deceit Discovery

    ★★★★★ | Denial Deceit Discovery

    A brutally honest book based on a real persons struggle to come to terms with his sexuality through his open and emotional journey.

    Denial, Deceit, Discovery is a superb first novel by J.James. A truly amazing story of Jack, a young catholic man, and his struggle coming to terms with his sexuality and finding the strength and courage to be true to himself regardless of the consequences.

    At first glance I found the first few chapters quite graphic as the author details his sexual explorations, in fact Amazon have it listed under ‘erotica’. Whilst there are some pretty explicit scenes of gay sex, after reading the whole book, I realised that apart from being erotic, it was instead a brutally truthful account of a lot of rather intense soul-searching.

    The book is split into three sections of his journey, characterising the three chapters Denial, Deceit and Discovery. Based on true events, that are essentially autobiographical, this reads in the style of a personal memoir. The writing is so extremely honest that you often wonder which parts were from the author’s imagination and which were from his own life.

    Anyone will be able to relate to parts of the story regardless of sexuality and even if the book in its entirety doesn’t completely resonate with you, it provides plenty of food for thought. Highly recommended, compelling and easy to read, the content will make you blush, laugh and cry. After completing the book I wanted to carry on reading what happened next of this brave man’s journey on his pursuit for happiness.

  • TV REVIEW | Orange Is The New Black

    My Mother always warned me about the dangers of drugs, but she never warned me about the dangers of instant television. Most of my free days at University would be spent binge watching television shows and I would even sometimes pretend to be asleep so I was not disturbed during the fifth season of How I Met Your Mother.

    Whenever one of my favourite shows is cancelled I hope Netflix saves it like it did The Killing or Arrested Development. With this in mind, I was excited when watching the trailer for their original series Orange is the New Black.

    The montage of a variety of woman sold the show to me, and the series lived up higher than its expectations. With Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling), the unlikely criminal protagonist set among the backdrop of criminals and an introduction to her ex-girlfriend (Laura Pepron) makes an interesting show.

    Unlike most shows that use prison as a setting, Orange sets a different genre. In comparison to others the show focuses on different characters emotional and psychological challenges, their survival, their love and hatred. Mostly it is set around Piper and her adapting to the way prison is run and overcoming issues with other characters such an angry head chef and crazy eyes.

    If you are still reading this and haven’t signed your life away to Netflix I will give you some reasons why you should:
    • Taylor Schilling is an amazing actress. Even though the show revolves around her life and adjustment to prison it also focuses on the impact it has on her engagement to Larry (Jason Biggs). As the show progresses the other inmate’s storylines become stronger and the audience invests emotions into this. Equally, each characters story is heart breaking and important.

    • Laverne Cox is a brilliant actress, although as a transgender woman herself the issues her character portrays don’t involve acting. I found it more interesting her twin brother played her former male self in the show. With one of the main themes is sexuality there are a variety of bisexual, homosexual, transgender and straight relationships to sink your teeth into.

    • The show does not ignore issues within the prison system and brings them directly to the viewers’ attention. The show leans on racial disputes, employee’s using their authority for sexual favours and those at the top who fiddle the system.

    • Minus the moments where you have to laugh, I can imagine this is what prison is like (or wish). It shows that Jenji Kohan done her research when creating this and I have learned a lot if I ever find myself in prison. I know not to annoy the chef or upset a prison wife.

    • Once you start watching it, as the plot twists slightly you become more intrigued to watch more. Each character surprised me in some way and either left me moved or laughing.

    The best part of Orange for me is that you can watch it all at once. I am glad Netflix are catering for those of us that are unable to follow a show for a number of weeks even if it does mean that your live tweeting and water cooler chat is limited due to others not keeping in time.

  • OPINION | What is in the label?

    “You know Charlotte? The girl who can relate anything in life to something that has happened in The OC”

    Even though we may not want to admit it we all place labels on others. Within every group of friends there are characteristic, personality traits or specific physical features that define someone. Although these are positive ways to describe others, should we define someone because of their sexuality?

    You may be an excellent sportsperson or a talented comedian. You could be the next Picasso or your devotion to charitable work stands out to others. Now, what would happen next if someone forgot all about what defines you and just referred to your sexuality?

    Who agreed it was acceptable to define an individual based on their sexual preference?

    Whilst being surrounded by those with limited views on homosexuality it confused me. I wondered who had made the rules of life where a man had to find a charming princess and why couldn’t I find a prince charming?

    After coming out to family and friends I found that although I never changed – the opinions of others changed.

    My friends when referring to me with others would use the term “gay”, and I couldn’t understand how the labels that defined me before disappeared.

    Gay is merely a synonym for homosexual, which breaks down in Latin to mean same and sex. Since the late 1960s gay has been used in replacement of the label homosexual. Members of the LGBT took the label of gay as it felt more positive than the latter term homosexual which gave a more clinical feel.

    Labels define us all in positive and negative ways but why should we allow people to overlook our other qualities just because of sexuality?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Closets are for clothes

    “What have you done today to make you feel proud?” Heather Small

    Today I was able to kiss my partner in public and for that, I am proud. I am proud to live in a society where being part of the LGBT community is accepted and I am able to express my feelings for a member of the same sex openly without judgement.

    The Stonewall riot of 1969 in New York City inspired and motivated members of the LGBT community to fight for equality. The gay liberation movement encouraged people to accept and announce their sexuality and has influenced celebration for years to come in the form of Pride Parades.

    Since this time the LGBT community has grown and although the fight for equality still continues we are still further that we were over forty years ago. Although something simple such as showing my partner affection in public may seem small, it stems for years of struggle and fighting for recognition and acceptance.

    I have openly admitted to my parents that I was gay. At a New Year party my Mother looked at me and said,

    “So, I see your in a relationship on Facebook. Who is he?”

    For years I had been dancing and thought no one was watching. In theory, everyone had been watching and they were waiting for was for me to discuss the matter.

    “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” RuPaul

    Although my Nan still refers to my boyfriend as my ‘special friend’ I still know that I have support from my family and friends in terms of my sexuality. I am proud of them for being open minded and accepting.

    Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if my Mother had never questioned my relationship status. Would I have been strong enough to recognise that the closet is just for clothes?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | A Life Of Cocaine Or Cake?

    Even though we may look at a person’s habit or behaviour and not agree with their chosen vice, who are we to judge?

    A vice is just like facial features, we all have them. Whilst some may bite their nails down until they bleed, others enjoy cigarettes and produce smoke like a house on fire. Surely we should appreciate each others differences and just learn to not force our views on others?

From a young age my Nan was an important person in shaping my character. Both my parents smoked and my Nan would provide a selection of leaflets to slowly give them. How can anyone refuse advice on smoking from a cute five-year-old? Either way, it worked. My Nan had judged my parents vice and through the use of children eventually got them to quit.

    My Nan also taught me about addiction to drugs and would always set up a scene where a ‘friend’ was in the school toilet telling me to smoke some marijuana and I would politely repeat – “No thank you. Please make your own decisions but I refuse”. As I got older it turned into the pub toilets and at eighteen she still made me repeat my refusal to ensure I had practised enough and wouldn’t become addicted to drugs.

    “I want to be president someday, so I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was kind of indescribable really. I felt like I was floating. It turns out that there wasn’t any marijuana in it, it was just an insanely good brownie”

    – Leslie Knope.

    Whilst enjoying the scene of London, a friend soon became bored of weekends following the same routine and meeting the same faces and made the executive decision to move away towards a different atmosphere. I am non-judgmental and also a bit ‘happy-go-lucky’ when it comes down to making changes and adapting.

    Enjoying the drinks and music of somewhere new I disappeared to a toilet to relieve my child sized bladder. During this, a gentleman climbed over the locked door, pulled a small bag of cocaine out of his pocket and offered me some. I was not down for this, I once sniffed pepper to sneeze like in a Tom and Jerry sketch. It made me nose itch and I wanted to cry for days after from the burning feeling. With this in the back of my mind, I repeated my Nan’s line and proceeded to make line for the bar and back to the comfort of my friend.

My friend brushed off the incident and pointed out that most of the people attracted to the club in question where there for the recreational use of drugs. I then made my own executive decision to remove myself from the social circle and opted for an addiction of comedy shows and cake.

    I embraced a new life being single and looking for cake whilst my friend enjoyed the rush of drugs. He recently admitted his problem with an addiction that seemed fun at the time. It makes me wonder if I would have achieved everything positive in my life if I had crumbled in the toilet cubicle and said ‘yes’.

    My point is, who are we to judge the vices others place upon themselves when we all have our own that we either know and enjoy or are unaware of?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Who Said Valentine’s Was Reserved For Couples?

    Sometimes I wonder if I am the only person who enjoys being single on Valentine’s. Surrounded by a mix of happy couples and those who are single and are desperate to even find a date seems to drive me to insanity.

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