THEGAYUK

Author: Chris Jones

  • COMMENT | I’m Gay, I’m 47, And I’m Still Alive

    So, you’re sitting there, politely minding your own business when BOOM – you’re 47! Now what?

    One minute you’re partying like it’s 1999, then suddenly it’s sometime in the mid-2010s… and you’re worried about heart beats, not beats per minute. Nightclubs don’t hold the same attraction anymore, but Murder She Wrote can hold your attention for hours at a time. Life is less about Girls Aloud and more about The Golden Girls.

    This series of pieces is about growing up and growing old in today’s gay world. How do you plan to grow old? Gracefully or disgracefully? Do you want to be one of those people who gets to a certain age, and stops – holding back time with Botox, face lifts or clothes pegs at the back? Do you still intend to be shopping in Top Man at 70?

    What are your options as you grow older? What lovely surprises are in store for you? At what point do you end up with more hair growing in your ears than on your head?

    I find myself struggling with the ageing issues as I creep slowly towards the grave. In my head I’m no age at all – I can wear what I want, admire hairstyles and think I could carry that off, my music tastes are more Lana Del Ray than Englebert Humperdinck.

    However, I am finding myself more attracted to things I used to associate with my parents. I’ve joined the National Trust and love it. I can’t stand loud music in pubs any longer – I prefer being able to hold a conversation. I find Victor Meldrew to be more a role model than a comic figure – but still not a fashion icon (although I am loving his cardigans!)

    On the health side, I can’t eat and drink what I want anymore – without suffering the consequences. Everything goes straight to my waist and it is now expanding at a rate of knots, less middle aged spread, more late middle aged spread. Gym time has always been a mystery to me but I’ve come to realise that it has its place, just not in my life!I spend time pondering pension provisions, where my nearest Waitrose is and battling constant backache rather than clubbing, staying out all night, and ogling the tottie on display.

    What used to appeal has shifted somewhat – looking at gorgeous young men doesn’t appeal nearly as much as it used to. Being totally honest, I still look, but it feels wrong somehow when you’re old enough to be their dad! At what point do you stop? Regular viewers of my blog will know I haven’t reached that point just yet.

    When I was young, someone my age was considered old, and there seemed to be certain points in life where you, as an individual, aged and moved on. Middle-aged men weren’t fashionable, they wore lots of comfy beige from M&S. After middle age, you slipped slowly into old age and My grandparents dressed and acted like OAP’s were expected to – but today things are different.

    People seem to stay younger longer, not just in their appearance, but in their outlook on life too. People are grandparents in their 40’s these days, having had their children earlier in life – however, time marches on, changes take place and you can slow it down but it still happens.

    My hope is to pop on my specs, fasten my cardi against the chill and take a close look at the issues we face, seriously and humorously!

    If there is anything you’d like to me include or cover, let me know….

    Next time: incontinence, impotence and male pattern baldness – just kidding!

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • FILM REVIEW | Transylvania

    ★★★★★ Transylvania

    What do you do when the person you want so badly doesn’t want you, even when you’re pregnant and have travelled across Europe to find him? That’s the basic premise of this film – what happens afterwards…

    (more…)

  • COMMENT | Apathy – A Gay Disease?

    So, here we are, facing a chance to get our elected representatives to give us the right to marry, one step closer to equality with heterosexual couples, same legal footing… and how many of us have bothered to write or cajole our MP?

    On the social media sites, we see a lot of the so-called “politically correct” groups paying lip service to this item, some of the more radical individuals are there too – but, be honest, how many of you actually know who your MP is? or how to contact them? Believe me, I include myself in this too.

    So, we’ve moved on from decriminalising our sexual act in the late 60s, narrowed the age of consent, obtained civil partnership rights… and now this.

    Did we accept at some point that as long as we could shag, faux marry and do it younger, then it didn’t matter anymore? Or is it part of some larger issue? is it just us, as a sexual orientation that can’t be arsed anymore, or is it a case of the population at large are suffering this apathy too?

    I know, I know – more questions than answers but keep up…

    The site below gives you the turnout rates for every general election since 1945, and its a telling story – less than 60% of the eligible population turned out to vote in 2001, with only marginally more turning out in the next 2 elections. Is it because we now have little to differentiate between the parties? Instead of the clear differences between the Blue, Red and Yellow parties, we now have one big Brown mess?

    http://www.ukpolitical.info/Turnout45.htm

    The figures are similar in the US, with just over 50% of voters turning out in 2000, and a slight increase over the next 2 elections – despite Obama’s cute smile!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voter_turnout_in_the_United_States_presidential_elections

    So why is this? For me, I just don’t care enough anymore. I used to be a passionate supporter of Labour, working class background, father a miner like his father before him, grew up during Thatcher’s reign, felt the effects, but at some point along the way, I lost that passion, that interest. I think its simply that it all became grey.

    Is it that politics are boring? Can it ever be sexy and grab our interest? Is it the policies or the people? There are no interesting figures anymore. Cameron and Clegg are beige in the extreme – Miliband offers little new to entice people to vote. This is something Obama managed – he offered a fresh approach, a new way to think, some hope… and the new idea of a black president! Here, we have the same old stuff: referendum on the EU, are we European or not? Gay marriage? Well, why not? Throw them a bone now and again and they may vote for us next time?

    So, why aren’t we as passionate as, say, the French? Thousands marching in Paris for and against their marriage law, coverage across the globe – whilst we sit here and tweet, update our status and moan.

    Is it time to get up off our butts and do something? Shout from the rooftops about our support (or not) of this bill? Take time to email our MP regardless of the outcome of today’s vote? Maybe we feel we can’t make a difference but remember that we vote them in, and so get the government we deserve.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.v

  • TECH REVIEW | iPhone 5s

    So, I managed to get my sweaty little apple-fan fingers on an iPhone 5S for a test drive.

    Its about blinkin’ time too – like a lot of people, my time is nearly here for an upgrade of my handset, the new ones are out and I couldn’t wait. My trusty 4S is on its last legs, scratched and battle scared from a life of Facebook, Twitter and blog updates….it needs and deserves a rest.

    However, and this is a first for me, I was a little let down. I skipped the 5, thinking that as I was tied to contract, I’d wait and see what was available when my contract finally ended.

    I think, having read reviews, headlines, seen the ads, lapped up the keynote speeches, I was expecting something radical but didn’t get what I wanted.

    In terms of design, it isn’t a major departure of whats gone before – which isn’t a bad thing, but it seems that the minor changes in design are changes for changes sake? The split into 5S and 5C doesn’t make much sense for me. The garish colours of the 5C don’t appeal, and the 5S seems a smidge ’80’s. I have to admit to being a little unsure of the size – its feels like it going down the route of others in trying to increase screen size at the sake of portability? It isn’t an iPad, mini or otherwise, so please Apple, don’t make the 6 any bigger. This is a phone, and I for one hope it stays a phone size!

    The 5S I got to try out was the white screen one, perfect for my stilettos on a Saturday night. Its nice enough but, and heres my big issue, the major update from Apple was the iOS, with its overhaul, new fresh looks, new icons, new features – and all these are available on my old handset. I have these, I can play with them – and don’t need to fork out for a handset that offers nothing else. I really don’t care about fingerprint technology – I’ve seen the Man From Uncle (as your dad) and don’t really care that much! If my phone is stolen or lost, I can track, wipe and lock it from my iPad or MarBook (told you I was an apple geek).

    If I’m honest, there simply isn’t anything radical enough here to make me want to upgrade at a cost. Give me a free handset and I’ll upgrade tomorrow – who wouldn’t, but with phone companies increasingly charging you for handsets and an arm and a leg for data, is it worth it?

    I wonder when we’ll get to the point where there isn’t anything new they can do with phones? We hear stories about intelligent glass phones, simple screens without cases as the tech is inside the screen. We have Google glasses, so why not glasses that act as a phone as well? We have watches that link to phones…so why not a simple watch that does it alone? Who knows where we’ll end up – maybe by then I’ll be a true grumpy old man and have given up trying to keep up and want a phone that does something radical, like make phone calls?

    The Positive
    ▪ It’s sleek
    ▪ It’s shiny
    ▪ It’s Apple

    The Negatives
    ▪ Nothing new
    ▪ Silly new charging pins!
    ▪ too big for my phone case

    Price: iPhone 5s, (white) available from £79 on Vodafone Red 4G-ready price plans for £47 per month
    Or Sim Free available from AMAZON from £508

    Maybe I’m just too used to Apple breaking rules, creating ground breaking designs, products that change your life – and lately they haven’t done this. Now, they may be consolidating their business, building on what’s gone before and ensuring that Mr Jobs legacy continues with a strong business base, solid products, and worldwide appeal. However, this former garage start-up seems to be more about big business and tying you into its products than innovation and interest. They make more and more upgrades, and make more and more of their older items obsolete in the process and this worries me.

    £500 for a handset that may be out of date in a year for two – not just in terms of style, but in terms of support for the iOS……makes you think

    Our Rating: ★★★

    Specifications:
    iPhone 5S
    Colours: gold, silver and space grey
    Size: 16, 32 or 64 GB
    Dimensions:
    Height: 123.8 mm (4.87 inches)
    Width: 58.6 mm (2.31 inches)
    Depth: 7.6 mm (0.30 inches)
    Weight: 112 grams (3.95 ounces)

    Fingerprint identity sensor built into the Home button
    Retina Display
    8-mega pixel camera
    True tone flash
    Siri (watch the trailer for “Her”!)
    and many, many more but Apple list them better than me…..

  • COLUMN | Money Worries

    So, there I was, plodding along in a job i didn’t mind, plotting and planning my escape route for when I’m ready when – you guessed it – the rug goes out from under, REDUNDANCY.

    That dreaded word for most people, but especially when you’re the wrong side of 40. I’m far too cute to starve!

    Knowing I had some time before the end was nigh, I started to put my plots and plans into action. My idea was to use the redundancy to live on for a few months and establish my own arty/crafty business, with some writing, selling photographs and eBooks thrown in – a real 21st century portfolio career. I had a website in place, I opened several online shops with major online retailers, I created eBooks and added them via Amazon, I found sites willing to sell my images in all types of formats and sizes, I signed up to sell my Instagram images, I wrote for free on online sites – truth be told, I spread myself so thin I couldn’t see what it was I wanted to do and make sure I did it.

    The straw that broke the camel’s back was opening my own stall/shop within an existing retailer – totally the wrong thing to do, too much of a financial gamble and no research beforehand. Wrong location, wrong audience, wrong choice!

    Did I care? Not a bit – I was off and running, without a clear goal in sight and no map to guide me…

    Who needs a solid job with a dependable pension? Does such a thing exist anymore? Who wants to be a wage slave, living for the end of each month and being a weekend millionaire?

    An honest answer? Me! I’ve spent nearly 4 months self-employed and made a grand total of bugger all. My accountant is going to pee himself when he sees my end of year figures. Turns out that writing for free is a hobby, having a shop that costs you 3 times as much to run as it takes is not good business practice and if anyone tells you that you can make a fortune online, pushing your goodies via Twitter and Facebook – you have my permission to stick their smart phone where the sun don’t shine.

    I’ve come to a startling revelation over the past few months – whilst I enjoy what I do in terms of being creative (writing, making stuff, drawing things and taking snaps) I enjoy paying my bills more. There is no short cut, it’s a hard slog – but it’ll be worth it eventually. My redundancy is nearly gone, so its back to full time employment I fear, but I won’t give up the dream – I just prefer it with heating, lighting and food on the table…

    Visit Chris’ shop at

    www.jonesyinc.co.uk or www.etsy.com/shop/jonesyinc