THEGAYUK

Author: JoeWritesThings

  • COLUMN | What if you’re gay and conservative with a small c

    Politics is Gay – Why Being Gay Makes Voting Impossible

    As I have gotten older and educated myself, my politics has changed dramatically. When I was 19, I wrote an article arguing that gay marriages should not be allowed in churches because it wasn’t fair to the religious beliefs of others. I was, quite rightly, schooled by my peers on how ridiculous that was. I also received an email from a gay couple who, as Catholics, always felt marginalised by their faith and that they hoped to get married in a Church one day. So my viewpoint evolved.

    The recent US Election has led to pro-Trump people arguing that Trump is better for LGBT people because he’s always been pro-marriage and correctly pointed out that President Obama and Secretary Clinton were against gay marriage for some time. That got me thinking about how my politics has changed and how it’s difficult to always get it right. I wondered then, is politics lose-lose for gay people?

    I would describe my politics as ‘warped’. I don’t believe that immigration should be uncapped, I don’t believe in free movement of people and I believe the welfare state should be reformed. However, I also don’t believe in allowing people to suffer, I do believe in skilled workers emigrating to the UK and I also don’t believe that those in need should be left below the poverty line. A friend of mine annoyed at my viewpoint, told me that ‘liberalism isn’t pick and mix. You must pick a side’.

    Many would agree with him, argue that I’m wishy-washy but it’s hard for me.

    I wrote recently about my Diabetes diagnosis in March 2016. I was sick for six weeks prior to diagnosis and struggled to get a doctor’s appointment. I had a meeting with the lead GP who told me that the surgery was struggling due to an influx of Eastern European patients moving in the area. It was argued to me by some friends that the result of this influx should be more money into the NHS rather than blaming those who come here. However, I come from a small Cheshire town which is equal distance to Liverpool and Manchester that, due to a housing crisis in cities, has had most of its green belt land sold for housing to be build. There has been zero infrastructural investment in assisting with the influx of people to the town so now there are issues with traffic and public transport. For me, something has to give.

    But then there’s the gay problem. LGBT people tend to be liberal and progressive. We have fought for years for equality, fairness and respect. We tend to align ourselves with other marginalised groups that are also currently facing prejudice, hate and violence. It is, therefore, for me, a strong consideration in my politics. I am not middle class yet I am not working class. According to the BBC Great British Class Calculator, I am part of the ‘Emergent Services Workers’ class. I do, however, do better financially under a Conservative Government’s policy than a Labour Government’s policy. I live from wage to wage with little savings, little hope of owning my own house and a high rent bill. Yet, I also know that the Conservative Party has a sketchy history with LGBT rights. They are known as the party that brought in Marriage Equality but, actually, it was the work of the Lib Dems that helped usher that in.

    Interestingly, 126 Conservatives voted for marriage equality yet a total 134 voted against it.

    There were 35 Conservatives including current Chancellor of the Exchequer Philip Hammond who didn’t vote at all. However, it was recently revealed Justine Greening, Education Secretary, may be considering teaching inclusive sex and relationship education in schools which would, of course, be a major step after the dark days of Section 28.

    The Brexit vote was also difficult. As a gay man who was concerned about the economic implications of our future in the EU as well as the UK Sovereignty issue, I was also well aware of the EU’s role (especially in regards to Human Rights) in enshrining gay rights in the UK. So the real question here is how far do you let your gayness eschew your political view?

    Should it be the leading factor in making your mind up?

    I am not affiliated with any political party but, as I get older, I become increasingly political. The election of Donald Trump worries me less than the ascension of Vice President-elect Mike Pence. Pence is staunchly anti-Gay and believes in gay conversion therapy. He also thinks LGBT people should be allowed to be discriminated against based on people’s religions. So, you can imagine my horror when Boris Johnson recently doubled down on how much he’s looking forward to working with him.

    The future of LGBT rights in the UK is also something little discussed as we head further to the March deadline for triggering Article 50. Whilst it’s comforting having an LGBT person as Equality Minister (Justine Greening, who is also Education Secretary as noted above) it is vitally important that the UK continues to ensure LGBT rights are protected and make a commitment to that prior to us leaving the EU.

    I am a man divided. I am conservative (with a small ‘c’) when it comes to many things (I am even for the Buckingham Palace refurb!) but I’m also widely liberal. I am concerned by levels of immigration but even more concerned for those who are persecuted in their own countries to the point of violence.

    I stare in abject horror of images of gay men being thrown from buildings. My heart breaks to hear of disabled people dying due to poverty caused by welfare cuts. I feel unrepresented by modern politics and every election seems to offer me a rock and a hard place.

    Do I vote as a citizen or do I vote as a gay man? Either way, to me, it’s always lose-lose.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Column | The Burden Of Survival

    When you hear of somebody surviving an accident, recovering from an illness or defeating odds there are always the same buzzwords. We say we are blessed or thankful or grateful. Those who enquire get regaled with the story of our hurdles as people earnestly hold our hands and thank God for your still being on Earth. The one word you never hear mentioned is ‘burden’.

    When I was born, the doctors immediately knew something was wrong. My body was contorted, my ear was deformed, my foot was clubbed to the extent where they had to immediately cut my hamstring to loosen the tightness. I was operated on as they battled to save me. This deformed boy and his twin sister. My sister recovered quickly from the harshness of a caesarian section but for me, it was just the beginning. My parents sat, solemn, as they were told the boy they dreamed of would not be long on this Earth. He would never walk, talk or crawl. They sat frozen, as they were told I had a two year life expectancy.

    Then my third birthday came. And I could crawl, I began to walk and I could talk. My parents, like others, believed it was a miracle. They believed that God had shined a light on their son. They sat, operation after operation, wondering if the miracle would finally run out. Like they were in a pay and display parking bay and the metre was near empty. But I would return. Scarred, sure, but alive. The miracle kept on being a miracle. And so the baby became a child, whose parents were told would never be able to feed himself, began getting good grades in school. My parents looked on in proud amazement with each examination certificate, each award, each monumental step they thought they’d never see. And with this came the burden. To always do more and be more. Their child, their miracle.

    My parents never put this pressure on me. Nor did anyone else. But boy do I feel the expectation. You begin to feel invincible. I have been through operations where I have flatlined on the table, where they once intubated me with such force it pushed my teeth forward requiring braces. I have felt the grip of asthma, cruelly squeezing my lungs of their last breath. I have overcome so many hurdles, and it’s hard not to think there’s a reason. I don’t believe in God but how many times does one person get to cheat Death? To defy the odds? But with each time, the burden got greater. The burden to be something that makes a difference in the world.

    This ambition has led me down so many paths, has forced so many mistakes. It has seen me desperate for affection and make some poor decisions, just to be noticed. I want to believe that me being alive makes a difference in the world so that, if the miracle runs out, it was all worthwhile. So every misstep hurts that little bit more. Coming out as gay hurt a little bit more because it felt like I was disappointing others. It makes me give things up way too soon because I constantly feel like I’m running the clock. That I have to get to some sort of finish line.

    I believe that I have met the true love of my life. He felt like the missing piece, my true second half. But he came with his demons and I tried to stand by him but when it looked like our relationship wasn’t going to be PERFECT, I backed off. I began to grow tired of his low moments, I grew angry that he didn’t have the same ambition I did. He wanted to be happy but he had his own battles to face, so he wasn’t. My need to both be the best boyfriend and HAVE the best boyfriend added pressure. It pushed him away. And now I struggle to even date because I don’t believe anybody could match him in my mind or my heart.

    Then, in March, I almost died. It was discovered that I was a insulin dependant Diabetic. My Doctors had confused the symptoms for a stomach virus and my body began shutting down. I was told I was around two days away from death. This has added a whole new aspect to my life. My body is black and blue with the bruises from injections. My fingertips glow red with the endless pricking and drawing of blood I have to do. And I’m exhausted. Mentally and physically. This has broken me. People keep telling me that I’ll get used to it, that it’ll become normal but I implore them to try injecting themselves five times a day and feel normal. I am tired of having to be careful, frightened of what might happen. And then, there’s the burden. That I have been given the freedom to live, as long as I take my medication. Years ago, when Diabetes was unknown, people just died. It killed them fast. Now I have the responsibility of being grateful for the power of modern medicine. So when I feel down and exhausted, I feel ungrateful and selfish too.

    Nobody ever talks about the burden of surviving. But I’ve experienced operations and rehab, pain and heartbreak and near-death and recovery. And as I get older, the burden of survival somehow lessens. Because with each new day, life teaches me that I have no control over what’s going to happen. So the burden slowly chips away to reveal that, deep down, the only thing I need to feel is lucky. And all I can do is my best to remember that. To breathe in and feel the air in my lungs because no matter how I feel when I wake up, I must always try to take a moment to feel blessed, to be grateful and to give thanks. Because, the crux of it all is: I’ve survived.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • CAKE EXPECTATIONS: Who is going to be the next presenters of Bake Off?

    CAKE EXPECTATIONS: Who is going to be the next presenters of Bake Off?

    A nation in shock. A country in turmoil. The tears of millions flood the land. Forget Brexit, the nation is gripped by Breadxit! That’s right, by now you all know that Love Productions failed to rise to the occasion and followed the dough and has officially jumped shipped to Channel 4.

    The news leaked faster than Iain’s melted Baked Alaska and it was soon revealed that Mel & Sue have decided to step down as hosts. Whilst I am sure nobody can do it batter than these two, here is a list of likely hosts that could potentially be the cherry on top of Channel 4’s cake.

    Davina McCall

    CREDIT: Channel 4

    After one disaster after another, it looks likely that the next series of The Jump will be Channel 4’s last. That leaves Davina McCall out in the cold. The loveable presenter is a Channel 4 stalwart having found success with the cult classic Streetmate before fronting reality giant Big Brother.

    Pros
    She’s Davina! Her crazy energy and warmth would make her the perfect candidate for the host gig. She’s got tonnes of reality TV experience and has a strong background in food and baking.

    She’s a big name, which is exactly what Channel 4 need to draw interest from disgruntled viewers. Whilst Chris Evans was a hit in the 90s, his return to TV on Top Gear was a dud. Davina has managed to stay currant throughout her decades on the box.

    Cons
    Davina’s a health nut and fattening cakes and other bakes isn’t exactly in keeping with her brand. In addition, Davina has recently released a cookbook, which is all about cutting sugar out of your life. Something which would no doubt get a frosty reception from Mary Berry.

    She’s a distraction. Davina’s loveable energy is a big hit with audiences but the secret to Mel & Sue’s success is that they never draw attention away from the bakers. Davina naturally draws attention from her viewers, so could her presenting be too big for the tent?

    Likelihood: 4/5

    Paul O’Grady

    Paul O'grady
    © Battersea Dogs Home

    Whilst Paul has found his comfort zone with animal documentaries, he still manages to endear the nation. His personality is a pleasant mix of humour and sincerity, which makes him endlessly watchable. Whilst he first won the nation’s heart as Lily Savage, it’s his work on afternoon chat shows and animal documentaries that has won him both awards but also the love of a nation.

    Pros
    Paul’s personality is a perfect fit. His teatime chat and time on Blankety Blank managed to dance on the boundary of the inappropriate, so innuendos would still be a-plenty. Paul would manage to keep the light heartedness of the show but still be able to play into the drama.

    Paul is a professional with many decades in the business covering different genres. He’s a quick wit with a cool head so he’d easily fit into the Bake Off format without making it seem too different. A new host is in danger of alienating the audience who will be expecting nothing but perfection once Bake Off jumps ship.

    Cons
    Paul has previously criticised the show stating that he is “not interested in a gang of people in a tent making Swiss rolls”. It wouldn’t be great for his integrity for him to front a show he previously criticised. But, with this £25m a year acquisition, perhaps Paul will be otherwise swayed.

    Paul’s previous work has always been quite emotional as works to improve the life of rescue dogs so, when it comes to a burnt cake, he mightn’t be as caring. Mel and Sue always seemed genuinely interested in the show and its contestants but it is likely Paul would not be as emotionally involved and, therefore, may leave the viewers a bit cold.

    Likelihood: 3/5

    Richard & Judy

    Richard and Judy have been off-screen as for some time now but I am sure, for many, it’d be a welcome return. Judy may be hitting our screens as a Loose Woman but it’s certainly not the same without her being talked over. The duo have excellent chemistry (well you’d hope so since they’re married) and their middle class humour is pitch perfect for the show’s audience and pace.

    Pros
    Richard and Judy are a duo with great chemistry, just like Mel and Sue. They were TV’s Mum and Dad, slowly getting drunk on wine in the front room so it would certainly be a comfort when uncertainty sets in as the show moves to Channel 4. Viewers are used to seeing them together and their welcome return would no doubt show that the channel is willing to put some heavyweight talent behind the move.

    Richard and Judy have always been tastemakers. They’ve always promoted the finest food and wine and championed the best books. The viewing public trust them so if they were willing to sign up, it’d certainly add to the legitimacy of the show. Right now the rose tinted glasses of the show have been smashed by the capitalistic move by Love Productions and viewers need to believe that Channel 4’s acquisition is because they care about the format rather than advertising money and ratings.

    Cons
    Richard and Judy have been off air for some time, could it be difficult to watch them together? Despite their great chemistry, Judy has managed to re-model herself as a clear individual. Will they still gel well together and manage to recreate their magic?

    Whilst Judy was always pleasant, Richard is often known for his awkward jokes and gaffes on air including revealing Judy once had a bad time with thrush. Richard may try to attempt to continue Mel and Sue’s famed banter and will most likely fall flat on his face.

    Likelihood: 2/5

     

    Jo Brand

    Jo Brand
    – (C) Love Productions – Photographer: Mark Bourdillon

     

    Jo currently hosts Bake Off’s spin off show An Extra Slice so it wouldn’t be completely unusual for her to slip into the main slot. The move would be strikingly similar to Emma Willis taking over from Brian Downling as host of Channel 5’s iteration of Big Brother. Jo is a proven comedic talent who already has a love for the show. I would argue that Jo would be the safest bet for new host.

    Pros
    Jo is already part of the Bake Off family. With Mel and Sue gone, Paul & Mary will likely follow so it’d be nice to have somebody on the show that could carry the torch for the BBC version. Jo’s love of the show and her knowledge of the audience means she’ll be able to hit the right tone immediately. Hiring Jo would also reassure viewers that Channel 4 aren’t  looking to completely re-invent the wheel.

    Jo is a huge fan of cakes and baking so her enthusiasm for the baker’s achievements will feel genuine rather than forced. We know she loves the show, we know she appreciates the art so therefore it’ll be more believable and, therefore, enjoyable for us!

    Cons
    Jo’s persona is very grumpy old woman, which won’t play well in the tent. She has never shown a particular warmth so she may not be as comforting to the contestants and may make interactions seem a little more awkward as a result. Mel & Sue had the perfect split of humour and kindness and Jo would struggle to meet that.

    Jo is very BBC and has been a familiar face for many, many years so it may seem a bit strange to watch her on Channel 4. Jo is a BBC stalwart so any move there would be interpreted as a money grab. As a member of the show already, it could do her more damage than good to move with the show as viewers could potentially interpret the move as disloyalty. I imagine if Paul and Mary stay on, they would face similar criticism.

    Likelihood: 5/5

    Anna Richardson

    Anna Richardson
    CREDIT: Channel 4

     

    Anna is one of Channel 4’s loyal hosts, having fronted many shows for the broadcaster. Anna has presented lots of factual entertainment from Secret Eaters to Supersize v Superskinny so viewers are likely familiar with her work. She has a laid-back approach to dealing with people, which would work well within the tent. She also has a strong production background, which would make her a sensible choice for the show. In addition to this, Anna has managed to show both her serious and funny sides in shows such as The Sex Education Show and Naked Attraction. However, her current partner is current Bake Off host Sue Perkins so Anna hosting may make things a little awkward.

    Pros
    Anna’s personality is a mix of serious and cheeky which is another good blend for the show. Her journalistic instincts will get her to root out the secrets behind the bakers and her light heartedness will cut through any tension.

    Anna has dealt with many topics on TV but has steadfastly covered food and the psychology of food. She would be wholly believable as a host and, as her work on Secret Eaters has shown, she cares deeply for others. She has a natural rapport with people even in awkward situations i.e. them being stark bollock naked so Anna would be able to interact easily with bakers and judges alike.

    Cons
    Anna is known more recently for Naked Attraction so she may not be seen as a suitable host for such a mild mannered show. It’s quite the jump to go from dicks and tits to pies and cakes.

    Anna’s worth is deeply rooted in the meaning of things and, whilst that might add a fun element to the show, it could also result in her trying to think too deep about things. The Bake Off is successful because it’s easy-going so nobody wants to know what happened in a baker’s childhood to make them want to add chilli to their chocolate cake.
    Likelihood: 4/5
    Outside Chances (Likelihood between 1/5 to 2/5)
    Myleen Klass, Julian Clary, Eric Lanlard, Kirstie Allsop, Ella Woodward, Jonathan Ross, Fern Britton, Dawn French & Jennifer Saunders, Joanna Lumley, John Snow and Kirstie Gallacher

     

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  • COLUMN | I’m like Trump… When people probe me… I Lie

    In Gay We Trust: The Vulnerability Of Living Proud

    Lao Tzu once said that “he who doesn’t trust enough will not be trusted”. He focussed on the importance of a mutual trust, an understanding, that for people to be open to you, you must equally be as open to them. But when you spend your life lying, and eventually get burnt, how can you ever open up again?

    Being “in the closet” is how every not-out gay man is referred to. This metaphor that says you’re hiding secretly away, watching through the gap in the doors, waiting to see when it’s safe to come out. The reality is much more different. Not being out is like being trapped in your own mind. I remember it clearly; the fear that you’ll let slip, that you’ll say the wrong thing or something will give you away. I remember going shopping with my family, fearing the self-checkout will scream out “unexpected homo in the bagging area”. It was a lonely time, a time of isolation. I was out to all my friends in school but I lived in fear of word getting back to my parents. I’d place trust in “friends” who eventually would spread word until everyone knew I was gay.

    My parents would ask me leading questions. I think they’d always known I was gay. Instead, I learned to lie. I would tell people I wasn’t gay and, selfishly, would get girlfriends to prove I wasn’t. The problem is, the more often you have to lie, the better you get at it. The lies were helpful to me when I broke up with my first boyfriend. My entire world had torn apart. I would cry every night, I couldn’t concentrate in school. Seeing his face every day as he sat opposite me was like a dagger inside. I had nowhere to place my hurt, my aggression or my confusion. But I couldn’t turn to my parents because then they’d know the truth about it all. They’d know I was gay, they’d know I had a boyfriend and that I hid it from them.

    When I eventually came out to my parents, things weren’t easy at first. Although I believe they knew, they struggled with the revelation and what it meant for my future or at least, the future they’d always imaged for me. Eventually, they got over their hang ups and are now incredibly supportive. They now want me to be open to them, to tell them about my life but I’ve spent so many years hiding it from them, even now I struggle to open up. I’m constantly asked about my love life, who I’m dating or what I get up to but I find myself shrugging it off out of a reflex action. I grew up in a society where being gay was negative and that you should tell no-one. You don’t just get over that. The problem is, when you can’t tell your parents what is happening, you end up raising yourself when it comes to certainly subjects. I taught myself about flirting, falling in love, break-ups, sex and safety. The difficulty being I had to learn from my mistakes. It hardens you, it makes you closed off and invulnerable. So, when you’re 26 and people tell you to open up more, it’s difficult.

    I am honest about superficial things. I talk openly and, somewhat graphically, about sex. I joke on Facebook about my ‘sad’ life. But I’m very rarely vulnerable. At 26, I have had 3 real relationships. My trust and my heart has been broken each time. I’ve had friends betray me, even recently. With every betrayal I face, the higher I build my wall. I’m like an emotional Donald Trump. Instead, when people probe me about how I am, I lie. In March, I discovered I was a type 1 diabetic. I discovered this by being rushed to hospital and told I was two days away from dying. I have spent months learning to deal with injections and appointments, risks and dangers. Yet, if you ask me how I am, I’ll probably tell you I’m fine. I’ll smile, make a joke and let you get on with your day. Because that’s what I do. Because if I tell you the truth, if I make myself vulnerable, it’ll just be a case of ‘when’ and not ‘if’ you betray me.

    The close friends in my life have had to give so much of themselves to me before I could let them in. They’ve had to be patient and kind and so vulnerable themselves. I know everything about my close friends and sometimes it can seem like I’m trying to get ammunition on them. When I feel ready to get close to someone, I ask to hear their secrets. I probe them about their lives. Because the truth they speak and the vulnerability they show is the only thing that can thaw the ice inside me. For months, they are very patient and slowly, I can allow myself to be vulnerable.

    I want to think it’s not too late for me to learn to trust more but I fear ever being considered naive or to place my trust in people who don’t deserve it. My first boyfriend got himself a girlfriend. My second boyfriend told everyone I had made the whole relationship up and the third one ran away with the circus (a whole other article, I assure you). Each of these moments, so pivotal in my life, added another brick to the wall. I just hope that some day, as the scars of my past fade, I’ll learn to trust again.

    I am no longer the closeted gay boy fearing being outed. I am a grown man who needs to learn to open up. I believe that pride comes before the thaw, that to be vulnerable and honest, to be truly myself is not proof of my naivety nor any emotional stupidity but is simply what it is to be human.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | I don’t need Pride to be Proud

    COLUMN: Pride & My Prejudice

    I have never been to Pride before. Any Pride. I’ve been asked, even had an offer to buy my ticket but I have just never really fancied it.

    Originally, it came from internal homophobia. I used to tell myself when I was younger that Pride was a ridiculous idea. I was blinded to the fact that homophobia and transphobia is a daily occurrence, I had never truly faced “real” homophobia, the kind that makes it into the papers. My mind naively threw a filter over the micro-aggressions I hadn’t then realised I faced every day. “They didn’t mean it like that”, I would tell myself despite knowing, deep down, that I felt uncomfortable or hurt for a reason. Even as the years grew on, I never cared much for Pride. I felt it was just a massive party rather than a social message. So what was the point in going?

    Then Orlando happened. And in the days after I attended an event that opened my eyes. Together, hundreds upon hundreds of LGBT people and allies held hands and created a chain around the entirety of Manchester’s Gay Village. I stood with them, I consoled others as they cried, the idea of something so heinous being too much for anyone to process. Then I heard the thunderous speeches from community figures, heroes and activists whose words hit me hard, like a train, waking me up to what had previously blinded me. I got lost in the beauty of the candlelight vigil, the flickering of the flames danced defiantly, refusing the be dampened by the rain. I realised then that we were indeed a community and that Pride was still intrinsically vital and felt shameful for my past judgement.

    When this year’s Pride rolled around, I was still on the fence. I am not a person who enjoys nightclubs or crowds. At 26, I feel I have seen and done everything that can be seen and done in gay bars. I had a wild time when I was younger and I enjoyed it but now I am easily bored and would rather be at home or in a pub having a laugh. The samey music, the awkward dancing… the entire thing just gives me anxiety. But in the back of my head was a nagging feeling that this year, I should go. That I should give Pride a chance. To make up for those times I disparaged it. The guilt won, and so I bought my ticket.

    The first night was fun but I got far too drunk during pre-drinks. It was Day 2, on the Saturday, where I came into my own. I was merrily and, this time, appropriately buzzed, surrounded by friends.  I wandered the street. I saw men openly kissing, I saw people dressed in leather, even dressed as puppies. Drag Queens roamed, their unmistakably fabulous cackles echoing around Canal Street’s historic alleyways. The floors vibrated gently thanks the collective thump of the surrounding music. I could feel it in my toes. And so my heart swelled. In the face of everything, here we were, partying. Come as you are, warts and all.

    In one bar, I got talking to some friends about our first relationships. We all had a similar story. Aged between 13 and 15, our first boyfriends were mentally and sometimes physically abusive. They were supposedly straight and, in their confusion, lashed out at us. We talked about how deeply those relationships had shaken our trust, our self-esteem and our belief in love and what is acceptable. We wondered if we allowed ourselves to be in these relationships because, at the time, we weren’t taught anything else. We couldn’t speak with our parents because that’d mean coming out, we couldn’t speak to our friends in case they exposed us and so, instead, we stayed with the people we thought loved us, even though they hurt us. For us then, it was the only way to feel accepted.

    Yet, there I was, 13 years later telling this story in a gay bar. Surrounded by happy, proud gay men. I looked around and wondered how many of them had the same story as my friends and I. How many broken people arrived and, piece by piece, were mended by this community? I relished in every opportunity to flirt in a queue, to catch the eye of a cute guy without fear. I felt empowered.

    Still, I feel that this will likely be my first and last Pride. Pride is, indeed, a big party and it’s essentially endless drinking for days. The clubs didn’t allow anybody to take their drinks outside after 11pm so there was no respite from the punishing Bank Holiday heat, the temperature rising with every additional body that entered the club. The crowds were spectacular and would snake for miles, everyone packed together. It was a level of intimacy I’ve never found comfortable. I am a man of simple pleasures; a book, a TV show or an in-depth chat. I feel my days of twerking and sweating in a heaving gay bar are over. It is time for me to sashay away.

    Although my club days are numbered, I am still full of love for Pride. It made me forgive myself for my earlier prejudice. It made me proud to be gay. As I walked to get my Taxi on Sunday, bidding farewell to this spectacular festival, I couldn’t help but smile, thinking of the memories I had made in a short weekend. Not a single person within the cordon cared about how they were dressed, who they loved and who they were. I looked back at that special place, sacred, its magic power to heal the wounds of pain and injustice.

    So, sure, I may not be present next year, propping up the bars and wandering the streets but I promise this, every single year, month, week and day of my life; I will still be filled with Pride.