Author: JoeWritesThings

  • COMMENT | It’s so easy in today’s gay culture to idolise “traditional” beauty, but most of us don’t look like that

    COMMENT | It’s so easy in today’s gay culture to idolise “traditional” beauty, but most of us don’t look like that

    The Path to Body Positivity can take a long time, columnist Joe Guy writes about his experience.

    jarmoluk / Pixabay

    I’ve always had a tough relationship with my body. Being disabled meant that I have always looked different to everyone else.

    For example, we are born with 7 muscles in our necks. I was born with 3 which are all fused together in a ball. This means my head is slightly wonky. Other than neck pain, this doesn’t directly affect my life (with the exception of the canvases in my flat looking wonky). That knowing of being different, not looking ‘normal’, immediately creates an imbalance with you, like you’re never quite on a level playing field with everyone else.

    For me, this manifested into thinking I was ugly. I remember from being a young kid and every time I would throw a penny in a fountain, blow out my birthday candles or have a loose eyelash; my wish would be the same. I would wish I looked like everyone else.

    Now, don’t get me wrong, I have amazing parents and family who would always tell me how beautiful I am. I never felt like I wasn’t loved. I was loved by everyone… just not myself.

    I then took these feelings and ate them. I would buy multiple packets of cookies and scoff them all at night when everyone was asleep. They would be hidden under my bed, behind my wardrobe, in my school bag. And so, naturally, I gained more and more weight. This was never a problem for me until I had to move school aged 13. On my first day, I walked into a classroom and saw the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. I remember he had these big blue eyes and I still recall feeling like I was going to throw up. I quickly became obsessed and made it my mission to be his friend. 

    It worked. We became close friends and eventually lovers. Privately, he was always really sweet. We’d have sex, kiss, cuddle and he’d tell me how much he liked me. Publicly, he’d point out if I got sweaty, mock me loudly if I was eating chocolate and I was always the butt of his jokes.

    I took it all with a smile because I loved him.

    I went on my first diet aged 14. I told my parents I would be cooking for myself and would make small meals full of vegetables.

    I began following workout DVDs. I’d do everything I could to lose weight, fast.

    My relationship with him lasted 3 years and I spent the entire time willing to do anything for him to love me.

    It was never going to happen, he was confused about his sexuality and didn’t know what he wanted. This made him both physically and mentally abusive towards me. He would text me if I posted a photograph online saying I looked huge or, if I changed my profile picture on MSN, he’d tell me how ugly I looked in it.

    I allowed this because I felt grateful he even paid any attention to me. He and I were always off and on and, in-between our off times, I got attention from other people in my year group. I had lots of sex in High School (sorry, Mum!) but this never boosted my body confidence because I believed everything my boyfriend was telling me, that I was ugly and fat and that nobody really wanted me. I was only good for sex.

    We broke up at 16 when I decided to stay in Sixth Form and he went to a different college. Free from his clutches, I started to feel good about myself again. I also ate like crazy and gained my weight back.

    Then I fell in love for a second time.

    He was a nerdy guy that I struck up a friendship with when I noticed he sat alone. He was funny, sarcastic and he had a beautiful smile. I was smitten but it was somewhat unrequited. I decided the only way to make him like me was if I lost weight. Yet again, I went on a diet. This guy was always very kind to me. He never commented on my body or my weight. He never made me feel ugly. Yet, I still took it upon myself to assume I was. 

    This pattern has carried on throughout my life. My confidence in myself and my body has always been based on men. If men paid me attention, that meant I was attractive.

    At University, I found myself in a long distance relationship with someone I’d spoken with online since I was young. He was funny and interesting. Unfortunately, he was also a heavy drinker. When he’d drink, he’d become abusive to me. He’d go on a drunken Skype rages about how fat I’d gotten since I started University. He wasn’t wrong, I had gained the typical Freshers 15 and then some. This time, I didn’t diet. I just carried on eating. And eating. I would binge on takeaways and booze and cakes. Once he and I broke up, I poured my affection into food instead. I would go on websites like FitLads but it’d break my heart when people didn’t message me first. I always felt I knew why: I’m too fat and ugly to be loved.

    This feeling, like I wasn’t enough like I didn’t even deserve to be loved carried on right through my 20s. Until last year. I met someone. It wasn’t a love affair, we only kissed once, but I never felt self-conscious the entire time I was in his presence. He was more interested in me, as a person. We’d talk about our favourite TV shows, we’d laugh at stupid jokes and I never once felt I should be grateful he paid attention to me (even though he was SO gorgeous). I felt on top of the world that maybe, just maybe, someone would like me for me. Could it be possible? Am I actually deserving of being loved? I came to the realisation that I was locked up in a jail cell whilst holding the key the entire time. This boy hadn’t done anything special to make me feel this way. It was how I thought about myself. At the same time, I also realised that I had become extremely unhealthy. I was tipping the scales at 20 stone, I was eating 3 takeaways a week. I was struggling to breathe, I was sweating constantly. I wasn’t just overweight but morbidly obese.

    I have since lost over 5 stone and what has been interesting is how much of my lack of confidence is still to be shifted too. I feel more confident in how I look on the whole but I still carry those same fears. I may be thinner but am I actually pretty? Is my hair too thin? I’ve got stretch marks from losing weight, will anybody want to look at me? I now realise that I still have a long way to go truly loving myself and my body. But it’s happening bit by bit. With every selfie, I post where I actually smile because who cares if my teeth look a bit weird? With every crazy outfit, I wear because I’m still working out my style. I do things for me, I dress how I want to dress because I like it. And when I look in the mirror, I feel pride. I have moments of weakness, sure. And there are definitely still issues I have to face in that I still attach some of my self worth to the approval of men. But I’m working on it. Self-confidence is a matter of both mind and body. All I need is time.

    So, here’s my advice. Tell the guy you like, you like him. Compliment someone on their outfit. And compliment yourself. It’s so easy in today’s gay culture to idolise “traditional” beauty but most of us don’t have the six pack and the thick hair and the flawless skin.

    The first step to accepting yourself is accepting we’re all different. And damn it, being different isn’t a flaw… it’s a beautiful gift.

  • COMMENT | WWE finally shows its Pride

    COMMENT | WWE finally shows its Pride

    Being a WWE fan has never been 100% easy.

    I have been in love with wrestling ever since I was a kid. Naturally, it was the campy, dramatic side of things that got me interested in Sports Entertainment. The first ever episode I watched involved Stephanie McMahon marrying a wrestler called Test. However, during the ceremony, it is revealed she was secretly drugged by McMahon Family nemesis Triple H who married her in a Las Vegas drive-through. It was pure soap opera and I was hooked.

    “Being a gay WWE fan means that you often have to forgive a lot of previous transgressions.”

    However, as the kids say, WWE has been quite “problematic” over the years. Being a gay WWE fan means that you often have to forgive a lot of previous transgressions. The Attitude Era was defining for WWE. It was when you had Stone Cold drinking beers, DX tormenting the boss Vince McMahon and there were half-naked ladies for the eye to see. It was rude, obnoxious and outrageous; it was everything we wanted to be. It was also pretty homophobic. WWE has never shied away from a gay joke throughout its time. I remember a scene when my favourite wrestler Triple H went looking for Shawn Michaels in a restaurant. He mistakes a long-haired waiter for Shawn explaining “well, that’s certainly a different look to the chaps I usually see you in there, Sexy Boy (Shawn Michaels’ nickname)”. The waiter then visibly checks Triple H out and, after Triple H apologises and tries to leave, the waiter tells him “I get off at seven”. Triple H retorts “yeah, I bet you do”. For a wrestling fan, it’s good bit, pointing out the homoerotic undertones of the Shawn Michaels/Triple H dynamic. This, though, was 2009. Not the attitude era but the PG era.

    WWE’s homophobia hasn’t always been a “subtle” joke. WWE commentator Michael Cole got in trouble for calling his then-colleague a faggot on Twitter. Even favourite John Cena was under fire for gay jokes made towards The Rock in 2011. The most vivid example I remember was watching Raw with my brother in 1997. On it, Jerry Lawler was cutting a promo on Goldust telling him his father hated him because he’d married a gold digger and was now kissing men like a “flaming faggot”. This was not beeped out, this was deemed perfectly acceptable. Now sure, Lawler was playing heel (a wrestling term for ‘bad guy’) and Goldust got the win but it was particularly biting for a 7-year-old to take in.

    Men who kiss men are faggots. That was my take-away from that.

    One thing I have always felt as a WWE fan, though, is under-representation. WWE has always had relationship storylines. They have actually been some of my favourites. From Triple and Stephanie, Stone Cold and Debra to Zack Ryder and Eve, they are the soap opera stories that have had me interested in WWE for so long. But WWE has never had a gay-centric storyline (for any WWE fans reading this, Billy and Chuck do NOT count). We’ve had “hot lesbian action” but nothing ever gay. And let’s face it: WWE is pretty gay! It’s fit men in underwear grinding on top of each other. Yet WWE has never pulled the trigger.

    Then, in recent years, WWE has launched initiatives such as Be A Star which is an anti-bullying programme of events which promote tolerance and inclusion. Many WWE Superstars even got involved in the LGBT charity campaign No H8. This was, for me, pretty remarkable as it was the first time WWE really ever gave a nod to its LGBT fans. And to have two executives like Triple H and Stephanie McMahon do it sent a clear message that WWE was becoming more inclusive. This was then reiterated by support now-released wrestler Darren Young received when he came out. However, it was given a caveat that Young’s on-screen character “is not gay” but that there may be a change in future. This, however, did not happen and sadly Young was released 4 years later (likely due to a lack of creative ideas for Young rather than his coming out).

    NO H8 Campaign

    Cut to: Wrestlemania. Prior to the event, WWE Superstar and Twitter Thirst Trap Finn Balór announced that he was releasing a new t-shirt. This shirt would colour his logo with LGBT colours and a percentage of the funds would go to GLAAD, an American LGBT charity. This was the first time WWE would be showing pride colours (no, the Ultimate Warrior’s rainbow tassels don’t count). I marvelled at such an amazing gesture and was thrilled. Then… Wrestlemania. There was a pre-show Women’s Battle Royale match in which up and coming superstar Sonya Deville took part. Her usual outfit is all-black as a symbol of her fierce aggression. However, this time, she had donned white with rainbow colours. Sonya had previously tweeted praise Finn Balór’s t-shirt initiative and also came out as the WWE’s first openly-lesbian Superstar.

    Then came Finn’s match. Finn was joined in his entrance by local New Orleans LGBT community members. He was wearing the rainbow shirt, had the rainbow logo on his trunks and a rainbow running down the back of his boots. This was something WWE has never seen before and it was remarkable. Finn is a hugely popular talent and to support LGBT in a brand like WWE has worldwide significance. Let alone, it was his Wrestlemania debut. I am not afraid to say, it got me emotional because I thought about how it would’ve felt for 7-year-old me to have seen Finn entire in rainbow colours rather than hearing the word faggot.

    I truly hope this is a turning point to how WWE approached its LGBT fans. We are a valid part of the WWE Universe and to have this representation on their biggest show is a monumental step forward and an overwhelming gesture. I truly hope Finn, Sonya and the WWE know what an important moment that was for LGBT fans. I hope this continues and doesn’t get sidelined into a gimmick. We need an openly LGBT character, LGBT storylines and a commitment from WWE that is will continue to show its Pride.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Am I suffering Gay Paranoia? Is it me or my sexuality?

    COMMENT | Am I suffering Gay Paranoia? Is it me or my sexuality?

    “LGBT people have to work harder to be listened to, have to work harder to get anything done and that is a sad fact of life as it stands”

    An old Stonewall campaign (C) STONEWALL

    I have not been the greatest member of the LGBT community.

    When I was in my teens and early 20s, I was privileged to be in very liberal environments. I went to a high school where I was the only out gay person and my degree was in the creative field. I was surrounded by like-minded and open-minded people. This led me to believe that talks of microaggressions and homophobia were exaggerated. I even wrote articles against allowing gay marriage in churches, questioning Pride parades and deriding camp men. I look back on that time with great regret and shame as, now I am older, I have actually studied LGBT history. I understand the plight of LGBT people around the World. And, on an increasing scale, I have myself felt the effects of subtle homophobia and microaggressions.

    It is difficult sometimes to try and decipher if how you are being treated is because of how you are acting or because of who you are. I often wonder if becoming more “woke” has made me hyper-alert, like I am deliberately seeking it out. I have experienced frequently in my work life, moments where I have felt dismissed. I have been told I am “emotional”, told to stop being “a diva” or called “sensitive”. Yet, I have seen straight male colleagues be treated completely different. I have never once seen two straight male colleagues have a heated debate and either of them be called “emotional” or a “diva”. I remember having a heated discussion with a senior manager at one company I worked at and I was providing him with perfectly logical information. He was having none of it, kept telling me I needed to “chill” and stop being so “sensitive”. I eventually phoned a colleague and explained what had gone on and then, when he arrived back to the office, I stood and watched him explain the exact same points to the senior manager that I had raised, who then wholeheartedly agreed and went ahead as I had advised!

    But here lies the problem; is it my approach or my sexuality? Nobody I’ve ever worked with in my entire work life has ever outwardly expressed homophobia. I have never been made to feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Yet, I have frequently found myself turned down for promotion, talked down to, dismissed and patronised. I am a very passionate person and, when I care about an issue, I express that strongly but I have seen other straight colleagues behave in a similar manner and they don’t receive the admonishment I do. I remember once having a conversation with a friend who said they felt LGBT people have a ‘chip on their shoulder’. It was a point, many years ago, I would’ve agreed with but now I completely disagree. You just need to look at what is happening in the world. Gay men are still beat up and abused regularly in the UK.

    In 2016/2017 there was a 27% increase in reported hate crimes based on sexuality from the previous year. That’s just what gets reported. I have had friends experience situations such as not being allowed in a bar because he was “too gay” or be yelled at when they held hands with their boyfriends. These situations are still very real. You have the President of the United States banning transgender people from serving in the Army. You have gay men in Chechnya being rounded up to be tortured and murdered. You even have people like Jacob Rees-Mogg being glorified on Twitter and lauded as a next potential leader because of how “quirky” he is when, in truth, he doesn’t believe in gay marriage. Is it any surprise we’re so vigilant? It is important to learn from the mistakes of the past to ensure that history is not repeated.

    I will never truly know if how I am treated is because of my approach or my sexuality. It is something I refer to as “gay paranoia”. The problem here is that I even have to wonder. It is 2018 and I have to actively be aware of microaggressions or potentially dangerous situations. LGBT people have to work harder to be listened to, have to work harder to get anything done and that is a sad fact of life as it stands. But how can we change that? The way I see it is that we must try and stand up to homophobia, we must celebrate our Pride and more importantly, we must vote and encourage our friends to vote. We must support pro-LGBT candidates in local and general elections.

    My dream is that the future generation never has to worry that they won’t even have a chance and that their ideas and ideals will be judged on merit and on nothing else. But right now, I am going to just keep learning and keep hoping. I am also going to do my best to check my own privilege especially in comparison to other LGBT people, particularly Trans and BME LGB people, and just hope to see change in my lifetime.

    I am inspired by LGBT youth and LGBT activists of today who heroically stand up for what is right. Yes, I have been a poor advocate in the past but I plan on making up for it for the rest of my life.

  • LGBT Campaigners At Odds Over Gay Village Redevelopment Plans

    Local LGBT+ campaigners are today at odds over plans to develop the Portland Street area of Manchester, which forms part of Manchester’s world-renowned Gay Village.

    A local campaign group has launched a petition after Manchester Council published plans for a consultation on the new Portland Street SRF. The petition, which now has over 10,000 signatures, was launched by Manchester Shield and argues that the plans don’t go far enough to protect the heritage of the Gay Village.

    If approved, the proposal would result in the most extensive works to take place around the Village in some time and include the demolition of Yates Bar as well as possible demolition of its neighbour and Village stalwart, Thompson Arms. In addition to Yates Bar, the Coach Station, often used during Manchester Pride’s Big Weekend, would be completely demolished also. The proposal (or SRF – Strategic Redevelopment Framework) details plans for a multi-storey car park, offices, flats and a hotel.

    The plans don’t go as far as proposing demolition of Village mainstay New York, New York but some campaigners fear building work around it would most likely cause a catastrophic decrease in footfall which could also impact other businesses within the Village.

    Speaking to THEGAYUK.com, Loz Kaye, who is a co-author of the petition, argues that “[the SRF] simply is not ready to bring to the public. We’re not saying the area shouldn’t move forward, we are saying we have to get proposals right. LGBT people will not be written out of our own area. Our history, our lives, our deaths are in these streets. Any plans must reflect that.”

    Manchester Shield, an organisation that seeks to ensure the integrity of Manchester’s history, is particularly concerned with the effect on the Pride Parade. However, Manchester Pride, the charity that organises the event, is yet to provide a formal statement on the matter.

    Lack of consideration in the plans for the village

    Manchester Shield also argues that the plans are “typical of a lack of consideration of The Village” and queries why more has not been done to improve the Village as it currently exists. In a statement, Independent Council Candidate Adam Prince argued, “communication failures and noted omission of the LGBTQ community are undeniable in this document. Many consider the erosion of the area to be intentional, as the area has faced a lack of advocacy, a long-term failure in creating or supporting community infrastructure. There has been an unwillingness to protect the area or struggling businesses. Now, this backdoor gentrification property takeover is proposed, hurting this world-famous area”.

    However, Councillor Carl Austin-Behan disagrees that the plans would cause great issue for the Village. Speaking exclusively to THEGAYUK.com, Councillor Austin-Behan, who rose to local fame after becoming Manchester’s first out gay Lord Mayor, felt that the plans were “very positive for the area”. He acknowledged that the SRF had many “silly errors” but felt that plans for hotels and residential buildings could lead to greater footfall and increase visibility for Village businesses.

    Establishing an official authority for the village

    The concern over the matter has also led Councillor Austin-Behan, who is also an ambassador for Manchester Pride, to establish a Friends of Manchester’s Gay Village workgroup. The group will be established as an official authority on all matters regarding the Village. During its first meeting, last week Council Leader Sir Richard Leese attended in an attempt to quell the concerns about the SRF.

    Speaking about the event in his Leader’s Blog, Sir Richard noted he felt that the SRF had been “deliberately misinterpreted” and the petition was “an unexpected bit of controversy” but did go on to admit more needed to be done.

    Three commitments

    “My colleague Councillor Carl Austin-Behan organised a public meeting last week which allowed me to talk to loads of interested people and put the record straight”. Sir Richard went on to concede that more needed to be done for the Village and stated he had given three commitments. He promised to extend the consultation to late March, to ensure a long-term future for Pride “including the identification of a suitable event space” and finally that the Council would “work with businesses, residents, and users of the Gay Village to develop the vision and strategy to ensure it had an undiminished and sustainable future.”

    The Village and it’s future has been a hot topic as of late, with many local groups and bars calling for more policing of the area due to increased crime with 85 violent and sexual offences recorded in August 2017 alone.

    The Village is world renowned as a safe haven for LGBT people and received notoriety in the late 1990s thanks to the hit show Queer as Folk. A survey by The Lesbian and Gay Foundation in 2012 put the LGB population of Manchester at approximately 34,930. In addition to this, a report submitted to Manchester Council in 2013 noted that The Village makes a significant economic contribution to the local economy with an estimated 15,000 to 20,000 visitors each weekend.

    Manchester Pride’s 2017 annual review also published figures for its 2017 Big Weekend, estimating gate interactions at around 167,000 people.

    Whilst Sir Richard did commit to an extension of the consultation to Late March, the Council’s official website still states all comments must be received by Friday 23rd February 2018.

    THEGAYUK.com has reached out to Stephenson Studio, who put forward the proposal but are yet to receive a response.

  • THEATRE REVIEW | ELF: The Musical, Lowry Theatre, Salford

    ★★★★★ | ELF: The Musical

    Tuesday Night was a star-studded affair as the North West’s celebs walked down the red carpet at The Lowry Theatre adorned with a large red sleigh. Everyone from Corrie’s Kym Marsh and Brooke Vincent, Real Housewives of Cheshire Lauren Simon and even X Factor star-turned-gay pin-up Lloyd Daniels (yes, he’s just as gorgeous up close) were in attendance. The reason? ELF: The Musical.

    To sum it up in one word would be an injustice but if had to do it’d be: transcendent. I entered the theatre with slight apprehension that one of my favourite Christmas films would be turned into a mushy pantomime but I am thrilled to say I was wrong. A script scattered with hilarious jokes (though some more New York-based one-liners didn’t quite resonate with a Salford audience) about everything from Donald Trump to the recent news headlines about certain “physical misconduct” were paired with amazing feats of physical comedy.

    The show’s star, Ben Forster, is a tour de force channelling his inner Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf. Everything from his mannerisms to his body movements had all the audience members in hysterics and you couldn’t help but feel his pure joy. Ben remained high energy throughout, hitting you even harder during his low points. Joe McGann is divine as Walter Hobbs, Buddy’s Dad, a workaholic who has no time for Christmas nor his family and is backed up ably by the fantastic Jessica Martin as wife Emily and a confident turn by the young Lochlan White as his son Michael. A personal highlight for me was Liz McClarnon in the role of Jovie, Buddy’s girlfriend. The ex-Atomic Kitten star sounded amazing and watching her turn from jaded New Yorker to a Believer was thrilling at every turn.

    I could also write endlessly about the extremely talented supporting cast and the high energy and very game ensemble but I have to single out Lori Haley Fox as Deb, Walter’s hapless secretary. Rare have I seen such amazing comedy timing. Reminiscent of Julie Walters, Lori’s slapstick movements and characterisation remained high-energy throughout the entire show and was pure comedy from the start. Every appearance she made was met with pure joy from the audience and, deservedly, received huge applause at the end. I felt, in that moment, I was watching a star.

    The songs themselves were not particularly memorable but I enjoyed every single one. Unlike many other musicals, Elf doesn’t seek to impart any larger metaphorical wisdom with its songs instead allowing every number to play a vital part in moving the story along. Highlights include ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ where we get a feel for Buddy’s enthusiasm and desire to have a present and caring Father which makes it even more crushing during the reprise, when Buddy begins to lose hope. Then there’s the call-to-Christmas-arms barnstormer ‘Sparklejollytwinklejingley’ (complete with impossible-to-imitate hand-ography). ‘A Christmas Song’ invites us all to simply sing to get into the Christmas Spirit whilst Act Two’s ‘Never Fall In Love With An Elf’ is a hilarious listicle of why dating an Elf may be a bad idea. However, as much as the choreography and energy of each number was comparable to the best and brightest of Music Theatre, the songs themselves failed to provide any sort of earworm. Shows like Wicked have their anchor numbers like ‘Defying Gravity‘, Elf was missing that big song you can’t get out of your head.

    The show went all out and the investment was clear. The entire cast acted and sang with all their heart and their hard work showed on the stage. It was a balls-to-the-wall feast of glee. The lighting and special effects were world class, complete with in-theatre snow and a flying sleigh. Elf did not leave you feeling that it was missing anything and I defy anyone to watch the show and not be excited for Christmas. The show is also very inclusive, with a diverse ensemble which included two gay characters, one of whom is told by Buddy that you can “never have too many boyfriends”.

    I can not recommend this show enough. Whilst the ticket pricing is a little steep if you’re a larger family, it is worth going if you can or I fear you will risk missing possibly the best musical to come to Manchester to date.

  • COMMENT | Kevin Spacey just handed bigots an open goal

    In any other moment, news that Kevin Spacey had come out would be met with worldwide acclaim.

    By Siebbi (ipernity.com) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
    He would’ve been welcomed openly, lauded for his bravery and provided a generation of his LGBT fans with another positive gay role model. Instead, Spacey decided to “come out” as a result of being accused of ‘sexual advances’ with a then-14-year-old boy. Criticism within the community was instant and deservedly brutal. But why aren’t the LGBT community not supporting Spacey in this moment? Well, because of history.

    “Gay Men are Paedophiles” has long been the right-wing attack on LGBT people. When Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed in America,  prominent right-wing leader Bryan Fischer said it would increase cases of paedophilia stating, “we’ve talked about the fact that homosexuals commit sex crimes against children at about 10 times the rate of the heterosexual population…there’s this proclivity toward the abuse of children.”

    The fact is that there has been zero scientific evidence that would back up such a claim doesn’t seem to bother him and his audience lapped it up.

    But how could people believe that? Primarily, in the UK and US, this way of thinking has come from mishandling of LGBT groups around pro-paedophile groups namely, PIE (Paedophile Information Exchange) and NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association). In the UK, PIE was formed in 1974 by a gay man who was, at the time, in a relationship with a 15-year-old boy. The group, which advocated for the removal of the age of consent, received support from the National Council for Civil Liberties (now known as Liberty) and thus the connection to paedophilia and homosexuality was born. Similarly, with NAMBLA, they were part of the International Gay and Lesbian Association (ILGA) which would, in 1993, achieve UN consultation status (the group lost their status in 1994 due to the NAMBLA association and quickly dis-associated with them). Again, this appeared to align paedophiles and homosexuals. Add in decades of reports of sexual misconduct towards boys of men in power such as Priests and you can easily see the picture that was being painted over decades. That is why LGBT groups have battled for years to avoid even the slightest air of support of this sexual misconduct.

    Then why are we mad at Kevin Spacey? What he has essentially done here is used the accusation of ‘sexual advances’ with a minor to announce he’s a gay man. This opens up the old wound that has been deeply damaging to the community. If allegations against Spacey and, let’s face it, any gay male celebrity are proven to be true, (we must state that these are just allegations, Kevin Spacey denies any recollection of misconduct), then it gives anti-LGBT groups ammunition and opens generations of us to violence, accusations and mistrust. By using his statement to link homosexuality and sexual misconduct with minors, Kevin Spacey has swung open the door to the past, ripped open the healing wounds of the 70s, 80s and 90s and exposed LGBT people to false equivalence.

    You may be sat reading this thinking it’s an over-reaction but you’re wrong. I implore you to search Kevin Spacey’s name and the word “faggot” or “homo” on Twitter and see for yourself people coming up with their own conclusions about gay men as a whole. Minority groups don’t have the privilege of common sense dissociation. When a straight Hollywood exec is accused of rape, nobody questions if all straight men are rapists but if a gay man is found to be a paedophile then, for some, ALL gay men are paedophiles.

    Decades of bigotry, ignorance and hatred have been battled and now Spacey has handed them an open goal yet for him, it’ll mean nothing. Unless further allegations occur, Spacey will likely be able to lie low in his mansion, wait for it to blow over whilst he counts his millions and protects himself with hired security. But the real damage will be felt out here in the real world, beyond the bubble of celebrity. It’ll be felt by the gay school teacher looking to make a difference, the gay Scout Leader looking to enrich lives, the gay social worker looking to keep our young people safe. All that it takes is for a bigot to question their motives. Bigots do not need concrete evidence, they just need tenuous links, fragments of a conspiracy to build upon. And now… they’ve got it.

  • COMMENT | Tory and DUP? Not so much a Coalition of Chaos but a Partnership of Peril

    Right now my eyes are tired and my heart is heavy. I stayed up all night Thursday, watching until the early hours as the results rolled in. The exit poll told us we’d get a hung Parliament but I was willing it not to be true. The votes rolled in and it all became clear; Theresa May had failed but so had Jeremy Corbyn. Let’s get this absolutely straight; Corbyn has revolutionised the Labour Party and has mobilised a generation, but he should not be taking this a win. Labour lost. Conservatives lost. Now Britain has lost.

    It’s probably easy for me to be accused of being dramatic but I had outlined clearly my views on why Labour were the right choice. But it needs to be unequivocally clear; what we’ve ended up with now is dangerous and terrifying for LGBT people. Theresa May has decided to get into bed with the DUP. This is not so much a Coalition of Chaos but a Partnership of Peril.

    But why? Let’s look at the anti-LGBT viewpoint of the DUP. In 2005, during a Hustings event, one of their candidates said “You don’t bring a child up in a homosexual relationship. That the child is far more likely to be abused and neglected.” The DUP at the time said that Jim Well’s views were not their policy but just look at First Minister and DUP leader Arlene Foster. The Irish Government were poised to lift, by a minority, the ban on Gay Marriage. Arlene Foster introduced a Petition of Concern. This is a controversial mechanism in the Irish Assembly which means that, if submitted, proposed legislation must receive at least 60% of the vote and 40% of Nationalists and Unionists must also be present to vote. Arlene Foster knew this would kill the Pro-Same Sex Marriage legislation out of the gate.

    That’s just their leader in Northern Ireland. Their representative in Westminster proposed an introduction of a “conscience clause” in the Equality Act 2010 to allow businesses to turn away LGBT people on religious grounds. This man is a Party hero.

    And what about Equality elsewhere? The DUP played a vital role in continuing to restrict Abortion Rights in Northern Ireland. The DUP are anti-abortion even if the woman has been raped, a victim of incest and even if the foetus won’t survive the birth. This is despite a Court ruling which said the ban was against Human Rights.

    So here we are now with Theresa May who has publicly declared she would “rip up” the Human Rights Act and increase surveillance on the Internet. Sure, I am all for doing our best to battle against Islamic Extremism and Radicalisation online but you know exactly what’s going to happen. They’ll start asking Internet Service Providers to keep a database of our search and browsing history. These databases will inevitably be the target for hackers resulting in millions of people’s private searches being released. What about those in the closet? And hell, what about those people that are into the kinky side of sex? I can see it now; teachers and doctors, Police and Fire Officers being struck off after their private and intimate lives are leaked online. LGBT people hiding in fear of being exposed. You only have to look at the recent TalkTalk hack to know how lax ISP security can be.

    This is why we need to get over our heartbreak and sadness about this election and actually do something. We need to mobilise even more. I do not want to hear nonsense about Jeremy Corbyn and his leadership dominating the Labour Party for the next ‘x’ amount of months. The Labour Party must now focus on strong opposition. And we must join them. I will be re-joining The Labour Party and their efforts to oppose our Government. I will sign every petition and participate in every march because now is not the time for complacency. As we head into the Pride months as we celebrate by waving our flags, kissing our partners and living our free lives we must remember the activists of our past. They did not lay down their lives for us to stay behind our keyboards and allow our Government to steamroll over years of progress. And it isn’t enough for us to only turn up to LGBT events. Our country’s women will need us too.

    So I beg of you. Take this weekend to grieve the loss. Cry to your friends, ponder the future and hashtag your anger. But when it comes to Monday, it is time to clock back in. Your country needs you, your Community needs you, this world NEEDS you. We. Will. Rise.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | I’ve swung… From Conservatives to Labour

    Election 2017 – Good Luck… and Don’t F**k It Up

    This is the biggest election of my generation. We’ve heard this a lot and it’s mostly been attached to the Brexit negotiations coming up but that isn’t the only reason. Truth is, the country has never been more divided than ever.

    In the last election, much the chagrin of my friends, I voted Conservative. I had read every manifesto and watched every interview and debate. Far from feeling “Con-Demed” by the coalition, I was impressed with the Conservatives’ move to the middle. I am a young professional, not earning a massive amount and still renting without hope of getting on the property latter any time soon. It felt like Ed Miliband’s focus was only on those in poverty. It seems selfish, written down but that’s how I voted; on what party I felt would help me but also help the country. I voted believing the Conservatives would represent everybody.

    What ensued was austerity and deep cuts. These cuts have left open wounds for our country that continue to bleed. The Conservative plan to invest in the NHS at the rate of inflation, allowing the NHS to find its own cuts elsewhere, turned out a disaster. The mere £8 billion investment had not been and still hasn’t been enough to keep up with growing demand with the Guardian reporting in March that “the number of patients not receiving treatment within 18 weeks of referral has gone up by 100,000 since January 2016” leading to the NHS scrapping the 18 week target for 92% of all patients in England “who are waiting for a hip or knee replacement, cataract removal, hernia repair or other non-urgent operation.”

    Then there’s the cruelty of Conservative welfare reform. After the May 2015 election, Iain Duncan Smith told a victorious Conservative Party Conference it was time to end the “something for nothing culture” they blamed on Labour. The result? People have died whilst on sanction and 52% of appeals by people who have been declared “fit to work” and had benefits slashed have been approved, proving the unfairness of the system. Now, sanctions were prevalent before the 2015 election and I could be fairly accused of ignorance on the matter but now my eyes are wide open. Let’s not also forget that, due to inflation and poor wage growth, the cost of living has increased leaving us shorter each month. I do not believe that being on benefits should be a way of life. I agree that a Labour Government allowed not working to pay more than working but what we have now is a system that treats all claimant as second-class citizens and, in addition, allows them to go hungry. The Trussell Trust’s recent end of year report was damning “Between 1st April 2016 and 31st March 2017, The Trussell Trust’s Foodbank Network provided 1,182,954 three day emergency food supplies to people in crisis compared to 1,109,309 in 2015-16. Of this number, 436,938 went to children.”

    If the NHS and the Welfare State don’t bother you, just look at the manifestos when it comes to equal/LGBT rights. Labour has an entire section dedicated to LGBT equality. The Conservative Manifesto doesn’t mention it once yet Theresa May felt it important to acknowledge her support of Fox Hunting. Whilst LGBT rights and influence has improved, no thanks to the Prime Minister’s poor voting record, we still have a long, long way to go. The Home Office reported in January of this year that there are 20 reported homophobic hate crimes a day in England and Wales. That’s only the ones that are reported. Yet the Conservatives feel no need to pledge support?

    I could go on and on about failings of our current Government and I am sure you’re saying “but what about Labour?!” The UK political system is sometimes frustrating. We are, realistically, a 2-party nation. I do not, in any way, agree with everything Corbyn believes. His party’s policies, in places, are much too liberal. His lack of charisma frustrating. And trust me, anyone like Diane Abbott (or, indeed, Diane herself if she returns from her period of ill health) as Home Secretary will be devastating to our international reputation. But I believe a Conservative Government will be more damaging. We cannot go on as we are with a Government whose focus is on the people who need them the least, at the expense of those who need them the most.

    Every election I have ever voted in, who/whatever I’ve voted for has won. I back winners because I back what I believe the country I dearly love needs. This Thursday, I back Labour.

    If you don’t agree with me, that’s fine. In this trying times, it is important to show the strength of our democracy. But there is no doubt that this election could be transformative no matter which Party you support. So please get out there, come rain or shine, and vote.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

     

  • OPINION | Religion Can Have A Place In Politics

    “Tim Farron is a homophobe”. At least, that’s what has been blowing up Twitter the past few days.

    This is due, more recently, to him again dodging a question about homosexuality from Cathy Newman on Channel 4 News and whether or not Mr Farron believed it was a sin. His response was about as reassuring as your one night stand telling you it’s “probably not chlamydia”. He paused, grimaced and managed simply to say that he wouldn’t make theological pronouncements. Cathy Newman was asking him because, after asking the same question in 2015, he responded: “in Christianity, we’re all sinners”. Bravo. This doubling-down on avoiding the question led to a big debate about the importance of one’s religion when you’re running for office.

    But what’s the precedent on this? Well, Prime Ministers have always discussed their faith. Britain, by tradition, is a Christian country so it was always a political point to be scored. Tony Blair was famously religious and even admitted, during an interview with Michael Parkinson, that he prayed to God over the Iraq War. Yet, Blair is considered a Gay Icon and even won an award from Gay Times. Blair, as Prime Minister, ushered in a raft of LGBT-positive legislation such as civil partnerships, the right to adopt, the equal age of consent, the repeal of section 28, ending the LGBT Armed Forces ban as well as stringent hate crime laws and the Gender Recognition Act. Never once did the public consider his religious beliefs to be in the way of his progressive ideals.

    So let’s look at Tim Farron again. What is different between his awkward response to the gay question to that of Corbyn’s homosexuality-as-a-choice gaffe? Farron did an interview with GQ in 2015 where he asserted his viewpoint, despite his religion “I’m not a religious leader; I’m a political leader. I think that everybody is utterly equal. People should be free to love who they want and marry who they want. But I don’t go making theological pronouncements.”

    These days, we are all so quick to judge but it’s understandable. Heinous crimes have been committed throughout history against LGBT people on the basis of religion. We’ve seen in America the debate about same-sex marriage and how it’s not ‘what God intended’. Homosexuality as a sin is something that seems to be the only thing most religions agree on. Therefore, I feel like LGBT people almost have a Pavlovian reaction to religion – where we hear the word God, we assume hate will follow. But that isn’t fair. We have to accept that, sometimes, our politicians are allowed to change their minds.

    Look at Hillary Clinton who in 2000 commented that “marriage has got historic, religious and moral content that goes back to the beginning of time, and I think a marriage is as a marriage has always been, between a man and a woman.” Sure, she continued by saying that same-sex partnerships should enjoy the same rights but it still wasn’t out-and-out support that we saw from her during her 2008 Democratic nomination campaign and subsequent 2016 Presidential campaign. Tim Farron’s record is admittedly sketchy. He voted in favour of same-sex marriage but in 2007 voted against the Equality Act and in 2013 abstained from a third reading of the same-sex marriage bill. Also in 2007, he gave an interview to the Salvation Army’s War Cry magazine about abortion stating he felt, “abortion is wrong. Society has to climb down from the position that says there is nothing morally objectionable about abortion before a certain time. If abortion is wrong, it is wrong at any time.” However, he then said that, “the standards that define my personal morality as a Christian are not the standards of public morality”.

    This again raises an interesting question of how genuine someone’s belief in something needs to be. Tim Farron might be anti-abortion or even anti-LGBT rights but his party supports choice and supports LGBT equality. Should we trust somebody who only believes in something politically and not personally? Does it matter? Essentially, it all comes down to trust. Tim Farron’s personal beliefs right now have not dictated his political beliefs but, if he were Prime Minister, would that change? He would have to make big decisions where he would likely turn to his religion and to God, as Tony Blair did, for the right answer. Tony Blair always made it clear that he believed in equality. Tim Farron seemingly believes it’s the right thing to believe politically. There’s a difference.

    Well, it’s always going to be tough for LGBT people to believe a religious candidate is a candidate that would represent them. Yet, at the same time, it would be equally discriminatory for us to judge people solely on their religion.

    But what about religious politicians in general? Well, it’s always going to be tough for LGBT people to believe a religious candidate is a candidate that would represent them. Yet, at the same time, it would be equally discriminatory for us to judge people solely on their religion. Religion in the modern day is becoming flexible. The Pope himself has stated that ‘God is not afraid of new things’ and continues to try to modernise the Church’s views on homosexuality and divorce (despite hesitation of the Synod). We cannot put all religious people in a box but at the same time, we’re right to be vigilant. Decades of persecution on religious grounds has taught us to be hesitant when it comes to politics and religion.

    Tim Farron’s gaffe is no worse than Corbyn’s, personally, but the difference is that Corbyn has a strong track record of voting for equal rights. I strongly believe we must judge our politicians on how they vote more than what they say. I understand, it’s not nice to hear a politician to even hint that homosexuality is a sin, especially when you think about the effect it has on younger LGBT people. But the lip service politicians give for votes (where being ambiguous means they can play both sides) is different completely to how they ultimately vote in Parliament. When it comes to politics, actions always speak louder than words and it is vital that everybody research candidates and their voting stances because, ultimately, the biggest God any MP prays to is their electorate.

    If you want to see how your MP has voted on a wide range of issues, check out www.theyworkforyou.com.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | When it comes to “Choicegate”, Jeremy Corbyn’s a Hypocrite, not Homophobe

    Recently Jeremy Corbyn gave a speech to launch LGBT History Month.

    Jeremy Corbin Garry Knight England CC

    In a barnstorming speech he discussed his history of standing up against LGBT persecution and how, though things have improved, we should never be too relaxed when it comes to fighting for our rights. Then, he ended his speech with this:

    “Our defence of you is a defence of all of humanity and the right of people to practise the life they want to practise, rather than be criminalised, brutalised and murdered, simply because they chose to be gay, they chose to be lesbian, they were LGBT in any form.”

    What followed was immediate anger from LGBT people on the left and on the right. The use of the terms “practise” and “chose” is something that can be quite inflammatory because that sort of language is often used by anti-LGBT people who seek to harm us via correction or conversion therapy as well as being the go-to phrase for bigots everywhere. So surely this means “homophobic” Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn must resign immediately?

    No. Look, what he said was wrong. I am absolutely sick of seeing it being explained away as Corbyn ‘mis-spoke’ because he had his speech in front of him. He would of practised that speech, ran through it with his team and they would’ve all had input on it. He’s a politician, a smart man who knows the importance of words. This sort of language has a detrimental effect and, as Jeremy has realised, cannot be unsaid.

    I am not a fan of Jeremy Corbyn. I think he has destroyed the Party. However, this is a man who has consistently and unrepentantly voted in favour of rights and freedoms for LGBT people. He has supported everything from same-sex marriage to same-sex adoption. He continues to argue for the rest of the UK to get in line. He is not a homophobic man and it would be unfair to accuse him of being so.

    What he and his supporters are, however, are hypocrites. This is a man who has openly supported regimes in which LGBT people were persecuted. When he died in 2016, Mr Corbyn referred to Cuban despot Fidel Castro as a ‘champion of social justice’. Castro once referred to being LGBT as a ‘deviation incompatible with the revolution’. Castro bragged of his genius when setting up cruel work camps where many gay men, without so much as a trial, were sent with little food or water to work camps. They received telegrams telling them they’d been called up for service, only to be rounded up with other men like them and captured. How is that social justice, Mr Corbyn?

    In his speech which launched the aptly named ‘choicegate’, Mr Corbyn denounced the UK strengthening any relationship with other countries, particularly via trade deals, where the Government in that country were anti-LGBT. It was a thinly veiled and unsubtle reference to Theresa May’s recent visit to the US. Yet, Mr Corbyn was set to travel to Turkey in a pre-Brexit referendum speech where he was set to demand that Turkey join the EU. This visit and speech was scrapped in fears that it would give the Leave campaign more ammunition. Turkey is another country with a spotty LGBT history as its President, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, last year lambasted the Western world for prioritising gay rights and animal rights over the lives of Syrian refugees.

    Mr Erdogan said,

    “Shame on those who in the West divert their sensitivity to the so-called freedoms, rights, and law shown in the debate over gay marriage away from Syrian women, children, and innocents in need of aid. Shame on those who divert their sensitivities to the living space of the whales in the seas, seals, [and] turtles away from the right to life of 23 million Syrians. Shame on those who put their security, welfare [and] comforts ahead of other people’s struggle to survive.”

    LGBT rights and animal rights being treated as one of the same. Same-sex marriage considered a ‘comfort’. Yet Corbyn wanted them to join the EU?

    Jeremy Corbyn is not a homophobe. Choicegate is a complete storm in a teacup without measured debate. I do not believe he ‘misspoke’ but simply just didn’t consider the power of the language he was using. He is absolutely an ally and the LGBT community on both the left and the right would be wrong in attacking him as being anti-LGBT.

    Yet, my biggest gripe is that Mr Corbyn and his supporters are openly lambasting Theresa May’s relationship with Trump whilst they sit back and allow Mr Corbyn to praise people who have committed heinous crimes against their LGBT population. Trump recently reaffirmed commitment to President Obama’s 2014 Executive Order to protect LGBT rights in the work place and then swiftly leaked a proposed Religious Freedom Executive Order which allows LGBT people to be discriminated against by businesses and other entities based on their sexuality. Mr Corbyn would be absolutely right to say that, if the US Government does proceed to introduce anti-LGBT executive orders and laws, that the UK must strongly consider our relationship. But, in the meantime, he must also remember the old adage that one should get their own house in order before telling others what to do with theirs.

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  • COLUMN | It’s been 3 years since my last date… but I’ve found love

    A lot of my friends wonder why I don’t really date.

    I recently wrote about how I feel I’ve met my soulmate but it just wasn’t and still isn’t the right time for us. Is my hesitation to date some pathetic attempt to stop time, in hope that he changes into the man I need him to be in order for us to have a successful relationship? Or is there something deeper?

    Since he and I broke up, I have dated. My first date was with a French guy I had met on POF. He seemed nice enough when we chatted. When we met in person he asked if I minded running a few errands with him. It was entirely unromantic but I agreed. I instantly regretted this when we made awkward chat in a line at a Post Office. It was the depths of summer so I was sweating, my feet hurt and I felt instantly unsexy. We went for a coffee where he told me about how he hated most ethnic minorities and felt that most gays were a disgrace. Now, I hadn’t dated in a while so instead of listening to the voice in my head that was screaming “run”, I went back to his apartment.

    Now, I hadn’t dated in a while so instead of listening to the voice in my head that was screaming “run”, I went back to his apartment.

    His apartment was gorgeous with stunning views. We drank champagne and ate strawberries as the sun set. It was romantic and I melted as he told me how he missed home and missed his mother. It deleted all memory of that fact he was a racist, self-loathing homosexual. What can I say? I was fickle and horny.

    What can I say? I was fickle and horny.

    We eventually went to his bedroom where he suggested we shower. I found this sexy until he suggested we shower separately because it was a hot day and we’d been out all afternoon. Despite alarm bells now ringing loudly in my head, I waited my turn (that’s right, he went FIRST) and then came out in a towel only to discover he was fully dressed. I awkwardly went back into the bathroom and dressed also. We sat and watched a film for a while and then he started kissing me. I reached down to unbutton my shirt and he SLAPPED (PHYSICALLY. SLAPPED.) my hand away. “NO NO NO” he growled, “I DO THIS”. Every single time I tried to undress myself, he’d slap my hand away.

    After some very mediocre sex-adjacent acts, I excused myself to the bathroom. In there I noticed, sat on his bathroom shelf, was a tube of cold sore cream. I took a look at myself in the mirror and laughed. I darted out of there without so much as a goodbye. How did I let myself get into that situation?!

    Despite this, a few months later, I allowed my friend to set me up on a blind date. “You’ll love him, you have a lot in common” he smiled. I turned up to the date 15 minutes late due to traffic. I

    “You’ll love him, you have a lot in common” he smiled. I turned up to the date 15 minutes late due to traffic. I apologised a few times to which he yelled, “STOP F*CKING APOLOGISING”. Startled, I simply replied “sorry” which, admittedly, seemed a little sarcastic. Throughout the date, which was in the romantic Manchester hotspot Wetherspoons, he would avert his eyes to other men. A group of lads walked by our table and he checked them out.

    “I would, wouldn’t you?” he smiled.
    “You’re supposed to only be looking at me” I laughed, embarrassed that I had to remind him of that.

    The date continued in that vein. He told me he loved One Direction which wouldn’t have been a problem until he decided to start dancing to “Best Song Ever” which wasn’t even on the radio. “I know all the moves” he grinned.

    Eventually, we got into more serious chat. He told me he had been engaged 3 times (he was 24) and that the longest relationship was 2 years. I told him that I’d been in a serious relationship and was getting ready to date again.

    “HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FER YER TO CALL SOMEWUN YER BOYFRIEND?” he bellowed, in his loud Yorkshire accent.

    “Um, probably 4 to 6 months” I replied, confused as to why he’d even ask.

    “TWO WEEK FER ME”, he grinned.

    Two weeks. I sighed, this clearly wasn’t going to be the love connection my friend had envisioned and I wondered how he’d got it so wrong. After he told me how he loves to watch his partners sleep, I made an excuse to leave.

    I called my friend in the taxi. “Honestly, I only spoke to him for 30 seconds but he said he likes wrestling and One Direction so…”. I made my unhappiness extremely clear.

    This was three years ago. I haven’t been on a date since. Am I traumatised by my experiences? A little. But the real reason is because, on each of these dates, I allowed it to go a little long. The French guy was an awful human being and the Yorkshireman was way too intense. Yet I stayed with them for hours. Why? I was weirdly grateful they’d even go on a date with me.

    I realised that I felt so bad about myself, about how I look and who I am, I was willing to put up with almost anything. My previous boyfriend always told me I was attractive and smart, beautiful and capable. He made me believe in myself. So without him, I crumbled. I needed to learn to believe in myself what he had believed in me. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I keep working on myself and sometimes it works and other times I have set backs. But until I can truly learn to love myself, I cannot date honestly. I am willing to wait to find somebody who gives me what I deserve and who lifts me up. Because, as the great philosopher RuPaul Charles once said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?”

    Now, can I get an Amen?

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