I am really concerned after reading about a man in the papers who donated sperm to a lesbian couple some years ago who is now being chased by the CSA who is demanding he pay towards the child’s upbringing, even though he’s not on the child’s birth certificate.
I’m in a similar situation. I donated sperm to a couple 10 years ago – and I’m wondering if they have any rights to make me pay for their child. I’ve never met the child and I’m no longer in the couples’ life as I moved towns a few years back.
My name isn’t on the birth certificate and I’ve not been a part of the child’s life at all. If they wanted to, could they get in contact with the CSA and make me pay?
Are there any legal protections for men like me?
Paul in Leicester
Dear Paul,
The answer to this question is dependent on whether you donated the sperm through a registered Human Fertilisation & Embryology Authority (HFEA)-licensed clinic; if you did then you are not financially liable for the child, nor do you have any parental responsibility for the child, equally you have no say over the upbringing of the child. If this is the case, the birth mother will be the legal mother and her civil partner or wife will be the “second legal parent” (but not “mother” as the law does not allow a person to have two legal mothers).
If you donated the sperm without using a HFEA-licensed clinic as an intermediary (such as an informal agreement between friends or through an internet agency) then you could be deemed to be the child’s legal father (whether or not you are named on the birth certificate) and could be obliged to financially support the child as necessary. Ultimately, the child’s mother may be able to bring a successful claim through the Child Support Agency (CSA).
If you feel that it is likely action will be taken against you, it is best to be proactive. In my experience the worst thing you could do is bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away. Sometimes a simple offer of some contribution towards the maintenance of the child will avoid often lengthy, expensive court proceedings.
I would advise however that you seek the advice of a specialist solicitor in this area who would be much better placed to give you a clearer picture of your obligations.
Have you got a dilemma for our team of experts? Write to us here.
This response is not intended to constitute legal or other professional advice and should not be relied on or treated as a substitute for specific advice relevant to particular circumstances. Individuals should always seek legal advice from a professional which is specific to their unique set of circumstances.
After the tragic death of his boyfriend of 14 years, a reader asks our legal expert Matt Parr if he can, when he dies, be buried next to his partner when the family of the deceased won’t allow it.
Writing to THEGAYUK, MB* from London told us that his partner of 14 years died suddenly in a car crash. Although he and his partner’s family always got on well, when MB told them of his plans to get buried alongside his deceased boyfriend when he eventually dies, the family wrote him a letter telling them that they wouldn’t allow that to happen.
He told us, “I got a letter from his family which said under no circumstances would they allow me to be buried with my partner. We weren’t married, but we did own a house together and the mortgage was paid off a while ago. Is there anything legally I can do to ensure that I can be buried next to my partner”
“Exclusive Rights of Burial”
Matt Parr suggests that MB’s first port of call should be to his local council, saying, “I would contact your local Council office and ask to speak to their bereavement department. You can make enquiries into the possibility of purchasing the Exclusive Rights of Burial for the plot next to your partner if the cemetery is Council-owned.
“While this does not afford you the legal ownership of the land itself, it does give you the right to be buried there and for your family to erect a memorial. It may be a question of moving fast to try and secure the plot as your partner’s family may try to purchase the same as a preventative measure.
Make a Will and specific what you want
“If you do not already have a will in place which stipulates your funeral wishes, I would advise that you speak to a solicitor regarding preparing one. In the will, you would be able to alert your executors to the fact that you have purchased the plot and wish to be buried there. While your funeral wishes are just wishes and unlike the rest of your will aren’t binding, it will ensure that steps are taken for you to be buried there, even if this is not ultimately possible for one reason or another.
This response is not intended to constitute legal or other professional advice and should not be relied on or treated as a substitute for specific advice relevant to particular circumstances. Individuals should always seek legal advice from a professional which is specific to their unique set of circumstances”
A reader asks our legal expert, Matt Parr whether as a gay man, he can donate bone marrow.
(C) DEPOSITPHOTOS
I know that gay men can’t currently give blood – but I was wondering about bone marrow. If someone in my family was to need my bone marrow for surgery can I legally give it? Also if I just wanted to give bone marrow to anyone, regardless of any family connection is this possible or legal?
Dear reader:
Thanks for your question, it’s great that you have thought about the need to donate bone marrow.
However, the main difference between the donation of blood and bone marrow is that to donate bone marrow you would first need to have a thorough medical examination before being permitted to donate.
You’re mistaken in your perception that gay, bisexual or men who have sex with men cannot donate blood full stop. Blood donation in the UK works on the values of kindness and mutual trust. The NHS Blood and Transplant service relies on all potential and existing donors to adhere to the blood donor selection rules by giving completely accurate answers to all the questions asked of them when they visit the donation centres. The questions and answers are given in complete confidence and exist for their own protection and for the health of patients who receive their blood.
The rules around gay and bisexual men giving blood changed in November 2017 following extensive campaigning by organisations such as the Terence Higgins Trust. Subsequently, providing that the donor meets the other donation rules, gay, bisexual or people who have sex with partners in groups at high risk of having an infection that could be passed on during sex will be able to donate after three months have passed since the last sexual activity.
The previous exclusion period extended to 12 months and many argued that this did, therefore, place an unrealistic expectation of celibacy on those who wished to donate and many saw it as, in reality, a blanket ban on donations from gay and bisexual men.
If donating Bone Marrow through the Anthony Nolan charity, however, then you will not be permitted to donate if you (or your partner) are, or think you are HIV positive or you are involved in high-risk sexual practices that may increase your exposure to sexually-transmitted diseases (amongst others). In essence, the decision as to whether you can donate will depend on a number of factors, both sexual and health-related – not sexuality.
There is no strict 12-month time frame of celibacy prior to donating.
The best advice I can give you is to consider contacting the NHS Blood and Transplant service or Anthony Nolan to discuss the process in further detail.
This month legal expert, Matt Parr tells us everything we need to know about wills and inheritance – especially if you’re lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.
Members of the gay community face many of the same dilemmas as opposite-sex couples when it comes to estate planning, wills and their potential exposure to inheritance tax.
According to figures recently issued by the Office of National Statistics, there were 190,000 same-sex families in the UK in 2017 and the majority of those were co-habiting couples as opposed to being married or in a civil partnership. In this situation, those couples or family units face the same issues as co-habitants of the opposite sex. Therefore, there are some important points that they should be aware of.
Co-habiting partners do no automatically inherit assets which were held in their partner’s sole name. In the same way that there is no such thing as “common law husband/wife” there is no such thing as a “common law civil partner”. With this in mind, if you aren’t married or in a civil partnership it is extremely important that wills are prepared to ensure that the surviving partner is adequately provided for after your death.
This can prevent family feuds, confusion over your wishes and costly legal action.
If you’re not married or in a civil partnership and you have no children of your own, then the law dictates that your parents will inherit your estate. Unfortunately, rifts are not uncommon amongst families of the gay community and there are many instances of parents being unwilling to accept their son’s same-sex partner into the family.
The thought of a parent inheriting a share in a property you own as tenants in common with your partner may fill you with dread – is there any possibility your parents would wish to co-own a property with your partner? If the answer is no, your parents could insist on selling the property, forcing your partner to move. Preparing wills would prevent this situation from arising. When property is owned as joint tenants as opposed to tenants in common your partner will inherit your interest in the property regardless of whether you have a will or not.
There is no form of inheritance tax relief for co-habiting couples of any sexuality. Consequently, only the first £325,000 of your estate, otherwise known as your Nil Rate Band (NRB) will be tax free – the balance over and above this will be taxed at a rate of 40 per cent. Therefore, even if you did decide to leave your entire estate to your co-habiting partner, they could be left with a hefty inheritance tax liability. Married couples and those in civil partnerships can leave their estates to each other and benefit from a total exemption for inheritance tax purposes, meaning on first death at least, there will be no inheritance tax to pay.
Unlike married couples and those in civil partnerships, cohabiting partners are unable to transfer their unused NRBs between them. Consequently, many gay couples make use of trusts in their wills to try and avoid an inheritance tax liability by giving them access to the funds without necessarily increasing their own inheritance tax exposure. The use of trusts to control the way funds are inherited, by whom and when, is particularly helpful when one or both of you have children from a previous relationship to whom you would wish to leave your estate, without compromising your surviving partner’s rights to live in your joint property after you have died. Advice should be sought as to your options in this scenario in order to ensure the trust is drafted correctly and in accordance with your wishes.
Gay couples who have taken the plunge and married or entered into a civil partnership can benefit from the same legal rights as opposite-sex couples, including the right to receive a statutory legacy together with a certain proportion of the balance of their partner’s estate if their partner dies without making a will (intestate). Ideally, however, the intestacy rules should not be relied on and my advice would always be to prepare a will specifying how you wish for your estate to be distributed.
Members of the gay community enter into polyamorous relationships in the same way as those in the heterosexual community. Whilst still not necessarily subject to a wider understanding by the public, it is impossible to deny that these forms of relationships exist and therefore it is right to encourage those who enter into them to seek advice on their rights and obligations to one another.
According to UK law, it is illegal to enter into more than one marriage or civil partnership. How members of a polyamorous relationship choose to protect each other’s interests is, therefore, more difficult – but not insurmountable. Again, the use of trusts in wills can prove extremely helpful in ensuring a degree of flexibility and afford a level of protection for the assets within the trusts. This is often required when three or more people wish to co-habit or enter into a relationship with each other.
Seeking advice about your options in this regard can be tricky. The fear of judgment and lack of understanding can deter you from gaining an insight into your options, but there are advisers equipped with the knowledge to help and offer a non-judgmental ear in complete confidence.
Transgender dimension
Currently, under UK law it is not possible to self-define your gender without a formal diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria and a successful application to a gender recognition panel for a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC). This process can be lengthy and painfully intrusive. But once you have a GRC, what are the legal implications for estate planning and inheritance purposes?
It is important to consider the fact that wills prepared post-4 April 2005 which claim to gift assets to, for instance, “my sons” or “my nephews”, will exclude an individual who has obtained a GRC and who now identify as female. The beneficiary would need to apply to court to alter the disposition in order to rectify a failed gift because of a change in their gender means they no longer align the gender stated in the will. This application could become expensive and lengthy if other beneficiaries take objection to the change being made if this will adversely impact their own share of the estate.
Any will prepared before 4 April 2005 which purports to gift assets in this way does, however, continue to be effective despite a GRC having been issued to the beneficiary.
Members of the transgender community should be aware of the fact that family members may need to amend their own wills to take into account this change in the law and to avoid any uncertainty around the wording of such a gift.
With the growing number of gay couples living together, marrying, entering into civil partnerships and starting, fostering and adopting families of all different sorts, the gay community is just beginning to grapple with the same issues that heterosexuals have faced for centuries. Yet, some of these issues are easily overcome with the right advice.
Ultimately, the worst thing you can do is bury your head in the sand when it comes to discussing what can be tricky and sensitive matters with your family and planning ahead, where possible, is always the best course of action.
A reader asks whether not having a will, will affect his partner of 6 years will inherit should he die unexpectedly.
Dear Matt,
My partner and I have been together for 6 years and although we’re not civilly married, I was wondering what our rights were in case of an accident or death. We currently rent and don’t own our house, but we do have various other assets such as stocks and savings. Neither of us have made a will. What would happen to the surviving partner if the worst was to happen? Would my assets go directly to him?
Thank you for your time
Steve N.
Dear Steve,
The simple answer is no. Currently, co-habiting partners have no (automatic) legal right to inherit assets from their partner’s estate unless provision is made for them in their partner’s will.
Only assets that are held in joint names (such as joint bank accounts) will pass to the surviving partner automatically by ‘survivorship’ and simply require the removal of the deceased partner’s name from the account; such assets are not affected by the presence (nor contents) of any Will.
In cases where the deceased partner left no will (or a defective/invalid will) all assets held in the deceased partner’s sole name will pass according to the Intestacy Rules. These rules stipulate who will inherit the estate in a strict order of priority of relatives – spouse/civil partner, children, parents, siblings and so on and so forth. Co-habiting partners do not feature in this list!
My advice would be to always seek professional advice from a solicitor to create appropriate wills to ensure that your loved ones left behind are not unwittingly disinherited through your inaction.
You should also be conscious of the inheritance tax implications of remaining unmarried or not in a civil partnership. The transfer of assets after death may trigger an inheritance tax liability, as executors would be unable to claim valuable exemptions, such as the spouse exemption.
This response is not intended to constitute legal or other professional advice, and should not be relied on or treated as a substitute for specific advice relevant to particular circumstances. Individuals should always seek legal advice from a professional which is specific to their unique set of circumstances.
This article was updated on the 16th November 2018
This week our legal expert Matt Parr answers a question about Bone Marrow Donation for gay men in the United Kingdom.
Dear Matt,
I know that gay men can’t currently give blood – but I was wondering about bone marrow. If someone in my family was to need my bone marrow for surgery can I legally give it? Also if I just wanted to give bone marrow to anyone, regardless of any family connection is this possible or legal?
Love what you do…
OT Horne
Thanks for your question, it’s great that you have thought about the need to donate bone marrow.
The main difference between the donation of blood and bone marrow however is that to donate bone marrow you would first need to have a thorough medical examination before being permitted to donate it.
You’re mistaken in your perception that gay men cannot donate blood full stop; the criteria recently changed in 2011 and it is now only if they have had anal or oral sex with a man in the last 12 months with or without a condom will they not be permitted to donate. This is simply because of the increased risk of the unknown exposure to HIV/AIDS. In order to donate bone marrow through NHS Blood and Transplant you need to already have joined the blood donor list. Effectively, therefore the same criteria apply to the donation of bone marrow as to blood.
NHS Blood and Transplant rely on people being as honest as possible (and realistic) when questioning them on the possibility of them being HIV positive (backed up by their own stringent screening processes, which of course are never fail safe).
If donating through the Anthony Nolan charity, however, then you will not be permitted to donate if you (or your partner) are, or think you are HIV positive or you are involved in high-risk sexual practices that may increase your exposure to sexually-transmitted diseases (amongst others). In essence, the decision as to whether you can donate will depend on a number of factors, both sexual and health related- not sexuality.
There is no strict 12 month time frame of celibacy prior to donating.
The best advice I can give you is consider contacting the NHS Blood and Transplant service to discuss the process. If you are a sexually active gay man then your options are limited to donating through Anthony Nolan.
My partner and I have been together for 6 years and although we’re not civilly married, I was wondering what our rights were in case of an accident or death. We currently rent and don’t own our house, but we do have various other assets such as stocks and savings. Neither of us have made a will. What would happen to the surviving partner if the worst was to happen? Would my assets go directly to him?
Thank you for your time
Steve N. Tunbridge Wells
The simple answer is no. Currently co-habiting partners have no (automatic) legal right to inheritance from their Partner’s estate unless such inheritance is granted in a Will. Only assets that are held Jointly (such as Joint Bank Accounts) will pass to the surviving Partner by the process of Survivorship and requires the simple removal of the deceased Partner’s name from the account etc; such assets are not affected by the presence (nor contents) of any Will. In the case where the deceased Partner left no Will (or a defective/invalid Will) all assets held in the deceased Partner’s sole name will pass according to the Laws of Intestacy. The Laws of Intestacy stipulate who will inherit the estate in a strict order of priority of blood relatives, spouse/civil partner, children, parents, siblings and so on and so forth, co-habiting Partners do not feature in this list!
My advice would be to always seek professional advice of a Solicitor to draw up appropriate “Mirror” Wills to ensure that the loved ones left behind are not unwittingly disinherited through inaction.
This response is not intended to constitute legal or other professional advice, and should not be relied on or treated as a substitute for specific advice relevant to particular circumstances. Individuals should always seek legal advice from a professional which is specific to their unique set of circumstances.
In the first of our Free Legal Advice Clinics, we get a question about sperm donation after he donated his to a lesbian couple 10 years ago, who is now worried about his legal rights. Matt Parr answers your questions. (more…)
