THEGAYUK

Author: Antony Simpson

  • 6 gay things to do for a birthday celebration

    The Gay UK is officially a year old this month. It’s amazing to think that in that time we’ve grown to a dedicated readership of 150,000 gay people per month, not just from the UK but internationally. With birthdays in mind, we thought about ways to celebrate a birthday other than the traditional alcohol-fueled night out or throwing of a party.

    If you’re lucky enough to share a birthday with The Gay UK, why not try something new? Here are some of our ideas:

    1. Dinner and a Show
    They say there’s nothing more social than the breaking of bread. Go to dinner, somewhere with delicious food and with those special to you.

    After dinner go to the Theatre, see a fantastic show and complete celebration of another birthday. Our writers regularly watch shows and write reviews. Take a look at our Theatre Reviews section to find a show you’ll love on in a Theatre near you.

    2. Visiting the Zoo
    When was the last time you got up and close with nature? All sorts of animals in all stripes and sizes from across the world can be seen at your local zoo. Homosexuality has been found in thousands of species of animals, so you might just see a gay zebra, penguin, lion or other animal. Just look for the animals that show a particular interest in others of the same sex.

    3. Visiting a Theme Park
    Feel the exhilarating rush that comes from a day of riding roller coasters. Release your inner child and visit a theme park. There’s something life affirming about your body being flooded with adrenaline as you’re scared out of your wits.

    Many theme parks do gay days – specific dates aimed at attracting the local gay community. So if you’re single you might end up sat on a ride next to your ideal man. Just don’t let him hear you scream!

    4. A Day at the Beach
    Imagine seeing the beautiful horizon as you feel the sand under your feet. You taste of the salty air and hear the relaxing sound of the ocean. Well this can all be yours – if you choose to have a day out at the beach to celebrate your birthday.
    This activity is dependent upon the weather, but if it’s nice make a day out of it by taking a picnic. If this is what you’ve decided to do see our 5 Picnic Basket Essentials Feature.

    5. A City Break
    Take a short break to visit another city. It can be a city in the UK or even a European city. Flights to Europe have never been cheaper.
    Not sure what to do when you get to the city? If you’re planning a trip to a UK city you can see our City Listings/Guides for ideas.

    6. A Holiday
    If it’s an extra special birthday, contemplate splashing out on a holiday. Everyone has individual likes on holiday; for me it would be: sun, sea, sand and sangria. But you may prefer an adventure holiday.

    Whatever sort of holidays you like, you’ll be able to find a reasonably priced one – as long as you don’t look at booking when school children are off school.
    Got other Birthday Celebration Ideas?

    Post a comment below or join the conversation on our Facebook page.

  • FILM REVIEW| I Want Your Love

    ★★★★ | I Want Your Love is collaborative film between gay porn studio NakedSword and independent filmmaker Travis Mathews.

    Jesse is an aspiring artist who feels creatively blocked because of the state his finances and his massive amount of debt. After spending the last decade in San Francisco, Jessie decides to move back home to his parents in Ohio, the Midwest to free himself of the financial pressure.

    I Want Your Love is the story of his last weekend in San Francisco with his friends, roommates and ex-lovers coming to his leaving party.

    Sex plays an important role in this film and there are uncensored sex scenes from the start. Sex is used to show character development, intimacy, move the storyline along and the development of friendships: those that start with clear defined boundaries but turn into something more – entering that grey area between friend and lover.

    Whatever type of man you’re into, you’ll find them in this film and I can guarantee that they’ll be in a graphic, all-exposed sex scene. Whether your taste be: bears, twinks, older, younger, white, black, Asian, muscly, ordinary or just an all-around lover of all.

    The film is extremely erotic and at times felt like watching a porn film. There’s even a threesome scene. The obligatory porn “I’m going to come!” scene followed by – well use your imagination, makes several appearances in this film. Arguably the storyline gets lost at times in the incredibly hot, but distracting sex.

    Jesse is completely likeable, relatable and discovers that he’s searching for his true self. Over the course of the weekend, he redefines what it means to him to be an artist, gay, and an adult. However, the ending was a bit of an anti-climax.

    It’s brilliantly directed and shot in a way that makes you feel like your sharing the characters most intimate moments. I Want Your Love is at times: funny, emotionally touching, romantic and sentimental as well as being abundantly horny throughout.

    There were slow scenes of sparse dialogue that were followed by peaks of rampant high-paced sex. There was an annoying character – one who really grated, but luckily he wasn’t in the film much.

    Mathews stated that he wanted to give an ‘honest and relevant’ representation of everyday gay life for men in San Francisco. I’m not from San Francisco so I can’t comment, but if that’s what it is really like – get me on a plane!

    I Want Your Love is the perfect film to watch with your partner or other very close friends – not only thoroughly entertaining, it will give you plenty of ideas in the bedroom department.

    I Want Your Love is available to pre-order/order on Amazon.

  • BOOK REVIEW | In His Secret Life, by Mel Bossa

    In His Secret Life is Mel Bossa‘s latest book. Allan has taken care of his sister Elise and her daughter Fay ever since Elise was dumped by Fay’s father. But when Elise meets Dayton, Allan knows things are going to change. It’s not long until Elise & Dayton get engaged and Allan gets to meet Dayton’s family.

    Allan meets Davinder, one of Dayton’s brothers who is married with two kids. Something about Davinder captivates Allan and he’s about to break his one and only rule: never fall for a straight guy.

    In His Secret Life is a love story about a seemingly impossible relationship, which is told over decades. It gives the reader a moral dilemma. On the one hand Davinder is a married man, but on the other it’s clear that he’s unhappily married and that he loves Allan.

    The story is written in three parts. In the first part the characters are introduced and Allan & Davinder meet. The second part is about Allan & Davinder’s affair and the duality of their double lives. The third and final part is about Allan & Davinder’s journey on separate paths back to one another.

    There’s something magical about Mel Bossa‘s writing that hypnotises the reader from the first word. All of the characters are likeable and the story is written from Allan’s perspective. The reader empathises with Allan’s loneliness, as well as the highs and lows of love – that he likens to drug addiction. The use of perspective and these emotions – that everybody has experienced at sometime in their life, creates a connection between Allan and the reader.

    Allan & Davinder’s sexual relationship develops a bit too quickly in the beginning and their was a scene that gave the impression that Allan had drunkenly drove home. But apart from these minor details the plot is perfectly paced, well thought out and exceptionally well written.

    Mel Bossa‘s use letters and emails to show other characters perspectives was a really clever idea. The description ignites the readers imagination, giving a flawless image of the characters, settings and events. The end this book made me cry (with happiness) and was heartwarming.

    In His Secret Life is Mel Bossa‘s best book to date and is one of those incredibly rare books that comes into your life and leaves you feeling changed somehow.

    If you want a book about impossible love made possible, that will make you question yourself, leave you feeling satisfied and joyous then I recommend In His Secret Life by Mel Bossa.

  • HIV Campaign ” It Starts With Me”

    Health Protection Agency has given two years of funding to the Terrence Higgins Trust to deliver the ‘It Starts With Me’ HIV Campaign. This campaign focuses on three aspects: Test, Treat and Protect.

    Did you know that 8 out of 10 gay men get HIV from a man that doesn’t know that he’s got it? Or that 100,000 people in the UK have HIV but don’t know it? If these aren’t good enough reasons to encourage you to get a HIV test here are some more: regular testing gives you piece of mind, it’s free, confidential and convenient.

     

    You can arrange an appointment at your local sexual health clinic or even do a test through a postal kit. Jake, our Editor, recently reviewed the home testing kit. ‘It Starts With Me’ campaign even has a ‘Do I need an HIV test?’ Questionnaire, answer five quick and easy questions to establish if you need a HIV test. Earlier testing helps get quicker access to treatment for those that are HIV positive.

     

    A better understanding of HIV has led to treatment that gives a HIV positive person a feeling of better health and a longer life. According to ‘It Starts With Me,’ earlier treatment can extend your life expectancy by about 10 years; equally delaying testing and starting treatment can cost you 10 years of your life.

     

    The Campaign video (below) says that treatment stop the spread of HIV by reducing amount of HIV in a HIV positive person’s blood stream to an ‘undectable level’ meaning that they are unlikely to pass on HIV. Watch the video here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqMxrLqHAVo

     

    The Department for Health, Terrence Higgins Trust and all other sexual health organisations recommend the use of condoms when having sex. Condoms are the best way to Protect against HIV, especially when 8 out of 10 gay men get HIV from a man who doesn’t know that he’s got it.

     

    Gay men 25-29 years old are most likely to test HIV positive, but HIV doesn’t discriminate on age, gender, race, sexuality or for any other reason. If you’re worried about HIV you can speak to your GP, local sexual health clinic, or call Terrence Higgins Trust on 0808 802 1221. If you’ve got a sexual health question, visit TheGayUK sexual health section:http://www.mysexhealth.thegayuk.com

     

    If you’ve recently been diagnosed HIV positive, the forums on: http://www.myhiv.org.uk are said to be helpful along with Terrence Higgins Trust Website.

     

    There are also several bloggers who share their experience living with HIV; here are just a few of them:

     

    Alex: HIV & Me

    Website: http://alexsparrowhawk.wordpress.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/birdy_tweet

     

    HIVing The Dream

    Website: http://hivingthedream.wordpress.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/HIVingTheDream

     

    HIVPozGuy

    Website: http://hivpozguy.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/hivpozguy

     

    UKPositiveLad

    Website: http://www.ukpositivelad.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/UKPositiveLad

     

    Remember to get tested regularly, if you’re HIV positive to get treatment and always protect yourself using condoms when having sex. Together we can and will stop the spread of HIV.

  • Top 10 Things You Need To Survive Pride: The Pride Survival Kit

    Top 10 Things You Need To Survive Pride: The Pride Survival Kit

    Pride season is upon us once again. Here’s a list of 13 essential items to help you to have a safe and enjoyable pride.

    Pop these items in your man-bag and call it: The Pride Survival Kit.

     

    1. Pride Map / Guide –

    Most offer Pride organisers offer a Pride map and guide, whether it be printed when you buy tickets or on their website online. Pop a copy in your Survival Kit and you’ll never be lost in the world of Pride or miss any of the big events. Did you know that TheGayUK has an App that you find directions to your nearest Pride. Visit: www.app.thegayuk.com

    2. Mobile / Smart Phone –

    These are great to keep in contact with your friends, partner or significant others at Pride. But should something go horribly wrong, in an emergency you can dial 999 and ask for the Police, an Ambulance or Fire and Rescue Services to attend.

    3. Emergency Mobile / Smart Phone Charger –

    Your mobile’s no good if the battery has gone flat, so carry an Emergency Mobile Phone Charger. There are a variety of these devices on the market and they all have different features, such as: solar panel charging, disposable – one use only, super fast charging, etc.

    4. A 24-Hour Supply of Any Medication You Take–

    Your transport home might be delayed or you might not get home at all. Take a 24-hour supply of any medication you take, so that you don’t miss a dose.

    If you’re planning to have a drink of the alcoholic variety, check beforehand that it’s OK to mix your medication with alcohol. If you’re unsure speak to your GP or prescribing health care professional who will be able to tell you.

    5. Painkillers –

    There’s nothing worse than being in pain to spoil your Pride mood. Take some painkillers and avoid being the member of the group who’s not in the mood because of pain.

    6. Emergency Money –

    It’s always good to be prepared for the unexpected. Emergency money will cover costs because of an unexpected event at Pride. How much emergency money you put to one side is up to you and depends up on your circumstances.

    7. Sun Protection Lotion –

    In the UK we have ever-changing weather; it can be pouring down with rain one minute and the next the sun is cracking flags. Taking sun protection will stop you burning and protect against potential UV damage when the sun comes out at Pride.

    8. Condoms & Lube –

    At Pride you may meet someone and hook up with them. Whether or not you’re planning to hook up, take condoms and lube. Then if something happens you wont have to worry about the unprotected sex the morning after.

    Some pubs and clubs do provide safer sex packs, but don’t rely on these. The pub may have stopped providing them since the last time you were there, or there may have been a rush and are out of stock.

    Condoms & lube are provided free at your local sexual health clinic. If you are worried because you’ve had unprotected sex, the sexual health clinic can also undertake testing and offer support. For more information visit The Gay UK Sexual Health Site.

    9. Bottle of Water –

    Staying well hydrated will protect against sunstroke (along with sun protection lotion) and will also lessen or prevent alcohol-related hangovers.

    10. Safety Clips & A Spare Pair of Pants –

    If you’re in the Pride Parade safety clips are essential, as costumes don’t always stay together. Even if you’re not taking part in the Pride Parade safety clips are still useful to have.

    We’ve all had wardrobe malfunctions at the most inconvenient of times and a safety clip or a spare pair of pants can prevent that ground-open-up-and-swallow-me-now moment.

    11. Alcohol Hand Rub –

    Toilets, especially outdoor ones soon become unclean. Alcohol hand rub used after a visit to the toilet will keep your hands hygienic.

    12. Lollipops / Sweets / Other Snacks –

    Keeping your sugar-levels up with lollipops, sweets and other snacks will provide your body with plenty of energy. This will mean that you can enjoy Pride to the fullest.

    13. Ear Plugs –

    These are great if the music gets too much. They also prevent your ears from ringing or buzzing the day after Pride.

    Pride is a celebratory event where we come together to celebrate our sexuality as part of who we are. Gay people throw a great party, but there’s always a potential for things to go wrong. The Pride Survival Kit if carried in full or part is likely to reduce the risk of something going wrong for you. We hope that you have a safe and truly fantastic Pride.

     

  • Hope for a HIV vaccine

    The International AIDS Vaccine Initiative (IAVI) announced last week that they are starting a clinical trial for a HIV vaccine, based in London and two centres in Africa.

    Laboratories in London – UK, Kigali – Rwanda and Nairobi – Kenya will recruit 64 healthy HIV-free adults for phase one of the trial that is expected to last for two years. Volunteers will receive two vaccines and not be at risk of catching HIV.

    HIV affects 34 million people worldwide, of which there are 96,000-100,000 in the UK. HIV is found in bodily fluids and people are usually infected by: unprotected sex with someone who is HIV positive, reusing injecting equipment that has been used by someone who is HIV positive or transmission from mother to baby.

    HIV attacks the immune system in the affected individual, weakening the body’s ability to fight other infections and diseases. You can find out more about HIV on the NHS Choices Website. Over the last few decades there have been massive advances in treatment; that have focused around slowing down the damage HIV causes to the immune system.

    IAVI have admitted that the clinical trials are in their early stages. Clinical trials usually take at least 10 years and usually cost billions of pounds. There are many on-going research projects focused on trying to create a HIV vaccine. So it’s likely that there wont be an effective HIV vaccination for at least a decade.

    Jason Warriner, Clinical Director at Terrence Higgins Trust, when asked about IVAI’s clinical trial said,

    “We welcome investment in the search for a vaccine against HIV. This research is in its very earliest stages. Clinical trials take several years to complete and, even if the vaccine passes this first stage of tests, more research will be needed over the course of many years.

    “Although an HIV vaccine has so far remained stubbornly out of reach, we now understand how to prevent transmission better than ever before. A combination of widespread condom use, regular testing for HIV, and getting those with the virus onto the right treatment, could drastically reduce HIV within a generation.”

    A HIV vaccine would protect people from catching HIV and would most likely be administered to those in high-risk groups including gay men. The ability to prevent people from catching HIV would be a significant step forward in the fight against HIV; as it would stem the number of people becoming infected.

    For those that are already HIV positive, the vaccine will not be a cure. It is likely that they will have to continue with their treatment. However people who are HIV positive should take hope from the fact that there’s a number of on-going research projects looking into potential cures for HIV, and ways to reverse some of the damage HIV causes to the immune system.

    While we wait for a HIV vaccine, health professionals continue to recommend that gay people use condoms when having sex and that they are regularly tested for HIV at least once a year.

  • HISTORY: Manchester Canal Street

    Manchester Gay Village has a long history that makes it truly vintage. Starting as an underground scene in the sixties, through the decades it has transformed to what it is today: one of the most vibrant gay scenes in the UK. In this article, we’ll cover the significant events that led to this transformation, describe the Village today and briefly contemplate its future.

    In the 60s the area that would become the Village was deserted following the collapse of the cotton industry. Having been industrialised it was a gloomy part of the city with little life. The night visitors to the area were either men looking for prostitutes or the prostitutes themselves.

    At this point it was still illegal for men to have sex with men, gay people were isolated, not seen as part of society and often encouraged to conform and get married to someone of the opposite sex.

    The New Union Pub started out as a place for men to meet female prostitutes, but it soon started to attract a small number of gay men. Female prostitutes and gay men might sound like an odd combination, but it was a relationship of mutual legal protection. If the Police ever raided, the prostitutes would pretend to be the gay men’s girlfriends so that neither could be arrested for their respective crimes: prostitution or men that are having sex with men.

    In 1967 after campaigning in Manchester, London and other cities the law was changed so that men having sex with men were no longer doing anything illegal, but societal attitudes would take longer to change.

    In the 70s the civil rights movement in Manchester continued to campaign for equality. The Rembrandt Pub opened as well as one or two others; but these few venues were regularly raided by the police aiming to catch gay men engaging in sexual activity in public places. The police applied the law unfairly, as it was only applied to gay men and often the attitudes of police officers were perceived as homophobic.

    Then the early 80s came and along with it HIV/AIDS. This caused an increase in homophobia in society but caused the gay community to stand together. In the Village the Thompson Arms seemed to have opened at around this time, if not slightly earlier.

    By the late 80s more gay people were coming out. In Manchester protests against Section 28 took place that passed through the city centre, the Village and ended at the town hall. At one of these Manchester protests around 20,000 people marched and what was significant was that: they weren’t all gay. In the Village New York, New York, Queen Club (now Company Bar) and Napoleons opened at around this time. The New Union and Rembrandt were still going strong.

    In the late 80s Manchester Pride was also born, although it wasn’t named as that until many years later. It started with the owners of Rembrandt, Napoleons and the New Union wanting to do something on the August Bank Holiday weekend, the main event in the first year was an afternoon bring and buy sale. The vigil aspect came a few years later, when the gay people of Manchester started losing their friends, lovers and life partners to HIV/AIDS.

    The 90s brought a glass-fronted revolution started by the newly opened Manto bar. Before Manto the Village had a very “behind closed doors” feel to it, and this glass-fronted venue was symbolic of being: out and proud. New bars sprang up including Metz, Prague 5 (now G-A-Y), Vanilla and Via Fossa. Poptastic and Cruz 101 clubs opened around this time as well.

    The late 90s brought Queer As Folk, a TV programme that dramatised life of three gay men in the Village. It was aired on Channel 4 and signified that there had been a major shift in societal attitudes towards gay people.

    By the noughties the Village was similar to as it is now but the construction of The Beacon of Hope was significant. The Beacon of Hope stands on the edge of the canal in Sackville Park. It is a beautiful artistic steal structure that lights up in the evening symbolic of remembrance. Although we’ve moved on, we’ve not forgotten our gay brothers and sisters who’ve been lost to HIV/AIDS.

    The Village today is a clean and bright setting with plenty of bars and clubs that gives it a vibrant atmosphere. It has the Village Business Association (business owners group), the Lesbian and Gay Foundation (a charity aimed at improving the health & well-being of gay people), Manchester Pride (one of the biggest pride events in the country) and a myriad of community groups around every sort of leisure activity you could imagine. If you want to find out more about Manchester Gay Village, see our guide to gay Manchester

    Looking at the Village’s history one thing that is clear: it has always brought the gay community of Manchester together. Once together gay people have always instigated the change they want to happen. As long as the Village continues to bring the gay community together, be a part of the changes and keep up with them, it’s future will remain secure.

    Antony Simpson, writer of this article wasn’t born until the mid-eighties. So in addition to speaking to some of his older friends who witnessed to some of the historic events in this article, he would also like to reference the following sources:

    Gaydio: Your Story Radio Documentary, available:http://yourstory.gaydio.co.uk/documentaries/

    Guardian: Village people by Beatrix Campbell, available:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2004/aug/07/gayrights.communities

    Channel 4 OD: Queer As Folk

    http://www.channel4.com/programmes/queer-as-folk/4od

     Wikipedia: Canal Street (Manchester), available:

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canal_Street_(Manchester)


  • BOOK REVIEW | Handling Edna The Unauthorised Biography by Barry Humphries

    Barry Humphries has been with Edna Everage since the very beginning. In Handling Edna: The Unauthorised Biography by Barry Humphries he describes how they met, and the adventure she’s dragged him along for ever since.

    Before the book even begins there is a “Note to the Reader” alluding to the fact that some people have come to believe that Barry Humphries and Dame Edna are essentially the same person. Humphries writes that he hopes to shed some light on where this belief came from, so that the reader can make their own decision about what they believe.

    The first chapter starts in Moonee Ponds, Australia and describes how Barry and Edna met. Humphries writes in the first person, and throughout the book uses description to indicate the decade and location of events he describes.

    Each chapter gives an entertaining and fascinating insight into Barry’s life and career (or lack of), Edna and her family’s life and careers, her rise to stardom (and Barry’s lack of understanding as to why) and the problems that it brought her – all in a chronological order.

    A few highlights (in no particular order) include Barry being the warm up act for Dame Edna – for various shows; Edna’s time in Hollywood; Barry’s stint in hospital with alcoholism and Edna being his only visitor; Barry’s love life; Barry’s impersonation of Edna on two occasions – the first for his benefit and the second trying to help her; Edna’s poor mental health – in particular in relation to the death of Norm (her husband).

    Towards the end of the book you start to get a fictional feel to the book especially in the final few chapters. Early in the book Madge hands Barry a letter for Edna. Madge instructs Barry to only give the letter to Edna when she dies. In the final chapter Madge finally dies in hospital. Barry remembers the letter and it reveals that Madge took Edna’s missing daughter Lois in a moment of madness (which explains why Madge tolerated Edna over the decades). There’s a predictable twist that leaves the reader feeling oddly satisfied.

    Having read the book do I believe that Barry Humphries and Edna Everage are the same person?

    Yes, but that only makes Humphries even cleverer. The factual parts about Barry’s life are interesting to read, but the fiction about Edna is even more enjoyable. The book is a throughly entertaining read and it gives an insight into the psyche of Humphries. As you’d expect from a bibliography it has several glossy photo pages throughout the book.

     

    You can purchase this book on Amazon.com

  • BOOK REVIEW | Into The Flames by Mel Bossa

    The kind people at Publishers Group UK sent me a copy of Into the Flames by Mel Bossato read and review on my blog. It’s written in the perspectives of the three main characters: Jamie, Dance and Neil.

    Jamie or Dr. Jamie Scarborough to his patients is a psychiatrist. But poor Jamie suffers with his own mental health – he has severe anxiety (which at times lead to panic attacks) with a bit of OCD thrown in. He’s recently split up from bisexual Basil his partner of five years, leaving behind Basil’s sisters twin children Mallory and Marshall.

    Dance is an eccentric, loveable and very intelligent compulsive liar. He’s homeless and the only family he has is a twin brother Seth whose desperate to become a woman named September. September however has an eating disorder so can’t get the psychiatric pass to allow the surgery.

    Neil is a fire fighter who has been suspended due to putting his colleagues life at risk. Neil is a loner with his only family being an old dog that has to be put down by the vet. Neil’s poor mental health worsens after this trauma, making him unstable, neurotic and a very sinister person later in the book.

    Jamie, Dance and Neil all have mental health issues in this story, the root cause of which is childhood trauma. This heavy subject matter made Into the Flames difficult to read at times, but what encouraged me to read on was the genuine care and compassion that I felt for the characters.

    The story was slow to get going and initially focused on the characters issues rather than the characters and their development. I’m not sure if this was deliberate from Bossa, wanting the reader to care about the main characters to the point of us wanting to rescue them. Bossa also took her time in building the links and associations between the different characters which also encourages the reader to read on.

    Towards the end of the book tension builds and you become hooked. Neil starts to have a neurotic breakdown becoming dangerous and Dance disappears. Will Neil harm anyone? If he does will it be physical or psychological torture or both? Where has Dance gone? Will he be OK?

    Bossa uses the twin connection cleverly throughout the book and for more than one of the main characters. The story concludes traumatically but leaving the reader with a sense that everything will be OK in the end. I did feel sorry for Matt (one of the minor characters) who I felt was a loose string that could have been tied up at the end.

    Overall the story is well written with the use of the characters perspectives being pleasing; it is obvious that Bossa has a lot passion for writing queer literature. Into the Flames is available to buy on Amazon.

  • COMMENT | Can Anyone Really Be “Mr Perfect”?

    Can someone ever have no vices? Be so flawless that they seem perfect? And if so, is perfection what we seek? In this article, I’ll share an experience I had a few years ago; along with a realisation I had about aspiring to be perfect.

    I met this devilishly handsome guy online. We exchanged a few messages and decided to meet up. I took all the usual precautions when meeting up with someone from the online world: I arranged to meet him in a public place (a well-known coffee shop), let a friend know who I was meeting and what time I’d call in safe.

    He was one of those people that look even more stunning in real life than in their profile pictures. He had short-cropped hair, deep hazel eyes, a five o’clock shadow and his fitted tee a showed off a taut body. Our first coffee date went well and I established that he wasn’t an axe-wielding murderer.

    We shared a few dinner dates, a cinema date and even a countryside walk with a picnic date. I discovered that he didn’t smoke and rarely drank. When he did have an alcoholic beverage, he’d only have one or two. He told me that he liked to go to the gym three to four times a week and easily got his five-a-day in one meal.

    When my friends asked how it was going between us, I referred to him as Mr Perfect. I explained that I couldn’t find a single vice or flaw that he had. Comparing Mr Perfect with myself gave me a twinge of inadequacy. I had plenty of vices; I smoked and liked the occasional alcohol-fuelled night out. On top of these I was a chocoholic; lazy at times and could only manage to eat three of my five-a-day.

    Mr Perfect had noticed my vices and flaws. He was too polite to point them out, but did suggest that I try to cut down on the amount I smoked and offered to sign me in as a guest at his gym.

    Then one day I had an eureka moment; I realised that Mr Perfect’s vice was aspiring to be perfect. That he spent all of his time trying to be flawless. Mr Perfect wanted every aspect of his life to be perfect including his potential boyfriend: me.

    I grew up with Disney films that showed me that the ideal man, Prince Charming is handsome and flawless. And I thought that’s what I wanted; until I had Mr Perfect sat opposite me. We had a conversation and decided not to date anymore.

    I realised that as much as Mr Perfect aspired to be perfect, whatever his definition of that was, that he’d never achieve it. As every time he gets close, he’ll move the goal posts further away. Perfection is an unachievable goal, like trying to live for eternity.
    Through my experience with Mr Perfect I discovered what I want in a man. I want a man that has vices and flaws; as these are part of what makes us unique, diverse and multi-faced individuals. Remember – those who truly love us, accept us for our whole selves, flaws and all.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • BOOK REVIEW | Strange Bedfellows by Rob Byrnes

    Strange Bedfellows by Rob Byrnes is a crime caper story that is an addictive read. Grant Lambert and Chase LaMarca are introduced on a job to rob a store.

    As the scene unfolds they have to pretend to be mannequins in the shop window as the Police have turned up, which is an hilarious scene and just the start of this fantastically funny book.

    Grant & Chase are partners in life as well as crime, and when the offer of a well paid job comes along they can’t turn it down; even if it is from hustler Jamie Brock.

    Austin Peebles is an adorable democratic congressional candidate who has sexted a rude photo of himself that has found it’s way into the hands of June Forteene a rightwing blogger.

    Grant & Chase’s job is simple: steal the photo (as well as any copies) off June before she exposes it on her blog and ruins Austin’s political prospects. They complete the job; but enraged June soon posts a cropped version of the rude photo along with an ultimatum: the unnamed political candidate must withdraw himself as a candidate and provide her with compensation. Austin’s campaign manager Kevin Wunder refuses to pay Grant & Chase as they haven’t have completed their job correctly.

    Grant & Chase are convinced that they completed their job and that there’s something more going on. So they hatch a plan, recruit a team and set about making everything right. Along the way we get to know grumpy Grant and likeable Chase. Both characters were multifaceted like real people and the use of description by Byrnes gave a strong sense of the different characters.

    Byrnes used a number of close calls and twists to weave a fascinating plot that is perfectly paced. He used his unique writing style to engage the reader and packed the story full of funny, believable and entertaining scenes. Byrnes got the balance between showing and telling the story spot on for the reader. Strange Bedfellows had a satisfying conclusion that will leave the reader wistful for another of Byrnes‘ stories.

    What let’s Strange Bedfellows down was it’s cover. The topless man gives a misleading impression, as does the image of the Whitehouse. The topless man is like none of the characters described in the book; and implies some sexual scenes of which there were none. The Whitehouse gives the impression of a political story; but even non-Americans will fully understand the story as Byrnes explained what the reader needs to know and besides the story isn’t really about politics.

    Please don’t be put off by the cover, Strange Bedfellows by Rob Byrnes is a captivating read that will have you craving more of Rob Byrnes stories.
    Available from Amazon