Author: Chris Bridges

THEATRE REVIEW | Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf

Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf

Credit : Johan Persson

There are plays that are legendary and roles that have become iconic, making them feel impossible to reinterpret.

The lacerating portrayal of George and his brash alcoholic wife Martha in Mike Nichols’ 1966 film by real life hard drinking, on/off couple Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton was a work of perfect genius.

Surely this is impossible to equal? Watch and learn though. James Macdonald’s version is as close to perfection as can be and the assembly of a sublime script, a clutch of multi-award actors and a notable director have created something breath taking and rare.

Have you ever had one of those nights where you’ve had too much to drink and end up holed up with one of those bickering couples who are determined to emotionally swipe at each other? Meet George and Martha: a middle-aged failed author, college lecturer and his drunken wife, daughter of the head of the college. New to the campus are Nick and Honey. He’s a prime piece of beef, a precocious high achiever in his late twenties with a mousy wife who can’t handle her drink. It’s way after midnight and the drinks are flowing. Let the games commence.

Openly gay playwright Edward Albee was often asked about theories that the two couples in the play are based on gay men. He rubbished these claims and stated that had he wished to write about gay men then he would have done so. Whatever his intention this is a funny, painful play. Whether taken at face value as a play about relationships or as something deeper about the state of America or humanity, it’s a marathon at three hours long, but that’s worth taking part in in one and is as joyful as it is visceral. As the couples take bites out of each other the one-liners flow and the comedy morphs into something more painful and ultimately illustrates something touching and tender.

Macdonald has captured more of the comedy in the piece than in some versions and Imelda Staunton and Conleth Hill are pitch perfect actors. Luke Treadway manages a fine depiction of cocky male confidence and it would be remiss of me not to mention his equally fine buttocks that he moves to strong effect. Imogen Poots is endearing as Honey. Their iconic roles and hard for an actor to make his or her own but the team manage this with aplomb.

This is theatre at its finest. Go and see it now. It’s not often something this hot comes to town.

Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf plays at the Harold Pinter Theatre until 27th May 2017

12th March 2017
Five totally rubbish ways to end things with your boyfriend

Exit Strategies (…or rubbish my ex-partners have told me)

Extricating yourself from a relationship isn’t easy. We’ve all been there; watching a once-promising union limping sadly towards the end, trying to fan the fire of a lukewarm love life or just living through that daily battle of trying not to slip a pinch of Arsenic into his latte. I’ve been through a few relationship breakdowns and my behaviour can be charted somewhere on a continuum that ranges from psychopathic maniac to saintly martyr. One thing I wish though is that my ex-partners had sometimes been more truthful.

Here are my top 5 pieces of crap which have been uttered to me over the past 20 years:

1) It’s not you, it’s me: This one is a total classic and is invariably nonsense. Of course, it was me too. I made that remark about your mother, didn’t put out as often as you wanted and was often snippy and critical. Yes, you were pretty dire at times and those nasty clothes and the penchant for 80s soft rock was hard to tolerate but let’s be honest. We both played a part in causing this once quite promising future to turn post-apocalyptic.

2) I need to find myself: Seriously? How careless to mislay something so important. In my experience, this one always means ‘I need to spend time on Grindr and see what I can find within a 3-mile radius that is willing to take his pants down and lube up for me.”

3) I want an open relationship: See above. This is also often the cowardly way of saying: “I want an affair or ten and you to stay at home, ask no questions but remain totally faithful to me. If you so much as brush up against another man on the tube I’ll get all psycho on you but please don’t complain when I bring home pubic lice and my phone buzzes with texts from morning till night.”

4) I’m not sure that I’m really gay: This one was uttered by a very plausible and slightly mixed up man and got my sympathy (albeit in a puzzled way). I felt sorry for his messed up emotions. This sympathy lasted until I spotted his new Gaydar profile two weeks later in which he was seeking: ‘Young good looking versatile men who want to be pounded and give some cock back”. That’s not normally the request of someone who is feeling all hetero all of a sudden. Don’t they like fishing, football and tits? I’m not sure they’re always so keen on hard anal with another man. That desire implies leanings, to me.

5) I love you but you’re impossible to be around: If you love someone then surely being around him or her is easy or something you’ll work to be able to do. You love them and that involves you wanting to be with them however difficult they can be. This actually translates as: “I’ve finally woken up to what a nightmare you can be and realised we’re not compatible. Don’t feel bad but I now regard you in the same light as an episode of Friends. It was once endearing, funny and I kind of liked it but now it makes me wince and wonder what the hell I was thinking.”

I accept that honesty isn’t always good. We all need some sugaring of the pills from time to time but there’s dishonesty and there’s downright ridiculousness. Sometimes a pinch of honesty peppered with a smidgeon of tact is really the best policy of all.

Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

2nd March 2017
THEATRE REVIEW | The Wild Party

★★★★ | The Wild Party

CREDIT: Scott Rylander

Have you ever been to one of those parties where the memory of it makes you shudder and sigh in equal measures? You know the kind: the music’s loud, the people are louder, there’s way too much gin, people are taking drugs like they’re about to become illegal or something, your boyfriend sneaks off and does someone else in another room and you can’t quite even remember what or even who you did. No? Me neither. I’m more of a Bridge and canapés person but I like to dream.

‘The Wild Party’ depicts just such a party but back in the era of Vaudeville, dancing the Black Bottom and blasting out jazz. Based on a controversial narrative poem from 1927, this musical is a rollicking romp and a visual treat. Queenie and Burrs are ageing Vaudeville stars that decide to liven up their flagging relationship by throwing a wild party with a bath tub full of gin and an assortment of bohemian friends with fluid sexuality. Cue the entrance of old friend Kate with her hot gigolo lover, Black and things get messier than expected.

Award-winning choreographer Drew McOnie (In the Heights, Bugsy Malone, Jekyll and Hyde) directs the piece and injects it with jaw dropping moves. Limbs flail, jazz hands waggle and a sinister pair of brothers hot-shoe it all over the stage. It’s visually dazzling if slightly overwhelming at times. The music is pure 1920s jazz and has enough oomph to carry the show which is needed as there isn’t a huge amount of plot: there’s a party with sex, drink and drugs and it goes wrong.

Original Les Miserables star Frances Ruffelle is a treat to watch as Queenie. Simon Thomas is painfully handsome as gigolo Black and Dex Lee is a suitably sinister and sexually appealing Jacky, a coke-crazed bisexual rich kid. It’s a show that’s brash, loud and relentless which is no bad thing. What it lacks in plot and delicate characterisation it more than makes up with rousing choreography and, to quote another show featuring Vaudeville stars, ‘razzle dazzle’.

The Wild Party plays at The Other Palace until 1st April 2017

24th February 2017
THEATRE REVIEW | La Ronde

★★ | La Ronde

CREDIT: Ray_Burmiston

Arthur Schnitzler’s turn of the century play ‘La Ronde’ is a frequently performed and adapted classic, partly because it’s an intriguing concept and also often because it’s usually staged with just two actors and a minimal set, making it easy to put on.

Taking the idea of a roundel, where people are linked through their sexual encounters, the original play looks at power, class and politics from the standpoint of sexual encounters. For example, in the original: a prostitute has sex with a soldier, the soldier has sex with a parlour maid and the parlourmaid has sex with a young gentleman and so on till we complete the circle back with the prostitute. It’s a bit like six degrees of separation (or six degrees of Kevin Bacon if you prefer). David Hare adapted the play into ‘The Blue Room’, which became notorious for featuring a naked Nicole Kidman. The gay version, ‘F*cking Men” was a witty and timely adaptation with cleverly drawn characters and a frisson of raunchiness. Sadly this version flounders and is an anti-aphrodisiac.

Writer/director Max Gill has come up with a novel take on the concept. His version features four actors and Wheel of Fortune type spinning wheel featuring their faces. Each scene is preceded by a spin of the wheel which results in a choice of which actor joins the remaining actor from the previous pair, meaning that there are (apparently) over 3,000 possible actor combinations in the play. Also, this makes the play gender neutral. The couples could be two women, two men or a man and a woman. The pronouns and language in the script allow for this. It’s a lively concept and one served well by Frankie Bradshaw’s arresting set and Jack Weir and Nathan Klein’s atmospheric sound and lighting. The gimmick works but sadly it’s not at all well served by the script.

The tone of the play is light comedy and despite some glimpses of promise and the odd flash of insight, on the whole, the script feels dated and pedestrian with few laughs and little depth. The characters mostly feel stereotyped and the acting is turned up to full stagey volume. I found myself looking forward to each scene ending and the wheel to spin again. I love a gimmick and am all for innovation and originality but there needs to be a more sturdy and polished script to make this work.

La Ronde plays at the Bunker Theatre until 11th March 2017

16th February 2017
5 things that are actually the worst about shopping

Last week I experienced something horrific: shopping on Oxford Street.

I avoid clothes shopping until my wardrobe is decimated. I wait until I’m down to a few pairs of socks and my underwear is looking like the type of thing your parents warned you not to wear in case of being run over before I venture out to rectify the situation. I try to ignore the dwindling collection of shirts and trousers that have been ravaged by over washing, deodorant marks and time until I can do it no more.

Last week was the turning point and I had to face the ugly truth: I needed to go clothes shopping. It was my bi-annual clothes procurement mission and I gritted my teeth, revved myself up on caffeine and went for it.

ALSO READ: 17 you only know if you’ve worked as a go go boy in a gay bar

Maybe Oxford Street on a Sunday wasn’t the best choice for a pathological shopping hater but needs must. I needed new basic items and chain stores are the place to go. I just needed to suck up a whole world of pain.

I won’t go into all the messy details. I won’t describe the moment (fifteen minutes in) when my partner offered to go home and leave, as he couldn’t take my mood any more. I won’t describe the inner demon that emerged and the childish tantrums, rages and traumas (for everyone else, not me). I’ll just tell you why it was so bloody awful.

1) Un-priced garments:

It’s a shop. You sell things. If there’s no price on it then you can keep it. I’m not asking around or waiting for some glassy eyed teenager to go and check. I’ve got a life to live. I also hate that concealed price/size thing. A whole stack of shirts, neatly folded, with every one having a tag tucked discretely away so that you have to wade through each one and extricate the size label only to find after 10 minutes that they only have extra small and XXL. Strangely a lot of shops seem to cater solely for the very burly or the painfully thin.

2) Changing rooms:

Bright lights and mirrors at all angles are not something most of us need. I know I’ve got a bald spot. I know that years of smoking have ravaged my skin. I really don’t want this hammering home in an overheated cupboard as I puff and pant and try to ram myself into the sizes I wore 20 years ago.

3) Vacant automaton shop assistants:

Working in retail is tough, I’m sure, especially with people like me about. Being British, I kind of expect you to show that to me though. I don’t mind surly, truculent and disinterested. What displeases me is the false, robotic eagerness to please. It’s terrifying and disingenuous. I don’t trust the fakery, especially when it’s clearly being delivered through a world of pain and has been taught by a smiley man called Bob on an away day in Milton Keynes.

4) Other shoppers:

Faster, quicker and out of my way. They’re the only words I need to say. Unfortunately, shouting them out loud only gets you into trouble so I keep them in and just get angrier and my ulcer grows deeper by the moment. People also seem to be having a good time, lingering over the whole experience, which of course, makes me even angrier.

5) It’s illegal to carry a Taser:

I don’t need to explain that one

The ordeal is over. I have clothes. Project forward in time to six months down the line: that’ll be my next foray into the world of retail. I’d mark it in your diary and avoid the day.

5th February 2017
5 really annoying things about going to a wedding

Now, I’m not one to rain on anyone’s parade and I’m the first to shout out a resounding YES to the fact that we have marriage equality. I’m stunned that I’ve seen so many changes in societal attitudes since my teenage years 20 plus years ago. I’m all for liberty, equality and freedom of expression. Except when it comes to bad taste.

There’s just one issue in this whole thing. I may now get more wedding invites and I bloody hate weddings. I dodge, feign illness and fake deaths (including my own): just to avoid these often-horrible things. They’re just not my thing at all. One sniff of a fat uncle dancing with a small child to ‘Come on Eileen’ or the oily drip of a 99% oil chocolate fountain and I’m running for cover.

Here’s my top five wedding don’ts for those planning to tie the knot:

1) Eskimo/Native American/Self-penned love poems.

OK. We get it. We know you’re quite fond of each other but we do not want to regurgitate our lunch. If you need to recite little poems to each other then there’s a time and a place…maybe just before you are both put to death by lethal injection for mawkish bad taste? Is that a crime punishable by death? I hope so.

2) Bizarre Outfits.

OK, so your mother’s cousin’s milkman’s best friend was Scottish or at least he once shared a lift with someone from Perth, but this is no reason to wear a kilt, especially if you haven’t got good knees. Cummerbunds, tuxedos, matching suits, pastel shades: they’re fine as an ironic statement but not to have in photographs that we’re quite frankly all going to be wincing at before we’ve even recovered from our hangovers.

3) The Chocolate Fountain

Unless this is a euphemism for some nefarious sexual practice that you and your guests will all enjoy then no. Just no. OK? It’s dirty, unhygienic and just plain oily.

4) Wedding lists.

Save up for it like the rest of us. The world doesn’t owe you a living. Have you not heard of payday lending and credit cards or just getting a job? Maybe you could sell a kidney or take to the streets with a bowl? It’s a more honest form of begging. I recently went to a wedding where the list contains items such as wide screen TVs, washing machines and a shed. I kid you not.

5) Bankrupt your guests.

OK, You’re getting married. That’s lovely. We’d love to come. Oh, the wedding is in Lapland? We have to attend a weeklong stag do in Borneo? We need a minimum £50 gift spend, not to mention the new outfits and the stint in rehab after that stag do? That’s fine. We’ll shelve those plans to move out of our hovel/ever own a home/ have a decent holiday. It’s not like the divorce stats are 50/50 is it? We’ll play along and don’t worry about that new hip we were planning on buying.

Apart from all that. Have a great day, whatever your wedding.

Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

1st February 2017
THEATRE REVIEW | Dirty Great Love Story, The Arts Theatre

★★ | Dirty Great Love Story, The Arts Theatre
CREDIT: Richard Davenport
I’m a bit unconventional in my views when it comes to romance. I strongly believe that sex before the first date is a sensible action (who wants to sit through a tedious meal with a fake smile plastered on your face when you can cut to the chase?) but I also have a secret love of ‘will they won’t they’ romantic comedies.

Slam poetry champion Richard Marsh and writer/performer Katie Bonna originally conceived Dirty Great Love Story as a short pub performance piece.

It evolved into a longer two-hander play and was well received at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2012 where the writers also performed the piece. Outlining a meeting between gauche and shy Richard and recently heartbroken Katie on a stag and hen do, followed by a one night stand in a Travelodge, the play then goes on to tantalise with an almost/on and off romance, that burgeons in spite of obstacles.

It’s classic rom-com but recited partly in verse.

In this new incarnation at The Arts Theatre, the pair is played by actors with accomplished performances from Ayesha Antoine and Felix Scott. This is where the problem seems to lie, though. Maybe performance poetry works better coming from the mouth of the poet and in this case, fails to translate over easily despite the actors’ efforts.

In spite of their skill as performers, the verse feels stilted coming from their mouths and sits oddly with a touch of the painfully twee about it in parts. Yes, they’re sometimes talking about the dirty bits of this relationship, but in a Richard Curtis style romantic comedy format with poetry that sounds like Pam Ayres on a 1980s edition of That’s Life.

It splutters dimly more that it illuminates and feels tired and dated. Not so great and a tiny bit dirty but a love story nonetheless, there are flashes of brilliance but they feel few and far between.

When the funny moments hit they’re worth waiting for, there’s a clever set by Pia Furtado with bits that drop down and pop up to illustrate various scenes but overall it all falls a bit flat.

Dirty Great Love Story plays at The Arts Theatre until 16th March 2017

28th January 2017
THEATRE REVIEW | Holding The Man, Jack Studio Theatre

★★★ | Holding The Man, Jack Studio Theatre

CREDIT: Nicholas Chinardet

Holding the Man is a play by Tommy Murphy (Strangers in Between) that was also made into a film in 2015.

It’s based on Timothy Conigrave’s 1995 memoir, an elegy to his late partner, John Caleo. The pair met as teenagers in 1970s Australia and fell in love, facing parental disapproval, trying to find where they fitted into society and experimenting with their sexuality. Sadly, Conigrave died aged 34 from an AIDS related illness shortly after completing the book. This is more than just a play about the AIDS crisis, though. It’s a tender love story and a reflection on the problems faced by young gay people, which is still pertinent today.

Director Sebastian Polka has taken a clever starting point to staging this play. The play is wide in its scope, covering Tim’s Catholic school upbringing through to his death, looking at his first experiences of the gay scene and gay activism, his career as an actor and the highs and lows of his relationship with John. Polka takes Tim’s acting career as a point from which to present the characters with the stage being a dressing room where Tim conjures up scenes from his life. Tim is played with skill and sensitivity by lean and angular Christopher Hunter along with astonishingly good muscle hunk Paul-Emile Forman as John. The astonishing thing is that this is Forman’s professional debut and he gives an incredibly subtle and nuanced performance. The rest of the characters from Tim’s life are played by four actors who constantly change clothes and accents along with their roles.
It’s an interesting play that is well staged but ultimately the problem lies in the play itself. It’s a major task to try to present twenty-five years of a man’s life in such detail in one play.

The focus on so many events ends up detracting somewhat from the whole effect and leaves it feeling oddly bloodless. The actors barely have space within the dialogue to convey much and the piece occasionally feels superficial and has less emotional depth than it could have.

Holding The Man plays at the Jack Studio Theatre until 4th Feb 2017

24th January 2017
THEATRE REVIEW | Promises Promises, Southwark Playhouse

★★★ | Promises, Promises – Southwark Playhouse

CREDIT: Claire Bilyard

‘Promises Promises’ has a fine pedigree. It’s a 1968 musical based on the classic 1960 Billy Wilder film, ‘The Apartment’. The script is by King of the one-liners Neil Simon and the music is from the outstanding duo Burt Bacharach and Hal David. The set list contains the lilting ‘A House is Not a Home’ and the glorious ‘I’ll Never Fall in Love Again’ which topped the charts for Dionne Warwick and Bobby Gentry. Surely, this a case for high expectations being met if ever there was one? Sadly it’s a bit of a mixed bag and isn’t all it pledges to be.

The main problem with the piece is the tone of the musical which feels dated and uncomfortable to watch. It’s more reminiscent of Benny Hill’s stomach curdling capers than the suave sex appeal of ‘Mad Men’. Chuck is a junior executive who accidentally hits on a way to curry favour with his married bosses by lending them his bachelor pad to take their girlfriends to for sex. After a lot of songs, dialogue and an inordinate amount of set up, Chuck realises that the object of his affection, waspish cafeteria worker Fran, is being taken back to the flat by the boss of the company. The first act limps along and feels uncomfortable because of the dated references to women whilst the second act takes a darker turn but feels equally uncomfortable in its bizarre response to one character’s suicide attempt.

There’s a cringe-worthy set piece in Act One where a group of married executives prance around and sing about where to take a girl to have sex on the sly. The girls are of course young and pretty (and largely devoid of character) whilst the executives are overweight and lumbering. The rest of the songs blend into one at times and the script feels less than zippy. Chuck addresses the audience and feels like he should be hilariously funny to watch but he just isn’t. The odd strong one liner that should be really funny (a woman downs a drink in one and he says ‘I’d hate to see her eat!’) barely raises a laugh, feeling lost amongst a swamp of too much dialogue and too many songs. At three hours there feels like not much content over a lot of time.

There are plenty of positives, though. The cast is really skilled and likeable. In spite of his humour falling flat, there’s something really quite loveable about Gabriel Vick’s portrayal of Chuck. Vick is a decidedly good looking man who can belt a tune out and is magnetic. He’s worth the ticket price alone. I defy you not to come out of the theatre with a slight crush on him. Equally strong is Daisy Maywood as the sharp-tongued but soft-centred Fran. Naturally, there are good songs among the setlist (it’s Bacharach and David. They write bloody good songs). Simon Wells slightly creaky set feels fun and is versatile and the choreography is filled with joyous moments.

Although this musical misses the mark by a mile in many ways it’s still worth a stroll to the delightful Southwark Playhouse just to see such strong performances and sit back for a few hours and let the music wash over you. Just don’t listen to the words too closely.

Promises, Promises plays at the Southwark Playhouse until 18th February 2017

19th January 2017
THEATRE REVIEW | BU21

★★★★ | BU21

We’re bombarded every year with news of atrocities. We might try to avoid looking at the scenes on the news or alternatively seek them out with a ghoulish fascination. We might worry about it happening to us or think about how we’d cope with say a gunman opening fire or a bomb blast. The certain fact is that bad things happen in the world and we can’t avoid knowing that they do.

CREDIT: BU21

‘BU21’ looks at the human aftermath of a terrorist plane attack which causes mass causalities in suburban North London. It’s a wry and witty play that’s multi-layered and never predictable. Told as a set of interconnected monologues it’s a 100-minute ride with surprising humour as well as pathos.
Graham has been elevated from van driver to national icon, having been one of the first to be filmed at the scene on the news and now finds this gives meaning to his life. Izzy learned that her mother had been ripped apart via Twitter and is trying to use her middle-class skills set to cope with this. Waitress Ana was horribly burned and maimed whilst sunbathing before her shift and is living life in a cold vacuum. Floss is seeing a dead man everywhere she goes. The thing is she was at the kitchen window and a man fell to earth in his plane seat and died looking into her eyes. City banker Alex’s flat was hit by wreckage which led to the unfortunate discovery of his girlfriend’s body welded to Alex’s best friend mid-shag. Finally,
Clive is a devout Muslim. Raised with no religion he’s found comfort in Islam and wants to tell us about his side of the story.

It might all sound unbearably grim and definitely like a play to avoid watching during a grey English January but this is where author Stuart Slade surprises tricks and teases. Slade’s characters are varying in their resilience, their surprising humour and their ability to get through. The play also turns its gaze upon society. Why do we want to watch this and what does our fascination with tragedy say about us as a society or as individuals? Slade plays with our prejudices too and laughs at and forces us to laugh at ourselves too. This is an alarmingly sad, hilariously funny and utterly pertinent play and is an experience you won’t stop thinking about for quite some time.

BU21 plays at the Trafalgar Studi0 until Feb 18th

15th January 2017
COLUMN | A Winter’s Tale

Winter is definitely looming over us and I’m embracing the fact that the weather is distinctly nippy. I’m trying hard to not spend my life looking forward to the next season.

I’m not good at living in the moment but instead, long for the next thing on the horizon or hanker after the past. Rather than enjoying the summer, I instead, long to stop sweating, wear my warm clothes and drag out my tweed suits. Instead of savouring the autumn, I dread the dark nights, miss my shorts and long for brighter days. It’s a never-ending cycle for me.

This year, I’m trying hard to appreciate what I have. Here are my tips for a pleasurable cold snap:

1) Enjoy the equality of cold weather: Winter clothes are so much more forgiving. You can hide pale and mottled flash, disguise the lumps and bumps and not worry about all those depilatory issues. Just avoid those Christmas jumpers. They may be retro but so was syphilis and no one rejoiced when that came back.

2) Make like Mrs Beeton: Ditch the diet and reach for the stovetop. Winter is all about gaining weight. It’s genetic, forgivable and indeed, sensible. It’s getting bloody cold; you need an extra layer of blubber to keep you warm. It’s all about soup and cakes for me this year (served separately of course). I’ll be swimming in broth come January but may have to have a layer of butter scraped out of my arteries.

3) Curl up with a good book: What finer winter activity than being stuck inside with a comfortable sofa and a pile of books (or DVDs/Netflix/C.D.s; if you’re so inclined)? It’s the perfect excuse for it. We’re practically captives of the weather. Who are we to argue with nature? Go with the flow and ditch the jogging. It’s all about lolling. Lolling won’t give you chapped lips. Lounging around feels so much less decadent when you can blame it on inclement conditions.

4) Enjoy nature: I suppose we must leave the house at some point and when we do, what better sight than the natural world. Forget summer with its parched showy finery. Winter has many charms too. The foliage is sparser but the wildlife is more visible and bolder. A bracing stroll is good to clear the sinuses. Just make sure you have a good mobile phone signal and a Kendall Mint Cake and forget al-fresco romps unless you want frostbitten nipples.

5) Seek good company: Whether you’re single, coupled or polygamous: the long dark nights can become oppressive and if you’re feeling it, then it’s more than likely that so are your friends. Connecting with people is a good thing. Seek out friends and make an effort to enjoy the oppressive nights together (but only if your book is dull). Whether that’s hanging out in a warm sitting room with friends and Cluedo, snuggling in the snug of a bar or sweating in a sauna: it’s good to share (as long as it’s not body fluids).

Whatever you’re doing this winter, stay safe and warm and if it gets too harsh then there’s always the traditional Russian remedy to winter: a thick eiderdown and vodka.

3rd January 2017