THEGAYUK

Author: Martin Johnson

  • OPINION | A Ban on Gay-to-Straight Conversion Therapy Can’t Come Soon Enough

    A new bill put forward by Swansea West MP Geraint Davies looks to ban gay-to-straight conversion therapy in the United Kingdom (UK).

    See the BBC Newsbeat article – My ‘horrendous’ gay conversion in the UK article.

    Gay-to-Straight Conversion Therapy Irresponsible & Damaging
    The practise is not only irresponsible, but potentially damaging to those who are subjected to gay-to-straight conversion therapy. Many people struggle with being gay and coming to terms with it can be an uphill struggle.

    Being gay is not a choice, it is not an illness, and therefore is not something you can change or cure. The sooner someone can come to terms with that the better it is for them, only when then align themselves with who they actually are will they find true happiness in life.

    By giving someone even the slightest hope that they can change what is innately them is not only wrong, but wholly irresponsible. There are many people who have tried to change their sexuality with no success, using all sorts of therapies and rituals. The failure of such gay-to-straight conversion therapies and rituals only cause further issues and anxieties for the person concerned.

    People Need Support in Coming to Terms With Who They Are
    Any counselling or therapy should concentrate on helping people come to terms with who they are and support them in understanding that being gay is natural for some people and can’t be changed. Unfortunately a lot of people do not get help with this and go through many internal struggles over many years, fighting a battle which they won’t win.

    If gay-to-straight conversion therapy worked would we not have heard more about all the successes? From my own experience of coming to terms with being gay I now know the fight I had against my innate sexuality was never going to be one that I was going to win, all it was a lot of struggle and heartache, I wished I just accepted it a lot earlier.

    With psychologists confirming that gay-to-straight conversion therapy is potentially dangerous and harmful, and that there are therapists out their attempting gay-to-straight conversion therapy a ban on this can’t come soon enough. Promoting acceptance of who you are is the only way forward for the health and wellbeing of those concerned.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

     

  • COMMENT | Accepting Yourself As Gay – The Internal Boxing Match

    The thoughts start to enter your head that you are attracted to the same sex… the internal boxing match begins.

    Round one, wham! You are hit by a thought that that indicates to you that you are gay; you either ignore it, dismiss it (It’s just a phase!), or retaliate in some way by fighting back with a counter argument of some kind (As you angrily say to yourself “I’m not gay”). Round two, some more thoughts come into your head that indicates you are attracted to the same sex; again you ignore it, dismiss it, or fight back in your own way. This cycle sound familiar? Well, this is one boxing match you are not going to win! The winner will always be your innate sexuality.

    Being gay is not a choice…. you do have a choice whether you accept who you are though. The fact is if you are gay then it will always be with you until the day you die, cheery stuff I know. We have all heard stories of people trying to change their sexuality through rituals and processes either of their own accord or by the external influence of others, and we know how successful they have been proved to be! There is also many people out there who have lived the heterosexual lifestyle of getting married and having children only to come out of the closet in their 30’s,40’s, 50’s… Do you really think these people would put themselves and their families through all the heartache associated with coming out in that situation if they could find some other way?

    The decision you have to make (your choice) is at which point in your life are you going to accept yourself for who you are. Self-acceptance is not about telling anyone else, it is about accepting yourself for who you are. You can spend your life pretending to be someone else by having a heterosexual relationship for example, only to deal with it much later in life, just remember that the ‘internal boxing match’ continues, your thoughts around your innate sexuality versus your own thinking around who you believe you should be.

    As you land the punches against what is innately you, your experience of life is going to be affected in a negative way. Just remember we are feeling our thinking in the moment, so your experience of your sexuality will be determined by your thinking about it, positive or negative. When you are battling against your innate sexuality you are creating a negative experience for yourself through your thinking, and this negative thinking goes onto affect your feelings and emotions in a negative way. Anxiety, worry, frustration, guilt and possibly anger are some of the feelings, and emotions that accompany the negative thinking around your sexuality, right?

    As I mentioned earlier, being gay is not a choice, so there is nothing you can do about it, fighting back against who you are leads to a negative experience of life which you have control over. When you realise that your negative thinking around your innate sexuality is causing your negative feelings and emotions, it must be worth accepting yourself for who you are, perhaps it’s time to hang up your boxing gloves, call time out on the boxing match between what is innately you, and the way you believe you should be.
    Be Proud – Be Who You Are

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Are you in a harmonious gay relationship?

    Having an understanding of how the inside-nature of thought works can help make relationships a lot more harmonious. The first thing to remember is that it’s not what your partner says or does that makes you feel the way you do about it because the system doesn’t work like that. You (and only you) are responsible for the way you feel, through your thinking about the situation.

    To illustrate this in everyday life, let’s use the example of your partner not cleaning up after themselves. When you see the mess, it’s easy to have negative thinking around it, which in turn will create a negative feeling of annoyance or even anger inside. When you feel this building, your reaction to your partner might be negative. You may shout at them or say something uncomplimentary, which in turn is going to trigger a negative reaction within them. Ultimately, this exchange ends up in an argument. If you had spoken to them in a non-confrontational way then they would be more likely to listen to you and enter into a conversation about the issue.

    When you have an understanding that your emotions and feelings are generated by thought, it is much easier to catch that negative emotion or feeling before it builds into something destructive. As soon as you sense the annoyance and anger building inside, you know it is your thinking doing this, so you can acknowledge it. Amazingly this process can stop it building further and establish a sense of calm within you. You are now in a much better place to enter a discussion with your partner because you have a clear mind and you are feeling calm. If you had let you annoyance or anger build, your head would be full of all sorts of untrustworthy thinking and you are likely to say things that will make the situation worse.

    I’m sure you have all been in a situation where you have been annoyed or angry and said things to someone you don’t mean, which leads to you apologising later (when you realise you were out of order). The simple fact is that you can’t trust your thinking when you are in a low mood state, so avoiding it (or at least being aware of it) helps you when it comes to engaging with others.

    Having the understanding that you create your experience of a situation through thought, can be enough for you to regain control of your thinking and emotions before they drive you into negative mood state. Also understanding that your thinking can not be trusted when you are in a low mood state is also useful in a relationships because you will be more inclined to leave a potentially explosive conversations until you are in a better state of mind and can deal with the situation in a compassionate way.

    Just understanding how your thinking creates your experience of a situation and how moods affect your thinking can do wonders in developing a more harmonious relationship between you and your partner.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.