The thoughts start to enter your head that you are attracted to the same sex… the internal boxing match begins.
Round one, wham! You are hit by a thought that that indicates to you that you are gay; you either ignore it, dismiss it (It’s just a phase!), or retaliate in some way by fighting back with a counter argument of some kind (As you angrily say to yourself “I’m not gay”). Round two, some more thoughts come into your head that indicates you are attracted to the same sex; again you ignore it, dismiss it, or fight back in your own way. This cycle sound familiar? Well, this is one boxing match you are not going to win! The winner will always be your innate sexuality.
Being gay is not a choice…. you do have a choice whether you accept who you are though. The fact is if you are gay then it will always be with you until the day you die, cheery stuff I know. We have all heard stories of people trying to change their sexuality through rituals and processes either of their own accord or by the external influence of others, and we know how successful they have been proved to be! There is also many people out there who have lived the heterosexual lifestyle of getting married and having children only to come out of the closet in their 30’s,40’s, 50’s… Do you really think these people would put themselves and their families through all the heartache associated with coming out in that situation if they could find some other way?
The decision you have to make (your choice) is at which point in your life are you going to accept yourself for who you are. Self-acceptance is not about telling anyone else, it is about accepting yourself for who you are. You can spend your life pretending to be someone else by having a heterosexual relationship for example, only to deal with it much later in life, just remember that the ‘internal boxing match’ continues, your thoughts around your innate sexuality versus your own thinking around who you believe you should be.
As you land the punches against what is innately you, your experience of life is going to be affected in a negative way. Just remember we are feeling our thinking in the moment, so your experience of your sexuality will be determined by your thinking about it, positive or negative. When you are battling against your innate sexuality you are creating a negative experience for yourself through your thinking, and this negative thinking goes onto affect your feelings and emotions in a negative way. Anxiety, worry, frustration, guilt and possibly anger are some of the feelings, and emotions that accompany the negative thinking around your sexuality, right?
As I mentioned earlier, being gay is not a choice, so there is nothing you can do about it, fighting back against who you are leads to a negative experience of life which you have control over. When you realise that your negative thinking around your innate sexuality is causing your negative feelings and emotions, it must be worth accepting yourself for who you are, perhaps it’s time to hang up your boxing gloves, call time out on the boxing match between what is innately you, and the way you believe you should be.
Be Proud – Be Who You Are
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Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you'd like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.