Having an understanding of how the inside-nature of thought works can help make relationships a lot more harmonious. The first thing to remember is that it’s not what your partner says or does that makes you feel the way you do about it because the system doesn’t work like that. You (and only you) are responsible for the way you feel, through your thinking about the situation.
To illustrate this in everyday life, let’s use the example of your partner not cleaning up after themselves. When you see the mess, it’s easy to have negative thinking around it, which in turn will create a negative feeling of annoyance or even anger inside. When you feel this building, your reaction to your partner might be negative. You may shout at them or say something uncomplimentary, which in turn is going to trigger a negative reaction within them. Ultimately, this exchange ends up in an argument. If you had spoken to them in a non-confrontational way then they would be more likely to listen to you and enter into a conversation about the issue.
When you have an understanding that your emotions and feelings are generated by thought, it is much easier to catch that negative emotion or feeling before it builds into something destructive. As soon as you sense the annoyance and anger building inside, you know it is your thinking doing this, so you can acknowledge it. Amazingly this process can stop it building further and establish a sense of calm within you. You are now in a much better place to enter a discussion with your partner because you have a clear mind and you are feeling calm. If you had let you annoyance or anger build, your head would be full of all sorts of untrustworthy thinking and you are likely to say things that will make the situation worse.
I’m sure you have all been in a situation where you have been annoyed or angry and said things to someone you don’t mean, which leads to you apologising later (when you realise you were out of order). The simple fact is that you can’t trust your thinking when you are in a low mood state, so avoiding it (or at least being aware of it) helps you when it comes to engaging with others.
Having the understanding that you create your experience of a situation through thought, can be enough for you to regain control of your thinking and emotions before they drive you into negative mood state. Also understanding that your thinking can not be trusted when you are in a low mood state is also useful in a relationships because you will be more inclined to leave a potentially explosive conversations until you are in a better state of mind and can deal with the situation in a compassionate way.
Just understanding how your thinking creates your experience of a situation and how moods affect your thinking can do wonders in developing a more harmonious relationship between you and your partner.
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Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you'd like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.