THEGAYUK

Tag: Coming Out

Read the latest news and advice on Coming Out as LGBT+.

  • OPINION | Is there a need to come out?

    Coming out as gay can be an apprehensive time of life. I’m sure most of you will be aware of that feeling of dread that becomes all-consuming when considering revealing your sexuality.

    What if people don’t accept it and your family disown you? What if you end up with no friends? Such questions spark a panic within, but then we take the plunge anyway with something along the lines of “Mum, Dad, I’m gay”. Should we have to come out though?

    My coming out was in a far less civilised manner than quietly announcing to my parents that I am gay. During an argument, my Dad asked me if I’m a queer. I shouted, “yes I f***ing am actually”. Drama ensued, but I won’t go into that right now for this is about the need to come out.

    The first time I began to debate this topic with myself was when I had not long come out. I spent weeks telling everyone I knew that I was gay and began to thrive on people’s reactions. But then one day one of my friends said “and…” when I excitedly told her I am gay. She could not care less. I was offended at the time as this was the first instance I had come across someone who didn’t react with excitement or horror to my big news. How dare she not be bothered, I thought. However, as it began to sink in I slowly realised that I actually appreciated her response. Being gay was not an issue to this person. She only cared about the person within; the heart and soul. I guess that is why I was her friend.

    From that moment I held back on telling people about my sexuality. I didn’t begin to hide it, but I would only talk about it if it was part of a conversation that involved discussing personal stuff. I considered the fact that I had not changed as a person and therefore it shouldn’t matter. Why should I be defined by my sexuality?

    That is how I carried on living my life until recently I began to change my opinion again. I have received a lot of press coverage recently due to organising my county’s first ever Pride event. I didn’t consider it at first, but the media coverage has been effectively outing me to the public. It made me feel slightly uncomfortable until I realised that it is probably a good thing for people to see a positive visible representation of a gay man in the paper or hear that on the radio, which brings me to answering the question; is there a need to come out?

    While not a profound need to reveal one’s sexuality, I do feel it is important to be visible. I am all for people having the right to keep their sexuality to themselves. That should be respected. But I do think it is important for people to open about their sexuality. It is only with increased visibility and openness that society and the world around us becomes a more tolerant place.

    If we didn’t have so many out people, would we be living in a generally tolerant society? I’m not sure that we would. With people remaining in the closet there would be no visibility. How can a society progress when it comes to something that can’t be seen? Of course, I’m looking at the bigger picture, but I see it as vital to always consider the bigger picture. To bring it down to a basic level and look at whether there is a need to come out to friends and family, then I think there is… for now.

    We still live in a world where everyone is assumed to be straight unless informed otherwise. Personally, I feel there is a need to come out if you are to have an open relationship with those close to you. How can there be a fruitful family relationship or friendship if a significant part of your being is kept a secret?

    Ultimately I believe in individual choice and people having the freedom to come out or not come out on their own terms. Surely the world would be a better place if everyone was out, though.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Coming Out of the Broom Closest

    I’ve come out of two closets in my life. First through the rainbow-coloured door – coming out as gay. Then out of the broom closet – coming out as pagan.

    Every time I’ve come out as pagan, I get asked the same sort of questions. Here are some of those questions and my responses:

    What is it all about?
    Paganism is a nature-based religion, so as a pagan I have a reverence for nature. Paganism has a dual aspect of divinity – meaning we have both a god and goddess.

    This god and goddess duality symbolises balance that can be seen in all aspects of the world and universe. We cannot have life without death, happy times without sad times, etc.

    Unlike most other religions we don’t have a bible or other book that tells us what to believe. What pagans believe is much more individual to them. But the two big focuses in paganism are nature and individual responsibility for our own actions and omissions.

    Paganism has values that encourage equality, respect for all living beings and empathy for others, so generally pagans are very accepting of gay people. Acts of love, pleasure and beauty are important to pagans regardless of the sexuality or gender of those involved.

    Do you worship the devil?
    No…we actually don’t believe in a devil.

    Do you have a Church?
    Nature is our church. Some of us like to worship, celebrate and practice on our own; whereas others like to get together with other pagans.

    Covens are closed groups of pagans usually consisting of a maximum of thirteen people. They have a High Priestess and a High Priest as leaders of their group, kind of like priests/vicars. Coven members will teach one another what they know, including the initiates (those new to paganism). Rituals, rites, magic, music and dance will all be taught within the closed coven circle.

    Pagan moots are much more open. They are open to anyone and usually held at local cafes or pubs. Some moot organisers will arrange for talks on a range of pagan topics such as: herbs, crystals, healing, ghosts/other spirits, etc. Organisers usually ask for a donation or minimal charge to attend these fascinating talks.

    Is magic like that on Charmed? Or like Willow on Buffy The Vampire Slayer does?
    No…sorry. But it can be equally effective – it just works in a different way.

    Imagine I cast a Spell for money. Money won’t magically appear. But I might see a job that I can apply for that’s better paid than the one I’m doing.

    Just because I’ve cast the Spell, doesn’t mean the job is automatically mine! I still have to apply for the job, go to the interview and WOW the interviewers. I have to work hard to achieve my goals – like everyone else.

    What’s the difference between a Pagan, a Wiccan and a Druid?
    Paganism is a broad term to describe lots of different paths that have the same principle beliefs. Wicca, Druidism and others paths may have slightly different practices but share the same principle beliefs and are therefore are all encompassed under the term paganism.

    Think of it in terms of Christianity. Christianity is the over-arching term, but within that you have the Church of England, the Roman Catholic Church and many others all with the same principle beliefs but with slightly different practices.

    So you don’t celebrate Christmas?
    We have our own holidays, many of which coincide with Christian holidays. But our big celebration is Samhain or Halloween, which to pagans is like Christmas and New Year rolled into one.

    We are all individuals. Personally I celebrate Christmas with my family, because they do and because it’s a positive time for all. It’s the one time of year my family takes the time out to spend precious time together, to eat, drink and be merry – oh and of course there’s the presents!

    Where can I learn more?
    The best gay pagan book I’ve come across is Gay Witchcraft by Christopher Penczak. Christopher Penczak is a pagan gay man who wrote this for gay men. It even has a section on gay deities.

    Other non-gay books I’ve learned a lot about paganism from are: The Real Witches’ Handbook by Kate West, Elements of Witchcraft by Ellen Dugan,Witchcraft: Theory and Practice by Le De Angeles and Everyday Magic by Dorothy Morrison. There’s also a myriad of information on the internet –just do a Google search.

  • Wentworth Miller comes out as gay

    Actor and screenwriter, Wentworth Miller, best known for his role in hit US drama series Prison Break has come out as a gay man in support of the LGBT community in Russia.

    CREDIT: Depositphotos

    The actor posted an open letter on the GLADD website to the St Petersburg Film Festival organisers saying he was declining the invitation to be the guest of honour because “The situation [in Russia] is in no way acceptable, and I cannot in good conscience participate in a celebratory occasion hosted by a country where people like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly”.

    The letter not only further highlights the current issues in Russia faced by the LBGT community, but also serves as a massive boost to them by sending them a clear and strong message of support.

    GLAAD spokesperson Wilson Cruz added “As people from across the globe continue to speak out against Russia’s horrific law, more celebrities and corporations should follow his courageous lead in openly condemning Russia’s anti-LGBT law.”

    Wentworth Miller’s full letter reads:

    August 21, 2013

    Re: St. Petersburg International Film Festival / “Guest of Honor” Invitation

    Dear Ms. Averbakh:

    Thank you for your kind invitation. As someone who has enjoyed visiting Russia in the past and can also claim a degree of Russian ancestry, it would make me happy to say yes.

    However, as a gay man, I must decline.

    I am deeply troubled by the current attitude toward and treatment of gay men and women by the Russian government. The situation is in no way acceptable, and I cannot in good conscience participate in a celebratory occasion hosted by a country where people like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly.

    Perhaps, when and if circumstances improve, I’ll be free to make a different choice.

    Until then.

    Wentworth Miller

    Member, HRC

    Member, GLAAD

    Member, The ManKind Project

  • OPINION | Wrestling With Sexuality

    Professional wrestler Darren Young has come out, instead of a carefully worded and sensitive confessional style interview, he did this during an on the spot chat with TMZ while collecting his luggage.

    When asked if an openly gay wrestler could be successful in the WWE, he replied: “Absolutely, absolutely! Look at me. I’m a WWE Superstar, and to be honest with you I’m gay. And I’m happy, very happy.”

    He remarked that he was unconcerned with how it would be perceived and it shouldn’t change a thing.

    By choosing to come out he has become the first openly gay wrestler in the WWE.

    Darren Young is currently one half of the tag team, the Prime Time Players with Titus O’Neil. The team’s intro track and music refers them as committed and serious athletes in pursuit of wealth and status. On Young’s Twitter account it states his life “revolves around three things — Money, Women and Wrestling.”

    It’s not unusual for a gay man to portray an overtly heterosexual man, look at Neil Patrick Harris in “How I Met Your Mother” or Jeremy Sheffield in “Hollyoaks”.

    How this will play into the WWE storylines remains to be seen.

    The WWE has issued an official statement saying that they are proud of Darren Young for being so open about his sexuality and pledged to support him as a WWE superstar. Fellow wrestler John Cena has also publically backed him. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon have also tweeted messages of support.

    It would not be the first time a wrestler has come out, Chris Kanyon had previously been active within the WWE but was released from his contract due to a string of injuries and relapses. During a promotional activity, he began telling people that he was fired from the WWE for being gay. He later admitted he had only completed the interviews as a publicity stunt. In his autobiography, he later admitted that he was gay. Sadly Kanyon also suffered from bi-polar disorder and later committed suicide, using anti-depressants in 2010.

    Looking over the entire industry and WWE’s brand of sport entertainment, it feels like a bold move. The focus of wrestling is combat based testosterone feuds. How a gay man plays into this as an equal remains to be seen. However with an increasingly viable presence of LGBT characters in films, television and comic books it feels important.

    Looking at it from a professional athletics perspective, role models are necessary to make the move towards equality. Gareth Thomas, Robbie Rogers and John Amaechi all came out after they had retired.

    Darren Young is a true inspiration; he is involved with anti-bullying initiatives and promoting diversity. He is a man at the prime of his career refusing to hide who he is and carrying on doing what he loves in life.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Closets are for clothes

    “What have you done today to make you feel proud?” Heather Small

    Today I was able to kiss my partner in public and for that, I am proud. I am proud to live in a society where being part of the LGBT community is accepted and I am able to express my feelings for a member of the same sex openly without judgement.

    The Stonewall riot of 1969 in New York City inspired and motivated members of the LGBT community to fight for equality. The gay liberation movement encouraged people to accept and announce their sexuality and has influenced celebration for years to come in the form of Pride Parades.

    Since this time the LGBT community has grown and although the fight for equality still continues we are still further that we were over forty years ago. Although something simple such as showing my partner affection in public may seem small, it stems for years of struggle and fighting for recognition and acceptance.

    I have openly admitted to my parents that I was gay. At a New Year party my Mother looked at me and said,

    “So, I see your in a relationship on Facebook. Who is he?”

    For years I had been dancing and thought no one was watching. In theory, everyone had been watching and they were waiting for was for me to discuss the matter.

    “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” RuPaul

    Although my Nan still refers to my boyfriend as my ‘special friend’ I still know that I have support from my family and friends in terms of my sexuality. I am proud of them for being open minded and accepting.

    Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if my Mother had never questioned my relationship status. Would I have been strong enough to recognise that the closet is just for clothes?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • News: Two In Stooshe Come Out As Gay

    Two Members of Stooshe Come Out.

    Two members of all-girl band Stooshe have officially come out this morning on Gaydio, During ‘Your Gayest Moments’ on Chris and Emma’s morning show.

    During the segment, Chris Holliday said to Courtney Rumbold, who is already out, “You wanted to be the only gay in the band.’

    Which was greeted by one of the girls saying,

    ‘She’s not’ and Alexandra Buggs came out on the radio station.

    Emma asked whether the girls were looking for love the Stooshe girls replied that they weren’t but happy with their relationship status!

    Stooshe became popular after their song ‘Blackheart’ reached number 4 in 2012.

    Gaydio is one of the UK’s biggest gay-focused radio station, which broadcasts daily from Manchester.

    TheGayUK called Stooshe’s label to confirm the story, however they have yet to respond.

     

     

  • Clive Davis Comes Out As Bisexual In New Memoir

    Clive Davis Comes Out As Bisexual In New Memoir

    The legendary music mogul behind Whitney Houston and Kelly Clarkson has spoken for the first time about being in monogamous relationships with men for the past two decades.

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  • Stonewall Releases “So You Think Your Child Is Gay” Guide

    Stonewall today publishes a guide for parents who think their child might be lesbian, gay or bisexual.

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  • Matt Dallas Of “KYLE XY” Comes Out With Twit Pic Of Fiancé

    American actor Matt Dallas, best known for his role as the navel-less Kyle from the ABC Drama Kyle XY, publicly came out yesterday by tweeting a picture of his new fiancé.

    Matt Dallas who has nearly 50,000 followers on Twitter wrote on the mini social networking site,

    “Starting off the year with a new fiancé, @bluehamilton. A great way to kick off 2013!”

    The couple had previously been seen together picking some take-out three year ago JustJared.com reports

  • COLUMN: Deep Down

    COLUMN: Deep Down

    In September we talked about “Coming Out” on TheGayUk.

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  • COLUMN: Two Glasses Of Water And A Gay Mag

    Hark back to the summer of 2003 and what do you recall? The scorching Indian summer? Beyoncé’s ‘Crazy In Love’ blasting out of every radio, Topshop, hair salon and car stereo?

     

    Me? Well, I was fresh out of college with the usual aspirations of world domination. The comedown from the heady student days was starting to kick in. My newfound residency at the dole queue was another bone of contention. My battle with my sexuality was nearing a denouement. After all the soul searching and pathetic, half arsed attempts at being a Hetty, I had as good as conceded a blissful, euphoric defeat to queerness.

     

    It was time to take the plunge, albeit gradually. At the time I was spending a summer of discontent in Dublin dossing around with my best mate and the hot straight guy from college I was convinced I could turn. There comes a time in every novice Homo’s life when they have to take that rite of passage. No not that one… Thats another story… The other one. Yes, your first visit to a gay bar. Funnily enough the song of the same name by Electric Six was a hit at the time. Sang to me at regular intervals by the hot straight guy from college I was convinced I could turn.

    The pub in question for me was the granddaddy of them all on the Dublin gay scene -THE GEORGE!

     

    Located in Central Dublin, I had often walked by and stared at it’s alluring, purple exterior. In the back of my mind noting that sooner or later, I would tentatively mince through it’s purple doors. And it was to be sooner. Bored and skint, me and my best friend and future hag had decided to go. One drink, that was it. Walk in, have a look around, absorb it all, the faces, smells. I wasn’t expecting to pull, I probably would’ve run a mile had I been approached.

     

    It was a gorgeous, bright Dublin evening, of the type you can just get lost in. I didn’t worry about what to wear. It was a whistle stop visit after all. I settled on a a tight, casual green top from what I can remember, that would extenuate the appalling farmers tan I had accumulated that summer and the obligatory pair of jeans. Every strand of hair was lubricated and gelled to within an inch of its life.

     

    My stomach spoke of pure terror. I walked briskly through the inner city streets, talking a mile a minute to disguise how tense I was feeling. It wasn’t all one way though. There were overwhelming pangs of excitement. All these feelings danced and collided together with such a life affirming gush. Time to taste the rainbow.

     

    The closer we were getting to The George, that stupid feeling of naïve terror persisted to tease me. What was so terrifying? It’s the realisation and culmination of it all. We’ve all been there. Wrestle and grapple with al those feelings. Taking that great leap of faith. I wasn’t blessed with much confidence back then. I envy the younger generation of confident and relaxed gay youths with their heads seemingly screwed on.

     

    The purple cauldron of The George was just in sight as we waited at the traffic lights on Dame Street. We arrived. No fanfare, no epic Europop anthem to soundtrack it all.

    I was the youngest thing in there. I could feel every stare and every head that turned. Unbeknown to me at the time, this was the part of the bar frequented by the older clientele. Granted, there were a few relics propping up the bar, there was only a a very small band of people in there. Less than 10 I think, including the bar staff.

     

    Of course my best friend and I hadn’t a pot to piss in at the time. I was mortified walking up to the bar and ordering two glasses of water. The look he gave me. So no money to even grab a pint to knock back and neutralise the anxiety and self consciousness.

     

    Admittedly it was flattering to get those few, paltry stares. All those older eyes must’ve seen so may awkward new pretenders come and go over the years. And here I was. All scrawny body, farmers tan and badly manicured Craig David beard.

     

    We sat in a quiet corner, as you do, sipped our waters and looked around. Absorbed. Took it all in. Sitting in a gay bar in Dublin, knocking back a glass of water. Talk about living the dream. I laugh now. At the time I felt like I’d scaled Everest and erased world poverty.

    There was nothing to see. I don’t even know what I wanted to see. I just knew I wanted to be there. Even if there was only a handful of people clutching cigarettes and drinks, sheltered from the impending July dusk.

     

    We didn’t do much the pair of us. I went for a piss intending to make eye contact with everyone, to let them know I was here. On the way back from the toilet I did the same thing. We then found ourselves transfixed by a couple snogging the faces off each other. We tried not to look, but when we did, we giggled incessantly like two schoolgirls. My mate’s face was priceless.

    We finished our waters, grabbed a tonne of free gay listings mags and left. A bit of an anti climax but a worthy one. As I laughed my way through the sunlit streets of Dublin, I knew I’d be back. Keep me seat, mine’s a water.