The use of Truvada as a prophylactic medication has awakened a rage of discussion and controversy.
(C) marcbruxel Depositphotos
In Europe, the discussion is not that heated yet, but in the US, it is already on fire. Last year, the president of the AIDS Healthcare Foundation wrote an article in New York Times about Truvada, and that caught my interest. He was advocating against Truvada. It made me wonder, why are people for or against a medication like this?
I decided to do a little âresearchâ, and browsed through numerous articles and discussions about the expanded use of a medication such as Truvada.
What I found in numerous comments was that, stigma and judgment are well positioned and in place, and that is a shame. Stigma and judgment will not bring anything good to the table. There are already two camps that developed â those who are for using Truvada and those who are against it or do not want anyone to use it.
Since the discovery of HIV, we have been dreaming about a vaccine or an effective treatment.
Right from the beginning, large amounts of resources have been deployed to find a cure and to find a vaccine. However, we soon understood that neither a cure nor a vaccine would be found overnight. We have never given up hope though, and today, there are several companies and different entities that specialise in such research.
I believe that in 10 or 20 years, we will either have a new form of effective treatment or a vaccine. But, how are we going to react? I know Truvada is not a vaccine. Itâs actually not a new drug. It was discovered in 2004, but has always been used only for the treatment of HIV â until now.
So, what is wrong or good with Truvada?
Those who advocate for it say that it is a sort of a revolution in the prevention of HIV. You take a tablet each day, and you sorted out (well, sort of). Those opposing Truvada say that it does not protect you from other STDs, and, if not taken properly, not only will it not fully protect, it also gives you false security.
People may ask you, what do you think? How to respond to a question like this?
âYou know, I do not like condoms, and I will never use them. But I am willing to use Truvada, and it is something I actually believe in. What do you think?â
How should one respond to such a question? Advocate for the use of condoms, just for the sake of it, or recommend Truvada on its own, or together with condoms?
Questions likes these, related to the use of Truvada, will appear and challenge us, more and more in the coming years. I am sure there will be several more medications approved for prophylactic use, and, at the ultimate moment, the emergence of a vaccine will occur. I suppose a vaccine for HIV is a dream of many; just a single shot and you never get HIV. Sounds great? A vaccine will, again, protect us from HIV only, not from other STDs.
So, are we going to be willing to give the vaccine to everyone, even if it would mean a widespread drop in the use of condoms?
by JZ
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
This morning I discovered not one but two new followers on twitter that were both fitness instructors, one was a supposed celebrity instructor and the other one from what I could gather was specifically for the gay community.
It made me take note a bit because when Iâm going through my twitter feed I am inundated with images of delicious food which in itself makes me constantly hungry and reminds me that I wish I could spend all of my time in the kitchen, cooking, eating, writing and entertaining. Unfortunately like a lot of us foodie bloggers I have a full time job so this is just not a viable option not yet anyway. Intertwined with all these images of food are images of equally delicious men, all bronzed, toned, bulging in the right places with teeth gleamingly white as snow. Itâs my own fault, I follow these feeds so I only have myself to blame. Some are celebrities, some are photographers, and then there are the underwear companies, gay magazines, swimwear sites, other aesthetically pleasing fitness instructors, actors, singers and even the odd porn star. Please note that I only followed them, the porn stars that is, just because they followed me and itâs courteous to do so on twitter, is it not? As far as Iâm aware Iâm not being followed by any celebrities that I know of.
In theory, my obsession with food should make me obese or at the very least in that slightly lower category of just fat or the even more polite arena of âyouâve put on a few poundsâ, as my best friend not so long ago told me. I most certainly should be on the Katie Hopkins hit list and be told that I need to âeat less and move moreâ. The fact is that I do eat an awful lot of food. I eat obviously at home, I also eat out a lot, I entertain at dinner parties, have friends over for breakfasts, host supper clubs, test recipes, bake cakes, eat biscuits, review cookbooks, attend launches, the list seems endless with one common denominator, food.
I would love to have a toned rippling body but I just donât have the time, no really I donât, I donât live near a gym so it would take me forty minutes to get to one, add that to a minimum of an hour in the gym then you are talking two and a half hoursâ worth of my day, itâs just not going to happen. Ideally what Iâd like is one those fitness instructors to knock on my door, I will be ready in my gym gear, he can have an hourâs worth of my time at times to suit me five times a week for the next eight weeks and then by all means he can photograph me âbeforeâ and âafterâ and prove that it can be done.
I donât need the nutritional advice stuff, I know all that I just need the workout. I have no doubt it can be achieved but then after those eight weeks what happens? Rest assured no doubt my fitness instructor will issue me with a daily twenty minute routine I can do in my own home without the need to go to a gym, only one problem here, I used to enjoy getting ready to get sweaty with my fitness instructor, Iâm unlikely to motivate myself to do sit ups, push ups and weights on my own in my bedroom with two cats a dog running around my feet when Iâd rather be watching Mary Berry on TV saying to myself âthose hands are not going to whisk much longerâ or planning my next ten course supper club the theme of which could be âHow to lose those love handles and still eat wellâ featuring a course from all the latest health guru cookbooks like Deliciously Ella, Eat Nourish Glow or the annoyingly beautiful mother and daughter team whose recipes are all the vogue these days, Hemsley and Hemsley. I wonât go there with my opinions on the model turn cook brigade.
I do exercise, I walk most places and run a few times a week and I am on my feet more often than not, granted a lot of the time with a glass of wine in my hand but standing up still counts as calorie burning in my world. I can safely say that the main reason Iâm not overweight is that I eat in moderation, I always cook from fresh, never eat processed foods, never touch anything with artificial sweeteners in, never calorie count, never diet, I listen to my body and I understand food. When itâs coming up for my holidays and I need to look reasonably alright in my swimwear (not speedoâs, thatâs another debate) I will cut out the carbs a bit and eat less sugars. I am happy, happy with myself, happy with the way I look, happy with my boyfriend and he is happy with me. Iâm not depressed that I will never have a six pack, the time and effort getting one must be extremely satisfying if thatâs your thing. Iâd much rather my time and energy went on my hobby of food.
However on a final note I was wondering if I could cut a deal with any of my fitness instructor followers.
You knock at my door five times a week so we can get sweaty together and Iâll provide you with a perfect nutritionally balanced meal to take away with you every visit? Get in touch.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
We invited each of the major political parties to create an OP ED telling our readers why they thought it was important for the LGBT community to vote for their party. In the first of these columns the Conservatives’ Nick Boles, the Minister of State for Skills and Equalities, gives his top 10 reasons to vote Conservative.
Equal opportunity, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, is at the heart of the Conservative Party. Our commitment to promoting and protecting the rights of LGBT people is absolute – I am proud of our record so far, but Iâm always mindful that there is more to do. Hereâs why I think THEGAYUKÂ readers should vote Conservative:
The right plan for Britain. Like everyone else, LGBT people value the security of work, a good home, and strong public services. We have the right plan that is creating more jobs and helping people get on the housing ladder, whilst increasing spending on the NHS: We have pledged an additional ÂŁ8bn, which is only possible because we have created a strong economy.
Strong leadership, home and abroad. David Cameron offers the strong leadership our country needs. He stood up for LGBT rights and marriage equality: He knew it was right, and he led from the front. I admire that.
The right team: Under David Cameron, the Conservative party is modern and inclusive. In the last parliament, the Conservatives had more LGBT MPs than all the other parties put together. We will always value diversity: 14 percent of our new candidates are from BME backgrounds, and a third of new candidates in seats we already hold are women.
Marriage Equality. We have introduced civil marriage equality by giving same-sex couples the same opportunity to get married. As Conservatives we believe in freedom and supporting people who make a commitment to each other.
Correcting past wrongs. We have already made it possible for gay men with historic criminal records for consensual gay sex to apply to have these records deleted. Our manifesto sets out plans for a new law to lift the blight of all such outdated past convictions based on the pardon given to Alan Turing.
Harsher penalties for hate crimes. Weâve ensured people who murder transgender people in hate crime attacks now face life sentences. We will now look at extending hate crime laws to cover crimes committed against people on the basis of disability, sexual orientation or transgender identity.
Tackling homophobia in schools and sport. We have invested ÂŁ2 million in schools to help them tackle homophobic bullying and launched a Sports Charter to stamp out homophobia and transphobia in sport.
The UK is now number one in Europe for LGBT rights. Under our government, the âRainbow Europeâ survey conducted by ILGA Europe has ranked the UK number one for LGBT rights for the third year in a row.
Promoting LGBT rights overseas. We will continue to challenge anti-LGBT laws overseas, and we have a track-record of leading from the very top on this: David Cameron has personally raised concerns with President Putin, whilst UK Embassies abroad now support human rights organisations campaigning to change laws and social attitudes. We have also stopped the deportation of asylum seekers facing homophobic persecution.
We value LGBT people for who they are. We are committed to equality, but no-one should be defined purely by their sexuality or gender identity. Our plan is for a stronger economy and security for all â and a country where everyone is free to be who they are and to be given the respect they deserve.
The ideas and any voting intention expressed in this column are those of the writer and may not necessarily represent TheGayUK.com.
The Greens, Lib Dems, Labour and UKIP were invited to create content for THEGAYUK
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Bridgend in South Wales seems to be enjoying a bit of a heatwave as I make my way to meet Russ Hughes, the photographer and creator of the Boys of Bridgend for a chat about the upcoming 2016 calendar. Well, it might not be a heatwave but itâs definitely warmer than usual for April and things are about to get a whole lot hotter as heâs promised to bring along one of this yearâs new recruits for a chat. There are definitely worse ways to spend an afternoon.
I arrive to catch the tail end of an ongoing shoot, though I seem to have missed the opportunity for naked men with this one. Itâs a young woman getting head shots for a portfolio, Iâm informed. As she leaves, in walks Rhys, one of the calendars newest recruits who I can only describe as ‘traditionally beautiful’. Even fully dressed you can see that he is in splendid shape with his boyish good looks and cheeky smile. I’m impressed. If this is a taster of what is to come with the new calendar then pulses are set to race the world over.
We sit, drinks are poured and our chat begins. Iâm interested to know how the Boys of Bridgend began. Unlike other calendars on the market, the guys who feature here arenât part of a collective group or team and while some of them have known each other for a long time, the only solid connection that seems to bring them all together is that they all hail from this small Welsh town. So I begin by asking Russ how it all came to be.
âIâm asked on a regular basis to do charity work, be it donating shoots as prizes or shooting charity events, but I wanted to do something more to help, so one day I hit on the idea of a calendar and it all went from there. Iâd never done anything like it before and I had no idea about the amount of work that it needed, but once I set my mind to it there was no stopping me. I just had to work out who to shoot, where to shoot, how to fund it and how to get it made on a tiny budget. I also set myself a timescale of 3 months to get it all done. Now that I know what I know, that seems insane, but I went into it a bit naĂŻve and looking for a challenge and I definitely set myself one.â
Russ Hughes/Boys Of Bridgend
The 2015 calendar went on to be a big success, selling in over 35 countries, so it seems that it was a challenge that he managed to overcome, but what about the process of making it. How did it get off the ground?
âIâd love to say that it was plain sailing but it seemed like we hit brick walls at every turn. On the day of the very first shoot the model text me to say he was pulling out. I think heâd spent too long overthinking it and had talked himself out of it by the time the shoot day came. We were already miles behind schedule and I was panicking like you wouldnât believe. I text one of the other guys who finished work and drove over, so we at least got the shoot done, but we were still a guy short. By the time we had completed all 12 shoots we had lost a further 2 guys who then had to be replaced, and we were still behind schedule. Aside from the shoot problems, we also had trouble finding funding to even get it printed. Companies just weren’t interested. In the back of my mind I was worried that I would be left with hundreds of pictures but no calendar to put them in. I ended up paying over half of the printing costs myself just to make sure that it was made and nobody ended up disappointed.â
Youâve been teasing us on social media with snippets from this yearâs calendar, which is very obviously different from what weâve seen before, so what sparked the change?
âThereâs a couple of reasons, really, but mostly because of how well the last calendar did. We always thought that we would sell a couple of copies locally, raise some money for the charity and that would be that, but it went down a storm and people were buying it from all over the world. It was obviously a winning formula so changing that this year is a bit of a risky move, but we donât want to get complacent, either. We did it one way and it worked well, so now we want to test the water and give everyone something different. People who have already bought the calendar already have lots of black and white images of naked men in the Bridgend countryside, so if and when they decide to buy the new calendar we will be giving them something completely different for their money so it wonât seem like theyâve paid for the same thing twice. Weâve put out teasers on Facebook and Twitter which have had a really positive response, which is brilliant, but just like last year, you havenât seen anything yet. The final calendar images are still under lock and key and have been seen by nobody.â
âKeeping things fresh and new is what we want to do, and we really have changed everything. The theme of the calendar is completely different, weâve got a bunch of new guys and weâve also changed the charity we will be supporting this year as well.â
Russ Hughes/Boys Of Bridgend
Money raised from the 2015 calendar went on to support the Everyman Appeal, which benefits men who suffer from testicular and prostate cancer, while money from the 2016 calendar will go towards the Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation. How did that partnership come about?
âThe guys over at the StandUp Foundation have been amazing. Really, truly amazing. We have had such a great response from fans and we really want to be as interactive as possible, so when work started on the new calendar we put it to our supporters for them to suggest charities that they would like to see us donate to. The response was incredible and there were lots of worthwhile charities thrown into the mix, but the one that came up over and over was the StandUp Foundation, so it was a no brainer for us. We contacted them to explain who we are and what we do and within an hour they were on the phone to us to get it in place and they have been fantastic ever since. The work they do, especially within the LGBT community has been so brilliant and the fact that we can help them is amazing. Itâs like weâve come full circle. Itâs no secret that if it werenât for the LGBT community the first calendar would have been nowhere near the success that it was. They really took us to their hearts and gave us sales all over the world. I love the fact that we can now give back to them in some way by supporting a charity that does so much work, both here in the UK and elsewhere in the world, to tackle homophobia. If we can make one personsâ life a little easier through sales of this calendar then we will have done something worthwhile.â
âIt really is an amazing charity,â adds Rhys. âI do a lot of charity work but Iâm especially proud to be supporting the StandUp Foundation. What this charity is striving to achieve and already have achieved is a massive boost for not just the youth but people of all ages. No-one should have to grow up being bullied or feeling ashamed. It’s bad enough to witness it let alone being the one on the receiving end of it, so the message the charity is sending out is such an important one. We all need to stand up and hopefully we can encourage more people to acknowledge what is going on and do more to help stop it.â
And it was just those sort of prejudices that put another spanner in the works for the boys this year which could have seen them have to cancel the 2016 calendar altogether.
âYeah, it was a really sh**y time, actually. After the success of the last calendar we had companies actually approaching us wanting to help fund the next one, which was a big relief for us. When I had a meeting with them to discuss the new theme and charity our biggest sponsor decided to pull out. He didnât want his company to be seen to be supporting LGBT causes as he thought the association would be detrimental, and so that was that. We didnât try to persuade him as thatâs not the kind of attitude that we want to be associated with, either, so we were happy to part ways but it left us with a big hole to cover our printing costs. We decided to dip our toe into Crowdfunding to see if that would help and luckily we have ourselves some amazing supporters because we hit our target in 8 days. How amazing is that? All our former sponsor did was confirm the fact that we were supporting the right charity this year, and once again the LGTB community came through for us when we really needed it.”
I was keen to know how Rhys, a 24 year old support worker, found himself signing up to appear in the latest calendar. Was there any sort of audition process or did you manage to just win them over with your looks? (Cue lots of blushing)
âIâll have to leave all the ladies and gentlemen decide about my looks I think. I just saw an advert that was posted way back in January to say they were looking for guys for the new calendar so I thought I would give it a go and sent over some pictures. They asked some questions about me, I think to make sure I would be comfortable getting my kit off, and about my job and age, stuff like that, and then it all sort of went from there. It all happened pretty quickly, really. Iâve done a lot of charity work in the past, though nothing like this, but I am up for anything so I figured Iâd give it a go and itâs been great.”
And what about the shoot? You didnât have to get naked in the great outdoors like last yearâs recruits, but how did you find the overall process of it?
âIt was actually a really great experience, to be honest. Shooting with the props was really funny. That was probably my favourite part of the shoot because we had a good laugh doing it. Russ helped me to settle in really quickly and we just got in with it. I wasnât nervous or shy but I wasnât sure how I would take to doing the poses. When you see photo shoots they always look great but you never realise how awkward it can feel because itâs not something you naturally do, but Russ was happy with what we got so I left feeling confident that it went well.â
All of the guys from this year are being kept firmly under wraps, so has it been difficult to keep the secret about what youâre doing? Does anyone know?
“I checked with Russ and then told my parents, brother and my partner. I think I will probably get a bit of a ribbing from the boys I play football with when they find out, especially when they see some of the shots we took, but they will know itâs for a good cause so it will all be in good fun. My family thought it was hilarious but theyâre really proud of me for doing it.”
So whatâs next then? Calendar buying time is still a few months away but youâre all still hard at work. What can we expect to see from you over the coming months?
âWe donât want to take anyone or anything for granted. Weâre trying really hard to be as interactive as possible and get amongst our followers and supporters, so weâre on Twitter and Facebook every day chatting with people and keeping everyone up to date. Itâs important to us that we build connections with people rather than disappear for eight months of the year and then come begging when we have something to sell. We want to be approachable and friendly and not just be salesmen. Weâre constantly thinking up ways to bring content to people and we release new teaser images all the time to show people what weâre doing. Weâre hoping to be able to get out on the road this summer and go to some local Prideâs so if anyone wants to see us, get in touch. Weâve got a big reveal coming shortly where everyone will finally get to see all the guys from the new calendar for the first time and loads more merchandise coming out as well so if the calendar isnât enough, youâll soon be able to buy clothes, keyrings, mugs and loads of other stuff, with money from all sales going to the charity. Weâve also been working on video content, some of which you can see already on YouTube, with more to be released throughout the year. Itâs going to be a busy few months. Bigger and Better. Thatâs what we keep telling everyone.
As we are coming up to International Womenâs Day Broken Rainbow UK would like to discuss the on-going issue in contemporary society of the female perpetrator and how we come to terms with her existence.
For many this is an uncomfortable conversation to have, but having it does not undermine the decades of work by feminist movements in raising awareness of menâs violence against women. Talking about the issue doesnât mean that domestic violence isnât overwhelmingly a gendered issue, but what it does mean is that the conversation needs to be broader and the support in place more inclusive.
For too long we appear to have been convinced domestic violence and abuse can only occur between a man and a woman in a heterosexual relationship and it is high time we try and understand that women in same-sex relationships can be as violent and abusive as their male counterparts.
Following the sentencing of the mother of the killed eight-year-old girl Ayesha Ali and her partner this week, it has become very clear just how the female perpetrator is described as someone âpossessedâ or âacting like a witchâ rather than an individual who has committed a crime.
This in many ways belittles the violent act committed by these two women and also makes a very complex and traumatic series of events, into a very simplified and one-sided narrative.
It is clear that the child and the mother were both subject to systematic domestic abuse and violence by the motherâs partner. The mother in this situation must be understood as simultaneously a victim and perpetrator of violence.
As an LGBT confidential helpline for victims and perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse Broken Rainbow supports many female perpetrators of violence and we are aware of the complexity of the situation and the constant silencing of the issue.
We need to start recognising that just as heterosexual men can be violent and abusive, so can women, and that these acts are not âsupernaturalâ but in fact sadly form part of many peopleâs every day life, heterosexual as well as LGBT. Embracing a traditional narrative about domestic violence, that women are victims of male violence, doesnât just mean that same sex violence falls through the cracks. It also means that children like Ayesha living in abusive households with same sex parents stand a much better chance of survival.
It is, however, very important that you start to engage your dad mode in the months leading up to being a real daddy. No matter how many fatherhood books or dad guides you read, nobody is ever really fully prepared for what is to come with having a new baby. It is true that much of the enjoyment from parenting is learning from your mistakes, which in turn, makes you an even better parent, but this being said, there are certain things that are better off knowing before you dive head first into parenting.
Below I have listed 8 top tips regarding the âDos and Donâtsâ of being a first-time daddy:
Number one, and maybe most importantly, donât forget to record everything in the early years. I donât mean buy an expensive video camera and film your little one 24/7, I just mean make a permanent memory of anything that is significant to you, such as first steps, first tooth etc.
Many dads actually blog about their fatherhood experience, so if you really wanted to document everything about your babyâ first years you could think about writing it all up or video blogging. To get an idea of how it works check out Cisions top UK Daddy Blogs.
Donât ever, and I mean ever, change a nappy without suitable protection for both the surroundings and yourself! Babies have a tendency to hold just a little bit of wee in, just to surprise you when you start to change their nappy. So unless you want to be covered in your little oneâs urine, I would suggest preparing beforehand.
This being said, I would recommend taking a nappy changing bag everywhere you go, as you never really know when your little one will need to go! iCandy actually do Man Bags for dads that need something stylish and convenient to carry everything baby related around with them.
Donât ever take your eyes off them! This may sound silly, but once they start to crawl they can disappear in a second, so you could quite easily go to make a drink and come back to the baby playing their own game of hide and seek with you.
Donât ever wake a sleeping baby. Sleep is massively important to your babyâs development. Plus, I am sure you will realise when you become a full-time daddy that every second of their sleep is precious, due to the fact you get some peace and quiet yourself!
Donât turn into a panicked maniac if your little one happens to give themselves a little bump or scrape. By this I mean donât jump around and create a huge fuss, this is likely to scare your baby even more, and thus the hour long cries begin.
It is important to remember that even trips and falls go toward a baby’s mental and physical development. I would recommend being much more gentle and trying to calmly sooth your baby and reassure them as much as possible.
Do make sure you are constantly talking to your baby. It helps them develop in terms of speech, as well as helping to create a bond between your little one and you. WebMD have a really useful article for more information about how to talk to babies and what it does for their development.
Do set up a daily routine. It is always better, in my opinion, to have a daily routine for you and your baby. It helps your baby feel more stable and secure, and makes your life a whole lot easier, especially if you develop a regular bedtime.
Do let them explore. I know that many parents are extremely protective which is completely understandable, and normal, however, children, especially at a very young age need to explore the world (maybe just your front room). It is a huge learning curve for babies and massively improves the development of the mind as well as the physical aspect. Just make sure you are keeping an eye on them wherever they happen to wander off too.
Each of these points are things that I have picked up from my own experience as a dad, however, the last thing I would recommend is finding a suitable balance that is right for yourself. You may find that certain advice doesnât really suit you, and that is okay. As long as your own techniques are best for your little one, any parenting style is perfect.
Reckon bringing up a problem child, or even bringing up a campylobacter-riddled cactus curry, would be less tough than bringing up the topic of saucy gadgets with your boyf?! Here are some easy tips to get the conversation started while sidestepping the awks, choose a suitable toy once youâve had the talks, then use it together so successfully that your gent will soon be a proud loyalty cardholder at Toys âRâ Ass.
BRINGING UP THE SUBJECT
Take him down the aisle:Durex lubricants are stocked in most of the larger supermarkets, including Tesco and Sainsburyâs, where they can be found in the healthcare and bathroom section. Some branches also sell Durex sex accessories, such as the Little Devil Vibrating Cock Ring. When grabbing groceries with your chap, steer him towards the soaps and shower gels, and engineer a casual encounter with the slippery stuff, saying something like âI saw Durex sex toys being sold at the supermarket the other day â amazing what you can pick up with your bacon and baked beans these days! Mind you, I suppose stuff thatâs a bit of fun like that is pretty normal for most people these daysâŠâ
Depending on your blokeâs reaction, the chat may lead to you conveniently chucking a little something in the trolley there and then, to âgive it a whirl for a giggleâ. However, if you donât sense he feels comfortable nattering about nookie in public, you can bring the topic back up once youâre at home, knowing that 1) Youâve shown him that a well known, safe, reputable brand like Durex makes sex toys â a name heâll be reassuringly familiar with; and 2) Youâve warmed him to the idea of sex toys being normal, non-freaky things that are so commonly used and accepted that they can even be bought in Asda.
If you guys do your food shopping online, try adding a toy to the basket âby accidentâ. When it happens to âmistakenlyâ rock up in your delivery, you may as well see if it gets your rocks off, right..?
Open sesame:Alternatively, you could open a discussion by mentioning that you saw an advert for toys on the telly; watched a programme where they were mentioned; or read a related piece in a magazine or online. If you donât want to put your gent on the spot, you could email him a link to a blog, quiz, website or article asking âWhat do you reckon to this? Could be interesting to try?â, then talk about things in more detail later once heâs had time to mull over his thoughts and is prepared for the conversation.
Re-ass-sure his ass!: Many lads worry about their partners wanting to try toys because they presume it means thereâs something wrong or substandard about their sexual technique, that theyâre not sufficiently pleasing their partner âwithout helpâ, or that theyâre about to be somehow replaced by a piece of plastic or play second fiddle to a rubbery ring.
Reassure your fella that you want to enhance your relationship, and add an extra layer of enjoyment to the great raunchiness youâre both already revelling in. Try saying something along the lines of âI feel really confident and relaxed with you, and we gel so well together⊠so maybe youâd fancy trying something new with me?â, which frames the suggestion of experimentation as a privilege he should be flattered by, and a sign of trust. Be clear that you think playing with toys together will be an intimate experience youâll share as a couple, rather than a situation in which heâll lose your attention because youâre fixated on the feeling youâre getting from a gadget. Try presenting it as an adventure that can up his pleasure, not just yours – for example, by saying âI get the feeling you really like it when we X, so I was wondering if you might like me to treat you to Y toy to try with me?â
CHOOSING TOYS
Perform an ex-orcism: You might already own sex toys. But start your collection afresh with your man. Not only does this allow you to choose items that specifically suit you both, but it removes the icky idea that you might have used existing toys with a previous partner. No-one wants to play with a haunted haul that was once covered with an exâs ectoplasm!
Start small:Word to the wise â if your chap is nervy about trying toys, presenting him with a butt plug the size of a garden gnome may have him running for the hills and away from thrills! For beginners, look for non-intimidating, classy-looking items that donât have dimensions usually used by estate agents describing mansion gardens.
Heâs got that vibe: The most obvious toys for gay guys to use are butt plugs and anal beads â for rear-ly good stimulation, and cock rings like: Durex Play ULTRA Pleasure Ring (ÂŁ7.99) which help fellas gain and maintain stronger erections, and can also vibrate thrillingly against the wearerâs scrotum and/or a partnerâs body during penetration. However, donât automatically discount the idea of a little bullet vibrator like Durex Play Delight Vibrating Bullet (ÂŁ9.99) or even a slightly larger, ergonomically shaped vibe such as Durex Play Dream Sensual Massager (ÂŁ37.99). Not only do they feel amazing humming against the dick, ball-sack, and perineum, but theyâre also fantastic for body massage.
Smooth some scented oil or lube over your loverâs back, and tease out the knots in their shoulders and neck. This is a superbly chilled out, laid back, delicious way to take your babe to toyland for the first time; move the buzz down down down to XXX Town only once theyâre happily acquainted with the sensation.
Make a wishlist: Try setting up a private wishlist at an online erotic store, sending your partner an e-invite to join it, and taking it in turn to add items. This is a great way of learning about what your lover might like to sample, and gives him a chance to peruse the offerings in his own quiet time.
The nose knows:Alternatively, if youâd rather go to a store together to choose a plaything, which can be as hilarious, seductive or subtle a trip as you both want it to be â testing vibrators against your nose is a good indicator of how strong they will feel down below. You might look like a clown, but that can help break any tension â and it is certainly better than splashing your cash on some super-powered dick drill you later discover you need a hard hat, earplugs, and steel toe-capped boots to operate.
USING TOYS
Use a dom:⊠a condom, that is. If youâre inserting any toys inside one another, pop a rubber over the top first for convenient cleanup. Fear of mess can cause distress, but French letters plus lotsa lube can take that worry away. Make sure you change the Johnny in between uses if youâre both sharing the same gadget to avoid any cross-contamination issues with butt bacteria.
Bum note: Donât pop anything up anyoneâs bum-ba-lao that youâre not absolutely certain you can get out again â a trip to A&E to fish a pocket rocket out of your partnerâs southerly sex socket is not going to endear him to the concept of playthings! Make sure any anal toys you use have a flared base or a sturdy handle to make sure theyâre not going to barge their way too far up the anal canal.
Give it a rest:Make sure you mix a few âAll Boy, No Toyâ sex sessions into your repertoire. Even if you and your beau are both really getting off on your new gizmos, leave the bits ânâ bobs in the box now and again to regularly prove to him that he still blows your socks off and takes your quivering legs with âem all on his own.
Follow Alix on Twitter for sauciness, silliness, sexiness and naughty natterings: @AlixFox
Another letter to the editor of South Molton News, after an article appeared under the title Grave Turner (See below) in which gay people are called an aberration.
Sir I write by way of complaint and to express my disgust at your grossly distorted, bigoted, inaccurate and hateful article about homosexuality. Gay people are accustomed to reading drivel about them, from people who lack integrity and understanding. However, to find such an article written by what appears to be a patronising, bigoted old git, in what I can only describe as a second-rate rag, offends and concerns me deeply.
In the âarticleâ (and I use the term loosely), it is claimed that the Human Rights legislation âhas been used to overturn well founded taboos that have, hitherto, stood the test of time over many generations.â Does this include the right to life? The right not to be thrown in jail for non payment of a debt? The right to freedom of expression, so that mutton-headed cretins can express their ill-conceived, vile views to other people? In point of fact, the Human Rights Act had not come into force when, in 1967, the then Conservative government decriminalised sexual âactsâ between two consenting men. Indeed, the aforementioned legislation makes no direct and specific mention to homosexuality.
The âarticleâ is based upon the nonsense of antiquity. Such rubbish has long since been discarded by more enlightened thinkers. Perhaps you consider we should go back in time to antiquity:- In 1102, the Council of London (Roman Catholic church council of the church in England) took measures to ensure that the English public knew that homosexuality was sinful. In 1533 King Henry VIII passed the Buggery Act making all male-male sexual activity punishable by death. I feel certain we all know of Henryâs attitude towards his wives. Perhaps you would still prefer to have gay people hanged. It has only been men who were persecuted (remember Oscar Wilde?). Perhaps you would prefer to see both men and women hanged, or does your prejudice not include women on this particular âthorny issueâ?
In deference to the patronising statement that âSuch persons as suffer from it should be treated with sympathy and understandingâ, homosexual people do not âsufferâ from being what they are, any more than heterosexuals do. I think it is more accurate to say that some people suffer from religion â as well as blind stupidity, absurd prejudice and a lack of empathy, whilst the rest of us, in turn, have to suffer them. It is also interesting to note that a significant number of people who are anti homosexuality are, in point of fact, homosexual, themselves, but are afraid or ashamed of what they are. Their fear and/or shame only having been born out of ignorance spouted by people who, themselves, feel they have something to be ashamed or afraid of. Fear/hatred of homosexuality is learnt, not inherited.
As is so typical of people with a âchip on their shoulderâ, the originator of the article (who is evidently so proud of the bile it writes, that it is too cowardly or ashamed to identify itself to other people), has to bring children into its nonsensical verbiage. Of course, no piece of bigotry would be complete, if it didnât try to justify its stupidity, by âtugging at the heartstringsâ of the feeble minded, suggesting that homosexual people are all child molesters and that homosexuality will corrupt the young. Iâm afraid youâll have to do much better than that, because that has been proven â time and again â to be factually incorrect. It is not possible to make someone into a homosexual â just as it is not possible to make a homosexual person become heterosexual. Were the great Alan Turing still alive, I donât doubt that he would confirm this. However, because of people such you and the vermin that spout the drivel you have chosen to publish, Mr Turing was deprived of happiness and thus his life, despite having arguably one of the greatest minds the world has ever seen. The benefits he would have brought to humanity are immeasurable, but he was destroyed by the same ignorance, absurd prejudice and utter stupidity that you have shown. I am also wondering what other views you share with Adolf Hitler. If you have never watched the film âVictimâ, starring the late great Dirk Bogart, I would suggest you do (that is always assuming you have the intelligence to understand its message). It is based so honestly on facts. People should not be killed or blackmailed, just because they happen to be attracted to members of the same gender. We are supposed to be the most intelligent species on the planet. However, so many people seem to revel in persecuting others for no reason other than they happen to be different. I can see no signs of a population crisis â indeed, far from it. It isnât homosexual people who have overpopulated this planet. I am also not aware of any gay organisation that tries to âconvertâ people to being homosexual. Neither do not know of any homosexual who wants to kill or injure someone just because of an absurd and unjustified dislike of a quirk of fate that befell them due to something entirely beyond their control â their birth.
What gives you the right to publish the nonsense that you have? The answer to that question is simple: the right to freedom of expression. That you wonât be persecuted because of your jaded, antiquated and dangerous views. That you should be allowed to publish the anonymous scribble of a coward, who was probably masturbating over images of naked men as he expressed his own self-loathing, and who found an outlet for his ghastly offspring in the grubby pages of a grotty, provincial, piece of tat! If you doubt what I say, think about why you have devoted so much time and energy in order to express your absurd dislike of something that is so benign. To think of all the problems this world faces, yet there are still people who devote feverish energy to criticise and persecute fellow human beings, whose only âcrimeâ is to have been created different. You have made yourself look a complete and utter fool. You have shown a total lack of compassion towards fellow human beings. Before you go preaching your false prophecies of doom and destruction, because a few people are âgayâ and want to be allowed to exist in safety and peace, think. Use the brain you would have us believe you possess. Remember that you believe you are a decent human being. All you have done is show your crass stupidity, your lack of understanding and that you and the coward to whom you have given a voice, are a menace to civilisation. Shame on you, sir! ââŠin spite of your talk of equality and fraternity, you still believe some people are better than others because of the way they make love.â Another Country G. Dudley
If you have an open letter you wish to have published, please send to newsdesk@thegayuk.com
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From the very beginning of her career as a chorus girl in theatres and cabarets of 1920s Weimar Berlin Marlene Dietrich boasted a gay following. In one of her early revues she sang a duet with co-star Margot Lion called âMy Best Girlfriendâ in which both sported a corsage of violetsâ the signal in those days for lesbianism.
Durex RealFeel Sexpert Alix Fox has written about sex and relationships for everyone from Menâs Fitness to Bizarre magazine, so her nookie knowledge spans the whole sexual spectrum from beginner and vanilla to the most obscure and fascinating kooky kinks.
