Reckon bringing up a problem child, or even bringing up a campylobacter-riddled cactus curry, would be less tough than bringing up the topic of saucy gadgets with your boyf?! Here are some easy tips to get the conversation started while sidestepping the awks, choose a suitable toy once you’ve had the talks, then use it together so successfully that your gent will soon be a proud loyalty cardholder at Toys ‘R’ Ass.
BRINGING UP THE SUBJECT
Take him down the aisle: Durex lubricants are stocked in most of the larger supermarkets, including Tesco and Sainsbury’s, where they can be found in the healthcare and bathroom section. Some branches also sell Durex sex accessories, such as the Little Devil Vibrating Cock Ring. When grabbing groceries with your chap, steer him towards the soaps and shower gels, and engineer a casual encounter with the slippery stuff, saying something like “I saw Durex sex toys being sold at the supermarket the other day – amazing what you can pick up with your bacon and baked beans these days! Mind you, I suppose stuff that’s a bit of fun like that is pretty normal for most people these days…”
Depending on your bloke’s reaction, the chat may lead to you conveniently chucking a little something in the trolley there and then, to “give it a whirl for a giggle”. However, if you don’t sense he feels comfortable nattering about nookie in public, you can bring the topic back up once you’re at home, knowing that 1) You’ve shown him that a well known, safe, reputable brand like Durex makes sex toys – a name he’ll be reassuringly familiar with; and 2) You’ve warmed him to the idea of sex toys being normal, non-freaky things that are so commonly used and accepted that they can even be bought in Asda.
If you guys do your food shopping online, try adding a toy to the basket ‘by accident’. When it happens to ‘mistakenly’ rock up in your delivery, you may as well see if it gets your rocks off, right..?
Open sesame: Alternatively, you could open a discussion by mentioning that you saw an advert for toys on the telly; watched a programme where they were mentioned; or read a related piece in a magazine or online. If you don’t want to put your gent on the spot, you could email him a link to a blog, quiz, website or article asking “What do you reckon to this? Could be interesting to try?”, then talk about things in more detail later once he’s had time to mull over his thoughts and is prepared for the conversation.
Re-ass-sure his ass!: Many lads worry about their partners wanting to try toys because they presume it means there’s something wrong or substandard about their sexual technique, that they’re not sufficiently pleasing their partner ‘without help’, or that they’re about to be somehow replaced by a piece of plastic or play second fiddle to a rubbery ring.
Reassure your fella that you want to enhance your relationship, and add an extra layer of enjoyment to the great raunchiness you’re both already revelling in. Try saying something along the lines of “I feel really confident and relaxed with you, and we gel so well together… so maybe you’d fancy trying something new with me?”, which frames the suggestion of experimentation as a privilege he should be flattered by, and a sign of trust. Be clear that you think playing with toys together will be an intimate experience you’ll share as a couple, rather than a situation in which he’ll lose your attention because you’re fixated on the feeling you’re getting from a gadget. Try presenting it as an adventure that can up his pleasure, not just yours – for example, by saying “I get the feeling you really like it when we X, so I was wondering if you might like me to treat you to Y toy to try with me?”
Perform an ex-orcism: You might already own sex toys. But start your collection afresh with your man. Not only does this allow you to choose items that specifically suit you both, but it removes the icky idea that you might have used existing toys with a previous partner. No-one wants to play with a haunted haul that was once covered with an ex’s ectoplasm!
Start small: Word to the wise – if your chap is nervy about trying toys, presenting him with a butt plug the size of a garden gnome may have him running for the hills and away from thrills! For beginners, look for non-intimidating, classy-looking items that don’t have dimensions usually used by estate agents describing mansion gardens.
He’s got that vibe: The most obvious toys for gay guys to use are butt plugs and anal beads – for rear-ly good stimulation, and cock rings like: Durex Play ULTRA Pleasure Ring (£7.99) which help fellas gain and maintain stronger erections, and can also vibrate thrillingly against the wearer’s scrotum and/or a partner’s body during penetration. However, don’t automatically discount the idea of a little bullet vibrator like Durex Play Delight Vibrating Bullet (£9.99) or even a slightly larger, ergonomically shaped vibe such as Durex Play Dream Sensual Massager (£37.99). Not only do they feel amazing humming against the dick, ball-sack, and perineum, but they’re also fantastic for body massage.
Smooth some scented oil or lube over your lover’s back, and tease out the knots in their shoulders and neck. This is a superbly chilled out, laid back, delicious way to take your babe to toyland for the first time; move the buzz down down down to XXX Town only once they’re happily acquainted with the sensation.
Make a wishlist: Try setting up a private wishlist at an online erotic store, sending your partner an e-invite to join it, and taking it in turn to add items. This is a great way of learning about what your lover might like to sample, and gives him a chance to peruse the offerings in his own quiet time.
The nose knows: Alternatively, if you’d rather go to a store together to choose a plaything, which can be as hilarious, seductive or subtle a trip as you both want it to be – testing vibrators against your nose is a good indicator of how strong they will feel down below. You might look like a clown, but that can help break any tension – and it is certainly better than splashing your cash on some super-powered dick drill you later discover you need a hard hat, earplugs, and steel toe-capped boots to operate.
Use a dom:… a condom, that is. If you’re inserting any toys inside one another, pop a rubber over the top first for convenient cleanup. Fear of mess can cause distress, but French letters plus lotsa lube can take that worry away. Make sure you change the Johnny in between uses if you’re both sharing the same gadget to avoid any cross-contamination issues with butt bacteria.
Bum note: Don’t pop anything up anyone’s bum-ba-lao that you’re not absolutely certain you can get out again – a trip to A&E to fish a pocket rocket out of your partner’s southerly sex socket is not going to endear him to the concept of playthings! Make sure any anal toys you use have a flared base or a sturdy handle to make sure they’re not going to barge their way too far up the anal canal.
Give it a rest: Make sure you mix a few “All Boy, No Toy” sex sessions into your repertoire. Even if you and your beau are both really getting off on your new gizmos, leave the bits ‘n’ bobs in the box now and again to regularly prove to him that he still blows your socks off and takes your quivering legs with ‘em all on his own.
Follow Alix on Twitter for sauciness, silliness, sexiness and naughty natterings: @AlixFox