THEGAYUK

Author: Lee Henriques

  • Ten sure signs you’ve fallen out of love with your boyfriend

    Ten sure signs you’ve fallen out of love with your boyfriend

    Falling in love can be magical. Falling out of love can suck.

    Here are 10 telltale signs to look out for:

    Cute Habits Turn Into Annoying Pet Peeves

    All those sweet enamoured things they used to do, like holding open doors for you or putting their arm around your waist when you walk, slowly but surely become mind-numbingly infuriating. The little things that used to make you swoon now make you groan. More so, you find yourself actually looking out for these little ticks that fuel your anger and frustration rather than turning a blind eye.

    You Seek Out Conflict

    Picking fights used to be this grand, scary event that you’d mentally prep yourself up for beforehand. Now? Not so much. Bickering and arguing are practically the bread and butter of your relationship. The slightest of inconvenient occurrences can feel like the heaviest of set-backs. Did he forget to tell you he was seeing his friend tonight? Of course, he did, he’s so inconsiderate. Sound familiar?

    Other Couples Highlight Your Insecurities

    Double dates or group hangs just remind you of what’s missing in your relationship. You can feel the palpable envy in the air when a couple who can’t keep their hands off each other begin sucking face in front of you. It’s a gut-wrenching feeling to realise the infamous spark is gone and it feels better to stick your head in the sand than have your nose rubbed in it. Chances are if you’re jealous of another couple, it’s because they have something you don’t.

    A Future With Them Is Unrealistic

    Planning stuff together a week in advance makes you iffy. Thinking about a long-term future plan with a picket fence and kids makes you nauseous. It’s just not realistic to daydream about backpacking together or lounging on a matching set of towels together and still have it be fun. Or even tolerable. If that much time away, with only the two of you, makes you shiver then what’s the point in being with someone?

    Saying Empty “I Love Yous”

    Once more, with feeling. Three words that tingled your spine the first time you dared to whisper them into his ear. Your friends made such a big deal out of it. Truthfully, when you mumble them into the phone now it’s more out of habit or courtesy than love. They ring hollow, devoid of the fiery passion they once held. If they say it back in the same monotonous tone, odds are they’ve probably fallen out of love too.

    A Relationship Just Isn’t What You Need Right Now

    Perhaps other priorities have risen, be it a new career opportunity or needing to take care of a sick relative, and the sad yet honest answer is simply what’s written on the tin. A relationship isn’t your priority or necessarily even what you need. We all know how we love to think we know what’s best for ourselves. But it can be a bitter pill to swallow and admit. Maybe you rushed into things. Maybe you didn’t consider what you wanted out of the relationship. Maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship right now and that’s okay if you communicate it to your partner and not let it fester up and snowball.

    You Care About Them… As A Friend

    Attraction is important in a relationship. It’s not everything but it does play a pivotal role. If that attraction were to burn out, what’s supposed to be left is mutual respect and trust… right? So where do the distinct lines of friendship and relationship end? Attraction is a pretty good indicator. If you’re lucky enough to have a partner that ends up feeling like both a friend and a lover, congrats, but if it leans towards platonic (and let’s be honest, you know when it does) rather than romantic then that’s pretty self-explanatory.

    The Thought Of Breaking-Up Isn’t Heart-Breaking

    A long time ago, losing your significant other would absolutely crush you. Three to four months of mourning, minimum. Ice cream and tears galore. What springs to mind when you think about it nowadays is… meh. Not only do you find yourself caring less and less if you’re with them or not, seeing them doesn’t make your heart pitter-patter anymore. It wouldn’t shatter if he left for good, either, and if that’s the gospel truth well then that’s a pretty darn good sign.

    He Doesn’t Satisfy You Anymore

    There are plenty of things to do to spice up your sex life. Whole books are written on the topic. But if your relationship is suffering its very own mid-life crisis, it’s very likely that what used to be there isn’t anymore. Perhaps that’s where the jealousy of other couple stems from; sex is no longer pleasurable or as exciting or fun as it used to be. Tearing each other’s clothes off used to be common practice. If you’ve scheduled out a mandatory coitus sesh every Sunday night, and the thought of snacking afterwards is the only driving force to your climax, then it’s a pretty clear indication that the love part of your love-making is existentially dead.

    You’ve Fallen For Someone Else

    The ultimate sign that you’ve fallen out of love: being in love with someone else. Of course, this last sign only applies to monogamous couples. To have someone’s undivided devotion is wondrous. What can end up stinging the most, however, is finding out the hard way that’s not the case. People don’t like hearing it but there’s no easy way around telling someone you’re in love with someone else. Coming to terms with it yourself is a good starting point.

    If any of these ten signs ring true, maybe you have a few things to consider. If not, cherish your love (or your singlehood!) and let’s all agree that love is simultaneously the biggest mystery and wonder of the world.

    This article was first published in Sept 2017

  • FILM REVIEW | Love, Simon

    ★★★★★ | Love, Simon

    He’s just like you.

    Simon Spiel (portrayed by Nick Robinson) has a “huge ass secret” in Love, Simon… he’s gay. The seventeen-year-old hasn’t told his perfectly ordinary nuclear family or his perfectly ordinary group of friends yet, but begins communicating with an anonymous Blue via email when he finds out through the school’s gossipy blog that Blue is also, in fact, closeted. Teenage drama ensues, complications arise but boiled down to its core, you’re left with a syrupy-sweet premise and a completely revitalised romantic outlook on life.

    Despite knowing the reactions he’ll get probably won’t be as severe as they could be, Simon’s worry and fear of change encapsulate the paralysing effect of coming out – or the process of coming out – can take on any individual. As Simon attempts to figure out who Blue is, his daydreams and fantasies remind me just how much I used to do the same with every boy who smiled at me. Like Simon, I was lucky enough to have a minimal reaction when I came out; a cryfest followed by group hugs and soppy speeches from my parents. But watching the fear in his eyes when Martin (Logan Miller) threatens to leak his emails with Blue to the school reminded me just how insufferable the thought of this secret being exposed used to be. The constant guard that he has up, the fake bro talks that he has to keep having, to not let it slip is painstakingly familiar. The journey that Simon goes on, from not understanding why straight people don’t have to come out to the heart-warming post he makes where he embraces himself irrevocably, is something that I think most of us have experienced. It’s a feeling of rejoicing and acceptance that director Greg Berlanti makes you feel as if for the very first time. My eyes first watered when Simon choked on the word. He sputtered and couldn’t seem to get it out. Gay. These small nuances are what make the film more than a teen rom-com, even with the archetypal bullies and linear plot structure, there’s so much depth and warmth in this story that so many of us can see ourselves in.

    Outside of Simon and Blue, the other characters (while, for obvious reasons, not getting as much screen time) still serve valuable purposes not only to the plot but to the world built around Simon himself. His parents (played by Jennifer Garner and Josh Duhamel) give the right balance of comedic and heartfelt, making us laugh and swoon and cry. Garner and Duhamel give equally charming and memorable performances, but Garner’s speech especially had the audience waiting with bated breath until she delivered the line – “You get to exhale now, Simon.” At that point, no one even attempted to hide their tears. Speaking of the audience, every time the drama teacher Ms Albright (Natasha Rothwell) came on screen our collective shoulders were shaking and our tummies were hurting from the amount of rip-roaring laughter she instantly produced. Out of Simon’s group of friends, while Abby (Alexandra Shipp X-Men: Apocalypse) and Nick (Jorge Lendeborg Jr. Spider-Man: Homecoming) certainly had their moments, Leah (Katherine Langford – 13 Reasons Why) shone the brightest but definitely suffered from sidekick syndrome. Maybe we’ll get to see more of her in future, if Becky Albertalli – the author of the book Simon Vs. The Homosapien’s Agenda, which the film is based on – gets Leah’s book on the big screen.

    Everything from the cinematography to the marketing to the soundtrack had undertones of the old school teen movie genre, which makes sense since it’s the first major studio film focusing on a gay love story. I feel incredibly lucky to still be a teenager and have this film validate my experience with its normalcy, opening up a plethora of opportunities for more people’s stories to be told. The tagline of the film itself, “Everyone deserves a great love story”, encourages the exemplar celebration of diversity that Love, Simon does. Simon himself feels like such an easy character to get lost in, you see yourself in him or if not you, then your brother, your cousin, your friend, he’s an every man in the best possible sense and watching him fall in love is both infuriatingly sweet and extremely awkward in the best-worst relateable way as he navigates conversations with his potential love interests.

    The characters that surround him are so vividly real, with their own quirks, going through their own things, you feel a part of Simon’s world just watching him listen to his playlist as he drives to pick up his friends. That kind of audience inclusion, be it through the editing or the camera technique, enhances the moral of the film of tolerance and inclusion. I might be biased, being the exact target audience (a gay teenager) but Greg Berlanti and the whole cast and crew have created a modern-day classic for those who liked but never identified with the Cady Herons, the Ferris Buellers, the Jim Levensteins and the Olive Penderghasts. I feel incredibly lucky to now have a Simon Spier.

  • RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars Season 3 Premiere – RuCap

    The third All Stars is finally here and the premiere was full of twists and turns and shocks and surprises, as Alaska and Chad Michaels promised it would at the beginning of the episode.

    OBVS: There are spoilers ahead…

    Their manic laughter soon dissolves, however, as they sigh and reveal The Drag Race Hall of Fame to not be what they – or anyone else – were expecting. They walk off in their creepy red robes and white hats, only to pop up again at the end of the episode… but more on that later.

    The queens’ entrance looks were as eclectic as ever, this group of fan favourite girls really are a mixed bunch.

    Trixie Mattel was the first to roll on in, the crown-less drag superstar of season seven. She claims to be here to make amends, feeling like an all star after her run on the show but never during. Being such a well-liked talented queen, many are theorising that Trixie will be the crowned winner of this season. She has strong competition, that’s for sure, and from what we’ve seen so far Trixie needs to step up her game to snatch the crown – which I low-key want her to do. I think she’s proved she’s the one to beat off the show but now’s her time to separate from the herd and make herself known to those who maybe don’t follow her work off Drag Race.

    Zaddy’s home! Milk’s runway look is a denim Pinocchio inspired look, that’s truly Milk. She’s mainly been doing modelling after her run on the show, and rumours claim she doesn’t get very far on All Stars which is a shame – her out of the carton thinking makes for such interesting, artistic drag. Only time will tell, though. Her commentary is certainly interesting, I don’t remember Milk being this outspoken on the last season.

    The trashbag queen with a heart of gold, Chi Chi DeVayne, brings with her the swampiness that we loved from season eight. She claims that she has her mind and her drag together, the full force of the dancing queen will be upon us this season. Truth be told, she isn’t exactly off to a great start.

    Next to walk in is Thorgy Thor, who Chi Chi says is always talking about how she didn’t win because of Bob the Drag Queen, the season eight winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Even her reads during the mini challenge revolve around Bob, and she claims to have found ways to focus this season so I guess we’ll see how well she does. To quote Chi Chi, “There ain’t no Bob here, let’s see what you got.”

    A season two queen, Morgan McMichaels exclaims, “I look pretty good, for a dead bitch.” The other girls react pretty well to her, calling her fierce competition and a workhouse, someone to beat. She’s definitely as sharp-tongued as ever, immediately formulating her own plan when the rules are set out by Ru.

    Aja wheels in next, on a scooter, having some unfinished business. Her approach this time around, fresh off season 9, is just to be more lax about everything. Having felt like the ugly duckling of her season, she’s back with some new additions to her face a la some plastic surgery, with a confidence that she definitely channels in the challenges.

    BenDeLaCreme stumbles in next and, I’ve got to be honest I never saw what everyone loved about her, but she’s clearly still as favourable as ever wanting to, yes, win the crown but do so with kindness and integrity. “You don’t have to be a bitch”, she says, which I can definitely stan but immediately afterwards she makes a comment about Valentina that doesn’t sound too congenial and Milk – in her one-on-one interviews – calls her out for being fake.

    Kennedy Davenport glitters as she walks in next, wearing an outfit we would have never seen her brave on her season, boasting how much she’s grown. She wants to dance her way to the top and immediately sticks to Chi Chi, who claims they’ve developed a very close mother/daughter relationship. Trixie even calls them the same person. How much she’s grown, however, is up for debate as she launches into her old attacking habits when Shangela gives her two cents about Aja returning and Kennedy shuts herself down before being called “the mean one” of the season again. At least she knows when to quit, now.

    Speaking of Shangela, haleloo, she’s back and the third time’s the charm. Shangie’s definitely racked up a lot more experience since her two-time stint on the show, working in television, film and even headlining her own Vegas strip show! Not having seen her in season 3, I was definitely excited for her to shine on again in All Stars and boy did she bring it.

    Lot’s of people speculated about this season’s 10th queen and the controversial pick turned out to be none other than the season one winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race – Bebe Zahara Benet. Never having seen the first season, I didn’t know anything about Bebe. The queens were all pretty intimidated by her, since she’s the only one of them to actually already have a crown, but she hasn’t been on since 2009. If she wins she’ll be the first queen in herstory to have two crowns under her belt but even if she doesn’t, despite some people thinking she has no place on All Stars, I think this is a great way to re-introduce her to the younger viewers who (like me) don’t know much about her. From what I’ve seen, though, I already love her – she’s definitely one to keep your eye on.

    Ru definitely seems to be banking on the success of the second season of All Stars

    RuPaul meets the queens after introducing Bebe, setting out the rules of the game which mostly follow AS2. Each week, the top 2 queens will lip sync for their legacy and the winner will receive a $10, 000 tip + the power to eliminate one of her fellow queens. Morgan McMichaels is instantly very vocal about her plan to eliminate competition – finally a queen who is honest about playing the game. All Stars 2 was about being friends with the winner (Roxxxy Andrews making it as far as she did is proof of that) which Shangela echoes later, when they’re talking about how to decide who to eliminate – their consensus broke down, which is why I was confused as to why everyone came for Morgan when she said what she said. She’s playing the game and everybody else better do the same rather than kumbaya like last season and have another Roxxxy slip into the top four.

    While there were some good zingers in the mini-challenge, I can’t help but compare it to All Stars 2 where the one-liners were stronger and fresher and funnier. Everyone came for BenDeLa and her absence from the drag scene since her season, but she proved once again how funny she is and won the challenge.

    Charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent – bigger and better than ever

    The real tea is that the variety talent show didn’t have much variety.

    Shangela started it off performing an original song, complete with a quick-step dance routine, outfit change and a death drop that was very well-received both by the judges and the crowd – landing her in the top. The judges loved the dancing, the way she commanded the room as soon as she walked out, but the bodysuit she had on was basic.

    Bebe followed her, also performing a dance number but one that was inspired by her African culture. The beautiful outfit she revealed flourished with the beat, making her one of the four safe queens.

    Thorgy’s violin number was a bit of a snooze, to me at least. The judges loved her jumpsuit and the way she married classical music with drag but Vanessa Hudgens clocked her for being bashful, wanting to see her own her fierceness. She made it to the top.

    Aja came out with a dance number to her original track that had everyone shook. I mean, we knew that she could dance but nobody was expecting her to bring it like she brought it, sis. RuPaul even shouted, literally nobody was ready. She raised the bar and, as Ross Matthews said, jumped off it. When asked about what made her come out of her shell, Aja said this time around she didn’t care what anybody had to say about her and Mama Ru told her to just “jump on their ass”. She was one of the two winners of the challenge.

    Kennedy followed Aja, and maybe that was the reason I wasn’t really into her dance number – since she was the fourth to do it – but she spun and kicked and flipped off and onto the stage. She was, deservedly, safe.

    Ben brought a re-vamped comedic burlesque show, throwing off bra after bra with more exaggerated nipple tassels every which way. Her shtick was, the judges said, stunning and the comedy was great. She was the other winner.

    Chi Chi’s flat jazz shoes, lack of padding and poor wig choice made for a poor fifth dance performance which the crowd cheered her for, but neither the queens nor the judges were all that impressed. She looked beautiful but the shoe and the hair flopped and landed her in the bottom.

    Morgan’s mediocre lipsync of her original track, which she performed for the first time tonight, was nerve-filled and mostly performed to the queens rather than the judges. According to Matthews, the way she usually controls the room was lacking in this performance. Despite looking amazing, wearing a bodysuit Michelle Visage called her favourite, she was also in the bottom.

    The last two performances were a live country song by Trixie, that was well-liked and made her safe, and a paper runway show by Milk that the queens were over immediately but that made her, also, safe. They both blended into the background in this episode, doing average and being okay with doing average – according to a behind the scenes World of Wonder video. Trixie said being safe, in a group of such talented girls, was a compliment.

    The Lip Sync

    The deliberations were exactly like they were in All Stars 2, one-on-ones with the queens who won and the bottoms saying the same generic lines of acknowledging their mistakes but wanting to continue fighting. Ben put it well, saying her and Aja’s position was like “the worst double-edged sword”. She claimed to want to play fair and not help herself personally, which is all fine and dandy, but when it came down to her eliminating the bottom queen – I was a little suspect of her decision.

    The lip sync itself wasn’t the best we’ve had (I, personally, don’t think Alyssa Edwards vs. Tatiana will ever be beat) but it was finally a Nicki Minaj song. Aja busted a few good moves but, ultimately, Ben’s comedy won her out – and with the amount of screentime she got during the lipsync, it was no wonder – so she launched into a monologue about a unanimous consensus among the group that Morgan went against, defending her choice based on that. The queens were pretty silent while Ben talked backstage about how they reached decisions last All Stars, but they certainly didn’t agree on conforming to one way and if she had based it off of the judges’ critiques Chi Chi would have definitely gone home. Milk was onto something when she said Ben was trying to play congenial and appeal rather than be authentically herself. So she sends Morgan home, based on a group consensus that nobody really agreed to, but in the workroom when she picks up that trophy, behind her are Chad and Alaska donning the same creepy red robes with a message from RuPaul that promises something wicked this way coming. Morgan stays, confused, wondering if someone will tell her what’s going on when the screen cuts black and the episode comes to an end.

    Predictions

    With the Ruveals and Rureturns and Rupocalypse, it’s impossible to predict 100% accurately what will happen but I’m definitely here for #TeamTrixie, #TeamMilk and #TeamAja making it to top three – realistically, though, I think it will more likely be Trixie, Ben and Kennedy but Trixie has to step up if she wants to be serious competition.

    After Morgan, I think Chi Chi will be fine if next episode’s preview is anything to base off of – I think it’s a dance challenge – but there are lots of rumours that Thorgy and Milk don’t get very far in the competition and that BenDeLa actually eliminates herself to bring Morgan back. It’s clear they’re following the same formula as AS2, so if a queen is eliminated she might get to come back.

    What did you think of the premiere? Who’s #Team are you on and who do you want to see go home?

  • #NationalComingOutDay – Every experience is different

    Coming out of the closet is a different experience for everyone and it may not always be as positive as the Diana Ross song.

    For most people, you’ll end up coming out more than once – which people don’t really tell you about. Sure, the first time is the hardest and most nerve-wracking but as long as you’re meeting new people and you don’t have an I’M GAY tattoo scrawled across your forehead, you’re going to end up coming out… a lot. Like most things, it gets easier over time and those two simple words will end up flowing out of your mouth almost habitually. But it’s that first time, that one moment where you break it to the people closest to you – be it your immediate family, best friends, whoever – that seems to swallow up the spotlight.

    I’ve met people who openly talk about their coming out experiences with warm, knowing smiles. On the other end of the argument, I’ve also met people who refuse to conform to this notion that we as gay people owe anyone but ourselves a need to self-label. Personally, talking about how I came out makes me uncomfortable. Because that’s the reality – or my reality, rather. I wasn’t sat down opposite my parents with my fingers entwined with my boyfriend’s on my eighteenth birthday, I wasn’t at an emotionally happy place to be able to merrily own my label, I was a shivering wreck and I’m pretty sure I blubbered the words out inaudibly at first. That glorified moment of self-empowerment, of owning my sexuality and confronting my traditional parents, was eclipsed with awkward mumbling, a permanently nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach and enough tears to drown a whale.

    At the forefront of this day, October 11th, coming out is celebrated for the extreme bravery that it takes to leave that dark, damp closet and step into the light. But that’s an over-simplification of something that’s just not as black and white as saying “I’m gay” or “I’m bi” or “I’m whatever letter of the LGBTQIA+ community”. There is validity behind the argument that by coming out you’re fulfilling this necessary quota before you can officially call yourself an out and proud queer person (and I’m using queer as an umbrella term here).

    As a community that has been ostracised, marginalised, called every pejorative name in the book, beaten and even made illegal, we are taught to hate ourselves. That we’re going to Hell. The relationship between teenagers who commit suicide and their sexuality or gender identification is alarming.

    Homophobia isn’t as dead as some people want to believe and it isn’t a matter of being a social justice warrior, these heartbreaking facts that plague our community with exceptionally high numbers of homelessness and violent prejudice warrant wanting days like these. For civil awareness and to discuss issues in our community.

    Coming out seems like a meagre thing when you compare it to the more pressing matters that we face. If I’m safe and comfortable with myself, why do I need to come out? Why should I directly have to express my sexual orientation to those around me to prove that I am, in fact, not straight? Judith Butler, a philosopher and gender theorist, argues that coming out does not protect oneself from oppression or discrimination. A lot can change from coming out, perhaps you won’t feel as alienated, perhaps you’ll be able to be more in touch with yourself and other around you, perhaps you won’t have to hide away a part of yourself that you’ve been purposefully repressing.

    While, in that sense, coming out can bring you closer to your friends or your family if there’s one thing you take away from reading this I want it to be what follows: You don’t owe anybody anything. There’s no plausible situation where you have to come out or disclose your sexual identity if you do not want to. There are people in this world who will love you unconditionally and accept you without question, I’m not denying that. But at the expense of sounding cynical, there are also people who won’t do either of those things. And yes, it’s unfair, and yes, they’re assholes, and yes, they don’t understand what it’s like but you don’t gain anything from coming out that you won’t already have if you know who you are and you love who you are.

    The pressure that we receive, especially as young people (hi, I’m seventeen), can feel overwhelming, can feel overpowering. There might be people you look up to who say that if you don’t come out, you’re lying to yourself, or that you owe it to be a role model and come out so that people know it’s okay to be who you are. I know that that’s definitely been the case for me multiple times. The only reason my heart was beating so fast on the day I came out, on the 17th of October in 2015, was because I was afraid. Not that I wouldn’t be accepted, I knew they wouldn’t take it well. But my fear came from outside – from the reaction of others – I knew who I was a long time ago and I had come out to myself way before I came out to others.

    Like everything in life, this day is filled with contrasting emotions; I am happy that I took a leap of faith and came out to my parents two years ago, but I am also saddened by the fact that some people can’t come out or feel the need to do so prematurely because everyone’s telling them they should. I wrote down my coming out experience because I wanted to remember it. I said, “They cried, I cried, we hugged, a lot was said. Too much to mark down. But it was one of the scariest things, but also one of the bravest things, I will ever have to do in my life.”

    To my fifteen-year-old self, to anyone who hasn’t yet, I just want to tell you that this day is a day of celebration. Not for coming out to the people around you, but for coming out to yourself. I was wrong when I wrote down that coming out to my family was the scariest and bravest thing I will ever have to do – coming out to myself, first and foremost, was. No one has the right to demand a label from you, or that you label yourself, but what I will ask of you is that you love who you are regardless of what anybody says. Anyway I try to finish this will be unoriginal and cheesy so I’ll end with this:

    You matter and you are never, ever alone.

    With love,

    Lee.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Top 10 Most Shocking Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race

    RuPaul’s Drag Race has become a phenomenon of epic proportions in the gay community, serving us sickening looks and gag-worthy moments since its debut in 2009. Here are our 10 most fiercest, most shocking moments that left us with our wigs snatched, hunty.

    10. Violet Chachki’s Teeny-Tiny Cinched Waist

    In the “Death Becomes Her” challenge of season 7, Violet used her notoriously trim waist to her advantage. All 18 inches of it. In a sickening look that received literal gasps from RuPaul herself, Violet cinched her waist so tight she was serving numb-from-the-waist-down realness. Although she lost the challenge to Katya’s shark leg look, the outfit is legendary and will no doubt go down in herstory as one of the most wheeze-worthy – albeit most dangerous – looks ever on the runway.

    9. Tyra’s win over Raven

    Everyone knew unforgettable fashionista Tyra Sanchez was a shoo-in for top three, maybe even top two. But everyone thought fan favourite and queen of all things dark and beautiful, Raven, was the definitive winner of season 2. Needless to say, fans were as gagged as Tyra was when she was crowned the winner. Not only was their lip sync finale one of the most neck-to-neck, nail-biting sequences of the show’s herstory, I think I speak for everyone when I say Tyra’s breathless breakdown was literally the reaction of all of us watching. Same, Miss Thang. Same.

    8. Ongina’s HIV Status

    Season one was a season of remarkable firsts, for obvious reasons. But one – if not the – stand-out moment from the freshmen run of RuPaul’s Drag Race was Ongina bravely announcing and embracing her status as HIV positive after winning the Mac Viva-Glam challenge. Even today in 2017 it’s still quite taboo to talk about the subject, can you imagine the absolute courage it must have taken for Ongina to do it in 2009? She paved the way for queens further down the line to open up and talk freely about it, such as Trinity K. Bonet, as well as creating a safe, loving space and opening up the conversation for transgender drag queens Sonique, Carmen Carrera, Monica Beverly Hillz and the first trans finalist Peppermint.

    7. Adore Delano Willingly Dropping out of All Stars 2

    Many fans don’t know about the RuPaul spin-off All Stars show that brings back past legendary queens to compete in an uber-intense race to be in the Drag Hall of Fame. Adore had the briefest of brief appearances on its second season. After some extremely harsh criticism on the first day, Adore was shaken and immediately brought back to all the insecurities she felt when originally competing in season 6. In her words, she felt like she had to keep proving her drag was meaningful after so many years and although she expressed remorse over her decision on the reunion it’s still tough to watch her admit to Ru that she wants to go home. It’s also heartbreaking knowing how talented Adore is and how far she could have potentially gone.

    6. Bianca Del Rio as Judge Judy

    While this selection isn’t shocking per se, notorious insult comedy queen Bianca Del Rio slayed as Judge Judy on the season 6 Snatch Game. From her eerily accurate makeup to her impossibly snappy Judy comebacks, Bianca gave the performance Michelle Visage – among many – had been dying to see. After all, Judge Judy had never been done before and as one of Ru’s faves, it was just a matter of time. Well, Bianca certainly did raise the bar for anyone who dares to follow her act. If her standup and her consistent reads were anything to go by, Bianca was probably the only queen who could have served it like she did. Piping hot.

    5. The Season 8 Lip Sync Finale Extravaganza

    Season 8 brought us Bob The Drag Queen, appropriately titled, Naomi Smalls, also known as The Legs, and Kim Chi, makeup creative extraordinaire. These three went on to be the top contestants of their season, packing back-to-back lip syncs of original songs with choreographed performances that left the crowd roaring in the finale. Kim Chi proved dancing during a lip sync is overrated with her killer “Fat, Fem & Asian” lip sync. She wore a gorgeously gargantuan gown, while the men around her swayed with claws, and looked elegant and campy – letting loose at the end with what can only be described as gyrating. Naomi stuck to her guns, or should we say her buns, with her song, “Legs”, encompassing her passion for modelling all the while highlighting her self-appointed best feature. Bob The Drag Queen who (SPOILERS) ended up snatching the crown also snatched our wigs with her song, “I Don’t Like To Show Off”, in which – yep, you guessed it – she showed off in the best possible way. All three performances are available to watch on the Logo YouTube channel.

    4. Mimi Imfirst vs. India Farrah


    Drag is not, I repeat – not, a contact sport. Whatever was going through Mimi’s mind when she picked up India like some kind of drag wrestler is, to this day, beyond me. Her lip sync was doomed from the start, her shoddy wardrobe was malfunctioning, her dance was uninteresting and India was obviously going to be staying while Mimi was sashaying. Her solution was, apparently, to try to divert all the attention to herself but it only resulted in the judges struggling not to laugh and Ru sending her home for her poor taste and lack of judgement. Picking someone up during a lip sync is a definite no-no, but it will also always one more thing to write in the herstory books.

    3. Valentina’s Mask Debacle & The Aftermath


    I like to think I’m not alone when I talk about my love-hate relationship with Valentina. The season 9 beauty was effortlessly charming and stunning, quickly winning the judge’s approval with her unflinching ability to dedicate herself to any task and her always on-point runway looks. It was no wonder the fans felt so warmly towards her. Which was why so many were heartbroken when she was sent home for not knowing the words to her lip sync song, she tried to cover it up with her club kid mask and RuPaul ultimately had to stop the lip sync to demand she show her lips. But the truth came out when the reunion aired and fans who, like me, aren’t on the Twitterverse or up to date on their drag social media knowledge found out about the dark side of Valentina. Die-hard fans are no new thing, even to Drag Race. I sipped my tea watching queen after queen attack Valentina for a maelstrom of things; first of, neglecting to defend Alexis Michele or Nina Bo’Nina Brown while her fans incessantly bullied them was something else altogether, then Shea did most certainly not come to play, pulling out receipts the whole reunion, and apparently Farrah’s on-screen friendship with Valentina didn’t last long after the cameras stopped rolling. A black spot was marked on Valentina’s once pristine rep and the latest drag gossip has some more sins to add to her list. Red M and Ms, anyone?

    2. Roxxxy’s Double Wig Reveal

    If Don’t Pick Up A Fellow Drag Queen is rule number one on the list of things NOT to do during a lip sync, snatching your own wig is a very close second. But Roxxxy Andrews, top three finalists during season 5, proved this rule to be fine on occasion. Her lip sync against Alyssa Edwards is known as one of the most recognisable lip syncs ever to hit the stage of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Ru herself was gagged, Michelle whooped and hollered – when was the last time you saw Visage whoop and holler ever? Jaws dropped as Roxxxy revealed her much more hair whip-friendlier wig and rocked out to the song like she was Willow Smith herself, leading both her and Alyssa to be safe.

    1. Willam’s Sudden Disqualification

    And lastly, Willam’s out of the blue disqualification from the show lands on the number one most shocking spot on this list. Willam was a character who didn’t Rupologize over ANYTHING and her no-explanation sashay away came out of a left field. Fans had to wait until the finale to finally learn that she was breaking the rules and having secret rendezvous meetings with her husband in her hotel room. Ru, of course, couldn’t allow her to continue on in the competition (as fierce as she was) and sent her on her merry way after hurling backstage. I’m a firm believer in Willam at least landing in the top three if she had not been disqualified, a first for the show, but since leaving Willam has gone on to form the drag girl group The AAA Girls with Alaska and Courtney Act, write a book and even have her own talkshow on Fullscreen.

     

    Do you agree with our list? Sound off in the comments below and remember: If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?

  • 10 Things You Know If You’re An LGBTQ+ From The ’10s

    Aah, the ’10s.

    Ofsted Adds Homophobic Bullying into Inspections

    This seemingly small act in 2012 ensured that schools took a stand against homophobia. A 2014 Stonewall teachers’ report found that “the proportion of teachers who say their school has a policy that explicitly addresses homophobic bullying has increased significantly: in primary schools from 19 percent in 2009 to 31 percent in 2014, in secondary schools from 30 percent in 2009 to 55 percent in 2014.” However, the report also states that most teachers believe there’s a lack of leadership standing to tackle homophobic bully and fewer than 1/5 teachers say their schools’ library has LGBTQ+ information books. Only 8% of primary school teachers and 16% of secondary school teachers say they’ve had specific training to deal with homophobic bullying, so while the 2012 act added homophobic bullying to Ofsted reports there’s a long way to go from there. But it’s a clear sign that times are changing to include LGBTQ+ students in governing reports and not just acknowledge the potential danger they may face but actually do something to change it.

    The Marriage Act (For Same-Sex Couples)

    Just one year later, this act was passed in England & Wales in 2013 and two years later in June in 2015 in the USA. Civil Partnerships were granted in 2004 giving essentially the same rights and responsibilities as heterosexual married couples – but why go above and beyond to instil and enforce the difference of same-sex relationships in a whole new act? Well, now gay couples can have the same legal standing of marriage as straight couples thanks to Maria Miller, the Chair of the Women and Equalities Select Committee who introduced the act. The first same-sex marriages in the UK took place on the 29th of March in 2014. Love wins!

    Ellen Page Coming Out

    Her speech in 2014 for the Human Rights Campaign was groundbreaking. It made global headlines and many praised Page for her bravery and honesty. Ellen Degeneres, Neil Patrick Harris, Adam Lambert and Ricky Martin paved the way for celebrities like Page to come out but Page’s speech covered the crushing standards of beauty the industry puts on everyone – not just young people – and how the ideology of being a certain way forces you to act a certain way. She discussed the bullying, the secrecy, the boxed-in claustrophobic feeling of being in the closet out of the toxic fear of being outed. She chastised the narrow views of femininity and masculinity and how they serve no purpose in contemporary society. She made you think and feel and cheer and cry and it was (and continues to be) one of the most empowering speeches for LGBTQ+ youth who feel oppressed by the norms and values of society. I will never forget how she talked so openly and honestly without painting everything black and white. But if you take just one thing away from her speech, let it be that you can make a difference by loving yourself. Because that’s where you start loving other people and that’s how you save lives. Not by being horrible to other people but by loving each other.

    Caitlyn Jenner’s Public Transition

    Love her or hate her, there’s no denying that the media’s attention was laser-focused on Cait after she came out as a transgender woman in April 2015. She’s not the best advocate for the LGBTQ+ community but the truth is she helped bring the limelight to transgender rights and the discrimination the marginalised group suffer daily. Many people didn’t even know what being transgender meant before Cait. Bruce Jenner, the Olympic gold medallist, showed the world anybody can feel like they don’t belong. Of course, let’s also not forget the important work of Laverne Cox, the Wachowskis and Aydian Dowling.

    The Explosion of Dating Apps

    A plethora of never-ending headless torsos at your beck and scroll. With such an endless selection of gay apps – from Grindr, BoyAhoy, SCRUFF, Adam4Adam, GuySpy, Hornet, Jack’d to GROWLr – there’s a noticeable lack of lesbian-centric dating apps. HER is essentially the only one tailored specifically for queer women. You could always just select a women-only feature on Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, etc. but why is there such a large dating market for queer men and not for queer women?

    Ginger Minj Losing RuPaul’s Drag Race to Violet Chachki

    Violet is a great queen (don’t come for me Violet stans) but Ginger, regardless of how many times she was in the bottom two compared to Violet’s safe streak, was undeniably the standout star of the season. To this day it irks me that the skinny queen with the snatched waist won over the most multi-talented comedy queen in RuPaul history. It seemed like Violet’s “redemption” arc was shoehorned in the last 3 episodes as a set-up to make her likeable. Ginger was consistently funny, heart-warming and bled her larger than life personality into every performance. I just think America’s Next Drag Superstar should be more than just a pretty face with a good aesthetic. Sue me.

    Stonewall Film

    Controversy controversy controversy. Definitely a lower point in the LGBTQ+ community. The white-washing and white saviour narrative depicted in the film, although tiresome and ignorant of real-life history, actually highlighted one of the biggest problems in our community: the glorification of white gay males. Now, Stonewall could have significantly played upon this trope in a satirical social commentary and made a point of casting mainly white, attractive males – even if it is a stretch to suppose the potential of a film that ignores a large portion of its real life history. Instead of addressing these issues, whatsoever, producer and director Roland Emmerich responded to the commentary saying, “I didn’t make this movie only for gay people, I made it also for straight people… As a director, you have to put yourself in your movies, and I’m white and gay.” There’s no logical response to the oblivious ignorance of this comment, but he didn’t stop there. He went on to claim the gargantuan failure of the box office on “one voice on the internet who saw a trailer and said, this is whitewashing Stonewall. Stonewall was a white event, let’s be honest. But nobody wanted to hear that any more.” Despite whatever twisted ethnocentric version of history Emmerich believes happened, people of colour, drag queens and lesbians (surprise, surprise, the film features one poorly portrayed openly lesbian character) all participated and played a huge role in the pivotal Stonewall Riots, don’t let this flop of a film tell you otherwise.

    The Pulse Massacre

    49 people were killed and 53 were injured in the Orlando nightclub shooting, one of the biggest mass shootings in American history. I guess it shouldn’t be this surprising that horrible, horrible occurrences like this still happen. We often take for granted how far the LGBTQ+ movement has come and all the sacrifices made to give us the (somewhat limited) freedom we have today. But it’s events like these that bring us closer together, in grief and in loss we remember and we reflect and we never let our voices go unheard. For the 49 people killed, for the 53 people injured, we must continue being unapologetically ourselves and demand the treatment every human being deserves – labels and categories and boxes be damned. In Trump’s America we can’t let anything divide us and we can never, ever forget.

    David Bowie, George Michael, Prince, Pete Burns, Alexis Arquette and Carrie Fisher

    All great LGBTQ+ icons. All taken too soon in the same year. There’s not much else to say but to remember their lives and their accomplishments with nothing but love in our hearts for each time they stood up for us.

    Moonlight first LGBT film to win Best Picture at the Oscars

    2015 may have flopped with Stonewall, but 2016 made up for it with Moonlight. Not only was it the first LGBT film to feature an all-black cast, it explored sexual identity and masculinity within the African-American community with a poignancy deserving of all its won awards. Critics and fans alike love it, which hopefully tells big execs what representation and what untold stories the worldwide audience is hungry for. Let’s continue to move forward, not backwards, and fill cinemas and awards lists with sensationally progressive films like Moonlight.

     

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • 10 Signs You’re Falling Out Of Love

    For many, love is a fantastical thing that erupts sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach and more than a few uncomfortable boners. But

    10 signs you're falling out of love

    Falling in love can be magical. Falling out of love can suck.

    Here are 10 telltale signs to look out for:

    Cute Habits Turn Into Annoying Pet Peeves

    All those sweet enamoured things they used to do, like holding open doors for you or putting their arm around your waist when you walk, slowly but surely become mind-numbingly infuriating. The little things that used to make you swoon now make you groan. More so, you find yourself actually looking out for these little ticks that fuel your anger and frustration rather than turning a blind eye.

     

    You Seek Out Conflict

    Picking fights used to be this grand, scary event that you’d mentally prep yourself up for beforehand. Now? Not so much. Bickering and arguing are practically the bread and butter of your relationship. The slightest of inconvenient occurrences can feel like the heaviest of set-backs. Did he forget to tell you he was seeing his friend tonight? Of course, he did, he’s so inconsiderate. Sound familiar?

     

    Other Couples Highlight Your Insecurities

    Double dates or group hangs just remind you of what’s missing in your relationship. You can feel the palpable envy in the air when a couple who can’t keep their hands off each other begin sucking face in front of you. It’s a gut-wrenching feeling to realise the infamous spark is gone and it feels better to stick your head in the sand than have your nose rubbed in it. Chances are if you’re jealous of another couple, it’s because they have something you don’t.

     

    A Future With Them Is Unrealistic

    Planning stuff together a week in advance makes you iffy. Thinking about a long-term future plan with a picket fence and kids makes you nauseous. It’s just not realistic to daydream about backpacking together or lounging on a matching set of towels together and still have it be fun. Or even tolerable. If that much time away, with only the two of you, makes you shiver then what’s the point in being with someone?

     

    Saying Empty “I Love Yous”

    Once more, with feeling. Three words that tingled your spine the first time you dared to whisper them into his ear. Your friends made such a big deal out of it. Truthfully, when you mumble them into the phone now it’s more out of habit or courtesy than love. They ring hollow, devoid of the fiery passion they once held. If they say it back in the same monotonous tone, odds are they’ve probably fallen out of love too.

     

    A Relationship Just Isn’t What You Need Right Now

    Perhaps other priorities have risen, be it a new career opportunity or needing to take care of a sick relative, and the sad yet honest answer is simply what’s written on the tin. A relationship isn’t your priority or necessarily even what you need. We all know how we love to think we know what’s best for ourselves. But it can be a bitter pill to swallow and admit. Maybe you rushed into things. Maybe you didn’t consider what you wanted out of the relationship. Maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship right now and that’s okay if you communicate it to your partner and not let it fester up and snowball.

     

    You Care About Them… As A Friend

    Attraction is important in a relationship. It’s not everything but it does play a pivotal role. If that attraction were to burn out, what’s supposed to be left is mutual respect and trust… right? So where do the distinct lines of friendship and relationship end? Attraction is a pretty good indicator. If you’re lucky enough to have a partner that ends up feeling like both a friend and a lover, congrats, but if it leans towards platonic (and let’s be honest, you know when it does) rather than romantic then that’s pretty self-explanatory.

     

    The Thought Of Breaking-Up Isn’t Heart-Breaking

    A long time ago, losing your significant other would absolutely crush you. Three to four months of mourning, minimum. Ice cream and tears galore. What springs to mind when you think about it nowadays is… meh. Not only do you find yourself caring less and less if you’re with them or not, seeing them doesn’t make your heart pitter-patter anymore. It wouldn’t shatter if he left for good, either, and if that’s the gospel truth well then that’s a pretty darn good sign.

     

    He Doesn’t Satisfy You Anymore

    There are plenty of things to do to spice up your sex life. Whole books are written on the topic. But if your relationship is suffering its very own mid-life crisis, it’s very likely that what used to be there isn’t anymore. Perhaps that’s where the jealousy of other couple stems from; sex is no longer pleasurable or as exciting or fun as it used to be. Tearing each other’s clothes off used to be common practice. If you’ve scheduled out a mandatory coitus sesh every Sunday night, and the thought of snacking afterwards is the only driving force to your climax, then it’s a pretty clear indication that the love part of your love-making is existentially dead.

     

    You’ve Fallen For Someone Else

    The ultimate sign that you’ve fallen out of love: being in love with someone else. Of course, this last sign only applies to monogamous couples. To have someone’s undivided devotion is wondrous. What can end up stinging the most, however, is finding out the hard way that’s not the case. People don’t like hearing it but there’s no easy way around telling someone you’re in love with someone else. Coming to terms with it yourself is a good starting point.

    If any of these ten signs ring true, maybe you have a few things to consider. If not, cherish your love (or your singlehood!) and let’s all agree that love is simultaneously the biggest mystery and wonder of the world.