THEGAYUK

Category: Comment

  • COMMENT | Rise Of The Dad Bod and Proud Of It

    Well, I never… Sometimes one can be totally of the moment without doing a darn thing. It turns out I have a Dad Bod.

    The Dad Bod had been much blogged about of late; it is, and I quote, a physique that says‘’ “I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.”

    Okay, someone has clearly been reading my diary.

    The problem is that we live in a time where everything has to be overanalysed and commented on, that being Average has to have a big fat (well, if not fat exactly, then definitely lacking in killer abs) label shoved on it and described as a trend.

    Believe me, thousands of us go to the gym, begrudgingly spend 30 minutes on a treadmill and then spend Saturday night getting our moneys worth at the Chinese buffet long before it became a thing for Buzzfeed to get itself overheated about.

    Much has been written in the last few weeks about slightly gone to seed middle aged blokes. Basically we are so hit right now. That is not to say that there is not a more serious point here about what healthy looks like. Frankly though it’s rather nice to see a relatable physique put up on a pedestal for once because as much as I enjoy the stream of the shirtless and godlike on my Instagram feed, it can make one feel a little bit inadequate. And fat…

    Of course, the gays are not above shoving people into categories. “Bears” – our version of the Dad Bod, in theory at least. For the unitiated, and if you are then why the heck are you reading this website, according to Wikipedia this is a “often a larger, hairier man who projects an image of rugged masculinity.” Having been to bear club and seen the crowd reaction when the DJ drops a Kylie record, I could dispute the rugged masculinity part but that’s another story.

    The problem is that within the language of the bear community the sheer number of different boxes according to type is exhausting. To name a few ‘’panda’’, ‘’otter’’, ‘’grizzly’’, ‘’koala’’, “chub’’, “wolf’’.

    Yep, us gayers definitely like our labels. And not just on a designer jockstrap.

    Articles like the stuff about Dad Bods is yet another example of good old click bait, creating a story out of nothing to get it shared and debated on social media. Very 2015.

    But as a middle aged bloke with a bit of body hair, a love for red wine and a workout schedule that is at the moment best called “light’, I’ve often wasted time wondering where I belong on the gay scale. Not beefy or furry enough to be a bear and I vaguely remember that actual otters have webbed paws so I’m not entirely comfortable comparing myself to them.

    So Dad Bod… Yes, it’s a silly term but the good news is I read the blurb and think “Yup, that’s me’’.

    Now if you excuse me, I must work on my physique. There’s a bottle of merlot and a large Four Cheese pizza calling me and I just answer to keep on trend.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • BLOGS: Shabby Chic or just plain shabby?

    Well the time has come to put down the white paint and pick up the skips! The time has come to move on from all the white walls and white floors, the times have changed so make room for the broom because you will need it!

    The term ‘shabby chic’ has been thrown around a bit in the design world, it is only now that it has really taken a firm hold on the nation. With the help of shows such as “Kirstie’s fill your house for free” and “Brand New House For 5K” the nation has had a nudge in the right direction. The desired house look not so long ago was sheer white walls, wooden floors and designer furniture. However, because of this shift, the term ‘bin raiders’ might become a household term for each of the occupants!

    To give the idea of what shabby chic is;

    “Shabby chic is a form of interior design where furniture and furnishings are either chosen for their appearance of age and signs of wear and tear or where new items are distressed to achieve the appearance of an antique. At the same time, a soft, opulent, yet cottage-style decor, often with an affected feel is emphasised to differentiate it from genuine period decor”.

    So that is basically it.

    What I find so intriguing and great about shabby chic is that it brings back, for a lot of people, the nostalgia and memories of a once past life and history. The idea of finding something virtually being given away and putting in the effort and time to make it personal and great is just amazing. For me, the most treasured item I have ‘done up’ was my great grandmothers feature mirror. All it took was a sanding down and some spray paint. Now it takes pride of place for me to admire myself in whenever I walk past, knowing that she once looked in that mirror.

    It is apparent that there are people who think that shabby chic is tacky and sometimes ‘dirty’. I know some people have issues about germs and having used things in their home, but if that is the case, how well do you know the factories? The factories your new furniture is made in could be full of many germs, think about the more deprived areas in the world, they are just some places your ‘clean’ furniture has been made in. Just remember that before you shrug off something second hand, remember that new things are sometimes not as fresh as you think.

    So all that is left to say is give it a go! Embrace the world of shabby chic and invite it into your home, maybe throw a party to show it off? No one can deny and party.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | UKIP Deserves No Place At Pride

    I can’t believe I even have to say this, but UKIP is homophobic. That statement should be as obvious as, say, the sky is blue, or Liam is the fittest member of One Direction (sorry not sorry).

    Is every Kipper ready to go out and bash a gay? Of course not. But the party, as a whole, has a storied history of homophobia and transphobia, which Michael Segalov succinctly catalogued at Vice.

    So when it was announced that LGBT in UKIP would join LGBTory, LGBT Labour, and other party queer contingents at Pride in London, there was an understandable and wholly predictable backlash. A petition to prevent them marching was quickly launched, and several prominent individuals, including the veteran equalities campaigner Peter Tatchell, condemned the decision to allow them to participate, telling the Mirror Online “I don’t think it is appropriate for any organisation that opposes gay equality to participate in the Pride London parade.”

    Within days, organisers had reversed their decision, citing safety concerns in rejecting LGBT in UKIP’s participation and stressing the decision was not politically motivated. It’s a move Mr Tatchell called “a cop out” and Flo Lewis, the chair of LGBT in UKIP, denied, telling The Guardian that their petition was not rejected but, rather, their initial invitation was rescinded.

    Whatever the reason, the reaction on social media was almost unanimous, with people across the political spectrum tweeting to express their opposition to Pride in London’s reversal. At first glance, it seems fair enough; no organisation should be banned because their safety cannot be guaranteed. That’s a poor reflection on not just parade organisers but also our community in general. Vodka, not violence, I say. But that doesn’t change UKIP’s horrendous record, both in policy and rhetoric, on LGBT equality. And it doesn’t mean they should be included.

    Pride traditionally takes place in June for a reason. It commemorates the anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising of 28 June 1969, widely viewed as the genesis of the modern gay rights movement in America and from which the UK’s largest LGBT organisation takes its name. Originally, Pride events throughout the Western world were political acts of radical resistance to queer oppression. For years, it was one of the few times that LGBT people could be out and proud and reasonably assured of their safety. It was, if you will, the first public “safe space” for LGBT individuals, rooted in queer and trans liberation.

    For many LGBT people, it still is. Despite the corporatisation of Pride over the past decade, it is still a space that is ultimately about affirming LGBT identities and equality, one that is supposed to be free of judgement, fear, and oppressive politics. How, then, can UKIP—which opposed the introduction of equal marriage, supports the rights of Christian businesses to discriminate against LGBT people, and has more than its fair share of homophobic members—be included in good conscience?

    It can’t.

    And while it’s true that UKIP didn’t even mention LGBT rights in their manifesto, that silence is deafening—and part of the problem. Every other major party did, in one way or another, affirm a commitment to equality. UKIP refused. Instead, they let their party members speak for them. And oh God, did they. Like their candidate who called us “disgusting old poofters.” Or their MEP who said homosexuality is “abnormal and undesirable” as opposed to something to be “celebrated” (which is, you know, the entire point of Pride). Or the time a UKIP candidate claimed we cause floods. The list goes on and on.

    That doesn’t mean there aren’t pro-equality members of UKIP, or that the party isn’t making incremental progress. Richard Hendron, a former PPC, told the Mirror Online that the decision to march in the parade had the “full backing of (UKIP’s) National Executive Committee”. This is welcome news, and might well signal a shift in tone, if not policy. But it’s not enough.

    And it’s not as if LGBT Kippers have been banned from participating in Pride in London. They are just as welcome as anyone else in our community. But their party isn’t. That’s an important distinction. Of course LGBT members of UKIP are welcome. But LGBT in UKIP is not, because the party represents everything that Pride opposes: homophobia, transphobia, marginalisation, and prejudice. The group has refused to call the party on it. So while they can’t march under their party’s banner, the individuals can still participate. And I hope they will.

    But I also hope they’ll go back to UKIP and outwardly and openly challenge their party on its homophobia and transphobia. Change, more often than not, comes from within, and until LGBT in UKIP are willing to challenge the bigotry and hatred within their own ranks, the organisation has no place at Pride. Until they follow in the footsteps of the Stonewall revolutionaries, whom Pride commemorates, they have no place marching alongside those who do.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Is Pride In London Right To Ban UKIP? Either Allow All Political Parties Or Ban Them All

    I pose this question because over the past few days there has been a lot of debate around London Pride’s decision to allow UKIP to be involved in their parade, before then backtracking and banning UKIP from being a part of the festival.

    With many LGBT people feeling that UKIP should not be part of Pride events due to many of their representatives holding homophobic, biphobic and transphobic views, I can see why London Pride have backtracked. However, my personal view is that London Pride should not have banned UKIP.

    In my opinion, UKIP should be allowed to march.

    For the past three years, I have organised the Warwickshire Pride festival, which takes place in Leamington Spa each summer. Among the 75+ stalls that attend the festival, there are usually a number of political parties represented. Labour have a stall each year, my Conservative MP typically gives a speech and sticks around to enjoy the day, and other parties get involved in some form too.

    This year I received a stall application from UKIP. Along with the application was a passionate email from a representative of UKIP’s local branch, who said that although he is not LGBT himself, he supports equality and had contacted UKIP’s LGBT network to ask them to join him in supporting Warwickshire Pride. The representative acknowledged that not all people would be pleased about UKIP having a presence at a Pride event due to the reputation that the party has, but demonstrated that the local branch is willing to engage positively with the LGBT community.

    At first, I thought there’s no way that I could allow UKIP to have a presence at Warwickshire Pride. As an individual, I am wholly opposed to what UKIP stand for. I believe that the homophobic and racist comments that some of their representatives have made are abhorrent. However, once I calmed down a bit I began to consider that if I allow other political parties to have a presence at the festival, it’s not fair of me to ban UKIP. That would be discrimination, which is not in the spirit of Pride, and I would also be allowing my personal views to affect my professionalism. Therefore I decided to allow UKIP to book a stall.

    I also took the issue to my board of trustees, who agreed that we cannot discriminate against a political party because we don’t like their views. It was decided that we either allow all political parties who want to join in with the Pride celebrations to do so or ban them all.

    The fact that UKIP is making an effort to become involved with a Pride festival shows that they’re not all bad people. In every political party, there are positive and negative representatives. Just look at how many Conservative MPs were against marriage equality and other LGBT equality laws. Yet there doesn’t seem to be any protest against the Conservatives having a presence at Pride events.

    Ultimately Pride is about representing all LGBT people and the entirety of our culture. I am mindful that there are LGBT people who support UKIP, despite how the party is perceived. When I began organising Warwickshire Pride I was keen to create something for everyone to enjoy, and as much as I may not like it on a personal level, that does include allowing UKIP to come along and join the celebrations.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Are Gay Dads Being Left Out In The Cold?

    We now have same-sex marriage; a long fought fight to gain the same rights as straight couples and although the law has changed to reflect this, have attitudes actually changed on the ground?

    I am a gay father of a 10-year-old girl and an 8-year-old boy. Whilst I have to say I have not experienced a vast amount of homophobia with the children myself and my partner, there is still a distinct difference being made.

    Book a family ticket at the theatre, a theme park, or any other venue where this is an offering and I can almost guarantee they will expect Mum, Dad and 2.4 children. When you turn up as two Dads with the children there is still an audible gasp of horror that we have the bare-faced cheek to call ourselves “a family”.

    Families nowadays come in all shapes and sizes and having gay parents is just another variation on the theme.

    I have certainly experienced the palpable disgust at two men daring to take children to the theatre and expand their cultural horizons.

    Try taking the children to the park, people still look disapprovingly at the fact there are two men daring to love children and are bringing them up to be respectful, accepting and tolerant individuals, imagine that?

    People are generally not vocal in the presence of the children but I have experienced the shooing of other children away from mine, as if having gay parents may be catching. In fact I wish it was, my children are fully aware of what it means to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender. They are not judgemental in anyway and realise every person regardless of their sexual orientation has the right to love another. There are no prejudices in this household. Honesty is the best policy as children are able to fathom a lot more than we tend to give them credit for and look at things with a far more simplistic logic that us as adults seem to have lost.

    Although strides have been made in the acceptance of gay couples, I still feel there is a long way to go for gay parents. Two dads, two kids, two dogs, we are just a family – We can’t all be Elton and David but surely we can all be accepted.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | My First Record Was The Shoop Shoop Song by Cher – I Did Not Need To Come Out

    It always makes me giggle when someone asks me how and at what age I came out. As I never really had to. I may as well have been born adorned in a rainbow flag, shooting side eyes at my dad’s hair style/fashion sense, and wearing placenta as a shawl. For me, coming out was a concept completely alien to me as there is no shadowing the fact that I am gloriously gay.

    I can’t even begin to connect as to how difficult it has been, and still is, for people to come out to their family & friends. I had it very easy and I’m grateful and more for that. My dad was probably the only hurdle I encountered. I think it is generally the father that needs to… get over it, essentially.

    He tried to tell me it was a phase. But I’m not sure how he ignored the following signs…

    1) The five years I was absolutely obsessed with Barbie, Cindy, My Little Pony, Polly Pocket, and Sylvanian Families.

    2) Aged four I insisted to dad that Wolf from Gladiators was my boyfriend (Don’t ask- I literally don’t know what I was thinking), to which he corrected me saying “No, I think you mean he’s your hero”. To which my response, quite adamantly was, “No. He’s my boyfriend”.

    3) Kids at school had to write a letter to their favourite famous person. Whilst most kids chose The Queen, I naturally wrote to my wolfman declaring my love. Daddy was delighted when I brought that home. I assumed when he burnt it this was the method that all fan mail took, as the same ceremony would happen at Christmas with my letter to Santa, up in flames, up the chimney to be swept away to its destination. It’s only poetic to a point.

    4) Aged four, I wanted to be a pop star. Guess who? Uh-Oh. Madonna! I asked if I could make my own pop video, so dad filmed me frolicking in a frock with mums pearls and granny’s long black wig to “Like A Virgin” and “Cherish”.

    5) I always wanted the girls toy Happy Meals from McDonald’s. On one occasion, dad clutching my Barbie meal bumps into a business associate in there who says to him, “I thought you had a son?”.

    6) My first record was Cher- The Shoop Shoop Song

    At school I adopted a “deal with it or don’t” attitude. If anyone did have a problem, it went over my head. I think because I was so open and impervious by negativity it kind of left any “haters” nowhere to go.

    If someone said “GAY” as I walked past, I would assume they were merely being observational. Any gossip I heard about me I just banked as “column inches”.

    Most of the time people were too busy picking their jaws up off the floor as I confidently mince past with my shirt unbuttoned from the bottom revealing my belly button piercing, bronzed cheek bones and clutching my books American high-school girl style, headphones on blasting something Sugababes.

    I think being a born and bred Brightonian made things easier too. As a young boy growing up with an abundance of gay people around you (in my family too), I never knew or thought of there being different preferences, or “boxes”, if you like. I never knew sexuality was such a big deal. What a wonderful world that was.

    How it all changed as I emerged into adulthood to then be seeing and hearing of parents disowning their children, hate crimes, people living lies and keeping secrets for years. Humans don’t seem to have harnessed the ability to just “be”. There is constant questioning and requirement for tedious justification.

    It should be nobody’s business, worry, or concern as to who we share our heart and body with. It should not be a question. It should not be a thought. I wish for a world where one day there are no coming out stories, because no one will care. A world where sexuality will be accepted as easily as to recognise the moon from a star. Unfortunately I believe my wish is akin to wishing for world peace…

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Truvada Friend or an enemy?

    The use of Truvada as a prophylactic medication has awakened a rage of discussion and controversy.

    (C) marcbruxel Depositphotos
    (C) marcbruxel Depositphotos

    In Europe, the discussion is not that heated yet, but in the US, it is already on fire. Last year, the president of the AIDS Healthcare Foundation wrote an article in New York Times about Truvada, and that caught my interest. He was advocating against Truvada. It made me wonder, why are people for or against a medication like this?

    I decided to do a little “research”, and browsed through numerous articles and discussions about the expanded use of a medication such as Truvada.

    What I found in numerous comments was that, stigma and judgment are well positioned and in place, and that is a shame. Stigma and judgment will not bring anything good to the table. There are already two camps that developed – those who are for using Truvada and those who are against it or do not want anyone to use it.

    Since the discovery of HIV, we have been dreaming about a vaccine or an effective treatment.

    Right from the beginning, large amounts of resources have been deployed to find a cure and to find a vaccine. However, we soon understood that neither a cure nor a vaccine would be found overnight. We have never given up hope though, and today, there are several companies and different entities that specialise in such research.

    I believe that in 10 or 20 years, we will either have a new form of effective treatment or a vaccine. But, how are we going to react? I know Truvada is not a vaccine. It’s actually not a new drug. It was discovered in 2004, but has always been used only for the treatment of HIV – until now.

    So, what is wrong or good with Truvada?

    Those who advocate for it say that it is a sort of a revolution in the prevention of HIV. You take a tablet each day, and you sorted out (well, sort of). Those opposing Truvada say that it does not protect you from other STDs, and, if not taken properly, not only will it not fully protect, it also gives you false security.

    People may ask you, what do you think? How to respond to a question like this?

    “You know, I do not like condoms, and I will never use them. But I am willing to use Truvada, and it is something I actually believe in. What do you think?”

    How should one respond to such a question? Advocate for the use of condoms, just for the sake of it, or recommend Truvada on its own, or together with condoms?

    Questions likes these, related to the use of Truvada, will appear and challenge us, more and more in the coming years. I am sure there will be several more medications approved for prophylactic use, and, at the ultimate moment, the emergence of a vaccine will occur. I suppose a vaccine for HIV is a dream of many; just a single shot and you never get HIV. Sounds great? A vaccine will, again, protect us from HIV only, not from other STDs.

    So, are we going to be willing to give the vaccine to everyone, even if it would mean a widespread drop in the use of condoms?

     

    by JZ

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT: Unless You Take A Selfie Did It Really Happen?

    Selfies. We’ve all read how that it is the word of the past couple of years. The buzzword that sums up the zeitgeist. They’ve mutated now to the point for the true selfie aficionado, the timer on your camera phone is your New Best Friend. Of course the true classics of the genre still occur in a bedroom or bathroom. Or if really bored, on public transport. Swiftly uploaded to social media with a snappy caption.

    However as a Gay Man, I’m aware of a whole other sub category. This is the locker room selfie. Yes, the post workout shot in a mirror, usually accompanied by words like ”Arms Day!” or ”Making Progress!!”. These are the selfies that invariably elict a groan as they pop up on the newsfeed. Whilst eyeing that half empty packet of digestives with a mix of regret and guilt.

    I know personally I once deleted an acquaintance from Facebook who not only posted a daily locker room selfie (I felt I knew the geography of his gym changing room better than my own kitchen) but also posted an album entitled ”My New Vest”. Twelve pictures. Wearing a new gym vest. From different angles. That was my tipping point.

    Each picture elicited comments of ”Looking Good!”, ”Getting Big Buddy” or an ever articulate ”Grrrr!!!”. And indeed he was impressive, if way out of proportion (it was plainly not often Legs Day). So it was all for validation. Or vanity. Or both. Well, yes. But the cult of the selfie also stems from a basic need for material.

    Newsflash: bodybuilding existed before the invention of camera phones. Also people bought new clothes prior to the dawn of the Internet. But now we live in an age when if something is not documented and uploaded, did it really happen?

    So a self portrait is if not a substitute for conversation, then an artificial starting point for it, provoking comment or ”likes” in a quick, obvious way. And being good at social media is reliant on a constant stream of Something. In a short attention span, sound bite world then it can only exist if we constantly upload the new and the current. We’ve all cottoned on that anything is fair game. A new vest, you on your daily commute to work, a pumped pair of biceps. It’s why Instagram exists at all.

    Every day is Judgement Day. We share glimpses of our bodies on the internet, be it via a post workout snap or a holiday beachwear photo all the time. Now you know what your work colleagues look like in shorts. You may not necessarily want to but… And as human beings it’s virtually impossible not to compare. The sheer number of images that exist makes it inevitable.

    Growing up in the 1970s, cameras were wheeled out on high days and holidays. Having a picture taken was An Event. Something for Christmas, Birthdays or Holidays. Now sitting at home bored and watching telly is an event. A quick fiddle with your iPhone and the world can see your sitting at home, watching telly, bored face. Boredom and the mundane is worthy of being documented in the rush to fill a vacuum with new material to share.

    In a similar way, the accessibility of cameras has changed the way we view our bodies. The naked selfie, like those we send to a potential or current lover. We are part of a generation that can do that. In the old days, which seem like the Stone Ages now, no one would dare take anything ”rude” to Boots for developing.

    Horror stories abounded of the nice lady down the road who was dragged out of the local chemist by the Vice Squad and labelled a pornographer just because her husband was feeling artistic one evening. And Polaroid cameras were all well and good but now we are surrounded by the instant technology for capturing images.

    More means to photograph ourselves means more opportunities to view ourselves. More room for self criticism. The massive world of images of each other that engulf us is a constant invite to comparison. We are now more aware of how each other look undressed. A casual lying in bed on a Sunday morning selfie tweeted to our followers is now not only an invite to judge ones bedlinen but to survey the muscle tone in ones arms and shoulders.

    Of course this is not to say that everybody is frantically uploading near naked pictures of themselves. There are many who never would, which in its own way is just as telling. The absence of a casual (or posed) display of flesh in itself becomes a statement. I have a good friend who swears he would rather die than post a shirt off photo on Facebook as he ”doesn’t have the body”. Not strictly true. He does indeed have a body. He is also a smart, attractive man who exercises regularly. So why the insecurity?

    But also I understand the reason why. In a time where gym selfies have become a genre all in themselves, where fit, well muscled men can upload pictures of themselves and complain they are not yet big or defined enough, then is it that much of a surprise? And yeah, many of those same ripped fitness types are stereotypically vain, egotistical tossers brandishing their camera phones like a weapon. Just as many however look at the pictures and see only what they consider flaws. Just like those of us who never break a sweat.

    That’s the other thing about selfies; we dismiss them a lot of the time as vanity. Yet we still look and judge. We show people a split second of ourselves. It may be contrived, edited but 15 years ago did you ever dream you would see an old school chum straight out of the shower, getting ready for a night out in the privacy of their own bathroom? And what do you think on seeing that? That her taste in bathroom tiles is a bit suspect. Oh and hasn’t she put on a lot of weight…

    Our selfies say a lot about ourselves. How we view each others says more.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | The Natural Order, Marriage Referendum

    Friday 22nd May sees an important and somewhat historic day for Ireland, as a marriage referendum will be cast to see if same-sex marriage will be legalised.

    If the yes vote wins out, Ireland will be the first country in the world to pass a marriage equality bill by national vote. This is an exciting time, not only for the Irish nation but also for LGBT rights in general.

    Throughout my social media feeds there are pleas for both sides of the argument, which as I read from comment to comment make me happy and frustrated in equal measure. As I scroll through them I can’t help but be reminded of two years ago, when the bill was being rolled through our parliament here in Britain.

     

    Back then in February 2013, I posted an online survey asking the social media flock for their anonymous opinions on the matter at hand. The artist in me decided to delve into it head first to find out whether the people of Great Britain had great pride or great prejudice. I created a photographic series entitled The Natural Order with some of my results. Somewhat unfortunately this piece is still relevant today so in lieu of Friday’s vote I decided to dig into my archives and promote it again.

    I posted one simple thing:

    “Please can you tell me what your honest opinions are about same-sex marriage. Be as negative or as positive as you like, just be honest.”

     

    And honest they were…

    Homosexuals are obviously mentally twisted since they resist what nature has already determined. Their deviant sexual behaviors are proven to be disease ridden and from personal experience I can say that they have been an unusual high percentage of child predators. Gay marriage normalizes their gross ways and will endanger our children.”

    “It’s a sickness on our society in every sense of the word. Homosexuality, to me, is just as bad as incest. Two people of the same family having sex, let alone getting married, is instinctively frowned upon. So why in black thunder does anyone think it should be perfectly acceptable for two members of the same gender to have sex, let alone get married?”

    “They must be deranged in the mind to fight against the natural order of God’s creation. All they see is happy pink not their disgusting truth.”

    I had prepared myself for the odd negative comment, but still found myself completely taken aback by the outrageous opinions festering in these strangers’ minds. Some of the negativity made me want to laugh, some made me angry and some produced a bizarre mixture of both. Being compared to a “child predator“ was one comment in particular that made me laugh at first and then turn red in the face with frustration. The comment about incest is too ridiculous to even comment on.

    A lot of the anonymous writers questioned the mental state of a homosexual person – suggesting we are “deranged in the mind.” These comments empower the belief that a heterosexual couple should be celebrated because they’re committed to one another yet a homosexual couple should be committed for wanting the same celebration.

    “It’s a direct mockery of the natural order of things (i.e God’s creation). While I’ve heard some people argue that it happens in the animal kingdom, I have to remind you that we, as humans, are not dumb animals! God did not intend for members of the same sex to marry each other, otherwise he would’ve created two men and two women, and told them their options…”

    “It’s disgusting and unnatural”

    “Marriage is religious construct, you cannot ask for something that the religion does not believe in.”

    The reasoning behind the majority of this adverse attitude was unsurprisingly linked to religion; something that I’m certain will be the root of the no votes in Ireland on Friday. I received a constant reference to “God’s natural order,” throughout the replies. As an atheist who is standing up for same-sex rights, my view of God’s natural order is obviously biased but the consistent referral to His creation made me just as angry as being called a peadophile.

    I’m not here to list my anti-religious views or argue whether God exists but I cannot justify intelligent human minds in today’s society using God as an excuse. If there is a God, then he created me, and he created me as a homosexual. It is irritating that some people still see homosexuality as a choice, when it is not. It is natural and because that fact is somehow lost in translation between homosexuals and heterosexuals, the anti-crowd turns straight to God as an alibi for their ignorance. Quite a large chunk of my conceptual photographs were created with a religious thought in mind.

    “How is it acceptable for a heterosexual person to marry several times but not for a gay person to marry once?”

    “Currently, 50% of heterosexual marriages end in divorce & those are people who have never had to fight for the marital right. But, like the now infamous image states “Marriage is a human right, not a heterosexual privilege.”

    I am pleased to say that a lot of the survey feedback was positive. The above two answers suggest interesting points about the state of heterosexual marriage – competing with another survey reply,

    “Homosexuals will make marriage a joke.” I am uncertain whether the quoted statistic above of 50% is a fact but it still leads to the same conclusion that many people remarry and remarry and have the right to do so yet a same sex couple cannot have the same privilege even once.

    “Homosexuals will make marriage a joke.” I am uncertain whether the quoted statistic above of 50% is a fact but it still leads to the same conclusion that many people remarry and remarry and have the right to do so yet a same sex couple cannot have the same privilege even once.

    “Unnatural and Immoral. You have to ask yourself what would Jesus do? And know that his answer would be opposed to the ludicrousness.”

    The results I gathered made for interesting reading no matter how absurd or low the answerer sunk. They became the backbone to my personal conceptual art project The Natural Order. For the negative results, I wanted to turn the answers into a “ludicrous” version of themselves through portraiture and tableaus. Whereas the positive results simply inspired me to push further towards equality awareness.

    I was disgusted that the opinions collated through modern social networking sites contradicted the modern means with the old fashioned views. Yet as the same-sex marriage bill still steadily rolls its way through the world, soon the opinions of the anti-party will be voided out by the equal rights decision to allow anyone to get married, no matter their gender. It is only natural after all.

    The series was part of a group exhibition at UCA Rochester Campus in June 2013 and can be seen now online here www.markgoggin.tumblr.com.

    “Love is love, we are born the way we’re born, and it’s literally stupid to think homosexuals shouldn’t be allowed to marry in the same way heterosexuals are. Why is it STILL even up for discussion? Equality for all, one earth.”

     

     

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  • COMMENT | Leaving The Rat Race

    Is it brave or stupid to up sticks, sell everything and simplify your life?

    The problem with the rat race is it doesn’t matter if you win or lose; you’re still a rat. I remember reading this once and it stayed with me. Am I a small, smelly, hairy mammal? Well, yes. But a rat? I think not. It was about 2002 and I was working as an Associate Director for a global market research organisation. I loved my job, but it could be stressful and sometimes meant working until 11pm if it looked as if a deadline was in jeopardy. The market research interviewers were mostly resting actors so I could camp it up at work and have a laugh. The money was good enough for me to be able to afford a nice little two bedroom house next to Victoria Park in Hackney so I had no complaints.

    My partner and I sat talking over breakfast one Saturday about moving to the country when we were old(er) and grey(er). A bona latty with a bit of land. Chickens, haystacks, homemade jam, rainbows and glitter. It all sounded so perfect. I was in my thirties, my partner in his forties, that’s over a hundred in gay years. That Monday we put our houses on the market and gave our notice at work. Why wait for retirement?

    Four months later we moved into a cottage with two acres of garden on the Lincolnshire Fens. It was all very Tom and Barbara. We had chickens, we had ducks, we had our own orchard, we started a business selling make-up and perfume on local markets. The only thing we didn’t have was an income. We’d seen so many pig-ugly people we were sure make-up would be a best seller. Wrong. I was a market researcher who hadn’t researched his market. Stupid boy.

    Before going into market research I had had all sort of jobs from settling bets at a bookmakers to packing frocks in a warehouse to managing nightclubs in Soho, but they weren’t exactly transferable skills so I started work as a part time shelf stacker at B&Q. I went through a few low paying part time and zero hours jobs before landing an ok paying ‘proper’ job with the local council.

    A job with the council. Security. Pension. Sorted. I looked forward to growing a fat bum and getting lazy.

    Ah, but no, it turns out working for the council actually does involve hard work. Who knew? And then along comes credit crunch, followed by recession followed by austerity. With these demons came restructures and redundancies. I was very lucky. I ran two business centres and five industrial estates for the council.

    My team bought in revenue so it was unlikely that we would be closed down altogether like so many other non-statutory service areas. Despite this, I had 5 years of stress wondering if we would hit our revenue targets, wondering if I or any of my team would find our jobs made redundant but still making sure our customers were happy and well looked after with no budget, no resources and nowhere near enough staff.

    Was the good life in the country what we had been looking for? All things considered, yes. Once we left work, got home and slipped into something more comfortable we didn’t really think about work until the next day. I could look out of our living room window at a big field with no houses in sight. Even better, it was our field. We had a nice big motorhome and went off for weekends and holidays with our friends. Life was good.

    And then it happened again.

    My partner from London was now my husband. He and I were talking about one day, when the house and garden become too big for us, selling up, buying a little flat to rent out and travelling around in our motorhome until we are ready to settle down again. We really need to stop talking, it always leads to upheaval. A week later we had a cash buyer for the house and we’d handed in our notice at work.

    So, here we are less than a year later. We bought a seaside bungalow which we rent out by the week as a holiday let. It pays for itself and we’ll live in it eventually. We now live in our motorhome and work as wardens on a small camp site on the shore of Bala Lake in rural Wales.

    We’re a fifty minute drive from the nearest supermarket. We work ten hours a day if it’s busy, maybe one hour if it’s not. We please ourselves. We’re here until the end of October and then who knows? We sold or gave away all our possessions except the few bits we carry in the van with us and some treasures stored in the lofts of friends and family. We feel liberated and happy.

    My day used to begin with noise, people and fighting to get on the 26 bus along Hackney Rd. This morning I let the chickens out and escorted an escaped sheep back into the field next door.

    So, is it brave or stupid to up sticks, sell everything and simplify your life? I don’t know yet, ask me in a year.

     

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  • COMMENT: Dear Fitness Instructor

    This morning I discovered not one but two new followers on twitter that were both fitness instructors, one was a supposed celebrity instructor and the other one from what I could gather was specifically for the gay community.

    ©-stetsik-Depositphotos
    ©-stetsik-Depositphotos

    It made me take note a bit because when I’m going through my twitter feed I am inundated with images of delicious food which in itself makes me constantly hungry and reminds me that I wish I could spend all of my time in the kitchen, cooking, eating, writing and entertaining. Unfortunately like a lot of us foodie bloggers I have a full time job so this is just not a viable option not yet anyway. Intertwined with all these images of food are images of equally delicious men, all bronzed, toned, bulging in the right places with teeth gleamingly white as snow. It’s my own fault, I follow these feeds so I only have myself to blame. Some are celebrities, some are photographers, and then there are the underwear companies, gay magazines, swimwear sites, other aesthetically pleasing fitness instructors, actors, singers and even the odd porn star. Please note that I only followed them, the porn stars that is, just because they followed me and it’s courteous to do so on twitter, is it not? As far as I’m aware I’m not being followed by any celebrities that I know of.

    In theory, my obsession with food should make me obese or at the very least in that slightly lower category of just fat or the even more polite arena of “you’ve put on a few pounds”, as my best friend not so long ago told me. I most certainly should be on the Katie Hopkins hit list and be told that I need to “eat less and move more”. The fact is that I do eat an awful lot of food. I eat obviously at home, I also eat out a lot, I entertain at dinner parties, have friends over for breakfasts, host supper clubs, test recipes, bake cakes, eat biscuits, review cookbooks, attend launches, the list seems endless with one common denominator, food.

    I would love to have a toned rippling body but I just don’t have the time, no really I don’t, I don’t live near a gym so it would take me forty minutes to get to one, add that to a minimum of an hour in the gym then you are talking two and a half hours’ worth of my day, it’s just not going to happen. Ideally what I’d like is one those fitness instructors to knock on my door, I will be ready in my gym gear, he can have an hour’s worth of my time at times to suit me five times a week for the next eight weeks and then by all means he can photograph me ‘before’ and ‘after’ and prove that it can be done.

    I don’t need the nutritional advice stuff, I know all that I just need the workout. I have no doubt it can be achieved but then after those eight weeks what happens? Rest assured no doubt my fitness instructor will issue me with a daily twenty minute routine I can do in my own home without the need to go to a gym, only one problem here, I used to enjoy getting ready to get sweaty with my fitness instructor, I’m unlikely to motivate myself to do sit ups, push ups and weights on my own in my bedroom with two cats a dog running around my feet when I’d rather be watching Mary Berry on TV saying to myself “those hands are not going to whisk much longer” or planning my next ten course supper club the theme of which could be ‘How to lose those love handles and still eat well’ featuring a course from all the latest health guru cookbooks like Deliciously Ella, Eat Nourish Glow or the annoyingly beautiful mother and daughter team whose recipes are all the vogue these days, Hemsley and Hemsley. I won’t go there with my opinions on the model turn cook brigade.

    I do exercise, I walk most places and run a few times a week and I am on my feet more often than not, granted a lot of the time with a glass of wine in my hand but standing up still counts as calorie burning in my world. I can safely say that the main reason I’m not overweight is that I eat in moderation, I always cook from fresh, never eat processed foods, never touch anything with artificial sweeteners in, never calorie count, never diet, I listen to my body and I understand food. When it’s coming up for my holidays and I need to look reasonably alright in my swimwear (not speedo’s, that’s another debate) I will cut out the carbs a bit and eat less sugars. I am happy, happy with myself, happy with the way I look, happy with my boyfriend and he is happy with me. I’m not depressed that I will never have a six pack, the time and effort getting one must be extremely satisfying if that’s your thing. I’d much rather my time and energy went on my hobby of food.

    However on a final note I was wondering if I could cut a deal with any of my fitness instructor followers.

    You knock at my door five times a week so we can get sweaty together and I’ll provide you with a perfect nutritionally balanced meal to take away with you every visit? Get in touch.

     

    by @TheGourmetGays

     

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