THEGAYUK

Category: Comment

  • COMMENT: Not Trans Enough – The cost of a “Gendered” name

    What’s the cost of a gendered name? Lola was discharged after the clinic that they* had attended for two years determined that not changing their name from Lola to a male gendered or gender neutral name did not warrant the surgery that would ultimately make them feel more like Lola.

    When I went to the gender identity clinic’s (GIC) welcoming session, they proudly told me that they treated non-binary transgender people. A non-binary person is someone who identifies as something other than male or female. I am agender, so I am neither of those options.

    It’s taken me a long time to get to where I am. I was born with a condition that caused me to not produce many hormones, including oestrogen and testosterone. I was put on hormone replacement therapy when I was 12 and now I take both oestrogen and testosterone.

    Being quite androgynous when I was younger, I got bullied frequently by others demanding to know my gender. That made me want to fit in. I didn’t resist hormone replacement therapy when I was 12. I embraced it. It was about growing older to me. But the more I developed, the worse I felt.

    When I discovered the concept of “agender”, it fit. It matched how I felt my entire life and it just made sense to me. I suspected for years and years that I wanted my chest to not be there any more. And when I finally put on a binder – everything fit.

    For the last five years, I’ve been pursuing chest surgery. Unfortunately, my chest isn’t large enough to merit what I want through the NHS. So, with the encouragement of my doctors and despite the warnings from other non-binary people, I went through the GIC.

    I waited two years in total from start to finish to be denied. I had two assessments with two different psychiatrists, lasting an hour and a half each. In three hours, I told the truth. I told them where I came from, what I’d been through, and what I needed from them.

    Two days ago, I received a discharge from the GIC. It stated:

    “We would not countenance endorsement of an irreversible surgical procedure unless the individual had been able to demonstrably consolidate a social transition including name change to the preferred gender role.”

    I don’t recall even begin asked during my assessment if I had plans to change my name. The name I go by is Lola. I love it. I don’t care if it’s not “gender neutral” because my experience of being androgynous early in life is that no matter what, if people can’t guess your gender, they’ll just ask.

    Changing my name to something gender neutral won’t actually make anyone see me for who I am. It’ll just make people ask me what I am. I don’t live in a society where people will ever see me as agender just from looks, so, as frustrated as it makes me, I cope with it by trying my best to accept it. What’s more important for me is having my body feel right.

    And it doesn’t. As the summer months approach, my anxiety increases thinking of the way the heat reminds me of the constant presence of my chest. Every day I feel like I’m lugging around two giant tumours. The psychological relief I feel by wearing a binder is good, but the physical discomfort and pain of it cutting into my skin makes it not a good enough long-term solution.

    While I owe my life to the NHS and I am glad for the treatment I receive for my disability, the lack of money allocated toward GICs only means that they are forced to pick and choose. Individuals who go to a GIC and wait 9-6 months for a first appointment and longer to be assessed, we’re not confused about what we want.

    The journey it takes to realising your gender is different and your need for medical assistance begins way before you reach a GIC, so most already know how they feel before they get assessed. Still, with a limited pot of funding, I suppose they must make decisions based on ridiculous, outdated criteria.

    Criteria that make it impossible for agender people to actually receive any care.

    Around this time of Transgender Visibility, I would like people to know and see the struggles transgender and non-binary people face to receive care. And maybe, in time, “GIC” won’t be such a tumultuous word among transgender people.

    Lola is currently fundraising for their chest surgery via YouCaring.

    *We asked Lola which pronoun they were most comfortable us using to describe them.

    This article was taken from Issue 11 of TheGayUK. To Subscribe click here

    by Lola

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT: Why The World Needs David Walliams

    Last Wednesday it was announced in the media that David Walliams and Lara Stone are divorcing.

    As David has always been a very private man this should have been, enough information to satisfy anyone not in their immediate circle. But surprisingly, the next day there was an avalanche of headlines and frontages that seemed almost from a different era. The blame was put squarely on David’s beloved camp persona and his love for playing female characters.

    The writing seemed offensively homophobic and more about the change of hurting David than an article informing the public on why the couple are divorcing.

    (The claim that Lara did not know about David’s image before they were married seems quite far-fetched, as she spoke about watching his work following their courtship in interviews soon after they begun dating.)

    On Twitter and message boards two certain groups of people seemed very concerned with David’s sexuality and his dresses, as if the two are always mutually inclusive.

    Isn’t it sad that in 2015 a camp man with a love for dressing up still seems so threatening to the media and certain parts of the population?

    The idea of a man being at ease with his feminine side and appreciating same sex beauty still seems like one of the biggest taboos in the world (one man even wrote to the Daily Telegraph to say people like him should be castrated. And no, he was not part of ISIS.)

    David has always fought against these taboos, from his earliest interviews on he has spread the message that being locked in a box of forced masculinity is boring and worse, limiting. It is also damaging to some-one’s personality, always having to think about whether doing something is or isn’t “gay” or “feminine”. People raised to be aware of such things are often the ones that end up attacking others who are more “open minded” and free spirited.

    In a time where people who are transgender, gay, flamboyant or in any other way different from the “norm” are facing fresh oppression around the world (homophobia is rising in the UK), people like David are needed to spread a counter message.

    David is working hard at doing this and is succeeding.

    His book The Boy in the Dress, which he admitted was semi autobiographical, is selling in countries where being gay, trans or different is illegal, changing young peoples outlook, showing that being different is actually being normal.

    In the UK the book has changed young boys considerably and in a good way: helping them understand and accept their more feminine male classmates.

    This World’s Book Day it was clear how much of a difference David is truly making: his timeline was flooded with young boys proudly in dresses, some mothers said they even demanded makeup! These boys were not afraid to do what they wanted, not limited in their choices: they just thought wearing a dress was fun. This book has opened their eyes. So if in future they may see or be the person that preferences the feminine over the masculine, they will see it as normal – having David’s message in their mind.

    But he has done more. The following might sound odd to people, but his flirting with Simon Cowell (and other men,) which has also been judged by the media and parts of the public, is also important to society. When David first appeared on Got Talent having David flirt with Simon on a big pre-watershed family TV show tells the world: “Hey, flirting with someone of the same gender is not weird or scary. It’s just as normal as a male judge flirting with a female judge.” And yes, it has brought difference. Young kids are talking about “loving” how David flirts with Simon, saying they want that kind of relationship too. They are “shipping” them as they would male and female characters. They see it as normal. Also David is not “pretending” to be gay, as some say.

    Over the years he has made it as clear as possible, without actually saying the words, that he has attraction to men and women, and would just at as easily have married a man had he found the right one.

    NOT that it matters, as that is not the message he is trying to spread. He is going beyond this, saying everyone should be able to be who they are: difference is to be celebrated. This has even affected Simon Cowell, who has changed considerably and even allowed David to put him in a dress and last season had David sat on his lap.

    Maybe this is what scares some people so much about David Walliams. They fear he is threatening their masculinity, their sexuality.

    Is his mission to put every man in drag and make up? Is he forcing people into homosexuality?

    Of course he is not, don’t be ridicules. No, he is just trying to change your attitude. It is not just about dresses or sexuality or gender, but difference: “It is alright to be different”. He is trying to spread tolerance.

    Think about it: who wouldn’t want to live in a world where no one is judged for being who they are? This is his message and if the new generation can understand that message, if boys and girls alike can be free in how they want to express themselves, maybe it is time that the adults allowed themselves this freedom again too.

    Many parents, thankfully do understand, as these messages posted to him show:

    Thankfully David still seems to be himself. When asked at his book tour on Thursday ‘if stealing was legal, what would you like to steal?’ David quickly retorted: ‘Simon Cowell’s heart’…

     

    NEVER change!

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | What is it about gay bars and their disgusting toilets

    Public toilets and gay men have gone fist-in-hand since communal lavs u-bended it on to the scene. But in 2015 we no longer have to skulk around dirty loos looking for love.

    Now sausage-jockeys don’t have to frequent filthy washrooms, you’d think we’d refrain from doing so.

    Gay men are associated with the art of pairing the right Aquascutum Herringbone twill trouser with the perfect Yohji Yamamoto chunky knit. As well as having the same skill with a feather duster and fur-hemmed marigolds as Nigella Lawson has with a rolled up tenner. And all poofs are guaranteed winners of any quiche baking competition.

    So if crafty-butchers are male versions of Channel 4’s cleaning queens Kim Woodburn and Aggie MacKenzie why do homos accept the putrid odours, urine-soaked floors and lack of scented hand wash that characterise toilets of gay bars?

    But the stereotype of the hygienic, clean-freak batty-boy is exactly that – just a stereotype.

    Yours truly has undertaken extensive research up and down the country over the past 16 years, examining the quality and cleanliness of loos in poof pubs and bender bars. To this day not one homosexual drinking establishment’s lavs has matched, or surpassed that of a common-or-garden All Bar One.

    Take the men’s bogs at that one on the corner, for suited gentlemen.. one of Soho’s busiest bender hangouts. They refurbished their lavs a couple of years ago – a decade late but nevertheless. The walls are caked in what looks like a dodgy sponge effect blood and primary red tiles, and gloss cream tiles with a mini pyramid mosaic texture. Clearly, the person responsible for this interior atrocity spent too much time in Rupert’s slash-room. Inhaling the intoxicating fumes addling their creativity.

    Only two cubicles for the boys. Both are missing proper toilet seats and locks. Loo roll, if any, has all the silkiness of an acrylic cardi from Primark.

    Their stainless steel communal urinal wasn’t fortunate enough to be part of the upgrade and has no doubt seen more cock than that of all the Catholic priests residing in the Vatican. If steel could talk. The damn thing is hanging on by the skin of its rusty screws.

    That bar that’s famous for its go-go boys’ WC is also a delight to visit. It’s positioned in the basement, as most powder-rooms are in Soho. However, the stench punches you in the honker before you’ve even hit basement level. Waders would be the correct footwear for a widdle in this gaff but sadly Tom Ford hasn’t released a range to-date. Soap is like a brightly lit sky in Blighty during February. Is Jo Malone alien to bar managers?

    In most fag-boozers there’s the perfume-pushers trying to scrape together their bus fare home, pressing you to squirt a soupçon of their tired and mankey bottles of JPG, Paco Rabanne and Kouros. Or forcing Tesco’s basic own brand soap into your palms before you’ve had time to readjust.

    Undoubtedly nostril curdling whiffs, wee wee streams and dated 80s style décor are the theme of gay bar bogs.

    If you know of any shirt-lifter haunts’ loos that come up to standard – do share. Thabulous would love to be proved wrong.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OP ED: Domestic Violence: We need to talk about the female perpetrator

    As we are coming up to International Women’s Day Broken Rainbow UK would like to discuss the on-going issue in contemporary society of the female perpetrator and how we come to terms with her existence.

    For many this is an uncomfortable conversation to have, but having it does not undermine the decades of work by feminist movements in raising awareness of men’s violence against women. Talking about the issue doesn’t mean that domestic violence isn’t overwhelmingly a gendered issue, but what it does mean is that the conversation needs to be broader and the support in place more inclusive.

    For too long we appear to have been convinced domestic violence and abuse can only occur between a man and a woman in a heterosexual relationship and it is high time we try and understand that women in same-sex relationships can be as violent and abusive as their male counterparts.

    Following the sentencing of the mother of the killed eight-year-old girl Ayesha Ali and her partner this week, it has become very clear just how the female perpetrator is described as someone ‘possessed’ or ‘acting like a witch’ rather than an individual who has committed a crime.

    This in many ways belittles the violent act committed by these two women and also makes a very complex and traumatic series of events, into a very simplified and one-sided narrative.

    It is clear that the child and the mother were both subject to systematic domestic abuse and violence by the mother’s partner. The mother in this situation must be understood as simultaneously a victim and perpetrator of violence.

    As an LGBT confidential helpline for victims and perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse Broken Rainbow supports many female perpetrators of violence and we are aware of the complexity of the situation and the constant silencing of the issue.

    We need to start recognising that just as heterosexual men can be violent and abusive, so can women, and that these acts are not ‘supernatural’ but in fact sadly form part of many people’s every day life, heterosexual as well as LGBT. Embracing a traditional narrative about domestic violence, that women are victims of male violence, doesn’t just mean that same sex violence falls through the cracks. It also means that children like Ayesha living in abusive households with same sex parents stand a much better chance of survival.

    by Jo Harvey Barringer

    Broken Rainbow: http://www.brokenrainbow.org.uk

     

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | When A Date Turns Ugg-ly

    So, here I am. In Soho, waiting at a fondue restaurant. My date is called Simon. He is a buyer for Mulberry. Mmm, now I’m no shallow man but this instantly excites me. He must have a rather decently sized….bank account! Not that finances is an instant winner for me. But it does help. I can’t have anyone wanting to feed from my bank account.

    As he enters, I find he is rather pleasing on the eye. A bonus point in his favour. I know people say that looks aren’t everything but I really couldn’t imagine sh*gging someone who looks like the back end of the N7. All red and fumes squirting from every orifice. That is definitely no turn on for moi.

    We spark instantly. He talks of mulberry handbags. I have a rather sparse knowledge of mulberry handbags. My friend is a manager for one of their stores at Heathrow. She hardly talks about the brand but I know enough to engage in the conversation. This reminds me of a funny moment we once shared in Mexico. She was talking about handbags but mishearing, she thought we were taking the p*ss out of her. My manager friend turned her head and said, “I know my f***ing materials!”

    My mouth, open wide, dropping to my sun lounger, said “what?” Realising we weren’t taking the piss, she continued her conversation. To this day, I have no recollection of why she thought we were being detrimental to her career.

    After realising that he failed to find this conversation amusing, I thought I should leave the restaurant. But my mother always taught me, “if you start something, you must see it through.” I could hear her London accent echo through my ears. She was my inspiration to carry on.

    We shared a cheese fondue. It was all sticky and gooey. We were dipping bread sticks in like it was a euphemism for what was to come later. And at this point, I really did think the euphemism would come to fruition. We finished our main and we had had a few belly laughs. Belly laughs? Surely that means a second date is on the cards. We ordered a desert. If you stay for dessert, you are bound to be invited for coffee. And one hopes the coffee ain’t going to be at the restaurant table.

    Desert of chocolate fondue with marshmallows finished, I suggest we frequent G-A-Y late for a cocktail and a dance. Praying it’s not a cliche, he accepts. As we enter the bar, he goes up and orders me a sex on the beach. Yes, I admit, that is my cocktail of choice. Yes, I admit, I am a slut and hope this engages my date’s brain to adopt this thought process. Unlucky for me, it fails and he doesn’t decide to whisk me off to Brighton beach for a quickie.

    As I get over the fact he isn’t going to whisk me off to the beach, I remember that I have purchased brand new UGG boots! Excited to show off my new purchase, I cock my leg up. Well, the bastard doesn’t believe they are real. At his disbelief, I cock my leg higher to show off the UGG logo. One too many sex on the beach and I lose my balance. My hand lands directly in his genitalia region. If it wasn’t for my fake tan, you would be able to see my red-faced embarrassment. I apologise but the frigid kn*b thinks it’s a come on. “That’s a bit forward!” He proclaims. “It was an accident.” I protest. He gets up and leaves the club. Yes, leaving me all on my todd in this club. He obviously isn’t the man for me. Is any man? God only knows.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Radio One Did What To Madonna? Are We Living In An Ageist Society?

    As eternal gay icon Madonna prepares to launch her new album Rebel Heart, she’s on a promotional trail that includes interviews and performances at events such as the Grammy’s and the upcoming BRIT Awards. I’m looking forward to the new album and will no doubt mince along to the shops to buy it when it’s out, but I’m also finding myself becoming increasingly annoyed that it seems to be en vogue to hold ageist attitudes about Madonna.

    The great lady probably doesn’t care that people are being ageist towards her (B**ch, she’s Madonna), but from my point of view, it’s quite disgusting. I haven’t managed to watch Madonna’s recent Grammy’s performance, but when looking on Facebook I saw lots of statuses and comments about Madonna needing to ‘put it away’ and act her age. To be honest I’m not really sure how a 56-year-old should be acting. Surely as long as Madonna is happy and not doing any harm, she can behave however she wants to. In fact, I applaud Madonna for being so carefree and doing what she wants. I hope I’m just as ballsy when I reach 56.

    The latest act of ageism comes in the form of a story from the Daily Mail that Radio 1 has banned Madonna songs from their station. Radio 1 has since denied the accusations, stating that they individual songs on their merit and relevance to the station’s target audience. The Radio 1 spokesperson also stated that they do include older artists on their playlist and gave Paul McCartney currently being featured as an example.

    While I understand the statement that Radio 1 made, I would like to ask them whether they can give an example of an older female who is currently on their playlist or has been in recent times. I can’t think of any and the Paul McCartney example is pretty much void as he is only on the playlist because he features on a Rihanna song. If Paul McCartney was releasing a song that only he features on, I don’t think he would even be considered for the Radio 1 playlist.

    Although the Radio One refutes the Daily Mail story, it does raise questions about the prevalence of ageism and sexism. Ageism remains a big issue in society and is often coupled with sexism when you consider a number of women who are mocked for ‘looking old’ or not ‘acting their age’. I can’t think of any males who face the same treatment.

    When it comes to Madonna being a victim of ageism, I doubt she cares, but I think Shirley Manson from Garbage summed it up best when she said the following in a 2012 interview with Bullet Media:

    “The tabloids complain about Madonna looking old, and people laugh at her for that. Then Madonna goes and fixes her face, and they laugh at her for that. Even though they begrudgingly say she looks amazing, they’ll still laugh at her for trying to look young. Then she steps out, looking amazing, and the tabloids go and blow up a picture of her aging hand. Nobody’s doing that to George Clooney, blowing up pictures of his hands! I look at these magazines, and I want to say to them, ‘What’s your point? That she’s aged? Does that surprise you? Or is your ‘point’ an attempt to undercut what she’s achieved?’ I think it is, even if it’s on a subconscious level. … And you probably wouldn’t turn down those hands if they were grabbing you under the table, you f**king idiots!”

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Why I Am Team Perez

    Okay, this may be slightly controversial, and by the time you read this the show will be over, but I am Team Perez Hilton. In what can only be described as the apex of Channel 5’s existence, Celebrity Big Brother has brought together the nation in a way that hasn’t happened in an age – and at the centre of this ‘community glue’ was the relationship between Perez and Katie Hopkins, Perez and Big Brother, Perez and the Great British public and Perez and himself.

    The outpouring of what I like to call homo-homophobia has been astounding. The hate from the ever expletive laden, venom filled tweets and Facebook posts levelled at Perez was disheartening and vile in itself. It wasn’t just the straights having a pop at the infamous celebrity self-proclaimed gossip queen, it was us gays. Even newly appointed LGBT Editor of Buzzfeed Patrick Studwick had a pop, calling him a ‘stain on the gay community’, and ‘a despicable human being’, sorry but who are you to make such an assertion?

    Yes, his claim that the isolation he felt was like ‘being diagnosed with AIDS in the early 80s’ was despicable, but clearly the man doesn’t have the words or the vocabulary to express himself in any other way than in shock-tactic American News-esque soundbites. The man has built his entire fame and brand from this.

    Why are we acting surprised, his offering has been out there for ten years? What he has to say is crass and often at times offensive, there’s no denying that, but look at his notorious blog, made famous with monosyllabic words and doodles drawn over the pictures of the rich and famous. Doesn’t that tell you a little bit about the man?

    Thousands of us took to social media to decry and effem-i-shame Perez. Many echoing that well-trodden sentiment that he puts back the gay community fifty years, thanks to Michelle Visage’s impassioned diary room moment. It’s the same line we use whenever a gay guy says or does something that isn’t the stereotypical heteronormative or ‘straight acting’ way we seem to like our community to act in the public arena, less we be judged to be lesser than human.

    You only have to look at the hate heaped on the likes of Louie Spence, Rylan Clark or Alan Carr to see that we do this all the time. If an openly gay guy doesn’t ‘act straight’ or ‘talk straight’, then he’s setting us back.

    Bulls**t.

    Well, he doesn’t, they don’t. Perez doesn’t put anyone back fifty years – only himself and after all it’s his life to lead.

    The only people putting us back fifty years are those who shame other guys for expressing themselves in the only way that they know, and if they’re putting it on as an act for their career then so be it, but they don’t represent us.

    The homo-homophobic’s disdain says more about our community than it does about Perez’s way of dealing with his surroundings. His attention-grabbing and self-centred view of the world isn’t anything to do with his sexuality, let’s not confuse the issues here.

    If we want to live in a world where we’re not judged for the people that we love, then we had better stop judging people for the way that they act. Every last overactive, poofy, queer boy, cross-dressing, non-binary, non-clone, bull dyke out there has the right to act and be however they like. If you don’t like it, then as Perez said, leave. For each of us have a colour in our fabulous rainbow.

    If you agree or disagree, take to our forum to have your say.

    So in this month’s issue we’re jam packed we have a Cucumber overload, which does sound painful, but we’ve got interviews with the cast of Russell T. Davies’s acclaimed new series, we have a word with Louie Spence and Joey Essex about their Jump experience, we share cocktails with RuPaul Drag Race’s reigning champ Bianca Del Rio and then there was Pam Ann. We also have an EXCLUSIVE with Barbara Hulanicki, famed iconic designer of the 60s who can call Cher, Twiggy and Freddie Mercury amongst her lifelong friends and clients.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT: Germaine Greer, Bruce Jenner, and the Fight Against Transphobia

    I’ve long been a campaigner for trans rights and the elimination of transphobia. In recent times I had been thinking that the public are finally starting to understand what it is to be trans and that societal progress is being made.

    Then I started to read about comments made by Germaine Greer, hurtful gossip about Bruce Jenner, and of course the tragic case of Leelah Alcorn. It is now clear to me that the fight against transphobia needs to be stronger than ever before.

    Earlier this week Germaine Greer made an appearance at Cambridge University Students’ Union, where she was giving a talk. During this talk, Greer was questioned about her previous comments regarding trans women, including saying that being trans is a “delusion” and that trans women seem to be “ghastly parodies”. Her response to the questioning was that she “didn’t know there was such a thing as transphobia” and that trans women don’t know what it is like “to have a big, hairy, smelly vagina”.

    Obviously Germaine Greer’s comments will be highly offensive to trans women, but the most disturbing thing is that she cannot see that her unpleasant views are offensive, that transphobia exists, and that she is guilty of it. Unfortunately I feel that there is no hope of changing the views of bigots like Greer, who hold such outdated and prejudiced opinions, but the fight against transphobia is one that must be fought.

    Recently there have been a lot of articles about Bruce Jenner in the media. Normally the Kardashian-Jenner people are not on my radar, but I have read the stories and gossip about Bruce Jenner with interest because along with the gossip has come the ugly face of transphobia.

    I had heard rumours that someone called Bruce Jenner was preparing to transition, but it was only when I saw the cover of In Touch magazine, that had a photoshopped picture of Jenner on it with a full face of makeup and feminised features, that I understood who he is and what the stories were about. The magazine ran a story about Jenner now living as a woman, without having any actual truthful quotes from anyone, and certainly not from Bruce himself. It was simply gossip and speculation.

    From there TMZ ran a similar story and a video emerged of their staff being transphobic and mocking Jenner, with comments such as “well he’s not doing a good job of being a man” in response to somebody saying that Bruce wasn’t living as a female. This hateful stuff in certain sections of the media gives the impression that it’s ok to mock trans people and that they are a source of entertainment. That is certainly not the case.

    Although I’m no fan of the Kardashians, I have to admire the way they are handling the speculation surrounding Jenner’s gender identity and how they are rallying around him. It shows their strength and love as a family unit and I think as a family they are doing exactly the right thing. It’s clear that Jenner has their support regardless of whether he is living as a male or female.

    The way to tackle transphobia (and any other kind of discrimination) is to educate children from a young age so that future generations become more enlightened and informed. I also think we need to call out the media when they say or do something that is transphobic. They need to be held accountable for their comments and the damage they can do. Prejudiced, discriminatory comments and actions have the power to kill. You only have to look at the tragic story of Leelah Alcorn to see that’s the case. However, I believe that by standing up together as allies of trans people we can help to reduce and perhaps one day eradicate this issue.

    If Bruce Jenner is living as a woman and in the process of transitioning, then I wish him all the best with his journey. It’s not an easy process for any person, never mind such a prominent celebrity with the glare of the media on them. I hope that in time he is able to be open about who he is and not be ridiculed for it. However, if he isn’t living as a woman and is simply experimenting with his appearance, that is ok too. Everyone deserves to be able to express themselves freely without prejudice and I hope that in time Bruce Jenner and every other person on this planet is able to do that, regardless of gender identity.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Anne Kirkbride And The End Of An Era

    We have lost a real TV legend. The warmth and genuine sorrow expressed at the tragic death of Anne Kirkbride shows how over four decades, the character of Deirdre Barlow had earned a place in more than just the Soap Hall of Fame.

    Think of that character – first there were the distinctive physical characteristics; the big glasses of course, the unique vocal tics and the neck vein that was so prominent it had Facebook pages devoted to it. Then you focus in on the stories and the moments.

    Scrambling desperately through the scattered contents of a lorry that had crashed into The Rovers, looking for Baby Tracey.

    Marrying Ken in the same week as the Royal Wedding and being the only woman, aside from Camilla, who came close to stealing focus from Diana.

    ”Free Deirdre”

    And of course… The Ken-Deirdre-Mike Baldwin love triangle.

    It is not exaggerating to say that the character of Deirdre was at the centre of some of the most watched and talked about TV moments of the past 40 years.

    These were big moments. To coin that horrible American phrase, watercooler moments. But such moments are getting rarer. In a time of Netflix and it’s VOD rivals and hundreds of digital TV channels, the days when a number in excess of 20 million people would sit down and watch a single TV show are long gone.

    The soaps of course still have that power to occasionally produce storylines that land on the front of the tabloids, as do reality shows. But with an increasingly splintered audience even they are not quite the big conversation pieces they would have been even 10 years ago.

    Binge watching means that we of course still talk about telly. Witness a group of Breaking Bad devotees getting together. But we now tend to watch at our own pace. The idea of a family gathering in the living room to stare at the box in the corner and watch the same thing at the same time is becoming increasing quaint, the relic of a pre internet age.

    The mourning for Anne Kirkbride is a sign of a character that we have watched several times a week over the past forty years who was part of big moments we have shared. Moments that made millions of us stop and watch.

    When Ken and Deirdre were eventually reconciled, the news was announced on the scoreboard at Old Trafford during a game between Manchester United and Arsenal. It read: “Ken and Deirdre reunited. Ken – 1, Mike – 0.” If such a storyline happened now, it would be all over Twitter and Facebook or we’d wait to catch up online at the weekend.

    TV has changed. How we watch it has changed too. In a world of often bewildering choice though, there is still a place for sharp writing and strong acting. But now technology means that we are as likely to find it as our own speed, sometimes years after the TV shows we obsess over were first produced. There may never be a soap plot that gets tens of millions of us holding our breath one night quite like Deirdre being sent to jail or the time that Mike Baldwin knocked on the door. But for those of who us who saw it, discussed it and lived it we will never forget Anne Kikbride. She was part of our conversation. She was part of our lives.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Falling Out Of Love With Facebook

    It’s happened three times already this year. Either it’s a trend or I should start taking it very personally… Messages from Facebook acquaintances sweetly explaining that they were frightfully sorry but they were streamlining their contacts lists to close chums only but hope our paths cross in future… Blah blah blah.

    A quick, unscientific survey of a few friends reveals that it’s not just me this has happened to. Coupled with a large number of people I know who as of 2015 have resolved to use Facebook less, it’s clear that there is a shift going on in our relationship with social media.

    We all know the Facebook friend collectors. Hell, I was once myself. That 5,000 friend limit that Team Zuckerberg imposed became less a ceiling, more a personal challenge. And in a blinding bit of maths, us friend collectors cottoned on that more friends equals more likes equals winning in the popularity stakes. Or giving the impression of it at the very least. You’re never alone with 5,000 online friends right? Right??

    The other snag of friend collecting; that potential headspin of a mismatch between online popularity and the real world. Why go out and mix with people when one can save the bus fare and interact from a laptop?

    But after sitting gawping at a news feed of viral car crash videos, pictures of dinners and the nagging thought of Who The Hell Are You People?, friend collecting soon becomes fairly redundant. With a contact list of several thousand people, social media ceases being a fun, informative ammendum to life and starts being an unpaid administration gig.

    With numbers of monthly users steadily dropping, privacy concerns and controversy over censorship and user name policy, it’s getting more difficult to feel the Facebook love. But the truth is that for all its many flaws, it remains a massively useful resource for keeping in touch and promotion. The downside being of course that overfamiliarity breeds contempt.

    If there is a conscious move to slim down our Facebook account in 2015, then the biggest shock is it’s taken this long for social media fatigue to kick in. Back at the start it was a new platform and no one knew quite how to use it. When it exploded, it became a vehicle for anything and everything. There are times when the sheer weight of images and information that clog our home pages on an average day are overwhelming.

    So much to process. And there are times that just keeping up with everything is a struggle. That feature we all liked about FB at the start, the sharing of information and keeping in touch made easy, has turned it into hard work. No wonder there is a shift towards Back To Basics.

    The former FB buddies who sent me the apologetic message and then hit delete may just have the right idea. A social media experience that is smaller, more ruthlessly edited and, heaven forbd, features only people you know from the offline world and actually like… The numbers of names on the list may drop. But as an exercise in quality over quantity, it may just be the thing that saves Facebook and its like from one day being that website we all used to use in the early 2000s.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • The Trouble With New Year

    So how are the New Year’s resolutions going? You made at least one, right?

    First of all, a big congratulations to us all for getting through New Year’s Eve unscathed. I don’t know when it happened but NYE became a young person’s game. Us old timers (i.e over 25’s) nod and mutter sagely about inflated entry prices and crowds. And this we invented to New Year House Party. Your first 31st December dinner party really should be ticked off the list as a rite of passage. With double maturity points if you are the one hosting.

    New Year has turned into hard work. Firstly there was the question of where to be at midnight. And trying to escape it has become virtually impossible as even an early night becomes a tough call due to the inevitable 12AM fireworks acting as a cruel taunt that someone somewhere might just be having more fun elsewhere.

    The pressure of a new year does not end there. I remember a few years ago doing a temp job in early January at the call centre of a very well known chain of slimming clubs – they need extra staff as it is there busiest period, thanks to New Year resolutioners.

    But of course, 2015 will be a whole different kettle of healthily grilled fish (and hold the dressing – I’m on a diet). Every single one of us who takes out a new gym subscription in the coming days will still be hitting the treadmill this time in 2016.

    Like hell.

    Personally I never get why we all opt from early November onward that once we can start a new diary, then that will be D Day to lose weight / exercise more / quit smoking / drink less. You say new year = new start, I say procrastination.

    True though that the week between 25th December and 1st January has seen eating and drinking the cupboards crammed with the mammoth Christmas food shop clear become a tradition. And I know I am as guilty of gluttony over the holidays as anyone else. I weighed myself last week and that I didn’t burst into tears, I count as my first real achievement of 2015.

    But when sat at home, buried alive under a pile of Ferrero Rocher wrappers and empty wine bottles, the diet and fitness industry are far more visible that at any other time to guilt trip us all into attempting self improvement and feed into body anxieties. So the pressure is on.

    Naysayers will say that the vast majority of New Year’s resolution are in tatters by mid January. So this year I’m taking a different approach. And please forgive me if I sound some like god awful self help book. But like the majority of the world it seems, I’ll be cutting down the crap starting from now on. A necessary evil as my stomach is bearing the signs of the collateral damage of a mince pie or three too many. I also know that at some point I am going to fall off the wagon and reach for the chocolate. But this year, here’s what I humbly suggest – a part of this whole New Year’s resolution shizzle should be taking a step back, understanding why we break them and getting back into it.

    Because what the slick, big money slimming clubs and discounted gym membership emails fail to mention is it’s not easy. In fact, it’s bloody hard work.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.