THEGAYUK

Category: Comment

  • OP ED | When A Vice Becomes Something More Sinister

    I imagine that we all have vices. In fact I wouldn’t believe someone if they told me that they didn’t have any. For some people smoking could be a vice. For others it could be the twenty cups of coffee they drink each day. As for me… well I’ve had many vices over the years and still do. On occasion those vices have developed into something more and this is what happened when one of them did.

    On discovering alcohol at age fourteen I soon began drinking regularly as many teenagers do. I was a drunken state most weekends and by the age of eighteen I was consuming about ten triple vodka and Red Bulls each Friday and Saturday night. I would end up not being able to walk and getting into some serious scrapes. At the same time I was also going out during the week with ‘friends’ and drinking about ten pints of lager each night. It was those people who introduced me to a little pill called Ecstasy.

    I was seventeen years old at the time and had a weekend job as well as going to school during the week. I wasn’t very popular due to being perceived to be gay. My only friends were other ‘freaks’ and I felt lost. I was desperate to be liked and to be popular. All I wanted in life was to be part of a cool crowd. One day that happened. A couple of lads I worked with, and looked up to, invited me out one evening. They said that I seemed alright and they wanted to show me what they get up to at night. The young homosexual in me was hoping that I would be getting some action as they were pretty hot, but actually it was all about drinking beer and shagging women. I wasn’t out to many people at that point and being desperate to fit in with people I thought were cool, I joined in with their nightly drinking sessions.

    One night we went to a dodgy pub which is well known for drug dealing and taking. My friends went to speak to a guy who looked like a dealer and I guessed what was going on. I come from a council estate which is straight out of Shameless so deem myself to be quite clued up. It didn’t stop me saying no when a pill was offered to me though. I declined at first, but when one of my friends said “go on, be one of the lads”, that was it. All I had wanted was to be one of the lads and fit in. So I took it. The next night I took another. The night after that I took another one. And it went on like that. I knew that I was doing something wrong, but I thought that it was what I needed to do to have some cool friends.

    As the months went by I was consuming an increasing amount of alcohol, taking a growing amount of pills, yet still going to school and my weekend job. It was beginning to take a toll on me though. I wasn’t doing as well as I had been at school and was making mistakes at work. I was beginning to look rougher and my personality was deteriorating. I had started to become reliant on Ecstasy because I felt it helped me get through life. It was no longer just about fitting in.

    One night it all came to a head and it would turn out to be the last time I ever took a drug. I was at a club with my so called friends and I remember dancing to Missy Elliot. When the song finished I walked off the dance floor and the next thing I remember is being woken up in my friend’s garden. It wasn’t a simple waking up though; I was face down in a bag of chips and being kicked as I wasn’t waking up. I came around, got up and was helped into bed.

    The next morning I realised that four hours were missing from the previous night. Between walking off the dance floor and being woken up in the garden, I had no idea what I did. To this day I still have no recollection of those four hours. My friends said that they had been looking for me and were worried as I had been “caning it”. I had consumed a lot of alcohol that night and I am unsure what else I took. I looked at my work shirt that I had worn that night and it had sick on it. I had to go to work that morning and buy a new shirt when I arrived. My manager looked at me with disgust and I felt disgusted in myself. It transpired that 23rd March 2002 would be my rock bottom date. I haven’t taken any drug since.

    After that I stopped associating with the people I thought were friends. They weren’t cool and I didn’t belong to that kind of crowd. I reconnected with my ‘freak’ friends and I am still connected to them now. I am also comfortable with being an outcast and a freak myself. It took a long time to get there, but it all turned out alright in the end. As for vices, my main ones are chocolate and Haribo Tangfastics. Not good for the waistline, but better than other stuff I used to consume.

    I’m not going to preach about how drugs are bad and you should just say no. As an adult you can make your own mind up. But if your vice is taking drugs, just keep a check on it. Don’t let it get out of control and ask yourself why you are doing it. I did it for all the wrong reasons and it really messed me up. Don’t let the same thing happen to you.

    If you are concerned about your drug taking or the habits of someone else, you can find support by clicking on the following link to the Antidote website. They are the UK’s only LGBT targeted drug and alcohol service. If you’re outside London, click on the Talk To Frank link.

    www.antidote-lgbt.com

    www.talktofrank.com

     

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Sorry, Did You Really Mean To Say That?

    I was talking with a friend the other day, and something smacked me in the face that, in some ways, caught me off guard. (And no, it wasn’t anything rude – mores the pity).

    She said that comments were being made about her through social media by an ex who was, by all account, saying things that were untrue and generally being a nasty piece of work (that was me being polite). However, it got me thinking about why someone, anyone, would say such things when they hadn’t be hurt or attacked, and I doubt very much that they would repeat the comments in the “real world”.

    Every day, both via that lovely medium of social media, and in the real world we say things that, quite often, we don’t actually mean or truly understand what they mean.

    In the online world (or t’intenet as I call it) for example, “trolls” stalk the social media lands, looking for innocent (or not so) recipients to throw flippant comments at. Why would anyone do that? In the real world you don’t do that. (Or maybe that’s a sport I didn’t do when I skipped sports at school?). Anyone deliberately looking for someone to hurl abuse at would, (I hope) quickly find themselves in trouble with either the police or decent human beings. But online, that doesn’t seem to happen. People of all walks of life seem to produce comments and statements that they often don’t truly understand or even acknowledge the impact of.

    Remember when Justin Bieber was being a little princess (I would say that to his face) and all of a sudden death threats were being posted online and all sorts of really nasty comments. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not his biggest fan, but really? Death threats? He’s a pop star not a mass murderer or war criminal… and besides, if he dies that hot body dies with him (my mind wonders far too much).

    Is “trolling”, as its known, something new? Or is this just another way for people to make themselves seem big, make big statements then walk away from their responsibilities as if it means nothing. In the real world we see this sort of thing it all the time. Parents abandoning kids; drivers leaving the scene of a car accident; teenagers not admitting to smoking to their parents when they stink of it; dating someone and dropping them via text, the list goes on and on.

    If you’re a teenager and rebelling against your mum for smoking then stand up and be counted. Yeah I smoked, yeah it was horrible, no I won’t be doing it again. I did it with my parents, got shouted at but got respected for taking ownership of my “behaviour” and choices. Just as today, If I do something wrong I’ll say that I have. Just as if I make a decision, I won’t hide from it; I’ll stand up and be counted for it. But then, I’m always being told that I’m a little bit weird
    In the gay community especially trolls will sit online in the chat rooms and spout their poison for any and all reasons that happen to come up that day. I remember being on one particular chat room and watching a “troll fight” unravel on my screen between 2 ‘users’ that by all accounts should have better things to do with their time. To this day I have no idea what started the ‘fight’ and I don’t think even they know. Again, would they do it in real life? Maybe they would, I’ve seen a fair few ‘cat fights’ start in exactly that way.

    But what would happen if we all really did understand and truly mean what we say and do? What would the world be like if every word or action produced by us was meant to be and understood by us? Would the world be a better place? Would trolling still go on online? Or would any form of online trolling simply be seen as the effect of being annoying or controversial? Defending as opposed to attacking.

    Or would the world just be filled with walking dictionaries where everything is “acceptable in accordance with an agreed parameter” and everyone simply didn’t say anything to each other as it’s much simpler to just keep shtum. Or would it be the nicer place that we all aspire for? Would arguments about gay rights actually have counter arguments that state the truth and not some deep repressed fear or misunderstanding? Would dating on the scene actually go back to the good old days of dating when a date was exactly that, and not a “let’s be Bfs right away” which it seems to be at the moment.

    Who knows, I suspect that if we want the ability to say what we want, when we want it and to whomever we want we have to take the bad with the good. And again, if we want to be “free” people then we have to allow the people to say what they feel, not what they mean.

  • COLUMN | I Don’t Want To Ride My Bicycle

    I have an oddity to confess. No, not that one. This one is quite sanitary. I can’t ride a bike. If I tell people this they look at me gone out like I’ve just said I’m a hermaphrodite or I can’t write my own name.

    It’s considered, by most people, to be decidedly odd. I personally think that riding a bike is even odder. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I think its witchcraft.

    I’ve always been a bit clumsy. I trip over a lot, am prone to bumping into things and am generally uncoordinated. I have mismatched eyes. Not like David Bowie, a green and a brown one, but I have one very long sighted one and one almost normal eye. The first time an optician noted this when I went for an eye test aged 12, he asked me if I was especially clumsy and accident prone. My mother nodded eagerly, finally latching onto to a diagnosis to explain my bizarre mishaps. Recently an optician asked me if I wore my glasses to drive. When I told her I didn’t drive, I’m sure it wasn’t just my imagination that made me see a look of relief wash over her.

    I also have terrible balance. I’m rubbish at standing on one leg (I practice often), could never master stilt walking or roller skating as a child and the very thought of ice skating or skiing gives me an icy chill and a vision of plaster of Paris and traction. I get terrible travel sickness and have been known to run out of films with wobbly camcorder type shots, green faced. If I try to send text messages in a moving car I start to feel dizzy and throw up. I have to look away when a fast moving train goes by or I start to spin and I never liked roundabouts or fairground rides that spin round. I once spent a whole evening in bed with a bucket beside me after an ill advised go on the Waltzers aged 7.

    These are my excuses for not mastering the art of staying upright on a bicycle. I had the usual sit in and push along cars as a toddler, progressed to the tricycle then onto the little bike with stabilisers. Then the problems began. My father developed a permanent frown and a mouth full of tightly gritted teeth as we repeatedly tried to get me to stay aloft a bike without 4 wheels. He’d push me along, let go and I’d fall off. This went on ad-nauseum, usually until I trooped off home in a strop, abandoning the bicycle with a wobbly bottom lip and a lot of bruises.

    I’m not one for perseverance. “I’ve tried it once and didn’t like it” or “If at first you don’t succeed then give the thing up as a bad job and avoid ever trying again” could well be ideal mottos for me. The shiny bicycle which my dad had bought second hand and lovingly restored stayed in the shed until we sold it and I spent the money on books. You know where you are with books (just don’t ask me to balance one on my head).

    To be honest, I don’t feel the need to justify my inability to balance on a bike. I look at people going past on them and am startled by what a weird thing it is to do. Surely it’s some kind of sorcery? These people must have magic powers. Balancing on two wheels is nonsensical.

    I knew I was on to a loser when attempting to learn to drive my instructor said to me on my first lesson: “It’s much like riding a bike” followed not long after by “You can’t ride a bike? What! How strange”

    I’m happy to walk, thanks.

  • COMMENT | A Life Of Cocaine Or Cake?

    Even though we may look at a person’s habit or behaviour and not agree with their chosen vice, who are we to judge?

    A vice is just like facial features, we all have them. Whilst some may bite their nails down until they bleed, others enjoy cigarettes and produce smoke like a house on fire. Surely we should appreciate each others differences and just learn to not force our views on others?

From a young age my Nan was an important person in shaping my character. Both my parents smoked and my Nan would provide a selection of leaflets to slowly give them. How can anyone refuse advice on smoking from a cute five-year-old? Either way, it worked. My Nan had judged my parents vice and through the use of children eventually got them to quit.

    My Nan also taught me about addiction to drugs and would always set up a scene where a ‘friend’ was in the school toilet telling me to smoke some marijuana and I would politely repeat – “No thank you. Please make your own decisions but I refuse”. As I got older it turned into the pub toilets and at eighteen she still made me repeat my refusal to ensure I had practised enough and wouldn’t become addicted to drugs.

    “I want to be president someday, so I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was kind of indescribable really. I felt like I was floating. It turns out that there wasn’t any marijuana in it, it was just an insanely good brownie”

    – Leslie Knope.

    Whilst enjoying the scene of London, a friend soon became bored of weekends following the same routine and meeting the same faces and made the executive decision to move away towards a different atmosphere. I am non-judgmental and also a bit ‘happy-go-lucky’ when it comes down to making changes and adapting.

    Enjoying the drinks and music of somewhere new I disappeared to a toilet to relieve my child sized bladder. During this, a gentleman climbed over the locked door, pulled a small bag of cocaine out of his pocket and offered me some. I was not down for this, I once sniffed pepper to sneeze like in a Tom and Jerry sketch. It made me nose itch and I wanted to cry for days after from the burning feeling. With this in the back of my mind, I repeated my Nan’s line and proceeded to make line for the bar and back to the comfort of my friend.

My friend brushed off the incident and pointed out that most of the people attracted to the club in question where there for the recreational use of drugs. I then made my own executive decision to remove myself from the social circle and opted for an addiction of comedy shows and cake.

    I embraced a new life being single and looking for cake whilst my friend enjoyed the rush of drugs. He recently admitted his problem with an addiction that seemed fun at the time. It makes me wonder if I would have achieved everything positive in my life if I had crumbled in the toilet cubicle and said ‘yes’.

    My point is, who are we to judge the vices others place upon themselves when we all have our own that we either know and enjoy or are unaware of?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Thatcher’s Legacy: The 28ers: The Silent Generation

    As a child of the eighties, I thought Maggie cut a rather marvellous figure, sailing through the decade with her shoulder power-pads, furs and that bulletproof hair – lacquered to within an inch of its existence.

    I was far too young to understand the political ramifications of her tenure: the hardship that fell upon millions in towns where industry was decimated, the rights to buy, or the silencing of a generation’s gays – instead as I played, building my own Lego empire in front of the Beeb’s 6 o’clock news I saw this rather robust and resilient red-lipped woman disembark the steps of yet another 747, shake the hands of craggy leaders around the world and uttering the iconic words ‘Vanity, vanity vanity. ‘ I thought, looking up from my empire construction, ‘this is a woman I should take note of.’

    When Section 28 was introduced I was a pre-teen. What could it possible mean to an eight year old boy, who preferred theatre and designing clothes for Barbie?

    In fact if asked what Section 28 was, I’m sure I would have pointed at the largely ignored volumes of red ultra-bound Britannica Children’s Encyclopaedias my mother had purchased, ‘at great expense’ she constantly reminds us, for the education of her offspring.

    However Section 28 lived on much longer than Thatcher’s premiership. In fact it wouldn’t be repealed until I was 21 – out of school and out of the closet.

    I was unaware that in the mid nineties sitting in a classroom at my north London comprehensive for a PSR lesson (yes that’s Personal Social Responsibility) I would be made to feel dirty, embarrassed and illegal.

    It was 1995. Six years away from the repeal of Section 28. Section 28 of the Local Government Act, prohibited the promotion of homosexuality in schools. It was enacted in 1988.

    Somewhere in among ‘Energy Saving’ and ‘Litter Picking’, Homosexuality was brought up by the teacher, who promptly said: “We can’t talk about this – but one in ten people are gay, that means at least two people in this class room will be gay’ and with that sword-swipe of a statement turned his back on the room as hands started to raise and a united ‘eurgggh’ sound resounded. All eyes it felt, fell on me.

    Turning a shade of Maggie’s Lips, I felt strangled. The teacher refused to say anymore in fear of having a legal case brought against him.

    Where was the explanation of homosexuality?

    Where were the ‘It’s Ok To Be Gay’ badges?

    The Tote Bags of Equality?

    The “So You Think You’re Gay” pamphlets?

    In that moment I became the love that dare not speak it’s name, too risky and illicit to talk about. Now that I write that down, it feels sexy and very Jilly Cooper, but at the time my head was exploding with questions, with the need to be reassured, to be rescued from the looming, baying mob, who were suspiciously eyeing up their classmates to see which one was the homo. I had my mark. My path was set.

    So what are the long-term effects of Maggie’s rule to my illicit generation?

    It’s hard to say.

    Had the children of the 80s and 90s been able to talk more freely of their sexuality would we be more politically focussed rather than a numbed number? Aren’t we a little guilty for using Pride as an excuse to drink and meet with friends to commiserate times past? Rather than the political statement it was intended? Aren’t we guilty of being a little bit apathetic when it comes to rallies and demonstrations?

    Do we feel stymied by our formative years? We are proud, but not with a capital P.

    I recently attended an Anti-Gay Marriage rally in Trafalgar Square. The ‘Pro’s’ far outweighed by the ‘Anti’s’ – but as I glanced around my fellow queers and allies, I wondered where were my generation?

    It felt all these people were 5 to 10 years older or younger than me. They were far more politically charged.

    Why is it that the 80’s babies aren’t fighting as hard as those born in the 70s or 60s? Maybe it’s because our predecessors had their milk taken away by mother Maggie. Is their political protesting born out of some sort of fight for survival?

    Maybe they are the generation that could actually understand the implications of Section 28 and remember the times where homosexuality was still illegal.

    I sit and talk to my peers about the passing of the Iron Lady and we shrug. Muted. Nonplussed by it all, but feel nostalgic as we watch our childhood play out in the nightly news – reruns of Maggie – once again, dressed in cobalt blue power suits, surrounded by aids and bodyguards blazing through international conferences or sat atop a tank blasting cannons into a field.

    Meanwhile students, who weren’t even twinkles in their parents’ eyes at the time of her resignation rejoice at her passing, while the generation above sneer and remember songs by Billy Bragg and Morrisey.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

     

  • PETER TATCHELL | Thatcher Extraordinary But Heartless

    The gay human rights activist and campaigner Peter Tatchell has released a strong statement on his website explaining his thoughts about the late Baroness Thatcher.

    Taking to Twitter earlier today Mr Tatchell wrote: ‘Margaret Thatcher: I commiserate, as with the death of any person. But she showed no empathy for the victims of her harsh, ruthless policies

    ‘…an extraordinary woman but mostly for the wrong reasons. Emasculated local government & civil liberties. Section 28.’

    Taking to his website at www.petertatchell.net Tatchell has released an article entitled ‘Margaret Thatcher: Extraordinary but heartless.’ Below is the article:

    “Margaret Thatcher was an extraordinary woman but she was extraordinary for mostly the wrong reasons. So many of her policies were wrong and heartless. Nevertheless, I don’t rejoice in her death. I commiserate, as I do with the death of any person. In contrast, she showed no empathy for the victims of her harsh, ruthless policy decisions,” said human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell.

    “Thatcher initiated policies that paved the way for the current economic crisis: the decimation of Britain’s manufacturing base, the get-rich-quick business mentality, the promotion of the free market and the poorly regulated banking sector. This led to imbalances in the economy. The financial sector gained undue influence, with few checks and balances. These distortions were exacerbated by Blair and Brown but Thatcher began the train of events that led to the present economic meltdown.

    “In 1988, the Thatcher government legislated Britain’s first new anti-gay law in 100 years: Section 28. At the 1987 Conservative party conference she mocked people who defended the right to be gay, insinuating that there was no such right. During her rule, arrests and convictions for consenting same-sex behaviour rocketed, as did queer bashing violence and murder. Gay men were widely demonised and scapegoated for the AIDS pandemic and Thatcher did nothing to challenge this vilification. 

    “To her credit, she shattered the sexist glass ceiling in politics and got to the top in a man’s world. However, on becoming Prime Minister she did little for the rights of women. She was a macho, testosterone-fuelled right-wing politician.

    “Her political agenda was almost entirely divisive and destructive, including mass unemployment and urban decay. She emasculated local government and boosted police powers to the detriment of civil liberties. The striking miners and their families were ruthlessly crushed on her orders. She oversaw the use of police state methods. Baton-wielding police struck down peaceful miners. People travelling to support the strikers were pre-emptively arrested. Protesting miners at Orgreave were framed on false police evidence.

    “On a personal note: Thatcher once unintentionally praised me. It happened in 1981 in the House of Commons. SDP MP James Wellbeloved urged Thatcher to denounce me for advocating extra-parliamentary protests against Tory policies. She responded by saying that she had not read the remarks by the “honourable person.” This was the first and last time she ever described me as honourable,” said Mr Tatchell.

    Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1988, stated that local authorities in the United Kingdom: “shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality” or “promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship”

    The Act was enacted on May 24th 1988 during Thatcher’s leadership. Section 28 was eventually repealed in 2001.

    In spite of the controversy surrounding Section 28, Baroness Thatcher supported legalising homosexuality In the 1960s and in 1967 voted in favour of the decriminalising of homosexuality in England and Wales.

    Baroness Thatcher died “peacefully” today (8th April) at the age of 87, following a stroke according to her family.

    Lady Thatcher was the Conservative prime minister from 1979 to 1990. She made history as she was the first and – so far, only female to hold this position.

    She had suffered poor health for a number of years and her husband Denis died in 2003.

    In 2011 a biography film of her life was released starring Meryl Streep, grossing $114m worldwide.

  • COLUMN | Smokin’

    So, this month, we’re looking at the subject of vice. I can definitely relate to the idea of vice. I have way too many. I’m not sure if the addictive personality is a myth or not but if it does genuinely exist, I have one.

    (more…)

  • Letter From The Editor, What Are Your Vices?

    Well howdy there folks, I can’t believe it’s April already and it’s still bleeding freezing, so to heat things up this month we’re talking about vices.

    Yes those daily crutches that we love, hate and loathe, but can’t live without. From porn to chocolate we’re delving into dependency darkness to discover the gay nation’s vices. We’ll be asking whether as a community do gay people have more addictions and vices than their heterosexual counterparts? Whether its good to have some bad habits and whether we can truly give up our foibles?

    Personally, I don’t have any vices. Except lying. About my vices. However, I have become a bit of slave to white wine of late. After a virtuous start to 2013 thanks to Dry January, I’ve failed to keep my units down below the acceptable level. So for April, I’m going to go dry again, which might turn out to be quite difficult. I’ve got two major birthdays, my Pa is turning 65 and my partner’s brother is turning 40. Will I succeed in my sobriety? I’ll let you know.

    Anyway this month we also have our first ever bespoke swimwear photoshoot and it looks hot. Can’t wait to share those pictures with you. We also have interviews with some stars from screen and stage. So you’ll have to keep logged on to find out what’s happening at TheGayUK.

    Until next time.

    Jake

    P.s. 1000s of you have already downloaded our brand new App. It’s free and available on iPhones and Android phones. Here are the links.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • 10 QUESTIONS: Gay Men Hate To Be Asked

    I am happy to put my hands up and admit that I love a good moan. So when asked to write this piece I rubbed my hands in glee and thought it’s a great opportunity to have a right good grumble about the things people ask that really annoy me. This is because it’s something I regularly do in real life anyway, much to my friend’s annoyance. So, here it goes…

    1) What you into?

    I’m sure you are all aware where this question comes from. When asking the gay people what questions annoy them, this came out on top. When chatting to people on sites such as Grindr, Gaydar and Fitlads, it’s one of the first things people ask. Sometimes I am tempted to be a bitch and respond with “not you”, but usually it’s a blockable offence and I simply ignore them. On the odd occasion, I have replied with things such as knitting, train spotting, pretending I’m Kate Bush whenever I hear “Wuthering Heights” (that one is actually true)…. and the list goes on and on. I never answer in the way they want me to; with something sexual. I don’t rise to that. Usually one can tell what another is into by simply reading their profile. It’s not difficult, yet so many people struggle to do it. My Fitlads profile clearly states that I am in a monogamous relationship so therefore I’m not interested in extra-curricular activities, but I regularly have men propositioning me and refusing to believe that I would be on a website like that without looking for sex. So my advice to people here is read people’s profiles.

    2) Can you accom?

    Ugh. Again, I’m sure we all know where this one comes from too. It’s one of the frustrating things about using gay websites. It can be useful for meeting new people and is especially good if you have no contact with other gay people in the real world, but goodness me it ain’t half annoying when someone asks if you can accommodate. It’s even more irritating when it clearly states on my profile that I am not looking for a hookup. I’ve been there, done that and could probably have won The Sun newspaper’s ‘Shagger of the Year’ award at one point, but those days are over. All I can say is, again, please read people’s profiles.

    3) How big are you?

    I’m 5ft 10 and weigh about 17 stone, so pretty big I guess. The 17 stone admission would probably get me blocked by some shallow person and I’d be branded disgusting. In fact, I was once told that I am huge and the only way I will lose weight is if I become bulimic. I’ll talk about that another time though. Of course, they want to know how big your penis is. Does it really matter though? To a size queen maybe, but I couldn’t care less. Come on guys, it’s ridiculous. Nearly as ridiculous as the standard answer of ‘8 inches’.

    The gay ruler clearly provides different measurements to a normal one.

    4) Do you know him? He’s gay too.

    I cannot begin to explain how much that question infuriates me. I’m sure some people think that homosexuals are all in one big pink club and we all know each other. I live in Warwick and was once asked if I knew someone in Middlesbrough just because he is gay too. I thought they were having a laugh but it was a genuine question. I actually said that I did know him and that I know most gay people in the country. The person believed me and I felt the urge to bang my head on a brick wall.

    5) Are you gay?

    Honey, just because I am standing here dressed as a fairy and sprinkling glitter over myself, what makes you think that I am a homosexual? Oh. Ok so there have been times when it may have been apparent that I am gay, but on the whole, I wouldn’t say that I’m ‘obvious’. Maybe I should start going up to people and asking if they’re straight and when they say yes respond with “oh I’m fine with that, I know loads of straight people”.

    6) Are you the man or the woman in your relationship?

    What annoys me about this question is that it is quite clear that I am the man in the relationship as I am a man! My boyfriend is also a man. That’s what a gay relationship is; two men together, so asking which one is the woman is possibly the most stupid question somebody could ask. Variations of this question include ‘Are you the Arthur or the Martha?’ and the more direct ‘Are you the top or bottom?’, because let’s face it, by asking if you’re the man or the woman is someone’s way of determining whether you give or take it up the arse.

    7) When you get married will you be the bride or the groom?

    Following on from the previous question, this is a similar one. Again it is possibly a case of someone trying to find out if you are top or bottom or maybe it’s someone’s idea of humour. There’s nothing funny about it though. If two men are getting married then clearly there’s not going to be a bride.

    8) Does ‘it’ hurt?

    If someone asks that question I will ask them what they mean by ‘it’, even though I know what they’re asking. There’s something satisfying about watching someone squirm as they try to think of a way of asking ‘does it hurt when you have anal?’, without putting it quite like that. If people want to know whether it hurts or not, they should give it a go themselves. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. The answer is yes though.

    9) When did you know you were gay?

    This question was suggested by someone. I have to say it doesn’t always annoy me. It depends on who is asking and the way it’s asked. Being serious for a moment, I work with LGBTQ youth and sometimes they have important questions to ask, such as this one. I will always answer honestly and provide any necessary advice. When it comes to straight people asking the question, I find there’s usually a variation on it. ‘When did you choose to be gay?’ has been asked a few times. Now that does bother me. I don’t believe being gay is a choice. We have a choice whether to embrace it and live as gay people, but sexuality is not something we choose. I want to respond with ‘when did you choose to be ignorant?’ This question provides a topic for a whole separate discussion.

    10) Do you fancy him?

    I have a revelation to make here… Gay men do not fancy every man they see! I know, shocking isn’t it? Even worse is when a straight man asks if I fancy them. It’s like, don’t flatter yourself, mate. Just because I happen to be gay it does not mean that I am attracted to you. I have a type (rugged, stubbly, hairy types) and the guys who usually ask if I fancy them are far too preened and immaculate for my liking. It’s a no from me.

    So there we have it; my top 10 questions that gay men hate to be asked. I must admit I’ve rather enjoyed getting that off my chest. What am I into? Having a right good moan by the looks of it.

  • COMMENT | Do You Have A Vice?

    A general definition of vice is a weakness of character and behaviour, or a bad or neurotic habit. Unless you’re thinking of another vice, in which case it’s defined as a mechanical screw apparatus used for holding or clamping a work piece to allow work to be performed on it with tools. (But not on this occasion).

    We all know what we generally class as a vice (smoking, drinking, chocolate, shopping, coffee etc…..), but when you start to look at the definition, it’s a lot broader than you may think!

    Using the terminological definition above, I’m sure everyone will find that they have what can be classed as a vice. I myself don’t smoke and I’m not overly worried about having chocolate on a regular basis. I do drink and shop but wouldn’t see that as a vice as again, I find it to be more of a social interaction rather than a need.

    The fact that it can be defined as a neurotic habit does mean that I can still be classed as having a vice, due to the fact that I am a complete, self-confessed neat freak! I can’t stand mess, if I cook, which is very rare for health and safety reasons, I have to wash-up everything as I use it and tidy up as soon as I’m finished. This is reflected across everything I do both at work and at home.

    Do I consider this to be a weakness of character or behaviour as the definition states? In a word – No. This is part of my character, one that may be annoying to others (I’m sure not the only one) but part of what makes me who I am.

    So for those of you who don’t think you have a vice, now ask yourself – do you? You may be surprised!

     

    by The Gay Prime Minister / Twitter

     

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  • COMMENT | Pride

    It’s always uplifting to see news about Pride events across the country. Yes believe it or not, despite the weather, we are well into the Pride season. News about events, activities and line-ups are being announced on a daily basis via news feeds, magazines and social media.

    I’m extraordinarily lucky to be able to attend three Pride events this year. What I always love about them is the community feel they all have. Pride really helps to promote inclusivity across a broad spectrum of people and allows them to interact in a fun, safe way, which for some is their only chance to interact with the community.

    The first Gay Pride UK Rally was held in July 1972. It was thought that we were quite liberal at that time but you have to remember that homosexual acts between consenting adults had been illegal until 1967, which made this quite a milestone moment in history.

    The core of Pride is that people should be proud of who they are, that there is nothing wrong with being different and that our sexuality is something beyond our control. As opposed to the shame many LBGT people were made to feel years ago, everyone is now encouraged to be proud and rightfully so.

    Pride has grown and evolved over the years and has, of course, seen changes which have been necessary within that evolution. I’m pleased to say the one thing that has never and will never change is the sense of community and family that you will always experience, whatever Pride event you attend.

    If you have never attended a Pride event and are considering attending your first one, I cannot recommend these events highly enough. They are a wonderful way to be introduced to the LGBT community and a beacon of positivity and information, especially if you have just ‘come out’ and are new to the scene.

    by The Gay Prime Minister/Twitter

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.