THEGAYUK

Category: Worth A Read

  • COMMENT | Kevin Spacey just handed bigots an open goal

    In any other moment, news that Kevin Spacey had come out would be met with worldwide acclaim.

    By Siebbi (ipernity.com) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
    He would’ve been welcomed openly, lauded for his bravery and provided a generation of his LGBT fans with another positive gay role model. Instead, Spacey decided to “come out” as a result of being accused of ‘sexual advances’ with a then-14-year-old boy. Criticism within the community was instant and deservedly brutal. But why aren’t the LGBT community not supporting Spacey in this moment? Well, because of history.

    “Gay Men are Paedophiles” has long been the right-wing attack on LGBT people. When Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed in America,  prominent right-wing leader Bryan Fischer said it would increase cases of paedophilia stating, “we’ve talked about the fact that homosexuals commit sex crimes against children at about 10 times the rate of the heterosexual population…there’s this proclivity toward the abuse of children.”

    The fact is that there has been zero scientific evidence that would back up such a claim doesn’t seem to bother him and his audience lapped it up.

    But how could people believe that? Primarily, in the UK and US, this way of thinking has come from mishandling of LGBT groups around pro-paedophile groups namely, PIE (Paedophile Information Exchange) and NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association). In the UK, PIE was formed in 1974 by a gay man who was, at the time, in a relationship with a 15-year-old boy. The group, which advocated for the removal of the age of consent, received support from the National Council for Civil Liberties (now known as Liberty) and thus the connection to paedophilia and homosexuality was born. Similarly, with NAMBLA, they were part of the International Gay and Lesbian Association (ILGA) which would, in 1993, achieve UN consultation status (the group lost their status in 1994 due to the NAMBLA association and quickly dis-associated with them). Again, this appeared to align paedophiles and homosexuals. Add in decades of reports of sexual misconduct towards boys of men in power such as Priests and you can easily see the picture that was being painted over decades. That is why LGBT groups have battled for years to avoid even the slightest air of support of this sexual misconduct.

    Then why are we mad at Kevin Spacey? What he has essentially done here is used the accusation of ‘sexual advances’ with a minor to announce he’s a gay man. This opens up the old wound that has been deeply damaging to the community. If allegations against Spacey and, let’s face it, any gay male celebrity are proven to be true, (we must state that these are just allegations, Kevin Spacey denies any recollection of misconduct), then it gives anti-LGBT groups ammunition and opens generations of us to violence, accusations and mistrust. By using his statement to link homosexuality and sexual misconduct with minors, Kevin Spacey has swung open the door to the past, ripped open the healing wounds of the 70s, 80s and 90s and exposed LGBT people to false equivalence.

    You may be sat reading this thinking it’s an over-reaction but you’re wrong. I implore you to search Kevin Spacey’s name and the word “faggot” or “homo” on Twitter and see for yourself people coming up with their own conclusions about gay men as a whole. Minority groups don’t have the privilege of common sense dissociation. When a straight Hollywood exec is accused of rape, nobody questions if all straight men are rapists but if a gay man is found to be a paedophile then, for some, ALL gay men are paedophiles.

    Decades of bigotry, ignorance and hatred have been battled and now Spacey has handed them an open goal yet for him, it’ll mean nothing. Unless further allegations occur, Spacey will likely be able to lie low in his mansion, wait for it to blow over whilst he counts his millions and protects himself with hired security. But the real damage will be felt out here in the real world, beyond the bubble of celebrity. It’ll be felt by the gay school teacher looking to make a difference, the gay Scout Leader looking to enrich lives, the gay social worker looking to keep our young people safe. All that it takes is for a bigot to question their motives. Bigots do not need concrete evidence, they just need tenuous links, fragments of a conspiracy to build upon. And now… they’ve got it.

  • COMMENT | Terrorism: Is the media part of the problem?

    “COWARDS ATTACK AGAIN”

    I really don’t understand the mentality of the media. Fighting terrorism includes you. The media makes me sick with the number of times they re-run the same newscast. This is publicity for terrorism. Free publicity no terrorist organisation could afford. Primetime advertising. When will you realise that in your haste to earn a buck you are just a glorified marketing man of the terrorist.

    What a shocking and terrible intrusion into the grief of the families of the dead to see the location and the belongings of their loved ones in disarray bloodied and on the street, on every channel hour after hour. Have some respect.

    When unarmed people are gunned down, blown up or mown down in a country that is at peace in the name of a cause and religion, that is not a holy war. It is cowardice. War requires armed combatants fighting against each other to defend their beliefs. This is not a state of war there is no glory in massacring innocent people, it is a crime against humanity.

    Delusional fanatics are traditionally told one of 2 stories, especially suicide bombers:

    1. They will be protected from the fire and explosion by their God to emerge victorious.
    2. This is a route to glory and everlasting paradise.

    In the absence of surviving suicide bombers and it generally being accepted their pebble dashed remains stay at the scene, the first would appear to be a lie.

    The second poses the question, is this is the route to glory and eternal paradise and it is such a desirable place to be; why have your leaders not gone before you? This lack of willingness to tread the path to the ultimate goal by those who endorse it would suggest it too is a lie.

    There is too much procrastinating among politicians; now is the time for a political “cough and drop test” to see who has the balls to take stronger action.

    If the UK and the USA really do have a special relationship I would like to see shared policy-making to protect our citizens in both countries. United we stand.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Utter Trash: Lord Tebbit, Pollution does not create transgender people

    Former chairman of the Conservative party Lord Tebbit has claimed air pollution is making people transgender. Probably the most offensive and mind-boggling suggestion I have heard in my whole life.

    Personally, I think air pollution is polluting this narrow-minded man’s brain and causing him to make completely ludicrous claims.

    He also claimed that transgender people were a new phenomenon, stating he could not recollect any such individuals among his fellow pupils at school. Maybe, Lord Tebbit, this is because you attended a posh private school where you were wrapped in cotton wool and sheltered from the real world.

    If you’d lived a normal person’s life, seeing the real world, I’m sure such claims would not even enter your head. You’ve only got to read a factual novel or even watch a historical drama or documentary and you’ll be educated in the fact that transgender is not a new phenomenon.

    He says his theory that air pollution triggers being transgender, is the belief of some scientists. Now, I have Googled and researched into this and it’s very unclear exactly which scientists he is referring to. There seems to be no scientific evidence to support his claims. Probably because even a non-scientist, such as myself, can work out that his theories are simply narrow-minded bigotry.

    In an attempt to absolve his bizarre and offensive opinions, he said that he knows “voicing such thoughts will probably bring coals of fire upon my head.” I’m sorry Lord Tebbit but even anticipating that what you are saying will cause offence offers you no absolution.

    Last week, Mrs May said and I quote, “Homophobia, biphobia and transphobia have still not been defeated and they must be.” Yes, I agree with you, Prime Minister. They must be. Maybe a good first step will be ridding the Conservative party of such people as Lord Tebbit. And then you may stand a chance.

  • COMMENT | City Pollution… maybe we need to start from scratch

    Lego City In Traffic Chaos

    I believe the children are the future so the song goes. And it is true. Let’s face it, the young are the ones that are going more forward than me when I’m cold and dead.

    Lego is a fascinating toy. It’s just that it isn’t simply a toy. It’s a learning aid. So much can be achieved from one humble brick added to another and so on. When I worked in the community as an HIV nurse I used Lego as a teaching aid. The choice of colours made it effective. I also used it for a presentation I did for my testicular cancer presentation. Lego is gender proof, ageless and universal.

    Now I have a problem with Lego. All is not good in my spiralling Lego metropolis-on-floor. There is enough housing for all living there. They have access to a snack shop by the side of the road and the petrol station is open 24 hours. There are even 2 postal vans doing the rounds no doubt delivering drunken purchases from Amazon and eBay.

    I’m catered for every eventuality for I have the 4 emergency services. The fire service might be reduced to one rapid response vehicle and two firefighters but my police force is seven vehicles strong with staffing to match. And with seven vehicles comes maintenance so thankfully there is a little garage on the corner.

    Traveling around the city is fraught. There are no traffic lights causing jams. Truth is I haven’t built any. We live in a “give way” city where road rage isn’t a thing.

    At the time the picture was taken, my medical team were busy saving a Lego life. The use of blue lights helped the two-vehicle team cut through the traffic. Thankfully there was room for a nurse in the ambulance to get there with the doctor following by car.

    Traffic in any situation, fictional and real life, is a nuisance. It slows the path of progression in your day to day life. If public transport was better, we might find ourselves using it more (damn it! I don’t have public transport in my Lego city! Dear Santa…)

    We are a lot like my Lego people. We jump in our cars and drive. Usually travelling on our own. Our five-seat capacity hatchbacks all being occupied by one person.

    Now, this is where l have a problem with Lego city. There was a time when the vehicles never took a person. Come the 1980s we soon didn’t have to use our imaginations as to where that person went when they drove to work. All vehicles since then have only had one seat up front.

    In order to cut traffic in Lego Metropolis-On-Floor, I was thinking of getting my people to car share. If we want to teach the future about cutting traffic, pollution and enabling densely populated areas to work better, car sharing might help. Four people into one car equals three fewer cars on the road. I’m quick at maths as you can see. Even two in one would be better.

    Lego doesn’t actually sell such a vehicle so l decided that if l was going to save my citizens of Lego metropolis-on-floor, I’d have to design a new car and then hopefully roll out stiff penalties to those that won’t change or insist on taking their single occupancy cars around my city.

    Having a look around the internet and you find that people have made cars to accommodate more than one person so I set about making a car for Dave and Gary. To reflect their preferences it had to be a two-seater, quite sporty looking and that’s about all l could think of at 2 am on a Saturday when making my two-seater for the lads from “Red Cottage” of Fold-Out Mews.

    Lego cars are four dots across. Lorries are six. The trouble is two Lego people next to each other occupies about seven if you want an intimate car or eight realistically because then the dots line up with their legs and bums.

    We made, we destroyed, we reinvented and eventually I had the 2 seater roadster for Dave and Gary. It ended up eight dots wide. My thinking was that this reflected actual life because cars themselves have got bigger.

    Dave and Gary were overjoyed with their sports car in blue and took to the city. Unheard road rage ensued because it took up the entire width of the road and everything almost ground to a halt. Thankfully the love soon fell out of the sports car for Dave and Gary when they discovered they couldn’t actually get it into the petrol station to refuel. It was then stripped down and made into a garden attraction and gym.

    Suddenly I was thwarted in my own thinking. We all have ideas about how to tackle congestion but to implement it can sometimes be difficult. It needs thinking. It’s more than taxing people and adding costs. It comes from learning, exploring, trailing and making small changes one step at a time.

    At a time where pollution from the car comes under scrutiny again, let’s start at the beginning, let’s start with Lego and build it up from there.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | The NHS is wrong to ask patient’s their sexuality

    Doctors have been ordered to ask patients if they are gay. This is one of the most ludicrous decisions I feel the NHS has ever decided to make.

    What is the point of GP’s having to record every patient’s sexuality? I really fail to see the point of this new rule and to me, I fear it’s building up to the UK becoming a nanny state.

    It’s being called intrusive and Orwellian by many people. I agree. I’m very lucky, I’m an open gay man who is widely accepted by family, colleagues and friends. But what about those in denial about their sexuality? Or those who simply don’t feel comfortable in coming out yet? I’m scared it may actually do more harm than good.

    I have deep fears about the security of the data, as any leak could potentially ‘out’ thousands of patients.

    Many visits to the GP are for everyday ailments, like tonsillitis, chest infections, aches and pains etc. So how is a doctor questioning their patient’s sexuality going to aid them in making a diagnosis and prescribing treatment? Quite frankly, none whatsoever. I’m no medical expert, but I’m sure antibiotics are the same for a straight person, a gay man or a bisexual woman.

    Unless it’s related to your health, I believe that your sexuality is not the NHS’s business. The precious eight minutes you get with a GP is short enough, without taking up the time to ask unnecessary questions. You want medical advice from a doctor. Not your sexual preference being interrogated.

    So, from 2019, every patient over the age of 16 will be asked to state their sexuality. Is it really relevant to ask an 80-year-old grandfather if they’ve ever had a relationship with a man?

    I think this ludicrous, intrusive and damn right ridiculous question should be scrapped before it even begins. Doctors and the NHS are stretched enough as it is, without adding sexuality checks to their workload. Let them stick to what they do best. Medically treating and diagnosing patients. And this is something they do exceptionally well, without knowing a patient’s sexual orientation.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Religious bigots don’t deserve to keep their jobs

    The Archbishop of Sydney has said that religious believers could lose their jobs if same-sex marriage is legalised in Australia. If these religious believers are acting bigoted or being narrow-minded, then quite frankly, they don’t deserve to keep their jobs.

    He went on to say those religious believers could also face discrimination suits and bullying if the bill is passed. But what about the bullying and discrimination homosexuals have faced for years? He clearly doesn’t care about the homosexuals facing this. Hypocrisy. And such a caring attitude for a religious leader. Please excuse my sarcasm.

    He told worshippers that the government should “keep out of the friendship business and out of the bedroom.” Maybe he should take his own advice and keep out of the situation also. What right does being the Archbishop give him to interfere in friendship and bedroom matters?

    “The state has no business telling us who we should love and how, sexually or otherwise.” In his arrogance, he is, ironically, showing support of same-sex marriage. Thank you for that Archbishop. For once, we might actually agree on a point. No one should play God and tell anyone who they can love or marry. Pun intended. The fact we still need to vote on such matters is a disgrace in itself.

    This delightful human being carried on saying that it’s best for children to have a mother and a father. So Archbishop, what about the poor children who have been bought up in a single parent family because one parent died? Or the awful stories we hear of children being sexually abused by their mother and father?

    I’m no genius, but that is clearly not best for children. Issues in our society are not so black and white. It’s not a simple case of stating children should have heterosexual parents, one being a woman and one being a man.

    In my eyes, it’s best for children to have a role model who cares for them and loves them unconditionally and teaches them right from wrong. This could be a single parent or a mother and father or a mother and mother or a father and father.

    He continued in his arrogant preaching by saying if marriage is redefined, it will be very hard to speak up for real marriage anymore. What is real marriage, Archbishop? Beg my pardon for my simplistic views, but I thought marriage was the joining of two people who love each other whilst committing themselves, for richer, poorer, in sickness and in health etc.

    He said the vote had implications for religious freedom. This is actually so angering because the vote actually has massive implications for human freedom. The freedom for people to marry who they want to marry.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • #NationalComingOutDay – Every experience is different

    Coming out of the closet is a different experience for everyone and it may not always be as positive as the Diana Ross song.

    For most people, you’ll end up coming out more than once – which people don’t really tell you about. Sure, the first time is the hardest and most nerve-wracking but as long as you’re meeting new people and you don’t have an I’M GAY tattoo scrawled across your forehead, you’re going to end up coming out… a lot. Like most things, it gets easier over time and those two simple words will end up flowing out of your mouth almost habitually. But it’s that first time, that one moment where you break it to the people closest to you – be it your immediate family, best friends, whoever – that seems to swallow up the spotlight.

    I’ve met people who openly talk about their coming out experiences with warm, knowing smiles. On the other end of the argument, I’ve also met people who refuse to conform to this notion that we as gay people owe anyone but ourselves a need to self-label. Personally, talking about how I came out makes me uncomfortable. Because that’s the reality – or my reality, rather. I wasn’t sat down opposite my parents with my fingers entwined with my boyfriend’s on my eighteenth birthday, I wasn’t at an emotionally happy place to be able to merrily own my label, I was a shivering wreck and I’m pretty sure I blubbered the words out inaudibly at first. That glorified moment of self-empowerment, of owning my sexuality and confronting my traditional parents, was eclipsed with awkward mumbling, a permanently nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach and enough tears to drown a whale.

    At the forefront of this day, October 11th, coming out is celebrated for the extreme bravery that it takes to leave that dark, damp closet and step into the light. But that’s an over-simplification of something that’s just not as black and white as saying “I’m gay” or “I’m bi” or “I’m whatever letter of the LGBTQIA+ community”. There is validity behind the argument that by coming out you’re fulfilling this necessary quota before you can officially call yourself an out and proud queer person (and I’m using queer as an umbrella term here).

    As a community that has been ostracised, marginalised, called every pejorative name in the book, beaten and even made illegal, we are taught to hate ourselves. That we’re going to Hell. The relationship between teenagers who commit suicide and their sexuality or gender identification is alarming.

    Homophobia isn’t as dead as some people want to believe and it isn’t a matter of being a social justice warrior, these heartbreaking facts that plague our community with exceptionally high numbers of homelessness and violent prejudice warrant wanting days like these. For civil awareness and to discuss issues in our community.

    Coming out seems like a meagre thing when you compare it to the more pressing matters that we face. If I’m safe and comfortable with myself, why do I need to come out? Why should I directly have to express my sexual orientation to those around me to prove that I am, in fact, not straight? Judith Butler, a philosopher and gender theorist, argues that coming out does not protect oneself from oppression or discrimination. A lot can change from coming out, perhaps you won’t feel as alienated, perhaps you’ll be able to be more in touch with yourself and other around you, perhaps you won’t have to hide away a part of yourself that you’ve been purposefully repressing.

    While, in that sense, coming out can bring you closer to your friends or your family if there’s one thing you take away from reading this I want it to be what follows: You don’t owe anybody anything. There’s no plausible situation where you have to come out or disclose your sexual identity if you do not want to. There are people in this world who will love you unconditionally and accept you without question, I’m not denying that. But at the expense of sounding cynical, there are also people who won’t do either of those things. And yes, it’s unfair, and yes, they’re assholes, and yes, they don’t understand what it’s like but you don’t gain anything from coming out that you won’t already have if you know who you are and you love who you are.

    The pressure that we receive, especially as young people (hi, I’m seventeen), can feel overwhelming, can feel overpowering. There might be people you look up to who say that if you don’t come out, you’re lying to yourself, or that you owe it to be a role model and come out so that people know it’s okay to be who you are. I know that that’s definitely been the case for me multiple times. The only reason my heart was beating so fast on the day I came out, on the 17th of October in 2015, was because I was afraid. Not that I wouldn’t be accepted, I knew they wouldn’t take it well. But my fear came from outside – from the reaction of others – I knew who I was a long time ago and I had come out to myself way before I came out to others.

    Like everything in life, this day is filled with contrasting emotions; I am happy that I took a leap of faith and came out to my parents two years ago, but I am also saddened by the fact that some people can’t come out or feel the need to do so prematurely because everyone’s telling them they should. I wrote down my coming out experience because I wanted to remember it. I said, “They cried, I cried, we hugged, a lot was said. Too much to mark down. But it was one of the scariest things, but also one of the bravest things, I will ever have to do in my life.”

    To my fifteen-year-old self, to anyone who hasn’t yet, I just want to tell you that this day is a day of celebration. Not for coming out to the people around you, but for coming out to yourself. I was wrong when I wrote down that coming out to my family was the scariest and bravest thing I will ever have to do – coming out to myself, first and foremost, was. No one has the right to demand a label from you, or that you label yourself, but what I will ask of you is that you love who you are regardless of what anybody says. Anyway I try to finish this will be unoriginal and cheesy so I’ll end with this:

    You matter and you are never, ever alone.

    With love,

    Lee.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | How gay men Hooked Up before the tech

    The Rural Closet

    In my mind, this is how I imagine the closet to be. A crowded dim place, smelling of hay, stale clothes, and dried semen. Somewhere a dog had whimpered, but now fallen quiet having relieved itself. The warm stench of canine urine adds to the atmosphere. The silence is broken only by the notification sounds of mobile phones.

    Once in this dank place, men stood shoulder to shoulder, but these days there is more space as most have one hand held high trying to get a signal on their mobile device. Where previously the darkness was only ever broken by someone “coming out” and leaving the door ajar, now there is the constant glimmer from various apps as men try to hook up.

    Thirty years ago it was all so different. The rural closet of old, required an energy and commitment. Some might even say it was healthier; as before technology brought available cock through the electronic ether, men cruised and cottaged.

    There was a community of nodding acquaintances. Friendships were created through the frequenting of a familiar hunting ground. Regulars were known and most visited at around the same time of the day and night, on their way to and from work, or perhaps walking the dog later at night.

    Knowledge and warnings were shared of those who could be discrete, others who could not be trusted and some who engaged in unsafe acts. Some would come and go in total anonymity, their only desire being to purge themselves of an urge, by way of quick grope and fondle of another similarly excited.

    The characters had nicknames such as Picnic Paul, or Coral Colin, the Raven, Whopper of a chopper, earned from bringing a sandwich and a flask, working at the local bookies, just watching and never playing and an endowment to behold.

    There was a sense of camaraderie, people watched out for each other, and even cared to inquire if someone was not seen for a while, “Is he ill?”, “What’s the matter; cock gone soft?”, “Warned off by the Police”, and the worse thing of all that could happen?

    “Prosecuted for importuning and named in the papers!”

    The fellowship that was once synonymous with the male seeking like-minded company would often take up a whole evening for no reward. Then quite by chance, it could sometimes pay dividends with a little pleasure and relief.  I remember being told it’s not what you get, for it does not last that long; it is more the thrill of the chase.

    The meeting places of convenience by name and nature are mainly boarded up, demolished or converted to snack bars on the highways and byways. The cruising grounds are still there but now, a more aware public is suspicious of a man alone.

    Not all change is for the best. Some if it although safer now lacks humanity, being so clinical, so antisocial and just seems to be nothing more than”a meat rack in the cloud.”

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Six reasons guys may engage in the services of a sex worker

    Six reasons guys may engage in the services of a sex worker

    Writing in 2013, writer Greg Mitchell outlined six reasons why men might call upon the services of an escort and asked if Prostitution was the last taboo.

    FILE PHOTO

    One will typically find, when talking about sex, that a gay man will say something along the lines of, “I’d never use an escort. I don’t have to.” The inference being, that they are too sexy, good-looking young or whatever for them to even consider the services of a sex worker. Well, let me tell you, there are many reasons a guy might choose to see an escort, and usually, it has very little to do with the way they look. Most are just average guys, the kind of guy you might have winked at in a bar, and some of the ones I’ve seen have been downright gorgeous. Admittedly, there are a few who look better with the lights out, but for the most part, they are just ordinary guys.

    Six reasons

    1. He’s in a long-term relationship. He still loves his partner, but his partner doesn’t enjoy the same sort of sex he does. Seeing an escort is far safer than picking someone up on the internet or in a bar. His partner is far less likely to find out about it, and the escort is far less likely to turn into a bunny boiler.

    2. Maybe he’s disabled in some way. We do tend to forget the physical needs of the disabled, as if a disability should condemn someone to a life time of celibacy. One of my clients, a sweet and gentle man, had lost both his legs in an accident. Sex wasn’t easy for him, but it was possible and he still had needs. Much better to use the service of a professional.

    3. This is one of the most surprising, but it happens. A young guy, who wants someone with a bit of experience to each them a few things. I wrote an article about one such experience for my blog. Take a look

    4. The businessman in town for a couple of nights. He has a limited amount of time and doesn’t want to waste it hanging around in bars or trying to find someone on Grindr or Scruff (you know how time-consuming that can be). The answer, call an escort. Even better, make the booking before you arrive in town. You may be surprised to hear that many book in advance.

    5. Those who want to have sex with that particular escort; probably because they’ve seen him in a movie (escorting and porn often go together).

    6. Someone who wants to explore and indulge a particular fetish. Believe it or not, it can be safer to explore this with an escort, someone who has a website and umpteen ads on various sites, than someone who is a complete unknown.

    Do we really wish to criminalise these men? Absolutely not, nor should the State be interfering in what is, after all, a transaction between two consenting adults. It’s my contention that the problems of trafficking, drugs and coercion could be more easily be dealt with by decriminalising and regulating the industry, rather than creating more bands of legislation and driving the industry further underground. It’s called the oldest profession in the world for a reason, and it’s time that our attitudes to both sex and the sex industry became more grown up.

    Read the original article here

  • COMMENT | Discovering I was different

    What was I?

    Getting information was difficult in the 1970s. It was all so confusing. My point of reference was the tabloid press. It was what my father and grandfather read and the only available resource. I knew I couldn’t ask them.

    When an actor or pop singer was in disgrace for an unmentionable act with a member of the same sex, it was all so vague. I thought I knew that couldn’t be me though as I couldn’t act or sing and had no desire for the attire and makeup of the glam rock era.

    In the playground, I heard the same derogatory remarks slung at boys from each other “you’re a bummer, a wanker, a homo and a queer.” The narrative had an intent to offend and insult, but I didn’t know what the words meant. Did one of those words describe me?

    The narrative had an intent to offend and insult, but I didn’t know what the words meant. Did one of those words describe me?

    It was about 2.45pm on a Wednesday afternoon in the early summer of 1974. I was 11 years old. Taking the Environmental Studies class was Miss Barker a temporary teacher. It was her first day and our first lesson with her.

    She was a  pretty young woman in her early to mid 2os. Casually dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt with a v-neck. Her cleavage was pert and visible. The colour of the clothing and bra beneath did nothing to conceal that she had nipples like Tractor stater buttons.

    One of my friends suggested he would like Miss Barker to run her fingers down his spine. He shivered as if the thought of it had made him tingle all over. The other boys we were sat with all eagerly joined in expressing similar opinions.

    I knew I did not want her to touch me. Geoff the boy at the front who was athletic, having experienced a pre-teenage explosion of testosterone would be my choice.

    I don’t know why but I didn’t share it with the others. I knew it meant I was different but I did not have a name for it; or anyone I could talk to about it. In that instant, I had learned something about me and I knew it would be my secret for some time into the future.

    It would be nearly 5 more years before I found out, I was not one of those playground taunts; but that I had hit the jackpot and was all of them!

  • Dating apps make men unhappy and provide a platform for racism

    Do dating apps give men body image concerns and lower self-esteem?

    File 20170918 8268 19lvl0g
    shutterstock

    Glen Jankowski, Leeds Beckett University

    As the dating app Tinder turns five, new research shows men who regularly use the app have more body image concerns and lower self-esteem.

    The research found Tinder users reported lower levels of satisfaction with their faces and higher levels of shame about their bodies. And users were also more likely to view their bodies as sexual objects.

    This is hardly surprising given that Tinder’s “evaluative factors” have the potential to intensify preexisting cultural beauty ideals. The app’s “swipe right to dismiss” facility, along with the limited number of words a user can write on their profile means appearance take centre stage. In other words, the more conventionally attractive your photos are, the more likely you are to be clicked, swiped or hit upon by other users.

    But whether men use Tinder or not, most will report dissatisfaction with some aspect of their appearance. This could be anything from height, body hair, muscularity, skin tautness, shoe size, penis size, facial symmetry, head hair amount and more. Sadly there are few areas of the body men do not find fault with.

    The body beautiful?

    Over the last few decades, boys’ and men’s appearances have come under increasing scrutiny. This is largely because in the 1980s businesses finally started exploiting a relatively untapped market: the appearance insecurities of men.

    To demonstrate – today men are sold anti-cellulite cream for their pecs, hair transplants for their facial hair and “manscara” for their eyes. Then there are the boys’ action dolls that have gained muscle and lost body fat with each successive edition. Add this to the fact that 80% of the men featured in popular media such as Men’s Health magazine are of a muscular body build – with many of these models taking drastic measures in the weeks leading up to photos shoots to make sure they look lean.

    These models also tend to have a full head of hair and symmetrical faces. The same goes for porn sites – where almost all of the men featured are equally ripped and stereotypically “handsome”.

    Love your selfie.
    Shutterstock

    It’s unsurprising then that boys today feel they are growing up in a world which focuses heavily upon their appearance. Of course, this is a problem that has plagued women and girls for decades. And in the way that this has impacted girls for so long, now this pressure is impacting on boys’ well-being. One recent study found almost one in five boys had resorted to diet pills, purging, skipping meals, steroids or tanning products to change their appearance.

    White washing

    But beyond appearance pressures, dating apps are doubly damaging because they often operate in a sphere where sexual racism is commonplace.

    The dating app OKCupid recently analysed sexual racism among 1m of its male site users. The company found that compared to black, Asian or minority ethnic users, white users got more messages. White users were also found to be less likely to reply or match with users of a different race to themselves, and more likely to question interracial marriage.

    Online dating comes with its own rules, preferences and prejudices.
    Shutterstock

    Recent research from Australia also found that 15% of gay men on the dating app Grindr included sexual racism on their profiles. This was more likely to be the case if the profile user was white, and if the user held broader racist views.

    I too have noticed gay men who write offensive terms that specify race preferences on their profiles – such as “Black=block”, “no gaysians” or even “no chocolate or rice”. In its terms and conditions, Grindr bans offensive speech. Which is in part why, three years ago, I started a Twitter account, @GrindrRacism to encourage Grindr to remove offensive profiles. Disappointingly Grindr has often been slow to act though – meaning sexual racism is still present on the app.

    Dating elite

    Of course apps aren’t the cause of racism around sexual preferences. Instead like appearance pressures, users are influenced by what’s going on in wider society. By not tackling those problems in society, however, – for example cracking down on offensive speech – apps can act as enablers for racism and insecurity.

    So while in some ways, these apps have brought our dating lives into the 21st century – where casual sex is more accepted and where gay men can meet other gay men without being imprisoned – in other ways, they also remind me of the 1950s, a time when shops would hang “No Blacks” signs in their doorways and when magazines like Playboy relentlessly objectified women’s appearances.

    The ConversationUltimately given that more people are using dating apps than ever before, they need to work for everyone – not just those who are “attractive” or white.

    Glen Jankowski, Senior Lecturer in the School of Social Sciences, Leeds Beckett University

     

    This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.

     

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