THEGAYUK

Category: Resources

  • How and when to come out to homophobic parents

    It’s pretty sobering that in 2017 there are gay people who are still fearing homophobic reactions from their parents.

    when should i come out to my homophobic parents
    CREDIT: bigstock-soupstock

    One questioner took to Quora to ask the internet how and when they should come out to their homophobic parents.

    Miles Hirson, writing on the forum said that they should wait until they are no longer financially dependent on them. This echoes the thoughts and advice of sex expert, Dan Savage, who often advises LGBT people on his weekly podcast to wait until they are able to afford their own rent, finish their education and fend for themselves without having to rely on their anti-gay parents.

    Miles said,

    “Don’t listen to what the liberal media tells you, use your head. Do you really need to tell your parents that you’re gay more than you need to finish school with a place to live and food to eat?

    “The people on TV telling you to come out aren’t gonna be at your front door to take care of you when your family kicks you out. be rational and get real,”

    It’s worth noting that in the UK, one-quarter of homeless people, on the street, are part of the LGBT+ community who have been chucked out by homophobic parents.

    ALSO READ:

     

    Ethan Reilly Browder seconded the sobering advice, adding,

    “If coming out to someone can lead to your discomfort or can lead to you not being safe, don’t do it”.

    If you’ve been thrown out by homophobic parents don’t forget you can always contact the Albert Kennedy Trust.

     

  • The best websites for combating bullying

    If you’re looking for information about bullying and to help combat bullying we’ve compiled a list of bullying websites.

    the best anti-bullying websites and charities

    The resources listed here may be able to help you prevent bullying. Bullying isn’t just confined to the school playground. It can happen to any gender, any age group at home or at work. These helplines and resources could help you. Support is out there. Please reach out.

     

    Bullying UK

    0800 800 222

    Their mission is to support the victims of bullying and raise awareness of the Anti-bullying message.

     

    Ditch The Label

    One of the largest pro-equality and anti-bullying charities in the world. Their award-winning work spans across the UK, USA and Mexico; promoting equality and empowering people aged 12-25 to overcome bullying.

     

    Switchboard  (formerly London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard)

    0300 330 0630

    Lines open 10AM – 11PM

    Instant messaging support

    and email:  chris@switchboard.lgbt

     

    LGBT Foundation (formerly The Lesbian and Gay Foundation)

    0845 3 30 30 30

    Lines open 10AM – 10PM

    helpline@lgbt.foundation

    This Switchboard provides an information, support and referral service for the Manchester and North-West area.

     

    Samaritans

    08457 90 90 90

    1850 60 90 90 (ROI)

    Email Support: jo@samaritians.org

    The Samaritans have telephone support volunteers working 24 hours a day all over the UK Find your local Samaritans at.

     

    National Bullying Helpline

    0845 22 55 787

    http://nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/

     

    Anti-Bullying Network

    http://www.antibullying.net/youngpeople.htm

     

    Anti-Bullying Alliance

    http://www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk

     

    Beat Bullying

    http://www.beatbullying.org

     

    Childline

    0800 44 1111

    Northern Ireland

    Northern Ireland Anti-Bullying Forum

    028 9043 1123

     

     

     

    WALES

    LGBT Cymru Helpline

    0870 858828

    www.lgbtcymruhelpline.org.uk

    LGBT  Cymru Helpline is a free and professional caring service for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender people in Wales aiming to counteract feelings of individual social isolation and strengthen connections between LGBT communities in all our areas. We also provide information on LGBT services, and support LGBT families and friends.

    Helpline – 0870 858828 open Mon & Wed 7.00 – 9.00 pm (calls at 3.9p per minute)

     

    Mesmac North Wales

    01248 363 431

    Mesmac North Wales provides access to a chat room and a variety of social events in North Wales area. Help-line – 01248 363431 open Tuesdays 7.00 – 9.00pm.

    E-mail keith@mesmac.com

    Post: c/o  Keith Parry, 2 Bryn Difyr, Bangor Gwynedd LL57 1H

     

     

    Parenting of LGB people

    SPLAG Wales – Support for Parents of Lesbians and Gay Men

    0845 652 0321

    www.SPLAGWales.org.uk

    Confidential helplines are run across the UK by voluntary parents of LGB people to support parents and their children

    Helpline for Wales – 0845 652 0321 or 0845 652 0322 open evenings and weekends

    e-mail: janet.jeffries@btinternet.com

     

     

    Scotland

    LGBT Helpline Scotland

    0300 123 2523

    National service – LGBT Helpline Scotland – provides information and emotional support to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and their families, friends and supporters across Scotland. We are also here to support those questioning or wanting to discuss their sexuality or gender identity.

     

     

  • 5 ways to beat the bullies

    Don’t suffer in silence. THEGAYUK Columnist Chris Bridges shares 5 ways to beat the bullies and how he dealt with the homophobes in his life.

    CREDIT: Flynt-bigstock

    1) Tell people about it

    The worst bullying of all came from a sport’s teacher (clichéd, I know but people often do behave in a way so tediously true to the expected norm). The belittling comments and name calling during sports lessons set a precedent. If it was acceptable for a teacher to call me ‘the poofter’ in front of the class then it was acceptable for everyone, surely? The resolution came when he blacked my eye (accidentally) by throwing an icy cold football at my face with velocity whilst shouting some retro homophobic name at me. Cue a minor inquiry and a partial resolution of his nasty behaviour (it was the ‘80s, people could get away with more bad stuff than now). It’s easy to see, in retrospect, that I could have made it end a lot quicker had I spoken out sooner to maybe my parents or a sympathetic teacher. At the time this felt terrifying and impossible but I realise now that I didn’t deserve this and that whatever I did to speak out then the moron couldn’t hurt me any more than he already was doing.

    2) There’s safety in numbers

    Take comfort in your allies and if possible, befriend the like minded. I’d tell 12-year-old Chris that he has a great bunch of friends who actually seem to like him and will stand up for him. I made friends with two other gay teenagers and that was an incredibly lucky thing for me. I was lucky that they existed and we got on. We’d hang out together and to our surprise, it was harder to bully three people than one. My loyal female friends were a support too. There was a memorable incident when a boy tripped me over on the way home and my female friend punched him squarely on the jaw. He didn’t cross me again for fear of her firm left-hook. Naturally, I wouldn’t ever advocate violence but I really wish I’d known before that my group of friends were so willing to take no nonsense whilst I was prepared to take so much.

    3) What they’re saying is rubbish

    Just because you have a crush on the singer from Duran Duran and like a good show tune doesn’t make you inferior. Whatever names they might call you are utterly irrelevant. The opinion of someone who terrorises someone due to his or her sexuality really doesn’t count at all. It’s worth less than zero. In fact, it’s worth less than that even. It needs a whole scale of its own; it’s so beneath contempt.

    4) Look for positive role models

    Not so easy in the 1980s but this is a bit easier now, hopefully. Even back in the bad old days of leg warmers and The Kids from Fame, there were strong positive people to look up to. It was a revelation to me, at the age of 14, to discover gay literature. I devoured books by Edmund White and Felice Picano and took a keen interest in historical figures like Harvey Milk who had fought so strongly for the cause. Pop music gave me idols too and Andy Bell and Jimmy Somerville were strong and unashamedly gay figures. These people taught me more about humanity and strength than any meathead sports teacher or vile acting teenager with an axe to grind.

    I also found comfort from a local gay youth group and the local gay switchboard. I was amazed that other people understood what the strife I was going through and that I wasn’t alone.

    5) Remember: You really are a lot more fierce and fabulous than they’ll ever be

    Nothing to say about this on except: fact!

    This is just my advice to myself and doesn’t apply to everyone. Bullying is a hard thing to stand up to and to get through alone. If you are being bullied because of your sexuality or any other reason, whatever age you are, then please get some professional help and advice.

     

    Here are some useful links:
    http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Bullying/Pages/Homophobicbullying.aspx
    http://www.standupfoundation.com/

    http://www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/advice/children-young-people.aspx

    http://www.eachaction.org.uk/about-each/

     

  • 10 of the best Coming Out films

    10 of the best Coming Out films

    This is a regular subject matter for gay films these days and we have chosen these 10 from right across the spectrum.

    the best coming out as gay films
    CREDIT: Edge of Seventeen / YouTube

    BEGINNERS

    Christopher Plummer’s Oscar-winning turn as newly widowed 75-year-old Hal who declares to Oliver his son (Ewan McGregor) that he is now gay and is determined to make the most of the time he has left. Sweet and very funny.

    Buy On Amazon | Buy On iTunes

    EDGE OF SEVENTEEN

    This sentimental story set in small town America in 1984 teaches High School student Eric that love and sex are not the same things and he almost goes back into the closet. Great period piece, well acted and a neat happy ending.

    Buy On Amazon

    OUT IN THE DARK

    A heartstring-tugging story of forbidden love between an Israeli and a Palestinian in Tel Aviv where the latter risks his life if he comes out to his family. It’s all the more remarkable that after all the horrors the pair goes through, that the overwhelming feeling that one comes away with from this film, is of hope.

    Buy On Amazon | Buy On iTunes

    IN THE NAME OF

    A remarkable and unpredictable drama that deals with a repressed Polish Catholic priest’s personal struggle with his homosexuality. Brave, controversial and extremely moving: it worn a prestigious Teddy Award for best LGBT film at Berlinale.

    Buy On Amazon | Buy On iTunes

    MIXED KEBAB

    Bram a good looking Belgian/Turkish 20-year-old gets thrown out of his family home in Antwerp when he comes out, although his father is happy to house his other sons who are crooks, which is far better than being gay. An intelligent drama that becomes an entertaining romance.

    Buy On Amazon | Buy On iTunes

    WHITE FROG

    Nick, the youngest son of a wealthy Chinese/American family tries to put the pieces together of his older brother’s life after he was tragically killed in a car crash and discovers that he had wanted to ‘come out’ to him before he had died. Very endearing.

    Buy On Amazon

    FREE FALL

    In this hot and steamy German tale, one straight trainee policeman discovers that probably shouldn’t be getting married to his pregnant girlfriend after all, when he has a very physical relationship with one of his colleagues. Very well written, and beautifully acted.

    Buy On Amazon | Buy On iTunes

    CIRCUMSTANCE

     

    This coming-of-age story tells of two teenage girls, who are best friends, dealing with all the restrictions of growing up in Iran today. The girls are exploring their emerging sexuality as they become part of Tehran’s underground party scene. Superb, if not scary, look at some of the conflicts and struggles in contemporary Iran.

    Buy On Amazon | Buy On iTunes

    BEAUTIFUL THING

    From 1996 this wonderful British film version of Jonathan Harvey’s hit play about two gay teenagers finding themselves and each other in a Council Estate in London.

    Buy On Amazon

    THE WAY HE LOOKS

    An award-winning Brazilian film about a blind school boy and his virginal innocent friend who are slow to realise their feelings for each other. Tender, with some neat touches of humour … We predict that you will so fall in love with this one when you see it.

    Buy On Amazon

    List compiled by Roger Walker-Dack in July 2014.

  • What to do if your naked pictures are leaked online

    Over the last month, a number of high profile male celebs have had private pictures hacked and leaked onto the internet.

    © belchonock Depositphotos

    We spoke to Phil Gorski at Blacks Solicitors about what steps you can take to protect your data and your private pictures if you become a victim of hacked data or revenge porn.

    Be sure before you send…

    “The sort of easy thing to say but rather difficult thing to do is, where these images are taken consensually then you need to be thinking very carefully about whether you actually want to do it or not. Not putting yourself in the position where there are images around in the first place is the easy fix but not necessarily something that someone will always want to do.”

    Get in contact with the publisher of the picture.

    “If something does get out there, then the first thing that anybody should do is get in touch with the site concerned if it’s an online publication. Because, by-in-large, if a site has a good reputation, if it’s a Facebook or a Google or whatever, they will react very quickly to remove the images.

    “There are systems in place where users can actually click on the right place and say, ‘This is what it is, this is where it is and you need to take it down.’”

    Revenge porn is a crime. Report it.

    “Last year there was a new piece of legislation introduced, which actually set out the specific crime of revenge porn. There is a specific charge that can be brought and so the option is there and should probably be taken if the information has been distributed to a large number of people.

    “What the legislation says is that where you’ve got photographs and the phrasing is, “… of a private or sexual nature …” That doesn’t mean you have to be showing intimate body parts or anything like that. It can be in a sort of context that’s perceived to be sexual.

    “If they are disclosed and it’s done without consent and the purpose of disclosing them was to cause distress or embarrassment, which when you think about it, it would be very difficult to not be the case. Then, there’s a potential crime that’s taken place.”

    An injunction?

    “All of these images would be considered to be of a private nature regardless of the criminal side of things. You would, where someone like me might be involved, a civil litigation lawyer would be, think about whether there’s a possibility of an injunction on privacy grounds.

    “That’s something that you would have to be a rich celebrity to afford, unfortunately.”

    Remember the Barbara Streisand effect.

    “There’s a really interesting case in relation to privacy law that dates back a while involved Barbara Streisand and … and it’s led to something called the Streisand effect, which basically (means) sometimes you’re much better off not making a fuss because the coverage of your legal proceedings lead to far more attention than there was in the first place.”

     

     

  • Reader’s Tips For Coming Out

    It’s National Coming Out Day so we asked you to give us your top tips for going through what is often a life changing event in a person’s life.

    I am not gay

    1) Don’t apologise.

    2) Only come out if it is what you want to do. If you feel pressured    into coming out, remember that it has to be your decision. It is a big decision to make in your life and the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with what you are doing.

    3) Do it the way you most feel comfortable! I told my Dad by letter, but my friends mainly face to face… it just got easier the more I did it.

    4) Treat it like a band-aid and just tear it off. Quick and almost painless. Just tell them, quickly, confidently and get it over with.

    5) Don’t approach the situation like you’re about to announce you’re terminally ill. Body language and the tone of your voice will play a massive role in how people react to what you’re saying.

    6) If you don’t get the reaction you expect, don’t be put off. You will get some negative reactions, but that is their problem not yours. The amount of positive reactions will far outweigh the negative ones.

    7) Speaking to a helpline, like Switchboard – first, if you’re not sure what to say. Talking with a counsellor or helpline can help you find the words you need to describe what you’re feeling.

    8) If you’re not sure how to bring it up, casually talk about a celebrity’s recent coming out like Tom Daley or Charlie King and gauge the reaction before going any further.

    9) It’s not an all or nothing deal. You don’t HAVE to tell everyone all at once. Start off with one person and let it grow organically from there.

    10) There is no right or wrong way to come out. It should be a tailor-made experience, as individual as you are.

  • 5 Steps To Finding Your LGBT Identity

    Being part of the LGBT family means that it is harder to find a role model to look up to: while there are more LGBT faces in the media then there where five to ten years ago 98% of what we see and hear about is straight people in straight relationships.

    In our day to day life too: straight is usually the norm. If you come from a deeply religious family finding your true self is even more difficult.
    So it is still up to the individual to develop their own unique personae and see how to fit your sexuality in your life.
    Finding yourself can be difficult or easy: it depends on a persons own mental strength, how they are raised, their family situation and their support network.

    It can be a long journey that takes difficulty and courage, but most get there in the end.

    The most important thing is finding people who are supportive of you whether in physical form or on the internet. The difference a friendly person in a chat-room or an understanding e-mail can make must not be underestimated.

    The other important thing is inner strength: when faced with disapproval and homophobia from people around us.

    5 tips to build your mental and emotional strength and identity in the LGBT world:

    Affirmations:

    Build your self esteem by positive affirmations. Search books an the internet for positive quotes, poems and songs about gay life and repeat these to yourself as often as you feel necessary. Memorise them if needed.
    Tolerance:

    This one might seem odd: why would you tolerate those that do not tolerate you? Well, it just makes things easier. If you are forced to put up with people at work or intolerant neighbours there is merit in the old practise of “letting the idiot talk”. As long as someone is not harming you or have it in for you personally, let people spill their bile and ignore it. Often people are so fixed in their opinions that it is a waste of time to get upset about it or to try and change them. Smile, think of something else, pity the fool and then carry on with your day.
    Read and watch:

    Seek out videos, books and articles of other people that describe their journey and follow the advise that speaks to you. Even if you do not care for any of the advise given, it is good to take comfort in the fact that there are others like you out there that took the same journey and made it.

    Reach out:

    As said earlier it is important to get to know other LGBT people be it in person or online. You don’t need to go to clubs or bars immediately, that can be scary. Try to find an LGBT support group, a book-club or even a fitness club. People often think they immediately have to go to clubs and sometimes this scares them: Clubs are fun, but not the only place to meet with other LGBT members.

    Don’t expect too much:

    People often think that once they set out on the scene and come out to their friends and family everything will be different, a new life starts and it will be wonderful. Sadly no, these sparkling coming out movies are just that: movies. It takes time to find your way in the scene, to meet someone and build a life. Also you will have to come out more then once: you will have to come out to every new person that becomes part of your life and you will continue to get into situations where you face prejudice and homophobia. If you accept these possibilities and try to make the most of the good things in life everything else will come easily.

    by Dannii Cohen

    Dannii Cohen is a psychologist, counsellor and author specialised in LGBT issues.

  • Ten Ways To Come Out As Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Trans

    We asked readers and our writers for their top tips for coming out.

    Everybody’s experience for coming out will be different, what works for one person might not work for someone else, but hopefully at least one of these tips will help you in the process of coming out.

    1) Only come out if it is what you want to do. If you feel pressured into coming out, remember that it has to be your decision. It is a big decision to make in your life and the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with what you are doing.

    2) Treat it like a bandaid and just tear it off. Quick and almost painless. Just tell them, quickly, confidently and get it over with.

    3) Don’t approach the situation like you’re about to announce you’re terminally ill. Body language and the tone of your voice will play a massive role in how people react to what you’re saying.

    4) Do it the way you most feel comfortable! I told my Dad by letter, but my friends mainly face to face…it just got easier the more I did it.

    5) Speaking to a helpline, like Switchboard – first, if you’re not sure what to say. Talking with a counsellor or helpline can help you find the words you need to describe what you’re feeling.

    6) If you’re not sure how to bring it up, casually talk about a celebrity’s recent coming out like Tamal Ray or Apple’s Tim Cook and gauge the reaction before going any further.

    7) If you don’t get the reaction you expect, don’t be put off. You will get some negative reactions, but that is their problem not yours. The amount of positive reactions will far outweigh the negative ones.

    8) It’s not an all or nothing deal. You don’t HAVE to tell everyone all at once. Start off with one person and let it grow organically from there.

    9) Don’t apologise.

    10) There is no right or wrong way to come out. It should be a tailor-made experience, as individual as you are.

  • LEGAL CLINIC: Employment Law And Transgender Rights

    In recent months, the transgender community has faced a large degree of media attention, which not only has encouraged discussion around transsexual individuals, but has also shone light on the rights of individuals, no matter their gender or sexuality.

    Most notably, Caitlyn Jenner has been the centre of attention and whilst she has attracted an overwhelming level of support, there were still those who voiced their hostility towards her. Most notably, musician Drake Bell insisted on calling her ‘Bruce.’ There have also been further high profile cases including the case of Leyth Jamal who made a claim against Saks Fifth Avenue stating that she was told to use the men’s bathroom, told to dress more masculine, and eventually dismissed for being transgender.

    Unfortunately, cases such as these represent the tip of the iceberg for those undergoing gender reassignment, many of whom face abuse, discrimination and harassment from those around them.

    On a positive note, however, businesses and employers globally are now taking note of the importance of diversity in the workplace and are changing their approach accordingly. High profile employers such as Goldman Sachs and Barclays are already leading the way for acceptance and integration of LGBT employees. Like many other organisations, they recognise the need to retain the very best talent.

    Advice to individuals who are considering, or undergoing, transitioning to their target gender is conflicted at times and is often informed by US law, which is very different to our own. To follow are some common questions that we as a law firm have received from the transgender community, which we hope will provide guidance on your rights in the workplace.

    Here we look at your frequently asked questions about your rights.

    What does the law say?

    What about gender queer individuals, or those who adopt a different gender temporarily (e.g. transvestites)?

    I have heard my employer can dismiss me for being transgender – is this true?

    Do I have to disclose that I am transgender?

    I have decided to live life as my target gender, how do I ‘come out’ to my colleagues?

    My colleagues have been largely supportive, but there is one who is making me really uncomfortable by joking about my physical appearance and changes. What do I do?

    I have various treatments planned as part of my gender reassignment? Am I entitled to time off?

    In Summary

    Fortunately, social media has made conversations regarding gender reassignment easier and employers are becoming increasingly understanding of the issues faced by transgender employees. There are employers who will provide an environment where you are allowed to be your authentic self and rewarded for your skills and experience. Importantly, if there are evident signs of bullying or harassment concerning your gender or sexuality, speak to your manager or seek advice from a third party – don’t sit in silence, the law is there to protect you.

    By Zee Hussain, partner and Head of the Employment Department at Colemans-ctts

  • LGBT hate crime and how to defend yourself

    According to the Gay British Crime Survey 2013, compiled by Stonewall, one in ten LBGT people were physically abused in an act of hate crime in the previous three years, and twice that number were threatened with violence. Of the attacks that took place, two thirds were carried out by men who were unknown to the victim and half of these were carried out by men under the age of 25.

    Whilst members of the LBGT community continue to feel under threat from homophobic physical assault, it’s no wonder that many people including females, are wanting to learn self-defence, should the worst happen. Throughout the country there are a growing number of self-defence courses being set up to cater for this increased demand. One such high profile course is offered by the University of London, which combines martial arts and personal awareness training to help LBGT students “better understand their personal safety and give them the confidence to protect themselves.”

    For those who are averse to joining a self-defence class but still want some advice on how to protect themselves when threatened with attack, there are a number of fairly easy techniques to use.

    The priority should always be to try to prevent the attack happening in the first place, and there are a number of steps that can be done to do this. Firstly, people should avoid situations in which they make themselves vulnerable to attack. Attacks are less likely in busy places and especially so if the person threatened is with other people. Being drunk or under the influence of drugs also makes people easy targets. LGBT people in threatening situations need to be aware of their surroundings and should seek the help of others.

    Remember that in most cases, the aggressor is looking for an easy target. If they continue to threaten, it’s important to maintain eye contact. By doing this, the person threatened is showing that they are not intimidated and this will often lead to the aggressor backing down.

    Whilst any confrontation is taking place, it’s important for the victim to stay calm and focused. The aggressor will want the victim to give them a reason for striking out. So, do not accept any challenge, retaliate with insults or strike out first. Walking away can help, but if the bully is truly intent on attacking, it gives them the perfect opportunity to strike whilst the victim is most at risk.

    If the aggressor begins to attack, the first thing the victim should do is shout out at them to get off. This lets others know they are under attack and lets the attacker know they are not an easy target. This may lead to intervention by others or make the attacker think twice about continuing.

    Once the attack has started, it’s even more important to stay in control. Rather than simply hitting out, any counter attack needs to be done where it is likely to have the greatest impact on the aggressor; the eyes, nose, neck, groin, knees and legs. The victim should always use their arms to attack the top half of an aggressor’s body and the legs for the bottom half. How close the attacker is should determine where it is best to strike them. Avoid getting too close as this might cause the attacker to attempt a body hold to put the victim on the ground and make them more vulnerable.

    To make it easier to escape a physical assault, it is always best to strike in places that will cause the attacker pain. The victim can scratch, poke, or even gouge the aggressor’s eyes or use the heel of the hand to stun their nose – both of which would hurt enough to give time to get away from the confrontation.

    Other strikes that can be useful include chopping the side of neck using a flat hand to stun an assailant, or kicking their knee, particularly from the side, which will knock them off balance.

    Victims should always remember that the aim of self-defence is to protect oneself – you have a legal right to do so. However, once there is an opportunity to escape it should be taken. If the aggressor is down and out, do not continue attacking; stop and leave. This will protect you from any legal complaint made by the aggressor

    For more detailed instructions on self-defence, it is highly recommended that individuals take part in organised classes run by qualified instructors, whether ones for the general public or ones specifically set up for the LBGT community.

  • 14 ways to beat bullying

    This month it’s been anti-bullying month here at THEGAYUK. Bullying takes many forms: Name-calling, making negative comments on your work, making someone feel worthless, physical abuse are just some examples.

    So we’ve put some tips together to help anyone out there who might be being bullied. It doesn’t matter if you’re being bullied at school, college, university, work or home.

    Remember if you are being bullied remember it’s not your fault.

    Write Everything Down
    Keep a log of every incident; write down the date, time, location, what happened, what they said and any witnesses that were around.

    Tell Someone
    Tell someone in authority and ask them what they intend to do about it. Tell them any fears you have about reprisals from the bully.

    Someone you trust, like a family member or a friend can also be useful. It means that you’re not dealing with the problem on your own; a problem shared is a problem halved.

    Get Support
    Don’t try to deal with it and your feelings about it all on your own. Get some support. Consider counselling for some additional support around your feelings.

    Know Your Rights
    All educational settings have anti-bullying policies. Some employers have these as well. Even if your employer doesn’t they will have Equality & Diversity Policies as well as other relevant policies. Read them.

    There will also be procedures for investigating and dealing with bullying – so have a look at these as well.

    Know your rights. Nobody has a right to bully another. Make authority figures aware that you know you’re rights.

    Don’t Let It Get To You
    Try to not let the things the bully says or does get to you. Bullies bully for a variety of reasons, but it’s always about their issues, not yours.

    Try Not To Show A Reaction or Smile
    Don’t let the bully see that they are getting to you. To do this, try to give them no reaction or smile. You know that phrase: Smile – it confuses people.

    Walk With Confidence
    Use your body language to make you look larger. Stand with your legs apart, your back straight and your chest pushed out slightly. Have your arms slightly away from your body and loose by your sides. Head up as you walk looking straight ahead. This does take a bit of practice but try practising in front of a full-length mirror. Believe it or not, this is how most bullies walk.

    When we see someone walk like this, especially a bully, we do the opposite with our body language. We make ourselves as small as possible including hunching our back, pulling our arms in close and looking down at the ground. Try to remember to keep this confident body language, even when you see the bully.

    The only time to avoid using body language to make you look larger is in the event of a physical assault. In that case, have your side to the perpetrator, as this will give them less of a target. In the event of a physical assault, get yourself out of the situation as soon as you can and to a place of safety.

    Remember nobody has the right to be violent towards you; likewise, you don’t have the right to be violent towards anyone else. All physical assaults should be reported to the Police.

    If It’s CyberBullying
    If the bully is sending you messages, texts, images and videos, keep them all. Don’t respond to any messages and make good use of privacy settings. Block/Ignore the bully and report them to the social media provider. If the messages get particularly abusive report them to the Police (this is why you need to keep all the messages as evidence).

    Take Sensible Steps To Keep Yourself Safe
    Keep yourself safe by carrying a mobile phone, personal attack alarm and being aware of your surroundings. Never walk home on your own and always try to stay with someone when travelling around the setting where you come into contact with the bully.

    Involve The Police
    Any violence or physical assault should be reported to the Police.

    If the bullying is homophobic or racist in nature you can report it to the Police as a hate crime. Hate crime also covers bullying that is related to disability religion, ethnicity or transgender identify. Find out more about hate crimes on the True Vision website.

    Come up with Good Coping Strategies
    We all have different coping strategies. Some good ones are: taking up sports or martial arts (these are particularly empowering and you learn to defend yourself as well), talking to people, expressing how you feel creatively (e.g. writing, music, drawing, making movies, etc.). All of these activities also raise your confidence and self-esteem – something that bullies try to damage or destroy.

    Avoid Drugs & Alcohol as a Coping Strategy
    There is research that links drugs and alcohol misuse to bullying as a coping strategy. Avoid using drugs or alcohol to cope with the bullying. It might make you forget or feel happier in the very short term (for the night), but the next day the bullying often seems a much bigger problem.

    Know that It Gets Better
    Bullying is a massive issue. Many people get bullied. Remember that the situation you’re in now won’t last forever. There will be a time that the bullying will stop.

    Avoid Becoming The Bully
    There’s some research that shows that some people who have been bullied, later become bullies. Don’t let it happen, you’re better than that! Remember how it felt to be bullied. If you’re in a position to safely stand up to a bully that’s bullying someone else – do.

    If you’re affected by bullying please check out our resources page for further help and support.