Category: Resources

  • Top 11 Coming Out YouTube Videos

    Top 11 Coming Out YouTube Videos

    Taking to YouTube is now one of the best ways for stars to talk directly to their fans, especially about painful or personal experience. Their stories are told in their own voice and there’s no distortion of the truth.

    These awesome people made the decision to come out on their own terms and we applaud them.

    Matt And Blue, Actor and Musician

    226,415

    Despite coming out through a Twitter post back in 2013, Matt Dallas and his partner Blue Hamilton decided to make a coming out video to talk about the how’s, the why’s and the everything’s… Super cute and really fun.

    George Shelley, Union J Singer

    525,096 views

    Union J singer George Shelley, posted a video telling his fans he had something he wanted to talk about. In his video he says that he’s attracted to men and women and that labels like gay or bi were “old fashioned”.

    Billy Gillman, Singer

    928,777 views

    Just days after fellow country singer Ty Herndon came out, Billy Gillman made this emotional YouTube video. In the five and a half minute video the vocalist talked about life with his partner and his difficultly with major record labels wanting to re-sign him, despite selling 5 million records.

    Lucas Cruickshank, YouTuber

    4,914,186 views

    In possibly the most fun coming out video Lucas literally burst out of the closet and into the open after one fan asked the simple question “are you gay”.

    Troye Sivan, X Men Actor turned singer

    6,436,896 views

    X Men actor Troye came out on YouTube at the age of 18 in 2013. In his emotional video he said,

    “I’m terrified. I know that some people are going to have a problem with this. This could kind of change everything for me, but it shouldn’t have to. And that’s why I’m making this video, and that’s why I think it’s important for people to make these kinds of videos.”

     

    Shane Dawson, YouTuber

    7,264,707 views

    In 2015 Shane Dawson came out as bisexual in a video that has now been seen over 7 million times. He said, emotionally,

    “This is a really hard video to make. I’m really scared… I never thought I would be making this, ever. I woke up this morning and I just had to.

    “I’m making this video because I feel like it could help a lot of people. Over the last year, I’ve been extremely sexually confused.

    “I always wished that I was gay, that I was just 100 percent gay. It would be a lot easier to be accepted by people… but I’m not.

    Joey Graceffa, YouTuber

    6,734,448 views

    Gorgeous Joey came out on YouTube as gay in 2015. He went on to release a music video which featured a pretty hot, non heteronormative story line of princes falling in love with each other.

    Connor Franta, YouTuber,

    10, 355,416 views

    Connor Franta’s coming out video made mainstream news. In a video simply named “Coming Out” the YouTuber told his 3.6 subscribers that he was gay, saying,

    “I’m sitting here with no script, no plan, no fancy editing, and I’m just gonna be really honest,”

     

    Tom Daley, Diver,

    11,761, 500 views

    The Olympic champion diver took to YouTube at the end of 2013 to say that he was in a relationship with a man. He described the posting of the video as a “hard decision to make” but ultimately he wanted his fans to hear it directly from him.

     

    Ingrid Nilsen, YouTuber.

    14, 1999,691

    Ingrid came out as gay in 2015 in a highly emotional video and is to date the second most viewed coming out YouTube video, which might be down to the fact that the vlogger has nearly 4 million subscribers.

    The Rhodes Bros

    21, 773,092 views

    Reaching out far ahead of any other YouTube coming out video is the

    Rhodes’ twins coming out as gay to their father on the phone. The video had huge media pick up which help ratchet the views to over 21 million.

    This article was first published in Feb 2016

  • These are some of the best tips for coming out as LGBT

    We asked readers and our writers their top tips on how to come out. Remember, that everybody’s experience is different and not all these tips will work in your particular circumstances, but we liked the following top tips.

    1) Only come out if it is what you want to do.

    If you feel pressured into coming out, remember that it has to be your decision. It is a big decision to make in your life and the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with what you are doing.

    2) Treat it like a bandaid and just tear it off.

    Quick and almost painless. Just tell them, quickly, confidently and get it over with.

    3) Don’t approach the situation like you’re about to announce you’re terminally ill.

    Body language and the tone of your voice will play a massive role in how people react to what you’re saying.

    4) Do it the way you most feel comfortable!

    I told my Dad by letter, but my friends mainly face to face…it just got easier the more I did it.

    5) Speaking to a helpline, like Switchboard – first.

    If you’re not sure what to say. Talking with a counsellor or helpline can help you find the words you need to describe what you’re feeling.

    6) Talk about someone else’s coming out.

    If you’re not sure how to bring it up, casually talk about a celebrity’s recent coming out like Tom Daley or Charlie King and gauge the reaction before going any further.

    7) If you don’t get the reaction you expect, don’t be put off.

    You will get some negative reactions, but that is their problem not yours. The amount of positive reactions will far outweigh the negative ones.

    8) It’s not an all or nothing deal.

    You don’t HAVE to tell everyone all at once. Start off with one person and let it grow organically from there.

    9) Don’t apologise.

    10) There is no right or wrong way to come out.

    It should be a tailor-made experience, as individual as you are.

    11) Don’t come out

    If you think that doing so is going to put your life in danger or make your living situation a living nightmare. Living with homophobic or transphobic parents or guardians could put the roof over your head into jeopardy by coming out. It’s so unfortunate, but for many it’s an outcome that sees them living on the streets. Work towards living independently, where it can be “your house, your rules”. In the meantime, find your tribe – your people, the people you feel most comfortable with -at school, at work, online. Share stories, be yourself with them and try to carve out an authentic life, until you’re able to be free.

     

    This article was first published in 2014 and has been updated. We’ll continue to update it with more tips and advice as we get it.

  • COMING OUT: Top 10 Coming Out Songs

    COMING OUT: Top 10 Coming Out Songs

    In the olden days (I’m talking about G-A-Y at the Astoria), when I used to go out as an excitable newbie gay and was able to wear stomach revealing tees, Pop music was my haven.

    Pop music of the late 90s and early 2000s seemed to know my man loving ways and was only to happy to deliver thumping after thumping hit for me to perform my little camp heart out on the sticky floors of that old, fondly missed haunt.

    1) Geri Halliwell, the official gift to gay men delivered ‘Lift Me Up’ / ‘Look At Me’ / ‘Bag It Up’. No list of coming out songs is complete without one Ginger song and she’s given us at least 3. Geri’s debut solo album Schizo-Phonic offered up a plethora of camptastic tunes. I still put on ‘Bag It Up’ from time to time and it still makes me jig. Yes, I said ‘jig’ and I’m owning it.

    2) ‘Get This Party Started’, When Pink slammed onto the scene with this song it almost became a homo chant. “I’m coming out, so you better get this party started’. Its place in the annals of gay culture was cemented when the Dame of Bassey made her almost definitive version of the classic for that M&S advert.

    3) ‘One Day In Your Life’, at the height of Anastacia’s greatness the ab’d goddess with the huge voice was churning out stompers like nobody’s business. ‘One Day In Your Life’ has such a seriously strong chorus that it has become one of my all-time club classics.

    4) ‘I Am What I Am’, The Dame of Bassey (Shirley Bassey). Ok, this isn’t one that featured much in the clubs – but sexuality affirmed men (and some who are yet to discover their true selves) with feather boas across the nation kick out their legs in unison whenever this track is played. It is against the law not to do some kind of jazz hand whilst this is playing – fact.

    5) ‘Can’t Take That Away’, just before the true madness of Mariah Carey was unleashed upon the world, the stratospheric octaved diva delivered probably her most camp, dramatic and butterfly filled song ever – with a ‘love and respect’ yourself theme, what self-respecting gay can’t listen to this with a tear in his eye and a knowing in his heart?

    6) Britney was on fire (and had a full head of hair) at the beginning of the noughties and ‘Stronger’ was a killer track. Pre ‘Madonna kiss’ post ‘I’m a naughty school girl’ – Brit knew the way forward was her gays.

    7) ‘It’s Raining Men’ is a track, which just needs to feature on this list. It’s a floor filler. Geri’s is okay, but you can’t beat the original Weather Girls’ version, it only counts if you clap in the right place – those who miss the double clap HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME.

    8) Remember Holly Valance, that Neighbours’ star turned pop princess? Vaguely? Well, she burst onto the scene with a seriously sexy number ‘Kiss Kiss’, which I remember making an impact – in my bedroom, but that’s not for here!

    9) ‘Beautiful’, by XTina featured a rather hot gay couple in the video – which gets my vote and the song, has a gooey, lovey vibe, which makes me feel my most beautiful.

    10) ‘I’m Coming Out’, Diana Ross sang this song either with full knowledge of the gay anthem she was about to create or in complete naivety. It features one of the longest introductions in the world, but lyrically this song has to come in at number 1. It says what it does on the tin (if it had a tin).

    What are your TOP coming out songs?

    *This article was first published September 2012

  • 14 tips on how to beat the bullies

    14 tips on how to beat the bullies

    Bullying takes many forms: Name-calling, making negative comments on your work, making someone feel worthless, physical abuse are just some examples.

    So we’ve put some tips together to help anyone out there who might be being bullied. It doesn’t matter if you’re being bullied at school, college, university, work or home.

    Remember if you are being bullied remember it’s not your fault.

    Write Everything Down

    Free-Photos / Pixabay

    Keep a log of every incident; write down the date, time, location, what happened, what they said and any witnesses that were around.

    Tell Someone
    Tell someone in authority and ask them what they intend to do about it. Tell them any fears you have about reprisals from the bully.

    Someone you trust, like a family member or a friend can also be useful. It means that you’re not dealing with the problem on your own; a problem shared is a problem halved.

    Get Support

    Wokandapix / Pixabay

    Don’t try to deal with it and your feelings about it all on your own. Get some support. Consider counselling for some additional support around your feelings.

    Know Your Rights
    All educational settings have anti-bullying policies. Some employers have these as well. Even if your employer doesn’t they will have Equality & Diversity Policies as well as other relevant policies. Read them.

    There will also be procedures for investigating and dealing with bullying – so have a look at these as well.

    Know your rights. Nobody has a right to bully another. Make authority figures aware that you know you’re rights.

    Don’t Let It Get To You

    Try to not let the things the bully says or does get to you. Bullies bully for a variety of reasons, but it’s always about their issues, not yours.

    Try Not To Show A Reaction or Try Smiling

    Pexels / Pixabay

    Don’t let the bully see that they are getting to you. To do this, try to give them no reaction or smile. You know that phrase: Smile – it confuses people.

    Walk With Confidence
    Use your body language to make you look larger. Stand with your legs apart, your back straight and your chest pushed out slightly. Have your arms slightly away from your body and loose by your sides. Head up as you walk looking straight ahead. This does take a bit of practice but try practising in front of a full-length mirror. Believe it or not, this is how most bullies walk.

    When we see someone walk like this, especially a bully, we do the opposite with our body language. We make ourselves as small as possible including hunching our back, pulling our arms in close and looking down at the ground. Try to remember to keep this confident body language, even when you see the bully.

    The only time to avoid using body language to make you look larger is in the event of a physical assault. In that case, have your side to the perpetrator, as this will give them less of a target. In the event of a physical assault, get yourself out of the situation as soon as you can and to a place of safety.

    Remember nobody has the right to be violent towards you; likewise, you don’t have the right to be violent towards anyone else. All physical assaults should be reported to the Police.

    If It’s CyberBullying

    LoboStudioHamburg / Pixabay

    If the bully is sending you messages, texts, images and videos, keep them all. Don’t respond to any messages and make good use of privacy settings. Block/Ignore the bully and report them to the social media provider. If the messages get particularly abusive report them to the Police (this is why you need to keep all the messages as evidence).

    Take Sensible Steps To Keep Yourself Safe
    Keep yourself safe by carrying a mobile phone, personal attack alarm and being aware of your surroundings. Never walk home on your own and always try to stay with someone when travelling around the setting where you come into contact with the bully.

    Involve The Police
    Any violence or physical assault should be reported to the Police.

    If the bullying is homophobic or racist in nature you can report it to the Police as a hate crime. Hate crime also covers bullying that is related to disability religion, ethnicity or transgender identify. Find out more about hate crimes on the True Vision website.

    Come up with Good Coping Strategies
    We all have different coping strategies. Some good ones are: taking up sports or martial arts (these are particularly empowering and you learn to defend yourself as well), talking to people, expressing how you feel creatively (e.g. writing, music, drawing, making movies, etc.). All of these activities also raise your confidence and self-esteem – something that bullies try to damage or destroy.

    Avoid Drugs & Alcohol as a Coping Strategy

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    There is research that links drugs and alcohol misuse to bullying as a coping strategy. Avoid using drugs or alcohol to cope with the bullying. It might make you forget or feel happier in the very short term (for the night), but the next day the bullying often seems a much bigger problem.

    Know that It Gets Better
    Bullying is a massive issue. Many people get bullied. Remember that the situation you’re in now won’t last forever. There will be a time that the bullying will stop.

    Avoid Becoming The Bully
    There’s some research that shows that some people who have been bullied, later become bullies. Don’t let it happen, you’re better than that! Remember how it felt to be bullied. If you’re in a position to safely stand up to a bully that’s bullying someone else – do.

    If you’re affected by bullying please check out our resources page for further help and support.

  • 14 ways you can deal with the bullies in your life

    Bullying takes many forms: Name-calling, making negative comments on your work, making someone feel worthless, physical abuse are just some examples.

    We’ve put some tips together to help anyone out there who is facing a bully. It doesn’t matter if you’re being bullied at school, college, university, work or home.

    Remember if you are being bullied remember it’s not your fault.

    Write Everything Down
    Keep a log of every incident; write down the date, time, location, what happened, what they said and any witnesses that were around.

    Tell Someone
    Tell someone in authority and ask them what they intend to do about it. Tell them any fears you have about reprisals from the bully.

    Someone you trust, like a family member or a friend, can also be useful. It means that you’re not dealing with the problem on your own; a problem shared is a problem halved.

    Get Support
    Don’t try to deal with it and your feelings about it all on your own. Get some support. Consider counselling for some additional help around your feelings.

    Know Your Rights
    All educational settings have anti-bullying policies. Some employers have these as well. Even if your employer doesn’t, they will have Equality & Diversity Policies as well as other relevant policies. Read them.

    There will also be procedures for investigating and dealing with bullying – so have a look at these as well.

    Know your rights. Nobody has a right to bully another. Make authority figures aware that you know your rights.

    Don’t Let It Get To You
    Try not to let the things the bully says or might do get to you; easier said than done, I know. Bullies bully for a variety of reasons, but it’s always about their issues, not yours.

    Try Not To Show A Reaction or Smile
    Don’t let the bully see that they are getting to you. To do this, try to give them no reaction or smile. You know that phrase: Smile – it confuses people.

    Walk With Confidence
    Use your body language to make you look larger. Stand with your legs apart, your back straight, and your chest pushed out slightly. Have your arms slightly away from your body and loose by your sides. Head up as you walk looking straight ahead. This does take a bit of practice but try practising in front of a full-length mirror. Believe it or not, this is how most bullies walk.

    When we see someone walk like this, especially a bully, we do the opposite with our body language. We make ourselves as small as possible including hunching our back, pulling our arms in close and looking down at the ground. Try to remember to keep this confident body language, even when you see the bully.

    The only time to avoid using body language to make you look larger is in the event of a physical assault. In that case, have your side to the perpetrator, as this will give them less of a target. In the event of a physical attack, get yourself out of the situation as soon as you can and to a place of safety.

    Remember nobody has the right to be violent towards you; likewise, you don’t have the right to be violent towards anyone else. All physical assaults should be reported to the Police.

    If It’s CyberBullying
    If the bully is sending you messages, texts, images and videos, keep them all. Don’t respond to any messages and make good use of privacy settings. Block/Ignore the bully and report them to the social media provider. If the messages get particularly abusive report them to the Police (this is why you need to keep all the messages as evidence).

    Take Sensible Steps To Keep Yourself Safe
    Keep yourself safe by carrying a mobile phone, personal attack alarm and being aware of your surroundings. Never walk home on your own and always try to stay with someone when travelling around the setting where you come into contact with the bully.

    Involve The Police
    Any violence or physical assault should be reported to the Police.

    If the bullying is homophobic or racist, you can and should report it to the police as a hate crime. Hate crime also covers bullying that is related to disability religion, ethnicity or gender identity. Find out more about hate crimes on the True Vision website.

    Come up with Good Coping Strategies
    We all have different coping strategies. Some good ones are: taking up sports or martial arts (these are particularly empowering, and you learn to defend yourself as well), talking to people, expressing how you feel creatively (e.g. writing, music, drawing, making movies, etc.). All of these activities also raise your confidence and self-esteem – something that bullies try to damage or destroy.

    Avoid Drugs & Alcohol as a Coping Strategy
    There is research that links drugs and alcohol misuse to bullying as a coping strategy. Avoid using drugs or alcohol to cope with the bullying. It might make you forget or feel happier in the very short term (for the night), but the next day the bullying often seems a much bigger problem.

    Know that It Gets Better
    Bullying is a massive issue. Many people get bullied. Remember that the situation you’re in now won’t last forever. There will be a time that the bullying will stop.

    Avoid Becoming The Bully
    There’s some research that shows that some people who have been bullied, later become bullies. Don’t let it happen; you’re better than that! Remember how it felt to be bullied. If you’re in a position to safely stand up to a bully that’s bullying someone else – do.

    If you’re affected by bullying, please check out our resources page for further help and support.

  • 12 Amazing coming out YouTube videos

    To celebrate National Coming Out Day 2017, we’re enjoying the best coming out videos on YouTube.

    Taking to YouTube is now one of the best ways for stars to talk directly to their fans, especially about painful or personal experiences. Their stories are told in their own voice and there’s no distortion of the truth. Here are the Top 12 coming out videos on Youtube

    These brave men and women made the decision to come out on their own terms and we applaud them.

    Matt And Blue, Actor and Musician

    434,286 views


    Despite coming out through a Twitter post back in 2013, Matt Dallas and his partner Blue Hamilton decided to make a coming out video to talk about the how’s, the why’s and the everything’s… Super cute and really fun.

     

    George Shelley, Union J Singer

    525,096 views

    Before it was removed, Union J singer George Shelley, posted a video telling his fans he had something he wanted to talk about. In his video he says that he’s attracted to men and women and that labels like gay or bi were “old fashioned”.

     

    Billy Gillman, Singer

    1,077,637 views


    Just days after fellow country singer Ty Herndon came out, Billy Gillman made this emotional YouTube video. In the five and a half minute video the vocalist talked about life with his partner and his difficultly with major record labels wanting to re-sign him, despite selling 5 million records.

    Daniel Newman, Actor

    2,330,031 views

    When an actor comes out, it’s big news, when the show that he on is one of the biggest shows on the planet, it’s MASSIVE news. Daniel Newman came out this year, in a video he titled, #OutAndProud.

     

    Lucas Cruickshank, YouTuber

    5,274,279 views


    In possibly the most fun coming out video Lucas literally burst out of the closet and into the open after one fan asked the simple question “are you gay”.

     

    Troye Sivan, X Men Actor turned singer

    7,629,630 views


    X Men actor Troye came out on YouTube at the age of 18 in 2013. In his emotional video he said,

    “I’m terrified. I know that some people are going to have a problem with this. This could kind of change everything for me, but it shouldn’t have to. And that’s why I’m making this video, and that’s why I think it’s important for people to make these kinds of videos.”

    Shane Dawson, YouTuber

    9,034,704 views


    In 2015 Shane Dawson came out as bisexual in a video that has now been seen over 7 million times. He said, emotionally,

    “This is a really hard video to make. I’m really scared… I never thought I would be making this, ever. I woke up this morning and I just had to.

    “I’m making this video because I feel like it could help a lot of people. Over the last year, I’ve been extremely sexually confused.

    “I always wished that I was gay, that I was just 100 percent gay. It would be a lot easier to be accepted by people… but I’m not.

     

    Joey Graceffa, YouTuber

    7,910,702 views


    Gorgeous Joey came out on YouTube as gay in 2015. He went on to release a music video which featured a pretty hot, non heteronormative story line of princes falling in love with each other.

     

    Connor Franta, YouTuber,

    11,776,973 views


    Connor Franta’s coming out video made mainstream news. In a video simply named “Coming Out” the YouTuber told his 3.6 subscribers that he was gay, saying,

    “I’m sitting here with no script, no plan, no fancy editing, and I’m just gonna be really honest,”

    Tom Daley, Diver,

    12,263,378 views


    The Olympic champion diver took to YouTube at the end of 2013 to say that he was in a relationship with a man. He described the posting of the video as a “hard decision to make” but ultimately he wanted his fans to hear it directly from him.

    Ingrid Nilsen, YouTuber.

    16,886,975 views


    Ingrid came out as gay in 2015 in a highly emotional video and is to date the second most viewed coming out YouTube video, which might be down to the fact that the vlogger has nearly 4 million subscribers.

     

    The Rhodes Bros

    25,014,703 views


    Reaching out far ahead of any other YouTube coming out video is the Rhodes’ twins coming out as gay to their father on the phone. The video had huge media pick up which help ratchet the views to over 21 million.

  • Six Ways to Stamp Out Homophobia in the Workplace

    Looking at the stats, it’s clear that homophobia in the workplace is still a problem – and one that many of us will have encountered.

    One in five LGBT+ people have experienced bullying from colleagues or customers in the past five years, one in five wouldn’t feel confident reporting homophobic bullying in the workplace, and in the UK, 2.4 million people of working age said that they had witnessed verbal homophobic bullying at work. Adding to that,  a massive 26 percent of LGBT+ people are not open to their colleagues about their sexual orientation – so in this age where we have rights that are verging on equal, something’s clearly amiss. In fact, The Human Rights Campaign – a US lobby group, found that a huge 62 percent of millennial LGBT+ graduates went back into the closet when starting their first job – something I was guilty of, and something that can get the careers of LGBT+ people off to an uncomfortable and unpleasant start.

    That in mind, we’ve put together a list of 6 Ways to tackle homophobia in the workplace. Given that most of us are spending 40+ plus hours a week there, it’s more important than ever that the workplace is somewhere LGBT+ people can feel free to be themselves and to contribute openly and equally to the working world.

    1. Know Your Rights

    Homophobic discrimination and harassment is illegal – and has been since 2003. There’s no doubt that a lot of people don’t see their comments as discriminatory or harassing, but if you encounter homophobic abuse, tell someone – speak to your manager or, if they’re the problem, speak to the HR team or someone you trust higher up in the company. Awareness is important – and if they know it’s a problem then chances are training can be put in place to make sure that this doesn’t happen again, either to you or your future colleagues. If you’ve left a job due to discrimination or harassment, then speak to your local Citizen’s Advice – they can offer advice on what to do next, and whilst legal action may be the last thing on your mind, they can advise if they think it something worth pursuing.

    2. Be Open

    By being open I don’t mean arriving for your first day at work riding a rainbow unicycle and singing “I Am What I Am”, but more being yourself in the workplace and taking part in conversations with your colleagues in a way that you’re relaxed with. There’s always going to be questions about your home life when you’re new to a job – and it’s only going to be easier for you if you’re open from the off. That fear of coming out is often far worse than the result – and given that it’s likely you’ll already have done it once, expressing that to your colleagues in a manner of fact way should hopefully be a walk in the park

    3. Deal with Banter

    A macho work culture can be fun at times – but it can also be damaging for those who don’t fit into that stereotype. Much like at school, offensive phrases are often flung around with little malicious intent behind them, but they’re still symbolic of a culture that needs to change. Be straight with people – if you don’t like a comment or phrase, have a direct word with them. Most people will respect that, and if they don’t, your manager or HR partner should be able to advise further, and potentially play a role in re-educating your colleague. Cultures like this can only be changed by raising awareness – so it’s important to say something if you’re not altogether happy.

    4. Explaining the benefits

    Being comfortable and secure in the workplace isn’t just something that will make you feel better – it’s been proven that being able to be yourself in the workplace can hugely increase productivity. It could be worth mentioning this if you feel like you’re feeling homophobia in the workplace, as companies will want the best possible work from their employees, and stamping out homophobia will go a long way to ensure that. Adding to that, companies with diverse workforces can attract a wider range of customers, as well as improving ideas and drive by being full of contrasting and complementary backgrounds, experiences and situations. Making the workplace more colourful can only be a good thing – bosses should be selling and celebrating the diversity of their employees.

    5. Don’t be Alone

    The community can be a big part of gay life – and the workplace is no different. It can all depend on the size of your company, but there’s a strong chance that someone else there will be LGBT+. Like straight media often assumes, being gay doesn’t mean that you’re immediately going to be best friends or lovers, but having shared experiences in the workplace can help. If there’s enough of you, you can look at starting up an LGBT+ network. I’ve attempted to do this in the past and found that there’s a lot of help available out there – including many straight allies who were immensely encouraging. Even if your LGBT+ network just goes for a monthly drink in the pub together, it can be a huge source of support for those inside the group, as well as providing vital visibility for those on the outside.

    6. Change the Culture

    Sounds like a big ask – but encouraging training and education in the workplace can make a huge difference. Corporate Social Responsibility is becoming a huge thing for many companies – and ensuring that LGBT+ visibility and training is part of this channel is vital. Speak to HR and see if there is a “CSR” manager or advocate in the company who you can chat to about training – these things not only benefit companies hugely but also, it’s worth pointing out, can serve as excellent PR. If there’s no CSR person or no training plan available, why not write some yourself? The stats are easily found out there, and organisations like Stonewall (linked at the top) provide fascinating and relevant information on LGBT+ people in the workplace. It’s something I’ve done it in the past – and it was an eye-opener not just for my colleagues, but for me as well – so it’s worth putting the time and effort in – not only can it help stamp out homophobia, but showing a sense or proactivity can in the workplace can only ever be a positive thing.

    The most important thing to remember is that if you’re experiencing homophobia in the workplace you’re not alone and that you have every right to feel happy and secure in every area of your life. If you feel like change isn’t happening, then don’t stay in a job that makes you unhappy – but make sure your bosses know exactly why you’re going. Visibility is vital – these problems only make themselves known when we’re open and honest about them, and use them to drive change forwards in order to make the workplace open, accessible and safe for all.

  • Is there a difference between Civil Partnerships and marriage?

    Is there a difference between being a civil partner and a married person? Andrew Smith, Associate Solicitor for Blacks Solicitors’ Family Law team, specialises in LGBT legal work and is a huge supporter of the community answers the questions.

    Is there difference between Civil Partnerships and marriage?

    What are the legal differences between a civil partnership and a marriage?

    “There are very few ‘legal’ differences between a civil partnership and a same sex marriage. Civil partners cannot refer to themselves as ‘married’ and it is a different ceremony. On a certificate of civil partnership, both parents are named rather than just the father on a marriage certificate; but there is legally little difference between the two.”

    “The main differences are similar to those between a religious marriage and a civil ceremony undertaken by heterosexual couples; in regard to the formation, the ceremony, the administrative process and the certificates.

    “Somewhat controversially, one of the main differences is that civil partners are unable to cite the specific act of Adultery as the main reason for why the civil partnership has broken down. This is because the definition of adultery is sexual intercourse with someone of the opposite sex outside marriage. Instead, civil partners have to use ‘unfaithfulness’ as one of a number of examples of Unreasonable Behaviour.”

    What about divorce? Can civil partnered couples get divorced?

    What about divorce? Can civil partnered couples get divorced?

    “A married couple will have a ‘divorce’ whilst civil partners will have a ‘dissolution’ if they choose to separate. Therefore the answer is technically yes as although the terminology is different, it does mean the same thing in principle.”

    What about pension rights, are they the same between marriage and civil partnerships?

    “Up until very recently this had been a grey area for those who retired prior to when the act was introduced.

    “The Walker v Innospec [2017] case which recently made the headlines challenged this and saw the Supreme Court unanimously allow Mr Walker’s appeal for his employer to pay his pension to his spouse in the event of his death, despite his service predating December 2005.

    “This fantastic result will pave the way for all same sex couples in a similar situation, who are either married or in a civil partnership, to be able to leave their pension to their spouse.”

    If you have a LGBT legal query you would like to discuss with Andrew, please email him on AJSmith@LawBlacks.com or visit the website for more information: www.lawblacks.com

  • Ten stress busting life hacks

    Top 10 stress busting ideas to get you feeling on top of the world and ready to take on any situation.

    1) Breathing.

    via GIPHY

    It sounds silly as we do it automatically every few seconds of every day. I guess because if we didn’t then we wouldn’t have any stresses at all to worry about! Though I still often hear the phrase, “don’t forget to breathe” and why because when we panic we take short little breaths which can make us feel tight and agitated. So when you find yourself in a stressful situation do two things for me. One – Close your eyes. Two – Take in a deep breath to at least the count of six or seven, then control your out breath to a count of ten or eleven. Then repeat. IF YOU START TO FEEL DIZZY STOP! The closed eyes will allow you to focus on your breath and your breathing will help slow and calm the body allowing you to regroup to tackle any problems.

    2) Go for a walk.

    via GIPHY

    If you’re in the office then leave your desk and take a walk around the office, be it to the coffee machine or to the toilets. If you’re on a lunch break then try to leave the building. Fresh air and a different surrounding will really help to take away any work related stresses. Even if you have a deadline approaching a quick five mins walk can help save more time in the long run when you come back refreshed.

    3) Eating.

    via GIPHY

    What are you eating and when? Try not to skip meals like breakfast or lunch. Starving the body means it will fight for you attention and when you have a boss fighting for your attention also you don’t need the extra stress of a flagging body! When you do eat try to have something balanced. A good bowl of fruit and cereal for breakfast then a pasta lunch will do you wonders. Don’t replace meals with fizzy drinks or chocolate snacks as they’ll give you a five minute rush then you’ll feel more tired than you started.

    4) Ditch the phone.

    Having yourself available for contact 24hrs a day is not good for your health. You need ‘you time’. Switch off the phone for an hour in the evenings and treat yourself to spending some time with yourself or a loved one. When a phone is switched off you don’t have to worry about life outside of you. If it’s important they can leave a message. I also urge to ditch the phone whilst sleeping. Turn it off and leave in another room, or if it’s your alarm clock then put it as far away from you in the room. Give the brain some time to relax from the positive energies of the phone that still engulf a room when not in use.

    5) Drink.

    Most of us like a good drink now and then. If anything we all think we may drink a bit too much. I know I do, yet I try to convince myself it’s to help me unwind, to help me relax. True, in moderation! If you’re drinking a bottle of wine a night then it’s likely you won’t be getting a good nights sleep and feel groggy in the morning. Tonight why not ditch the bottle and have a peppermint tea instead? It has no caffeine so won’t keep you awake!

    6) Sex.

    Yes, it can be a great relaxant. A good steamy session or even some quality alone time can help muscles to relax and relieve some tension from the body. However please be careful as sex can also cause a lot of stress to your life if you’re having it unprotected and with people you don’t know. A trip to the GUM clinic is not going to help you achieve a more relaxed you!

    7) Chocolate.

    via GIPHY

    Yes I know I said chocolate and fizzy drinks are bad, but only if they are replacements for your main meals. A little nibble of chocolate (though for me if it’s open, it’s gone!) can give you a little life buzz. It’s these little buzzes that help us to enjoy life.

    8) Smiling.

    via GIPHY

    It’s true! If you smile you instantly feel better. Go on try it now and prove me wrong. Think of anything that makes you smile. For me there’s a whole bank of ‘smile moments’ in my life, mostly at the expense of family members, sometimes at myself, such as the time I walked into a glass door whilst trying to enter a bar in NY. I may have had a bit to drink and missed the sign that said push but nose first I left an imprint like an owl does when it’s hit a window at night. My eyes were certainly as wide!

    9) Massage.

    via GIPHY

    Having someone else rub oils all over your body and rub all the built up tension dirt from inside your muscles away is fantastic. I love it. Then again I just like being touched and It can sometimes be a great lead up to tension busting tip number 6. However not everyone is as free with their bodies, so if you hate the idea of someone else’s sweaty palms prodding you all over then try this. Take a tennis ball and place it on the back of a chair and roll your back over it. This also works for rolling your feet over it to relieve any foot stresses.

    10) Hot Bath & Candles.

    via GIPHY

    Sounds like a cliché but really can do the trick. I love a hot bath filled with fiery spices, light a couple of tee lights and turn the lights off. No phone nearby, no glass of wine, no partner wanting to get frisky, just you, the bath, and your deep thoughts. Breath in for six and out for ten, let your mind be free to wander. Breathing. In and out. Stresses of work, relationships, family will try to take over your clearing head as you breath in and out. In and out. The best advice I was ever given was when a thought enters you head don’t worry about it appearing, just let it drift away as it drifted in. Breath in and out. Let you thoughts evaporate into the steam of the bath. In and out. You have no worries. You have no stresses. You are enjoying the simplicity of life. Enjoy…

  • 10 signs of depression you should look out for

    Depression and mental health have been hot topic subjects of late and sometimes spotting the signs can be difficult.

    We spoke to psychotherapist Andrew Smith clinical director of TherAppUK Ltd who gave us 10 pointers to look out for.

    1. Social Withdrawal.

    This is when someone may become more withdrawn from social activities, and not be as interested in going out and socialising. However, more importantly, they may not be doing anything else as an alternative. Give them an invite to something and mean it. As a therapist, we often use the boundary of a session to gently challenge clients who would wish to withdraw.

    2. Being Less communicative.

    Has the talking stopped? Keep the conversation going. It can really help if the person opposite really feels like you care about what they are saying.

    Most people who are struggling with difficult feelings and experiences often lose an ability to engage in dialogue with their loved ones. This happens over time and is a gradual response to depressive feelings. Keep talking, even if it feels like drivel, and really listen to what people are saying. It is very difficult to push away someone who is genuinely interested in you.

    3. Isolation.

    This is the effect, not always the cause. Pop around to see them, offer to help out, and persevere. Often, the message that someone is not going away, no matter how hard they are going to be pushed, is so important. Therapy is a further way of helping this, in a far less pressured way.

    4. Health.

    As we descend into the spiral of depression and anxiety, we often lose sight of how taking care of ourselves (better things to worry about), and gradually this can lead to poorer choices in food, sexual health, financial matters, and exercise. Ironically, good choices in all of these can help immensely in our recovery. So ‘encourage’ someone to take up a new activity with you (yoga can be amazing), try a meditation class, and cook some healthy food together.

    NEXT PAGE 2/2

  • COMMENT | My Coming Out Reactions

    COMMENT | My Coming Out Reactions

    I’m out to everybody. These days I rarely need to come out and say that I’m gay, but it wasn’t always like that. Over the years I’ve come out to family, friends, work colleagues and even my GP. There have been mixed reactions from people when I’ve told them that I’m gay, but most have been positive. In this article, I’ll share some of the most memorable with you.

    keeping company, social gathering,
    CREDIT: bigstock / Rawpixel.com

    Family
    Coming out to my mum was one of the best things I ever did. I knew she would be supportive, as one of her best friend’s is gay. She acted as a proxy, telling other members of the family and family friends that I was gay so I didn’t have to. Some years later she did tell me that she was worried that I would have a more difficult life as a gay man as ‘people can be so cruel.’

    The funniest reaction from a family member was when my mum told my Granddad. He told her that I ‘just haven’t met the right girl yet.’ This wasn’t homophobic, just a lack of understanding and naivety of the gay world. This naivety is wonderful and one of the many reasons I love him immensely. He used to work on the tills at what has been dubbed The Gay Sainsbury’s in Manchester. He never realised (and still hasn’t!) that all the gay couples are actually together.

    When I came out to my older Brother, a sporty lads lad, he said: ‘You’re still my brother. And I still love you.’ This acceptance from him meant the world to me and it still does.

    Friends
    My friends and I don’t really remember me coming out. That means that it wasn’t really a big deal. It was said, accepted and then we moved on. But there’s always that one friend isn’t there? When I came out to him, he said: ‘Me too.’ We’re still friends today and our same sexuality helped to build the bonds of a lifelong friendship.

    Work Colleagues
    I’ve had many work colleagues over the years, all in different settings and the vast majority coming out has been done by answering the questions: ‘So how was your weekend? What did you get up to?’

    However I did have one Born Again Christian work colleague who said: “I accept that this is how you feel, but it’s not part of god’s plan. It says so in the bible.” This was a face palm moment and I rarely spoke to him after that.

    At one workplace a closeted lesbian work colleague saw the overwhelmingly positive reaction to me as an out gay man and this gave her the courage to talk about her life and her partner openly. Prior to me arriving she had avoided conversations about anything personal, but after seeing how our work colleagues reacted to my talk of gay pride and my relationships she became more open at work and seemed happier for it.

    GP
    I had gone to see my family GP, an older Asian man, about something and decided to disclose my sexuality to him. I think I was at the stage in coming out where you want to tell the world that you’re gay. He said: ‘it’s unnatural.’ And then resumed talking about what I had gone to see him about. This hurt. Said by a supposed non-judgemental professional. Whenever I hear someone say ‘unnatural’ it takes me right back to that consultation room and makes me feel really uncomfortable.

    My coming out reactions have been in the vast majority positive. I have been accepted for who I am. But that’s not always the case. Gay people coming out face the fear of rejection, actual rejection and in some cases abuse or violence. If someone can’t accept you for who you are and recognise that your sexuality is an important part of who you are, you have to ask yourself a serious question: do you really want this person to be a part of your life? I know what my answer would be.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.