THEGAYUK

Tag: Family

All the latest breaking news on family. Browse The THEGAYUK’s complete collection of features and commentary on family and the LGBT+ community.

  • Gay Marriage: Our Tomorrow

    More than 100 LGBTQ organisations have launched a social media campaign called “Our Tomorrow” in advance of the Supreme Court ruling on marriage in June.

     

    The campaign encourages LGBTQ individuals and allies to “share their hopes, fears and ideas in their own words.”

    Masen Davis, Our Tomorrow’s outreach director announced:

    “Our Tomorrow is dedicated to engaging the full diversity of the LGBTQ community — from all parts of the country and all walks of life — in helping to shape our future.”

    Yesterday the group released a launch video containing seven inspirational stories.

  • Team Elton: Why D&G Should Take Responsibility for Their “Personal Views”

    They say that fashion has a tendency to cycle and repeat itself. Fashion virtuosos Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana seem to follow this fashion rule of thumb by trying to reintroduce the trend of heteronormativity back in vogue.

    Famous for their bold fashion vision, this season Dolce and Gabbana take an even bolder approach: influenced by traditional family values the Italian duo now appear to assume the roles of conservative moralists, while seemingly drawing their inspiration from ‘before the Stonewall’ and other pre-sexual revolution eras, the duo fiercely presented their slightly tailored, but certainly more edgy, new collection of anti-gay attitudes (negative remarks towards gay marriage and adoption were made by D&G in 2006 and 2013) for Italian news magazine Panorama. Here are some highlights:

    “The only family is the traditional one. No chemical offsprings and rented uterus: life has a natural flow, there are things that should not be changed.”

    “synthetic children [children conceived via egg donors or artificial insemination]”

    “The family is not a fad. In it there is a supernatural sense of belonging.”

    Even though Dolce and Gabbana later pleaded that anti-gay parenting comments made were just an opinion, this way trying to clarify IVF remarks that had incited a global outrage, the remarks, nevertheless, made by such well-known public figures inevitably pose a threat to LGBT community and their rights.

    First and foremost, Dolce’s and Gabbana’s anti-same sex parenting comments increase social stigma against LGBT families and parenting. It does so by propagating an idea that “the only family is the traditional one”, which in turn helps to reinforce conservative and old Christian beliefs that marital relations are only fitting between the people of opposite sexes and any other families that do not fit this model are incomplete, unnatural or not ‘real’ families. Needless to say, such view is very much in accord with those views of opponents of the same-sex families and, hence, is based on a widespread heterosexist assumption that a child needs both a mother and a father in order to form a ‘healthy’ identity. Although various studies conducted on child development suggest otherwise (APA; Pediatrics; CPA), it is not the goal of this piece to prove how wrong Dolce and Gabbana are, but rather to point out the potential damage their comments may cause for the LGBT community.

    With this in mind, while anti-gay parenting statements made by Dolce and Gabbana compliment the prejudice against LGBT parenting, another destructive consequence of the designers’ negative statements is that it helps to supply anti-gay politicians and activists with the ‘new’ anti-gay opinions coming from the prominent LGBT figures. Such opinions coming from LGBT insiders, hence, strengthen anti-gay activists’ ammunition to attack LGBT citizens’ rights for parenthood. For instance, a remark that “the family is not a fad” implies that those homosexuals who want to form a family want to do so because it is fashionable and that such desire is not serious and, subsequently, must be short-lived. Such generalisation then indicates that according to Dolce and Gabbana’s view homosexual parents are lacking parental competence and therefore are inferior parents in comparison to heterosexual parents.

    In addition, social media quarrel between Sir Elton John and Dolce and Gabbana points out a dichotomy between LGBT members regarding the issue of the same-sex parenting: more precisely, between those LGBT members who are in favour of the same-sex parenting and those who are not. In other words, remarks made by Dolce and Gabbana bring the disagreement existing within LGBT community regarding LGBT rights for parenthood to light. This disagreement, as a result, strengthens anti-gay politicians’ and activists’ argument that the same-sex couples are yet not fit to raise children, this way jeopardising parenting rights of those LGBT members who are capable and ready to raise children.

    Last, but certainly not least, Dolce and Gabbana’s remarks are pure discrimination of LGBT community, their children and all children conceived by IVF in general. To begin with the discrimination of LGBT community, the statements, such as: “The only family is the traditional one”; “life has a natural flow” and that “there are things that should not be changed” suggest that a family is exclusively heterosexual privilege rather than a human right.

    Therefore, by supporting traditional family values Dolce and Gabbana implicitly justify discrimination against homosexual peoples’ civil right to form a family. In turn, by justifying discrimination against LGBT people, the designers support the denial of humanity, the denial of equal dignity and worth, as well as the treatment of LGBT community as second class citizens.

    Finally, calling children “synthetic” or “chemical” because they were conceived via egg donors or artificial insemination shows that Dolce and Gabbana differentiate children and, hence, do they consider children conceived biologically as much more superior then their artificially conceived counterparts? Ultimately, it goes without saying that calling children “synthetic” or “chemical” is dehumanisation of children conceived artificially, not to mention that such remarks are simply mean and degrading.

    In the end, while responding to the uproar and trying to clarify their IVF remarks through the news and social media, Dolce and Gabbana explained that the comments made are just a personal opinion; for example, in an interview with CNN the duo said that they respect how people chose to live their lives, later adding that others should also respect differences in opinion.

    Indeed, everyone has a right to express their views and opinions. Yet, when one’s opinion is so disrespectful, degrading and has a potential to harm the other’s civil rights, such opinion is certainly not worthy of respect. In fact, it is worth of strong counter-reaction and criticism. Perhaps even a boycott…

    It is not a first time that Dolce and Gabbana make negative statements. For instance, in 2006, Gabbana told The Daily Mail that he is “opposed” to the idea of same-sex parents raising a child. Similarly, in 2013, when asked if they had ever intended to marry, Dolce told The Telegraph that he “doesn’t believe” in gay marriage.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Is Social Media Wrecking Your Relationship?

    Just under half of all Brits admit they have secretly checked their partner’s Facebook account and one in five went on to row about what they discovered, new research has revealed.

    One in seven said they had contemplated divorce because of their other halves activities on Facebook, Skype, Snapchat, Twitter or What’sApp.

    Nearly a quarter or the 2,000 married Brits asked, said they had at least one argument a week with their partner because of social media use and 17 per cent said they rowed every day because of it.

    The most common reasons for checking their partner’s social media accounts was to find out who their partner was talking to, to keep tabs on them, to check who they were out with and find out if they were telling the truth about their social life.

    While 14 per cent said they looked specifically to identify evidence of infidelity.

    The research was commissioned by family law specialists Slater and Gordon who have seen an increase in the number of people citing social media use as a cause of divorce year on year.

    Andrew Newbury, head of family law at Slater and Gordon said:

    “Social media can be a wonderful way of keeping in touch with family and friends, but it can also put added strain on a relationship.

    “Five years ago Facebook was rarely mentioned in the context of a marriage ending, but now it has become common place for clients to cite social media use, or something they discovered on social media, as a reason for divorce.

    “With more than 556 million people using Facebook each day, the way we live our lives, and our marriages, has drastically changed. We are finding that social media is the new marriage minefield.

    “Social media, specifically pictures and posts on Facebook, are now being routinely raised in the course of divorce proceedings.”

    It wasn’t just what their partner was doing on social media but also how long they spent on it that was likely to cause marital problems with Facebook usage topping the list of reasons couples argued over social media.

    Arguments were also caused because of contact with an ex-partner, sending secret messages and posting inappropriate photos.

    One in twenty even complained that their partner didn’t post any pictures of them together which made them upset.

    Fifteen per cent of Brits considered social media to be dangerous to their marriage, with Facebook considered the most dangerous, followed by WhatsApp, Twitter and Instagram.

    But one in ten admitted they hid images and posts from their partner, while eight per cent admitted to having secret social media accounts.

    A fifth of respondents said they felt uneasy about their relationship after discovering something on their partner’s Facebook. 43 per cent said they confronted their spouse immediately about this, but 40 per cent said it took them some time before they felt comfortable to raise it with their partner.

    While a third said they kept their social media log-in details a secret from their partners, 58 per cent said they knew their partner’s log-in details, even if their spouse wasn’t aware they knew them.

    Andrew Newbury, head of family law at Slater and Gordon said:

    “Social media can also make a divorce more difficult. Divorce is already a stressful time for everyone involved and what is being posted on Facebook can antagonise families and make a speedy resolution more difficult to achieve.

    “We are now actively advising our clients to be cautious when it comes to using Facebook and all forms of social media because of its potential to damage relationships.”

     

    Have you ever checked on your partner’s social media or other profiles?

    Yes
    No

    Poll Maker


    TOP FIVE TIPS FOR COUPLES USING SOCIAL MEDIA

     

    1. Don’t post in anger. Your post will be seen by all your friends, family and potentially millions of others. Even if you later delete your post, the damage will have been done.

    2. Be respectful. Don’t complain about your partner or other family members online.

    3. Be transparent. Check with your partner before you post images or information.

    4. Check your privacy settings. You might think someone can’t see a post when they actually can.

    5. Take a break and enjoy the moment. You don’t need to post everything on Facebook

  • Even Kids Are Saying Yes To Gay Marriage In Ireland

    The folks behind the “YES” Campaign in Ireland’s Referendum for Marriage Equality are doing such an amazing job.

     

    Hot on the trail of the Video we shared with you the other day comes another wee heartwarming film about what children think of it all. If this doesn’t move those voters who are still sitting on the fence on the issue, then nothing will.

     

  • Top 30 Things That Get Parents Down

    With more children being born and adopted by same-sex couples the top 30 parenting challenges have been revealed.

    Challenges faced by parents are universal from being able to afford everything for your child, a lack of sleep to getting children to eat what you put in front of them.

    Researchers from a new study have found nine in ten parents feel they face a series of challenges to bring up their children every day with having enough money at the top of the list.

    Dealing with tantrums, encouraging children to work hard at school and do their homework and even getting them up in the mornings also rank highly.

    Other hectic events mums and dads face include coping when a child is ill, giving your child what they want without spoiling them and going shopping with the kids in tow.

    A spokeswoman for RESCUE REMEDY, which commissioned the research said, ‘’Everyone faces some challenges in their day-to-day lives, but for parents, these can be more difficult than most.

    ‘’As well as looking after yourself and making sure your day goes to plan, you also have to worry about everything your children do, or perhaps don’t do.

    ‘’Everything from getting them out of bed and to school on time, right though to making sure they eat the right foods and go to sleep at a decent time and without too much drama can make the average day frantic enough.

    ‘’But throw in the challenges which are always there, like money worries or whether you are doing the right thing in the way you bring up your children can mean many parents are often strained or tense.”

    The study of 2,000 parents found having enough money to afford everything that their child asks for is the biggest challenge faced on a daily basis, followed by dealing with a lack of sleep, having patience and encouraging their children to eat their meals.

    Dealing with an ill child came fifth in the poll.

    Keeping on top of the chores, encouraging children to do their homework and work hard at school, dealing with tantrums and getting children out of bed completed the top ten. Other challenges on the list include coping with sibling rivalry, knowing how to answer all of their probing questions and toilet training.

    Childcare features heavily among the list, with finding and juggling childcare as well as trying to work around an ill child in the top 20.

    Other trials faced by parents include managing the school run, getting small children to sleep through the night and dealing with other competitive parents.

    Researchers also found 83 per cent of parents feel they experience something challenging about being a parent every single day.

    And eight in ten admit being a parent is more challenging than they thought it would be, with another 81 per cent believing it’s only going to get more difficult as their children get older.

    But while one in twenty say the newborn and baby stage was the most challenging for them as a parent, a staggering 66 per cent say it’s the teenage years which they found most trying.

    As a result of the daily trials and tribulations parents face, 87 per cent have days where they feel there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything they need done.

    And almost nine in ten have days where they feel under pressure or strained as they try to juggle everything in their lives.

    Despite 88 per cent wishing they had more time to relax a little, the average parent gets just five-and-a-half hours a week – less than an hour a day – to unwind.

    One in twenty even claims they feel they never get time to truly relax.

    A spokeswoman for RESCUE REMEDY added, “The research revealed an alarming nine out of ten parents face a series of challenges bringing up their child every day.

    “Parents have so many roles and responsibilities to juggle and need to feel that they can accomplish all of these, without the underlying feeling that these can at times be too much to handle.

    “RESCUE is trying to encourage parents to stop and take a moment out of their busy day with RESCUE REMEDY by their side.”

    Top 30 parenting challenges

    1. Being able to afford everything your child needs or wants

    2. Dealing with a lack of sleep

    3. Having patience

    4. Encouraging your child to eat their meals

    5. Dealing with an ill child

    6. Keeping on top of the household chores

    7. Encouraging your children to do all their homework

    8. Encouraging your child to work hard at school

    9. Tantrums

    10. Getting children up in the mornings

    11. Giving your child what they want without spoiling them

    12. Worries about whether you are doing the right thing

    13. Getting your child to eat fruit/veg

    14. Going shopping with children in tow

    15. Getting your child to clean their teeth properly, twice a day

    16. Getting time off work when your children are ill

    17. Encouraging your child to stay in bed at night

    18. Sibling rivalry

    19. Knowing the answer to all of your children’s questions

    20. Finding/juggling childcare

    21. Getting your child dressed in the morning

    22. Getting your baby/child to sleep at night

    23. Getting to work on time after the school run

    24. Getting your children to school on time

    25. Stopping your children from swearing or using bad language

    26. Getting your baby/child to sleep through the night

    27. Toilet training

    28. Tackling bullying

    29. Other competitive parent

    30. Trying to keep your children from spending too much time in front of a computer/TV screens

  • British Men Aren’t Happy About Gay Dads

    New research has shown that nearly half of British men aren’t happy about two men being fathers.

    • 47% of men disagree that a gay male couple can do as good a job bringing up children as a man and a woman
    •  70% of women think that two gay males would do a good job.

    New analysis of the British Social Attitudes survey published by NatCen Social Research during gay adoption week reveals that men take a more conservative stance on gay adoption and parenting. 47% of men do not think that a same sex male couple can bring children up as well as male-female couples, while just 30% of women do.

    When it comes to lesbian partners raising children, views are softer, but a gender gap remains; 42% of men doubt same sex female couples’ ability to raise children, in comparison to 27% of women. Men are also more likely to differentiate between gay male and lesbian couples.

    Overall, 35% of all Brits say that lesbian couples cannot bring up children as well as male-female couples, in comparison to 39% of those who doubt gay male couples’ ability.

    Public increasingly open-minded

    Just under half (49%) of Brits agree that gay couples should be allowed to adopt while 44% say that they should not. This represents dramatic change on thirty years ago; in 1983, 8% of the population agreed with gay adoption, while 87% disagreed.

    The analysis also shows strong generational trends, with older people far more likely to be concerned about same sex couples bringing up children:

    • 20% of 17-34 year olds think that same sex male couples can’t bring up children as well as opposite sex couples, in comparison to 57% of the over-55s;
    • · 17% of 17-34 year olds think that lesbian couples can’t bring up children as well as couples of the opposite sex, in comparison to 50% of the over-55s.

    Penny Young, Chief Executive of NatCen Social Research commented:

    “This research shows just how much things have changed, but also that among a large minority traditional perceptions of families remain intact. Although campaigners may well be disheartened by just how much this issue continues to divide the public, there are certainly positives for them to take from this research – the vast generational differences suggest a view on its way out.”

  • OPINION | What is in the label?

    “You know Charlotte? The girl who can relate anything in life to something that has happened in The OC”

    Even though we may not want to admit it we all place labels on others. Within every group of friends there are characteristic, personality traits or specific physical features that define someone. Although these are positive ways to describe others, should we define someone because of their sexuality?

    You may be an excellent sportsperson or a talented comedian. You could be the next Picasso or your devotion to charitable work stands out to others. Now, what would happen next if someone forgot all about what defines you and just referred to your sexuality?

    Who agreed it was acceptable to define an individual based on their sexual preference?

    Whilst being surrounded by those with limited views on homosexuality it confused me. I wondered who had made the rules of life where a man had to find a charming princess and why couldn’t I find a prince charming?

    After coming out to family and friends I found that although I never changed – the opinions of others changed.

    My friends when referring to me with others would use the term “gay”, and I couldn’t understand how the labels that defined me before disappeared.

    Gay is merely a synonym for homosexual, which breaks down in Latin to mean same and sex. Since the late 1960s gay has been used in replacement of the label homosexual. Members of the LGBT took the label of gay as it felt more positive than the latter term homosexual which gave a more clinical feel.

    Labels define us all in positive and negative ways but why should we allow people to overlook our other qualities just because of sexuality?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Top 5 Things You Need To Buy Your Pa For Father’s Day

    Top 5 Things You Need To Buy Your Pa For Father’s Day

    It’s on its way… Father’s day. Here’s five things your dad probably needs in his life!

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  • OP ED | Action (Wo)Man

    Tesco has become the second major retailer to be criticised in recent months for gendering the sale of its children’s toys.

    Boots previously displayed science toys for boys and ‘domestic games’ or Tea Sets for girls. Clearly boys or men do not drink tea and girls cannot be expected to understand the science behind every day things? It is not only sexist, it is socially damaging

    Segregating toys by gender, and denying children the chance to develop their interests, damages formative education and perpetuates gendered constructs into later learning. The World Bank’s 2012 report on Gender Equality and Development argues that it is “stereotypes within the education system, norms governing gender roles in the household that constrain a woman’s choice of occupation.” Indeed, early learning impacts educational and academic choices and leads to limited talent pools for ‘atypical’ occupations.

    Children’s author Megan Peel writing in the Guardian highlights that “Boots is a science-based company that employs many female pharmacists, opticians and chemists and should know better than to discriminate in this way.” Indeed Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) suffers from low representation of women in their sector and therefore compete for the few candidates in order to attract a diverse workforce. A 2011 report by the U.S. Department of Commerce found only one in seven engineers is female and less than 20 percent of bachelor’s degrees in computer science go to women, even though female graduates hold 60 percent of all bachelor’s degrees. Industry news site The Engineer suggests that women constitute just 8.7% of professional engineers in the UK – much lower than China where more than a third of engineers are women. So Tesco’s defending of their chemistry sets as ‘for boys’ and toy cookers as being ‘for girls’ is aggravating existing gender imbalances; which are clearly socially constructed.

    What also perplexes me – why is it always down to the women to challenge unconscious bias? I watched the BBC Breakfast covering this story and Suzanna Reid proudly asserted that ‘there is nothing wrong with a boy playing with dolls’ but she was met by a stifled sneer from Bill Turnbull who quickly deflected to a spokesperson from @LetToysBeToys. Even the sample of ‘everydaypeople’ spoken to on the street reflected a very gendered approach – one man said that he didn’t expect a boy to play with Barbie while a young mother (her baby boy in tow) said ‘if he wants a doll, he’ll have a doll!’ Why do men feel they have to police gender?

    This also has further implications for the LGBT communities. Men feel they are expected to reinforce the differences between them and women, with gay and bisexual men seeming to blur these boundaries; whether through alternative choice of toys, clothing or employment.

    The Gay British Crime Survey 2008 conducted by Stonewall highlights that the majority of victims of homophobic hate crime are young gay men, administered by males under the age of 25. For me gendering toys is homophobic and misogynistic, the two often linked. Every gay friend of mine at university had a My Little Pony. In fact when I had my tonsils out as a child I was rewarded with a toy of my choice – and what did I choose? Yes, a My Little Pony. Despite some initial reservations, my parents did not deny their child his wish and I feel that their support for my ‘different’ behaviour has helped my creativity and ability to seek out what I really want in life, rather than what I feel is expected or demanded of me.

    Institutional gendering of toys perpetuates negative and limiting constructions of gender. They also reinforce the binary of male or female, thus excluding those along the gender spectrum leading to the disproportionately high levels of isolation, depression and suicide amongst the transgender community. The National Centre for Transgender Equality (NCTE) estimates that between 30-50% of the transgender community has attempted suicide at least once. Although this is not immediately correlated with gender construction alone, it does highlight one barrier to be overcome by those transitioning between one gender and the other, especially when considering the young.

    The EverydaySexism.com site lists reams and reams of cases where prejudice against the gender spectrum is enacted on a daily, and often unchallenged, basis. Much of the examples are ignored or disregarded as too widespread, low-level or unchangeable. But if we all do not challenge these consistent inequalities and unfairness then they will not change. It is not ‘petty’ to demand equal pay (as it was deemed until 1975), women and men are not simply ‘acting up’ if they do not want to be spoken about as sexual objects and it is not acceptable as a mother or father to deny your daughter a science kit or your son a tea set; if they prefer an Action Man or Barbie then at least you have a child who knows and speaks their mind – isn’t that what a self-fulfilled adult is all about?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • UK Surrogacy Law And The Need For Change

    In this article, being our last in our series on surrogacy, we round up with a summary of issues to be alive to, when considering surrogacy as the correct option for parenthood.

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  • Dr Paul Cameron: Gay Marriage Will Shorten Lifespans And Cost Us More

    Family Research Institute founder states same-sex marriage will shorten lifespan of gay people.

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