THEGAYUK

Tag: Mental Health

All the latest breaking news on mental health and the LGBT+ community. Browse The THEGAYUK’s complete collection of features and commentary on mental health issues.

  • What the UK Government says its going to do for LGBT+ healthcare in the UK

    What the UK Government says its going to do for LGBT+ healthcare in the UK

    The UK’s Government has launched an LGBT action plan, in which it wants to deal with issues facing the LGBT+ community in the UK, including health.

    “This Government is committed to making the UK a country that works for everyone. We want to strip away the barriers that hold people back so that everyone can go as far as their hard work and talent can take them”.

    Big words, so what exactly are they promising?

    Penny Mordaunt, the Minister for Women and Equality has outlined 75  points she wants her office to push in order to achieve better rights, equality, safety and visibility for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex people of the UK.

    Health was a big part of the government’s action plan, here’s what Ms Mordaunt said she plans to do:

    Put LGBT+ people’s needs “at the heart” of the NHS.

    We will appoint a National Adviser to lead improvements to LGBT healthcare. The National Adviser will focus on reducing the health inequalities that LGBT people face, and advise on ways to improve the care LGBT people receive when accessing the NHS and public health services. They will work across the NHS to ensure that the needs of LGBT people are considered throughout the health system.

    The National Adviser will work to improve healthcare professionals’ awareness of LGBT issues so they can provide better patient care. The National Adviser will work with relevant statutory organisations and professional associations to embed LGBT issues into physical and mental health services.

    We will improve the way gender identity services work for transgender adults. In 2019, NHS England will decide on the future configuration of adult gender identity services in England, and will seek to establish a more modern care model that delivers high-quality outcomes in which clinical capacity can be more flexibly deployed. The Government Equalities Office will produce advice about the Gender Recognition Act for GP surgeries and gender identity clinics.

    We will improve our understanding of the impacts on children and adolescents of changing their gender. The Government Equalities Office will gather evidence on the issues faced by people assigned female at birth who transition in adolescence.

    We will take action to improve mental health care for LGBT people. The Department of Health and Social Care and the Government Equalities Office will jointly develop a plan focussed on reducing suicides amongst the LGBT population. The Department of Health and Social Care will ensure LGBT people’s needs are addressed in the updated Suicide Prevention Strategy, and the new Health Education England suicide prevention competency framework will cover high-risk groups including LGBT people.

    We will enhance fertility services for LGBT people. The Department for Health and Social Care will revise surrogacy legislation so single people (including LGBT individuals) can access legal parenthood after a surrogacy arrangement.

    We will ensure LGBT people’s needs are taken into account in health and social care regulation. The Care Quality Commission will continue to improve how it inspects the experience of LGBT people in adult social care and mental health inpatient wards, and we will begin to inspect all gender identity clinics on a risk basis. The Care Quality Commission will develop guidance for care quality inspectors on the healthcare pathway for people who are transitioning their gender, and embed LGBT equality issues into the methodology used by inspectors.

    We will support improved monitoring of sexual orientation and gender identity in healthcare services to enable better patient care. The Government Equalities Office will develop best practice guidance for monitoring and make this openly available to the public sector, and the National Adviser will work to ensure healthcare professionals understand the benefits of asking patients about their sexual orientation and gender identity. The Care Quality Commission will look at how we can promote the NHS England voluntary sexual orientation monitoring standard for people using health and social care services.

    We will work to tackle body image pressures that LGBT young people face. The Government Equalities Office will consider the specific challenges faced by LGBT people as part of our broader work to build the evidence base on the causes and impacts of body dissatisfaction.

    We will continue to review the blood donation deferral period for men who have sex with men. NHS Blood and Transplant will explore ways that a more personalised risk assessment can be introduced, to allow more people to donate blood without impacting on blood safety; currently, there is very little data on effective ways of carrying out such risk assessments. The initial scoping, evidence gathering and testing may take up to two years to complete.

    We are committed to tackling HIV transmission, AIDS and HIV-related deaths. As part of this, we are currently funding a 3 year trial with 10,000 people to determine how best to deliver ‘PrEP’. NHS England will consider the impact of increasing the PrEP trial further.

    We will take action to improve the support for LGBT people with learning disabilities. The Department of Health and Social Care will review, collate and disseminate existing best practice guidance and advice regarding LGBT issues and learning disability; and will also ensure that training requirements for support staff and advocates who work with people with learning disabilities includes advice regarding LGBT people.

    Here’s what the government plans are in other key areas:

    Education | Healthcare | Representation | Workplace | International | Safety

  • This is how to wake up happy

    How we wake up, sets us up for the rest of our day.

    CREDIT: © oneinchpunch Depositphotos

    Sadly most people these days wake up as stressed as they went to bed. This means that we often wake up dreading the day instead of being ready to take it on. It is easy to change this by doing a few simple things in your early morning routine, but a lot of people think this might take too much time.

    This is a misconception as in fact: taking a few minutes in the morning to get ready for the day will boost your energy levels and will make you work faster: leaving you with more time by the end of the day to do things you really want to do: like hobbies.

    1. Avoid screens (1). Waking up clear headed begins with going to bed clear headed. Stop turning on your computer late at night thinking “I’ll just do that one last thing …” as we all know you’ll still be doing that one last thing at 3.00PM. Instead of pulling all-nighters you’ll be far more productive during the day if you avoid flashing screens altogether for at least half an hour before you go to sleep. Rest your mind with a book or listening to some soft music or a radio play.

    Your brain needs to recover from the glare of the computer, followed by the glare of the TV. An overload of images right before going to bed is detrimental to a good nights rest.

    CREDIT: Minerva-Studio-bigstock

    2. Get things ready before going to bed. Choose what you’re going to wear the next day early the evening before. After this think about what else you might need and put it out. Getting details in order the evening before saves you precious time and stress in the morning.

    3. Wake up at-least half an hour before you have to. It’s a myth to think that it’s that extra half hour of sleep that would help you to wake up feeling refreshed. You’d be surprised to know that this is not the case. Waking up a little earlier means you can start your day slow and relaxed, as you have some time for yourself instead of; jumping out of bed, rushing into the shower, wolfing down your breakfast and dashing out.

    1767892 / Pixabay

    4. Do NOT set an alarm. This might sound odd, but there is a very good reason for this: when you use an alarm to stir you in the morning you do not wake up naturally. The sudden beeps of the alarm disrupt your sleep and you jolt awake abruptly, stressed out before you’ve even opened your eyes. Hitting the snooze button after this makes things even worse as dozing off means you will be waking up again ten minutes later at the beginning of the sleep cycle. The worst point to be woken up.

    Instead of using your alarm try and exercise mind and body into resetting your biological clock so you’ll wake naturally. I do not advise to start training this during a working week as you may run into trouble.

    5. Avoid screens (2). Do not reach out for your phone or laptop the second you wake up. Those e-mails, messages and Tweets can wait. Immediately going for the phone means you’re starting work the moment you wake up causing stress levels to rise abruptly. Reading Twitter does not equal time for yourself. The internet late at night you’ll be on that phone/tablet for the next 40+ minutes, losing precious time and will stressed for the rest of the day.

    6. Begin the day with positive affirmations: Find a motivational meditation that speaks to you and play it the moment you wake up. Early in the morning, your mind is very susceptible and the affirmations will remain with you throughout the day.

    Alternatively, if you do not like to play recordings early in the morning: reading positive affirmations instead will do just as well.

    7. Go over your daily goals: What was it you had planned for the day? What is essential? Remember it and think about how you want to do it.

    CREDIT: ©-Iakov-Depositphotos

    8. Do some exercise: Some people swear by exercising first thing in the morning: it is easy to see why: it gets done and sets you up for the rest of the day. It is also obvious why many more people feel quite queasy at the thought of doing strenuous exercise first thing in the morning.

    Still, even if you don’t like working out first thing in the morning, it is a good idea to at least do something to wake up your body, your metabolism and your mind. Try ten minutes of easy exercise that suit you. A bit of yoga, for example, a few sit-ups a little cardio or pilates, even going up and down the stairs a few times. (Always, always stretch before anything you do though!!) Doing some moves early in the morning is like physical coffee that gets you going.

    9. Practice Mindfulness: Take your breakfast and relax. Eat slowly and try to truly taste what you are eating. After you have finished don’t jump up immediately but slowly close your eyes and do a brief body scan. Take a few breaths and pay attention to what you feel and hear around you. This should take no more than two or three minutes: a mini meditation.

    10. Talk to your loved ones: Take some time out to talk to your partner/family or live in friend. Give a kiss and a cuddle. The best way to start the day is with love.

  • These are the things you shouldn’t say to a friend who is suffering with their mental health

    These are the things you shouldn’t say to a friend who is suffering with their mental health

    The Things Not To Say And Why

    TheHilaryClark / Pixabay

    There are certain things not to say if your friend comes to you with and says that they are suffering with their mental health. Your reaction could really help or hinder their progress.

    The lines that I would suggest avoiding in this situation are:

    ‘’Get yourself together.’’
    Depression, for example, is not something you can simply put a cast on and a few weeks later it has healed. Mental conditions are not someone’s fault, and this statement implies that it is self-induced. It may also deepen the shame that they have if they’re struggling to come to terms with the fact they might have a mental illness.

    ‘’I get it, I have bad days too.”
    While this seems like an attempt to build a connection and make how they’re feeling more relatable, this type of statement actually minimises the pain that they’re suffering and makes it sound as though their current mental state is trivial.

    ‘’You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.’’
    If someone is struggling to verbalise any negative or hard to deal with feelings, then this kind of statement will make them feel as though they are complaining and a burden to you. Throw away comments like this suggest that you’re not taking their emotions seriously – as though it is something that they can simply ‘get over’.

    “What have you got to be down about, you have everything a person could want, a family, a wife, a job, a home.’’
    What’s important to remember here is that mental illness is not a choice. A person can have everything that would make someone else happy, but that’s irregardless – they are still feeling mentally unwell, and this statement is unsupportive. A person may be successful on the outside, but no one knows what is happening on the inside.

    “Everything is going to be fine.”
    How do you know it is? Aside from the fact that this statement isn’t based on anything tangible, someone who is suffering from a mental health condition may struggle to see past the next hour. Asking them to look ahead is something that they may struggle to perceive.

    “We should catch up sometime.”
    Connection and consistency are important to someone who is struggling. These throwaway statements should not be used as they suggest that you may not mean it. Instead plan a time and a date and something definitive instead.

    The Best Things To Say

    “Are you okay?”
    Simple but effective. It may be that no one has asked that simple question for a while and if you follow this up with “is there anything I can do to help?”, they may feel safe enough to begin the conversation.

    “Let’s have a night in.”
    By not suggesting that they need to get out more, it will allow them to approach their mental health in a step-by-step way. Instead, suggest staying in with them and do something that they will enjoy. It’s also a good opportunity to start a conversation and be there to listen while they share their feelings.

    “Tell me about how you’re feeling.”
    Be empathetic but not patronising. They don’t want to feel like they’re in a therapy session but by encouraging communication, they’ll hopefully feel like you’re a trustworthy ear.

    “Give me a call if you ever need to chat – day or night.”
    Finish your chat with them by reasserting the fact that you are there to chat whenever they need to. Then, make sure that you are actually available to talk when they do reach out. It will take them a lot of courage to pick up the phone and say that they’re struggling.

    “Can I cook you dinner tonight?”
    Little things go a long way. A simple gesture such as making them dinner will mean a lot to them and reassure them that you are looking out for their wellbeing.

    “You are not in this alone.”
    Instead of saying that “there is always someone who is worse off” which will make them feel inferior, try comforting them by saying that you will get through this together. A strong support network is key.

    The Best Questions To Ask And Why

    Mimzy / Pixabay

    Keep Things Normal
    Try not to treat them any differently. Ask them normal things such as “Do you want to go for a coffee?” or “Did you see that show last night?”. That way, they feel that their mental illness has not pushed people away and even if they say no, don’t give up on them, he may just need time.

    “What Can I Do?”
    Most of the time they will not need anything tangible, just someone to listen and not judge.

    “How are you feeling today?”
    Ask about how they truly feel instead of the generic “how are you?”. Try, “I have noticed you are not yourself and I want to know how you are feeling”, then be prepared to listen to them after without judgement.

    “Do you need to talk? I’m here if so.”
    Sometimes venting or talking about how and what they are feeling can make it a little bit better, even if just temporarily. However, the long-term positive effects from this question will be that they will know you are there for them and that they will feel supported.

    Make sure that your check-ins are genuine and regular. Make sure that you don’t push them too hard, too soon but also don’t let them off the hook when they reply “I am fine”. There’s a fine balance between pushing someone too far, too soon and giving up too easily.

    “What was the best part of your day?”
    May sound like an odd thing to ask, but by asking them this, you’re essentially asking them to find a positive in each day. It will make them feel like they have achieved something and that they are successful.

    “Chat to me about how you’re feeling.”
    You can try open-ended questions. Try to keep language neutral and casual and give them plenty of time to answer and to find the right words to truly express their emotions. Likewise, when they do respond, try not to grill them with lots of questions.

    “Do you want some space?”
    While it’s important to show support by being present in someone’s life and ensure them that they are not alone and also making sure that they are not isolating themselves, often some time alone can be helpful to digest how they are feeling or to simply recharge their batteries.

    What Answers Should You Be Worried About

    Free-Photos / Pixabay

    “I can’t do this anymore” or “I can’t go on.”
    If you suspect they are thinking of taking their own life, it is very important to encourage them to get help such as contacting their GP or NHS on 111.

    “I really need to have a few drinks.”
    We’re not saying that having a few drinks is always going to be a warning sign, but if your friend doesn’t usually suggest alcohol as a coping mechanism or you’ve noticed that they are drinking more than normal, then this could be an early indicator of misuse disorders.

    “I’ve always got a headache at the moment.”
    Headaches, while they are never pleasant, could actually be a sign of stress in this case. Built up stress can cause headaches, migraines and chronic headaches and research has also found they are strongly linked to many anxiety disorders.

    “I’m really struggling to sleep at the moment.”
    Sleep is closely linked with many mental health conditions and actually sometimes has a chicken and egg effect. A lack of sleep can cause the onset of many conditions whereas restless nights, tossing and turning and even sleeping too much can be a warning sign of insomnia and depression. There’s also a strong link between sleep and some anxiety disorders.

    How And When You Should Encourage Them To Seek Further Help

    Warning signs such as the above are key things to look out for – many of them are early indicators that their mental health is affecting their physical wellbeing. It is crucial that you try to encourage them to seek help from professionals.

    A subtle but equally dangerous warning sign of mental illness is hopelessness. Studies have found that hopelessness is a strong predictor of suicide with some people struggling to talk about unbearable feelings, predicting a bleak future for themselves and stating they have nothing to look forward too.

    Do everything you can to help them get the help they need. As a friend, you yourself can call a crisis line for advice about the best way to support your friend or loved one, and you can inquire about referrals. You can try and get help from local charities, such as counselling organisations and support groups. On top of that, encourage them to see a mental health professional or go along to the doctor’s appointment.

    Small things like encouraging positive lifestyle changes such as plenty of sleep and going out for a walk on their lunch break. Exercise is extremely important as it releases endorphins, relieves stress and promotes emotional well-being.

    Also, there is an innovative, medication-free treatment which is now available which can treat the symptoms of mental health issues. This treatment is called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), this treatment stimulates specific areas of the brain which are affected by mental illnesses (such as depression, anxiety and OCD) using magnetic pulses. The depression treatment has been approved by NICE as being safe and effective. An intensive course of the treatment could potentially reverse the symptoms of depression in two to three weeks.

    Chloe Ward is Technician at Smart TMS, the UK’s leading mental health clinic specialising in Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation.

  • 11 ways you can help a friend struggling to cope

    11 ways you can help a friend struggling to cope

    When a friend is in need, it can be hard to know how to react, here are some tips to help you listen and help a friend in need.

    How to help a friend struggling with their mental health.
    MabelAmber / Pixabay 11 ways you can help a friend struggling to cope

    1) Ask if everything is okay

    “How are you feeling?” Sometimes someone just needs to be asked if they are okay. Asking a simple, “how do you feel?” will let the other person know you are open to chat.

    2) Just listen

    If your friend starts to talk, let them speak. Don’t interrupt in the first few minutes. If you’re confused about the timeline or the people involved, circle back round to it in your repeat back.

    3) Repeat back

    Let your friend know that you’ve been listening by repeating back some of what they’ve said to you. In a way, it can help you summarise what you’ve heard. If you’re unclear on something here is where you can explore.

    4) Ask open questions

    Don’t shut the conversation down by asking a closed question. These are questions that can be answered with a “Yes” or a “No”. Instead look for open questions which will allow someone to open up and talk. They usually begin with “How”, “Why”, “What”. Closed questions begin with: “Is…”, “Can…”, “Did…” and “Are…”

    5) Verbal nods

    When someone is talking and sharing with you, you’ll want to show that you’re actively listening. You can do this with verbal nods, which are affirmative sounds, like “yes”, “okay” or “I hear you”.

    6) Use their language

    Sometimes people struggle with the right terminology or words to express themselves. Echo some of the words that stick out to you. It can act as a way of letting someone explain the way they feel more fully.

    7) Don’t judge

    It can be difficult not to judge someone and their actions based on what you think you’d do in the same situation. But you’re not in their situation so your judgement is pretty irrelevant here. Just listen. This is a really good moment to check how you’re sounding and talking. How is your tone of voice?

    8) Don’t make it about you

    Be there for your friend, so let them have this moment. Let them get everything they need to off their chest.

    9) Don’t tell someone that you “get it” or “I know you feel”.

    The likelihood is that you don’t or won’t. Unless you’ve been in exactly the same situation you won’t know what they’re going through. Even if you have been through something similar to your friend, you are both very different people and will deal with situations differently. It’s best to say something like, “I hear you”, “I understand what you’re saying”.

    10) Don’t try and fix it

    This can be really tough because you might feel like you’ve got the answer, but it’s always best to let people work out their own answers that will work with their circumstances. Also, how often do people really take advice – especially when it isn’t asked for… never. So ask your friend what they think the solution is and then repeat steps 3 to 9.

    11) Speak to a stranger

    Suggest that they call the Samaritans or Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline. Speaking to a stranger or someone on the end of a phone, who isn’t connected to them in any way can be a way in which your friend might feel more comfortable sharing their problems with. Samaritan’s phone number is: 116 123 or Switchboard is: 0330 330 0630.

     

  • Don’t Let Mental Health Be The Elephant In The Room

    Ford Shows It Really Is Good To Talk.

    “Everything we do is driven by you” was once Ford’s advertising slogan. Now Ford UK have gone a step further and by joining forces with mental health charities’ Mind and Rethink Mental Illness, they are aiming to reduce the stigma associated with mental health

    One in four people in the UK experiences mental health problems. Young men have been identified as a vulnerable demographic. The statistics are worrying. Around a third of men would talk freely about their feelings while less than a third said they were too embarrassed to seek help with half saying that isolation is worse than the condition itself. It’s clearly time to talk.

    “One in four of us go through mental health issues at some point in our lives, so it really affects us all, be it through personal experience or through the people we know,” said Ford of Britain Chairman and Managing Director, Andy Barratt. “As the market-leading car and van brand in the UK, Ford is an important part of society and we want to use that relationship to reach as many people as possible and encourage them to ask one simple question – ‘is everything OK?’.”

    So what has this got to do with a car manufacturer? Research carried out by Ford UK concluded that 67% of people said they were far more comfortable talking about their problems within a vehicle.

    Ford engineer and employee champion, Matt Loynes, who came through the lowest point of his mental health issues with the support of a friend says “A vehicle is a great place to start talking because it’s like your own private bubble, where you’re on a journey together and you’re shoulder to shoulder,”

    And their research is not wrong. Think of Peter Kay’s “Car Share” in as much as two people, in a car sharing experiences. It’s more than listening to music, going for a drive and talking to yourself. By talking to someone else you can open up. The vehicle is a safe environment to be in. No one else is there with you except you and a mate and if it helps, those moments of silence can be broken up with a song.

    “We’re delighted that Ford is committed to improving attitudes towards mental health,” said Director of Time to Change, Sue Baker OBE. “Their support will help hit home the message that we all have a role to play in looking out for one another’s mental health. As Ford’s public awareness film highlights, talking about mental health doesn’t have to be the elephant in the room.”

    Follow the link to Ford’s simple yet effective national public awareness video:

    Ford and Time to Change have also come together to create five ‘top tips’ as a starting point to help people across Britain to spot the signs and offer the necessary support:
    • Text/Call Reach out – start small
    • Find a good time and place
    • Go for a coffee
    • Ask how they are – listen without judging
    • Treat them the same

    For more information, visit www.ford.co.uk and www.time-to-change.org.uk

  • COMMENT | I came off Twitter for a week and I was happier for it

    Last week I decided that I would delete some social apps.

    Ranty tweets do nothing for the health – so why not come off it for a while.

    I was done with social media. Twitter had become the second thing I opened in the morning, second only to my eyes and within seconds I could feel my blood angry up.

    Twitter’s “Moments” were the catalyst for my angst. The platform, which claims not to be a publisher, hires a team of people to select stories (never actually on newsworthiness) and create an incredibly biased narrative and shoves them into my timeline.

    Have you ever noticed that there’s so much anger on Twitter?

    It’s faux anger, fueled by hashtags that will be long forgotten when the next travesty is ‘momentised’.

    But where is the anger about the mountains of plastic we consume each day? Where is the angst about the bleach we pour down millions of loos, water which eventually ends up in our oceans? Where is the outrage for the millions of acres of forest we destroy for paper products or products which contain palm oil?

    Problems that actually matter, problems are extinction level events for humankind.

    No, instead let’s argue about whether Ben Affleck’s back tattoo is “too much”, whether Germaine Geer is a feminist or not or whether the 30-year-old lyrics of “Do They Know It’s Christmas” are “problematic”. It’s just all so tiresome and what does all this negativity really achieve?

    If you “can’t deal” Ben’s tattoo, don’t look at it. If you don’t think Germaine is woke, don’t listen to her, if the lyrics offend you, just search for how much money that song has raised for good causes. Stop shitting on everything because you have a problem with it. Today.

    Enough is Enough

    As I clicked the “X” above Twitter and the TWO Facebook apps, I had a pang of, actually what was that feeling? Was it desperation? Or was it relief?

    Twitter is part of my work, so I knew I wasn’t going to be able to rid myself fully of the little blue bird, but I’d have to log in via a browser, which I found to be a much better experience for my mental wealth.

    For the first three days, when I had a spare moment, I found myself, opening up my phone and looking for something. As I flipped through my apps, I had forgotten what I was looking for, but habit is so ingrained in our fibres, we still reach to do the thing that we always do. I guess this is withdrawal. The visual element of the Twitter / Facebook app logo had gone, but I was still looking for my connection fix.

    After the fourth day, I had rediscovered the Apple news app – and started reading actual news. News that is sourced, written, analysed and curated by real-life journalists. Yes, of course, there is bias in news, but if you choose a number of outlets, one from each side of the political divide and one in the middle (or indeed a specialist or niche site, like THEGAYUK.com – plug plug) you can get variety. Like your food diet, your news diet needs variety. Consuming only one type will ultimately leave your wanting, no, needing more.

    By the fifth day, I had totally forgotten about the apps and an added boon, my phone’s battery life went to last an entire day. Almost.

    By the seventh day, I actually felt calmer. I felt happier. I feel less stressed.

    I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep this up, but my mental wealth has boomed.

    As I travelled into London on the train, I looked around the carriage and was aware that everyone, regardless of their age was hunched over their phone. Tapping away. They were all obvious to the world around them. When did we become so disconnected from the real world?

    I looked out of the windows, the sun filtered through the glass. London looked beautiful. I felt happy to be alive. I felt happy to be disconnected in that moment.

    So if you find yourself getting angry over nothing, put down the phone, look out your window and take a deep breath.

     

     

  • COMMENT | What do we mean when we say Mental Health?

    I was taught there are 2 main groups of conditions that affect mental health and that they are:

    Mental Ill Health
    These are the types of conditions which occur as a result of trauma or tragedy, the workplace, home, relationships, the environment in which we live and our physical health.

    Many of us will visit our GP and accept medication and/or a referral to a mental health practitioner at some time. These types of short-term (up to 6 months) interventions help us to adapt and adjust to change

    Mental Illness
    These are acute conditions that are considered as being severe and enduring.

    Mental illness in this group is of the nature that requires long-term medication, monitoring of the person and at times periods of hospitalisation. Hospital admission is a last resort when someone deteriorates and becomes a danger of harm to themselves or others.

    General

    The reasons for a change in someone’s condition can be many and varied from something as simple as neglect. From not eating regularly or taking their medication as prescribed they may experience an acute episode.

    I always reflect on us being a melting pot of chemistry and chemical reactions. By adding or taking something away or some change in routines and sleep patterns adverse effects can be experienced.

    Mental Health is indiscriminate and does not take into account, your ethnicity, age, gender, sexuality or any other character of diversity.

    In the same way, as we are all unique and individual, times of recovery and the severity of symptoms we each experience will be different. A diagnosis requires expert knowledge, training and experience.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Ten stress busting life hacks

    Top 10 stress busting ideas to get you feeling on top of the world and ready to take on any situation.

    1) Breathing.

    via GIPHY

    It sounds silly as we do it automatically every few seconds of every day. I guess because if we didn’t then we wouldn’t have any stresses at all to worry about! Though I still often hear the phrase, “don’t forget to breathe” and why because when we panic we take short little breaths which can make us feel tight and agitated. So when you find yourself in a stressful situation do two things for me. One – Close your eyes. Two – Take in a deep breath to at least the count of six or seven, then control your out breath to a count of ten or eleven. Then repeat. IF YOU START TO FEEL DIZZY STOP! The closed eyes will allow you to focus on your breath and your breathing will help slow and calm the body allowing you to regroup to tackle any problems.

    2) Go for a walk.

    via GIPHY

    If you’re in the office then leave your desk and take a walk around the office, be it to the coffee machine or to the toilets. If you’re on a lunch break then try to leave the building. Fresh air and a different surrounding will really help to take away any work related stresses. Even if you have a deadline approaching a quick five mins walk can help save more time in the long run when you come back refreshed.

    3) Eating.

    via GIPHY

    What are you eating and when? Try not to skip meals like breakfast or lunch. Starving the body means it will fight for you attention and when you have a boss fighting for your attention also you don’t need the extra stress of a flagging body! When you do eat try to have something balanced. A good bowl of fruit and cereal for breakfast then a pasta lunch will do you wonders. Don’t replace meals with fizzy drinks or chocolate snacks as they’ll give you a five minute rush then you’ll feel more tired than you started.

    4) Ditch the phone.

    Having yourself available for contact 24hrs a day is not good for your health. You need ‘you time’. Switch off the phone for an hour in the evenings and treat yourself to spending some time with yourself or a loved one. When a phone is switched off you don’t have to worry about life outside of you. If it’s important they can leave a message. I also urge to ditch the phone whilst sleeping. Turn it off and leave in another room, or if it’s your alarm clock then put it as far away from you in the room. Give the brain some time to relax from the positive energies of the phone that still engulf a room when not in use.

    5) Drink.

    Most of us like a good drink now and then. If anything we all think we may drink a bit too much. I know I do, yet I try to convince myself it’s to help me unwind, to help me relax. True, in moderation! If you’re drinking a bottle of wine a night then it’s likely you won’t be getting a good nights sleep and feel groggy in the morning. Tonight why not ditch the bottle and have a peppermint tea instead? It has no caffeine so won’t keep you awake!

    6) Sex.

    Yes, it can be a great relaxant. A good steamy session or even some quality alone time can help muscles to relax and relieve some tension from the body. However please be careful as sex can also cause a lot of stress to your life if you’re having it unprotected and with people you don’t know. A trip to the GUM clinic is not going to help you achieve a more relaxed you!

    7) Chocolate.

    via GIPHY

    Yes I know I said chocolate and fizzy drinks are bad, but only if they are replacements for your main meals. A little nibble of chocolate (though for me if it’s open, it’s gone!) can give you a little life buzz. It’s these little buzzes that help us to enjoy life.

    8) Smiling.

    via GIPHY

    It’s true! If you smile you instantly feel better. Go on try it now and prove me wrong. Think of anything that makes you smile. For me there’s a whole bank of ‘smile moments’ in my life, mostly at the expense of family members, sometimes at myself, such as the time I walked into a glass door whilst trying to enter a bar in NY. I may have had a bit to drink and missed the sign that said push but nose first I left an imprint like an owl does when it’s hit a window at night. My eyes were certainly as wide!

    9) Massage.

    via GIPHY

    Having someone else rub oils all over your body and rub all the built up tension dirt from inside your muscles away is fantastic. I love it. Then again I just like being touched and It can sometimes be a great lead up to tension busting tip number 6. However not everyone is as free with their bodies, so if you hate the idea of someone else’s sweaty palms prodding you all over then try this. Take a tennis ball and place it on the back of a chair and roll your back over it. This also works for rolling your feet over it to relieve any foot stresses.

    10) Hot Bath & Candles.

    via GIPHY

    Sounds like a cliché but really can do the trick. I love a hot bath filled with fiery spices, light a couple of tee lights and turn the lights off. No phone nearby, no glass of wine, no partner wanting to get frisky, just you, the bath, and your deep thoughts. Breath in for six and out for ten, let your mind be free to wander. Breathing. In and out. Stresses of work, relationships, family will try to take over your clearing head as you breath in and out. In and out. The best advice I was ever given was when a thought enters you head don’t worry about it appearing, just let it drift away as it drifted in. Breath in and out. Let you thoughts evaporate into the steam of the bath. In and out. You have no worries. You have no stresses. You are enjoying the simplicity of life. Enjoy…

  • 10 signs of depression you should look out for

    Depression and mental health have been hot topic subjects of late and sometimes spotting the signs can be difficult.

    We spoke to psychotherapist Andrew Smith clinical director of TherAppUK Ltd who gave us 10 pointers to look out for.

    1. Social Withdrawal.

    This is when someone may become more withdrawn from social activities, and not be as interested in going out and socialising. However, more importantly, they may not be doing anything else as an alternative. Give them an invite to something and mean it. As a therapist, we often use the boundary of a session to gently challenge clients who would wish to withdraw.

    2. Being Less communicative.

    Has the talking stopped? Keep the conversation going. It can really help if the person opposite really feels like you care about what they are saying.

    Most people who are struggling with difficult feelings and experiences often lose an ability to engage in dialogue with their loved ones. This happens over time and is a gradual response to depressive feelings. Keep talking, even if it feels like drivel, and really listen to what people are saying. It is very difficult to push away someone who is genuinely interested in you.

    3. Isolation.

    This is the effect, not always the cause. Pop around to see them, offer to help out, and persevere. Often, the message that someone is not going away, no matter how hard they are going to be pushed, is so important. Therapy is a further way of helping this, in a far less pressured way.

    4. Health.

    As we descend into the spiral of depression and anxiety, we often lose sight of how taking care of ourselves (better things to worry about), and gradually this can lead to poorer choices in food, sexual health, financial matters, and exercise. Ironically, good choices in all of these can help immensely in our recovery. So ‘encourage’ someone to take up a new activity with you (yoga can be amazing), try a meditation class, and cook some healthy food together.

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  • COMMENT | 13 Reasons Why, we need more Saved By The Bell for our mental health

    As I write this I have just realised how long it has been since I have written an article or a proper story. How long it has been since I felt really okay and that I might have suffered a PTSD related setback. Why has this happened I wonder: I felt so good a few weeks ago. Then I realise it started with watching a new Netflix series called 13 Reasons Why.

    Revolving around a young girl’s suicide the series claims to be a show to get people talking about teen suicide, bullying, sexual assault and a  cautionary tale about the signs of suicidal behaviour and how much a person can handle.

    I watched it out of curiosity and in my capacity as a psychologist. Immediately after the first episode, I started feeling a bit odd. You see, I suffered from bullying, mental health issues and sexual abuse, so the series hit an immediate trigger. I should have stopped there and then, but for some reason, the series had taken hold of me, even if I could bear no more than one episode a day.

    Soon I was triggered to the point of thinking over past events and painful memories for several hours a day. I couldn’t really work or concentrate, I was just thinking about myself, my traumas the lost years, the bullying. I began doubting any accomplishments I had made and mentally started dragging myself down. It was as if Hannah was taking me with her in her fall.

    By the end of the series I was relieved it was over, and the documentary with warnings and support did little to alleviate the turmoil I was suffering.

    I am not the only one, one journalist said,

    “I can’t stop thinking about it and I really don’t want to. Because what I saw was more disturbing than any horror film imaginable.”

    It is sad that something starting out as wanting to help teens suffering has got it so wrong and might cause more suffering in the end.

    Having undergone the experience I applaud everyone who warns kids against watching it. I am a grown woman reliving trauma because of a story created for teens. This show had me out of kilter for weeks on end. How must it be to watch this when you are still living it? Dangerous, that is all I can say. It is bizarre that this show was created to warn against suicide when at the same time making it seem as the only option. The fact that it was announced that there is a second season.

    The show shows extreme victim blaming and suicide as a payback, as finally taking control, not as the end result of months of mental pain. Suicide is not about control, not about revenge: it is someone thinking everyone’s life will be better without them. It is usually done as a spur of the moment decision to end the pain, not a planned out ritual.

    Aside from the traumas 13 Reasons Why evoked and the glorifying of suicide and self-harm, the one that galled me the most was the character of Courtney and storyline in the show. As someone who has struggled with their sexuality for a very long time, seeing the lesbian character portrayed the way she was on this show was upsetting by itself. Compared to the male gay characters (one is a sweet good guy, the other has flaws but tries to do right near the end) she has no redeeming features at all. She was not even granted a scene of remorse at the end. Being a lesbian seems to be so bad that she prefers to protect a known rapist rather than face being outed. With such a lack of young lesbian role models on TV and in movies is this really what should be presented? For some reason being a lesbian is seen as problematic for many young women and girls these days and the impact this show has right now can only make this worse. Having Courtney show regret and sharing in her coming out would have lifted at least some of the problematic content displayed in this storyline.

    Mental health officials and many celebrities have now warned against the show and I agree with them. It is triggering and can cause many mental problems.

    Paris Jackson, who tried to take her own life in 2013, has also spoken out, calling the show ‘extremely triggering’ for young people ‘in a dark place’.

    While actress Shannon Purser says: “I would advise against watching 13 Reasons Why if you currently struggle with suicidal thoughts or self-harm/have undergone sexual assault.”

    Meanwhile, the National Association of School Psychologists took a clear stance, insisting the show is dangerous for young people.

    “We do not recommend that vulnerable youth, especially those who have any degree of suicidal ideation, watch this series,” the board said in a statement.

    At the same time, several Canadian schools have sent out warnings about 13 Reasons Why and one is telling students to not talk about it at all while at school.

    I, on the whole, agree with this message. If you are open to it, the show can do strange things to your mental well-being. Teenagers are very susceptible and besides the fact that young people are suffering bullying and abuse on an extremely large and dangerous scale these days, there is also the internet. Online teens can both wallow in dark places where suicide, pain, mental health issues and self-harm are seen as glamorous and also experience more bullying. If this series is added to this never ending tsunami of darkness the suicide can all to easily be copied.

    What teens need, now more than ever, is soothing storytelling. ’90’s TV shows like Blossom and Full House and Saved By The Bell might often be berated as soft and fluffy but series like those are what got me through the darkness in my childhood. When I was at my lowest these series were like a warm embrace, telling me things would be all right even if something went wrong. (In fact, marathoning both Full and Fuller House are what are getting me out of my depression now.) I know all too well how a young mind can be influenced by dark and tragic tales and had a series like 13 Reasons Why existed when I was young things might not have worked out so well for me. I hope that we will soon see an end to all the dark and “realistic” shows teenagers and young adults are fed these days.

    Now more than ever we need “soft and fluffy”, we need to be told that “it will be alright” as our reality is dark enough as it is.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Emotional baggage is just a valuable quirk you’ve not discovered yet

    Damaged Goods or just quirky? In this article, I’d like to look at the concept of “damaged goods” and what we think that means.

    We’ve all heard of the term and most of us in one form or another believe we have baggage of some kind that we carry from one person to another. In recent years, I have seen examples of people that have carried around that the belief that in one form or another they are ‘damaged goods’. Their damage comes in all shapes and sizes, some of it small and ‘quirky’ and some of it far larger and core to who they believe they are.

    But we can’t really talk about ‘goods’ without talking about baggage. Now we all have baggage in one for another. Experiences, both good and bad, have formed the person we are today and how we respond to different situations. To every relationship (romantic, business, family or friend) you will always bring with you those good and bad bags.

    Good bags could be things like a sense of right and wrong, being a hard worker, kindness, care and attention or even an ability to listen. But what are some of the ‘not so good’ bags? Is there such a thing?

    Examples of the ‘less that constructive’ emotional bags that people carry could be things like an inability to easily trust, a need for reassurance, over-reaction, inflexibility, selfishness or even a short fuse. All are examples of behaviours that when expressed lead to confusion, miscommunication and negative emotions.

    A study conducted in 2014 and published in the Independent newspaper seemed to imply that gay relationships are more likely to be happy and content. But how can this be so? We all carry baggage in one form or another. We have all been bullied or oppressed in one form or another and the negative behaviours those experiences leave are powerful. I’ve seen relationships end due to ghosts of past horrors and indeed scars that have not healed in quite the way they should have.

    On the flip side, because most of us have seen trouble in our lives does that mean we actively seek and protect what is more precious to us? That we learn from these experiences and seek out things that make us happy, together as a couple and not just as a sole survivor of life?

    But if that’s true then why early this year in August 2016 was it shown that depression and low self-esteem was on the rise amongst gay men? If gay men don’t see themselves as worthy that belief will trickle into their relationships and their workings of that relationship. What becomes a little issue to one becomes a massive issue to another, purely because of the value we place on that issue. But everyone’s values are different so how can you possibly hope to know what it means 100% of the time? To a boy selling his cow at the Market a bean is a symbol of hope, but to the seller of the bean it is just a bean.

    Having been there with depression I’d freely admit that I carry my own baggage (both constructive and non-constructive) and can see the situations that they can get you in. It’s taken me a good couple of years to accept and examine those goods and even now I admit that there could be more in my cargo hold that I’ve not seen yet.

    The only piece of advice I can give anyone is to remember that we only see with our own eyes and we cannot see everything. As human beings, we cannot know everything and we cannot know what someone is thinking. The truth of the world is always changing depending on where you are standing, therefore keep moving. Look for another angle and you’ll get as close to a truth as you can, and you’d be surprised how often those ‘damaged goods’ are actually quirks that could be quite valuable.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.