THEGAYUK

Tag: Sobriety

  • Gay guys open up about some of the social issues that our community is facing

    Gay guys open up about some of the social issues that our community is facing

    As a community, we’ve faced some immense challenges. Some, across our world, are still facing untold tragedies and discrimination. Sometimes, however, the worst issues can come from within.

    So when Reddit user dprince1988 asked “What gay social problems do you see which aren’t talked about enough”, the AskGayMen community did some soul searching and came up with a list.

    Here are some of the issues it raised.

    Suicide Rate

    The LGBT+ community has one the highest suicide rates of any minority demographic.

    The Trevor Project details how suicide is one of the biggest killers of young people, and that Lesbian, Gay and Bi youth are three times more likely to contemplate suicide over their heterosexual counterparts.

    One commentator added, “I should submit a picture of my arm. So many cuts that I can’t even differentiate between normal and scar tissue. When meeting new people I have to wear long sleeves or else they freak out”.

    Sober spaces

    The lack of sober social spaces was also raised. However, there are services such as meetup.com which are helping to facilitate social situations that don’t centre around drinking.

    Loneliness and isolation

    At the moment, thanks to COVID-19 many people are facing isolation, but for many in the LGBT+ community, loneliness is a real issue outside of lockdown.

    Rural Isolation

    Outside of large cities and towns can be a real issue for LGBT+ people. Sometimes hook up apps and chat rooms are a vital lifeline for LGBT+ people who don’t have a local scene.

    Domestic Violence

    In a recent article for THEGAYUK.com legal expert, PAULA RHONE-ADRIEN shared, “…sadly, in such a small minority of just 1.1 million, at least 1 in 4 victims of domestic abuse are lesbian and nearly 1 in 2 victims are gay. The figure rises to nearly 80% if you identify as transexual”.

    Bottom shaming

    On bottom shaming one user-added, “Bottom shaming is internalized homophobia and societal view of women (the feminine) being less-than.”

    Lack of LGBT sex education

    As schools don’t tend to offer gay sex education there is a lot of misunderstanding surrounding STIs, the purpose of PrEP and consent.

    Ageism

    One user added, “Gay men are notorious for being disgusted and belittling older guys… even older guys do it to each-other… there’s an old cliche called the “gay death” which means once you turn 30 you’re ugly, old, and undesirable.”

    Ableism

    One user added, “Pretty tragic given how much more likely queer populations are to suffer psychological or physical ailments.”

    Drugs and Chemsex

    PNP and HnH orgies are becoming more and more commonplace and normalised on dating apps.

    Racism

    User HereForHope wrote, “This 100%. Racial dynamics are never talked about introspectively. Be that homophobia in communities of color to the fact that it’s apparently totally fine to have racist shit like “no blacks no rice” in your dating profile”

    Erasing the T

    User Atlask wrote, “I don’t know if it fits what you are looking for but that whole lgb movement who focuses mostly on erasing the trans…”

    Aesthetics

    “Not conforming to a few very specific aesthetics” Another used also noted that eating disorders were rife in the community, saying, “

    I know so many gay men with eating disorders. They either are or have been out-and-our anorexic/bulimic, exercise bulimic, or take hard drugs to stop themselves from eating.

    “Others are on steroids to build up muscle.

    “And they’re all still unhappy, even the ones that have great bodies”.

    Friendships without sex

    Gay friends without sexual interest

    Bi-erasure

    Bi Erasure is a form of erasure directed towards the bisexual community It can take many forms including when society sidelines bisexual stories for gay or lesbian stories.

    Bi Erasure is also the ignoring or rewriting of LGBT+ history where bisexual people of note are effectively erased from the LGBT+ movement.

    Hookup culture

    Which could lead to invalidating other communities such as asexuals.

    Political Persuasions

    What happens when you’re not a democrat? One user suggested, “Gays assumed to be liberals/democrats. I know a lot of conservative/ republican gays and they always get the “but you’re gay!” attitude and called Uncle Toms. Really I think this is the biggest prejudice against gays now in the US. Gays are capable of free thought, not mindless hive mentality”

    Use the comments below to let us know your thoughts.

  • Are you about to fail Dry January? Here’s 11 things you won’t miss if you stay sober – and keep on track!

    Are you about to fail Dry January? Here’s 11 things you won’t miss if you stay sober – and keep on track!

    When I gave up drinking 5 and half years ago, I thought that life as I knew it would end, the parties, the laughter, the falling over in the ditch… but it hasn’t and in fact, I can still outstay my welcome, be the last to leave a party and fall over at any time as required. It wasn’t the booze after all. Here are the 11 things you won’t miss if you go sober.

    1) White wine guilt.

    You know the feeling when you wake up after a heavy night and you think back to the conversations you had the night before and then it hits you, you started calling everyone a c**t for no particular reason, except for, at the time, you were passionate about particular cause and it seemed like the only word that fully explained the cause – and then you realise that “everybody” included your boss, mother, local vicar and the street cleaner.

    2) Lengthy debates about shit that doesn’t matter

    I like to debate and I’ll happily argue a point, even if I don’t agree with the point that I’m debating. If the person opposite is a good sparring partner I’ll even argue that Trump is the planet’s saviour. Being sober, of course, I’ve realised that I don’t need to take the debate to its natural conclusion of a 5AM-we’ve-drunk-everything-let’s-start-on-the-Archers-cause-there’s-nothing-left, drunken dribbling train wreck. I can just leave it now.

    3) Saying too much.

    I was a bit of an over-sharer – I still am to a certain extent. And it surprises me how much people, especially in business will give away when they’re drinking. Secrets and inside info are traded away for another glass of Blossom Hill. Next time you’re out on a do with a client, just ask a few probing questions, they’ll open up about all sorts of stuff that ultimately, sober, they’d never tell and you know what, it all leads to point 1.

    4) Having spent the best part of a week’s wages on one tragic Saturday night.

    Dear god when I look back at how much money I spent buying rounds over the years, I could have bought a house, a yacht and a reasonably sized pony. Now a Diet Coke (£2) and I’m anyone’s (not really). What did spending all that money get me? Nowhere. And in the morning when I wake and I look into my wallet, I don’t feel point 1. Actually I wrote about how much money I saved here.

    5) Grey saggy skin.

    Honestly, I’ve not really aged. People always assume I’m still 10 years younger than I am… I’m happy about that. I don’t get Champagne face anymore. That look as though you’ve sat with your face against the side of a patio door all night.

    6) Repeating myself, repeating myself.

    Have you ever notice how dumb people who drink sound. First off we’d get irate about something and then we’d bulldoze our beef into any conversation and repeat, repeat and repeat until we pass out. We never listen to advice and we just keep on repeating…

    7) Night buses

    I take my smug (it’s a hybrid, so I feel less guilty about pollution) car everywhere – I never have to endure a chip stinky N91 night bus ever again. Sure I’m missing all the dramz, the light petting, the fights and alcohol breath from other passengers who are just far too close.

    8) Spending a fortune on cabs

    I no longer have to spend a mortgage on a cab to get back home. Are you hating me a little now, I would, I’m sounding really self-righteous.

    9) Piling on the pounds

    Before, when I was drinking, I just couldn’t seem to lose weight. Pounds just seem to be constantly piling on, no matter how much I ran, went to the gym or ate less cheese. I’ve lost over a stone and excitingly the weight hasn’t crept on again. When you consider a bottle of wine has 600+calories in it and you drink maybe 3-4 in a week – you’re looking at 1800-2400 extra calories a week – a full day’s worth of calories extra. Over a year that’s 93600 -124,800 extra calories that you’re probably not burning off.

    10) Apathy

    Come wine o’clock – which could be from 5:30 PM in our office, I just wouldn’t get anything else done. My mind would literally shut off after the first sip and then after a glass, I’d become something of a less evil Jabba the Hut crossed with an average British voter (completely apathetic). When you give up alcohol, you can say goodbye to no energy and goodbye to the excuse monster.

    11) Depression

    For me, the greatest thing about not drinking anymore is less anxiety and general depression. I couldn’t work it out. Every few days, I would get an uncontrollable bout of depression. Really deep and out of nowhere. It wasn’t until I released that it was always two days after a bender of a night that I realised my anxiety and depression was being brought on and exacerbated by alcohol. In the year that I’ve stopped, I have two, manageable down days – as opposed to two a week.