★★ | Pam Ann: Touch Trolley Run to Galley 20th Anniversary Tour, London and other UK cities
Trolley Dolly Pam Ann returns to London with her 20th Anniversary tour – Touch Trolley Run to Galley – but it’s pretty much the same schtick she’s been doing year in and year out.
Australian Pam Ann (real name Caroline Reid) has been making the rounds as the self-described ‘Queen of the skies’ for the past 20 years all around the world, and in this show she lets us know it. Now playing at the Leicester Square Theatre, the show begins with a video montage of her previous shows and the famous people she’s hung out with. Yes, from the minute the video starts we are reminded that the show is all about her. She lets us know that she’s an iconic international celebrity air hostess who has developed cult status over the years with her fans (most of whom are gay and who love her bitchiness and candor). And then when she’s out on stage she picks four audience members and invites them onto the stage to create a new Spice Girls band (who are also celebrating their 20th anniversary). On the night I saw the show, she conveniently picked four gay men from the audience (after all, gay men are so much more likely to ‘get her’) to ‘become’ the Spice Girls. Picking on audience members is a time and tested old tradition used by comedians when they don’t have enough material to fill a show (‘what’s your name?’, ‘where are you from?’ is the usual repertoire), and it’s a bit lazy to do so at the beginning of a show! Anyways, Pam Ann was very good with them; she was quick with one-liners and put-downs, and the men took it all in jest. It’s funny, but I wanted more jokes about the current state of the airline industry and the in-the-news bad treatment of passengers (she did open up with a joke about the United Airlines fiasco but it was a bit too short and too quick).
The second half of the show had her bring out a trolley filled with, of course, alcohol, as well as a bevvy of dolls that represented airline stewardesses from all over the world (an Australian transgender doll was quite funny). But we’ve seen this from her many many times. Pam Ann tells us why she loves BA, and her alter ego Lilly ‘comes out’ all too briefly, and of course, she makes fun of Ryanair (who wouldn’t?). But as the show goes, it’s ‘we’ve seen and heard it all before’, and two hours in she leaves the stage and tells the audience to expect something great – but when she comes back out all she presents to us is a glittering outfit where she then proceeded to take selfies with the audience members whom she chose to be the Spice Girls, and then thud, the show ended, with not a laugh in sight. Pam Ann: Touch Trolley Run to Galley 20th Anniversary tour is 2 hours and 20 minutes long, but this consisted of a 20 minute interval and 20 minutes of video footage, including two videos of her interspersed into scenes from the Great British Bake-off – it would’ve been a bit funnier if she would’ve done this live, but that would’ve been perhaps too much effort?
She’s still got it. Forty-Six she reminds us, and still has lots of wear left in those knees. ★★★★
And as those noisy punters she had removed from the front row will attest, as feisty as ever. Pam Ann is the unchallenged Queen of the skies and looking around at the packed Leicester Square theatre – queen of the gays as well – with every c*ck joke, every rim job mention provoking whoops of excitement that explode across the small auditorium.
It’s not hard to understand why the gays have taken Pam under their collective wing for nearly 20 years, in an interview with this very magazine in 2013 she said about the gay community,
“They didn’t create Pam Ann; they created my whole fking life and my existence. That’s why I have not got married. I have not had kids. I am a fking gay man, 99 per cent of my friends are gay so they can take responsibility for everything. My vocabulary is gay, I speak gay, everything is gay. I f**k like a gay so you know, I say they created my whole existence and Pam Ann.”
There’s something different though with Pam Ann, perhaps a little more self-aware than her usual, it feels a little Pam Ann 2.0. In this show there’s a lot less “air” jokes and hardly any of her beloved characters, such as Lily, Valerie and Helga. The first part gives way to a full on stand up routine and while much is in the character, Caroline Reid (Pam Ann’s creator and body) is it seems, breaking and aching to get out.
Don’t get me wrong; she still gets in the ‘ass-like-a-hippo’s-yawn’ gag (it was at 3 minutes and 42 seconds, but who’s counting) and she still flies in the headwind of the PC brigade, using race, religion, heterosexuals and class as her bread and butter material, much to the applause of the crowd.
While some media outlets will call her shtick out-dated and a product of days past, our community needs levity and moment to stop eating itself from the inside and listen to some of the pearls that fall from Reid’s mouth – and she knows that. With a knowing eye she momentarily tips her hat off to one particuarly hotly contested word – to the delight of the audience.
But what if Pam wasn’t Pam anymore? Instead we have Caroline… I’m excited about the prospect; does she need to be dressed up in the uniform to still be hailed high as one of the campest comic creations by the gay community? The question is will we let her flamboyant, coked up stewardess character go? Will we let Reid fly, shed the wingtips and become a fully-fledged real person rather than the institution she’s become?
Pam Ann Queen of The Skies is on at the Leicester Square Theatre until November 30th.
Hostess with the most-est and former GAYUK cover star PAM ANN has hijacked a plane to deliver drugs to the Hamptons.
Biatches, this is the only way to fly.
Watch as Pam Ann steals a StndAIR plane, slams another, thinner stewardess, removes a butt plug and drink wine, when her pilot is delayed. Sounds like a standard trip to Marbella on RyanAir.
Accompanied only by her blowup doll, she shows the world at what a true class icon of the skies she truly is.
SHAKES ON A PLANE: Pam takes control of the twin engine sea plane. (file photo) Speaking about her mile-high romp Pam said,
“Whenever I fly out to the eastern reaches of Long Island, I always take my trusty seaplane, StndAIR. For one thing, it’s a super convenient 45 minute flight. And for another, the plane is mine! So why not?”
Owned by André Balazs’ Standard hotels, StndAIR offers flights to and from East Hampton and Shelter Island in a bright red Cessna 208 on Thursdays, Fridays, Sundays and Mondays. Fitting up to eight people in a multi-windowed cabin, flights take 45 minutes, starting at $550, one way. The service is available to all, for reservations please see http://www.stndair.com.
Catching up with our favourite trolley dolly while she is on tour in America, Domenico Sansalone talks to her about everything from safe sex, opening for Cher and her new show at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane in December.
CREDIT: Pr Supplied
The Gay UK: I have a funny story actually, once when I was flying back from Mykonos to London and you were on the same flight and the attendants were falling all over you it was an Easy Jet flight but they loved you. Does that happen a lot?
Pam Ann: Well I had a f**king smacking hangover because I had come straight from the f**king club and I had these big glasses on right? Yeah I was f**king against the visor against the window. I will never forget that c**t of a flight. He gave me a bottle of water that is as much as they could give me.
TGUK: Well it is Easy Jet you have to pay for everything…
PA: Well no, she gave it to me for free, that was like champagne on BA. But yeah it happens. It happens a lot in Europe and Australia. I fly a lot on Jet Blue, but once you get into middle America, say on Delta, you can go to hell, you can f**k off! They don’t know who I am. They don’t care who I am. I get fisted on those flights! They don’t give a f**k. They lose my bag, they roll their eyes, they throw abuse at me and I am treated like everyone else, so I know what it is like.
TGUK: Amazing! Do you ever notice that flight attendants get nervous when they recognise you and feel like they need to give you better service?
PA: When I am sitting there and they are about to give the safety presentation they know. When they stand in the aisle about to give the safety demo and they kind of freak out when I am sitting right next to them, sometimes they crack up laughing but cause I look at them and take everything in.
CREDIT: Pr Supplied
TGUK: I read somewhere that you said the whole Pam Ann character was created when you were drunk. But you also said that it was the gays that created you, could you elaborate on how the gays created you?
PA: They didn’t create Pam Ann; they created my whole f**king life and my existence. That’s why I have not got married. I have not had kids. I am a f**king gay man, 99 per cent of my friends are gay so they can take responsibility for everything. My vocabulary is gay, I speak gay, everything is gay. I f**k like a gay so you know, I say they created my whole existence and Pam Ann. It’s their fault so they can take responsibility.
CREDIT: Pr Supplied
TGUK: We’ll own that! We’re responsible for unleashing Pam Ann on the world. I think that’s something to be proud of…
PA: When I get put into a straight world I start talking about felching and fisting and straight people look at me horrified. They are completely freaked out and when I am in the company of my gays it is just a normal conversation. There are no gasps of horror. You know “Oh, he grinded my arsehole last night” is just a lunch conversation. But in the straight world that is like porn, you know? Thankfully I live in a very open minded gay community. I am very privileged.
TGUK: I saw you at the Bloomsbury Theatre last year and I say that 99.9 per cent of the audience was gay men and then the other 0.1 per cent was female flight attendants…
PA: Annoying s**t faced flight attendants that need their f**king mouths stitched up. Everyone was so into it in the audience, it was just such a good atmosphere and vibe in that room.
TGUK: You are in the US touring right now. Do you notice a difference in the audiences in the States and the UK?
PA: Oh f**k no, they are hysterical here. I mean just see Seattle, that audience was f**king insane. It was on par with shitfaced Glaswegians. No conservative f**king people in Seattle I tell you.
TGUK: Well you know, marijuana is legal there now, right? Gay marriage and pot in the same election.
PA: I mean they are all bohemian f**ked up people up there. That’s why I love them in Seattle. I mean I am going to really great places. In LA they have a bit of a chip on their shoulders, they are a little bit like, prove it. So they can be a little bit more reserved in LA because they all think that they should be on the stage and not me.
TGUK: You have some competition in LA?
PA: A lot, and they all look kinda f**ked up. You don’t know whether they are laughing or they just looking at you straight on cause they’ve got so much plastic surgery.
TGUK: Do you ever change your jokes to localise them for whatever area you are in?
PA: Absolutely, the first hour is improvised about them. That is why the show is 2.5 hours. It’s like a hijack situation! So it is all tailored to them, to every place I go. That’s the best part of my show and what I enjoy the most is winding them up.
TGUK: I was watching a documentary on Joan Rivers and there is one scene where she is in Middle America and someone gets offended and talks back to her and she kicks them out of the room. A lot of what you say is outrageous, have you ever had an incident like that?
PA: Oh f**k yeah. I mean 24 people walked out of my show in Nottingham. To me, that is the kudos, thank you. Goodbye! It’s too much for some of these straight people. I don’t care. Leave. Please leave, you are not nailed to the armrest, you can go. I say that sometimes you can go at any point that you like because I mean really I couldn’t give a flying f**k.
TGUK: It’s really impressive just being on stage for two and a half hours. Do you ever get nervous about forgetting anything or is it just so natural now that you don’t even think about it?
PA: I feel so sorry for people that have to sit through it for two and a half hours. I really do. For me, two hours is probably when I am really on a roll. If you come to a show and its 1.5 hours then I really hate you. Right. So gauge this. If I am on for half an hour, I’m dying. If I am on for an hour, I could be restricted to that time because of the venue. If I’m on for an hour a half I’m not really that into you as an audience and I am on for two hours, we were really into each other. If I am for two and a half hours, I want to f**k your arsehole. So it all depends.
TGUK: There should be a little chart in the programme that you provide with that for your shows…
PA: There should. You know in Seattle, we had two hours. It was rocking; it was amazing. You see I always get nervous, I always think that they might not come. There are times when I have had stage fright and it always stays with you, it never leaves. Like Bill Cosby said once, when you go to an audience and you trust each other, that’s when all the doors open in your head and you think, where the f**k did that come from? You know? But if you come out and you’re nervous, then the doors shut and you go on autopilot.
TGUK: What gigs are you most nervous about?
PA: It is most nerve racking when it means a lot to you. Say the London Palladium which a f**ked up one night. Then the second night, I made sure I didn’t. It’s a mindset, sometimes the expectation is really high that you get nervous but you need to learn how to deal with expectation. That’s why a lot of people never go far because the expectation is too high and it takes them too much out of their comfort zone. So I think nerves come but when you break that barrier, you can build on that. Corporate events f**king scare the living daylight out of my arse. And I hate to do them. I hate doing them, that’s why it costs so much money, because I do not want to do them. So it is very hard to get me to do anything corporate. Booking comedy in an environment they see at the Bloomsbury Theatre and they say I want that and you put that into a hotel ball room with a bunch of corporate people that are mainly heterosexual and they ask “why didn’t it work?”! You know its like, Meryl Lynch asked me to do a gig and this gay guy who was obviously organizing it get on his knees. And the big boss hated me and I ended up running out and they didn’t want to pay because thy were like, “that wasn’t funny” and I’m like, “you c**ts.” I mean nobody wanted to laugh because they were all watching the bosses because they all didn’t want to laugh at something that could be seen a racist in their eyes. So, you’re dealing with that. I pushed the boundaries so if I do corporate events and they say can you tailor it so it is not so this or that, I say yes. But once a raving f**king sailor from the suburbs of Australia… I can be a lady sure. But it’s in your nature; you can’t change a tiger’s spots can you?
TGUK: What was it like working with Cher?
PA: Well that was, if you’re talking nerves that was the ultimate nerve racking experience of my life. I wanted someone to actually push me down some stairs. I was already on the stage. I wanted someone to push me down and break all my bones in my body so I didn’t have to go on. I need that extreme excuse, I was just like so scared, I paced so much my dancer said I wore a hole in the dressing room. I was beside myself scared of that. I used to run compulsively, excessively over my lines. I used to cross them off like I was in a prison cell. Nerve racking, I mean nerve racking. There were 14,500 people in the arena supporting Cher, a gay icon, no one knew who the f**k I was. I was club act from Bromptons, I mean really, don’t forget your roots. Seriously I said to a guy yesterday about agents and managers. He said my agency is grindmyarsehole.com. GMA. Because the biggest gigs I’ve got are with Elton John and Cher were all done from people seeing me at Bromptons or Two Brewers. Just go work in a f**king club. That’s where you get the jobs, you’re not going to get that at an agency.
TGUK: You’re in the US right now but are you planning to come back to the UK to do any shows over here?
PA: Yes I am about to book the Drury Lane. Hot news. It’s huge, I want to do two shows. I’ve booked the 15th of December and I am hoping to book the 8th as well. I am bringing the global alliance back. I’m bringing all the old characters and new characters back. So it’s going to be called “Plane Filthy”. And that hot news off the press, I’ve not told anyone. Its not 100 per cent signed off yet, but you can leak it.
TGUK: Finally, one last question as we know you are about to go on stage. The Gay UK is launching our new safe sex campaign. Can you give some tips on safe sex?
PA: Well to be honest with you, I understand promiscuity because I am promiscuous and have been in the past a lot. I have been unsafe and had unprotected sex so I am no f**king angel. So, for me it’s been trial and error. Sexually transmitted diseases are scary and I have no easy answers so just try and make a f**king effort to do it. I’m not going to say I’m so safe because I have not been, but I am really safe think promiscuity comes from low self-esteem. I’ve had unsafe sex because I have had low self-esteem and self worth so I didn’t care. Because I have done cocaine there is that element of I don’t really care even if I die, I don’t care right now. Once you start to build and work on yourself and go to the gym, get a healthy diet, is when you are going to start to take care of yourself sexually. If I had a cock I would have died in the 80’s. Unfortunately I would have because I would have been a dirty whore. And that’s just the reality of it… I’m not doing really great for your campaign am I?
When I moved to London as a pink faced, wide eyed young lad from the midlands, live cabaret was quite an alien concept to me. In those heady days I’d bounce from bars, where bar boys would be doing camp Steps routines, to club nights where the likes of Mariah and Madonna would play, all whilst supping on a bottle of hooch.
Way back then, Pam Ann was one of the first cabaret acts that I ever saw and even though I’d never even set foot in an airport, let alone on an aeroplane, at that point in my life, I still howled at every bit of her sharp observational humour and the garish persona she had invented.
Thirteen years on and whilst so many things have come and gone, Caroline Reid, the woman behind the potty-mouthed trolley dolly, is not only still commanding packed out venues in London, she has seemingly charted a meteoric rise to fame worldwide. With a world tour in 2011, sell-out performances at the esteemed London Palladium and the Hammersmith Apollo, Pam has set her sights firmly on breaking America and she’s doing a damn good job of it. In her latest DVD, Pam Ann Live from New York, Pam plays to her ‘gays’ at ‘Joes Pub’: a celebrated showcase venue that has seen the likes of Kiki and Herb, Amy Winehouse and Alicia Keys grace it’s stage.
Pam’s knowledge of her subject really is astounding. If you’re going to do stand up focussing on such a niche topic then you have to be on the ball and the devil really is in the detail. Pam gives a master class in it. Rolling off gags about every possible airline you know, and some you have never even heard of; mocking certain mannerisms and nuances that she has picked up and exaggerated for comic effect, whilst also working the audience into as much of the show as she can. The content is fresh and appealing and is mixed well with tried and tested older material; with references to recent aviation developments such as British Airways’ recent initiative, ‘what would Kate do’ and Ryanair threatening to introduce porn to their flights (shudders).
If you’ve never seen Pam before then you’d best buckle up because she doesn’t mince her words and it’s certainly not a DVD for you if you’re at all twee about swearing and sexual suggestiveness. She does love to go on about her appreciation of big black cock A LOT.
A highly entertaining show that will really put a smile on even the glummest of faces. Pam’s unique brand of stand up is as risible now as it ever was.
If you don’t know who Pam Ann is, then clearly you’ve been living under the wing of some lesser known aircraft (possibly an old Boeing 727-100 without ‘wing-tips’).
Pam Ann, plunged on to the scene after a night on the vodka and has been wowing audiences ever since. Madonna is a fan, so is Cher, Elton has had her crew on his private jet and she’s rubbed herself up against the world’s rich and famous. We put Pam Ann through The Gay Test. 1) The best way to travel is:
a) Coked off your head in First…
b) Coked off your head in Business…
c) Swigging from a can of Stella in an upturned bucket, whilst being shouted at by an upstart attendant named Chellllseeeeee…
None of those, the best way is face down on a flat bed with a cock in my ass.
10/10Wow this Bitch is a power bottom, Pam Ann gets right to it. We’d prefer a glass of champs then a cock in the ass… Just sayin.
2) Do you know what ‘Sounding’ is?
The sound a pussy makes after wearing polyester trousers on a 24 hour flight.
3/10 That’s an image I now can’t get out of my head. No one should ever were polyester. Ever.
3) The best thing about ‘your gays’ is…
They love mood lighting.
10/10 Oh yes we do. Many hours spent in the lighting department of John Lewis, Pam, it’s like you know us…
4) Snog, Marry, Machete:
Elton
George
Boy George
I’d marry Elton, Snog George and bareback Boy George.
7/10Mr George is on line 5. He’ll be round shortly.
5) What is your most extravagant purchase?
I’ve recently purchased 95 Airbus A380s.
3/10We were thinking something mink or platinum, but what ever floats your boat or blows your wings.
6) What’s your must have item when traveling the world?
A wet pussy.
3/10Tabby? Don’t understand the answer? Pussy?
7) Boyzillian or Hairy?
Hair chest boyzillian cock.
9/10What a pro… Best of both worlds.
8) Complete this gay mantra: Don’t go for second best baby / Put your love to the test
You know, you know, you’ve got...
an asshole like a hippo’s yawn.
7/10Ah yes the feeling you get after a good 24 hour flight, being pummelled by all and sundry..
9) In a perfect world all gay men would…
They are already perfect – C**s.
11/10 Why Thank you… Can’t argue with the logic. Nice use of C**t. Extra point.
10) What’s your favourite bit about Matthew Mitcham?
His double pike.
6/10We could drown in his double pike. Oh Matthew… Matthew… Matthew…
69/100. Our favourite Flight attendant is well on the way to Gaydom. Her understanding of her core demographic is spooky. Mood lighting, Mile High Club, Matthew Mitcham and she clearly loves a bit of cock. It’s uncanny, she’s almost one of us! Book for Pam Ann’s 2013 UK tour. Tickets are now on sale. To book tickets visit:PamAnn.com
Sitting in Business Class aboard this PAM ANN service to camp heaven, I was concerned that my inflight entertainment system (Caroline Reid) wouldn’t be able to deliver the high-quality broadcast I’m used to, however, I was every bit enchanted with PAM since the first time she tried to strip me…
As I arrived at the theatre to watch Pam Ann’s ‘You F’Coffee,’ I thought I was in the wrong building. The late great Astoria came to mind as hundreds of London’s gay glitterati swanned around, clinking champagne glasses and wearing t-shirts far too tight. Actually, the theatre was serving Champagne in Plastic, I know, the horror. The only thing missing from the old G-A-Y days was the smell of poppers and that feet-sticking-to-the-floor-ohmigod-what-is-that-I’m-stepping-in feeling.
Once seated and prepared for takeoff Pam enters the stage and certainly gives the audience what they want. She actually glows, radiance is my word du jour for Pam. Participation, crude and lewd language and anal jokes from wall to wall. It’s all rather marvellous stuff. I gave up counting the word c**t (and I mean that in an endearing way) after around 150 of the blighters projectiled out from the stage – mostly aimed at the second row of hoof clad British Airway’s hostesses.
It’s testament to Pam’s awareness and captivation of her audience that this act, which should be very limited in its subject matter has been doing the rounds since 1996 and yet there seems to be no faltering in the love for Ms Ann. Especially as she leaps from the stage and rub her bountiful bosom in an unsuspecting, expectant bear’s face. They love it of course. Any chance to be touched, groped or lushed upon by Ms. Ann is any gay’s dream, which I was to realize personally a few years back, when unannounced and quite early in the evening on an empty dance floor at Scala’s now-defunct Popstarz night in King’s Cross, Caroline, accosted, nay, molested me and began to strip me in the middle of the club. Now of course I’m far too much of a gentleman to go all the way – or she hadn’t ‘slipped enough E into my drink’ but the love affair had started. No woman has touched me like that. Before or since. Subtle and clever marketing, touching the lives of gay men around the world.
At times, the show felt as though it was nearly out of control with Reid, racing ahead of her own jokes, but ultimately, the overwhelming feeling is that she absolutely loves what she does and the audience loves her for it. I wouldn’t have minded if Reid had fluffed and f**ked up, because it’s in the unplanned and spontaneous that Pam Ann’s true genius shines through.
Pam Ann is a true gay icon. A f**cking class act (I know I’m swearing… even in Business Class) One dimensional – but fascinating, uncomplicatedly simple – but sublimely camp and after 16 years of Boeing 747 series 400 with… wingtips (thank you gays…) is keeping her audience quite literally lubricated.
