If you don’t know who Pam Ann is, then clearly you’ve been living under the wing of some lesser known aircraft (possibly an old Boeing 727-100 without ‘wing-tips’).

Pam Ann, plunged on to the scene after a night on the vodka and has been wowing audiences ever since. Madonna is a fan, so is Cher, Elton has had her crew on his private jet and she’s rubbed herself up against the world’s rich and famous. We put Pam Ann through The Gay Test.
1) The best way to travel is:

a) Coked off your head in First…

b) Coked off your head in Business…

c) Swigging from a can of Stella in an upturned bucket, whilst being shouted at by an upstart attendant named Chellllseeeeee…

None of those, the best way is face down on a flat bed with a cock in my ass.

10/10 Wow this Bitch is a power bottom, Pam Ann gets right to it. We’d prefer a glass of champs then a cock in the ass… Just sayin.


2) Do you know what ‘Sounding’ is?

The sound a pussy makes after wearing polyester trousers on a 24 hour flight.

3/10 That’s an image I now can’t get out of my head. No one should ever were polyester. Ever.


3) The best thing about ‘your gays’ is…

They love mood lighting.

10/10 Oh yes we do. Many hours spent in the lighting department of John Lewis, Pam, it’s like you know us…


4) Snog, Marry, Machete:



Boy George

I’d marry Elton, Snog George and bareback Boy George.

7/10 Mr George is on line 5. He’ll be round shortly.


5) What is your most extravagant purchase?

I’ve recently purchased 95 Airbus A380s.

3/10 We were thinking something mink or platinum, but what ever floats your boat or blows your wings.

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6) What’s your must have item when traveling the world?

A wet pussy.

3/10 Tabby? Don’t understand the answer? Pussy?


7) Boyzillian or Hairy?

Hair chest boyzillian cock.

9/10 What a pro… Best of both worlds.


8) Complete this gay mantra: Don’t go for second best baby / Put your love to the test

You know, you know, you’ve got...

an asshole like a hippo’s yawn.

7/10 Ah yes the feeling you get after a good 24 hour flight, being pummelled by all and sundry..


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9) In a perfect world all gay men would…

They are already perfect – C**s.

11/10 Why Thank you… Can’t argue with the logic. Nice use of C**t. Extra point.


10) What’s your favourite bit about Matthew Mitcham?

His double pike.

6/10 We could drown in his double pike. Oh Matthew… Matthew… Matthew…


69/100. Our favourite Flight attendant is well on the way to Gaydom. Her understanding of her core demographic is spooky. Mood lighting, Mile High Club, Matthew Mitcham and she clearly loves a bit of cock. It’s uncanny, she’s almost one of us! Book for Pam Ann’s 2013 UK tour. Tickets are now on sale. To book tickets visit:PamAnn.com

About the author: Jake Hook
The editor and chief of THEGAYUK. All in a previous life wrote and produced songs on multi-platinum records.