THEGAYUK

Author: Food Writer

  • RECIPE | Posh Cod & Chips

    Serves 4 | Prep 20 minutes | Cook 20 minutes

    B12 BOOSTER / Anti-Oxidant Rich

    I am not normally one to go for fish, I have a strange fear of the sea that extends to fish being on plates. However, this is not fishy in the slightest and I found myself sharing the last fish parcel with a friend the first time I made it. I served mine with sweet potato chips, and had a pot of the left over pesto on the side (like a more refined version of mushy peas, perhaps), and had a posh fish and chips night.

    COD- For every 113g of cod you eat, you are receiving the following of the recommended daily intake; 109% B12, 88% iodine (great anti-oxidant stimulant, thus boosting the immune system), 57% selenium (HIV can deplete someone’s antioxidant / selenium resources so Cod makes a great natural way of boosting levels back up), 55% phosphorous, 42% protein, 21% choline (liver protector)- to name the highest. (SOURCE : http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=133 ).

    INGREDIENTS.

    One batch of artichoke & pistachio pesto

    4 pieces of cod (either fillet or tail-end will work)

    12 slices of pancetta

    few springs of thyme, leaves removed

    Olive oil
    METHOD.

    Preheat your oven to 220c / 200c (fan) / Gas Mark 7

     

    1. If you are using a fillet, then using a sharp knife make an incision in it’s thickest part and slice horizontally to create a pocket (just as if you were stuffing a chicken breast), and stuff with a tablespoon or so of the pesto.
    2. If you are using the tail end (this is what I used) then have where the skin used to be side up, place a tablespoon or so of the pesto on the fish and fold one half of the fish on top of itself sandwiching the pesto.
    3. Wrap each now stuffed fish in 2-3 slices of pancetta (depends how big your slices are) and place in an oven-proof baking dish.
    4. Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle a few thyme leaves on top.
    5. Roast in the oven for 20 minutes.
    6. Remove from the oven, at this point you could choose to pan fry the fish parcels in order to get a bit of crisp on the outside.
    7. Serve with a pot of remaining pesto on the side, or alternatively keep leftover pesto in the fridge to use with pasta the following day.

  • RECIPE | Rustic Smoked Bacon, Goats Cheese, & Beetroot Tart

    Serves 4 (as a starter) | Prep 1 hour (you can reduce by buying pre-cooked beetroot in natural juices) | Cook 30 mins

    Starter / Vegetarian (without bacon)

    By calling this rustic, it means I’m able to be slap dash with the presentation of the pastry and not be sorry ’bout it. Scarred by how pedantic the process can be to create the flakiest puff in my chef’s course, I now opt for a ready made, ready rolled pastry. The smoked bacon in this tart makes it something different from the normal goats cheese & beetroot combo. For vegetarians that are fond of this combination, just omit the bacon, it’s a lovely dish either way.

    This would go nicely with Griddled Romaine Lettuce Hearts

    BEETROOT- Beetroot are high in potassium, magnesium, iron, vitamin A, B6, C, folic acid and anti-oxidants. (SOURCE http://www.webmd.boots.com/healthy-eating/guide/beetroot-benefits ) The nitrates in beetroot help lower blood pressure and may help heart disease. Also, beets contain boron which is good for sexual stamina and all-round energy levels! (SOURCE http://www.undergroundhealth.com/12-healthiest-foods-on-earth/ )

    Ingredients.

    1 sheet ready made / rolled puff pastry

    2-3 small beetroot

    1 egg

    100ml cream

    150g soft goats cheese

    nutmeg, a small grating

    1 tsp thyme leaves, finely chopped

    80g smoked bacon lardons (optional)

     

    Method.

    Preheat your oven to 210c / 190c (fan) / Gas Mark 6

     

    1. Peel the beetroot and drizzle in oil, wrapping in individual foil wraps and roasting in the oven for an hour or until tender when pierced with a knife.
    2. Dry fry the bacon pieces until crisp and set aside on kitchen towel to soak up any excess oils.
    3. Make the filling by whisking together the egg, goats cheese, nutmeg and thyme leaves.
    4. Slowly incorporate the cream a little at a time whilst whisking.
    5. With your ready rolled pastry sheet, keeping the pastry on the grease proof paper, transfer to a large baking sheet.
    6. Begin to roll up the edges so that you are creating a tall enough wall to accommodate your filling. Seal down edges with a little water.
    7. Pour the filling into the pastry case. Slice the beetroot thinly and lay on top of the filling. Be careful not to make the filling flow over the pastry wall. Scatter the bacon lardons on top.
    8. Bake in the oven for anything up to 30 minutes (depends on your oven) . Your filling should be set, and the edges of the pastry golden.
    9. Remove and leave to stand for a few minutes before slicing and serving.
  • FOOD: The Power Of Plant, Healing HIV

    FOOD: The Power Of Plant, Healing HIV

    The Power Of Plant, Healing HIV

    By no means am I suggesting medication be swapped in favour of natural remedies, and whenever incorporating a supplement or out of the ordinary addition to your diet, you should always seek medical advice in the first instance.

    After recently being diagnosed HIV myself, and try as I might, as I’m sure some HIV-positive people may be able to relate to when they first found out, I could not find the wonder drug online to cure me! I’m assuming this was my denial stage. After re-assessing and implementing a new diet, I started delving into plants and herbs that had undergone testing and scientific research that provided some promising results.

    The more I looked, the more evidence I came across not only from clinical trials but professional herbalists, ancient practices of medicine, even biblical references. It would seem that the plant world does have some interesting attributes in helping to strengthen our immune system, and dis-encouraging the growth of the HIV-1 virus within the body. A lot of the evidence found to support anti-HIV activity also shows anti-cancer activity too.

    The following plants/herbs/spices are readily available and would not only benefit people that are HIV positive but could be used within any diet/regime for general and specific health issues. It is not suggested that you take it upon yourself to incorporate any of the following before seeking advice/approval from your GP / Nurse / or nutritionist (especially if you are on any medication as certain plants have been known to interfere or react with meds). Some of the studies carried out have been done so via test tube so it is unclear how reactive the plant is in the human body.

    If you are considering discussing the possibility of incorporating supplements with a professional, then it’s best to ensure you initially bring it back to basics and ensure you have a healthy diet and are eating the right foods for your body. Spirulina and pomegranates will do nothing for you if you’re a chicken nugget and chocolate fiend.

    Herbalists can help treat a huge range of health issues; immune system issues, allergies, autoimmune conditions, energy, stamina, fatigue, emotional health, hormonal health, fertility, digestion, nutrition, skin, heart & circulation, and joints & bones. To find a herbalist near you, click here.

    MANGOSTEEN

    (Queen of the tropical fruits) Historically used in folk medicine, this fruit is thought to have come from South East Asia. The entire fruit (rind, flesh, leaves, bark) contain Xanthones, which have; anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, anti-tumor, antibacterial, and antifungal properties, to name a few. A study which took place showed that xanthone mangostin, derived from the mangosteen inhibited the replication cycle of HIV. (SOURCEhttp://www.gayprideband.com/Mangosteen%20Studies%20PDF.pdf

    BITTER MELON (wild cucumber)

    An unusual vegetable-fruit used as a healing aid for intestinal or stomach disorders (ulcers, colitis, constipation, worms). Bitter melon has also proved successful for people suffering with; psoriasis, liver disease, kidney stones, and diabetes. MAP-30, a plant protein within the veggie-fruit has been found to fight against the HIV virus. (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7665070

    HYSSOP

    In Greek, this word means ‘Holy Herb’. In fact, it is so holy it’s mentioned ten times in the Old Testament, being used to purify sacred areas and cleanse leprosy sufferers. Hyssop is an immune system strengthener and blood nourisher. The crude extracts of dried out Hyssop Officinalis leaves showed potent antiviral qualities and anti-HIV activity. (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7665070)

    OLIVE LEAF EXTRACTION

    Olive leaf is simply the leaves from an olive tree. With an antioxidant level doubling that of green tea extract, and 400% higher than vitamin C, no wonder the olive tree was referred to as “the tree of life” in the Bible. The real treasure within the extract lies within its Oleuropein, that contains; anti-fungal, antibacterial, and antiviral properties. The extract is used for blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease, ulcers, diabetes, cancer, HIV, and much more. Studies found that the Oleuropein prevents acute infection and replication of the HIV virus.

    (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12878215
    BLACK SEED EXTRACT (Nigella Sativa)
    I recognised this immediately as an avid Nigella Lawson fan, she uses these seeds in one of her recipes. The seed has been used in medicines for thousands of years and was also reported to have been found in King Tut’s tomb. Used to encourage healing headaches, toothaches, digestive issues, haemorrhoids, respitorary issues, lowering blood pressure, treating cancer, and boosting the immune system. I read somewhere that the only thing black seeds cannot cure is death.
    Interestingly, one of the studies that were carried out on an HIV patient induced a sero-reversion (tested negative for HIV), and remained at healthy CD4 counts 24 months after the experiment.(SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24311845

    SPIRULINA

    For some reason, I don’t have the capacity to say this word correctly the first time I go to say it. Spirulina is a high-protein “super food” which is formed from a blue-green alga. Rich in vitamins; A, B1, B6, B12, C, along with proteins and minerals. Spirulina has been found to inhibit the replication of HIV in the blood. Available in most health food stores, I have personally started to incorporate this into my diet.

    (SOURCE:http://journals.lww.com/jaids/Abstract/1998/05010/Inhibition_of_HIV_1_Replication_by_an_Aqueous.2.aspx

    NEEM LEAF EXTRACT

    The neem plant is native to India and it’s surrounding regions. The entire plant can be used in medicine and has been done so, especially within traditional medicines such as Ayurveda, to treat malaria, cancer, skin diseases, and diabetes to name a few. With research into it’s benefits to people with HIV, the results concluded a significant influence on CD4 cells.

    (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17667213

    LICORICE

    No introduction necessary. Personally, I cannot stand the stuff! However, as a supplement for someone with HIV, it could potentially slow the activation of any dormant immune cells, which would prevent the virus from replicating within the blood. Liquorice root contains the compound glycyrrhizin, which is the part that helps prevent replication. Liquorice root is also full of many anti-depressant qualities and could be used as an alternative to St. John’s Wort. Large quantities are not advised (no more than 7g a day) as it may have implications with testosterone in the body.

    (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12679601

    SUMAC (Rhus chinensis)

    Sumac fruits are ground into a red powder, used widely to spice dishes in the Middle East. It has a lemony flavour to it and is often used in hummus. Research has shown that compounds within sumac have anti-HIV activity and would be a useful medicinal plant for HIV patients. Sumac is also a wonderful antioxidant.

    (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16368204

    SCHISANDRA

    From East Asia, this “five flavour fruit”, would traditionally be used in Chinese medicine to fight infection, help sufferers of insomnia, and promote healthy skin. Schisandra contains anti-aging properties and has also been used to normalise blood sugar/pressure, whilst boosting your immune system. The fruit has had great results for treating liver disease/hepatitis. China developed a liver-protecting drug titled DBD which is made from compounds within the fruit. The fruit contains lingnans, and it is these that have demonstrated anti-HIV virus activity.

    (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19413342

    ROOIBOS LEAVES (redbush)

    I love this tea. I probably drink about 10 cups a day. A study shows a polysaccharide within rooibois leaves has strong anti-HIV properties. They concluded the polysaccharide plays a big part in the mechanism for the virus binding itself to T Cells, and the prevention of that. It is unclear whether this can be achieved by just drinking the tea, however. On the plus side the polyphenols within the tea help to ease headaches, allergies, bone weakness, asthma, eczema, stomach cramps, and also boost your immune system!

    (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9058964

    ELDERBERRY

    Massive antioxidant qualities within the elderberry. Its juice was actually used to combat a flu epidemic in Panama, 1995. Elderberries help the immune system’s response to when it is under attack or low and is also rich in vitamins A,B,C. The experiment that took place showed that flavanoid compounds in elderberries blocked HIV-1 entry.

    (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19641233

    ASTRAGALUS

    The root of this herb is used to treat anaemia, kidney disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, allergies and HIV. Researchers claim that the herb increases the T-cell count within the body, making this a good immunity booster. Herbalists have used this herb in their medicines for years. Andrew Weil, author of “Spontaneous Healing”- which is an amazing book by the way- has used astragalus with his clients that are HIV positive.

    (SOURCE:http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/hiv_astragalus_telomere_1667_15595.shtml
    Annoyingly, I cannot stand any of the following as they are all type of mushroom. If you are like me, then they are available in tinctures, capsules, and other complexes. But again, consult your doctor first. Certain types of mushroom have had amazing coverage on their antioxidant and health promoting properties. A lot of research has gone into their impact on cancer, along with HIV.

    MAITAKE (the dancing mushroom) Maitake, or “the miracle mushroom” have been eaten in Asia for years. As a medicine, it has been used for in the treatment of cancer, hepatitis, diabetes, high cholesterol and HIV. Polysaccharides and beta glucans within the mushroom aid the immune system and promote T-Cells.

    (SOURCE: http://doctorschar.com/archives/maitake-and-hiv-infection/

    CHAGA

    This mushroom is one of the highest antioxidants in the world. It has also been publicised previously about its health benefits with cancer. Chaga mushrooms have been useful in treating over 40 conditions. For extensive information on the Chaga mushroom read here:http://www.chagamountain.com/health-benefits.html

    REISHI

    You probably won’t ever see this kind of mushroom in a kitchen. They are bitter and hard. In medicine, they like the Chaga mushrooms are an amazing antioxidant and free radical fighter. Reishi mushrooms are also considered to be beneficial to those suffering from cancer, as they may suppress tumour growth. Reishi mushrooms have also been used with respiratory issues, such as asthma, as they appear to have a healing effect on the lungs. (SOURCE:http://www.herbwisdom.com/herb-reishi-mushrooms.html )

    An experiment showed that the reishi mushroom did, in fact, contain compounds that would help inhibit the HIV virus (SOURCE:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22347784 )

    SHIITAKE

    We may recognise this mushroom the most from our love and knowledge of eastern food. This mushroom is a fantastic source of iron. The shiitake has been documented to provide immune support, protection against rheumatoid arthritis (RA), have cardiovascular and anti-cancer benefits, (SOURCEhttp://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?dbid=122&tname=foodspice ) and test tube studies showed that lignins within the shiitake prevented HIV cells from attacking the needed T-cells. (SOURCEhttp://www.fungihealth.com/shiitake-mushroom-against-aids )

    POMEGRANATE

    Obviously, we are going to see a lot of vitamin C in the pomegranate, with that a high level of anti-oxidants, in fact, more so than the almighty acai berry or green tea. Pomegranates do wonders for your skin. Not only can pomegranates help a dry type skin, but they can also help soothe outbreaks on more oily/combo type skin. This vibrant fruit promotes skin regeneration and can help slow the ageing process on our skin. For the rest of our body pomegranates can help; cardiovascular health, bone quality (from the vitamin K), aid digestion, treat anaemia (pomegranates are also high in iron) and have found to contain a property that helps lose weight. Research with pomegranates and cancer has suggested that they could help treat prostate and breast cancer. (source:http://www.med-health.net/Benefits-Of-Pomegranate.html )

    An experiment that took place using pomegranate juice showed that it may help in blocking the HIV virus from binding to T-cells. (SOURCEhttp://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16387698 )

    NATIONAL HIV TESTING WEEK IS 22nd-30th NOVEMBER

  • OPINION | Do We Need To Redefine The Term Marriage To Accommodate Our “Monogaymy”?

    MONOGAMY VS. MONOGAYMY

    Monogamy is not a board game that you used to play at Christmas with the family. Monogamy is not a kind of wood. Monogamy is to practice being with one person only and having sex with that one person only. I know just a handful of gay couples that have a strictly monogamous relationship. Is it old-fashioned or unrealistic to believe you can find happiness in one person?

    The majority of gay couples I know enjoy three-way, utilise Grindr with separate profiles, and indulge in chem-sex parties. It just seems so empty to me. However, these couples are not constantly arguing, striving to be in a different room/postcode from one another- they are very happy. The setup obviously works for them. In fact, it works extremely well as these are the couples that have been together for the longest time, and I am talking up to 20 years.

    For me, an open relationship would not be an option. If a partner even suggested inviting someone else into the bedroom, I would walk away. In a relationship, I want to be my partner’s ultimate, the one and only. Not a supplement, or “just enough”. And I do not share (only child). But, I can’t help feel I am missing out on a big secret, or rather, not quite being able to grasp that the key to a successful long lasting relationship, maybe it being an open one.

    I am single, and for the first time properly in about 11 years. I’m loving it, but I know the novelty will wear off… Perhaps. With the last 3 years being absorbed by absolute time wasters, the next time around, I want to do it properly. Is it bad to say I’m only 28 but am TIRED of dating? I would like the next guy I am with to be the one I end up marrying. Please.

    A lot of these couples that I type of being in open relationships are in fact married / civil partners. If I didn’t understand being in an open relationship with your boyfriend then I certainly am unable to grasp the idea of carrying that through into a marriage. Isn’t the whole essence of marriage to declare your love and devotion to each other? And no one else?

    Perhaps the guidelines, vows etc. of marriage are archaic and out-dated. Marriage is, after all, an extremely traditional concept. Whilst the world, humans, technology, music etc. evolve and grow, what is to say that we cannot rewrite/adapt such things as marriage. Do we need to redefine marriage?

    Gay people have a stigma of being promiscuous with our evident open-relationships, and the club drug sex party scene… I don’t even have to explain, you know we do! With gay rights being pretty much everywhere recently in the news along with gay marriage in particular. Do you think perhaps that in some instances, it may not have been homophobia that sparked people to be against gay marriage, but more that how can we expect a global nod to gay marriage when it would appear to others that a lot of gay couples lack the understanding or are unwilling to abide by what “traditional” marriage stands for?

    Perhaps, we need to take a long hard look at traditional concepts and re-write them according to the times. Perhaps we should not. With ever-evolving guidelines, it would surely ensure abolishment of the idea of tradition altogether. If we redefine terms to match our current normality, then what was normal before this normal? Tradition cannot exist without its contradiction. The task to redefine marriage and monogamy could become complicated as each partnership is different and are likely to have their own mandate when it comes to man dates.

    We are spacious with our sexuality compared to the clearly set span of straight relationships/marriage. Someone said to me recently that straight couples fall casualty to break-ups due to the monogamous regime, and gay partnerships last longer due to the ménage a trois/quatre/cinq/six set up.

    Maybe I have fallen victim to our world encouraging us to put things into categorised boxes and in this instance, I am unable to place where I currently stand and where I want to stand on the idea of someone else being intimate with my partner. What are your views on the subject? Do we need to redefine the term marriage to accommodate our “monogaymy”?

     

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • RECIPE | Gluten & Dairy Free Coconut Muffins

    I encourage you even if you’re able to live a non-restrictive diet, to try these little fluffy cups of coconut gold! My friend was amazed that these are both gluten and dairy free and said it was the best “free from” cake she had ever had. They are delicate and lovely. Get involved!

    These muffins are packed full of coconut which are a good source of; copper, calcium, iron, manganese, magnesium, and zinc. The Koko dairy free alternative that I use is also a great source of calcium and has added vitamin D2, and B12!

     

    Decoration Tip!

    I love using the Parisian company My Little Day (INSERT WEB LINK: http://en.mylittleday.fr/ ) for baking accessories like the cups you can see in the pictures. They also have a fantastic range of straws and other party accessories that bring the je ne sais quoi that the Parisians’ do oh so very well.

     

    Ingredients.

    300ml milk alternative (I used Koko dairy free milk which is made from coconuts to reinforce the coconut flavour here)

    290g gluten-free self raising flour (I used Doves)

    160g desiccated coconut

    130g caster sugar

    2 tsp gluten-free baking powder

    5 tbsp melted butter alternative (I used Pure sunflower spread), melted

    1 tbsp vanilla extract

    ½ tsp salt

    2 eggs

     

    Method.

    Preheat your oven to 180c / 160c (fan) / Gas Mark 4

     

    1. In your mixing bowl pop in your flour, sugar, coconut, baking powder and salt and mix well to combine thoroughly.
    2. In another bowl, whisk up your eggs along with the milk and vanilla extract.
    3. Make a dip or a well in your coconut flour mix, and now pour in your eggy milk.
    4. Stir the ingredients to mix well.
    5. Now add your melted butter into the cake batter and mix well again.
    6. Your cake mix is now ready to be decanted into muffin cases. Don’t overfill them otherwise they will just explode up out of the sides. ¾ full is usually best.
    7. Place in the oven 25 minutes. You can test if your cakes are ready if a skewer comes out clean after being inserted into the centre of one.

     

     

  • COLUMN | You Have Got To Be Kitten Me Meow

    Why am I so obsessed with the cat? Cats in general. My friends are too, and it’s not a cliquey, inside joke thing either. The catalogue and popularity of cat-based videos or pictures on the Internet seems insatiable – I do believe we have all become “advocats”. One Pride, my friends and I discovered that the cat had puked on the kitchen floor, which we somehow turned into a scatty psychotic “whodunnit” game as to who tapped / romanced the cat so hard it vomited a ravishing tuna ragu.

    We later discovered the cat had helped itself to cheesy nachos (comfort eating). But we still had our suspicions about one of the party guests and his cat-loving tendencies. We were even more confused when the cat left us two dead birds on the front door step, which could implicate that there was a third party involved also, a gift for each culprit… I digress lost in my “Memories”. So, when did this obsessive nature with cats for this planet start? What was the catalyst?

    Ancient Egypt regarded cats to be demi-gods, along with one of their Goddesses, Bastet, being depicted in the form of a cat. Bastet was the goddess of protection, love, dance, and music. Perhaps the inspiration for the creator of Dubstep cat? Probably not. When you hear or read about the “Eye of Ra”- Bastet is one of the gods that form the “Eye” as she was regarded as Ra’s defender. Cats were so highly regarded and protected that they were even mummified! Now there’s an idea for The Mummy 6,7, or whatever number they’re on now! Best not give them any ideas actually.

    Over in Greece we have tales by Herodotus that in the event of a household’s cat passing away, the family would shave their eyebrows to signify their loss. I can’t say I’m too surprised about that tradition not catching on. Plus, why would we want to shave off our eyebrows when we can just get the cats face tattooed now instead- Hoorah!

    And, what of the temptress, the beckoning cat of Japan (maneki neko). A talisman believed to attract an abundance of fortune and luck. You’ve all seen them before in oriental food stores and restaurants. On the surface they may strike you to be a tacky garish bit of plastic, but actually they are quite profound. These little talismans come in all shapes and sizes, colours, wearing different outfits etc. Each having its own meaning and purpose from ensuring success in love to keeping evil spirits at bay.

    Looking at our global obsession, I stumbled across a rather sweet old wives’ tale, or fable if you like, from Poland about pussy willow. The story reads of a mother cat crying down by a riverbank where her kittens were drowning as they had chased butterflies into the water. The willow along side the river recognised the mummy cat’s distress and leaned their branches into the water. The kittens clasped onto the willow and were brought to shore safely, and now each springtime the willow sprouts their little fur buds to represent where the kittens once clung. Isn’t that just LOVELY?! Also, fun fact: do you know how you would refer to a group of cats? A clowder of cats. Alternatively you could say a glaring of cats, or my personal favourite, a clutter of cats. Lovely on the tongue- the expression, not the actual cat.

    So let us now catapult back to modern day where we have such likes of “Nyan Cat”, the YouTube sensation that has nearly 110 million views! Hours upon hours of comical cat compilations to the weird and disturbing! “Welcome to Kitty City” is particularly hypnotic. What on earth possessed us to start sticking cats faces through pieces of bread? And “melon cat”? There have been so many viral crazes its unreal, but the latest fad for me really takes the biscuit.

    Cat. Cafés. London’s Lady Dinah’s café, where you can sit for coffee, perhaps a slice of cake- with cats… that are just roaming around you. You might be thinking what a great idea- and I suppose I do too, as all the cats are re-homed cats so it is for a good cause etc. But this café is fully booked until October this year! The city of Melbourne, Australia has recently announced they are also opening their first cat café. Before we know it we’ll be ordering our McDonald’s from a tabby in a cap, “Would you like catnip with that?”. It will be interesting to see which fashion house actually puts a cat on the cat walk first. Irony would suggest Pucci.

    Our feline friends can also be trained to become a “therapy cat”, used to decrease anxiety, level out heart rate, and general companionship. My knowledge of the depth of training is limited, but I doubt they get paws on with a stethoscope or have to study the human mind- I am sure that a nice temperament would ensure flying colours though!

    I personally would say I am a dog-lover; I have to by default as I have 2 via shared custody. However, there is something different about cats that seem to have captivated us for thousands of years. There isn’t one specific thing that you can put your finger on either. They are and have been icons of protection, magick, deities, luck, love, music, humour and companionship. They pretty much tick every box in terms of positive connotations. I read somewhere, “The internet is a lot like ancient Egypt. People write on walls and worship cats”. On that note, I’m off for a catnap. (Sorry).

  • COLUMN | Dating Dilemma

    When embarking on a new relationship, or even trying to throw a bit of glitter back into your existing one, we find ourselves putting forward ideas for activities we may not have thought about doing previously. Have you ever looked back on anything you once did with a significant other and thought, “WTF?!”.

    Perhaps I am a little out of touch with the haze that surrounds you in the beginning of a new relationship. In a moment of excitement, such as the honeymoon phase, deciding what to have for dinner can seem epic and I understand that entirely. I suppose what does not sit comfortably with me are the cliché scenarios that are bound to pop up whilst you first start dating someone.

    You may not believe it, as I have only focused on negatives here, but I would refer to myself as a romantic, and one that enjoys being whisked up in a whirlwind. I am just praying for a bit more originality when the time comes. I certainly have some cards up my sleeve in the waiting line. Do you feel like we need a dating revolution? A re-vamp? Or do you favour the more traditional, predictable routes?

    It is understandable if the activity was already high on your other half’s interest list, and you made a compromise to do something together, but it’s when you find an old photo and think, “who was it that was into croquet?!”. I think it’s particularly interesting that during the honeymoon phase, a time when we share our own interests with one another, it’s often during this time we like the idea of trying something new and hope to both enjoy it, as it can then become our “thing”.

    For instance, one thing that makes me smirk is when we first get together with someone, we may find it a fabulous idea to go and visit a castle in the countryside. Let’s go for a drive in the countryside and walk around a castle. Happy smiley selfies with eroding bricks in the background to follow. Brilliant. I may be a princess but I gave up castles when they finished on the school outing syllabus, aged 9. There are just some things in life that I don’t believe have any benefit to seeing in the flesh over a photograph. Especially where the UK is concerned. A castle’s gift shop is never as grand as you want it to be (other than its prices), and nobody wants a souvenir where that sh** is made ON SITE, and probably went past its use by like yesteryear.

    I suppose you are limited by your location and facilities available in some instances, but what I am trying to understand is surely during a time of prime opportunity of getting to know one another, it’s often that we favour distraction and not attraction. I also have a few problems with some of our more traditional date settings too…

    The Cinema. Alternatively we could just put a film on at home, and not talk to each other for the next two hours without having to leave the house or spend money on transport and a ticket? Am I the only one that finds the cinema the most unromantic thing ever? Specifically for a date. Paying to sit in a room full of strangers, and essentially watch TV with them, whilst not saying a word to the person you’re actually there with. As for the “whole experience”- If it’s a movie we’re watching then I would rather that experience, be without queues, over priced drinks (and it’s not even alcohol) and breathing in other peoples demon popcorn breath.

    Kids at the age of 14 now look about 25 so makes it more annoying when they don’t get asked for I.D and continue to hold the screening hostage to their moronic teenage outbursts. To be fair my friend and I did the same thing at that age when Lord of the Rings first came out. From the moment the movie started playing, we continued to apply minty lip gloss that glared back at the bright screen like beacons and pulled crazy wide mouthed faces every time the screaming horses had a scene.

    Picnic. Even the word aggravates me. Picnic picnic picnic. Blergh. I love the idea of a gorgeous summer’s day and arriving somewhere picturesque, slow motion holding a pastel coloured sun umbrella. My silk shawl sliding down my shoulders as I place the wicker hamper down on the tartan blanket. But no- the basket is fricking heavy… okay so the carrier bags are heavy. There is way too much food and EVERYTHING appears to have been marinated in mayonnaise so will have to be thrown away after more than an hour in the heat. Some form of nature; a dog, bee, baby, etc. is going to ruin the ambience and moment of calm and it’s really stressful even thinking about this right now.

    “Hey bebe, let’s watch the sun-set tonight”. Unless you’re in an amazing part of the world, or it’s a special day, I’m not going to go out my way to book an appointment with something that happens every day. I would find the whole thing far much more romantic if this scenario was organic and the sun just so happened to be setting with wet sand between our toes on the other side of the planet. Personally, I am more of a sun-riser kinda guy anyway. Maybe now I’m just being a bit difficult.

  • COLUMN | Beware The Man Of Mystery

    Is a man of mystery sexy? Or is there something a little bit more sinister going on behind his smoky allure? You may ask or question if mystery is still even achievable with pretty much our life stories being available via a bit of Google and Facebook detective work. But the kind of mystery that I am typing about is that which belongs to a person who face-to-face only gives you glimpses into their soul and small pieces of a puzzle. You may never get all the pieces of the puzzle, and if you do, the final picture will look like a poor man’s Picasso.

    Beware the man of mystery. Mr. Mysterious may strike you as intriguing, challenging, perhaps described by others as a tough nut to crack. So if you find that you are beginning to lose yourself in his eyes, and are interested in knowing more about him, then just be careful how much of yourself you are trading in return for their portion regulated control. Every piece of information divulged is surely to be orchestrated and rehearsed. A man who feels at home basking in the air of others uncertainty and gets off on thinking about you thinking about him, is usually the dullest person you will ever encounter. I’m sure that description has just brought someone you know, or have known, forward in your mind.

    Mystery is not to be confused with one being shy either. A shy guy will seem socially uncomfortable, perhaps not overly keen on too much eye contact etc. Mr Mysterious, will be quite comfortable in kicking back and resting his feet waiting for you to flock and delve into a conversation with him. Mr Mysterious will maintain eye contact and control any silence in conversation making your brain do the overtime and make you do all the effort. Essentially he cannot be bothered and is used to having things and people served to him on a platter for his perusal.

    Mystery is created, because they don’t actually know who they are or have a lot to say about themselves. They are more likely to speak about the present and what is happening in the now. When speaking about the future it is usually sprayed with a rainbow neon finish creating an exciting, colourful, and idyllic end goal. The past is glazed over like it never even happened and you’re likely to only ever see pinholes of childhood and “previous life”. This allows you to imagine, create, fantasise about who they could be, which immediately makes them seem more interesting than what they actually are.

    This man may appear emotionally like a broken bird. Do NOT feed the birds. It is you who will end up broken in your quest to fix them, should your nature be of the “fixing” kind, like mine. Although I am sure you had already come to the conclusion that I speak here from personal experience.

    The idea of mystery sounds great to begin with, and has always been bigged up by romantics; mysterious eyes, tall / dark / handsome etc. What even are mysterious eyes? What would they look like? To define mysterious in the dictionary, it reads; “difficult or impossible to understand, explain, or identify”. So it would seem that the word mysterious may be used in place of a more creative description that escapes the person paying the “compliment”. Not so sassy. I will literally puke or punch if I’m told I have mysterious eyes. Alternatively, awkwardly challenge them on their choice of words. It’s unlike me to not just sit back and lap up a “compliment”- but for me this expression is an absolute compliment / conversational sin.

    Perhaps we perceive mysterious eyes as an attractive attribute, as eyes are commonly linked to the soul, and if they are perceived as mysterious – then it means we are protected, and hidden away from open fire. In our open book society, we may tend to latch onto anything that would suggest we are akin to an enigma or the unknown.

    In reality all mystery is, is withheld simple, straightforward information that isn’t very significant at all if it were to be said normally. But the fact that you cannot get to the information makes it seem much bigger than what it really is. When simple information isn’t shared with us we then start to build a complex about what other information may be withheld, which does not set a great footprint for the beginning of any friendship or relationship.

    I suppose I personally am at a time in my life where I want life to be as straightforward as it possibly can be. I do want to settle down, and have adopted a zero-tolerance regime when it comes to a time waster. The problem I have with “mysterious men” is that there is never really a commitment from that person. They keep their options open just in case something better comes their way but will use you to their advantage in the run up to the inevitable demise. By never revealing themselves wholly they remain guarded and detached.

    And actually, I no longer have the time to try and crack these tough nuts, it is boring. You either want to share that information and yourself with me, or you do not. The great Oscar Wilde once said, “the true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible”. Life can actually be very simple if we allow it to be. This is why Mr Mysterious, is not for me.

  • OPINION: Slam Is The New Snort

    Drug plateaus seem to be getting higher and higher, drug users are striving for the next level of euphoria. Taking shots of paint stripper in one room and slamming (injecting) meow (Mephedrone) in the next.

    Slammers are the black belt of drug users and are usually sneaky, solo, or in a syndicate when using. However, recently I have noticed a change in that people who inject find the practice quite normal and on occasion have even peacocked the process in front of others at house parties.

     

    Back at the Doll House (my debauchery den, aka Home). I allowed (very polite of them to ask in the first place) someone at a party to inject heroin on the condition that I could watch.

     

    Is that sick?

     

    Probably.

     

    My agreement only came from a selfish scheme to see it for the first time up close. I had such a fascination with the process, definitely an intrigue- But I knew with my existing addictions at the time, that really would have been the end of me.

     

    Friends or people that I know who have tried slamming have not been able to get the same rush from the things they were able to once before (snorting etc). One even saying that after injecting meow, there had been a pandora’s box after-effect of wanting to smash and grab any substance that was available to them when on the mission of destination trash.

     

    Perhaps Pandora’s box is too glamorous a term in this instance. Can of worms is probably more appropriate. On the subject of glamour, where do you see any in that tourniquet between your teeth tightening its grip to summon a juicy vein? (A slammer once told me I had beautiful veins… sorry what?). Where is the attraction of bruised and sliced arms that conjures others concern until you falsely blame your vicious bitchy cat, or that notorious door?

     

    It put me right off my special K breakfast watching someone’s skin literally crawling and quivering like something out of a sci-fi horror as they were coming up after injecting meow.

     

    They proceeded to be vacant for the next hour or so. We watched him in horror praying that we wouldn’t all of a sudden come out of a K-hole and realise we had in fact been staring at our reflections all along. Someone that slams, or anyone for that matter may ask me, how can you be so critical when you have never tried it? My immediate answer would be “I do not want to die”. What I’m really saying is, “I am a drug snob”. Both are not really valid answers. Drug users, especially those with dependence are delusional about death. Thinking it won’t happen to them because they use responsibly, or they have done the research on statistics and actually it’s alcohol that kills more people per year- anything they can scrounge to justify a few more weekends, months, years of partying. I was (somehow) able to justify continuing snorting shortly after coming to from passing out and hyperventilating. I have spent far too much time attempting to justify my drug use. I was actually really shocked when I was told / witnessed people injecting meow at parties. I just didn’t see the point in it. If the gay scene didn’t have a bad enough drug reputation with the likes of GHB, it certainly will soon with the injection of meow, and in some instances, heroin. GHB (after taking too much) and injecting substances both have really anti-social effects. You may as well be in a room on your own.

    The BBC published a story recently on Brighton & Hove potentially soon to create drug-use room facilities(“shooting galleries”), where trained health workers observe and monitor the user during the process, which proves the severity of the city’s problem if we are the pilot.

     

    Did you know that the average age now for someone to try heroin is 21?! The World Health Organisation has also stated on average, injecting drugs causes one out of every ten new HIV infections.

     

    I suppose my concern is that if we are becoming familiar with injecting drugs such as meow, and for young adults to enter the club / party / after party scenes and seeing this going on around them, this will become another part of our and their normality. Your defences are down under the influence of alcohol or drugs, and I will openly say that when slamming has been going on around me, my finger has hovered above the “f**k it” button.

     

    However some people may not have the fortunate outcome that I did, and they could end up hitting that button and injecting. And if you’ve already injected meow then why the hell not have a go at heroin?

     

    Recreational / regular users may have boundaries of where they would and wouldn’t go with drugs, but those can easily become open to question (or justified).

     

    June 26th is “World Drug Day” – A day dedicated to raising awareness of the global drug problem and illicit trafficking. This world will never be free of drugs, but what we can welcome is knowledge, and strength to keep it out of our social circles- with our next generation in mind. I would certainly not allow someone to inject in my home ever again and am annoyed at myself for allowing that to happen in the first place. I am all for these drug-use rooms Brighton & Hove may be installed as they are aiming to keep injecting separate, off the streets, and out of sight from others.

     

    Unfortunately, it’s likely that most reading this will have known or known of someone that has died through drugs- I will be remembering those that I have known on June 26th.

     

    If you’re affected by the subject of this article you can call the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard on 0300 330 0630 or visit Frank

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | I’ve Got Love On My Grind

    Sexual awakening in your youth shortly leads to identifying what qualities or traits you might like to see in a future partner.

    Around this time I used to revel losing myself fantasising about the man who I would share my life with. I found one of the most exciting and intriguing scenarios to play out in my wild and at the time, innocent mind, was the moment where you meet your life partner.

    Albeit idyllic and far-fetched, it was almost euphoric to entertain the idea of meeting the special someone in a sickly sweet situation and you both realising that you were born to be together. I blame Meg Ryan & Jennifer Aniston films for the bar being set so very high.

    It was only 10 years ago that meeting, or dating- was so much more organic than what it is now. I remember having that instant sparkle with someone, and he became my partner for the next 6 years. Coming out of that relationship and all of a sudden the way we met new people and love interests had changed with social media exploding, and the introduction of applications like Grindr, Brenda, Tinder etc. I think we can safely say that the blind date is well and truly extinct. Gone is mystery and magic and welcomed is a world of over exposure and bearing all. It all feels and seems so unnecessarily lazy. The other day I was doing some snooping on a guy’s facebook to see what his interests were and found myself making assumptions on him, which is wrong. It’s foolish of me to make an assumption without truly getting to know the person (or even before meeting them), but it’s also foolish to assume that someone’s profile is an accurate reflection of who that person really is.

    We can paint whatever picture we like with our ability to edit what’s presented on screen. We are more likely to try and convey the person we would like to or aspire to be, rather than who we are today.

    Even in bars and clubs we resort to our handy applications to see who is around, what “tribe” they belong to? (WTF). On the plus side, this does offer the opportunity to someone that lacks confidence to reach out to someone that they may have not approached at all without this at their fingertips. Rejection used to more often take its form in awkward shimmying away on the dance floor, or in that moment where you’re just about to present your pearly white smile and their eyes disengage and look somewhere else- these scenarios could have then transformed into a comical story shared amongst your friends, perhaps. Now you know you’ve been rejected when their profile no longer shows up on your app- no one wants to know about that. Yawn.

    Grindr was launched 5 years ago in March 2009. I came across an online forum where people had first discovered the app and were writing posts about their intrigue but also fear over whether the app was safe, based on its geographical social nature. So, where do we go from here? Because there will be another level, there always is. I wonder if it may look something like us all walking around with Google Glass, and instead of us having to consciously / physically send a message to someone- Google Glass will do the match making recognising face and body types we like (and also blocking where necessary), initiate conversations, and before we know it Google has booked us a table on Friday at a restaurant that we’ve both liked and visited before, AND put a reminder in our calendar for us.

    The technological trends unfolding in front of us are relentless, and constantly changing our “normality”. I fear for a future where the only connection we know of, experience, and care about, may be our wi-fi.