OPINION | Do We Need To Redefine The Term Marriage To Accommodate Our “Monogaymy”?17th August 2014
MONOGAMY VS. MONOGAYMY
Monogamy is not a board game that you used to play at Christmas with the family. Monogamy is not a kind of wood. Monogamy is to practice being with one person only and having sex with that one person only. I know just a handful of gay couples that have a strictly monogamous relationship. Is it old-fashioned or unrealistic to believe you can find happiness in one person?
The majority of gay couples I know enjoy three-way, utilise Grindr with separate profiles, and indulge in chem-sex parties. It just seems so empty to me. However, these couples are not constantly arguing, striving to be in a different room/postcode from one another- they are very happy. The setup obviously works for them. In fact, it works extremely well as these are the couples that have been together for the longest time, and I am talking up to 20 years.
For me, an open relationship would not be an option. If a partner even suggested inviting someone else into the bedroom, I would walk away. In a relationship, I want to be my partner’s ultimate, the one and only. Not a supplement, or “just enough”. And I do not share (only child). But, I can’t help feel I am missing out on a big secret, or rather, not quite being able to grasp that the key to a successful long lasting relationship, maybe it being an open one.
I am single, and for the first time properly in about 11 years. I’m loving it, but I know the novelty will wear off… Perhaps. With the last 3 years being absorbed by absolute time wasters, the next time around, I want to do it properly. Is it bad to say I’m only 28 but am TIRED of dating? I would like the next guy I am with to be the one I end up marrying. Please.
A lot of these couples that I type of being in open relationships are in fact married / civil partners. If I didn’t understand being in an open relationship with your boyfriend then I certainly am unable to grasp the idea of carrying that through into a marriage. Isn’t the whole essence of marriage to declare your love and devotion to each other? And no one else?
Perhaps the guidelines, vows etc. of marriage are archaic and out-dated. Marriage is, after all, an extremely traditional concept. Whilst the world, humans, technology, music etc. evolve and grow, what is to say that we cannot rewrite/adapt such things as marriage. Do we need to redefine marriage?
Gay people have a stigma of being promiscuous with our evident open-relationships, and the club drug sex party scene… I don’t even have to explain, you know we do! With gay rights being pretty much everywhere recently in the news along with gay marriage in particular. Do you think perhaps that in some instances, it may not have been homophobia that sparked people to be against gay marriage, but more that how can we expect a global nod to gay marriage when it would appear to others that a lot of gay couples lack the understanding or are unwilling to abide by what “traditional” marriage stands for?
Perhaps, we need to take a long hard look at traditional concepts and re-write them according to the times. Perhaps we should not. With ever-evolving guidelines, it would surely ensure abolishment of the idea of tradition altogether. If we redefine terms to match our current normality, then what was normal before this normal? Tradition cannot exist without its contradiction. The task to redefine marriage and monogamy could become complicated as each partnership is different and are likely to have their own mandate when it comes to man dates.
We are spacious with our sexuality compared to the clearly set span of straight relationships/marriage. Someone said to me recently that straight couples fall casualty to break-ups due to the monogamous regime, and gay partnerships last longer due to the ménage a trois/quatre/cinq/six set up.
Maybe I have fallen victim to our world encouraging us to put things into categorised boxes and in this instance, I am unable to place where I currently stand and where I want to stand on the idea of someone else being intimate with my partner. What are your views on the subject? Do we need to redefine the term marriage to accommodate our “monogaymy”?
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Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you'd like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.