★★ | Myki Sand Bar

Archer Street Bar Soho, oddly enough on Archer Street, when mentioned might send an immediate dentist-implement-touching-nerve to your heart. This used to be the bricks and mortar that housed a guaranteed-tug-in-the-toilets bar and felt like throwing-shapes-on-three-week-old-pina-colada dance floor, once known as Barcode Soho. The good old days: still missed by many, we are sure.

What London needed, and of course what this great country needed, was another heterosexual establishment. Archer Street Bar draws a clientele that travels to Ascot by coach, buys their fascinators from Debenhams and still thinks holidaying in Ibiza is cool.

Myki Sand Bar is located on the lower ground floor where the sticky dance floor once resided, and is billed as ‘London’s first beach club bar’ – a pop-up until late 2016. White and blue sails hang from the ceiling, white painted wooden boards, blue cushions, sandbox seating areas and some scattered beach balls – an impersonation of Neptune’s from ITV’s Benidorm.

It would have been quicker to fly to Mykonos and sample an authentic Greek cocktail – the beach boys behind the bar were as quick as a deflating lilo.

Parched, but eager to sample, we started with a Myki’s signature cocktail, Heatwave: Ciroc vodka, peach liqueur, chilli bitters and orgeat served martini-style at £12.50. Peachy with a sand-in-ya-eye chilli twist – worth its weight in budgie-smugglers.

Corporate functions and those who think they are worthy of a ‘VIP booth’ (Myki’s has a few) will like the setup.

Our next tipple, Boys of the Summer: Ciroc pineapple, blood peach puree, lime juice, vanilla topped with Billecart Salmon champagne. It was like drinking breakfast juice – maybe they thought one cocktail was enough for us gays and didn’t add the alcohol. At £14.50 a pop we could have better spent on two bottles of Factor 15 Piz Buin – what a waste.

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If you want sand this summer head to Kent’s Botany Bay or hop on a plane.  If you want over-priced but decent cocktails, head to Ham Yard Hotel or The Blind Pig at The Social Eating House – both in Soho. And if you want to wear a Hawaiian shirt – best not to leave the house.

Myki Sand Bar Opening Hours: Thurs–Sat: 4pm–1am

Private Hire: Monday – Saturday

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Capacity: 220

Archer Street |3-4 Archer Street Soho London W1D 7AP T – 020 7734 3342 www.archerstreet.co.uk

About the author: Thabian Sutherland
I’ve lived in the Old Smoke since 1999 with a career in fashion, fitness and events. I discovered the joys of writing beginning of 2014. Since then I’ve been tapping digits to keys. Subjects include food, theatre, exhibitions, London life and other topics that tickle my taste-buds. Other publications include Timeout, Gay Times and So So Gay Magazine.