THEGAYUK

Category: Comment

  • COLUMN | Mr Nosey

    I have a very bad habit on public transport. I’m incurably nosy and I can’t help peeking over people’s shoulders at what they’re reading, watching or texting. It’s naughty, voyeuristic and an invasion of privacy but oh what a joy it can be.

    Whether it’s spotting the suited businessman who is secretly reading a romantic novel on his Kindle, the surprisingly sexual texts of a middle aged woman or the semi-pornographic and bizarre social media feeds of a teenager; I love the little glimpse it gives me into people’s lives. It’s a bit like the dusky late summer nights when you get a peek into people’s sitting rooms in the magical little hour when people light the lamps just before they draw their curtains. It’s a very guilty pleasure but I confess. I’m guilty as charged. I love to see and imagine what others’ lives are like. I’m not after spying on people naked or spotting people in coitus. I’d be pretty mortified if I did and blush the colour of a pillar-box whilst quickly looking away. I want to see nasty curtains and ornaments, not cocks.

    I got a couple of shocks recently. About a month ago I was on the train into central London and a well-groomed man of about 20 was answering a volley of texts on his phone. I cast a sneaky sideways glance and was pretty horrified to read that he was setting up being the all you can eat buffet for a group of Chinese businessmen in a hotel. The reassuring factor was that the person procuring his services appeared to have arranged it very carefully and was reassuring him that the businessmen would all wait in a separate room and take it turns, forming an orderly queue to make use of his body. I must admit to feeling a bit queasy but reproached myself for my bourgeois small mindedness. He was wearing McQueen (he needed income to maintain that look), looked relaxed and happy and who am I to have qualms about his job just because I wouldn’t do it myself. Although, an orderly queue? I love good manners. Maybe not such a horrific job after all, provided it was a good quality hotel.

    A few weeks ago I was travelling up North and my nosiness caused me a major dilemma. The middle-aged businessman man sitting in front of me was reviewing his selection of photographs on his phone.

    These weren’t happy snaps of his kids or shots of Instagrammed food: they were covert photos of young women’s crotches taken under train tables. After an hour of seeing him from between the seat backs enlarging, changing definitions and compulsively viewing a huge collection of photos of women’s thighs and gussets (all taken under train tables), I made my displeasure known through a series of huffs and tsks that made him stop for a good 5 minutes before resuming his compulsion.

    To cut a long story very short: I managed to make like a cross between Mary Whitehouse and Miss Marple and got his name and company address from his email signature when he sent an email on his laptop and reported him to the police. Being the person I am, I challenged him first and asked if I could take a picture of his cock or not; a question he seemed to object to which was something I found hypocritical in an inveterate vagina snapper.

    He, ultimately, got a police caution, which was great. My point in telling the story? I wonder am I any better than him? I invade privacy by reading texts, looking in people’s houses and I lecherously glance at men’s bulging crotches on public transport. Only yesterday, I couldn’t resist a good look at a muscled man in tight Lycra (he was definitely circumcised). I know people who post pictures of hot men in the street on Facebook for their friends’ to comment on.

    There are whole social media feeds of people’s photos of bare chested young men on Tube trains. It’s no wonder that we can get confused on what is right and wrong any more. Is my grandmother’s favourite 1950’s past time of passing on overheard bits of gossips over the garden fence any different in its intrusive and harmful voyeuristic joy? Is the digital age making us all into a bunch of twisted individuals?

    Maybe we should all think twice about what the boundaries are and what is harmless admiration and what is invasion of privacy. The questions and issues are endless. The big question: will I stop peeking at people’s I-Pads and phones? Of course not.

  • COMMENT | Can We Ever Be Happy With Our Bodies If We Compare Ourselves To Porn Stars?

    COMMENT | Can We Ever Be Happy With Our Bodies If We Compare Ourselves To Porn Stars?

    Why Grandma, What Big Hands You’ve Got

    CREDIT: Bigstock

    Over the last couple of weeks, we have been talking about everyone’s favourite after-dinner topic, porn! Let’s be honest, we’ve all seen porn in one form or another and have all compared ourselves to the very buff, well-endowed actors (while sat drinking tea and being civilized of course…). But where does that constant need to compare ourselves to other people come from? And will we ever be happy with our own bodies enough to not care how buff the ‘other guy’ is?

    Now, I’m going to make this a little personal to me for a while so if I bore you, tough! For those that know me you know that I’m never happy with my body and that I’m rather partial to, shall we say, punch and pie… therefore keeping the body in the shape of an adonis is always going to be an uphill struggle. But who said that male bodies need to have washboard abs? And where can I find this person to rub him up against a few washboards? (And not in a good way!).

    Don’t get me wrong, I like the look of a nice toned healthy body just as much as the next guy, but when does that creep into then comparing yourself to the men you see? We all do it, we see a slimmer, smoother, taller, bulkier guy and suddenly you instantly find yourself admiring what they have and wishing you had it yourself. When actually, you already have most of what just walked past.

    I had a friend, a real friend not “a friend”, who I went to Gran Canaria with for pride. He was tall, slim, dark-haired and reasonably confident. While walking down that main drag before the pride parade started you could clearly see people checking him out and eyeing him up. But could he see it? Definitely not – instead he spent most of his time diverting attention away and complaining about how his body wasn’t as ‘picture perfect’ as some of the other bodies there. Dude, you’re getting attention from some pretty hot guys… buck up your ideas and live in the moment. Shudda, wudda, cudda doesn’t get you where you want to be or enjoying the life that is clearly knocking on your doorstep. Please note I only ever say dude when someone really has a “derrr” moment and needs to be told, one dude to another… promise!

    But we’ve all done it. Dressed differently to hide something we don’t like about our bodies, or gone on a crash diet to get just that little bit slimmer for the summer or our pride holiday.

    Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

    If I were to change my lifestyle to get and maintain a ‘buff’ body would that mean that I would be happy with my self-image and finally be comfortable in my own skin? I don’t think so… Well, not from what I’ve seen. I can say (proudly?) that I have some fit and healthy friends, a couple of whom took the pilgrimage to change their bodies from one shape to another. Now they are in a better shape than before I thought it would stop or become settled into a ‘maintenance’ routine, but apparently not.

    They are now looking at going on to the next level and bulk out further. Dieting and protein shakes seem to have become the new thing and the same old negative self-image is still there. I remember one time for whatever reason they were unable to get to the gym for a day or 2 and all you got from them was a constant worry that they were starting to lose definition and therefore confidence.

    You could see the confidence literally disappear from his eyes as the evening went on and he talked himself more and more into a belief that no one would speak to him because his six-pack had receded less than a centimetre. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, but at the same time also see some of myself in that. One thing out of place or body being bloated and you do fix on it and think that it’s something to be ashamed of.

    Lately, I will admit that being in a long term relationship meant that I did get quite close to being ‘happy’ in my own body – not completely however, but just enough to not worry about what I wore or spend ages in a gym just to burn off less fat than that in a rich tea biscuit. But that also meant that I became lazy, unhealthy and I’ll even admit it, overweight. I’m not ashamed of that, but I do now look at myself and think “bloody hell boy, you’ve let yourself go”. Instantly I go straight into a self-body hating mode and get back into the old regimes. But already I’m starting to feel healthier and a little happier in myself; so surely self-improvement can be a good thing?

    Before we go down this path, mother if you’re reading this, avert your eyes or even better go and make yourself a cup of tea – go on!

    Now, you’re all thinking it – this doesn’t just apply to bodies, we also do it with cock size (and don’t say you don’t because you do, I’m yet to meet someone that hasn’t at some point in their life, even when drunk). Bigger is better apparently, again who decided this I have no idea. Personally, bigger is not better as bigger means the more you’re expected to fit up there… (Although not me, 100% top… sorry boys!).

    So why is bigger so much better? Why do we always feel like we are smaller than everyone else when in fact, actually, we are a decent size and can have ‘fun’ without the need to outsize Dumbo? A lot of people blame the porn industry, and I have to admit after just doing a basic search online, I would have to agree with that. Out of the 10 videos I found online all of them had actors that were well above the national average (and 9 of the 10 bareback I might add, but that’s a separate issue). They all looked like they could last for hours and they all gave rather loud (and kind of convincing) orgasms which could only lead the viewer to believe that big penises lead to better orgasms. It’s at this point I rely on the bottoms out there to agree with me here that that is utter rubbish.

    Personally, I take the opinion with penis size that so long as we can do something with it then who cares what the measurement is? I’m not looking to quote you for a suit, or take it on Ryanair as hand luggage so who cares what the size is? Am I alone in that thinking? And I am only saying that because I’ve not blessed in either of the extreme size categories? Is that a mindset that can ever be achieved in gay men when we are bombarded with ‘shlong’ porn and a culture of ‘bigger is better’? I think I saw a video on a ‘popular dating site’ once that even had someone shove a cone up their bum – how can anyone compete with that?

    A few years ago I was asked if I wanted to partake in porn (I think we all have at some point) but I genuinely believed at the time that I wouldn’t be ‘fit’ enough for porn. Those guys are built, smooth and hung like a whale; three things of which I was not. So naturally, I turned it down, but not because of moral grounds but because I deemed myself unworthy of porn? I look back now and think, what on earth was I thinking?

    I keep bringing this back to me, in many ways this is deliberate and I make no apology for it as body image is a very personal thing. We, the outside world, can spot trends in behaviours but we all have our unique individual reasons for why we want to change our bodies or don’t feel confident in them. For some, it can be a deeply personal and a painful motivator, for others a fad or peer pressure or even just a way of life and nothing any deeper than that. All I’ll say is that next time you look in the mirror and see something that you don’t like, ask yourself is it you that doesn’t like it or is it your opinion that others don’t like it, therefore, you don’t like it?

    If it’s the latter, just explore that thought and see where it leads… who knows you might find something out about yourself.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Theory: What causes the loss of CD4 T cells in people infected with HIV?

    A Theory for HIV infection: What causes the loss of CD4 T cells in people infected with HIV?

    HIV infection causes dysfunction and destruction of CD4 T cells that, without antiretroviral therapy (ART: a cocktail of drugs that interrupts the HIV life cycle), result in AIDS and eventual death within 7 to 10 years).
    Scientists believe that most CD4 T cells die, not because of direct infection by HIV of these cells, but through a process called inflammation, by which immune cells secrete toxic molecules to get rid of the virus.

    However, the logic behind how inflammation causes cell death has been a mystery for decades.

    But now, research conducted by scientists at the Burnet Institute in Melbourne, Australia, and published in the premiere HIV/AIDS Journal, AIDS in 2014, shows for the first time that HIV infection not only disturbs the functions of CD4 T cells but affects how these cells use energy (1). The team, led by chief investigator Dr Clovis Palmer, proposed a new model of how CD4 T cells are destroyed in people infected with HIV.

    In healthy persons, immune cells such as CD4 T cells take up low levels of glucose through a protein known as Glucose transporter 1 (Glut1). By a series of steps the glucose is broken down to produce pockets of energy called adenosine triphosphate (ATP) to maintain the general wellbeing of the cells

    The Burnet team showed that the Glucose transporter (Glut1) level is increased on CD4 T cells in people infected with HIV, and that this causes more glucose to enter the cells. This is a survival mechanism because the CD4 T cells need more energy to divide and manufacture antiviral and inflammatory molecules to fight the infection. This is what is called CD4 T cell activation or immune activation.
    In this activated state, instead of breaking down glucose to form energy pockets (ATP), glucose is broken down into a substance called lactic acid through a process called aerobic glycolysis. Glycolysis is only moderately efficient in energy production and, as a result, the CD4 T cells die of exhaustion. The researchers called this process ‘metabolic exhaustion’

    Dr Palmer believes that this finding could lead to new drugs that delay the start of anti-retroviral therapy and will strengthen the immune systems of HIV-positive people.

    Healthy adults have between 600 to 1,200 CD4 T cells in their blood but up to 30 percent of HIV infected adults have a CD4 cell count consistently less than 350, well below the normal range despite being on ART and having undetectable viral load. The team showed that glycolysis remains elevated in CD4 T cells from these persons and that this could explain why they are unable to reconstitute their normal CD4 T cell levels. These low levels of CD4 T cells put HIV-positive people on ART at higher risk of cardiovascular disease, liver disease, kidney failure and other life-threatening diseases.

    The results from this study suggest that CD4 T cells in HIV infected people cannot replenish themselves because they exhaust their energy reserves through their high metabolic activity. What’s exciting about this is a very real scenario where, by returning metabolic activity to normal, these cells could be re-energised to fight the infection by themselves.

    Dr Clovis Palmer heads the immunometabolism group at the world renowned Burnet Institute of Medical Research in Melbourne, Australia. Dr Palmer is a reviewer for several top-ranked international journals including Hepatology, AIDS and Antioxidants and Redox Signalling. He is the chief scientific editor for Natural Immunity-Health, Australia (www.naturalimmunity.com.au).

    by Doctor Clovis Palmer

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | You Have Got To Be Kitten Me Meow

    Why am I so obsessed with the cat? Cats in general. My friends are too, and it’s not a cliquey, inside joke thing either. The catalogue and popularity of cat-based videos or pictures on the Internet seems insatiable – I do believe we have all become “advocats”. One Pride, my friends and I discovered that the cat had puked on the kitchen floor, which we somehow turned into a scatty psychotic “whodunnit” game as to who tapped / romanced the cat so hard it vomited a ravishing tuna ragu.

    We later discovered the cat had helped itself to cheesy nachos (comfort eating). But we still had our suspicions about one of the party guests and his cat-loving tendencies. We were even more confused when the cat left us two dead birds on the front door step, which could implicate that there was a third party involved also, a gift for each culprit… I digress lost in my “Memories”. So, when did this obsessive nature with cats for this planet start? What was the catalyst?

    Ancient Egypt regarded cats to be demi-gods, along with one of their Goddesses, Bastet, being depicted in the form of a cat. Bastet was the goddess of protection, love, dance, and music. Perhaps the inspiration for the creator of Dubstep cat? Probably not. When you hear or read about the “Eye of Ra”- Bastet is one of the gods that form the “Eye” as she was regarded as Ra’s defender. Cats were so highly regarded and protected that they were even mummified! Now there’s an idea for The Mummy 6,7, or whatever number they’re on now! Best not give them any ideas actually.

    Over in Greece we have tales by Herodotus that in the event of a household’s cat passing away, the family would shave their eyebrows to signify their loss. I can’t say I’m too surprised about that tradition not catching on. Plus, why would we want to shave off our eyebrows when we can just get the cats face tattooed now instead- Hoorah!

    And, what of the temptress, the beckoning cat of Japan (maneki neko). A talisman believed to attract an abundance of fortune and luck. You’ve all seen them before in oriental food stores and restaurants. On the surface they may strike you to be a tacky garish bit of plastic, but actually they are quite profound. These little talismans come in all shapes and sizes, colours, wearing different outfits etc. Each having its own meaning and purpose from ensuring success in love to keeping evil spirits at bay.

    Looking at our global obsession, I stumbled across a rather sweet old wives’ tale, or fable if you like, from Poland about pussy willow. The story reads of a mother cat crying down by a riverbank where her kittens were drowning as they had chased butterflies into the water. The willow along side the river recognised the mummy cat’s distress and leaned their branches into the water. The kittens clasped onto the willow and were brought to shore safely, and now each springtime the willow sprouts their little fur buds to represent where the kittens once clung. Isn’t that just LOVELY?! Also, fun fact: do you know how you would refer to a group of cats? A clowder of cats. Alternatively you could say a glaring of cats, or my personal favourite, a clutter of cats. Lovely on the tongue- the expression, not the actual cat.

    So let us now catapult back to modern day where we have such likes of “Nyan Cat”, the YouTube sensation that has nearly 110 million views! Hours upon hours of comical cat compilations to the weird and disturbing! “Welcome to Kitty City” is particularly hypnotic. What on earth possessed us to start sticking cats faces through pieces of bread? And “melon cat”? There have been so many viral crazes its unreal, but the latest fad for me really takes the biscuit.

    Cat. Cafés. London’s Lady Dinah’s café, where you can sit for coffee, perhaps a slice of cake- with cats… that are just roaming around you. You might be thinking what a great idea- and I suppose I do too, as all the cats are re-homed cats so it is for a good cause etc. But this café is fully booked until October this year! The city of Melbourne, Australia has recently announced they are also opening their first cat café. Before we know it we’ll be ordering our McDonald’s from a tabby in a cap, “Would you like catnip with that?”. It will be interesting to see which fashion house actually puts a cat on the cat walk first. Irony would suggest Pucci.

    Our feline friends can also be trained to become a “therapy cat”, used to decrease anxiety, level out heart rate, and general companionship. My knowledge of the depth of training is limited, but I doubt they get paws on with a stethoscope or have to study the human mind- I am sure that a nice temperament would ensure flying colours though!

    I personally would say I am a dog-lover; I have to by default as I have 2 via shared custody. However, there is something different about cats that seem to have captivated us for thousands of years. There isn’t one specific thing that you can put your finger on either. They are and have been icons of protection, magick, deities, luck, love, music, humour and companionship. They pretty much tick every box in terms of positive connotations. I read somewhere, “The internet is a lot like ancient Egypt. People write on walls and worship cats”. On that note, I’m off for a catnap. (Sorry).

  • OPINION | Why the EU is important for the LGBT Community

    With the rise of extremist parties in the UK and the challenges that face conventional political parties, one of the most contentious battles is over membership of the European Union. The United Kingdom became a member of the EU on the first of January 1973, and have since enjoyed the privileges of a single internal market, a standardised system of laws that apply in all member states and of course human rights.

    But why is the EU so important to the LGBT community?

    LGBT rights are protected under a range of EU treaties and laws that decriminalises homosexuality across all member states. But more than this under EU law there are provisions that combat discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation, which have been legally binding across Europe since the 1990s. The EU had single-handedly managed to create a framework for equal treatment in employment and occupation for our community.

    In practice, the law protects every person who identifies with the LGBT from being discriminated against in the work place. This includes refusal of a job, being dismissed and even harassment during work.

    But this is not all the EU has done for our community. In 2009, Lithuania was a battleground of gay rights and abuse. The European Commission made it a point to tone down the homophobic language and abused used freely in the country and even went as far to support the gay pride parade under threat of banning.

    Since then the Council of the European Union have created a binding guideline that instructs EU diplomats around the world to defend the rights of the LGBT community. This is a global effort on behalf of the EU to protect the rights we have fought so hard to gain.

    The legalisation of same-sex marriage in the UK has also been strongly influenced by the EU. Although the EU does allow some level of discretion in the implementation of the EU wide laws, some countries have abused this discretion to prevent same sex marriage. However the views of the EU are clear. It can be seen through the case law of the EU Court of Justice that same sex partners must be treated the same as those who are married.

    The EU has ensured that Europe is most progressive continent in the world for recognising LGBT rights. Legalising same sex activity, marriage and slowly the right for couples to adopt. As well as providing a frame work of anti discrimination laws in the work place and allowing gays to openly serve in the military.

    There is no doubt that the EU has made the world a safer and more accepting place for us. If the UK were to remove its self from the EU then it would also remove all EU wide law that protects our rights. Although we would have domestic law that to some extent offers similar protection, membership to the EU provides safeguards that force even the government to protect our rights.

    No matter your views or opinion on the EU, we can all agree that they have significantly contributed to the protection of our community and without their support, it is highly unlikely that we would have come as far as we have in the struggle for equality.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Dating Dilemma

    When embarking on a new relationship, or even trying to throw a bit of glitter back into your existing one, we find ourselves putting forward ideas for activities we may not have thought about doing previously. Have you ever looked back on anything you once did with a significant other and thought, “WTF?!”.

    Perhaps I am a little out of touch with the haze that surrounds you in the beginning of a new relationship. In a moment of excitement, such as the honeymoon phase, deciding what to have for dinner can seem epic and I understand that entirely. I suppose what does not sit comfortably with me are the cliché scenarios that are bound to pop up whilst you first start dating someone.

    You may not believe it, as I have only focused on negatives here, but I would refer to myself as a romantic, and one that enjoys being whisked up in a whirlwind. I am just praying for a bit more originality when the time comes. I certainly have some cards up my sleeve in the waiting line. Do you feel like we need a dating revolution? A re-vamp? Or do you favour the more traditional, predictable routes?

    It is understandable if the activity was already high on your other half’s interest list, and you made a compromise to do something together, but it’s when you find an old photo and think, “who was it that was into croquet?!”. I think it’s particularly interesting that during the honeymoon phase, a time when we share our own interests with one another, it’s often during this time we like the idea of trying something new and hope to both enjoy it, as it can then become our “thing”.

    For instance, one thing that makes me smirk is when we first get together with someone, we may find it a fabulous idea to go and visit a castle in the countryside. Let’s go for a drive in the countryside and walk around a castle. Happy smiley selfies with eroding bricks in the background to follow. Brilliant. I may be a princess but I gave up castles when they finished on the school outing syllabus, aged 9. There are just some things in life that I don’t believe have any benefit to seeing in the flesh over a photograph. Especially where the UK is concerned. A castle’s gift shop is never as grand as you want it to be (other than its prices), and nobody wants a souvenir where that sh** is made ON SITE, and probably went past its use by like yesteryear.

    I suppose you are limited by your location and facilities available in some instances, but what I am trying to understand is surely during a time of prime opportunity of getting to know one another, it’s often that we favour distraction and not attraction. I also have a few problems with some of our more traditional date settings too…

    The Cinema. Alternatively we could just put a film on at home, and not talk to each other for the next two hours without having to leave the house or spend money on transport and a ticket? Am I the only one that finds the cinema the most unromantic thing ever? Specifically for a date. Paying to sit in a room full of strangers, and essentially watch TV with them, whilst not saying a word to the person you’re actually there with. As for the “whole experience”- If it’s a movie we’re watching then I would rather that experience, be without queues, over priced drinks (and it’s not even alcohol) and breathing in other peoples demon popcorn breath.

    Kids at the age of 14 now look about 25 so makes it more annoying when they don’t get asked for I.D and continue to hold the screening hostage to their moronic teenage outbursts. To be fair my friend and I did the same thing at that age when Lord of the Rings first came out. From the moment the movie started playing, we continued to apply minty lip gloss that glared back at the bright screen like beacons and pulled crazy wide mouthed faces every time the screaming horses had a scene.

    Picnic. Even the word aggravates me. Picnic picnic picnic. Blergh. I love the idea of a gorgeous summer’s day and arriving somewhere picturesque, slow motion holding a pastel coloured sun umbrella. My silk shawl sliding down my shoulders as I place the wicker hamper down on the tartan blanket. But no- the basket is fricking heavy… okay so the carrier bags are heavy. There is way too much food and EVERYTHING appears to have been marinated in mayonnaise so will have to be thrown away after more than an hour in the heat. Some form of nature; a dog, bee, baby, etc. is going to ruin the ambience and moment of calm and it’s really stressful even thinking about this right now.

    “Hey bebe, let’s watch the sun-set tonight”. Unless you’re in an amazing part of the world, or it’s a special day, I’m not going to go out my way to book an appointment with something that happens every day. I would find the whole thing far much more romantic if this scenario was organic and the sun just so happened to be setting with wet sand between our toes on the other side of the planet. Personally, I am more of a sun-riser kinda guy anyway. Maybe now I’m just being a bit difficult.

  • COLUMN | A Difficult Spot

    One thing that I looked forward to about ageing was the absence of spots. I imagined that there was a magical age, twenty-five perhaps, where my skin would clear up and I’d be totally blemish free. It was a false hope. I’m in my early forties and am sporting a ridiculous collection of pimples around my mouth.

    I managed to miss acne vulgaris. I was lucky enough not to suffer those rashes and colonies of ugly spots during my teenage years. What I got instead was the uber-zit. I’d grow these massive headless spots that would take root and stick around sending me running for the nearest chemist to peruse the chemical warfare agents that promised clearer skin. I had two giant spots on the end of my nose for so long during my late teens that I christened them (Bette and Joan if you must know: they were bickering mean spots).

    I scoured my skin with bright pink lotions that left me with a complexion like a flaky pastry sausage roll but the spots remained, red and shiny as ever. I applied medical concealer that was designed for the cast of TOWIE (i.e. bright orange). Having a bright orange, powdery pimple was clearly so much more discrete. I applied acidic lotions that burned and sizzled but seemed to feed the spots. I avoided grease and chocolate, ate fruit, drank water and squeezed/didn’t squeeze till I was blue (and still spotty) in the face.

    The advent of facial hair made things worse. The spots would come and go and were occasionally joined by their more vicious friends: the ingrowing hairs. The only delight with these is the sating of my love of picking and prodding. Hot flannels and savage attacks garner a lot o satisfaction.

    I’m less vain and self-conscious than in my youth and I have a more philosophical outlook to things. I tend to go with the phrase: It is what it is.

    I’ll sport my pimples with pride today. I don’t love my glue sniffer type rash but I can take it. It’ll go in time.

  • OPINION | The Rise Of (Hot) Gay Geek

    In ‘The Standard’ newspaper earlier this week (1st July) there is a lovely article on how the “gay geek is the most sought after worker in London” in which Benjamin Cohen (not the hot rugby one unfortunately) talks about how big tech firms are jumping on the gay rights bandwagon and engaging in recruitment and events that attract up and coming gay men.

    Did you know that up and coming technical whizz gay men where hot property these days? No, neither did I.

    All either have that geek look about them, or are a big part of the so-called “geek world” and yet retain a level of attraction. It could just be me and my view of the world having said that, but my what a view…
    So I say to that inner geek in you, break out! Be free! And whatever your “geekyness”, remember that it makes you hot… (Especially if you’re Zachary Quinto).

    Mr Cohen goes on in his article to claim that earlier this year a study by the University of California found 46% of the gay US workforce has at least one degree, compared with less than a third of the straight workforce. Similar studies in the UK have found gay men on average earn more than a straight man in the same profession.

    Being a gay professional who seems to fall into that bucket myself I found this fascinating and it got me thinking… us Gay Geeks really are hot property (if I don’t say so myself). Both in a business sense (as it would appear) but also from a rise in the “Hot Gay Geek” look or celebrity.
    But where have these quietly confident hot geeks come from? Have they always been there, lurking in the background at parties being the cute man we all dream for or is this something new? A new craze or fad that has appeared and made the tradition unwelcome geek the cool one at the party? Since the huge success of The Big Bang Theory and the introduction of Zachary Quinto as Spock in the revitalised Star Trek movies, the concept of geek and hot have very much become a “thing”. Don’t we all just want a 3 way with Leonard and Spock??

    Growing up, I was very much a geek (not the modern cool kind) and it’s something that I’ve not really grown out of. From technology & gadgets through to being a card carrying Trekkie, Geek is very much me and very much part of my life. But has this ever been hot? I wouldn’t have thought so, don’t get me wrong geeks find other geeks attractive (it’s less fuss that way) but has this attracted the jock type, or other ‘cool’ or ‘hot’ guys?
    I bet that the moment I say to you “Trekkie” you either don’t know what this means (a Star Trek fan) or if you do know what it means you have a picture of a pale skinned, greasy haired person that has never ‘been’ with another human being let alone met an alien life form (or maybe they have, in which case I have no comment). But you would be so wrong! Geeks are much more than that and this rise to the limelight highlights that. Everyone has a little geek inside them, this latest trend has just brought it all out into the limelight for the world to see.

  • COMMENT | Do we still need a gay scene?

    Gay Ghetto?

    The title says it all – a collection of shops, bars, clubs, saunas, pubs who all cater to a gay or LGBT audience constitutes a ghetto, a community of sorts. But in the 21st century, do we really need one? Does it still serve a purpose? Who is the audience? And why?

    I have one amazing talent folks – I can sit on any fence for Britain, if only it was an Olympic sport! On this issue, I’m a lycra clad champ as I can see both sides, the pros and cons, the good and bad. Why?

    Moving to Manchester in my early ’20’s was such an eye-opener. There was a whole entire street of bars, pubs, clubs that catered for my friends and me. Places where I didn’t need to pretend to be something I wasn’t, places where I could meet like-minded people and, who knows, maybe even forge relationships, of all kinds.

    I loved walking around Canal Street, and watched in awe as it grew, more and more investment, the established breweries taking us seriously and wanting in, businesses opening (and closing on occasion), all tastes catered for: subterranean bars for doms, lesbians only bars, trendsetting bars that started fashions, cheap bars that had “rent”, all on show and all open for business.

    But are they still relevant? I’ve watched Canal Street change shape; move on from a couple of shabby/seedy bars to the point where it’s become something of a cliché. It’s now a cartoon of it’s former self, it’s hen party heaven, it’s changed from a place that offered a feeling of some kind of security to somewhere that could be any street in Manchester. It is litter strewn, it’s shabby and now its’ security has been swapped for an “anything goes” mentality as more bars and businesses chase anyone’s pound – times is tough and in order to stay in business, these businesses will happily encourage any punters through the door to spend.

    Do we still need this type of place or have we, as both a movement and as individuals, moved on? What purpose do they serve? I know they offered me some form of security and a feeling of safety when I needed it, when I first came out, and a chance to make friendships and build relationships – but times were different. Do they still serve that same purpose?

    When I walk down Canal Street these days, I don’t feel safe, and as I’ve aged, I don’t feel the venues have anything to offer me anymore? The things that appealed to me in my 20’s don’t appeal as I approach my 50th year. Not sure what I do want anymore, a quiet drink, less of the thumping soundtracks – but I’d still like to walk down a road with my boyfriend of 20 years, hand in hand, with no fear and did used to feel that Canal Street and its surrounding streets used to offer that.

    I’m not sure that as we see more and more integration that specific areas for the LGBT community really offer anything new or different? I’m willing to be convinced though… feel free to comment and tell us what you feel. Do you think there is still a need or are these now redundant?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Everything old is new again

    Every summer our movie reviewer Roger Walker-Dack re-locates to Provincetown on the tip of Cape Cod in Massachusetts. In fact he is there right now to cover their International Film Festival exclusively for THEGAYUK.

    This rather stunning small coastal town that is a prime vacation destination has a fun packed calendar that has literally special events for everyone from Bears to Circuit Boys, to Women of Color & Gay Family Week to ensure that all shades of LGBT people are catered for. But away from silver screen I have noticed a surprising new trend in the roster of entertainers who are flocking to perform on all the main stages here. Whilst there are still most of the regular stars such as the impeccably hot Well Strung Quartet who play as well as they look, so many of the new stars this year are very old indeed.

    So old in fact that it’s a wonder that these legendary Broadway stars can, and are still, performing. At the top of the scale is the original Hello Dolly Miss Carol Channing who is now 92 years old. She is at least sharing her stage with a much younger performer, the long-legged Tommy Tune who’s barely 75 years old. The potty-mouth Joan Rivers who clocks in at 80 years old will be here, so will jazz singer and favorite guest on the late Johnny Carson’s Show, Miss Marilyn Maye who will be 86 years old.

    Donna McKenrick who won a Tony in the original version of A Chorus Line is still doing the high kicks at age 71, and then the week later Helen ‘I am Woman’ Reddy, the queen of 70’s pop and who is now 72, will be doing her stuff.

    One of the youngest of this bunch of Tony Award winners is Liza Minnelli with just 68 years under her belt is probably the most likely one to send a sick note instead especially as she is now more famous for the concerts she cancels than the ones she performs. And then there is Andrea McArdle the original Annie and who is STILL singing The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow as she has done for the past 36 years, is a mere 50 years old.

    P Town does have this wonderful joyous spirit and real sense of community that is both embracing and encompassing. I’m sure then if one of these Grand Dames doesn’t show then they will be generous and forgiving, and at the very least send out one of the plethora of the local talented Drag Queens who can probably do a better Liza (or Carol) than they can do themselves.

  • Making babies in Thailand

    A New Life in Bangkok

    Thailand has a lot of stereotypical connotations, especially when it comes to the gay scene. Ladyboys and Thai ‘brides’ seem to be the joke most inferred when I said I was moving to Bangkok (which has its own sex joke sewn right into the name). To my surprise I found a lot of the rumours to be true with Lady Boys being the recognised third gender and Thai bride an honourable profession. What I didn’t expect to find was that Thailand was also a way for new love and new life to find its way into the world.

    Joshua Morgan was visiting from the USA and when his Grindr profile said he was here to make a baby I just had to find out more.
    Joshua and his partner were looking to have a baby and back in the States IVF was just not a feasible option as costs usually start at (start at) $150,000, none of which is covered by health insurance. Some of their friends had told them about trying another country with good medical facilities but could be as much as a third of the cost. Many married couples had had success in India, unfortunately, the Indian government suddenly and devastatingly changed their laws making it illegal for same-sex couples and singles to do IVF in January 2013.

    “That was crushing for us,” explains Joshua, “We were in the middle of selling an investment property in order to free up the cash to proceed and couldn’t reverse the sale at the point we found out.”

    Joshua spent the next year reviewing alternatives, including Thailand and wasn’t overly keen on any of them. He started to get depressed as there seemed little hope on the horizon. It was then that he was introduced through a colleague about a couple who had started a surrogate consulting business called “Becoming Parents International.” The Spain-based couple contacted them straight away via Skype and went through all Joshua and his partner’s concerns.
    “He had an answer to all of our questions and a more detailed and coloured explanation of some of the cultural differences that impact doing this in Thailand versus what we had been expecting from India.  We instantly felt comfortable.  He was very forthright with the costs, and it was only slightly more than India.  Plus since my partner is Thai, this would allow for us to achieve the mixed baby we were hoping for by using a local Thai egg donor.”

    Becoming Parents International answered concerns regarding the quality of medical care in Thailand, the living conditions of the surrogate and the success rate of the clinic all to Joshua and his partner’s liking, so they decided to move forward quickly.
    “Considering we have been talking about this for 7 years, once we found “Becoming Parents”, everything moved fast.  We talked to them for the first time in March 2014 and just found out yesterday (15th June) that our surrogates’ first pregnancy test was positive.  They will test weekly for a month to make sure it’s not a false positive, but so far so good.” So once the ball got rolling there were a few things the couple needed to do before coming over to Bangkok; the first of which was coming into a little cup.

    “Prior to scheduling everything in Bangkok I had to have a semen analysis done and get blood work completed.  Doing the semen analysis in San Francisco was an experience (as a gay man I was shoved into a room about the size of a closet with a leather chair covered by a white towel and a stack of straight porn magazines… I literally felt like I was being pushed back into the closet) but in a way at least it gave me a reference point for what to expect in Bangkok.”

    Once in Thailand Joshua was well looked after and had a lot of support and follow up from the organisers. “Our primary contact has been in Spain and is very good at keeping us updated on the steps and processes via email.  In addition, we had an advocate in Bangkok who took me to the clinic and walked me through the process there.  The doctor called me after the fertilisation to let me know how things were going and I often get multiple emails that explain what’s going on and making sure I understand what to expect.”

    However, it wasn’t smooth sailing all the way, with a lack of information leading up to the process being a major obstacle. The couple’s primary care doctor wouldn’t help them in ordering preparatory blood work and semen analysis and some of their friends weren’t especially supportive of the idea.

    “We have experienced friends and colleagues tell us everything from “you are crazy” to “it isn’t meant to be”, to “good luck with your designer imposter baby”.  But overwhelming response has been supportive, and once we found “Becoming Parents Intl”, everything has been relatively smooth.  We had an issue with a missing chauffeur when I arrived in Bangkok at the airport due to curfew, but beyond a couple of lost in translation moments it has been pretty smooth.”

    All in all the process still seems very hetero-centric according to Joshua, both in the US and Thailand. He was given heterosexual stimulation (straight porn for when he had to jerk off into a cup for the less eloquent amongst us) and was frequently asked about his wife.

    “I was a bit surprised at the general casualness to the IVF clinic in Bangkok compared to the one in San Francisco where I had my semen analysis done.  Everything felt very top secret and private in the US, while in Bangkok you are surrounded by girls who are either eggs donors, prospective surrogates, or current surrogates.  They’re chatting with one another and on their phones and the place is packed with them so you feel a bit like you’re jerking off in the fitting room of a Forever 21 during the biggest sale of the season.”

    Joshua was surprised at how well he was looked after in Bangkok as well as how well-informed they kept him. “I felt more taken care of in Bangkok than I expected, and the amount of information, the quickness if the information, and the apparent lack of a hierarchy is bizarre and amazing at the same time.  You meet with the doctor and speak to them whenever you want, it’s not a big waiting game, and they have delivered on every promise.”

    The IVF clinic even accepted credit card payment for the work they were doing, “I remember thinking it cool I was earning miles by trying to have a baby… Probably something only I find amusing.”

    When I asked Joshua if there was anything he wished he had known before starting the process, his main regret was not learning more about Thailand options sooner.

    “We had a long list of questions for Becoming Parents Intl about the legal system in Thailand, the procedural process, the differences in how things are done between here and India that I wish I had been able to ask someone as soon as I knew India was no longer an option.  I don’t know if we would have acted sooner or not.  The clinic in Bangkok is run by the same folks who have been working out of India, but the Thai business is just two years old now, so I don’t know that I would have wanted to be the first, but it would have given me peace of mind that I had a plan.”

    So the next step is the same as every nervous couple trying for a baby, they wait. The first trimester is fraught with risks and complications so the couple is just doing their best to stay well-informed and try to remain calm. Joshua has even threatened to take up knitting to keep himself from going crazy. Once the initial stages of pregnancy are over, then maybe the couple can relax and get excited.

    “Once we feel out of the woods and that it’s safe to start planning, we will do what every parent does, get one of the rooms in our house ready for a baby, pick out names, and tell friends and family… Beyond that, we are using this as an excuse after 10 years together to get married (now that it’s legal), and we have to plan a 3-4 week vacation to Bangkok for next spring when the baby is born.  Then, you will see all 6’1″ and 190 pounds of me turn into an oversized emotional puddle.”

    We wish Joshua and his partner all the best with the new life they’re making.

    Becoming Parents International also go by the name “Sensible Surrogacy”.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.