THEGAYUK

Category: Comment

  • OPINION | Selective Love

    2014 has been remarkably record-breaking for the LGBT+ community. However, our strength unsettles certain masses. These seem to be the oldest offenders… The Religious. Are they clutching at straws in order to try and demonise homosexual presence?

    The huge advantage of the, almost, daily technology advancement in the world, is that we witness the most outrageous stories and news that forces us to stop our phone screens, dead in their tracks. In between a ‘Tag a mate’ photo and a funny-as-hell ‘eGreeting’, you will observe, for instance, extremist pastors unashamedly brainwashing communities, whose kids are forced to hold placards that write: “God Hates Fag Enablers”; “Homosexuality is Sin. Christ Can Set You Free”; or the eerie: “Fags Die God Laughs”.

    Are some churches or religious collectives scared that their foundations are crumbling; which are leading them to extreme actions having to justify their own existence?

    If we travel down to Uganda, pastor Martin Ssempa goes so far as corrupting citizens minds, again particularly with children, on how gay men have sex. He destroys the image of two men being able to love one another and replaces it with the illustration of content that ignorantly suggests gay men have sex via way of “Eat Da Poo Poo”, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjnrLt3VuSM,

    According to this monster, gay men ‘lick poo like ice cream’, and they need to take drugs in order to be able to endure the agony of performing the act of ‘fisting’. It is anger-summoning as well as pitiful, that men like these are lurking in schools and community halls, spreading such innocuous untruths.

    These extremists are polluting the mind of children, at an early age, planting the seed of gay hate. Sometimes the harshest culprits are parents, whose ignorance destroys lives of children.

    Fortunately, in America, there is a heart-warming story of a boy named Zach who, bravely came out, on Facebook, to his friends. His mother saw it and wrote the most touching letter:

    “Zach,
    I was surprised by your Facebook post where you came out. I want you to know that I love you unconditionally. I love you with my actions, not just my words. I’m so proud of you. You are the bravest person I know. I’ll fight for you always. Your sexual orientation does not define you. You are still the boy who forever won my heart. The only thing that concerns me is the number of empty soda cups and tea bottles in your room. Throw them away before ants come inside.

    I love you always –
    Mom”
    (http://www.upworthy.com/a-boy-came-out-on-facebook-his-mother-found-out-and-decided-to-write-him-this-letter)

    Zach needs not to worry any longer with such unconditional love and support being shown in his home. In fact, the only worry he has is getting ‘ants in his pants’, it appears.

    Bringing it back to some sadder news: Some of these bigots are going as far as travelling to other countries/continents to spread this hate. However, this is where our strength is surely noticed.

    There is an American pastor called Lou Engle, whose infamy for anti-gay campaigns echoes the globe. His religious ideology is so extremist; it elevates Uganda’s atrocious homosexuality view on to a high pedestal. He believes that the Ugandan Church is a Divine prophesy that should be worshipped and forced upon.

    Engle had plans to fly from America to Geneva to attend an event called TheCall which aimed at titling Geneva as the ‘city of righteous influence’, via way of fasting, prayer and purification of the mind, as this, he claims, is what God wants for humanity; this is, of course, another way of brainwashing people in to adopting his controversial beliefs. He wanted to spread his repressive idealism to this city. I use the past tense for a reason.

    Thanks to AllOut and the LGBT+ supporters coming together and protesting, Lou Engle pulled out of the event, and cancelled the visit, altogether. We are acquiring a relentless strength and courage, as well as shaking ancient pedagogies by standing up and fighting back.

    There may be fewer of us, but together our love and compassion will overthrow hate. Religious preaching is guilty of the biggest irony of them all.

    Selective Love.

    By this I mean, humans can let themselves be influenced by ideologies, such as the need for love and acceptance for one another, yet to these same people it appears normal to stone, imprison, humiliate or kill a person for loving someone of the same sex?

    Correct me if I am wrong, but does it not say in the Bible: Mark 12:31: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself”?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Beware The Man Of Mystery

    Is a man of mystery sexy? Or is there something a little bit more sinister going on behind his smoky allure? You may ask or question if mystery is still even achievable with pretty much our life stories being available via a bit of Google and Facebook detective work. But the kind of mystery that I am typing about is that which belongs to a person who face-to-face only gives you glimpses into their soul and small pieces of a puzzle. You may never get all the pieces of the puzzle, and if you do, the final picture will look like a poor man’s Picasso.

    Beware the man of mystery. Mr. Mysterious may strike you as intriguing, challenging, perhaps described by others as a tough nut to crack. So if you find that you are beginning to lose yourself in his eyes, and are interested in knowing more about him, then just be careful how much of yourself you are trading in return for their portion regulated control. Every piece of information divulged is surely to be orchestrated and rehearsed. A man who feels at home basking in the air of others uncertainty and gets off on thinking about you thinking about him, is usually the dullest person you will ever encounter. I’m sure that description has just brought someone you know, or have known, forward in your mind.

    Mystery is not to be confused with one being shy either. A shy guy will seem socially uncomfortable, perhaps not overly keen on too much eye contact etc. Mr Mysterious, will be quite comfortable in kicking back and resting his feet waiting for you to flock and delve into a conversation with him. Mr Mysterious will maintain eye contact and control any silence in conversation making your brain do the overtime and make you do all the effort. Essentially he cannot be bothered and is used to having things and people served to him on a platter for his perusal.

    Mystery is created, because they don’t actually know who they are or have a lot to say about themselves. They are more likely to speak about the present and what is happening in the now. When speaking about the future it is usually sprayed with a rainbow neon finish creating an exciting, colourful, and idyllic end goal. The past is glazed over like it never even happened and you’re likely to only ever see pinholes of childhood and “previous life”. This allows you to imagine, create, fantasise about who they could be, which immediately makes them seem more interesting than what they actually are.

    This man may appear emotionally like a broken bird. Do NOT feed the birds. It is you who will end up broken in your quest to fix them, should your nature be of the “fixing” kind, like mine. Although I am sure you had already come to the conclusion that I speak here from personal experience.

    The idea of mystery sounds great to begin with, and has always been bigged up by romantics; mysterious eyes, tall / dark / handsome etc. What even are mysterious eyes? What would they look like? To define mysterious in the dictionary, it reads; “difficult or impossible to understand, explain, or identify”. So it would seem that the word mysterious may be used in place of a more creative description that escapes the person paying the “compliment”. Not so sassy. I will literally puke or punch if I’m told I have mysterious eyes. Alternatively, awkwardly challenge them on their choice of words. It’s unlike me to not just sit back and lap up a “compliment”- but for me this expression is an absolute compliment / conversational sin.

    Perhaps we perceive mysterious eyes as an attractive attribute, as eyes are commonly linked to the soul, and if they are perceived as mysterious – then it means we are protected, and hidden away from open fire. In our open book society, we may tend to latch onto anything that would suggest we are akin to an enigma or the unknown.

    In reality all mystery is, is withheld simple, straightforward information that isn’t very significant at all if it were to be said normally. But the fact that you cannot get to the information makes it seem much bigger than what it really is. When simple information isn’t shared with us we then start to build a complex about what other information may be withheld, which does not set a great footprint for the beginning of any friendship or relationship.

    I suppose I personally am at a time in my life where I want life to be as straightforward as it possibly can be. I do want to settle down, and have adopted a zero-tolerance regime when it comes to a time waster. The problem I have with “mysterious men” is that there is never really a commitment from that person. They keep their options open just in case something better comes their way but will use you to their advantage in the run up to the inevitable demise. By never revealing themselves wholly they remain guarded and detached.

    And actually, I no longer have the time to try and crack these tough nuts, it is boring. You either want to share that information and yourself with me, or you do not. The great Oscar Wilde once said, “the true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible”. Life can actually be very simple if we allow it to be. This is why Mr Mysterious, is not for me.

  • OPINION | what’s wrong with being Mr Average

    Pride season is well and truly underway, and we have many reasons to celebrate this year but why do I feel increasingly isolated from my community?

    As a gay community we were supposed to be inclusive and non-judgemental of other people but these days there really is no truth to that anymore. As a homosexual in his late 30s I’m practically already dead, over the hill etc etc, and as stupid and wrong as that is, it is only the tip of the iceberg of the problems that are currently infecting the gay community all over the world.

    SOCIAL MEDIA
    One of the biggest issues I have today is Gay / Social media and the constant in your face pictures of “muscle men” as being the ONLY form of male that is apparently attractive, it’s so constant and aggressive that I think the younger generation have developed a skewed perception of what makes an attractive man.

    Every single day on my friends’ timelines and news feeds, anytime a picture is posted of an “attractive” man (famous or a cheeky pic of someone on the train) you can absolutely guarantee it’s somebody muscles or a digitally enhanced six pack, yes it’s lovely to look at a nice body, but it’s also incredibly tiresome when you see picture after picture, day after day of men with bodies that look exactly the same as each other.

    It all has a ripple effect and that’s never more apparent when you’re using a gay dating app. The amount of times I have been asked for a “body pic” and when I say no, it’s either usually no more reply or “is it cos you’re fat?” and by “fat” it now generally means you don’t have a toned or muscled body. I find that incredibly sad and worrying.

    There are plenty of attractive men out there that don’t have 6-day-a-week-gym-bodies but you wouldn’t know they existed, and you won’t see them on the cover of magazines or in silly “Top 10 Hunks” columns.

    We have been wiped out in terms of media, we don’t exist anymore, we are dead.

    Perhaps it’s time for the gay media to take some responsibility and start including people who don’t have those “desirable” muscles and bodies in their photo-shoots, imagine how incredible that would be, how liberating the positive long-term effects it would have.

    In the 21st century we are finally starting to be awarded the equal rights that any human being should have, but what good is equality when a large part of the community is increasingly being isolated or forgotten about by gay / social media.

    Most gay men don’t have the perfect body, or the perfect job with a jet-setting lifestyle that all gay men apparently seem to have and if we don’t we are constantly trying to be sold that lifestyle whether you like it or not.

    There is nothing wrong with being “Mr Average” with a perfectly normal non-gym body.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Football Is Crazy, Football Is Mad

    I’m sorry to be a gay stereotype but football bores me senseless.

    I’ve never seen more than a few minutes of any sports match and I don’t intend to change that now. For the duration of the World Cup I’ll be avoiding the TV and newspapers (it seems to have pervaded everything, even Google has football themed graphics). I’ll definitely be staying out of any pub that has a huge flag draped outside and a television the size of a standard door. I’ll be wincing at pound shop nylon flags draped on cars or people wearing face paints.

    My family weren’t sports viewers and we grew up without the presence of competitive sport anywhere in the house and with a healthy disinterest in people running round in rash inducing nylon. Surely there are more important things to put your competitive energy into like fighting for the right man, a good place to live or the killer job. I’ve sustained the disinterest and taken it to a slightly higher level (i.e. hatred of all sports). I just don’t get why people become such fanatical crazed monsters. My worst public transport nightmare isn’t the slurry drunk or the youth playing music and spitting. It’s the two men avidly discussing sport and becoming increasingly shouty and loud as their tempers and passions rise. I feel like I may as well be hearing a Martian language for all the sense it makes to me.

    I see the appeal of football for some gay men: men in skimpy shorts frolicking about on a field. That can be found elsewhere though. Why bother watching the game? Just take it to another level and search for one of the multitude of sport related porn flicks on the Internet. At least you don’t have to watch the dull bit and the action is more interesting than a few men kicking a ball to each other. If you’re unlucky the film will have a ‘plot’ a.k.a. a couple of South Londoners shouting across to each with lines they’re reading off a card whilst they ineptly kick a ball just before the shower scene when the fellatio starts.

    Last night I was kept awake till the early hours. I don’ t know what the result was but they were either happy/sad/angry/elated/disappointed. It seems to translate into the same way: drunken people shouting at 2am. I love that people have a passion but what the f**k? I get very excited by literary awards but you don’t catch me running down the High Street shouting about them in the small hours. It strikes me that sport lacks decorum at times.

    I can waffle on for hours about things I hate, like orange skinned W.A.G.s, bizarre hairstyles and hideous tattoos. I can bemoan overpaid dunderheads and managers in car coats. Let’s maybe just leave it that football is not my thing and I can choose to avoid it and will try really hard (except when I’m in the supermarket, looking at social media, in the street, at work, reading the news, on the train or anywhere out of the house at all when I can’t avoid it all as it’s being rammed down my throat). If you need me for the next month I’ll be in isolation with a pile of books and a pot of coffee or maybe partaking of my own particular sport: competitive complaining and griping.

  • COLUMN | Unhappy Birthday

    I did something sly and naughty this week. I kept a big secret. I wasn’t hanging around in a sauna in a skimpy towel, working my way through a selection of sex toys, snorting Crystal Meth or shoplifting. My secret was far worse: I was having a birthday, a secret birthday.

    I’m not ashamed at aging. I’m irritated by aging (thinning hair, ear hair, nostril hair and other hair related things) but not ashamed. I don’t mind being in my early 40s at all. I feel more comfortable in my skin and more assured of what I do and don’t want and am able to better articulate this.

    One thing I don’t want is to be made a fuss of. I can’t abide those silly office things where colleagues put a few quid into a pot and ritually buy each other a card with a silly slogan and a gift voucher for some shop you wouldn’t necessarily set foot in under usual circumstances. I’d rather get something useful like a packet of cigarettes or a tenner off my supermarket shopping. I hate all those inane Facebook messages and tweets from people you barely know that only know it’s your birthday because the site tells them so. I’m not keen on shelves full of cards that the combined cost of would buy me something useful (e.g. cigarettes). They seem a bit of a waste of money to me.

    I’m pretty rubbish at pretending. I can’t do faces of delight when offered a present I don’t want. I’m actually pretty impossible to buy presents for. Who’d want their clothes or household items chosen for them? Not me, for sure. From the age of about 5 I was quite determined to choose my own attire and soft furnishings. The usual suspects are out: booze and chocolates (drink issues and migraines rule those out). That leaves books, DVDs or music which are surely impossible things to buy for someone unless you actually inhabit their head and police their taste and monitor what they’ve already read, seen, own or have listened to.

    I do like cake. Cake is good. I just can’t be bothered with all that embarrassing attention that goes with it. I nonchalantly spent the day at work and almost forgot it was my birthday, pulled up occasionally when I typed the date. It was perfect. My partner insisted on taking me out for a meal, which was sweet and a friend made a cake for me. We quietly consumed it whilst watching T.V.

    I’m not totally miserable but just know what I like. Being older is great. Being able to choose to do or not do something is better than anything.

  • Teachers Facing Homophobia

    Teachers that are identified as gay or lesbian are actually less likely to challenge homophobic language and behaviour in the classroom a recent study shows because of the fear of rumours and abuse being brought to their sexual orientation.

    In an interview, a huge number of teachers and secretaries were questioned about how they cope with homophobic situations at their schools. A vast number that were interviewed replied that they did not feel comfortable or they were slightly “un-nerved” about “coming out” at school, with many reporting that they were particularly worried about losing their jobs.

    Administrators or secretaries were found to be particularly uncomfortable to “come out” as gay.

    Over half of the teachers that were interviewed reported that they had been aware of homophobic language or they had heard it being used in the tea room at work, and subsequently two-thirds reported that they had never witnessed other teachers offer to step in and defend them when such language was being used either in conversation or in malicious ways.

    Around the same amount of teachers also reported that they didn’t get involved or try to tackle homophobic language or personal jibes when they were faced with them.

    During the interviews it was brought to light that the people grew up in an era where being called “gay” meant you were bad, even bringing up a situation where a teacher chose to use the phrase “this is so gay” to mean “this is so stupid”, again this is classed as abusive in today’s “day and age”.

    The study follows lengthy research in the United Kingdom that prioritised in stamping out homophobia in the educational environment and the results of this study are vital in the effort to end bullying and physical and mental abuse to teachers in schools colleges and universities.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION: Slam Is The New Snort

    Drug plateaus seem to be getting higher and higher, drug users are striving for the next level of euphoria. Taking shots of paint stripper in one room and slamming (injecting) meow (Mephedrone) in the next.

    Slammers are the black belt of drug users and are usually sneaky, solo, or in a syndicate when using. However, recently I have noticed a change in that people who inject find the practice quite normal and on occasion have even peacocked the process in front of others at house parties.

     

    Back at the Doll House (my debauchery den, aka Home). I allowed (very polite of them to ask in the first place) someone at a party to inject heroin on the condition that I could watch.

     

    Is that sick?

     

    Probably.

     

    My agreement only came from a selfish scheme to see it for the first time up close. I had such a fascination with the process, definitely an intrigue- But I knew with my existing addictions at the time, that really would have been the end of me.

     

    Friends or people that I know who have tried slamming have not been able to get the same rush from the things they were able to once before (snorting etc). One even saying that after injecting meow, there had been a pandora’s box after-effect of wanting to smash and grab any substance that was available to them when on the mission of destination trash.

     

    Perhaps Pandora’s box is too glamorous a term in this instance. Can of worms is probably more appropriate. On the subject of glamour, where do you see any in that tourniquet between your teeth tightening its grip to summon a juicy vein? (A slammer once told me I had beautiful veins… sorry what?). Where is the attraction of bruised and sliced arms that conjures others concern until you falsely blame your vicious bitchy cat, or that notorious door?

     

    It put me right off my special K breakfast watching someone’s skin literally crawling and quivering like something out of a sci-fi horror as they were coming up after injecting meow.

     

    They proceeded to be vacant for the next hour or so. We watched him in horror praying that we wouldn’t all of a sudden come out of a K-hole and realise we had in fact been staring at our reflections all along. Someone that slams, or anyone for that matter may ask me, how can you be so critical when you have never tried it? My immediate answer would be “I do not want to die”. What I’m really saying is, “I am a drug snob”. Both are not really valid answers. Drug users, especially those with dependence are delusional about death. Thinking it won’t happen to them because they use responsibly, or they have done the research on statistics and actually it’s alcohol that kills more people per year- anything they can scrounge to justify a few more weekends, months, years of partying. I was (somehow) able to justify continuing snorting shortly after coming to from passing out and hyperventilating. I have spent far too much time attempting to justify my drug use. I was actually really shocked when I was told / witnessed people injecting meow at parties. I just didn’t see the point in it. If the gay scene didn’t have a bad enough drug reputation with the likes of GHB, it certainly will soon with the injection of meow, and in some instances, heroin. GHB (after taking too much) and injecting substances both have really anti-social effects. You may as well be in a room on your own.

    The BBC published a story recently on Brighton & Hove potentially soon to create drug-use room facilities(“shooting galleries”), where trained health workers observe and monitor the user during the process, which proves the severity of the city’s problem if we are the pilot.

     

    Did you know that the average age now for someone to try heroin is 21?! The World Health Organisation has also stated on average, injecting drugs causes one out of every ten new HIV infections.

     

    I suppose my concern is that if we are becoming familiar with injecting drugs such as meow, and for young adults to enter the club / party / after party scenes and seeing this going on around them, this will become another part of our and their normality. Your defences are down under the influence of alcohol or drugs, and I will openly say that when slamming has been going on around me, my finger has hovered above the “f**k it” button.

     

    However some people may not have the fortunate outcome that I did, and they could end up hitting that button and injecting. And if you’ve already injected meow then why the hell not have a go at heroin?

     

    Recreational / regular users may have boundaries of where they would and wouldn’t go with drugs, but those can easily become open to question (or justified).

     

    June 26th is “World Drug Day” – A day dedicated to raising awareness of the global drug problem and illicit trafficking. This world will never be free of drugs, but what we can welcome is knowledge, and strength to keep it out of our social circles- with our next generation in mind. I would certainly not allow someone to inject in my home ever again and am annoyed at myself for allowing that to happen in the first place. I am all for these drug-use rooms Brighton & Hove may be installed as they are aiming to keep injecting separate, off the streets, and out of sight from others.

     

    Unfortunately, it’s likely that most reading this will have known or known of someone that has died through drugs- I will be remembering those that I have known on June 26th.

     

    If you’re affected by the subject of this article you can call the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard on 0300 330 0630 or visit Frank

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Commentary | Turning Back the Clock on HIV

    Growing Old with HIV

    Life expectancy has increased remarkably in HIV+ people. This is due to the improved efficacy of antiretroviral drugs. However, according to a recently published article, “Inflammatory Co-morbidities in HIV+ Individuals: Learning Lessons from Healthy Ageing” by lead authors Dr Anna Hearps and Professor Suzanne Crowe at the Burnet Institute in Australia, this comes with a price [1].

    “Increased life expectancy in HIV+ individuals has uncovered an increased risk of acquiring age-related conditions such as cardiovascular diseases, neurocognitive decline, osteoporosis and frailty.”

    The authors linked these conditions to inflammation that causes premature ageing of the immune system. The immune system of young HIV+ people resembles that of uninfected elderly people.

    Where Does Inflammation Come From?
    Damage to the lining of the intestine during HIV infection is thought to cause leaking of bacterial products into the blood stream and this contributes to inflammation. Chronic Inflammation is a feature of ageing and is recognised as the driving force behind many age-related diseases. HIV infected individuals have high levels of inflammation even in those receiving anti-retroviral therapy (ART) and who have undetectable viral load. In fact, as shown in the Data collection on Adverse events of Anti-HIV Drugs (DAD) study [2], a non-smoking HIV+ person on ART and a long-term smoker face the same health risk of developing heart disease.

    Therapies
    Preventing or treating inflammatory diseases by reducing inflammation seems an obvious approach. Unfortunately, as there is no “magic bullet” pill, healthy lifestyle choices remain the most effective way to control inflammation. Low-dose aspirin (baby aspirin) is commonly used as a preventative strategy for heart attack in the general population. The medical world holds its breath for results from a large Australian study (ASPREE) that has been evaluating the efficacy of low-dose aspirin treatment over a 5 year period, in preventing age-related conditions in 19,000 elderly individuals. Other drugs such as statins and hydroxychloroquine have been evaluated, but adding yet another drug to the already complex HIV regimen is not an inviting prospect for those already on a cocktail of pills. Furthermore, the long-term effects of these drugs are unknown. Some evidence suggests that probiotics and a Mediterranean diet could be beneficial although more studies are warranted.

    The Future
    The majority of studies conducted examined a limited number of biomarkers that consistently show a strong relationship with several age-related co-morbidities and therefore may have diagnostic potential. The main challenge that remains is to understand how these association studies can pinpoint the mechanisms involved in these clinical manifestations to engender novel therapeutics to delay the onset of pre-mature ageing in the HIV+ population. Most importantly, these novel strategies should be long lasting, perhaps once per week or once per month, to limit additional pill burden.

    References
    1. Hearps A.C, Martin G.E, Rajasuriar R, Crowe S.M: Inflammatory Co-morbidities in HIV+ Individuals: Learning Lessons from Healthy Ageing. Current HIV/AIDS Reports (2014).
    2. Friis-Moller N, Thiebaut R, Reiss P, Weber R, Monforte A.D, De Wit S, El-Sadr W, Fontas E, Worm S, Kirk O, et al: Predicting the risk of cardiovascular disease in HIV-infected patients: the data collection on adverse effects of anti-HIV drugs study. European journal of cardiovascular prevention and rehabilitation : official journal of the European Society of Cardiology, Working Groups on Epidemiology & Prevention and Cardiac Rehabilitation and Exercise Physiology (2010), 17:491-501.

    About the author
    Dr Clovis Palmer heads the Immunometabolism research team at the Burnet Institute in Melbourne, Australia. He recently identified a new subset of immune cells and is the first to show that HIV affects the way CD4 T cells use energy – a discovery that could revolutionize the prognosis and treatment of people infected with HIV. He frequently speaks at The International AIDS Society/AIDS conferences and is a guest editor and reviewer for several top ranked scientific journals. He is the Founder of Natural Immunity-Health, a scientifically driven organization that promotes a healthy lifestyle in order to combat inflammatory conditions such as HIV and obesity. Dr Palmer’s work has also been featured in The Australian Sydney Morning Herald and The AGE: http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/digital-life-news/ideas-that-could-change-your-life-20130312-2fxo6.html, and the Star Observer: http://www.starobserver.com.au/news/study-finds-new-route-against-hiv/90705.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Stonewall got it wrong Again

    By now I’m sure many of you will have heard about the new anti-gay laws coming into effect in Brunei, the subsequent condemnation around the world and boycott of hotels owned by the Sultan of Brunei, and then Stonewall’s refusal to back such a boycott. I must say I was hugely disappointed with Stonewall… And I still am.

    Acting CEO of Stonewall, Ruth Hunt, has now released a statement saying that the organisation will no longer be using the Dorchester hotel for events and she has apologised for their initial position on this issue. Although I think that Stonewall are now doing the right thing, I feel that it shouldn’t have come after outrage from their supporters. Stonewall is meant to be the leading LGBT charity in the UK, but it has become clear from this incident that they may not necessarily be best placed to be that leading charity. In fact it is my opinion that they have followed where others have led on this issue.

    Stonewall have been holding events at the Dorchester for some time now and that is something that has always bothered me, before the disagreement over boycotting Sultan of Brunei owned hotels. Firstly because only people with a large income can afford to attend anything at the Dorchester, but also because I feel it’s inappropriate for a charity to put on events at such costly venues in the first place. I run my own LGBTQ charity, Push Projects, and would never consider putting on an event at such a place.

    Everything is done at a low cost and takes place at affordable venues. The expense of putting on an event at such pricey places would be better spent directly helping the people the charity exists to represent. But I digress…

    I believe the boycott of hotels owned by the Sultan of Brunei is a positive thing. Although I am all for conversation and working things out by talking, I also feel that boycotts can send powerful messages. This particular boycott is not on a small scale; it is a worldwide campaign that many high profile people and organisations are supporting. With so much backing for a boycott, Stonewall got it completely wrong by stating they would not support it. It demonstrates that they do not represent the majority or LGBT people and their allies. It shows that they are out of touch. The superior tone of Ruth Hunt’s article in the Telegraph certainly gave that impression.

    Today’s announcement that Stonewall will no longer be using the Dorchester hotel is a case of too little, too late. It feels more like damage limitation rather than a sincere gesture. Something appears to be wrong at Stonewall and it’s clear they need to take a hard look at themselves and how they represent the LGBT community. Perhaps a change at the top is in order. They claim to be listening. Will they listen to this?

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Dying to talk

    I’m afraid that I’ve got some really bad news for you. I’m not usually so blunt but there’s something that I need to tell you. You’re going to die one day. Sorry about that. I know it’s not palatable but it’s going to happen. No one has, as yet, escaped the inevitable. It’s an uncomfortable fact for most of us and one which we, generally, try to avoid thinking about.

    The organisation Dying Matters has been promoting talking about death, forward planning and trying to break down taboos surrounding death. Their recent survey findings are fascinating. Only a third of people have made a will, half of people don’t know what their partner’s funeral wishes are and over 70% of people haven’t given any though to what would happen to their on-line legacy. Future care planning is important too. How can medical professionals decide what treatment to give us if we haven’t made our wishes clearly known about what kind of treatments we’d like to have carried out?

    There are a whole host of additional issues that can present themselves for LGBT people. If you’re in a relationship, is your partner the person nominated to be your next of kin, your advocate or your beneficiary? There are whole hosts of horror stories about bereaved partners who are left homeless, cut out of funeral plans and denied the place they should be entitled to in the pecking order of mourners by resentful and bigoted families. I certainly wouldn’t want that to happen to mine or anyone else’s partner.

    The digital legacy frightens me. I hate the idea that my social media accounts would linger on with mawkish pictures of sad kittens and inept tributes after my death. That’s not my style at all. It may suit some people but isn’t for me. My partner has strict instructions to close the accounts down the minute I croak. He just has to look in the bureau and find the folder marked “Death” to find the will, passwords, explicit instructions and funeral plans. Maybe I’m an extreme example of a control freak but is that so bad?

    Naturally, LGBT people have their own special issues. No one wants a Grindr account loitering in the ether with their preference for ‘hard tops’, after they’ve been hit by a car. What about your collection of European twink porn? Is that something you want your mum to have to sort out for the charity shop along with your barely worn Aussie Bums? Does anyone know which Britney song you want at the funeral and which ex shags you definitely don’t want there?

    Flippancy aside, it’s something that’s worth thinking about. Anyone who’s had an unmarried or non-civil partner-shipped relative or friend die intestate will tell you just how much easier it would have been to sort the post mortem affairs out with a sturdy will in place. Anyone left with a dying relative or friend who has had no idea about what their care or funeral wishes are will tell you how hateful and hard that can be.

    It’s definitely worth checking out the Dying Matters website. It’s not as bleak or painful to read, as you’d think and it’s bloody important. Seriously.

    Read more here: http://dyingmatters.org/

  • COLUMN | I’ve Got Love On My Grind

    Sexual awakening in your youth shortly leads to identifying what qualities or traits you might like to see in a future partner.

    Around this time I used to revel losing myself fantasising about the man who I would share my life with. I found one of the most exciting and intriguing scenarios to play out in my wild and at the time, innocent mind, was the moment where you meet your life partner.

    Albeit idyllic and far-fetched, it was almost euphoric to entertain the idea of meeting the special someone in a sickly sweet situation and you both realising that you were born to be together. I blame Meg Ryan & Jennifer Aniston films for the bar being set so very high.

    It was only 10 years ago that meeting, or dating- was so much more organic than what it is now. I remember having that instant sparkle with someone, and he became my partner for the next 6 years. Coming out of that relationship and all of a sudden the way we met new people and love interests had changed with social media exploding, and the introduction of applications like Grindr, Brenda, Tinder etc. I think we can safely say that the blind date is well and truly extinct. Gone is mystery and magic and welcomed is a world of over exposure and bearing all. It all feels and seems so unnecessarily lazy. The other day I was doing some snooping on a guy’s facebook to see what his interests were and found myself making assumptions on him, which is wrong. It’s foolish of me to make an assumption without truly getting to know the person (or even before meeting them), but it’s also foolish to assume that someone’s profile is an accurate reflection of who that person really is.

    We can paint whatever picture we like with our ability to edit what’s presented on screen. We are more likely to try and convey the person we would like to or aspire to be, rather than who we are today.

    Even in bars and clubs we resort to our handy applications to see who is around, what “tribe” they belong to? (WTF). On the plus side, this does offer the opportunity to someone that lacks confidence to reach out to someone that they may have not approached at all without this at their fingertips. Rejection used to more often take its form in awkward shimmying away on the dance floor, or in that moment where you’re just about to present your pearly white smile and their eyes disengage and look somewhere else- these scenarios could have then transformed into a comical story shared amongst your friends, perhaps. Now you know you’ve been rejected when their profile no longer shows up on your app- no one wants to know about that. Yawn.

    Grindr was launched 5 years ago in March 2009. I came across an online forum where people had first discovered the app and were writing posts about their intrigue but also fear over whether the app was safe, based on its geographical social nature. So, where do we go from here? Because there will be another level, there always is. I wonder if it may look something like us all walking around with Google Glass, and instead of us having to consciously / physically send a message to someone- Google Glass will do the match making recognising face and body types we like (and also blocking where necessary), initiate conversations, and before we know it Google has booked us a table on Friday at a restaurant that we’ve both liked and visited before, AND put a reminder in our calendar for us.

    The technological trends unfolding in front of us are relentless, and constantly changing our “normality”. I fear for a future where the only connection we know of, experience, and care about, may be our wi-fi.