THEGAYUK

Category: Comment

  • OPINION | Rise Like A Mockingjay

    Has Austria given the world a new symbol of hope? Like, I don’t know, Katniss Everdeen? I too felt like raising my three middle fingers in support of Conchita Wurst.

    Like most of the world, I am sure you were in awe at Austria’s entry of the Eurovision Song Contest. It sent shivers as well as butterflies through one’s body. The powerful voice of Conchita filled our ears with delicious harmony, as well as lyrically astounding us.

    There is one thing about her journey that struck me sideways. Despite criticism and idiocy from close-minded bigots, Conchita triggers thoughts of a familiar struggle that, at one point in every gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender’s life, they have gone through and therefore can relate to. For those Hunger Games fanatics and acquaintances, this struggle resonates Katniss’s turmoil when defending her own kind who had been, for seventy five years, ostracised, marginalised and made to live their lives as sacrificial, by the Capitol. The Capitol has a lot to answer for, as they do not want to change, in fact what they want to do is to boycott and silence these protests.

    Is that ringing any bells?

    What were Russia, Belarus and Ukraine trying to do during the Eurovision week?

    I will leave that rhetorical. As I can hear the pennies dropping in your minds.

    Watching the Final was mesmerising and ethereal. I was expecting Conchita’s dress to turn in to ‘Flame’ and her nodding to, a Cinna like person, in the audience as confirmation of the rebellious movement. What really got me were the fire-like wings behind her, on the screen, as Conchita Wurst beautifully bursts in to the last Rise Like A Phoenix chorus.

    The victory was not just about the song and the artist, but it was another triumph for LGBT community’s voice being heard and expressed. It makes me wonder if this same song was played five years ago, would it have had the same effect? Or was it the fact that the world’s views have strengthened in relation to LGBT rights?

    2014 has been a year of so many firsts:
    29th March: Gay Weddings, making it a live broadcast for all to see and celebrate with the happy couple. United Nations advances its stand on Gay Rights with Bollywood style music video depicting a welcoming of a homosexual couple to one’s family.
    Conchita Wurst creates a storm within East Europe and the World with her sheer confidence and ambition. Where to end? This is the beginning.

    As many countries such as Uganda, Nigeria, Kenya, have views that are eerily intensifying, there is a pleasing air of acceptance around the communities in the Western Culture where it feels okay to hold a hand or kiss someone of the same sex, or even to tell your Mum or Dad who you really are.

    Thank you Conchita Wurst for the emancipation of LGBT presence. We all raise our three fingers to you.

    Keep that Bird Rising!

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Meet The Next Generation Of The BNP

    It’s scary, very scary, what happens when you get a bunch of 13-18 year olds and fill their heads with British National Party rubbish.

    We want, we want, we want, never gets – didn’t your mother tell you?

    I’m sitting here, not sure whether to laugh or to shudder in fear – as the British National Party (BNP) releases a video on to its YouTube page with several young people spouting about who they feel is to blame for the downturn of the UK’s moral compass and their demands for the future of this country.

    So who is to blame? Well, us militant homosexuals are given a mention (high five), the media, bankers, businesses and I think My Little Pony had a mention somewhere.

    At the end of the ill-edited, terribly lit video, with a soundtrack that would make Han Zimmer cry into his hands, a youngster, we’ll call him Marvin, looks deadpan into camera and like a BNP Zombie says, ‘This is not a request, this is a demand… We are BNP Youth.’

    And if you’re wondering what exactly what was said about the LGBT+ community, the one in the pink says (we’ll call her Chelsea), ‘The militant homosexuals who push for gay marriage and gay adoption in order to destroy the traditional family unit.’

    Then the one in the black top and festive flower in the her hair pipes up (We’ll call her Edwina):

    ‘We want the promotion of the traditional family and our core Christian values.’

    I can’t help think that these children, yes they are children, have been done a complete disservice by their parents, their political education and the BNP. This video will forever be a monument to their beliefs – and in an ever changing and more progressive society, these kids are already looking like dinosaurs.

    In a time where nothing can be deleted from the omnipotent internet, I wonder what these children will think, when they look back on this, as they get a little more worldly wise in 5, 10, 15 years.

    This video is called, BNP Youth- Fight Back, but I’m not sure they really know who they’re fighting. It seems like everyone as far as I can tell. This is a political party, it seems, hell bent on isolating itself into the nether regions of this country, demanding not to be taken seriously – and I say, good – stay there.

    It seems the BNP have a new generation… My advice – don’t feed them after midnight and keep away from water.

    Interestingly, comments have been turned off for the video on YouTube – but you can leave your thoughts and comments below – play nicely now…

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Gaying It Up The Marvel Comics Way

    The Marvel Now initiative was launched with the specific aim of re-launching their entire line bringing fresh ideas and voices to familiar titles.

    Part of this was to bring diversity and address the inequality balance in the line. Traditionally the core audience for American main stream comics has been an adolescent white male; however the popularity of Manga and the success of the films over the years have seen a subtle shift in the audience. Comics are no longer the exclusive domain on the geek. Alongside the publicity from the X-Men same-sex marriage and the boycott from Christian Group “one million moms’”, Comics are now increasingly geared towards LGBT readers and Marvel Now has embraced this across the line.

    The company has published Young Avengers since 2005. The concept of the team are teenagers picking up the legacy of established characters. Hulking and Wiccan have been front and centre of the team since its inception and gradually introduced as a couple. They have continued to function on the team and forming a core part of the team being portrayed as any other couple in a mainstream comic book. The series received a revamp as part of Marvel Now and a new teammate Prodigy joined the team. He was a character previously part of an X-Men offshoot title.

    Since appearing in Young Avengers he has kissed Hulking during a moment where they both thought they were going to die saying that “he has always wanted to do that” and coming out as bisexual in the next issue. This revelation is a big step for a number of reasons. Traditionally any LGBT characters on teams have been in the minority, by the end of the current series almost all of the team had either stated that they were not straight, had experimented or were curious.

    FF is a series that follows a replacement team for the Fantastic Four while the traditional team are on a voyage across time and space. The Team are teachers in an academy for students mainly consisting of children inspired by villains. There are a collection of moleoid children, minions of the mole man. In a recent issue one of the children, Tong, revealed to his brothers that he was in fact transgender and wished to be referred to in that way. She now wears a dress over her FF uniform to mark her identity. The only reaction from this was from team leader Antman, when he was told what was happening he remarked “oh, good for her” and returned to his conversation.

    As part of the remit for Marvel Now task was to introduce more female led books. She-Hulk, Black Widow and Captain Marvel all feature in their own series and Fearless Defenders charts the rise of established character Valkyrie trying to put together a team of “shield maidens” to defend Asgard.

    The start of the series introduced Dr. Annabelle Riggs, an archaeologist from a Viking dig. Annabelle kissed Valkyrie during battle and made it clear that she was attracted to her. As the story unfolded Annabelle died but found herself sharing a body with Valkyrie. The outcome from this is that we have a lesbian character not only as part of a team of women but co-leading them. Before the series ended a new character was introduced as a love interest for Annabelle.

    The Spider-Man series has long since been known for its supporting cast as well as its main character. The main series feature Peter Parker working in a think tank of geniuses. His boss Max Modell was featured in a time travel storyline, where his watch was a key part. They took the opportunity of Max showing his watch to Peter and remarking that his partner Hector gave it him as an anniversary present. What I liked about this is that it was so subtle that I missed it the first time round. Hector has since appeared as a solicitor representing Max through the series and into “Superior Spider-Man”.

    Marvel is taking great strides at the moment in introducing LGBT characters; the step seems to have been taken to represent sexuality as part of a character and not just a gimmick to boost sales. Other established characters such as Northstar, Karma, Rictor and Shatterstar continue to keep their roles within the X-Men line of books which have long since carried a metaphor about being different and “hated and feared” by society.

    However it is noticeable that Marvel does not carry a solo title featuring a gay character. DC comics have “Batwoman” which has been a commercial and critical success. Marvel series to feature LGBT characters have been restricted to limited series for Quasar and the poorly conceived “comedy” Rawhide kid.

    I believe that the next step would be for Marvel to introduce a “Northstar” title. Being part of the X-Men universe and the main stream media attention from his weddings mean that he is already known to a large section of fans and recognition from non-comic book readers.

    Aside from being the first gay hero, he is a strong, confident, sometimes arrogant-gay man. He is a celebrity within the Marvel universe already thanks to a previous sports career and public image. He is happily married which is somewhat of a departure from both comic book marriages. Of course the storyline needs to be stronger than the fact that he is a gay mutant, perhaps for someone who usually works as part of a team, it may be interesting to focus on him now being solo and the fact that he does not hide behind a mask.

    The creative team is key, as with the Carol Danvers’, “Captain Marvel” series, the writer Kelly Sue DeConnick is a talented and brilliant female writer for the flagship female character. They care about the character and have been able to build a strong and loyal fan base within the female audience.
    If the gay comic book community were to embrace the series it could certainly build a good solid audience.

    And yes, I’m available

  • OPINION | RuPaul is Right – The Gay Movement Will Eat Itself From The Inside Out

    RuPaul appears to have been at the centre of a storm in a big gay teacup lately.

    With her show ‘Drag Race’ no longer having the term “She-Mail” included in it and the annoyance of some within the LGBT community at her casual use of the word ‘tranny’, RuPaul has been biting back. I have to say that I agree with her.

    I’ve never seen RuPaul’s Drag Race, but I am aware of the show and its content. I wonder how many people getting annoyed at the use of the term ‘She-Mail’ and the word ‘tranny’ have actually watched it and seen the context in which those words are used. The word tranny has long been used to describe transvestites and Drag Queens; it is not a word that is exclusive to transgender people or even used by transgender people. This is something that those getting annoyed at its use in RuPaul’s show should keep in mind. RuPaul describes herself as a tranny and it is quite apparent that her use of that word and of the term ‘She-Mail’ relates to herself and other Drag Queens, rather than being a slur towards to the transgender community.

    Something that has been bothering me for some time is the way the LGBT community are so quick to turn on each other. Whether it’s the above issue of getting precious over certain words and terms or gay men criticising other gays for the way they look, it’s clear to me that the gay movement is becoming its own worst enemy.

    There are so many horrific things happening around the world, such as the anti-gay regimes in Russia, the new laws in Brunei, and the ongoing persecution of LGBT people in some African countries. Even in our own country there’s still great injustices and the threat from the outside still exists. Rather than infighting we should be focused on what we can achieve together to eliminate that threat.

    Coming back to the policing of words (and it is policing), I really believe that some LGBT people need to lighten up and consider the context that words are used in. I’ll give you an example…

    I was once called a “f**king disgusting queer” by a homophobic man who wanted to beat me up just for being gay. Those words used in that context are offensive and completely unacceptable. However, I have also been called a “queer dear” by one of my friends. The word ‘queer’ is used in both of those examples, but only one is offensive and that is because of the context it is used in.

    I’ve spoken to transgender friends of mine about this and the feeling among them is that the word tranny doesn’t apply to them and they are not offended when somebody uses the word in reference to Drag Queens or transvestites. It is only when they are called trannies that it becomes offensive. Again it comes back to the context in which words are used.

    I truly believe in people being able to identify in any way they want and use any words they choose as long as it’s in a positive and empowering context. Just because some in the transgender community don’t like the word ‘tranny’ or the term ‘She-Mail’ being used towards them it shouldn’t mean that RuPaul or anyone else isn’t allowed to apply those words to themselves or others who identify with it.

    There are more shocking and pressing matters in the world that we should be focusing on instead of policing the words that others in our LGBT community use. Otherwise there is a real risk of the ‘gay movement’ eating itself from the inside. RuPaul, I salute you for speaking the truth.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Mary Mary

    As a child my parents were occasionally like a composite of the characters in the sit-com “The Good Life”. Like Margot and Jerry Ledbetter, they were a teaming mass of petty snobbery but also like Tom and Barbara Good, they were quite self-sufficient. We were dragged along on a regular basis to their allotment garden and forced to help out. In between we’d be roped in to help tend flowerbeds or the fruit trees in our suburban home or water and clean the many potted plants and herbs indoors.

    I would receive unwanted gifts to sweeten the pill: a bright blue children’s wheelbarrow and a various miniature garden tools. For me, a Dutch hoe will always be something you push between your potatoes rather than a woman in a bikini in a window in Amsterdam. I recall happily the joy of being given my own patch of soil to grow vegetables in and watching little shoots of life poking through but this was counterbalanced by the horror of being a picky eater with parents who had a seemingly never ending supply of fresh vegetables.

    Mud was never a thing I relished, being a pernickety child who liked to dress in tweeds and velvets like a mini aristocrat. I hated being outdoors and whiling away hours that could have been spent indoors hunched over a book reading about Milly-Molly Mandy or Narnia. I’d petulantly pace around collecting insects in matchboxes then putting them back unharmed later or kicking moodily at old tree stumps whilst thinking about the good-looking music teacher who played a guitar. I still recall the repetitive boredom of picking green beans or shelling peas, followed by the even worse indignity of having to eat them.

    I longed for parents who bought their vegetables ready washed from Marks and Spencer. Actually, I longed for parents who didn’t buy vegetable at all unless they were pre-cut into crinkle cut chips.

    The irony is that my parents taught me some valuable skills: patience and the ability to tend and grow things. I’m now a demon gardener and totally love nature. I’m also a vegetarian who eats at least 10 of my 5 a day. The ironic bit comes in also when you realise that in my London flat I haven’t got a sod of soil to my name. In times of stress I drift off and imagine myself in a soothing suburban garden full of flowers and fruit trees (an unlikely prospect, given London house prices). I picture myself in a cast iron Victorian conservatory spraying greenfly with a copper implement.

    Even in my fantasies I draw the line at growing vegetables, though. There’s a huge supermarket round the corner. Some childhood experiences put you off things for life.

  • OPINION | Are we to quick to slut shame?

    Slut, tramp, whore, slag, trollop, floozy, tart, Ho, skank, Loose, easy. All words that we use to describe someone of who is perceived as sexually promiscuous.

    Except we are not describing we are judging. We are perceiving someone that has sex and labelling them.
    Of course most times these descriptions were traditionally assigned to women. This is because a long time ago some men created a double standard. Men were allowed to enjoy sex, indeed virility was celebrated and seen as a positive thing.

    Last year it was okay to be Robin Thicke but not Miley Cyrus It’s based on hypocrisy. Sadly this practice has carried through to present day with some cultures even still practising female circumcision. As we are still living in a heteronormative society, we all grew up here and learnt these rules early on, so of course we carried over the practice into the gay world. We are still men after all.

    We need to stop the practice of slut-shaming.

    Why does the number of sexual partners someone has make any difference? If we are all still men then why does the double standard still exist? I speak from a position of being single for a long time and people having that perception of me to being in a relationship in present day? Have I changed as a person? No my circumstances have. But because I have a partner, I am suddenly viewed as acceptable.

    Do we slut shame because we perceive people as a threat? I mentioned the heteronormative world before, the acceptable thing for us to do is to grow up, find someone you love, settle down and have kids.

    Obviously biologically we have to skip the last step naturally, does the fear come from someone that has chosen to live outside the mainstream? Is it the same prejudice that used to apply to us being gay 50 years ago? Is the threat of the single sexually confident man about the fact they may tempt and seduce our partners away? We have to act pre-emptivly and attack them and let them know their place.

    We are deciding that they have loose morals and dismissing them. We have reduced them as to their sex life. We don’t care about them as a person. We disregard their hopes, dreams, career and more importantly we take away their voice. We assume that they simply live their lives that way because they are only interested in hedonism. For some people that may be true however for others it may be that they are doing it because they confuse sex with love. If a man will sleep with them they must desire them and love them on some level. This was certainly not my experience; sex is a basic human need and right. In this day and age nobody should care about your sex life as long as you respect your own body and health.

    The gay world we are subject to hyper-sexualised imagery. Bars are promoted by attractive men in their underwear and little else; the magazines we buy are filled with adverts for chat lines, saunas, escorts and porn. For most of our early lives we repressed our sexual desires only to come out and be told you can look but don’t touch. Slut shaming is not healthy, useful or productive for anyone. It feeds the fears of the people doing it and degrades the victim. As a minority that faces prejudice already we should know better.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | It’s time to have gay sex ed at school

    At my school, we hardly received a decent sexual education. The meagre things we were taught – were all about reproduction. You know the story; when a man and a woman love each-other very much etc. At one point they had a group of people come in to teach us all about the many many joys of celibacy (I know, I know)

    This was at a catholic school however, and I can’t say the same of all schools, some of you might have been wonderfully informed about the delicious details of sex.

    Even so, I found that when indeed we did speak about sex in school, it was all about sex between a man and a woman (Quite often married).

    There was nothing that I could remember about intercourse that takes place between two men, or even two women for that matter.

    Believe it or not, when the celibacy buffs asked my classmates why people had sex, the only answer they got was: “To make babies”.

    I mean, really!?

    While this did provide us with the most basic knowledge of the mechanics of sex, there was little else for us to go on. It was almost as if the teachers were just sticking their fingers in their ears and singing.

    There was little explained about STIs, condoms, rape or unplanned pregnancies (Though being gay, I can’t say I cared about the fourth).

    This leads me onto another point; young gay people are not just realising that they’re gay at the age of 22.

    People are coming out young and they’re so ill informed about sex, it’s staggering. Luckily, I had older friends, and was rather well informed by them, and so I knew about using condoms, avoiding STIs and where to go if indeed I did think I’d contracted something from someone, however, this is sadly not always the case.

    For reasons unexplained, there was next to nothing told to us on the reasons for sex, such as love, lust, revenge on an ex or just plain old self esteem issues. It seems that young people were just having sex purely because their friends claimed they were all doing it. There was very little said on how we value ourselves and whether we were only having sex because we wanted to prove that we were likeable, which I think is quite upsetting.

    In a society that allows young people to be exposed to sexual images in the time it takes to click a mouse, and where persons on television and magazines are almost exclusively all bronze, buff gods and goddesses, is it truly wise to not teach young people to value themselves as an individual as well as in relationships?

    Thankfully, I had the nouse to look for this information myself, and grew to love and accept myself as an individual and have sex for the right reasons. Sadly though, many young gay men and women are not so well informed, and they can often go on to contract diseases, get raped, and in extreme cases die because of needless ignorance.

    Sexually transmitted diseases are not about to just go away, and nor will gay people. It is about time some changes were made to arm young gay people against the dangers of unsafe sex, and some care given to them so that they learn to love themselves before they consider engaging in intercourse. While the good people in the labs are working night and day to better be able to deal with disease, I think it’s high time the classroom started talking about gay sex.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | Fat On The Inside

    I’ve never been a fan of exercise. I don’t suit Lycra, sweat just standing still and don’t like any activity that you can’t do and smoke a cigarette at the same time.

    There’s also the whole business of how it taps into my teenage memories of draughty sports halls, hideous PE kits and the barking, homophobic bully of a teacher we had. I once went to look round a gym and had to have a lay down on the sofa afterwards. I didn’t like the testosterone fuelled grunting and the grim determination but the vending machine looked fine to me. They didn’t seem to have a reading area or a kiosk selling cigarettes and Cosmopolitans, though, which was a major negative.

    I’ve always thought that I could get away without exercise. I walk for miles. I am thin as a rake and am generally creakily healthy. I’ve been getting these badgering letters for the past year, at least once every couple of months. Apparently, as I’m over 40, I need a health check. My discomfiture at being frequently reminded that I’m over 40 is immense.

    Stupidly, I succumbed and am have now been told that I’m fat on the inside. I have moderately high blood pressure, high cholesterol and am carrying a 10 to 20% risk of developing heart disease in the next 10 years. I feel so much better for that. Although I have the BMI of a jogger, I have the blood of a slightly obese man who watches a lot of daytime television.

    I protested, naturally. I’m a vegetarian who eats about 15 of my 5 a day. I walk a lot and although I have a penchant for a sugary latte and the odd cream cake, my diet is pretty good. The nurse countered back by pointing out that the main problem was the part of the cholesterol which indicates that I’m not getting enough exercise.

    She helpfully suggested that I try swimming (near drowning in 2001, municipal baths, memories of verruca socks: Big Fat NO!), cycling (aside from the fact I can’t balance well enough to ride one, there’s all that mangling type death stuff on the roads to consider: even fatter NO), a gym (Just NO!) and jogging (…live to 90 but with agonisingly painful knees: NO!). Apparently all of these things also need to be done 5 times a week for 30 minutes. Now that’s fanatical, if you ask me. I have a job and a lot of theatre to see.

    Naturally, I have a plan. It involves an exercise. I’ll walk up to the counter of Costa Coffee in a brisk manner and very quickly say “A skinny latte please” and without breaking out a sweat, I’ll pour in 2 sachets of sugar instead of the usual 3. I think that should help. I’ll think about the exercise next year and in the meantime I’ll briskly turn the pages of a novel. That should sort it all out.

  • COLUMN | Spring Cleaning

    It’s that time of year when the sun shines (on and off) and we go to work on and off due to a string of bank holidays. If you’re anything like me then your mind will, sadly, turn to the dull subject of cleaning.

    I’ve always had a bit of a minor obsession with cleaning. Maybe it’s because I’m descended from a long line of Northern housewives. Bleaching net curtains and scrubbing steps is part of my heritage. I don’t quite go as far as donning a crossover pinny and a headscarf though.

    It started in my youth. My father was an obsessively tidy man and would set us all off into cleaning missions at the weekends. This was compulsory. I soon managed to gain a little number where I would get extra pocket money if I helped out as a regular thing. I quickly learnt that the power of creating order out of chaos was a cathartic, as well as financially lucrative, act. Pushing round our old feeble vacuum cleaner with its crinkly brown paper bags and flicking away at dust with a bright yellow duster bought me an enormous sense of satisfaction.

    A psychologist once told me that my desire to be clean and tidy was a way of exerting order into my often-chaotic life. Although I have little control over my stressful job, the sometimes-dodgy men in my life or my family, I can control how shiny the bath taps are. She definitely had a valid point.

    I’ve bought every gimmicky cleaning product on the market, over the years, damaging not only the environment but also my pocket and probably my lungs. I’ve staggered out of chemical warfare clouds in foggy bathrooms, burnt my hands with excessive bleach and teetered on rickety chairs to reach nooks and crannies that really don’t need reaching. I’ve washed the numbers off the controls of a brand new cooker by using neat detergent, taken the surface off loo seats and generally caused a lot of mishaps.

    I’m much more moderate than I used to be. Maybe I’m more mentally healthy than I used to be or maybe just too tired to be bothered with it all. I’ve learnt to live with the odd streak on the mirrors or a dusty crevice. It’s not the end of the world and certainly no terrible reflection on me or my morals and decency.

    I definitely see a solution ahead but it’s a complex and difficult goal. It involves a rich husband and a fleet of maids. I’m not sure that my partner would approve though.

  • OPINION | Picture Perfect, Digital Photography Today

    Having an admitted love affair with the internet – I now have to admit to having a little addiction. Nothing too illegal you understand, it allows me to indulge my passion for bright shiny things, and a little exhibitionism – I love digital photography. When I was at art college, I trained to use a 35mm SLR camera, changing the film, processing it and printing my own photos – totally self sufficient.

    This was the early 80’s, the height of sophistication in cameras back then were Nikon SLR’s. If you wanted music on the move, the only option was a Sony Walkman cassette version – yes, remember them? There were different formats for your film, but all used physical film to produce negatives from which prints were made. Creating the prints was an art in itself – and part of the fun of photography back then. For some it still is, but the norm, for now, is digital

    During the late 90’s, my use of photography dwindled, mainly due to the costs and inconvenience of getting films developed and printed. However, since the introduction of digital photography, my love of photography has re-ignited. I’m impatient and want immediate gratification – and digital photography gives me just that.

    My first digital camera didn’t have a screen on the back, so felt very similar to the old 35mm in that you used a viewfinder to frame your image and crossed your fingers that what you got was good! Fast forward 10 years and we not only have huge screens on the small cameras we have access to, but better cameras on our phones.

    I love my gadgets but at first cameras on phones met with a frosty reception – I want a camera to be a camera and a phone to be a phone. Or at least I did until I started using my phone as a camera. Once you start looking at the apps available, and the ways you can share your photos immediately, it becomes more fun and suddenly you see a point to having a good camera on your phone. Being out for a night and taking photos is great – being able to upload them to Facebook or Twitter as soon as you take them gives it an edge.

    Taking your holiday snaps on a camera, using connectors to download them to your tablet or laptop and adding filters to enhance them makes you feel more in control of the finished image – gives you the chance to alter your work in ways you couldn’t imagine a few years ago.

    Take Instagram – a hybrid of a photo/filter app and a basic social network. This allows you to add various filters, and then not only share on their own network, but add Facebook or Twitter too. I use Instagram a lot and love the variety of filters but also being able to view the work of others on there – professional and amateur alike. There are other, more technical apps like Hipstamatic, which allows you to alter your lens and film type and buy additional packs of lenses, films, gels, etc – but also create albums and make prints from your phone.

    There are purists who would scoff but even they have to admit that cameras on phones have caught up with stand alone digital cameras, to the point that a smartphone can function as a good quality camera, letting you carry just one item that takes snaps, edit them and upload or share them via your favourite sights. I don’t think I could consider a phone now that didn’t include a decent camera, although I do still love my Leica digital camera and my Canon DSLR – my phone does a decent job too! I never leave home without one or the other!

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Is sex the glue to a relationship?

    The usual scenario for guys connecting up is eye contact across a crowded room, or in a sauna or a street and so on. A quick glance up and down and phoarr I want more of that (sometimes the eyes don’t get past a certain bulge!).

    What we see is usually the first thing that attracts us to a potential mate. Granted there are occasions when there is no immediate physical attraction and the embryo relationship starts with the enjoyment of the person’s company and conversation. But these are few and far between so will not be considered for this article.

    You move to pounce. The old chat-up lines seem to work and you get on great. In the end, whether it takes that night (or in a sauna those 5 minutes) or a week, you end up in bed. Sometimes the sex is fine sometimes it’s great. But what has really happened is your cauldron of hormones has started bubbling and you begin to be drawn in to forming a relationship with this ‘god’. Hopefully, he feels the same too.

    Gay relationships are really not much different from straight ones. Physical attraction brings two people together. Perhaps the bedding stage may be slower with heterosexuals. Women tend to want to get to know the guy but the end result is the same. Some relationship scientists believe there are three stages in relationship development – lust, attraction and attachment. All stages involve hormones.

    The first stage – the ‘I’ve got to have him’ stage is driven mainly by testosterone. As the attraction develops and we become attracted to each other, the second stage, testosterone continues to drive things along but the hormones dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline become important. This is the period when we feel we’re ‘in love’. It’s the romantic period when the other person is in our minds most of the time. We just know they are the one.

    Dopamine focuses on the neurotransmitters and is not very different to some addictive drugs such as heroin because of the feel-good high it gives, the extra energy and a reduced need for sleep. Adrenaline increases heart beat which is why we feel more excited when we see or think of our loved one. And the increase in serotonin makes us feel a bit mad and contributes to our feelings of well-being and happiness.

    The third stage, attachment, sees another two hormones surface – oxytocin and vasopressin. This stage is vital if the relationship is to survive. But because of the addictive nature of the second stage, especially the production of dopamine, a lot of relationships don’t get this far. There is more contentment but less excitement. There is more intimacy but less explosions.

    Oxytocin is called the cuddling hormone. As human we tend to seek out touch from others. When we cuddle or just even touch the brain releases oxytocin which makes us feel calmer and helps us bond with that person. Have you ever had a bad day and found that cuddling your lover makes you forget everything? That’s oxytocin at work.

    So is sex the glue to a successful relationship? The answer is yes and no. If by relationship you mean an exciting six months of sex fuelled coupling then yes. But the effects don’t last and to have a successful, long term relationship you need to move into the attachment stage. However, because of the availability of fresh partners and the stimulating stage of first meets a lot of relationship, gay and straight, don’t last long.

    It takes work to move to the next stage and both partners need to want the slightly less exciting, but usually more fulfilling, longer term relationship. After the first six months or so, despite what is generally believed, the amount of sex declines. But something else grows and it is shared interests, mutual respect and trust, the quiet physical intimacy and emotional support that makes this next stage of a relationship so satisfying. This is the glue to long-term relationships.

    This article was taken from Issue 3 of TheGayUK

     

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