THEGAYUK

Category: Gay Life

  • COMMENT | What is it about gay bars and their disgusting toilets

    Public toilets and gay men have gone fist-in-hand since communal lavs u-bended it on to the scene. But in 2015 we no longer have to skulk around dirty loos looking for love.

    Now sausage-jockeys don’t have to frequent filthy washrooms, you’d think we’d refrain from doing so.

    Gay men are associated with the art of pairing the right Aquascutum Herringbone twill trouser with the perfect Yohji Yamamoto chunky knit. As well as having the same skill with a feather duster and fur-hemmed marigolds as Nigella Lawson has with a rolled up tenner. And all poofs are guaranteed winners of any quiche baking competition.

    So if crafty-butchers are male versions of Channel 4’s cleaning queens Kim Woodburn and Aggie MacKenzie why do homos accept the putrid odours, urine-soaked floors and lack of scented hand wash that characterise toilets of gay bars?

    But the stereotype of the hygienic, clean-freak batty-boy is exactly that – just a stereotype.

    Yours truly has undertaken extensive research up and down the country over the past 16 years, examining the quality and cleanliness of loos in poof pubs and bender bars. To this day not one homosexual drinking establishment’s lavs has matched, or surpassed that of a common-or-garden All Bar One.

    Take the men’s bogs at that one on the corner, for suited gentlemen.. one of Soho’s busiest bender hangouts. They refurbished their lavs a couple of years ago – a decade late but nevertheless. The walls are caked in what looks like a dodgy sponge effect blood and primary red tiles, and gloss cream tiles with a mini pyramid mosaic texture. Clearly, the person responsible for this interior atrocity spent too much time in Rupert’s slash-room. Inhaling the intoxicating fumes addling their creativity.

    Only two cubicles for the boys. Both are missing proper toilet seats and locks. Loo roll, if any, has all the silkiness of an acrylic cardi from Primark.

    Their stainless steel communal urinal wasn’t fortunate enough to be part of the upgrade and has no doubt seen more cock than that of all the Catholic priests residing in the Vatican. If steel could talk. The damn thing is hanging on by the skin of its rusty screws.

    That bar that’s famous for its go-go boys’ WC is also a delight to visit. It’s positioned in the basement, as most powder-rooms are in Soho. However, the stench punches you in the honker before you’ve even hit basement level. Waders would be the correct footwear for a widdle in this gaff but sadly Tom Ford hasn’t released a range to-date. Soap is like a brightly lit sky in Blighty during February. Is Jo Malone alien to bar managers?

    In most fag-boozers there’s the perfume-pushers trying to scrape together their bus fare home, pressing you to squirt a soupçon of their tired and mankey bottles of JPG, Paco Rabanne and Kouros. Or forcing Tesco’s basic own brand soap into your palms before you’ve had time to readjust.

    Undoubtedly nostril curdling whiffs, wee wee streams and dated 80s style décor are the theme of gay bar bogs.

    If you know of any shirt-lifter haunts’ loos that come up to standard – do share. Thabulous would love to be proved wrong.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Why Kim Kardashian Matters

    There is no escape from Kim Kardashian’s arse. It’s gone beyond global. Unless you’ve been under a rock, you will be aware of her shoot for Paper Magazine. To call it a phenomenon is an understatement. Within seconds of release, that champagne glass balanced on backside shot had been dissected, spoofed and pilloried ad infinitum.

    Of course, those of us old enough to have experienced a naked, pregnant Demi Moore on the front of Vanity Fair are getting cover controversy deja vu. But that’s a whole other story…

    The internet makes social commentators of us all and this is one of those splashy, eye popping social media moments ripe for sharing and evaluating. From the gazillions of posts and tweets about Kimmy’s shoot, the most common train of thought is as follows:

    A)Why is she famous?

    And

    B)Why is she famous?

    Scratch just beneath the surface though and something far more interesting emerges.

    In the past few days, I’ve read some genuinely excellent blog entries and articles on race, body politics and feminism all written in response to the Kardashian pictures. These are big, grown up themes not easy to express as pithy soundbites.

    Yes, it is a shame that we have to use a naked Kim as a hook to hang real issues on. But debate can only be healthy, no matter how unlikely the source it has stemmed from. Even our dear old battered and bruised tabloid press have weighed in with some strong opinion pieces on body image and the representation of women in mainstream media. That in itself is a small miracle.

    No one is arguing for a second that La Kardashian turned to her people and said, “I wanna be the springboard for some good, in depth critical writing. Get me a champagne glass and a bottle of baby oil. Stat.”

    However, there is a bittersweet irony that a woman often held up as the poster girl for the ongoing trivalisation of modern celebrity culture has accidentally sparked thought-provoking conversation. Kim Kardashian is not about to lead a revolution in sexual politics or change the way that women of colour are represented in magazines. But by default, the reaction and the weight of commentary that photo shoot has incited has made people think.

    And not just about the pros and cons of her bottom or why she’s famous.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | No Time Wasters

    There is a photograph in a grid. Taken in the harsh yet flattering light of a locker room. You click on the picture and then read the shopping list.

    ”Vers”

    ”Under 40”

    ”Smooth”

    ”Muscle”

    ”Neg Guys only”

    And then there is it; the three word clause, so common as to be almost a default mantra of the hook up app profile;

    ”No Time Wasters”

    You do a quick sum and calculate the amount of time it will take to travel the 1.2km it says he is away. Hey, you may be horny but you’re busy too and can only spare an hour. Two max.

    So please don’t waste my time.

    We know just what those words on the phone screen mean. Showering and douching for the fit muscle guy a couple of streets away that never shows. The chain of hot cock pictures that abruptly goes cold. In order to secure a casual Sunday afternoon hungover f**k, we write it on the list. When you encounter yet another one; curse those f’king apps and I AM gonna delete all them this time for definite; it becomes another piece of evidence to pluck out and present how all gay men are shit.

    So we write it down. If only to save ourselves from minor irritation. After all that half an hour spent negotiating could have been invested in a hot bloke who followed through. It’s annoying isn’t it… Every gay man can swap war stories of the casual time waster that’s inconvenienced him, the ones who don’t show up, the guy that didn’t text back.

    Much has been documented about the ”Together Alone” nature of social media and how isolating the faux intimacy of virtual relationships can be. There is something brutal about how the Grindr and Scruff’s of the online world at their most ruthlessly efficient can pare interaction down to the bare minimum. Why spend half a day traveling into the city to engage in drinks ‘n small talk with a good looking potential conquest when one can in theory be naked with a like minded individual in the vicinity via the exchange of a few messages?

    At a time when we are told we work on average far longer hours than our parent’s generation, it’s hardly surprising that more so than ever time has become a currency not to be squandered. In the prehistoric pre web days, quick casual sex was the domain of the scuzzier gentlemen’s toilet and public park cottages. Now though, due to health fears, the risk of law and advances in portable technology, sex on the doorstep has become infinitely more convenient. Not unlike putting in a grocery order online. Witness the amount of gay businessmen away from home who reach for the smart phone and check out who’s nearby barely a split second after the hotel room door is shut.

    It’s true that No Time Wasters has become a hook up app cliché but it’s there though because phones and laptops have made us increasingly impatient and searching for what’s instant. No matter how small the investment we’ve made with that currency.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Why pride?

    At the moment I’m currently working to promote the third year of Warrington pride. The theme that has been selected this year is Pride. At promotional events over summer we’ve been asking people to fill out cards to say what they are proud of.

    I haven’t completed mine yet, as I’m not sure what the answer is.

    I think as a community we become a cynical old bunch. Subtle Homophobia and living in a heteronormative society means that we are outsiders. I’ve almost become numb to this fact.

    Each year we can see and attend pride events which show us the diversity across the communities. This year in Manchester Pride, my boyfriend and I were drawn into a debate as to whether or not the rubber men should be part of the parade. He felt it was not part of sexuality and was a fetish so should not be there as a part of the gay community. We disagreed because to deny any aspect of sexuality across the LGBT spectrum would force it back into the closet and place shame and guilt onto those that identify with that label. I have previously written an article on the dangers of slut-shaming and I think those lessons are prevalent here.

    I also encountered negativity within the LGBT community from people who thought that groups were not representative as a whole. Groups are there to offer peer support and help to those who need it. I don’t want or need any group to represent me or be my voice.

    I have my own.

    The bears are doing their thing and the lipstick lesbians can do their own thing. They don’t need to represent each other. The village community in Manchester is diverse and strong enough so everyone gets their own time without it feeling like they are invading each other’s space. Aside from the pride events, there are things such as the “To Russia With Love” protests earlier this year. This saw the village come together to fundraise and support the LGBT community in Russia.

    What I’m proud of is the diversity we represent. Each and every one of us came out and stood up because we refused to compromise our sense of self just to fit in.

    We didn’t want to be who people told us we should be in the “straight” world why should that change in the LGBT community. We have seen abuse, we’ve seen hatred. We’ve been the victims of cheap jokes. We’ve battled to start to gain some small measure of equality.

    But we endured and stayed together. Pride for me, is about the community. Both local and online. It’s about anyone that talks to us at a fund raising event. Even if you are straight you know someone who isn’t and that person might need support or solidarity. Pride is about being yourself and not having to compromise of your integrity or beliefs and still being able to fit into an imperfect and beautifully weird group of people like me.

    I don’t need to know what drives or inspires you. I don’t even need to know your name. I just need to accept you and hope you will accept me.

    Warrington pride is on 27th September in Queens Gardens, Warrington

    http://warringtonpride.com

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Theory: What causes the loss of CD4 T cells in people infected with HIV?

    A Theory for HIV infection: What causes the loss of CD4 T cells in people infected with HIV?

    HIV infection causes dysfunction and destruction of CD4 T cells that, without antiretroviral therapy (ART: a cocktail of drugs that interrupts the HIV life cycle), result in AIDS and eventual death within 7 to 10 years).
    Scientists believe that most CD4 T cells die, not because of direct infection by HIV of these cells, but through a process called inflammation, by which immune cells secrete toxic molecules to get rid of the virus.

    However, the logic behind how inflammation causes cell death has been a mystery for decades.

    But now, research conducted by scientists at the Burnet Institute in Melbourne, Australia, and published in the premiere HIV/AIDS Journal, AIDS in 2014, shows for the first time that HIV infection not only disturbs the functions of CD4 T cells but affects how these cells use energy (1). The team, led by chief investigator Dr Clovis Palmer, proposed a new model of how CD4 T cells are destroyed in people infected with HIV.

    In healthy persons, immune cells such as CD4 T cells take up low levels of glucose through a protein known as Glucose transporter 1 (Glut1). By a series of steps the glucose is broken down to produce pockets of energy called adenosine triphosphate (ATP) to maintain the general wellbeing of the cells

    The Burnet team showed that the Glucose transporter (Glut1) level is increased on CD4 T cells in people infected with HIV, and that this causes more glucose to enter the cells. This is a survival mechanism because the CD4 T cells need more energy to divide and manufacture antiviral and inflammatory molecules to fight the infection. This is what is called CD4 T cell activation or immune activation.
    In this activated state, instead of breaking down glucose to form energy pockets (ATP), glucose is broken down into a substance called lactic acid through a process called aerobic glycolysis. Glycolysis is only moderately efficient in energy production and, as a result, the CD4 T cells die of exhaustion. The researchers called this process ‘metabolic exhaustion’

    Dr Palmer believes that this finding could lead to new drugs that delay the start of anti-retroviral therapy and will strengthen the immune systems of HIV-positive people.

    Healthy adults have between 600 to 1,200 CD4 T cells in their blood but up to 30 percent of HIV infected adults have a CD4 cell count consistently less than 350, well below the normal range despite being on ART and having undetectable viral load. The team showed that glycolysis remains elevated in CD4 T cells from these persons and that this could explain why they are unable to reconstitute their normal CD4 T cell levels. These low levels of CD4 T cells put HIV-positive people on ART at higher risk of cardiovascular disease, liver disease, kidney failure and other life-threatening diseases.

    The results from this study suggest that CD4 T cells in HIV infected people cannot replenish themselves because they exhaust their energy reserves through their high metabolic activity. What’s exciting about this is a very real scenario where, by returning metabolic activity to normal, these cells could be re-energised to fight the infection by themselves.

    Dr Clovis Palmer heads the immunometabolism group at the world renowned Burnet Institute of Medical Research in Melbourne, Australia. Dr Palmer is a reviewer for several top-ranked international journals including Hepatology, AIDS and Antioxidants and Redox Signalling. He is the chief scientific editor for Natural Immunity-Health, Australia (www.naturalimmunity.com.au).

    by Doctor Clovis Palmer

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | The Rise Of (Hot) Gay Geek

    In ‘The Standard’ newspaper earlier this week (1st July) there is a lovely article on how the “gay geek is the most sought after worker in London” in which Benjamin Cohen (not the hot rugby one unfortunately) talks about how big tech firms are jumping on the gay rights bandwagon and engaging in recruitment and events that attract up and coming gay men.

    Did you know that up and coming technical whizz gay men where hot property these days? No, neither did I.

    All either have that geek look about them, or are a big part of the so-called “geek world” and yet retain a level of attraction. It could just be me and my view of the world having said that, but my what a view…
    So I say to that inner geek in you, break out! Be free! And whatever your “geekyness”, remember that it makes you hot… (Especially if you’re Zachary Quinto).

    Mr Cohen goes on in his article to claim that earlier this year a study by the University of California found 46% of the gay US workforce has at least one degree, compared with less than a third of the straight workforce. Similar studies in the UK have found gay men on average earn more than a straight man in the same profession.

    Being a gay professional who seems to fall into that bucket myself I found this fascinating and it got me thinking… us Gay Geeks really are hot property (if I don’t say so myself). Both in a business sense (as it would appear) but also from a rise in the “Hot Gay Geek” look or celebrity.
    But where have these quietly confident hot geeks come from? Have they always been there, lurking in the background at parties being the cute man we all dream for or is this something new? A new craze or fad that has appeared and made the tradition unwelcome geek the cool one at the party? Since the huge success of The Big Bang Theory and the introduction of Zachary Quinto as Spock in the revitalised Star Trek movies, the concept of geek and hot have very much become a “thing”. Don’t we all just want a 3 way with Leonard and Spock??

    Growing up, I was very much a geek (not the modern cool kind) and it’s something that I’ve not really grown out of. From technology & gadgets through to being a card carrying Trekkie, Geek is very much me and very much part of my life. But has this ever been hot? I wouldn’t have thought so, don’t get me wrong geeks find other geeks attractive (it’s less fuss that way) but has this attracted the jock type, or other ‘cool’ or ‘hot’ guys?
    I bet that the moment I say to you “Trekkie” you either don’t know what this means (a Star Trek fan) or if you do know what it means you have a picture of a pale skinned, greasy haired person that has never ‘been’ with another human being let alone met an alien life form (or maybe they have, in which case I have no comment). But you would be so wrong! Geeks are much more than that and this rise to the limelight highlights that. Everyone has a little geek inside them, this latest trend has just brought it all out into the limelight for the world to see.

  • OPINION | Selective Love

    2014 has been remarkably record-breaking for the LGBT+ community. However, our strength unsettles certain masses. These seem to be the oldest offenders… The Religious. Are they clutching at straws in order to try and demonise homosexual presence?

    The huge advantage of the, almost, daily technology advancement in the world, is that we witness the most outrageous stories and news that forces us to stop our phone screens, dead in their tracks. In between a ‘Tag a mate’ photo and a funny-as-hell ‘eGreeting’, you will observe, for instance, extremist pastors unashamedly brainwashing communities, whose kids are forced to hold placards that write: “God Hates Fag Enablers”; “Homosexuality is Sin. Christ Can Set You Free”; or the eerie: “Fags Die God Laughs”.

    Are some churches or religious collectives scared that their foundations are crumbling; which are leading them to extreme actions having to justify their own existence?

    If we travel down to Uganda, pastor Martin Ssempa goes so far as corrupting citizens minds, again particularly with children, on how gay men have sex. He destroys the image of two men being able to love one another and replaces it with the illustration of content that ignorantly suggests gay men have sex via way of “Eat Da Poo Poo”, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjnrLt3VuSM,

    According to this monster, gay men ‘lick poo like ice cream’, and they need to take drugs in order to be able to endure the agony of performing the act of ‘fisting’. It is anger-summoning as well as pitiful, that men like these are lurking in schools and community halls, spreading such innocuous untruths.

    These extremists are polluting the mind of children, at an early age, planting the seed of gay hate. Sometimes the harshest culprits are parents, whose ignorance destroys lives of children.

    Fortunately, in America, there is a heart-warming story of a boy named Zach who, bravely came out, on Facebook, to his friends. His mother saw it and wrote the most touching letter:

    “Zach,
    I was surprised by your Facebook post where you came out. I want you to know that I love you unconditionally. I love you with my actions, not just my words. I’m so proud of you. You are the bravest person I know. I’ll fight for you always. Your sexual orientation does not define you. You are still the boy who forever won my heart. The only thing that concerns me is the number of empty soda cups and tea bottles in your room. Throw them away before ants come inside.

    I love you always –
    Mom”
    (http://www.upworthy.com/a-boy-came-out-on-facebook-his-mother-found-out-and-decided-to-write-him-this-letter)

    Zach needs not to worry any longer with such unconditional love and support being shown in his home. In fact, the only worry he has is getting ‘ants in his pants’, it appears.

    Bringing it back to some sadder news: Some of these bigots are going as far as travelling to other countries/continents to spread this hate. However, this is where our strength is surely noticed.

    There is an American pastor called Lou Engle, whose infamy for anti-gay campaigns echoes the globe. His religious ideology is so extremist; it elevates Uganda’s atrocious homosexuality view on to a high pedestal. He believes that the Ugandan Church is a Divine prophesy that should be worshipped and forced upon.

    Engle had plans to fly from America to Geneva to attend an event called TheCall which aimed at titling Geneva as the ‘city of righteous influence’, via way of fasting, prayer and purification of the mind, as this, he claims, is what God wants for humanity; this is, of course, another way of brainwashing people in to adopting his controversial beliefs. He wanted to spread his repressive idealism to this city. I use the past tense for a reason.

    Thanks to AllOut and the LGBT+ supporters coming together and protesting, Lou Engle pulled out of the event, and cancelled the visit, altogether. We are acquiring a relentless strength and courage, as well as shaking ancient pedagogies by standing up and fighting back.

    There may be fewer of us, but together our love and compassion will overthrow hate. Religious preaching is guilty of the biggest irony of them all.

    Selective Love.

    By this I mean, humans can let themselves be influenced by ideologies, such as the need for love and acceptance for one another, yet to these same people it appears normal to stone, imprison, humiliate or kill a person for loving someone of the same sex?

    Correct me if I am wrong, but does it not say in the Bible: Mark 12:31: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself”?

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | what’s wrong with being Mr Average

    Pride season is well and truly underway, and we have many reasons to celebrate this year but why do I feel increasingly isolated from my community?

    As a gay community we were supposed to be inclusive and non-judgemental of other people but these days there really is no truth to that anymore. As a homosexual in his late 30s I’m practically already dead, over the hill etc etc, and as stupid and wrong as that is, it is only the tip of the iceberg of the problems that are currently infecting the gay community all over the world.

    SOCIAL MEDIA
    One of the biggest issues I have today is Gay / Social media and the constant in your face pictures of “muscle men” as being the ONLY form of male that is apparently attractive, it’s so constant and aggressive that I think the younger generation have developed a skewed perception of what makes an attractive man.

    Every single day on my friends’ timelines and news feeds, anytime a picture is posted of an “attractive” man (famous or a cheeky pic of someone on the train) you can absolutely guarantee it’s somebody muscles or a digitally enhanced six pack, yes it’s lovely to look at a nice body, but it’s also incredibly tiresome when you see picture after picture, day after day of men with bodies that look exactly the same as each other.

    It all has a ripple effect and that’s never more apparent when you’re using a gay dating app. The amount of times I have been asked for a “body pic” and when I say no, it’s either usually no more reply or “is it cos you’re fat?” and by “fat” it now generally means you don’t have a toned or muscled body. I find that incredibly sad and worrying.

    There are plenty of attractive men out there that don’t have 6-day-a-week-gym-bodies but you wouldn’t know they existed, and you won’t see them on the cover of magazines or in silly “Top 10 Hunks” columns.

    We have been wiped out in terms of media, we don’t exist anymore, we are dead.

    Perhaps it’s time for the gay media to take some responsibility and start including people who don’t have those “desirable” muscles and bodies in their photo-shoots, imagine how incredible that would be, how liberating the positive long-term effects it would have.

    In the 21st century we are finally starting to be awarded the equal rights that any human being should have, but what good is equality when a large part of the community is increasingly being isolated or forgotten about by gay / social media.

    Most gay men don’t have the perfect body, or the perfect job with a jet-setting lifestyle that all gay men apparently seem to have and if we don’t we are constantly trying to be sold that lifestyle whether you like it or not.

    There is nothing wrong with being “Mr Average” with a perfectly normal non-gym body.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Rise Like A Mockingjay

    Has Austria given the world a new symbol of hope? Like, I don’t know, Katniss Everdeen? I too felt like raising my three middle fingers in support of Conchita Wurst.

    Like most of the world, I am sure you were in awe at Austria’s entry of the Eurovision Song Contest. It sent shivers as well as butterflies through one’s body. The powerful voice of Conchita filled our ears with delicious harmony, as well as lyrically astounding us.

    There is one thing about her journey that struck me sideways. Despite criticism and idiocy from close-minded bigots, Conchita triggers thoughts of a familiar struggle that, at one point in every gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender’s life, they have gone through and therefore can relate to. For those Hunger Games fanatics and acquaintances, this struggle resonates Katniss’s turmoil when defending her own kind who had been, for seventy five years, ostracised, marginalised and made to live their lives as sacrificial, by the Capitol. The Capitol has a lot to answer for, as they do not want to change, in fact what they want to do is to boycott and silence these protests.

    Is that ringing any bells?

    What were Russia, Belarus and Ukraine trying to do during the Eurovision week?

    I will leave that rhetorical. As I can hear the pennies dropping in your minds.

    Watching the Final was mesmerising and ethereal. I was expecting Conchita’s dress to turn in to ‘Flame’ and her nodding to, a Cinna like person, in the audience as confirmation of the rebellious movement. What really got me were the fire-like wings behind her, on the screen, as Conchita Wurst beautifully bursts in to the last Rise Like A Phoenix chorus.

    The victory was not just about the song and the artist, but it was another triumph for LGBT community’s voice being heard and expressed. It makes me wonder if this same song was played five years ago, would it have had the same effect? Or was it the fact that the world’s views have strengthened in relation to LGBT rights?

    2014 has been a year of so many firsts:
    29th March: Gay Weddings, making it a live broadcast for all to see and celebrate with the happy couple. United Nations advances its stand on Gay Rights with Bollywood style music video depicting a welcoming of a homosexual couple to one’s family.
    Conchita Wurst creates a storm within East Europe and the World with her sheer confidence and ambition. Where to end? This is the beginning.

    As many countries such as Uganda, Nigeria, Kenya, have views that are eerily intensifying, there is a pleasing air of acceptance around the communities in the Western Culture where it feels okay to hold a hand or kiss someone of the same sex, or even to tell your Mum or Dad who you really are.

    Thank you Conchita Wurst for the emancipation of LGBT presence. We all raise our three fingers to you.

    Keep that Bird Rising!

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Our Gay Wedding: The Musical – A Cringey Cliché Too Far?

    OMG… OMG! From the first utterance of those words at the beginning of Our Gay Wedding: The Musical, I knew that it was going to be just as awful as I was expecting it to be. Featuring the marriage of Ben and Nathan, I feared that showing something like this on television would reinforce stereotypes and not do our cause any good. Sadly I feel I have been proven correct.

    It’s the reinforcement of stereotypes that is my biggest bug bear with the show. For so long there has been a struggle for acceptance, both socially and legally. Barriers have been broken down through those struggles. We have gone from being considered illegal to now being able to marry. There are now more positive and realistic representations of gay people in the public eye instead of the usual camp clichés of yesteryear and that has gone some way in changing the public’s perception of homosexuals. I see that as a massive step in the right direction.

    I recently wrote about the battle for social equality now that we pretty much have full legal equality. I feel that battle is not going to be won with shows like this taking place. All this wedding will do is show gay people to be fabulous, camp stereotypes. That really isn’t the case. We are not all fabulous and most of us are not that camp.

    While I will always defend someone’s right to live in the way they choose, I have to question why Ben and Nathan chose to conduct their wedding in this way. I would be interested to know whether they considered the bigger picture and how it could lead to gay people being perceived in a negative way.

    My opinion is that Our Gay Wedding: The Musical has done us no favours whatsoever, but part of me also has to admire Ben and Nathan. A lot of hard work and effort clearly went into the show. To write, produce and co-ordinate something like this would take meticulous planning and I can only applaud the happy couple on that front. I also thought it was a good call to have a section on gay history and the journey to where we are now. However, despite those positives, the show really wasn’t my thing. It made me cringe. I’m already receiving messages from straight people I know saying how fabulous it was and how the now married couple are so cute, as if objects rather than people.

    I do wish Ben and Nathan all the happiness in the world, though. In the same way that I wish every gay couple getting married all the happiness they deserve. As the happy couple put it themselves, love is everyone. It’s a sentiment I entirely agree with.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION: Cure Me I’m Gay – A Reflection

    Channel Four aired “Cure me, I’m gay” in which Dr Christian Jessen went undercover to see what gay conversion therapies are offered.

    Over the course of the programme we saw him vomiting over himself, using self-help techniques, attend an exorcism and colour in a brain with wax crayons to show where his same sex desires lay. Predictably the explanations offered were around that all gay men have a distant father or were abused as a child. By the end of the programme, the good doctor retook a test to see where his sexual attraction was. He was still 100% gay.

    Conversion therapy has been around in many forms and for as long as therapy itself. Previously electro shock therapy and aversion therapy were the most well-known forms. It speaks volumes that the American Psychiatric Association, UK council for psychotherapy and the BACP have all spoken out against the so called “reparative” therapies in the past.

    In 2012 the British association of Counsellors and psychotherapist’s chose to write directly to its members to advise that it now opposes ‘any psychological treatment such as ‘reparative’ or ‘conversion’ therapy which are based upon the assumption that homosexuality is a mental disorder, or based on the premise that the client/patient should change his/her sexuality.’

    As this is the largest professional body of psychotherapists it was an important move and showed that as an industry, therapists were opposed to any kind of therapy that does not respect and support sexual orientation.

    In the past there have been some pretty horrific examples of conversion therapy:

    • In 2012, GP Marc Craddock, a doctor in Sydney Australia was struck off for prescribing a chemical castration drug for use as a gay cure to an 18 year old man.
    • In 2012, Lesley Pilkington, a Christian psychotherapist appealed against a BACP ruling that she was negligent for offering to change a client’s sexuality.
    • Dr Paul Miller would encourage clients to become sexually aroused in therapy sessions and believed that all homosexuality stemmed from the lack of a father figure. He previously ran the Abeo umbrella organisation for therapists looking to practise gay conversion therapy
    • During an undercover investigation back in 2010 for the Independent, reporter Patrick Studwick was told that it was “very Likely” that he had been abused as child and this had caused his homosexuality, oh and AIDS can be cured by prayer.
    These are the types of people that say that I’m mentally ill or under a prolonged psychosis.

    I think it is worth revisiting Freud at this point. Sigmund Freud is of course the founding father of psychiatry. In 1935, a mother wrote to him asking him to cure her son’s sexuality. Freud’s response was:

    “Homosexuality is assuredly no advantage, but it is nothing to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation; it cannot be classified as an illness; we consider it to be a variation of the sexual function, produced by a certain arrest of sexual development. Many highly respectable individuals of ancient and modern times have been homosexuals, several of the greatest men among them. (Plato, Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, etc). It is a great injustice to persecute homosexuality as a crime –and a cruelty, too.”

    As a therapist myself I find it abhorrent that in 2014 reparative therapy is still offered. To think that clients who are clearly suffering from a huge amount of shame and guilt over their sexuality that they would go to a therapist is heart-breaking.

    To think they are delivered to a therapist who would not help and support them in their journey towards self-acceptance but instead strengthen the belief that something is wrong angers me more than I can ever express. The programme certainly offered some good discussion but all in all just highlighted that conversion therapy is flawed and shows no evidence of being effective, helpful or of any value to those undertaking it.

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