I used to be a regular on Gaydar chat. I enjoyed that it was all-encompassing; in that, I could elect to be in rooms that were either fetish or location driven and that I could see them all at the same time. Then one night it all changed as Gaydar had a makeover. Less of a makeover really, more of a demolition.
It went from being something similar to a magazine one might find on the top shelf in the newsagents and changed in likeness to the reading material in a doctors or solicitors waiting room.
It had metamorphosed into what I would describe as “coffee shop gay”, having been ethically and morally cleansed, and coming out the other side as Conservative with a small “c.”
There are those who are still reeling from the change to the site. I laid a small posy on my router to mark its passing. I sent an email to PinkNews asking they put a notice of obituary as a gesture at its loss.
Then came the attempted resurrection, the chat facility had a couple of new rollouts. Early indications suggested from my appraisal it had been written by someone in London who felt the place was the centre of the gay world as whilst there were rooms for every direction in the capital those of us from the provincial hinterlands were left out in the cold, though this was subsequently addressed.
I try it again every month or so. I miss it. Reminds of the line in the Billy Joel song Italian Restaurant “but you can never go back there again,” because it has changed and so have I.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
In my mind, this is how I imagine the closet to be. A crowded dim place, smelling of hay, stale clothes, and dried semen. Somewhere a dog had whimpered, but now fallen quiet having relieved itself. The warm stench of canine urine adds to the atmosphere. The silence is broken only by the notification sounds of mobile phones.
Once in this dank place, men stood shoulder to shoulder, but these days there is more space as most have one hand held high trying to get a signal on their mobile device. Where previously the darkness was only ever broken by someone “coming out” and leaving the door ajar, now there is the constant glimmer from various apps as men try to hook up.
Thirty years ago it was all so different. The rural closet of old, required an energy and commitment. Some might even say it was healthier; as before technology brought available cock through the electronic ether, men cruised and cottaged.
There was a community of nodding acquaintances. Friendships were created through the frequenting of a familiar hunting ground. Regulars were known and most visited at around the same time of the day and night, on their way to and from work, or perhaps walking the dog later at night.
Knowledge and warnings were shared of those who could be discrete, others who could not be trusted and some who engaged in unsafe acts. Some would come and go in total anonymity, their only desire being to purge themselves of an urge, by way of quick grope and fondle of another similarly excited.
The characters had nicknames such as Picnic Paul, or Coral Colin, the Raven, Whopper of a chopper, earned from bringing a sandwich and a flask, working at the local bookies, just watching and never playing and an endowment to behold.
There was a sense of camaraderie, people watched out for each other, and even cared to inquire if someone was not seen for a while, “Is he ill?”, “What’s the matter; cock gone soft?”, “Warned off by the Police”, and the worse thing of all that could happen?
“Prosecuted for importuning and named in the papers!”
The fellowship that was once synonymous with the male seeking like-minded company would often take up a whole evening for no reward. Then quite by chance, it could sometimes pay dividends with a little pleasure and relief. I remember being told it’s not what you get, for it does not last that long; it is more the thrill of the chase.
The meeting places of convenience by name and nature are mainly boarded up, demolished or converted to snack bars on the highways and byways. The cruising grounds are still there but now, a more aware public is suspicious of a man alone.
Not all change is for the best. Some if it although safer now lacks humanity, being so clinical, so antisocial and just seems to be nothing more than”a meat rack in the cloud.”
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
LGBTQIAPK – Has it all gone too far? – A follow up
The rationale behind the question was about division by classification. Is this a form of segregation?
Is it a division any group would allow; if it were not a self-imposed segregation?
When segregation has been imposed historically by authority it has created alienation and not promoted inclusion. How is this different?
There appear to be 3 distinct groups, Heterosexuality, LGBT+, and the groups and acts that are illegal.
“I am a man, and a gay man at that, but I am not LGBT+. Where does LGBT+ exist? It exists in the policy documents of local authorities and on the pages of corporate propaganda”
Is LGBT+ just political? I sometimes feel like a unit of currency or a pawn in someone else’s game. I am not a stepping stone for someone’s political ambition or career. I am a man, and a gay man at that, but I am not LGBT+.
Where does LGBT+ exist? In someone’s mind or the minds of some, but perhaps not the consciousness of the masses. It exists in the policy documents of local authorities and on the pages of corporate propaganda. It exists in some places in London, perhaps many. If London is the epicentre of LGBT+ in the UK, then like a pebble dropped in a pool the ripple weakens as it moves further out.
I liken LGBT+ to the Euro and Gay to the pound. They are fast getting to be worth the same. Spending the Euro is possible in London, but try that currency in almost any village in the country and it will be rejected. The pound may sometimes be “the only gay in the village,” but in the UK it is more credible.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
When I was young gay bars and nightclubs were at the height of popularity and exclusively gay. I had no trouble finding men and no intention of settling down with one. Why have the same meal every day when all the menu was there to be sampled?
In my 30s I struggled and became distant from the “scene.” It was at this juncture I discovered the part-time poof. Straight in everyday life, some even married; but all with a high sex drive, just needing a discrete and understanding friend. Some regulars lasted for years. This was in the days before the Internet and mobile phones. I was a safe option and a place to develop themes and try out new things they could never do anywhere else.
In my 40s I was a publican. It’s true, so often “The difference between a straight and gay man is about 8 pints”.
The problem is when sober, some feel they have been duped as they cannot accept self-responsibility and others can be convinced to do it again, but they want free beer. Free beer is never a good thing, it is just like paying for it and I was not up for that.
When I left the pub trade I entered a barren wasteland of no sex and no gay contact. The problem was I had committed the worst of gay sins by getting old and overweight.
Experience counts. I had quite a lot of the play with part-time poofs into kinks. Oh the delights of BDSM. I do like a younger man. Those who would never look at me twice in the real world, fall at my feet to serve when I am an expert in their fetishes. Now it seems I am to grow old disgracefully, an ageing kinkster in the twilight of his perversion.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
The research found Tinder users reported lower levels of satisfaction with their faces and higher levels of shame about their bodies. And users were also more likely to view their bodies as sexual objects.
This is hardly surprising given that Tinder’s “evaluative factors” have the potential to intensify preexisting cultural beauty ideals. The app’s “swipe right to dismiss” facility, along with the limited number of words a user can write on their profile means appearance take centre stage. In other words, the more conventionally attractive your photos are, the more likely you are to be clicked, swiped or hit upon by other users.
But whether men use Tinder or not, most will report dissatisfaction with some aspect of their appearance. This could be anything from height, body hair, muscularity, skin tautness, shoe size, penis size, facial symmetry, head hair amount and more. Sadly there are few areas of the body men do not find fault with.
The body beautiful?
Over the last few decades, boys’ and men’s appearances have come under increasing scrutiny. This is largely because in the 1980s businesses finally started exploiting a relatively untapped market: the appearance insecurities of men.
To demonstrate – today men are sold anti-cellulite cream for their pecs, hair transplants for their facial hair and “manscara” for their eyes. Then there are the boys’ action dolls that have gained muscle and lost body fat with each successive edition. Add this to the fact that 80% of the men featured in popular media such as Men’s Health magazine are of a muscular body build – with many of these models taking drastic measures in the weeks leading up to photos shoots to make sure they look lean.
These models also tend to have a full head of hair and symmetrical faces. The same goes for porn sites – where almost all of the men featured are equally ripped and stereotypically “handsome”.
Love your selfie. Shutterstock
It’s unsurprising then that boys today feel they are growing up in a world which focuses heavily upon their appearance. Of course, this is a problem that has plagued women and girls for decades. And in the way that this has impacted girls for so long, now this pressure is impacting on boys’ well-being. One recent study found almost one in five boys had resorted to diet pills, purging, skipping meals, steroids or tanning products to change their appearance.
White washing
But beyond appearance pressures, dating apps are doubly damaging because they often operate in a sphere where sexual racism is commonplace.
The dating app OKCupid recently analysed sexual racism among 1m of its male site users. The company found that compared to black, Asian or minority ethnic users, white users got more messages. White users were also found to be less likely to reply or match with users of a different race to themselves, and more likely to question interracial marriage.
Online dating comes with its own rules, preferences and prejudices. Shutterstock
Recent research from Australia also found that 15% of gay men on the dating app Grindr included sexual racism on their profiles. This was more likely to be the case if the profile user was white, and if the user held broader racist views.
I too have noticed gay men who write offensive terms that specify race preferences on their profiles – such as “Black=block”, “no gaysians” or even “no chocolate or rice”. In its terms and conditions, Grindr bans offensive speech. Which is in part why, three years ago, I started a Twitter account, @GrindrRacism to encourage Grindr to remove offensive profiles. Disappointingly Grindr has often been slow to act though – meaning sexual racism is still present on the app.
Dating elite
Of course apps aren’t the cause of racism around sexual preferences. Instead like appearance pressures, users are influenced by what’s going on in wider society. By not tackling those problems in society, however, – for example cracking down on offensive speech – apps can act as enablers for racism and insecurity.
Ultimately given that more people are using dating apps than ever before, they need to work for everyone – not just those who are “attractive” or white.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Performance artist Nando Messias shares some tips on how to survive when you’re an effeminate man.
For more insights come see Where 4 Roads Meet: Death and the Sissy, showing at Toynbee Studios on the 12th of October. Tickets on sale now.
1. Pile on the makeup
As war paint, like Quentin Crisp, “blinded by mascara and dumb by lipstick.” Don’t listen to the objections. No matter what you do, you will always look like a girl and you will most definitely always stand out. So have fun. As jeweller Harry Winston put it: “People will stare. Make it worth their while.”
2. Wear a bold perfume
Choose any of the following: Poison, Opium, Coco, Amarige, Angel or Insolence. Aromatics Elixir if you don’t like florals and Giorgio If you’re on a tight budget. I wear Fracas myself but you can’t have that because it’s mine. Anything with a huge sillage will do the job. Throw caution to the wind and douse yourself with gay abandon. The effect you want is that of an invisible protective shield around you. It might not ward off the haters but it should at least keep mosquitoes away in summer.
3. Carry stiletto heels
My strong advice is to wear stiletto heels on all occasions. Failing that, carry a pair in your bag at all times. The thinner the heel, the better. If in danger, run. Mind, you might stumble, so practice in advance. If you choose not to run, you can always use the heels as weapons.
4. Wear a cape
This is genuine advice I actually received from a police officer following a bashing I suffered once. “Next time,” he suggested, “wear a cape until you arrive at your destination.” A cape! A mother-fu*king, sodding, cape. As if A CAPE would make me any less conspicuous. Perhaps if I added a top hat and a walking stick, people might mistake me for Count Dracula and then I would fit right in, officer.
5. Take taxis wherever you go
Or, even better, hire a driver-bodyguard. You know you deserve one.
6. Take self-defence classes
But only in heels and makeup.
7. Become a recluse
Refuse to come out. You might become a legend like Greta Garbo or Maria Callas.
8. Become an artist
It’s worked for me and generations of effeminate men before me. I went down the performance art route myself and have been warmly embraced by a coterie of fabulous misfits I now call family.
Somehow I seem to have survived as an effeminate man. Don’t erase your difference. Don’t try to fit into a mould. And whatever you do, stay safe and don’t let the bastards grind you down! Remember Madonna: “and if I fall, I get up again now, I get up again, over and over…”
For more insights come see Where 4 Roads Meet: Death and the Sissy, showing at Toynbee Studios on the 12th of October. Tickets on sale now.
by Nando Messias
Nando Messias‘ work straddles performance art, dance and theatre. His performances combine beautiful images with a fierce critique of gender, visibility and violence. He has performed at prestigious venues such as Hayward Gallery, V&A, Tate Tanks, Roundhouse, Royal Vauxhall Tavern, Tate Britain and ICA, among other spaces across the UK. He has also worked extensively on the international circuit.
“Well, we have a rota. I do Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. He does the Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. On Tuesdays we both take a day off to chop wood.”
The answer is as stupid as the question. Do these questions deserve sarcasm or genuine explanation? Is it really offensive to have bizarre remarks or questions thrown at you by straight people?
1) Some of my best friends are gay:
Yay! I’d shout it loud too if I had some gay best friends. We’re great to have around. We’re behind lots of the most innovative stuff going off in Britain. We design great clothes, produce great comedy, music, films, fiction and theatre. We’re often stylish and witty. We’re may actually be the new master race! Shouldn’t we let them be proud they’re our friends? Most modern women’s fiction characters have a gay best friend. We’re top of the must have list for 2012.
2) How old were you when you knew you were gay?
Well, ten out of ten for having an inquiring mind. I applaud this question. Not easy to answer always and it usually gets a stunned silence when I tell them I was 5. I like to quantify it too by explaining that lots of people don’t realise till they’re much older and there isn’t actually a rule. In fact, there’s not actually a need to define yourself as gay or straight or bisexual, unless you really want to or are backed into a corner by a gunman.
3) So, which one of you two is the girl?
Now, this is a complicated one. Who can blame them for asking? Do they mean sex or domesticity? Our sex lives are full of possibilities. Of course, we intrigue. People love to know what goes where. We can be as puzzling as a diagram for a flat pack wardrobe. It’s even more puzzling if we have fetishes or a dislike of penetrative sex or a non-conventional relationship. As for domestic arrangements go: sadly the average straight couple still fulfil lots of stereotypical gender roles. Childcare and household duties are still often predominantly female activities. Sure, people wonder which one of us can use the drill and which one can sew curtains. My partner and I are a real puzzle. I like to clean and he doesn’t. I can’t thread a needle and he can sew beautifully. We can, however, both cook well and are both quite nurturing. We can both happily do traditional men’s roles around the house too but power tools scare me. I watched too much Casualty as a teenager. He’s in charge of the drill.
4) How did you know you were gay?
Erm. Well, there are these things called men and I quite fancy them. So much so in fact that I want to have sex with them. That was pretty much a giveaway. The rest is history.
5) So you gays all like Kylie/Musical Theatre/want to come on my hen party wearing a pink Stetson?
We don’t all fit the clichés. Lots of us do and that’s fine. That’s how stereotypes develop. It’s fine to love Kylie, fine to want to drink Barcadi Breezers whilst wearing a pink Stetson and fine to be able to hum all the tunes to The Sound of Music. It’s also fine not to. I can hum the tunes. The other two are a big fat NO. We’re not all anally retentive clean freaks and we’re not all cute, camp or foppish. Life might be easier if we could all be compartmentalised and fitted neatly into our assigned boxes but it’s much more interesting that we don’t.
6) Gays are so bitchy. Really?
Well if you want that I can have a go. Fasten yourself in and I’ll begin.
Maybe it’s better that people do ask. We should encourage dumb remarks and seemingly stupid questions. I’m a firm believer in there being no such thing as a stupid question. It’s much more dangerous to not ask and remain ignorant. It’s our opportunity to break down barriers and try to dent those stereotypes. We should be on a mission to inform. If we can be bothered. Otherwise, sarcasm helps.
Why is it so often the case that the struggle for equality can feel like one step forward and three back?
In the UK, equalities minister Justine Greening has announced plans to allow trans people to change their gender more easily, with less intrusive medical assessments, as part of a welcome shake up of equalities legislation. It’ll also be easier for gay men to give blood. This is good news, and updates to the Gender Recognition Act have to be welcomed.
On the other side of the Atlantic, our American friends have taken a few steps back, after President Trump’s ban on transgender people serving in the military, proving that pointless and nasty political tokenism is alive and well in the west. In-keeping with Trump’s consistency as a president thus far, the legislation is poorly thought-through, with no obvious route to implementation. Hopefully, it will be quickly struck down.We can’t afford to be sanguine about gay rights in the UK, and although most of us agree there is still some way to go, there are areas of disagreement over what to prioritise in moving towards equality. Because of my own experiences, one area I am passionate about is addressing the reality that homophobia affects more than just gay people. Bear with me on this if it’s not something you’ve previously considered. It’s great and right that we can report homophobic abuse to the police and have it taken very seriously (speaking from experience), but the story doesn’t begin and end there. Homophobia isn’t self-contained.
“…My parents received an ultimatum from one of my siblings:
boycott the wedding and disown me,
or have their grandchildren removed from their lives.
When my husband and I announced our engagement and intention to marry, my parents received an ultimatum from one of my siblings: boycott the wedding and disown me, or have their grandchildren removed from their lives. My parents attended my wedding and are no longer a part of those grandchildren’s lives. Yet my father’s thriving business was taken over by his homophobic child, and their wedding and a deposit for their first home was lovingly paid for out of my parents’ pockets. Prior to my husband and me tying the knot, my parents played a full and active role in that child’s life, and even more so once the grandchildren arrived, who adored their grandparents.
At first, they tried mediation. Their requests were ignored.They were so desperate to be reunited with their grandchildren that they used their life savings and pursued their last legal option, taking their case to the family courts. There, they found that the organisation Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) doesn’t take matters like homophobia into account in assessing what is best for children. As long as children are being looked after at home, then matters like their parents’ homophobic views and actions hold no weight. Similarly, grandparents have few, if any, access rights to their grandchildren. Most cases like this are as a result of acrimonious divorce, and grandparents on one side or the other invariably lose. Ultimately, in this instance, the judge repeatedly commented that she considered it a profoundly sad case and was aware of the gross injustice my parents were fighting, but was powerless even under these circumstances, with homophobic motivations on the other side, to grant my parents direct access, offering indirect access instead.
Believe it or not, the consolation prize was a better outcome than my parents had been briefed to expect. A different judge may have dismissed it outright.
Parents get to decide who can and cannot see their children, and bring them up in a homophobic household if they wish.
One major concern here though: what if a child in such a household is gay? There is a reason suicide rates in gay people is higher than average, and family hostility almost always plays a major part in such tragic cases.
It is clear to me that my parents are the victims of homophobia which has, in their old age, destroyed their happiness. They have reached the end of the road and now have to accept the outcome. This strikes me as a grievous wrong, and I hope many readers feel the same.
So what of the indirect victims of homophobia? I would be interested to hear others’ views, especially if anyone has known a remotely comparable situation. Whilst the homophobia my husband and I have suffered from within my family has been hurtful, it has been easy, painless and for the best to simply sever contact with the sources.
My parents’ suffering goes on. They are the real victims of homophobia here, not me.
For fear of further reprisals, the author wishes to remain anonymous, but please post your comments below.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Every year at THEGAYUK we list the films and stars that should win the Oscar picked from films that people have actually seen as opposed to over rated critics favourites that couldn’t sell a tub of popcorn in a million years.
CREDIT: DWilliams / CC / Pixabay
None of the top twenty most viewed films of the last year are up for any of the important Oscars which shows the disconnect from what the chattering coffee swilling elite of Soho want you to see – usually involving an ex-war refugee with family issues and a terminal illness as opposed to the latest Star Wars, Pixar or Superhero which actually put bums on seats and made it way beyond a single art house screen in a leafy part of West London.
Has anyone actually seen Moonlight, Hidden Figures,Loving or Fences anyway and if you have, tune in on Feb 26th to see the results from The Kodak Theatre with the ever decreasing viewing figures the show now attracts.
If you are a movie fan read on and see what the Oscars should be like if they gave statuettes to people and films folks have heard off.
BEST PICTURE – Should Win:Hacksaw Ridge…Will Win:La La Land(The most predicatble in years watch those viewing figures plummet)
BEST ACTOR – Should Win: Channing Tatum’s 12 incher in Vacation or Andrew Garfield/Hacksaw Ridge…Will Win: Casey Affleck/Manchester By The Sea (Total yawnfest).
BEST ACTRESS – Should Win: Amy Adams/Arrival…Will Win: Natalie Portman/Jackie (Pure boring Oscar bate, not made to entertain but just collect gongs)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR – Should Win: Chris Pratt’s naked ass in Passengers or John Goodman/10 Cloverfield Lane…Will Win: Mahershala Ali/Moonlight.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS – Should Win: Nicole Kidman/Lion… Will Win:Viola Davis/Fences.
ANIMATION – Should Win: Sam Worthington’s acting or The Secret Life of Pets… Zootopia Will Win: (Because it’s about serious issues!)
Best Foreigh Language Film – No such thing!
Costume Design – Should Win:Fantastic Beasts & Where To Find Them…Will Win:Jackie (1963 is so hard to do!)
Directing – Should Win: Damien Chazelle/La La Land… agreed!
Editing – Should Win:Hacksaw Ridge…..Will Win:La La Land (Long tracking shots are hardly editing but it was shot in the Hollywood Hills so…)
Make Up & Hair styling – Should Win:Suicide Squad… Will Win:Harley Quinn and her mates, yippee a Superhero Oscar.
Music – Should Win:Eddie The Eagle (Pure 80’s Pop)… Will Win:La La Land (Because it is so full of hit songs… not!)
Original Song – Should Win:Can’t Stop The Feeling/Justin Trousersnake from Trolls… Will Win:City of bloody Stars (that will get you dancing if you don’t have a pulse)
Sound Mixing – Should Win:Rogue One : A Star Wars Story…Will Win:La La Land as the voters don’t really know what Sound Mixing is but it’s a musical so it must have some, right?
Visual Effects –Should Win:Brexit or Doctor Strange… Will Win:The Jungle Book (We won’t complain either way on these two)
Adapted Screenplay – Should Win:Arrival…Will Win:Moonlight (God help us – we give up!)
Original Screenplay – Should Win:Deadpool…Will Win:La La Land (you bored yet?)
The Gay Oscar Film of the Year – Absolutely Fabulous a real crowd pleaser.
Stunt of the year – Climbing into the Elephant’s asshole in Grimsby. Sascha Baron Cohen has the laugh out loud scene of the Year.
Hunk Of The Year – Zac Efron for his eight pack in Bad Neighbours 2 – We are counting down the days to those beach scenes in Baywatch.
Lifetime Gay UK Achievement Award – Jason Statham with The Mechanic: Resurrection making 29 films in a row where his shirt falls off showing his hairy chest and muscles.
Obituary of the Year – Martin Scorsese for Silence what on earth were you thinking man; with runner’s up the Ghostbusters franchise, anything with Daniel Radcliffe in and anyone who stayed awake all the way through The Revenant.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
What makes a gay icon I hear you ask? Well, there’s not actually a specific set of rules, if someone is an icon, it rarely needs to be said, it’s just known. But there are some celebrities who try desperately hard to obtain the status, and they are laughed at for the most part. I’ll start with these cases first. The ones who so desperately crave a “YAAAASSSS QUEEN” off the gay community, but mostly fall short. A gay icon is created without the need for effort. For the list, I’ll be concentrating on the icons who are currently alive, with an honour roll of icons past at the end.
1. Any member of the Kardashian/Jenner clan.
There I said it, I can hear the wails of anger already. To some, they are the epitome of an icon, but to most, they are shallow, money-hungry, low rent TV reality stars who only got famous after one of them slept with Brandy’s brother and had the tape “leaked”. No one can actually point out specifically what they do. They are famous, merely for being famous. The only good thing they have going for them is they know exactly how to exploit that. Not even Caitlyn Jenner can rescue them. Her “struggles” with coming out as transgender are so far removed from the actual hell that transgender people go through that she is almost universally hated by the LGBT community. These are not people to look up to.
2. Tori Spelling
When someone feels the need to boast about their gay icon status, they are not a gay icon. While a vocal supporter of the gay community, she is far removed from icon status. Having her friends tell her she’s a gay icon doesn’t count. She’s not exactly well known, and it’s unlikely she could command much of a crowd at any event. Yeah, she used to be in Beverly Hills 90210, but who really gives a shit?
3. Katie Hopkins
Oh, Ms Hopkins, you may want to be a gay icon, but this you never shall be. While some gays may like your no nonsense mouth, to most you’re just a loud mouthed harridan who revels in spewing vitriol and trying to be as controversial as possible. It takes class to be an icon, and Katie Hopkins is severely lacking in that. You need a certain gravitas to be able to pull off being a bitch and still be beloved.
4. Perez Hilton
His disgraceful Celebrity Big Brother stint pretty much destroyed any small hope he had of achieving icon status. Gossip monger by trade, he has always tried much too hard to be a gay icon, and it comes across as crass and disingenuous. He has a knack for really pissing people off, and like Ms Hopkins, he doesn’t have the proper qualifications for being bitchy and getting away with it
5. Milo Yiannopoulos
An avid Trump supporter and self-proclaimed “dangerous faggot” Yiannopoulos tries to shock and offend as much as possible and has said incredibly offensive things about transgender people. He is the ultimate in petulant, self-obsessed, narcissistic, nasty, vindictive and hateful gays. And while some people may agree with some of the things he says, he comes across as smarmy and greasy.
6. Nick Jonas
Yes, he’s got a hot body, and a bulge for days, but being a gay tease does not an icon make. People are starting to see through the blatant attempt to appeal to the gay community by posing in very little clothing and playing TV roles that involve man on man action, I’m half expecting his nudes to “leak” at some point when he needs a boost of gay male interest in an upcoming project.
7. Miley Cyrus
Her post-Hannah Montana days shenanigans were mildly entertaining at first, but then it all became rather desperate looking and uncomfortable. She fell out of favour fairly quickly with gay fans, and she never really achieved the status of icon in the first place, despite being an advocate for LGBT rights. She seemed to be desperate for the gays to love her and it riled a lot of people.
And now for some of the true gay icons. In no particular order. This is a difficult list to narrow down because many people are considered gay icons. But there are some who stand out above the rest as the ultimate in enduring gay icons. You can’t hear their name without thinking “gay icon”
CREDIT: kathclick /BigStock
1. Dolly Parton
The queen of cheap and tacky, but amazing with it. Her look, her quirky southern charm, her infamous ahem assets and her attitude are forever endearing to the community. There will always be a Dolly tune you can rock out to, or find solace in. She is a true icon without having to be boastful. She is grateful and loving and supportive. That makes us love Ms Parton.
2. Sir Ian McKellan
Come on people, he’s Gandalf and Magneto, and a massive advocate for the gay community. He’s the true stately homo, with dignity and class, and his bromance with Captain Picard makes the nerd in us scream with excitement. He also loves attending Pride events, and has been known to be found at 3am outside a club, smoking and hobnobbing with fans. A proper British institution.
3. Cher
The big kahuna herself, and when the apocalypse happens, there will be only three things left, Cockroaches, Twinkies and Cher. Not much needs to be said as to why she is a gay icon. She’s bitchy, fabulous and a drag queen’s dream. Her costumes, stage performances and films and TV appearances bring out the queen in all of us. Plus she’s so famous she doesn’t need to know how to order pizza (according to Kathy Griffin) and no one cares. She is one of the ultimate gay icons. She’s Cher bitch!!
4. Betty White
If there’s anything better than sliced bread (she was born before it was even invented) it’s the only remaining Golden Girl herself, Betty White. She’s the matriarch of gay icons, and at 95, she is still rocking and beloved by all. There really isn’t anything bad you can say about this woman, and long may she continue to entertain us. And as the younger generation find out about The Golden Girls, they too will fall in love with Rose Nylund.
5. RuPaul
The drag mother himself, RuPaul has entertained fans for many years. Never one to mince words, RuPaul found fame in 1993 after the song “Supermodel” came out, but it was 2009 that saw his star truly rise when a little show called RuPaul’s Drag Race came thundering onto our screens, and nearly 9 seasons later the show goes from strength to strength, and also reintroduced us to RuPaul’s cohort, Michelle Visage, who is somewhat of a gay icon herself, due to her unwavering vocal support of a community who took her to their hearts.
6. Ellen DeGeneres
Her reminder of “be kind to one another” strikes a chord in the community and her warmth and generosity towards others can only make people smile. She rose from a little-known stand-up comedian to one of the most watched women on TV. People love Ellen, and her gay icon status is very much deserved. She doesn’t take herself seriously and proves that it’s OK to be gay and live a normal life without shame or guilt. A truly inspirational woman.
7. Stephen Fry
I would be hard pushed not to put bitingly witty, intelligent, charming and all round fabulous person Stephen Fry on this list. From the days of Blackadder to the presenter of QI, Fry has been an icon for a long time. He has been voted numerous times as an ultimate gay icon and it’s not hard to see why. His eloquent way of speaking and conducting himself appeals to many fans alike.
8. Madonna
Anyone who can bring voguing into the mainstream deserves a place among the icons. The Queen of Pop and reinvention herself has been popular for 30 years, and to this day still commands massive crowds. Gay fans flocked to Madonna and her ridiculously catchy dance tunes will still get many a gay on the dance floor, and while she may not be as popular as she once, there’s still only one Madonna.
9. Diana Ross
With a gay anthem like “I’m coming out” Diana Ross with all her glittery outfits, and diva-like behaviour screams gay icon. Having a career that’s lasted since God’s dog was a puppy also helps. She’s also probably the only woman to shut down West Hollywood so she could film a music video with RuPaul and 200 drag queens. Gay Icon certified.
10. Bette Midler
Miss Midler was performing in gay venues in the 70s after seeing the positive reaction from the LGBT crowd, and then in 1993, she achieved gay cult status as Winifred Sanderson in Hocus Pocus. Her glittery stage presence and music is always a hit amongst the gay crowd, and while occasionally she has put foot in mouth, her iconic status cannot be refuted.
Some of you may ask why I haven’t included people like Britney, Beyonce or Lady Gaga, Well I’ll explain. The icons I chose have been talking points for a very long time, and I can see them still being talked about long after they are no longer with us. Gaga et al, still have a way to go before true icon status is achieved, and while they have an icon-like following, in my eyes they aren’t legendary…yet!
Honour roll of past gay icons
Carrie Fisher
Joan Rivers
Bette Davies
Joan Crawford
David Bowie
Bea Arthur
Quentin Crisp
Divine
Judy Garland
Donna Summer
Harvey Milk
Marsha P Johnson
James Dean
Marlon Brando
Marlene Dietrich
Lucille Ball
Freddie Mercury
George Michael
Whitney Houston
Alan Turing
Marilyn Monroe
Mae West
Jackie Onassis
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Damaged Goods or just quirky? In this article, I’d like to look at the concept of “damaged goods” and what we think that means.
We’ve all heard of the term and most of us in one form or another believe we have baggage of some kind that we carry from one person to another. In recent years, I have seen examples of people that have carried around that the belief that in one form or another they are ‘damaged goods’. Their damage comes in all shapes and sizes, some of it small and ‘quirky’ and some of it far larger and core to who they believe they are.
But we can’t really talk about ‘goods’ without talking about baggage. Now we all have baggage in one for another. Experiences, both good and bad, have formed the person we are today and how we respond to different situations. To every relationship (romantic, business, family or friend) you will always bring with you those good and bad bags.
Good bags could be things like a sense of right and wrong, being a hard worker, kindness, care and attention or even an ability to listen. But what are some of the ‘not so good’ bags? Is there such a thing?
Examples of the ‘less that constructive’ emotional bags that people carry could be things like an inability to easily trust, a need for reassurance, over-reaction, inflexibility, selfishness or even a short fuse. All are examples of behaviours that when expressed lead to confusion, miscommunication and negative emotions.
A study conducted in 2014 and published in the Independent newspaper seemed to imply that gay relationships are more likely to be happy and content. But how can this be so? We all carry baggage in one form or another. We have all been bullied or oppressed in one form or another and the negative behaviours those experiences leave are powerful. I’ve seen relationships end due to ghosts of past horrors and indeed scars that have not healed in quite the way they should have.
On the flip side, because most of us have seen trouble in our lives does that mean we actively seek and protect what is more precious to us? That we learn from these experiences and seek out things that make us happy, together as a couple and not just as a sole survivor of life?
But if that’s true then why early this year in August 2016 was it shown that depression and low self-esteem was on the rise amongst gay men? If gay men don’t see themselves as worthy that belief will trickle into their relationships and their workings of that relationship. What becomes a little issue to one becomes a massive issue to another, purely because of the value we place on that issue. But everyone’s values are different so how can you possibly hope to know what it means 100% of the time? To a boy selling his cow at the Market a bean is a symbol of hope, but to the seller of the bean it is just a bean.
Having been there with depression I’d freely admit that I carry my own baggage (both constructive and non-constructive) and can see the situations that they can get you in. It’s taken me a good couple of years to accept and examine those goods and even now I admit that there could be more in my cargo hold that I’ve not seen yet.
The only piece of advice I can give anyone is to remember that we only see with our own eyes and we cannot see everything. As human beings, we cannot know everything and we cannot know what someone is thinking. The truth of the world is always changing depending on where you are standing, therefore keep moving. Look for another angle and you’ll get as close to a truth as you can, and you’d be surprised how often those ‘damaged goods’ are actually quirks that could be quite valuable.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Ultimately given that more people are using 
