THEGAYUK

Category: Grrr

  • Fairytale of New York, 2020 and still as problematic as ever

    Fairytale of New York, 2020 and still as problematic as ever

    It’s December 2020, and whilst there is some good news in the air surrounding three potential COVID vaccines, and yet, the age-old argument about the Fairytale of New York has reared its ugly head, because for six weeks of the year it’s apparently socially acceptable to be shouting across a bar, or nightclub: “You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy f******”. Oh yes. This one. Again. if you’re looking to start a nasty debate, this is the way to go.

    The argument for whether to play to song including the homophobic slur on the radio rears its head around this time every year for the last few years. However, in 2020, BBC Radio 1 made the decision to play a version of the Christmas classic with the infamous line edited so that it doesn’t offend their key demographic, 15-29, who probably don’t have the attachment of the word being a homophobic insult from a song that was written and released before they were born. BBC Radio 2, however, have made the decision to play it in its original format.

    A statement from the BBC read; “We know the song is considered a Christmas classic, and we will continue to play it this year, with our radio stations choosing the version of the song most relevant for their audience”.

    Bit odd isn’t it? It’s appropriate for the oldies, but not for the youngsters – how does that work?

    I feel I should clear something up right now. I am not suggesting for one minute that it’s only the Oldies that listen to Radio 2, rather than Radio 1, even though I’m still clinging on to their demographic. In fact, I would choose to listen to Radio 2 any day over Radio 1. So, what I find odd and quite frankly disturbing as to why in 2020 – we are even having this debate?

    Don’t get me wrong, I do love the song. I think it’s one of the best Christmas songs to be written, prior to Kelly Clarkson’s “Underneath the Tree”, but what just irks me is the groups of people, arms around each other, gleefully shouting a word that has been used for so many years to insult, belittle, scare and dehumanise LGBT+ people. I find it upsetting that we are still having to have this conversation and that people cannot see that that word still has a sting for many people.

    Personally, it doesn’t particularly bother me; I’ve been called it so many times that it’s water off a ducks back, but at the same time, do I want to be reminded of it every time it comes on the Radio? No! But the sting is still there. It is still a word that holds a lot of resentment and pain for many people. Whilst we’ve worked hard to reclaim words and turn them into positive terms of endearment – for many members of the LGBTQ community, this is just a step too far.

    But what we’ve seen so much of, this year, I think more than in previous years, is that those who are offended by it have been regarded as “snowflakes”, and suggesting that by censoring it, we are denying our culture as Brits. Ah there, it is. The homophobia that nobody is really talking about nowadays. We’re bringing sexuality and gender issues into a “Culture War”. Now that to me is very disturbing. We’ve seen this so-called “Culture War” flare up several times this year, whether it be around trans rights, which are human rights by the way – in case you hadn’t forgotten, or the Black Lives Matters movement. Anything supporting a minority is attacked for going against British values. Maybe I’m naive, but I thought it was more about common decency more than anything.

    People don’t seem to bat an eyelid about songs having words bleeped out for being rude, derogatory or offensive. Maybe the last time I remember was the mild controversy about Britney Spears suggestive “If You Seek Amy”, and even that was given a radio edit to replace a word, or in Scott Mills’ rather comical version; “Amy with Brass”.

    Maybe in 1987, it was okay for a word like “f******” to be heard on the radio; but let’s not forget that Section 28 was also brought in, just a year later. Things change; AND THAT’S OKAY! It’s okay to say now that things were different then, and we should make a positive change for the good of society. Even the song’s performers have said that it’s okay for words to be bleeped out that might cause offence, and Kirsty McColl even performed an alternative version of the song on Top of the Pops just a few years after its release. Nobody complained about it then.

    At the end of the day, nobody is stopping anyone from singing along to it in their car, but I think in the grand scheme of things if we just showed some respect to what everyone else’s opinions and values are, then we maybe wouldn’t have to have this conversation every year. But, honestly, if you’re fighting this hard for the original version of it being played on BBC Radio One; then I think you might need to have a good hard look at yourself. For a country that prides itself on equality and being equal. It should surprise me that we have to have these conversations, however, alas, I am not for one bit surprised. Why do you feel the need to shout that line across the bar? I can assure you that it says more about you, than those of us that wish to hear it censored.

  • COMMENT | “Straight men are an enigma for gay men. We want what we can’t have, and we go through periods of having feelings for people we shouldn’t”

    COMMENT | “Straight men are an enigma for gay men. We want what we can’t have, and we go through periods of having feelings for people we shouldn’t”

    Falling in love with the wrong person can be a difficult and painful thing to experience. For members of our community, this can be even hard because unrequited love is always the worst. I know many of you out there will have been through this at least once in your life. I’ve been through it too, on more than one occasion. You could say that I’m a masochist. I put my heart through that much trauma I’m surprised I’ve not given myself a heart attack.

    The first one was very traumatic. It lasted for about four years, and ultimately it cost me a lot. I lost close friends. I lost my integrity, and it also took a real toll on my mental health. I’ve always been honest with you; this time, I’m going to be brutal. For some, this will be a difficult read, but I think for some of you, you’ll be able to relate and if this helps one person to understand that this is a normal part of life, then I’ve achieved what I wanted to when I started writing this.

    It seems to be a rite of passage for gay men to fall in love with straight men and there is undoubtedly a social stigma that comes with it, that should it ever become public knowledge, is difficult to shake. People don’t seem to grasp that you cannot help who you genuinely fall in love with, it’s not a choice you make, it’s a feeling you struggle with for months, sometimes even years and it sends you into a spiral that you have no control over. You’re made out to be a predator because it was always you that initiated everything. The other person hasn’t done anything wrong. You are a walking devil.

    When you are in the thick of it you think about that person every single day; there is not a day goes by where you feel your life could be so much different. A part of you in your head tells you to grow the fuck up and move on, put him out of your life, and deal with it. But it’s your heart that overrides that situation, hanging on every word they say. Over analysing a simple text message, seeing how many ways you can take it, has he dropped a hint that maybe he feels the same way about you? You drive yourself insane. It did me.

    It’s been a long, and difficult road to get over that guy. It’s not been easy. It’s difficult to watch people around you fawn all over them and boost their ego, while you are wanting to scream across the room, screaming inside because you what they’re doing is breaking your heart. Your heart races a thousand beats per minute. They just don’t see it, or do they? Are they thriving off the attention they’re receiving? Are they playing a sick game with you; that twists and turns your insides, and manipulates your head without you comprehending?

    The hardest part is covering. You do your best to hide in public when you’re around your friend, you laugh off the jokes that deep-down inside is tearing you apart. You watch them play their games, and you just want to scream stop. The worst thing about it is that people can’t see inside your heads. They can see this smooth and sometimes icy exterior. They don’t know your hurting inside. You try to tell your “close” friends about it, but they don’t seem to understand, they just see the blatant front they’re putting on. They don’t honestly believe that someone is capable of doing these things you’re telling them. You start to see these people in a different light. People become blindsided. They only believe what they want you to see.

    You try to block it out with new relationships, but in the end, you end up committing self-sabotage, because you know that deep down inside that this person is nothing compared to the guy you want but can’t have. You mess around and hurt perfectly lovely guys because they’re not him. You can’t shake what you feel for him, something else comes and smacks you round the face that proves you are still in fact madly in love with them; or at least you think you are.

    In the end, you don’t blame them for feeling that way. They don’t want you to change their opinions about them. You’re made to feel like an outsider. People who you thought were close, best friends even, you look at them differently. You don’t know how to deal with it. You want to run. Run far away as possible. When you’re in the grasp of an obsession, sometimes it’s the only possible escape. The strength comes from staying and fronting it out. When you’ve mastered this, then you can begin to say to yourself that you’ve got this. It’s at this point you can start to reclaim control.

    Looking back now, this was a period of my life when I desperate to be loved, and this went on for four years until I got truly over him. I’ve not had any interaction with him for about five years now. It’s times like these when I re-evaluate the past and my life. I start to think about how I’ve changed. If I saw this guy again, five years on, and being the more developed and mature person, I am now, what would I say to him? I guess I would say; ‘Cheers; I learned from that experience, and It’s made me a more resilient person’. I have come through this experience, and I’ve closed the door on this part of my life, and going forward in my life, it’s going to make me a more well-rounded person, and it’s going to impact my relationship with men.

    When the lines between friendship and romance become blurred, hearts and minds can be hurt.
    FILE PHOTO: When the lines between friendship and romance become blurred, hearts and minds can be hurt.
    Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

    Straight men are an enigma for gay men. We want what we can’t have, and we go through periods of having feelings for people we shouldn’t. These feelings aren’t just a one-time thing. They can come out of the left-field sometimes. About a year ago, I reconnected with an old friend that I’d not spoken to for a very long time, and certain feelings have started to resurface. There’s a certain sexual tension between this new guy and me, and we’ve made out on a couple of occasions when we’ve been drunk. It’s unrealistic for it to be anything more than this, and I know this. The rational part of my brain understands and accepts this, it’s the other side that sometimes has a louder voice. We have to learn not to listen to that side as much and focus on living in a present state of rationality. I think the more I’ve grown as a person, the stronger I’ve become, and I see things in a completely different light.

    I look back on this saga with mixed emotions. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. I look back with a sensible, level head that I’ve got now thinking “Wow, Al; you were an absolute IDIOT”. Why did I waste the best part of a year on a guy that was not even worth my time; get some self-worth and some self-respect? Why did I do it? I guess I could say I was young. Frontal lobes aren’t developed. I had zero self-esteem. Maybe a part of me didn’t see that I was worth more? Perhaps I was yearning from the attention and acceptance that I couldn’t see everything with clarity. I also look back and think; this guy really did a number on my head – but; in the long run, it probably did me a huge favour. It’s made me stronger.

    I now know what I am worth and what I want in a relationship and a romantic partner. I don’t want somebody who is going to give me the run-around, fuck with my head and always hurt me; and nobody should settle for this. We are worth more. So if you are in a similar situation to the one I’ve been in, then give yourself the time to heal and remember your worth, because you are ten times the person that he will ever be and remember; you will get over it, and you will be a much more resilient person for it.

  • COMMENT | Being homosexual is not a commodity you can buy online

    COMMENT | Being homosexual is not a commodity you can buy online

    I saw a homophobic comment on Twitter today that really made me angry and I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I had to retaliate. 

    “I don’t mind you lot being gay as long as you don’t promote it to my children.”

    Oh yes, because it’s advertised on big billboards and television adverts. “BE GAY. BUY YOUR SEXUALITY ONLINE TODAY!” We even have Buy one Get One Free sales in some of the supermarkets. I don’t think. The idiocy and bigotry of some people really gets on my goat.

    Have we not evolved enough by now that people cannot see? Homosexuality comes as part of your gene package. It’s not a choice or a bargain you can pick up in Harrods. The sheer fact that there are still many human beings who do not feel brave enough to ‘come out’ proves we cannot choose who we are. You cannot pick your sexuality. If you could, why do we hear these endless heartbreaking stories of people who commit suicide or are in ‘straight’ marriages just because they can’t face their homosexuality?

    As for promoting it to children. I have three nephews. My eldest is almost 18 and we are incredibly close. When he was growing up, we would go to the theatre, football matches and restaurants together. At eight years old, he asked if I was gay. We never lied to him. 

    So he has lived in the knowledge that his Uncle Mark is gay for a decade. He has had a couple of sexual encounters with girls and a girlfriend. We obviously haven’t turned him gay by educating him about different sexualities from an early age. I’ve been surrounded by a football-mad family all my life. And I still can’t stand football. 

    So would this Twitter troll who says we should not promote homosexuality to children for fear we will turn them gay like to stand up please. And admit your statement is ludicrous and unfounded. Otherwise, why are my nephews not gay? Because you can’t choose it, that’s why.

    What we are actually achieving by being honest and teaching children that not everyone conforms to the straight mould is enhancing the world with acceptance. And hopefully saving some of these poor souls who are too scared to accept their own sexuality.

    In fact, I jokingly called myself a poof recently. My nephew and his same age best friend told me off for using such language. “It’s not PC!”, they shouted at me. Now that was refreshing.

    And this is the kind of valuable gain we get from promoting homosexuality to children, Mr Twitter Troll.

  • These are the five most annoying things you can say to someone who is deaf

    These are the five most annoying things you can say to someone who is deaf

    We asked DEAF IDENTITY entrepreneur Luke Christian what the most annoying thing you can say to a person who is deaf.

    Read his interview with us, in which he tells us why it’s not okay to fetishise people are deaf.

    So here are his most annoying AF thing to say to someone who hard of hearing or deaf.

    1. For a deaf person, you have good speech.

    2. Well you don’t look deaf!

    3. Oh you’re deaf? Aw I’m so sorry to hear that!

    4. It turns me on knowing you’re deaf.

    5. Just turn your hearing aids up, I cba repeating myself.


    Luke added, “Honestly, I could go on!”

  • ASIFA LAHORE | Brown Drag Artists Exist, so start including us

    ASIFA LAHORE | Brown Drag Artists Exist, so start including us

    SOAPBOX /

    South Asian Drag has been kept behind the veil for far too long. Brown Drag Exists and it is time for it to be made visible in all spaces, virtual and physical. 

    On the 11th April Buzzfeed released a list compiled by The Drag Bible, an influential platform highlighting drag performers and drag culture. This list, titled ‘Forty Drag Queens You Need to Follow On Instagram’ was globally diverse in terms of race and geography, however, it failed to include any drag artist of South Asian heritage. After social media commentary on this omission which resulted in the deleting of the list by Buzzfeed, the Drag Bible publicly acknowledged this mishap and strived to be fully inclusive. Buzzfeed however, is yet to comment. 

    Unfortunately, this is a trend prevalent in mainstream drag and LGBT+ communities, be them virtual on social media platforms, or in physical spaces such as bars, clubs and Prides where few or no South Asian drag performers are featured talent. It is particular to note that the RuPaul’s Drag Race franchise has not featured a single queen of South Asian heritage in its many international variants. The South Asian subcontinent does not have its own Drag Race yet, however, the diaspora is far and wide, permeating all corners of the globe including the USA, Canada, UK, New Zealand, Australia, the West Indies and Africa. To suggest that queens from a South Asian background don’t exist internationally is to be a perpetrator of erasure. 

    Blocked by The Drag Bible

    This is a harsh reality facing those from a South Asian background wanting to follow a career in drag, cabaret, burlesque and the performing arts. 

    We have to fight the hardest and the loudest in order to be heard or our art to be seen. In many cases we are denied work and opportunities because our art is either not understood, too political or too risky. More often than not this is down to pure ignorance, a lack of research, the unwillingness to listen, understand and blatant racism. 

    Not ensuring to include a diverse panoply of performers encompassing all diverse backgrounds is risking contributing to the erasure of identities and experiences.

    “Erasure is tantamount to racism”

    Erasure is tantamount to racism and as performers, we wish for opportunities to be included at the table of mainstream drag.

    In this spirit, South Asian Drag Artists from across the world and different spheres of drag [AFAB, Trans, Drag Kings, Drag Queens etc.] came together to compile this campaign video and spill the masala tea. 

    #BrownDragExists

    #BrownDragExists

    A response from The Drag Bible was made on their Twitter account on the 16th April:

    https://twitter.com/thedragbible_/status/1250863113982947331
  • OPINION | Why aren’t lesbians the default when it comes to ‘ground breaking’ decisions like Dancing On Ice’s same-sex couple reveal

    OPINION | Why aren’t lesbians the default when it comes to ‘ground breaking’ decisions like Dancing On Ice’s same-sex couple reveal

    Dr Gemma Commane, lecturer in Media and Communication at Birmingham City University, says it’s important to question what this Dancing On Ice on a same-sex couple introduction change really means and the conversations it will create.

    OPINION | Lesbians are often overlooked or are subject to ‘tragic’ storylines and they are given less space to occupy.

    “Although it’s timely for Dancing On Ice to have a same-sex couple, it’s important to understand that decisions are political and have economic reasons,” said Dr Commane.

    “In this case, examples could be sustainability for the television show, maintenance of the brand and audience expectations.

    “We need to carefully think about what privilege means and what privilege looks like. Privilege is complex and it does not simply connect to one aspect of a person’s identity. 

    “Whilst it is fantastic that changes are happening, we need to ask: what do these ‘changes’ actually mean when certain voices and identities are still rendered invisible? 

    “Lesbians are often overlooked or are subject to ‘tragic’ storylines and they are given less space to occupy, especially in primetime television. Why aren’t lesbians the default when it comes to ‘ground breaking’ decisions when introducing same-sex coupling in shows like Dancing On Ice?

    “What would it mean for ‘Dancing On Ice’ to have a lesbian celebrity skating with a same-sex partner?

    “What types of conversations would arise from the media and audiences around this selection? If this had been the case, it would have been interesting to observe how news organisations would respond to an announcement like this and if they would write about the lesbian celebrity in predictable and fetishistic ways.”

  • Here’s what you should do if you ever find yourself in the centre of a Twitter storm

    Here’s what you should do if you ever find yourself in the centre of a Twitter storm

    PhotoMIX-Company / Pixabay

    It can happen over the most seemingly innocuous thoughts and actions and can be incredibly distressing and sickening if you happen to be at the centre of people’s fury on social media.

    Twittersphere can be one mean place if you, in the eyes of some of its users, get things wrong. Being at the centre of a Twitterstorm or a pile on can be a horrible experience lasting over a 24 to 48 hour period.

    So here’s what you should do if you ever find yourself in a twitter backlash.

    Delete the tweet

    Although this might seem like curtailing your speech or what you want to say, removing the “offending” tweet means that it can’t be retweeted or quoted – leading directly to your account.

    It’s the quickest way to stop a pile on in its tracks. Yes, some people will have screenshotted the tweet and they will continue to tweet it or may even tweet it at you, but its reach will be far less felt than if you were to leave it on your timeline.

    Just turn it off

    Turn off Twitter, in fact, delete the app for a few days, so you don’t feel the need to keep on checking what’s going on or what’s been said about you. Ride it out and try not to let your imagination run wild.

    A Twitter pile on can last from 24 hours to 48 hours and will then, most likely fade away as people move on. You may get a few tweets after this, but mostly people will have moved on.

    Just remember, people’s memories can be short on social media and there’s always someone else to distract and attract a Twitterstorm away from you.

    Make a decision on whether to apologise or not

    If you come to the conclusion on whether what you’ve tweeted is offensive and Twittersphere has a point, then apologise.

    Recently social media star Trisha Paytas found herself in the middle of an epic Twitterstorm after coming out as a “transgender gay man”. The tweet, which actually led people to a YouTube video was immediately met with scorn and derision.

    https://twitter.com/trishapaytas/status/1181270127947350016/

    The tweet became quickly ratio’d meaning that the comments outranked the number of Retweets and likes, meaning that in Twitter world you’ve usually done something very very wrong.

    Trisha made an apology video within 48 hours and the pile on continued on with that Tweet, receiving over 700 comments and only 49 retweets, which meant that her apology wasn’t widely shared, so only a fraction of those aware of the story actually heard her apology.

    Meanwhile, her original “I Am Transgender” tweet continued to grow and was even picked up by the editorial team at Twitters’ moments, boosting the Tweet even further.

    If you do make an apology tweet, post or video- make it heartfelt and true and don’t use phrases like “I’m sorry you were offended”. These often PR managed tweets are met with even more backlash because people don’t and won’t believe it – and can even serve to elongate the storm.

    If you don’t feel you need to apologise – don’t. There’s nothing worse than someone apologising for something they’re not sorry for.

    Ignore it

    You can always ignore it, which is what Cosmopolitan Magazine did after it tweeted about gender critical feminists, called, “What you need to know about TERFS”

    The tweet saw thousands of people complaining about the article’s content. The magazine’s official Twitter account – which usually sees an interaction rate of 1 to 2 retweets or likes per post and rarely ever any comments, suddenly had over 7,000 retweets and thousands of comments.

    Dozens of people took to Cosmopolitan‘s timeline to say they had reported the tweet for hate speech, yet the magazine stood resolute, did not delete, did not apologise – basically it didn’t acknowledge the storm that it had created.

    Seek legal advice

    If you’ve tweeted something you shouldn’t have, like a high court’s super injuction or something that’s libelous or slanderous you might need to seek legal advice.

    You may also want to take legal advice or action if people are tweeting something about you that is factually incorrect, libellous or slanderous, as journalist Jack Monroe did against Katy Hopkins. The fallout from which saw the former TV star, journalist and radio presenter left with a huge legal bill after she lost.

  • COMMENT | Parents, protests and the LGBT Programme, Inside Parkfield Primary School

    COMMENT | Parents, protests and the LGBT Programme, Inside Parkfield Primary School

    It almost seems defunct now the No Outsiders programme has been pulled from the school but here’s how my informal meeting went with Andy Moffat, Deputy Headteacher at the centre of the storm in which parents protested about having their children being taught “gay lessons”.

    On the approach to Parkfield, I noted the sign announcing the school name. What will it bring? I thought.

    There were no signs of Protestors at the gates or media pressing through. It was a quiet, subdued afternoon. I supposed all the school children had gone home. I walked through the gates and through the entrance.

    What struck me most was the colour, the warm welcoming signs and the creativity of images plastered on the wall.

    This was a school which was proud of its heritage, innovations and unique ways to celebrate diversity.

    All the messages/images on the walls were created by children welcoming diversity and difference, embracing all the strands of the Equality Act 2010.

    Andy welcomed me, smiling, with a warm handshake. I could see he was holding it together. We walked through the corridors and upstairs. I was looking for signs of this “gay agenda”.

    All I could see was a celebration of diversity, questions, facts, images, statements, pinned on the walls.

    It was incredibly inspiring. It was the type of school I would’ve liked to have attended when I was a child.

    Andy introduced me to the Headteacher, who was complimentary about my appearance on The Big Questions.

    I made several enquiries about the parents/protestors. Where was Fatima Shah now? And who is the man with the megaphone?

    Fatima has kept a low profile since this furore broke out. The man spewing homophobic rhetoric isn’t even a parent and has no connection to the school at all.

    Andy showed me the assembly hall. Again, the boards were covered with positive words and images about diversity and differences.

    We talked for about an hour. I can’t share all that we spoke about, but it provided me with good insight about the No Outsiders programme, how he had created it with very good intentions, and how the school had supported him with his ethos.

    “No Outsiders has run for four years without complaints until now”

    The programme has been running in the school for four years without any complaints until now. Parents HAD been consulted and they were all on board with the idea and attended workshops.

    Andy showed me the books in question. They are remarkable little books for kids, covering various aspects of family, race, religion, difference. In one book, it mentions there are families with 2 mummies or 2 daddies. That’s all. On one page. In a book. For little children. To highlight reality. And representation.

    In another book, once again, it mentions in one line, LGBT. That is all.

    I realised then, how passionate, committed and almost at breaking point Andy Moffat is. He’s really striving to make positive changes. As a white, middle-class teacher, he could’ve easily gone to ANY school in the UK. But no. He chose an inner-city school, knowing it was in a predominately Muslim location. His plan of action – to break the taboo or barriers and slowly encourage children and parents to learn and accept difference in relation to British values and law. As a gay man, why shouldn’t he introduce LGBTQ issues, discuss discrimination and LGBT- phobia? It exists and is part of life. Andy is working hard in his inner-city school to reduce or eliminate it.

    However, those who are protesting have taken the step to not only try and damage his career, the education the children receive, the reputation of the school, they also damage what it means to be Muslim.

    I heard about the vile death threats, the rumours, the intimidation, saw the images and videos…

    The ironic thing is, the protestors are saying Andy is indoctrinating the children. But in talking so negatively about the lessons, taking the kids out of school, sharing negative petitions, and spouting homophobic comments, is placing them in that very same position. Are they not brainwashing, conditioning and indoctrinating the children?

    It also reminds me of two things:

    1. The controversy and furore surrounding The Satanic Verses 30 years ago. Many who protested hadn’t even read the book.
    2. The interpretation of the Story of Lot and how it is declared by many who state it’s a sin to be homosexual when they haven’t even read it.

    “Protesters are misrepresenting the wider Muslim community”

    As Muslims protesting, I would say they need to take a step back, re-evaluate what they are doing, how they are misrepresenting the wider Muslim community and understand in not adhering to educational policies, standards, ethics and ethos, they are alienating themselves even more.

    Why perpetuate the negative stereotypes in the media especially?

    The protestors also need to stop braying like a lynch mob for the removal of the “gay lessons” and resignation of Andy and look to their own actions.

    I’m sure this isn’t the way of Allah or the majority of Muslims.

    I’m sure Allah said, seek knowledge before making a decision which might have a detrimental effect on oneself and others.

    I’m sure Allah said, defend your faith but with good reason and irrational decisions are made out of fear.

    I’m sure good Muslims take time out to reflect, review and reason before they judge others?

    I’m sure Allah is watching and on the Day of Judgement ask the Protestors: What did YOU do to bring unity to the community?

    As I’m part of the LGBT+ community and a person of faith, I really believe we need to be standing up together. We may have fought for our rights, but we really need to embrace our brothers and sisters who are similar to me.

    We really need to strive for more action and positive changes to educate and include.

    I thought the battle scars were healing, but this protest at Parkfield has opened old wounds.

    Please don’t allow it to become another Section 28.

     

  • 10 things every single gay man just doesn’t want to hear

    10 things every single gay man just doesn’t want to hear

    To all the single ladies out there, a lot of what I’m about to have a moan about I’m hoping I can get an ‘amen’ for each one. And sorry all those in relationships, you’re lovely and we love you, but this is for us single girls.

    via GIPHY

    Now, if you’ve been single for a period of time certain things start to get under your skin. Most people are just being nice and some are even genuinely trying to help but in almost all cases I’d rather attend the stage performance of ‘memoirs of Nigel Farage’ than hear any more about how single I am.

    With thanks to the lovely people from twitter I’ve collated the 10 things that every single man really just doesn’t want to hear while they are single so please stop, right now, or the pixie gets it…

    1 – “why are you single?”

    via GIPHY

    I get it all the time and it drives me up the wall. I don’t know why I’m single, if I did I wouldn’t be single and I’d probably be the best love counsellor around and could make millions helping those that are single. But I’m not, therefore I could spend hours coming up with this reason or that reason why it’s dinner for one and wine for 3 most nights. Stop asking me that!!!

    2 – “your problem is you’re being too fussy!”

    via GIPHY

    To that, I simply say p**s off. My standards are actually fairly practical. They have to be alive, have at least half a brain cell, can hold a conversation, can laugh, sociable (but that isn’t a must), come with an MOT and full-service history. You are trying to find love you know, dating anyone and everyone is just a fool’s errand so this nonsense that people are ‘too picky’, for most of us is utter tosh. Stop saying it unless you genuinely believe we are being too picky because our list of demands is as long as your arm. THEN, you are too fussy.

    3 – “you’d make a lovely husband for someone”

    via GIPHY

    Thanks, just rub it in some more why don’t you… Who in their right mind thinks this is a nice thing to say to someone when they are single? Just remind me that I’m prime beef still sat on the shelf looking at all the shoppers go straight past to the value aisle. Non-single people, stop it! It’s not helpful and it’s not kind.

    4 – “someone will come along eventually”

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    Well so will the number 46 bus so that isn’t really helping the situation now is it?

    5 – “ooooh I have a friend who is gay. He’s lovely. You’ll love him!”

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    NO, STOP IT RIGHT NOW!! Blind dates are the work of the devil. And why is it often (but not always) straight women that do this? You can’t pair gays up like socks, just because they look sort of similar doesn’t mean they are a matching pair. That’s not how it works. I’d be interested to hear from anyone that has actually found love from a blind date arranged by a friend.  Genuinely I want to see if it works because my experience has just been car crash after car crash. (Maybe it’s me…?)

    6 – “oh it’s such a waste that you’re gay (from straight women)”

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    Sorry ladies your casual homophobia is not kind, sweet or necessary. Stop saying it!

    7 – “can you hurry up and get married, we want to attend a gay wedding”

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    Is that what I’m reduced to now, a source of entertainment and a reason to buy a flamboyant hat/fascinator because you want to attend a gay wedding? Well, Joan (or whatever their name is), maybe I don’t want to get married. Just because I want a boyfriend doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll get married. So ha! That’s screwed up your plans hasn’t it Joan??

    8 – “I find that if you stop looking, someone will appear”

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    What is this a ritual to summon Bloody Mary? If I don’t think about dating a date will appear. When has that ever been a successful strategy for anything in life? If I don’t think about the washing up, magically it’ll get done. If I don’t think about the promotion at work, magically they will just give it to me! I get where you are coming from, but strangely enough I don’t spend every waking moment thinking about dating, I have work to do, therefore I’m already doing that and nothing has changed.

    9 – “have you tried online dating”

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    Have you? Let’s be honest here the options for online dating aren’t good. Grindr is not for dating. Anyone that tries to look for dates on there is on a fool’s errand. It’s for one thing, booty calls. If someone comes off your booty call then great, but dates? No. As for the rest, well they are a little bit hit and miss. Some are good for online conversation and some just Grindr but a different app. I did, however, stumble across ‘hinge’ the other day. That’s not bad as a different kind of dating app. I would recommend. And did you know that Gaydar was still going? Who knew!

    10 – “If I was single, I’d date you”

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    While this is a nice thing to say, it really doesn’t help. That’s like turning up at a friends dinner party and declaring you’ve already eaten. It’s rude and now I feel like my indoor-outdoor BBQ and finger buffet has gone to waste.

    I don’t say all this a bitter, twisted and lonely old soul (plays small violin), but I say this so that maybe, just maybe, with a little more foresight we can stop these pointless sayings and enjoy life be that single, taken, unhappily taken, polyamorous or whatever.

  • Should Rita Ora Have Apologised for Girls?

    When Rita Ora announced a song with Cardi B, Charli XCX and Bebe Rexha, the world imploded, and we were ready for a huge collab that hasn’t been seen since “Lady Marmalade”.

    Should Rita Ora Have Apologised for Girls?
    Progressive or regressive? Lyrics from the song, Girls.

    Whilst not quite on the level of “Lady Marmalade” – an opinion not shared by me – the song came out on Friday and was consumed quickly by fans of the four rising members in popular culture. But many people were quick to say that song was offensive to the LGBT community.

    The track references Rita Ora’s sexuality as a bisexual woman. Lyrics in the song include ‘I’m 50/50 and I’m never gonna hide it’, and talks about an experience with a girl called Lara. After the release, many people were quick to voice their concerns with the lyrics, believing it to be exploitative and even tone deaf.

    When I first heard the song, I appreciated the way the song fit the pop mould, but lyrics such as ‘red wine, I just wanna kiss Girls’ did seem problematic even to me. Yet I was misinformed and did not realise that Rita Ora is actually bisexual, instead hearing the lyrics and thinking that the song was pandering to a straight male fantasy.

    After finding that out, I realised that the song was not intended to be harmful, but the world of Twitter continued to discuss the song.

    Pop star Hayley Kiyok tweeted that the song did ‘more harm than good’, with followers agreeing that the lyrics were clumsy, even if not intended to be, and gave the wrong impression to straight men. The pop star continued to say that the song ‘belittles’ the community, stating that she doesn’t need alcohol to show love of the same sex.

    Yet other Twitter users didn’t think the same way, stating that they didn’t even think of how it could be interpreted. Such was the debate and ‘backlash’, Ora took to Twitter to apologise to her fans. In her statement, shared on Twitter, Rita says that the song ‘was written to represent my truth and is an accurate account of a very real and honest experience in my life. I have had romantic relationships with women and men throughout my life and this is my personal journey.’

    Rapper Cardi B also tweeted about the backlash, saying the song was never intended to cause harm, and even revealed that she has been with many women.

    Whilst I admit that I thought the song could indeed be problematic, I was seeing it from the angle of many others, that lyrics glorifying a bisexual female relationship could cater to people that only believe women’s bisexuality is ‘a phase’. Yet seeing Rita explain the situation, it’s pretty clear to see that she is writing from personal experience, and why is that a bad thing? It may be because until now, the general public had no knowledge of Rita’s sexuality. But should that really matter? A certain One Direction member can continuously hint at bisexual relationships himself, yet never disclose his sexuality, but instead of backlash, the man gets elated feedback from excitable fans.

    Sexuality is a very complex situation, and we all have different experiences in discovering who we are, and realising the people we like. It’s important that the idea of being PC, of analysing everything to a point where backlash can literally ruin a career, does not infringe on artistic expression.

    Whilst the lyrics in Girls are a little clumsy, it’s important to remember where they come from; a young woman that has become an LGBT ally, expressing who she is, and writing songs about her own experiences.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | The problem with snowflakes they “reach for Twitter and moan incessantly about the outrage they feel”

    Quick my little snowflakes, reach for your twitter and moan incessantly about the outrage you feel. Or should that be “you think you feel” because as I seem to witness on a daily occurrence, there is a lot of young people moaning with outrage and I’m not sure why?

    geralt / Pixabay

    Wikipedia has the definition sorted for you. “Snowflake as a slang term involves the derogatory usage of the word snowflake to make reference to people. Its meaning has varied, but may include a person who has an inflated sense of their own uniqueness, has an unwarranted sense of entitlement, or is easily offended and unable to deal with opposing opinions”

    I’m not in total agreement with this however. I don’t really think it is derogatory. Obviously, this has been added by a snowflake who was outraged in the first place by what followed afterwards. Let’s look at the main reason for why l am writing this.

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    I recently became incensed when I read about young people really not understanding the American sitcom Friends from 1994 to 2004 and complaining that it was transphobic, homophobic, fattist, sexist, generally insensitive, no doubt full of animal cruelty because of the song ‘smelly cat’ and Ross once kept a monkey, nudistphobic (no such word but there was a neighbour across the buildings who would walk around naked) clothistphobic etc etc. Looking back and the list could go on forever. And if they think that’s bad then I’d hate to imagine what they would make of US hit comedy The Golden Girls!

    The Twitterati took to social media to vent their outrage. Outrage that quite frankly isn’t there. You see we golden oldies enjoyed it for what it was. Six friends joking about the past, the present and the future. And that is what we have. Friends are often cruel to me for choices made in the past. I am often cruel back. Those friends are there for me in times of need. I am there for them. We laugh, we enjoy we get along and work things out. It seems the snowflakes of today can’t do that.

    You see we never had this social media thing. If we were outraged then we would write to the BBC’s Points of View show. And if we couldn’t be bothered to do that we simply let it go because we simply were not outraged enough to be outraged by trivial stuff and couldn’t be arsed to keep picking at it like a scab.

    I’m not saying people who are at my grand age of the 4th decade are not snowflakes themselves, it’s just that my generation can tell them to sit down, shut up and breathe. Or to use the write acronym STFU! Indeed only recently I told that to a good friend who got caught up in someone else’s drama and made it their own for no reason.

    It is almost like we are now conditioned to be outraged at almost everything. Humans have become more and more angry for no other reason than the fact that we are told to be. Don’t believe me? Grab a coffee at your local cafe, sit outside and take a look at those going past you. I guarantee you that most of them are looking for the next thing to be outraged about. So outraged they vent it on social media and let their followers of varying numbers be aware that they are outraged hoping that it then escalates to others feeling the same. There isn’t much I see about people being happy on social media.

    It seems we are not allowed to be happy these days. And this is where the conditioning comes in. The press has made you angry and outraged. Soap operas that we watch or listen to (I am an avid fan of Radio 4’s The Archers are full of outrage.

    It’s rare to find a storyline that is a happy one.

    There is lots of talk about square eyes and all of us looking at screens. These screens are full of information. Information literally at your finger-tips. You can access this all at the same time as drinking your morning coffee and taking a poo at the same time. It’s always around us.

    I now make a point of leaving my phone outside the toilet. The risk of dropping it has come close several times. I don’t want information when I am dropping off last night’s dinner. For me, toilet time is a time to reflect. It’s a skill that has been forgotten. It’s my “me time”. It’s a time for to cut the crap from my body and let me think.

    Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty to be outraged about like the recent shooting in an America school. That is a real problem. It’s just that the young generation, of which I do not envy one bit, don’t really have anything to moan about or at least shouldn’t be moaning but instead be living and enjoying the moment because before you know it, you’ll have real things to moan about.

    I am only scratching the surface of this current crisis the snowflake suffers on an hourly basis. I don’t actually think I have answered the question I was set by my editor. There is a whole book on the subject and I am sure someone is writing it now. So I’ll sign off with the words of Michael Palin from Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life “Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.”

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.