Category: Review

  • CONCERT REVIEW | An Evening With Whitney – The Holographic Tour

    Rating: 2 out of 5.

    After a mixed reception following its announcement, An Evening with Whitney, The Holographic Tour has finally kicked off in the UK. With a mix of live backing dancers and musicians, the musical legend returns to the stage in holographic form to bring the audience an 80-minute show packed with her greatest hits.

    There was no denying that the technology behind the show was jaw-dropping, and certainly from where we were sat in the dress circle, Holo-Whitney looked fairly impressive at times. There were the odd brief moments when you could almost forget that you were effectively watching a computer-generated image as you got caught up in the music, but those moments were fleeting and few and far between, as Holo-Whitney appeared and disappeared, fading in and fading out in an almost ghoul-like fashion between songs.

    In terms of overall presentation, the live band was good, the backing singers held their own, the dancers made the best of the lacklustre choreography and the light show was adequate; although one has to wonder whether the abundance of spotlights flashing into the audience was to blind them to detract from the quality of the special effects on stage.

    What was a pleasure, though, was to hear Whitney’s voice belt out her greatest hits in a concert venue backed by a live set of musicians, and the show was a reminder of just what a talent she was and how incredible she was as a live performer.  The choice of songs would sit comfortably on any greatest hits album and covered a broad range of her work, ticking every Whitney staple you would expect.  

    Despite the music, the show can only be described as hollow (no pun intended). Holo-Whitney’s forced, generic one-sided banter with the audience felt almost as awkward as Holo-Whitney gushing as she received rapturous applause; although the rapturous applause anticipated by the creative team was, in reality, the bemused audience merely politely clapping and muttering to each other.

    The four backing dancers looked lost on stage and were positioned in such a way around the set, it was as if they were dancing as far away from the technology as the insurance company would comfortably allow, and the interaction between star and backing dancers that you would usually expect during a live music event was noticeably missing. Adding to this was the tiny portion of the stage that Holo-Whitney occupied with her limited dance moves, shifting only a matter of a couple of metres each way from the centre of the stage and compounding the stilted, mechanical feeling of it all.

    But the biggest criticism of all was that the evening was flat. There was none of the atmosphere, chemistry or relationship between artists and audience that makes a live music event such a great experience. Any live performer feeds off the energy of the crowd and gives it back to them, but this simply wasn’t possible and it really couldn’t have been more noticeable. There was no buzz in the auditorium and even the crowd, especially towards the end of the evening, couldn’t take it seriously. It simply felt cold and sterile; creepy and distant.

    So, does An Evening with Whitney feel like a befitting tribute to a legend or more like a cynical cash in? The answer probably lies somewhere in between, albeit gravitating significantly more towards the latter. If you want to listen to Whitney Houston’s voice, then download her original recordings. If you want to go to a concert, then seek out a good tribute act, where at least there will be some energy coming from the stage. It felt that for many in the audience, the show was little more than a morbid curiosity which promised more than it delivered; and one which rapidly lost the majority of its appeal once the short-lived novelty of Holo-Whitney had worn off.

  • FILM REVIEW | Portrait of a Lady is a beautiful film

    FILM REVIEW | Portrait of a Lady is a beautiful film

    Portrait of a Lady

    Rating: 5 out of 5.

    Beautifully shot and superb performances are just a couple of the reasons to go see  ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire.’

    In French with English subtitles (and nominated for an Oscar for Best Film in a Foreign Language) ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ is a story about forbidden love set against the backdrop of a very different time and place. 

    On an isolated island in Brittany in the 1770s, a female painter is hired by the mother of a young woman to paint a portrait of her daughter to send to a prospective husband. Yet Heloise (Adèle Haenel), is not very excited about both the prospect of marriage and of having her portrait painted.

    But somehow Marianne (Noemie Merlant) gets Heloise to warm to her, to pose gracefully, and soon enough they become close, enjoying walks on the beach, and time at Heloise’s stately home – more so when her mother leaves the house in order to give Marianne the freedom to paint. Marianne and Heloise start a love affair gently, softly, emotionally, and naturally – as it was bound to happen. Director and writer Céline Sciamma (‘Tomboy’ and ‘Girlhood’) elicits true passion from her actors without revealing too much in a film that’s original,  romantic, thoughtful, wistful, and will leave you thinking about it for days after you’ve seen it.

    It’s a truly remarkable film that’s won lots of awards and was selected to compete for the Palme d’Or at the 2019 Cannes Film Festival, winning the Queer Palm there. Sciamma also won the award for Best Screenplay at Cannes.

    ‘Portrait of a Lady’ is now in UK cinemas.

  • THEATRE REVIEW | La Cage, London

    THEATRE REVIEW | La Cage, London

    ★★★★ | La Cage, Park Theatre, London

    When you walk into a theatre and you see that the set is a grand staircase leading into a living room with a large statue of David and various photos of men and drag queens on the wall you know you’re in for a drag of a time. This is exactly what ‘La Cage’ delivers.

    Actor Simon Callow adapted the show for the stage, who was asked to write an English version of the original 1973 play (which inspired three french films, a hit musical, and a hit American film – The Birdcage). Directed by Jez Bond, ‘La Cage’ is written in its original time and location, and French speaker Callow astutely brings the flavour of the original farce to life. 

    Drag queen extraordinaire Albin (Paul Hunter) and Georges (an amazing Michael Matus) own and live above drag queen bar La Cage, along with their extremely camp butler Jacob (Syrus Lowe) who can sure wear high heels. Georges’ son Laurent (Arthur Hughes) arrives to inform him that he’s getting married to a girl whose parents are very religious and conservative, and that they’re coming to town to meet his ‘parents.’

    Laurent’s natural mother is invited as well but leaves it to Albin to pretend he’s Laurent’s mother and it’s all one huge farce on the day and things get worse downstairs in the club as all hell breaks loose as Albin is not in residence. Dishes with naughty pictures and innuendos galore go into overdrive as the show goes way over the top with an ending identical to the other productions but in this production is all a bit too easily sewn up. 

    A lot happens in just over two hours and the cast easily keep up the comedy and energy. From the grand dame that is Albin to the almost not in control Georges they help to maintain a bit of the drama while the show spins its characters all over the place. And while you’ll admire their dedication and tenacity, you might find yourself laughing throughout but to a point where it’s not even funny. 

    Book tickets here

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Musik: The Billie Trix Story

    THEATRE REVIEW | Musik: The Billie Trix Story

    Artsbitching

    By

    Fraulein Sasha Selavie

    Rating: 5 out of 5.

    DIVA OF MASS DISTRACTION

    ©The Other Richard

    By Jonathan Harvey and Pet Shop Boys

    When was Billie Trix – the fictional Diva of Divine Degradation – first unleashed in public? Why, 9/11/01 of course, the purrfect date of birth for a one-woman assault on all known taste! How could I possibly forget? Furiously pumped by the blistering, raw nasal ecstasy of prime, Cordon Bleu coke, I had no idea that evening’s Closer to Heaven press night – Billie’s media premiere – would soon expose me to the sizzling incandescence of the then-unknown and uncrowned Queen of Cunt Rock!

    Was I up for it? Oh Christ, yes – I’d just spent an outrageously erotic, Rocky Horror night with my then-partner, and utterly fucked from drugs, sexual excess and a huge plate of restorative pasta, I crashed comatose for hours. Bad move – I woke to 71 missed voice messages screeching World War Three was game on, was happening, the World Trade Centre and Pentagon both savaged by kamikaze terrorists.

    An ultimate wake-up call? For sure – nothing grabs your attention faster than indiscriminate, random slaughter in globally-famous landmarks! Still, press nights wait for no-one – neither queen nor transdiva – so Billie Trix’s first, ferocious draft scorched our spectacularly heightened senses with a contact high worthy of Dietrich screwing Madonna!

    Sure, public decorum cancelled the scheduled after-party, but not the impromptu shag-a-thon spontaneously erupting at the Shadow Lounge, all blatant public sex and delirium; Frankly, there’s nothing like terrorist death-threats to kick-start libidos and make Viagra instantly redundant!

    So, can lightning strike twice? Never doubt it! Even in Closer To Heaven, Billie’s role screamed out for total exposure – the more warts, pudenda and used condoms the better – and, with Musik, authored by Jonathan Harvey and sound-tracked by the Pet Shop Boys, Billie finally has a solo showcase capable of killing her talent-free rivals on sight!

    Musik, authored by Jonathan Harvey and sound-tracked by the Pet Shop Boys, Billie finally has a solo showcase capable of killing her talent-free rivals on sight!

    Billie’s back-story? Simple – she’s an every day, utterly amoral, drug-fucked hedonist, like all unrepentant media whores; hello Michael Jackson and my darling, Catholic Pope, allegedly shockingly high on snorted Saints’ ashes! But while lazy – and unimaginative – critics cite Marianne Faithfull as Billie’s role model par excellence, she’s arguably far closer in spirit to Wendy O.Williams, deranged frontwoman of hardcore punk band the Plasmatics. And Wendy’s finest, must-read media moment? Nothing less than attempting suicide trying to hammer a kitchen knife through her sternum!

    Okay, maybe Billie’s not quite that extreme, but as played by the uber-Botticellian Frances Barber reprising her iconic role, Billie instantly electrifies every susceptible cock in sight! And an appropriate air of depravity is set by the Velvet Underground’s ‘Sister Ray’, fiercely chugging away pre-show in the auditorium. Pin-sharp perfect mood music, it’s a 17(!)-minute epic of smacked-up, tranny junkies projectile puking all over their appalled johns, as they come en masse in showers of rancid spunk!

    Arguably, ‘Sister Ray’ is Billie’s signature song as much as Dietrich’s ‘Falling in Love Again’, and sets our expectations sky-high. We’re not disappointed; Heart-stoppingly offensive, Billie takes no prisoners, dead, alive or in between, like a glorious, fetish-culture Joan Rivers on Crystal Meth! And gay author Jonathan Harvey pulls no punches, ramping the Amy Winehouse Bible of Pure Excess to scarcely believable, Trailer Trash on Steroids tastelessness!

    Structured as a flashback memoir of Billie’s fantastically view-worthy highs – and lows – the only downside of Musik, ironically, is the Pet Shop Boys’ dreary, pompous and hollow synth-pop, and the six, stunningly banal songs – absolute masterpieces of vacuity – that punctuate the show. Cringingly, Warhol’s feted by this lyrical messterpiece; ‘Soup…won’t let you droop’, after which my mind – and pen – refused to transcribe the subsequent drivel.

    Still – thank my Holy, Bleeding Jesus – there’s still Barber’s ferociously meaty, dramatic attack to relish. Briefly, Billie name-checks the famous – and infamous – she’s shared genitalia, and, more interestingly, repartee with, from Jackson Pollack, Trump to Prince Harry, and it’s here the one-liners come thick, fast and awesomely offensive.

    A word of warning; dump any snowflake bigotry – and faux-sensitivity – right NOW; Jonathan Harvey’s wit is brutally eloquent. So, are you firmly strapped in? Then we’ll take a ride on the All About Eve ghost-train…“Trump’s penis?’ Billie hisses, ‘it’s shaped like a walnut whip!”, and that Lou Reed compared her clitoris to a perfect, triple bass clef’.

    On a roll now, she screams she’s “such a perfectionist – I produce at least ONE note a week!’. But occasionally, even Billie needs Autotune; ‘Your voice would sound this rough if you’d sucked as many lying cocks as I have!’. Still, she’s a model of sobriety – “I haven’t touched smack since my first rehearsal this morning!’ but even so, Billie simply can’t stand Madonna; ‘That plagiarising Bitch! She copies everything!’ Now. that insult takes ferocious balls, with Madge literally playing London’s Palladium just streets away!

    More hot, feisty and fearless than tranny hookers shagging football thugs, Francis Barber’s Billie Trix is simply a revelation in Musik. Think Killing Eve’s Villanelle with added singing chops and utterly insouciant, jaded attitude, and you have diva Bille Trix, the absolute, Reigning Queen of killer, kitsch cabaret! So why waste time streaming porn or Game of Thrones? The real Dragon Queen – Billie Trix – is gloriously spreading her wings right now in Soho!

    Book tickets now To March 1st. Leicester Square Theatre 0207-734-222.

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Time & Tide London

    THEATRE REVIEW | Time & Tide London

    ★★★★★ | Time & Tide, Park Theatre, London

    ‘Time & Tide’ is a tale of love in the most unexpected places.

    Nemo (Josh Barrow) works at a diner but has bigger ambitions in life. He wants to move to the big city of London, to be in theatre, and to get out of his nothing town of Cromer. This is much to the dismay of his boss at the diner May (Wendy Nottingham), who encourages him to stay in their small town. But Nemo’s friend Daz (Elliot Liburd) is secretly in love with him, but of course, Daz is not going to blatantly come out and say it, though he says he just recently broker up with his girlfriend. Meanwhile, May has an admirer in Ken (Paul Easton), the bread delivery man who also is hesitant to come out and say how he really feels. But May has some other sort of secret intentions, and it’s not for Ken. So what is her secret? And will Daz finally tell Nemo how he really feels? It’s unrequited love, love that may or may not be reciprocal, in Time & Tide.

    Good performances, and the lovely diner set, in the cosy small room of the Park Theatre, make this production, its premiere, one to watch. Liburd is a natural on stage, but it’s Nottingham who is memorable as the woman who has run the diner for decades, and who is considering selling up and moving away. Nottingham is just fantastic.

    Time and Tide wait for no man or woman.

    Find out more and book tickets here

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Everybody’s Talking About Jamie – National Tour

    THEATRE REVIEW | Everybody’s Talking About Jamie – National Tour

    Jamie is 16 and is not like his friends at school. His best friend wants to be a doctor, but he wants to be a drag queen. Raised by his mum in a single-parent family on one of Sheffield’s tougher estates, Jamie finds himself, and his alter ego, Mimi Me, with the help of fading drag queen, Hugo, and with the support of his ever doting mother and her best friend. But Jamie’s difficult relationship with his dad dents Jamie’s confidence; and the school aren’t particularly enthused about the big question on everyone’s lips – namely, whether Jamie will go to the school prom, or whether Mimi Me will.

    The West End smash is venturing out on a national tour, and starting its 20 venue run at its spiritual home of Sheffield Theatres. For a touring production, the presentation of the show is spot on, with a simple but versatile set and a slick and polished look and feel, as it heads out with a broadly fresh cast.

    Leyton Williams (Bad Education) reprises his West End role as Jamie, and whilst his vocals were not the strongest, his portrayal of Jamie was deliciously delightful. Amy Ellen Richardson absolutely nails her two show-stopping numbers as Margaret, Jamie’s mother; and George Sampson (Britain’s Got Talent) is impressive as Dean, the school bully. But it was Shane Richie who proved to be the biggest surprise of the night, balancing a measured performance as Hugo with a flamboyant turn as Loco Chanelle, his drag alter ego.

    The strength of the show lies not just in the performances, but in the excellent writing and the superb score. Beautifully blending comedy and emotion, the story is one which easily balances the comedy with genuine feeling. ‘He’s My Boy‘ is nothing short of a torch song, and the more tender moments between Jamie and his Mother nestle beautifully in the feel-good warmth of the sharp script. But there is also tremendous pop bubble-gum fun to be had with many of the musical numbers, and the choreography, characterisations and ensemble cast bring both the stage and the characters to life.

    The show doesn’t re-tread the usual ground with someone struggling with their sexuality, nor about seeking acceptance from their peers. Jamie is out, proud and everyone in his life loves him, which provides a refreshing change to coming of age stories such as these. The struggle is with Jamie’s self-image and his self-belief; and of the impact of his absent and rejecting father; and is very much a story about what makes a family rather than focusing on the acceptance or otherwise of Jamie’s sexuality.

    The new touring production for 2020 brings with it a vivacious burst of energy and the show remains as utterly joyful and triumphant as ever. I laughed, I cried and I cheered on multiple occasions over the show’s duration, and if you’ve not been able to catch the show in the West End, then the national tour is bringing Jamie to a theatre near you. Move aside, Blood Brothers, there’s a new standing ovation musical in town.

  • RESTAURANT REVIEW | Xier, London – A feast for the eyes and tastebuds

    RESTAURANT REVIEW | Xier, London – A feast for the eyes and tastebuds

    ★★★★★ | Xier, Marylebone, London

    Behind the frosted glass windows and the outdoor flowers around the entrance is Xier – a restaurant that is a feast for the eyes and the taste buds – a feast so unlike any other I have ever eaten.

    Entering the cosy looking restaurant on Thayer Street in Marelybone, we were led upstairs to a brightly lit room – rather posh I would say. This is where the Xier experience starts. From there we were taken on a culinary journey, led by a very knowledgeable staff who all knew what they were serving, from the exotic drinks to the even more exotic food. We were guided by them through a 10-course tasting menu accompanied by a selection of wines and cocktails chosen to enhance the food and the experience. And what an experience it was. The food was very different yet extremely delicious!

    Herewith is a breakdown of the 10 course meal we had (the courses on the menu are subject to change according to seasons and what is available): 

    1.) French Kiss. A glass block with literally a red kiss on it, made up of passionfruit, pistachio, and fennel with Japanese pumpkin. I imagine that this is exactly what the color red tastes like if it were food. And what an explosion of taste! It’s the best kiss I’ve had all year (thankfully the year is still young!) This is served alongside:

    2.) Kabocha (Japanese squash) Crispy Pancake topped with black truffles (delicate and delicious and to die for!) and chestnuts resting on a bed of pumpkin seeds (not to be eaten). It was small but sumptuous. Then came

    3.) Orkney Scallop Crudo, Cured Duck with Caviar swimming in an absolutely stunning Soy Dashi (Japanese stock soup) and Malabar sauce (sprayed) served, cleverly, in a large sea shell over a bed of black rocks. And to top it off, to get the full effect of the dish, a bowl of moss is delivered with liquid nitrogen poured onto it, releasing an earthy-smelling vapour across the table, the perfect accompaniment to the rich flavours of the dish. It’s one of the many actions of the evening that is very theatrical which enhances the experience. The scallops were just divine, as was the sauce. All in all an incredible dish and perhaps one of the best dishes I have ever eaten! The scallops literally melted on my tongue and the tiny bits of black caviar were just heavenly. 

    4.) Rose Cured Salmon, Foie Gras, Kumquad, Yuzu and Hazelnuts topped with coriander leaves and passion fruit puree, with beetroot was next. Hard to top the scallops, this small block of salmon – one of Xier’s signature dishes – where the salmon was solid – was a extreme combination of flavors all packed into a very small portion – yet it worked very well. Next was

    5.) Gyoza dumpling (consisting of edamame beans) with hints of pepper, ginger, shallots, and spring onions – to be eaten with chopsticks – and served swimming in a stunning red cabbage tea – which was so unique and flavourful that one was not enough. Bravo for this dish – it was divine.

    6.) Cleanser. Time for a break from the food. A Mandarin granita with Blue Curacao sorbet in a small glass cup served on top of a bed of ice in a white glass bowl on a white glass plate was just what was needed to clear the palet for what was to come next – more incredible food!

    7.) Black Cod in Caramel Miso, Walnuts, Pistachio, Celeriac & Pear. The cod was so delicious, cooked well done on the outside yet tender and moist on the inside. Xier’s second signature dish – it was beautifully cooked and served with Burnt Kiwi leaf oil and celery Pear Puree. This was preceded by the amazing

    8.) British Beef Cheek and Pickled Beetroot, on top of Collard Greens and topped with Bone Marrow. The Beef – sourced from the UK – was tender, moist, and literally falls apart on the dish and on your fork. And the red wine grapes au jus is just icing on the beef – the best beef I’ve had in many years. This was the last of the main courses and it was a high to top all highs!

    9.) Swedish Cheese and Fresh Fizzy grapes were a nice delicate touch to wind down the meal. This is served alongside small ginger bread snaps with three jellies that consisted individually of white wine, red wine and walnut & pear. So many tastes – your taste buds will thank you! 

    10.) The final course was, of course, dessert, called Sweet Pleasure on the menu. And these were normal portions, but we realized bigger doesn’t necessarily mean better. Four desserts were delivered to our table – Chocolate passionfruit Mousse (funny looking but with delicious banana crips); very good banana ice cream; an unusual chestnut parfait on a bed of blackcurrant sauce with mandarin segments and topped with a nice hazelnut cracker; and a small slice of pear cake. The mousse wasn’t our cup of tea, it didn’t have a great taste, and the pear dish was too sugar-coated, but credit is given for the mousse – it was unusual, unique, and visually appealing. 

    Drinks come at price – of course. You can choose to have the wine & Cocktail Pairing for an additional £85 or alternatively the Deluxe Wine Pairing at £190 extra, or better yet just order drinks from the drinks menu separately. One drink I recommend is the Mango Tiki served in a pineapple tin cup. Mouth watering with rum, papaya, mango with orange juice and topped with Mango foam. Stay away from the Apricot Tai – too too sweet. Of course Xiers’ wine list is very very extensive – too many to mention here, but my dining companion had a Vodkatini – which he very much enjoyed – as well as a few glasses of wine which were all very very fine, even though the pour was small. 

    In each and every bite of the food we can taste the hard work done in the kitchen to prepare, cook, and serve all these amazing dishes. Xier, the first solo venture from Italian Chef Carlo Scotto – has rewritten the rules on fine dining with Xier. The menu is from his culinary experiences, with aspects of his travels through Europe, Scandinavia and especially Japan, which you can tell had a huge influence on his skills as a chef.

    I had commented to my dining companion about halfway through our meal that I felt the courses were too small and that I would probably need more food on the way home, well that was not the case after the tenth course. We both were comfortably full and were just taken aback with the whole experience.

    Open for only one year, the room has clean lines, is very minimalist, stylish yet very much on the quiet side, with the excellent staff hovering about to make sure you know what you are eating. They do explain, in lots of detail, when the food is delivered what you are about to eat, otherwise you’d have no idea. Downstairs is XR, which offers prestige A-La-Carte dining. So it’s up to you to decide what you prefer. But the ten course tasting menu is just absolutely divine, and worth every penny of the £95 you will be charged. And with this menu being changed from time to time – it will be interesting to know what type of dishes Scotto will be dreaming up next. But guaranteed they will be amazing and out of this world.

  • CAR REVIEW | Volvo XC 60 T6 R-Design

    CAR REVIEW | Volvo XC 60 T6 R-Design

    Volvo XC 60 T6 R-Design : The Blocky Volvo.

    Rating: 3 out of 5.

    Volvo are on full assault for every market they can reach with their current range of saloons, estates and SUV’s. Their keyword is premium and they arrived here quite quickly. Very soon they are to be joined by their premium Polestar brand that’s above premium with prices to match. 

    In the meantime, I’m here with their XC60 T6 R-Design AWD from their SUV range. It’s a petrol 4 cylinder producing 310bhp mated to an 8-speed automatic gearbox.

    Quite often you’ll find motoring journalists bemoan about the lack of difference, if any, between the drive modes. The XC60 gives you five. Eco, Comfort, Individual, Dynamic and Off Road. All five feel different and the last two offer notable differences in road height. 

    The difference comes at a cost and it isn’t perfect. Comfort is your standard set up though with the plethora of onboard options and set-ups Volvo gives you, any of the drive modes can be set as your preferred reset choice the moment you turn the ignition key. 

    I’ll start with the niceties first and that’s the ride. Body control is controlled well. In Comfort mode, you will have little problem with the serenity it affords you even on its largish alloy wheels. The quietness in the cab is eerily quiet like an electric vehicle. It almost makes a mockery of Volvo’s own hybrid drive systems for silent running. It becomes taught and lower in dynamic and it allows the large bulk of the XC60 to be driven with some serious gusto. And thankfully it does and you’ll discover why next.

    My problem is with its T6 drive train. It kicks you all the time unless you are gentle with the throttle. Its 310bhp comes in from 5700 rpm but this isn’t where we have a problem. It’s the 400Nm of torque. It just doesn’t feel like it’s there when you press the throttle. Considering it’s available from a lowly 2200rpm, its prowess is also thwarted by a hesitant gearbox. It takes the gearbox a noticeable amount of time to respond. Dynamic mode does go some way to eradicate it but it doesn’t totally vanish. Instead, it makes it a little more snappy. The two combined don’t make for a fluidity and serenity that the XC60 gives you in its ride. 

    The inside is all very Volvo. The interior fit and finish are above the expected and there are nice silver accents around to lift the dark R-Design interior. I can’t really enthuse any more than I have previously about the XC60 range so I’ll go straight to another area that Volvo does really well.

    The home screen of the infotainment system is pretty standard stuff. Swipe left and depending on your options, you are greeted with lots of safety equipment to switch on and off. These can be moved around to suit your own preferences for items you need to select quickly like parking assistance. 

    Swipe down and you get another set of options and these allow you to further adapt and personalise the vehicle set up to your requirements. These are then saved and won’t revert unless there is a system reset. 

    That in itself is an area many manufacturers don’t think about. There is nothing worse than setting up a car and then having to do it all again after the ignition has been switched off.

    Volvo set out to make their range feel premium and many little things that further make it a car that feels like a quality product. Puddle lights set in the door handles dim down in sync with the sidelights when you lock it on the remote.

    The XC60 R-Design does a lot of great things in the popular market of the sporty SUV where it seems acceptable to compromise the ride quality. The XC60, however, is more than acceptable in its ride set ups with its differences being noticeable.

    It might come as a surprise that I’ve been quite harsh with handing out my stars to this XC60. Considering we gave the XC60 D4 Momentum Pro 5 stars, I just cannot rave about this XC with the T6 engine and gearbox. It doesn’t do what it says on the box and ruins an otherwise splendid vehicle. 

    Love

    Quiet cabin

    Parking heater system

    Details

    Loathe

    Hesitant gearbox

    Throttle input reaction

    Rear occupant heater fan noisy in the front

    The Lowdown

    Car –  Volvo XC60 T6 AWD R-Design

    Price – £ 59,485 (as tested)

    MPG – 28 – 31.7 mpg (WLTP combined)

    Power – 310hp

    0-62mph –  5.6 seconds

    Top Speed – 140 mph

    Co2 –  181(g/km)

    All Photos (C) Stuart M Bird

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Persona

    THEATRE REVIEW | Persona

    INSISTENCE IS FUTILE!

    -By-

    Fraulein Sasha Selavie

    Rating: 2 out of 5.

    As Star Trek’s Borg Queen, Alice Krige was instantly, shockingly unearthly, an stunning visual heart-attack, as unlikely as an 8-foot drag queen twerking on crack! An arguable career highlight, the role propelled Krige into the media stratosphere, paving the way for an acclaimed, deeply nuanced run in Spooks.

    Profundity Murdered By Pedestrian Pedants! 

    Effortlessly cutting the actorial mustard, her every, hugely conflicted moment a master-class in killer drama, Krige proved an absolute dramatic revelation on screen.

    So – pardon our French – WTF happened to Krige’s live acting chops? In the beautifully refurbished Riverside Studios opening production, Persona, an adaptation of Ingmar Bergmans’ masterly and forensic dissection of identity, she’s an inaudible as a de-miked Madonna futilely gyrating on stage.

    How come? Was she somehow under the assumption that film-craft projection – where the slightest whisper is captured by multiple, ultra-sensitive boom mics – would be adequate for a packed space with severely raked seats, with all those packed bodies relentlessly soak up the sound?

    Poor, poor Alice – how badly mistaken can an actress be? And – to be fair – she’s hardly helped by those steep raked bench seats. Ever cursed the sea of bobbing heads blocking your sight-line at a badly-planned venue? Welcome to a Grade-A theatrical nightmare!

    And – unbelievably – the production choices descend from poor to atrocious.

    Bergman’s movie, briefly, is intensely focused on the deepening, psychic symbiosis between Sister Alma, a female nurse, and the inexplicably mute, traumatised actress –Elisabet – she’s caring for in a remote, isolated clinic.

    Never easy viewing and exceptionally demanding cinema, Bergman’s script is dense, tortuous, gnomic and elliptical, hardly the stuff of unintentional comedy. So it doesn’t help when – as a result of an inexplicable creative choice – director Paul Schoolman doubles up as an utterly superfluous, onstage narrator to what’s best staged as an intense two-hander. What on earth does adding a dreary, flatly inexpressive voice-over detailing Bergman’s creative process and thoughts on filming Persona add to a show where the principles – Krige and Nobuhle Mngcwengi’s mute actress Elizabet -are crouching invisible and inaudible on a visually obstructed stage?

    Which opens another, hugely contentious issue – colour-blind casting, which, normally, should be comprehensively embraced across the board. Here, however, Bergman’s crucial point is that the nurse and actress, initially almost physically identical, fuse even more deeply into an almost symbiotic psyche. So it’s especially jarring – and dramatically incoherent – to have an ice-pale Krige paired with Nobuhle Mngcwengi, a visually contrasting woman of colour, justly acclaimed as a singer/songwriter, but with a puzzlingly insubstantial acting CV.

    So, are there any redeeming aspects of this production? Mercifully, yes. Stepping into Riverside’s pristine, aesthetically barren main studio – less artistically inspired than Trump’s bright orange, mad clown make-up – my oestrogen-choked genitals suddenly leapt with faux-orgasmic joy. And the source of my bliss? William Close’s lusciously imposing Earth Harp, all taut, shining copper cables studded with lights and sensors, invitingly strung high above us from the stage to the studio’s rear wall.

    The effect? Gorgeously intimidating, like willingly entering a dominatrix’s hi-tech torture chamber, or feeling like human mice at the imminent mercy of a gigantic cheese-wire.

    Ever heard of Laurie Anderson? She’s an avant-garde electronica musician, who pioneered tactile instruments, surfaces sensitive to sensor gloves that instantly release sounds. Hugely bolstered by digital reverb, the resulting music is a physically exhilarating, deep bass throb in our helplessly receptive flesh.

    It’s an über-kinky, utterly cutting-edge cyber-fetishism, an ideal prop for an S&M, transhumanist orgy.

    And Earth Harp player William Close – all close-cropped, spiky silver hair and killer beard – plays his heart out like a swashbuckling, psychic pirate, unpredictably hi-jacking our sympathies as the score’s sonorous, body-shaking chords demand. If this production’s insistence on low-key whispering and restricted visibility is a misguided attempt at projecting emotional intimacy, William Close’s bravura swagger makes his startling soundscapes anything but futile!

    Persona adapted from the Ingmar Bergman movie at the Riverside Studios to February 23rd. 0208-237-1000

  • FILM REVIEW | Emma: is a Joy

    FILM REVIEW | Emma: is a Joy

    Emma ★★★★

    The new film ‘Emma’ – based on Jane Austen’s 1815 novel – is about a rich young woman who sees her friends all around her falling in love. But does Emma want love?

    Starring Anya Taylor-Joy, who plays Emma with a spark, and lives a very comfortable life with her very rich father (Bill Nighy) – who always feels a draft in his house) much to the dismay of his butlers. But it’s Emma who rules the roost – and who plays matchmaker for her girlfriends – all hanging on her every word.

    Her friends include the daughters of Miss Bates (a hilarious turn by Miranda Hart), and her friend Miss Harriet Smith (Mia Goth). But while others around her are falling in love right and left, love eludes Emma – and it’s been under her nose all along! Will her knight in shining armour be George (Johnny Flynn) or Mr Elton (Josh O’Connor) or Frank (Callum Turner)? ‘Emma’  – a story told many times in the past, is a fun film – perfect for Valentines Day. Directed by Autumn de Wilde, with sumptuous costumes and sets, and Anya Taylor-Joy is a joy!

    Now open in UK cinemas

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Muzik, London

    THEATRE REVIEW | Muzik, London

    ★★★★★ | Muzik, Leicester Square Theatre, London

    It takes someone with a lot of talent, energy, charisma and pizzaz to keep you mesmerised, enthralled, entertained and laughing non-stop in a one hour show. Frances Barber does just this playing Billie Trix in the show ‘Muzik.’

    Barber is, in a word, brilliant in her one woman show where she recounts the life, and acting as, Billie Trix, who was an icon, rock star, screen goddess, and drug addict.

    In a show written by Jonathan Harvey and with songs by the Pet Shop Boys, Barber (Trix) tells of her life when she belonged to the Warhol crew (there is a funny joke about a gun and Valerie Solanas – the woman who shot Warhol), to her time in Paris, and how her and her mother never saw eye to eye. The jokes are fast and furious and hilarious. Barber keeps the momentum going singing the hilarious songs about anything and nothing. No stone is left unturned when she, truth or not, recounts the time when she was Donald Trumps lover and how she could’ve been the princess to Prince Harry.

    This one hour show is jam packed with her stories; Madonna is in disguise in the audience, and her agent, also in the audience, is happily eating away. If you get a chance go see this show. I knew nothing about Trix, and Barber until now – Barber made me laugh until I cried.

    MUSIK
    Written by Jonathan Harvey
    & Pet Shop Boys

    Leicester Square Theatre
    6 Leicester Place
    London WC2H 7BX

    Wednesday 5 February – Sunday 1 March

    Tues-Thurs £22.50, £34.50 & Premiums £42.50
    Fri-Sat £22.50, £42.50 & Premiums £49.50
    Sun £22.50, £37.50 & Premiums £45.00
    These prices are inclusive of all booking fees and theatre levy

    Ticket Booking Line
    0207 7342222

    www.leicestersquaretheatre.com