THEGAYUK

Category: Review

  • RESTAURANT REVIEW | Ametsa with Arzak Instruction, at The Halkin Hotel.

    The restaurant is situated in Belgravia’s Halkin hotel. The Halkin is one of the hotels belonging to the prestigious COMO group (boasting utter gorgeousness globally).
    The “Arzak Instruction” was established by a team of five from Arzak restaurant (who hold three Michelin stars) to deliver the philosophies of a unique and unforgettable cooking style to the Ametsa (currently holding one Michelin star).Rooted in the traditions of ‘New Basque Cuisine’, pairing earthy flavours and techniques of Spain’s Basque region with modern, surprising twists. Fresh, locally-sourced and organic produce from land and sea are Ametsa’s building blocks.
    I really recommend you opt for the tasting menu to sample a little of everything that the creative and flavour geniuses have to offer. The tasting menu (£105 pp / £154pp with wine pairing) will have you and your table ooh-ing, ahh-ing with at every dish and with every mouthful inducing your eyes to roll in the back of your head. This is beyond food porn- harnessing invention, elements of nostalgia, exploration and of course, a bit of drama.
    To start, a little amuse bouche in the form of a tomato and strawberry chilled soup, served in a shot glass- as tempting as it is to down in one from something in a shot glass, please don’t, far too pretty and tasty to be over so quickly.
    The Onion Rock with Marinated Anchovie for me was one of the most visually enchanting dishes, and as an appetizer really does set the tone for the continuing flawless presentation and intricate skill applied to each dish. The “rock” element appearing bizarre in black and tasting like mellow yellow onions, with a coiled anchovie atop soft, silky- exquisite textures against one another.
    The Sunflower Seed Cracker with Duck was something like the finest version of a pate on toast, even the crackers appeared to have some form of architecture to them.
    A little fruity “pasta” parcel containing the Chistorra – a sweet chorizo-type sausage meat was light and mousse-like leaving you with a tangy tongue.
    Scallops at Home- for me this was one of the highlights of the highlights. Served with a seaweed cracker with tiny edible flowers filling its crevices, again the attention to detail is transcendent, and the dish also flashed a nod to the realm of “superfoods” coming with a sweet creamy goji berry sauce. I don’t think a dish has ever made me smile the way that this one did.
    The Langoustine on a Bed of Lichens- for me on paper does not conjour any feelings of excitement, especially as a lichen can also mean a skin ailment. However upon delivery of the dish, the langoustine with only its fleshiest of fleshy part (no ugly whole headed aliens on the plate), served with a perched cracker made with crab looking something like a Philip Treacy hat- sweet & stunning.
    When you book for the tasting menu, your table is likely to receive different plates / menus from one another when you get the fish and meat section. This was great as we really did get to try a bit of everything, and sharing is definitely caring here.

    A little minx of a dish, the seductive and smoky Tuna with Cinnamon arrives in all its pinky handsomeness with a glass dome atop the plate encompassing a cinnamon myst. The dome is lifted and savoury woody aromas surround you. The table is also presented with a smoking cinnamon stick- sensory explosion.

    For my friend dining, her highlight was the Red Emperor with Beans, with the fish (snapper) cooked ridiculously well and an earthy well seasoned white bean sauce. The plate was decorated with more edible flowers, this really was a regal winner.
    The Suckling Pig on Carob Crumbs was a hunky platform of pork with some cracking crackling. An amazing bit of meat, but I did find the dish as a whole far too rich for my palette at this point of the meal. Also I have always had an aversion to anything carob. But as we had been served different meat dishes, it gave us the opportunity to share.
    The Beef Fillet with Green Tomato, was another outstanding dish, the meat served as it should be medium-rare, with a light green tomato mousse encompassing the essence of everything fresh. Its flavour can only be described as clean and green. I’ve never tasted anything quite like it and would have quite happily been served the mousse on it’s own.
    Before we were served dessert, a little delight came along in the form of a shot glass containing flavour elements of sangria (peel, berry etc), with popping candy. Topped up at the table with Sangria you then delve in with a spoon. I really liked this idea, it brought another fun element and also a little nod to childhood via popping candy. My friend didn’t get on with the Sangria shot and within minutes an alternative had been sent out in the form of homemade gelato which was very well received. All your needs are catered for here.
    Clove Custard, Toasted Milk and Pineapple Ice Cream – utterly aromatic and warming flavours making the cooling, light ice cream an intriguing, clever, and undeniably moreish dish. The toasted milk shards (much like a thin wafer) were crisp and reminded me of the chocolate Caramac’s flavour, delicious against the piquant pineapple ice cream.
    The service, much like its food is absolute. A flawless stream of perfectly timed new dishes to the table and topping up / changing of the wines to pair each plate. The service does feel orchestrated, and I have seen others refer to it as robotic. However, the tasting menu is a show and I can only applaud these masters of precision and perfection.
    It’s worth mentioning Ametsa with Arzak Instruction also offer a set lunchtime menu for £27.50.
    Reviewed by @LohanJordanADDRESS: 5-6 Halkin St, London SW1X 7DJPHONE: 020 7333 1234

    PRICE: £££££ (explained)

    STAR RATING: ***** (explained)

    TIPPING POLICY: http://www.comohotels.com/thehalkin/dining/ametsa-arzak-instruction/reservations

  • TECH REVIEW: Majority Titan Speaker

    The publicity for this speaker makes a bold statement about the dock based speaker systems being back, and back with a vengeance.

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  • RESTAURANT REVIEWS: The Narrow, Limehouse

    Cussy-Chops’s (Gordon Ramsay’s) hard graft has been decorated with numerous Michelin stars since 1993 – the Gordon Ramsay group currently own 25 restaurants globally.

    For Cussy-Chops, running a nosh-house is much like Karl Lagerfeld designing a red-carpet dazzler – a natural. His top table, Restaurant Gordon Ramsay at Royal Hospital Road London, is one of only four eateries in the UK that currently hold three Michelin stars.

    Last month THEGAYUK were invited to sample Ramsay’s culinary fare, minus reality-TV cameras, to see if there is ‘Hell’ in The Narrow Limehouse London’s ‘Kitchen’.

    In 2007 The Narrow’s doors were first flung open, and it’s clear that was the last time the interior received any TLC. She’s neatly situated by the Thames – from the conservatory, your view to the left is the financial hub of London, and to the right, the Shard beams at you in all its phallic glory. Despite this sophisticated location, there’s a feeling that you could be visiting your great-grandma in her residential home – sun-bleached blue sofas and a complete lack of attempt to hide the B&Q-style window frames.

    The gastro pub’s toilets matched the standard of a Wetherspoon’s during the World Cup. Cussy-Chops and his Kitchen Nightmare team should get back on the road and head to Limehouse and address his own flagging decor.

    We were seated in the Nana’s glass-house and offered an apéritif – cocktails seemed appropriate.

    Devil in Disguise: Leblon Cachaca, Green Chartreuse, Martini Bianco, white Cacao and lemon. A slight undercurrent similar to tequila with herby notes. In the description, the Devil boasts: Our creation to expose chocolate and lemon magnificent compatibility – hm. Got the lemon, maybe they overexposed the chocolate. Refreshing all the same.

    Internacional: Bacardi Superior, apricot-infused Martini Rosso and Kümmel. If you could drink a Cuban version of Chanel Coco Mademoiselle, this is what it would taste like. An original, heavily-scented imbibe that jabs with potency and flavours of cumin.

    Good service in a Ramsay gaff is like buff, topless bar staff at Ku Bar – totally expected. We weren’t disappointed. NoF Words passed our lips – the staff were knowledgeable and treated us as if we were regulars.

    To oil the food devouring, our waiter chose a bottle of Gouguenheim Valle Escondido Malbec, Mendoza 2014, from Argentina. A deep red, rich and forceful number – aromas of currants chocolate and cherries with a lasting finish. Malbec-n-marvellous.

    To start, from the specials’ board: goat’s cheese and spinach ravioli. Al dente and piping hot – the goat cheese’s strong flavour didn’t overpower but gave a notable presence. Delicious.

    Our other starter: Potted salt beef with apple, pickle and sourdough. Think pastrami minus the pepper. A decent pub potted meat.

    For a Tuesday night, Gordon’s gaff was simmering with locals who’d come straight from the office or schlepped from their Limehouse pied-à-terres, giving the riverside eatery a warm and relaxed atmosphere.

    For our mains: Wye Valley duck breast with port sauce, confit garlic and sautéed potatoes. The duck was succulent and pink in the middle, verging on the sweet side, beautifully mirrored by the rich sauce.

    commendation: the 10oz Aberdeenshire ribeye with peppercorn sauce. Ribeye can be riddled with fat, thus spoiling the consumption. This was a quality cut of beef, tender and without a fat infestation. The sauce was light, not too creamy – the corns liquified on the tongue.

    We shared a couple of sides: creamy spinach and rosemary hand-cut chips. The spinach was fluffy and the chips were crisp, but seemed to have detached themselves from the rosemary.

    Belt loops by pud time were feeling the pressure – but we soldiered on.

    We shared a banana sticky toffee pudding with Purbeck salted caramel ice cream and, from the specials, a vanilla creme brûlée. Our waiter, who had a slight touch of the Robert Downey Jr’s about him, urged us toward said sticky pud – we were jolly pleased he did. The velvety sponge brimmed with banana and flattered the premium south-west ice cream.

    The brûlée slipped off the spoon like gazpacho – it wasn’t set. A good crunch to the head and the vanilla pulled through.

    Finally, a couple of espresso martinis to aid our navigational system for the journey home – more ice-lolly than flat-white – lush.

    Dear Cussy-Chops, take some spondoodles out of your ever-expanding bank account and spruce up The Narrow- one facelift and you’ll have yourself a pretty respectable gastro pub – just sayin.

     

    REVIEWED BY: Thabian Sutherland

    ADDRESS: 44 Narrow Street, London, E14 8DP

    TELEPHONE: +44 (0) 207 592 7950

    EMAIL: thenarrow@gordonramsay.com

    WEBSITE: https://www.gordonramsayrestaurants.com/the-narrow/

    RATING: ★★★★ (explained)

    PRICE: ££££ (explained)

    Tipping Policy: A discretionary service charge of 12.5% will be added to your bill.

  • RESTAURANT REVIEW | Tapas Revolution in Grand Central – Birmingham

    Last night, I went on a palatable trip to Spain with Tapas Revolution in Grand Central – Birmingham, restaurant of which was started by the passionate and Spanish food enthusiast Omar Allibhoy.

    Tapas Revolution has been around since 2010, with three existing restaurants in London, and now Tapas Revolution Birmingham has made a grand opening in the second city, and boy – what a gem it is!

    Specialising in Spanish food, in particular Tapas – food that is prevalent in most regions of Spain where various dishes are displayed to share and sample at leisure, this restaurant combines tradition and modernity within a contemporary setting, with an oval-shaped bar where you can grab a sneaky dish, to a spacious dining area with view to the whole of Grand Central, adorned with quirky wooden features, that made you feel at Spanish home. In this space, we had a table to fit all of our Tapas choices.

    I went along with my Spanish friend, who was slightly dubious about authentic Spanish food situated in Birmingham, but with a warm welcome from the service team, and a later introduction from Omar himself, we succumbed to the pleasant atmosphere. My partner’s face lit up as soon as he saw La Socarrada on the menu which is a beer renowned for its rosemary and honey tones, but it was a close match between that beer or the ‘er Boquerón’ famous for using sea water during the brewing process, so after all this, I knew he had been won over.

    We ordered few Tapas, all of which were priced below the £6.00 mark, and in fact all Tapas come under this price, which makes it flexible to have fun and be unashamedly creative when choosing different combinations. We went for: Torreznos con mojo dulce (crispy belly pork, with spicy sauce), Croquetas de Bacalao (béchamel croquettes with deep-fried cod), Pulpo a la Gallega (steamed octopus with paprika potatoes) and Patatas Bravas (deep-fried potatoes with spicy tomato and alioli). All dishes were sublime and tickled the taste buds: the winner for me was the crispy belly pork in spicy sauce which was perfectly cooked and seasoned to the point of being able to order five dishes of Torreznos.

    When our Tapas arrived, we were greeted by the friendly and bubbly Omar who took pride in asking us about our thoughts and took time to share his story of how Tapas Revolution came about. The most surprising fact learned was that Tapas Revolution is the only restaurant in Grand Central to have cooks start at 6am to have the finest food prepared and made for the opening time.

    I was so impressed with the whole experience, from the atmosphere, the service, and was extremely inspired by the Omar’s hard-work and dedication to his restaurant, as he told me that he comes up and down on a weekly basis to cook, manage and serve Tapas to the highest standard and at a very modest price.

    I am already forcing my colleagues to go and visit, and picking dates on my diary to go back!

     

    Reviewed by: Alex Da Silva | @AlexMDaSilva

    Address: Tapas Revolution –Grand Central, 68A East Mews, Birmingham, B2 4XJ

    Website: http://www.tapasrevolution.com

    Star Rating: *****

    Cost Rating: ££

  • FILM REVIEW | Tangerine, A Film You Will Not Want To Miss

    ★★★★★ | Tangerine

    Two transgender prostitutes tear up Santa Monica Boulevard in the brilliant new film ‘Tangerine.’

    In a week that also sees the releases of Michael Fassbender in Steve Jobs and Dame Maggie Smith inLady in a Van, Tangerine is far and above the best film of the three.

    It is one of the most funny and original films of the year. and stars two transgender actresses in the lead roles, roles that will make them both stars.

    Mya Taylor is Alexandra, and Kitana Kiki Rodriquez is Sin-Dee (yes, Sin-Dee), it’s Christmas Eve in Los Angeles, and Sin-Dee has just got out of jail after spending 28 days for holding drugs for her pimp boyfriend Chester (James Ransom). She finds out, from Alexandra, that Chester has been having sex with Dinah (Mickey O’Hagan), so Sin-Dee goes on a mission to find Dinah and then to confront Chester. And Alexandra is having her own drama – she’s performing at a local bar that night and has passed out fliers to everyone she knows. Meanwhile, she’s got one of her regular customers, Razmik (Karren Karaguilian), looking for her. Razmik has problems of his own, he’s attracted to transgender prostitutes, but he’s married with a young daughter at home. He’s also got his nosy mother-in-law visiting for the holidays.

    Sin-Dee finds Dinah in a motel room with several other prostitutes and their naked male customers, so she literally kidnaps her and then heads to confront Chester. Alexandra, meanwhile, scuffles with a customer who doesn’t feel like he should pay her because he didn’t come. But she does have sex with Razmik in a brilliant uncut sex scene in a car wash. All these characters converge together at the local Donut Shop as they confront each other about infidelity in a very dramatic and hilarious ending. Tangerine is a Christmas tale not of the typical Christmas kind.

    Shot on three iphone 5s’ on a $105,000 budget, Tangerine is not the sort of movie you would expect to be dazzling, funny, dramatic, adventurous and original, but it is. Thanks to the many elements that bring this 88-minute film to fruition which make it so; the guerrilla style filmmaking is excellently created by Director, Editor, Co-Cinematographer and Co-Writer Sean Baker (co-written along with Chris Bergoch). And the actors are fantastic. Baker initially met Taylor at the Los Angeles Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Queer Community Center, and she introduced him to all her friends, including Rodriquez, which is how ‘Tangerine’ came to be, and these two actresses more than carry the movie, they are the movie, you can’t take your eyes off them. The rest of the cast is also brilliant; especially Karaguilian (who is a professional actor) brings sympathy to his role as a man trying to do the right thing but who also harbours a secret, and O’Hagan as the ‘other’ woman who is literally dragged around Los Angeles by Sin-Dee in the search for Chester. The Los Angeles neighborhood where this film is shot feels like another character in the film; the hued and hazzy skies, cheap motels, strange people and very cheap fast food restaurants litter the area. And the music (and script) is cutting edge; pulsating, loud, sharp, a perfect match for a film with characters who are the same, who spew lines such as, “He just went from half fag to full fag” to “You forget I’ve got a dick too,” with copious amounts of the word ‘bitch’ and ‘whore.’

    Tangerine is a smorgasbord of wit and sarcasm. It’s also brilliant and must be seen to be believed.

  • FILM REVIEW | In The Grayscale – A Chilean love affair

    FILM REVIEW | In The Grayscale – A Chilean love affair

    Two men, who seem perfect together, fall in love in the new Chilean gay film ‘In the Grayscale.’ ★★★★

    We first meet Bruno (Francisco Celhay) in his grandfathers’ workshop studio where he is living. He’s an architect, and has been assigned by the city commissioners to design a new monument in Santiago. Bruno is introduced to Fer (Emilio Edwards), a history teacher who knows Santiago inside out and will help Bruno look for a unique spot for the monument. Bruno is recently separated from his wife Soledad (Daniela Ramirez) and they share custody of their young son Daniel (Matias Torres). Soledad is very depressed about the breakup of their marriage, and there are days when she can’t get out of bed, even when she’s supposed to be watching Daniel.

    Bruno, a handsome quiet type, and Fer, who’s very goodlooking, perky, full of jokes, very energetic with a perfect smile and perfect hair, spend their days together riding their bikes around Santiago. And over the course of their tours of the city, Bruno slowly starts to fall for Fer. It’s a love affair that Bruno finds surprised to be in; he always had doubts about his sexuality but didn’t realize he was going to find someone like Fer. But Bruno has responsibilities with his family, plus he’s ignoring the work that he’s been given so he’s under a lot of pressure to please everyone. And word is out that he’s been seen spending time with, and kissing, another man. Can Bruno handle the pressure of his new relationship while trying to be a role model to his son?

    ‘In the Grayscale,’ which literally translates to being in a state of flux, or being in a range of gray without any color, is pretty much a depiction of Bruno’s life, and is an impressive debut feature from Claudio Marcone. It’s an eye opening film depicting one man questioning his sexuality pitted against another man who’s very comfortable with his. The two male leads are very good, confident in their roles, making the story very believable. But the best bit of the movie comes at the end in the form of a song called ‘Disfruto’ by Carla Morrison which rolls over the closing credits. Morrison’s voice is angelic, and the song, which translates to enjoy, is an ode to secret love, where she sings (in Spanish) ‘be with me during this time, to guard the secret, and to be careful with these moments.’ It’s a beautiful song that wraps up the love between the two men in the film.

    Available on Amazon

  • CAR REVIEW | Renault Captur Dynamique Media Nav

    The Renault Captur is proving a popular choice amongst those after an alternative to a common-or-garden hatchback.

    Based on the same platform as the Clio supermini, it’s a similar length but both wider and taller. Engines mirror the Clio range with 900cc and 1.2 litre turbocharged petrol engines along with a 1.5 litre diesel on offer. It may be competitively priced but is it any good?

    First impressions are positive; the exterior is smartly styled with an attractive take on the Renault corporate ‘face’, nicely sculpted sides and pert rear. There’s even the option of a contrasting roof and coloured highlights on the wheels for those that want to stand out. The Captur may ride higher than the Clio it’s based on but don’t think it has any off-road ability. There isn’t even the option of four-wheel drive.

    Move inside and everything is laid out pretty sensibly apart from the switch to toggle between the cruise control and speed limiter; this was unhelpfully between the front seats. Still, the heater controls are easy to use and the infotainment isn’t mounted too far down the dashboard like some rivals. It’s not overly exciting but it is attractive enough, especially with the piano black trim and body coloured highlights of higher trim levels.

    The Captur is practical too, the boot is a decent size and the seats naturally fold down. Cleverly, they also slide back to give rear passengers more legroom albeit at the expense of carrying capacity. It is however in the cabin where the Captur’s cheap price really shows. Closer inspection reveals acres of hard plastic while the infotainment system looks exceedingly dated compared to rivals. It works well enough though.

    On the road, the Captur proves a comfortable companion that only got caught out by particularly rough surfaces. Not only could it deal with bumps well, it resisted wallowing too. You’d never call it engaging though; the steering provided little to no feedback as to what the front wheels were doing and I couldn’t turn off the traction or stability control. Although that may not be of too much concern to many of you, I found the traction control cut in far too quickly leaving you accelerating out of junctions far slower than you’d expected.

    While it may sound like there’s too much power for the chassis, that isn’t the case at all. Initially, the 1.5-litre diesel seemed quite punchy around town but this feeling soon disappeared on the open road. Despite a quick and enjoyable gearchange, a 0-62 time of 13.1 seconds means getting up to motorway speeds can be a bit of a chore and a noisy one at that. Economy hovered at just under 50mpg on a mixture of roads. Not bad at all for a real world test if somewhat below the official figure of more than 70mpg.

    Still, the Renault does have price on its side. Even before discounts, you can pick one up new for a little over £14,000 which is very competitive indeed. Opt for a decently specced mid-range model and you’ll still be looking at under £18,000 for a vehicle with air-con, sat-nav and cheap running costs. With that in mind, you can forgive a lot of the negative points of the Captur. It’s easy to see why it’s so popular, that’s for sure.

    PROS

    Inexpensive

    High driving position

    Looks

    CONS

    Slow

    Cheap feeling interior

    Dated looking infotainment system

    The Lowdown

    Car – Renault Captur 1.5 dCi Dynamique Nav

    Price – £17,695 (£18,964 as tested)

    Power – 110hp 0-62mph – 11.0 seconds

    Top Speed – 109mph

    Co2 – 98g/km

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Lovesong Of An Electric Bear

    Alan Turing’s life is told, with the help of his teddy bear, in the new play ‘Lovesong of the Electric Bear.’

    Yes, you read it right. It’s a teddy bear called Porgy (Bryan Pilkington in a teddy bear suit) who guides Turing (and the audience) through the events in his life. From his life as a young boy in France, where he was a bit different from the other boys, to his time in Bletchley, where he created his machine which broke the German code during World War II. It’s a strange and unusual little show, currently playing in the small studio upstairs in the Arts Theatre on Great Newport Street, redesigned to look like a codebreakers bunker.

    It’s a true story, written by the late Andrew Wilson. Turing evidently did have a teddy bear, and it’s the teddy bear in the opening sequence who awakens Turing from his deathbed and takes him through the journey of his life.

    It’s an incredible journey, a journey we all know very well from last year’s hit film The Imitation Game, which starred Benedict Cumberbatch as Turing. Not much new information on Turing is provided in this production, but it’s the viewpoint of the teddy bear giving advice and opinion on every move Turing which makes is interesting to say the least. And it’s quite funny, and surreal, especially when Turing (played stoically and confidently by Ian Hallard) starts ‘dating’ Joan (an excellent Laura Harling), and he takes her to meet his parents, but it’s always the bear who is in the background giving advise and musing about Turing’s wrong decisions. And it’s also the bear who advises Turing to get far away from the rent boy (Chris Levens, very good in all the roles he plays in this show) that eventually brought upon Turing’s downfall. And of course we all know how it ends, and that’s the sad part, there was nothing the bear could have done for Turing, in the play and in real life. Turing’s was a life cut too short, he was a man too far ahead of his time.

    Lovesong of the Electric Bear is playing at the Arts Theatre until November 21, 2015

     

     

  • SINGLE REVIEW: Showbiz Christmas, Simon Gross

    Ahhh… Christmas camp.

    There are three things we want in a Christmas song: 1) Camp 2) Camp and 3) Camp and Big Brother’s Showbiz showman Simon Gross delivers all three in outstanding measure in his insta-hit Showbiz Christmas.

    Gross manages to shoehorn in his well-worn, some may argue genius catchphrase “Showbiz” into 3 minutes and 10 seconds of pure Christmas campness, the likes of which we haven’t seen since Cliff Richard released Mistletoe and Wine.

    Move over Weather Girls, Madonna and Wham, we have a contender for the gayest Christmas single ever released.

    If you mix Peter Kay’s Once Upon A Christmas Song, with Britney’s My Only Wish you’re starting to get close to Simon’s Showbiz Christmas.

    Fairly speaking it won’t or can’t match Mariah’s 1994 mega hit All I Want For Christmas, which has entered the UK charts every Christmas since 2005, when chart rules changed to allow digital purchases count towards them, but it makes a fair attempt at giving the UK an alternative to whatever bland winner’s song that Simon Cowell is bound to give the UK as it’s Christmas number 1.

    With proceeds going to Centrepoint, the charity that aims gives homeless young people a future; there’s never been a better reason to change the Christmas number 1

    Available to buy from iTunes and Amazon

  • THEATRE REVIEW | Penny Arcade, Longing Last Longer

    All hail Penny Arcade. Her latest, solo show – Longing Last Longer – knifes gentrification in the guts in a non-stop orgy of conceptual homicide.

    Deliciously stoked and provoked by the severe, outrageously queer Gospel of Quentin Crisp, she’s a multiple-orgasm messiah high on life, love and luxuriant language. Ah, but Quentin’s brilliant, misanthropic spite – an anguished, solitary voice of sanity in a worldwide disturbed ward – is only one voice in Penny’s polyphonic choir of existential fire. Frankly, she’s our Dante, Allan Ginsberg and Martin Luther King sex-changed to a post-indulgence, Mad Max Furiosa, a warrior poetess par excellence. All punk-rock poison to mass stupidity, and spitting incandescent, revelatory bile, she massacres cultural mediocrity on the spot.

    It’s a gorgeous execution. Pointless identity politics and thought-police Nazis – the PC shock-jocks – are ruthlessly dispatched with stunning erudition and torn limb from linguistic limb. So they should be. Why lobotomise ourselves with divisive labels that set one social faction against another? Don’t fascist police states do that already? And that’s where Penny’s sublime, sheer art-attack joyously weighs in. Forget theatre; Longing Lasts Longer is language as visionary music, words and concepts blown as intoxicating, be-bop virtuoso jazz solos.

    Utterly fearless, following no star but her own, outré contrariness and distrust of any authority – even her own! – Penny furiously asks the unsayable. Indiscriminately puking on taboos Labour, Tory and anarchist, she explodes orthodoxies cemented by dogma as utterly facile. And her most contentious target? Arguably, the mythic chimera of sexual freedom. Whatever labels our preening egos prefer – gay, bi, trans or straight – the physical reality is that females nurture and males take. ‘The biological imperative sees no difference between a c*** and an arsehole’, Penny declares with bravura crudity. How right she is. Guys will stick their dicks in anything; hello, glory holes? And even razor blades in prostitute pussies didn’t deter vets in Vietnam.

    But don’t get her wrong. No prude, Penny’s partied for 45 years, the show’s soundtrack brilliantly accenting her excesses with a sonic blizzard of Nirvana, The Doors, Prince and more. Free your mind and your ass will follow, indeed; this is culture cut loose from classrooms and set wildly free as hot, sweaty, erotic dance. ‘I haven’t watched TV for 40 years’ Penny says, and why would she? She’s too busy living, the only known antidote to bovine, terminally-addicted consumerism and online ennui.

    Impassioned, on a hugely physical and flame-haired roll, she decries the certifiably insane world of compulsory self-censorship and hair-trigger text warnings we’re sleepwalking into. ‘Mediocrity is the new black’ (as in fashion essential) Penny cries, and she’s so hilariously on the money it hurts. Apparently, even skimming textual trauma triggers the reality, so how vulnerable students approach American bestseller the Bible – crammed with sex and horror – beggars belief.

    Frighteningly, Penny explains, our very powers of expression – a Niagara Falls of nuances – are being systematically impoverished by corporate consensus. Terrified to even expect sustained attention spans, we Twitter ourselves en masse to gnomic vapidity. George Orwell’s novel 1984 termed the process ‘Doublespeak’; with complex language deliberately erased, even imagining abstract concepts is impossible. Which perfectly suits repressive regimes and aggressive capitalism; the more inarticulate, easily swayed and passive drones we become, the better

    ‘You can’t call yourself fierce and demand a safe space outside of a mental hospital’ Penny inarguably states, succinctly nailing the paradox of fake, lip-service rebellion. So what will you do when, not if, the state dictates your life, liberty and pursuit of happiness? Penny’s answer is taking brilliantly-argued responsibility for her entire life, completely owning each trauma and rapture, with not a single, squandered second. Will you do as much? Don’t delay; ‘The roses in the shops have lost their scent’, Penny bewails, a shockingly astute, contemporary human metaphor. The message is plain, and passionately perfect; either live your own life now, on your own terms, or have it lived for you. Choose life. Choose passion. Choose Penny Arcade. She’s perfect salvation in a soundbite.

     

  • Male Waxing At Wax In The City

    It was a surprisingly sunny morning in London when I arrived at the Chelsea office of Wax in the City.

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