Category: Love And Sex

Ess-eee-ex (I mean ‘S.E.X.’, not ‘Essex’) is a very personal thing.

Everyone has different tastes: what one guy thinks is fan-freakin-tastic will leave another feeling like he’d rather have sea urchins fired at his bollo*ks from a bazooka. Heck, there are probably even some pain fiends out there who dream about having sea urchins fired at their bollo*ks from a bazooka.

But while there is no one bedroom-based behaviour that absolutely everybody universally loves, there are certain erotic moves that have become famous for their ability to make so many of us – ‘pitchers’ and ‘catchers’ alike – think “Mamma mia, this is making me feel chuffing brilliant; more overflowing with Wonder than Stevie’s entire family tree; like a blister full of liquid bliss that’s just about to pop; and so awesomely orgasmic that my head is spinning like a top (even if I’m a bottom!).”

Join me in celebrating four iconic sex positions that are all fairly simple and straightforward, yet infinitely sensual and satisfying…

Layers gonna lay, lay, lay, lay, lay: The Missionary (ABOVE)

Missionary has an unfair reputation for being boring; the beige of bonking. Yet in reality, this traditional, no-frills-just-basic-skills position can result in a gorgeously intimate, loving experience. It allows both partners to look into each other’s eyes; share smiles as they move together; kiss and hold each other during intercourse, and enjoy maximum skin-on-skin body contact.

It may be plain, but Missionary can also be just plain lovely.

In addition, it’s a really good position to opt for if one or both of you are new to penetrative sex, or you’re just beginning a physical relationship with each other.

Why? Because being face to face like this facilitates clear communication. Each of you can easily see your partner’s expressions, so you can quickly tell if they look uncomfortable and perhaps need to slow things down (or, conversely, if they’re feeling more fabulous than a drag queen’s sequin frock collection and would defy Cher and turn back time if it meant they could savour this delicious sex session all over again!). Missionary is not a position made for jackhammer banging; it lends itself to gentle thrusting, and caring, trusting lovemaking.

Want the closeness of Missionary but fancy spicing things up with some extra sensation? Try using lube not only in the anal and genital areas, but also up over your stomachs and chests, so that you slip-slide against each other smoothly as you move.

Cooling lube like Durex Play Tingling can be refreshing on your bodies when hot summer nights get sticky and sweaty. Its zinginess is enhanced when you blow on it, so set up an electric fan to send a breeze coursing across you both to intensify the minty freshness. Try popping the bottle in the fridge beforehand for extra chilled thrills, too. Affectionate, connected, yet hot sex, with cool effects? Missionary accomplished.

Nice bit of ruff: The Doggy

Doing it doggy style: the only time two gay blokes will have a Lassie in the bedroom. 😉

You’d be barking mad not to love this iconic position. For a start, it offers fantastic visuals for the top: their lover on all fours, beautiful botty in the air, presented for him to appreciate…mmmm-mm!

Doggy also allows for easy, comfortable entry for both parties: the receiver can spread their legs as wide as they need to, and the giver is able to clearly see what they’re doing as they ease themselves inside. That might sound obvious, but if you’ve even had a lover accidentally (and painfully) bend your wang while trying to lower themselves onto it and missing, or you’ve been prodded and poked by your partner’s peen as they try and fail to hit the target, you’ll know how much of a relief a simple, easy access position can be for both of you, especially to get things going at the beginning of a session.

While Missionary brings lovers face to face, Doggy turns them away from each other – yet this too has its bonuses (bone-uses?!). Neither of you have to worry that your sex face looks like Deirdre Barlow opening a shocking phone bill. And if you feel like grunting, moaning, or coming out with some dirty talk filthier than a chimney sweep’s flannel, it’s a lot easier to let go when you don’t feel like you’re being watched.

Doin’ it Doggy means the bottom can touch themselves during intercourse – or reach through their legs and fondle their lover’s testicles if they’re feeling more generous!

However, Doggy can still be sensual and sensitive. It’s quite a vulnerable pose that requires a degree of surrender from the receiver; should the giver want to offer some tenderness, they can run their hands over their lover’s back and shoulders, and lean forwards to kiss their neck and whisper sugar-sweetness into their ears.

Want to teach your Doggy new tricks? When he’s in the position, command your man to crawl on his hands and knees to a different room in the house. It adds a little bit of provocative power play, and mixes things up by taking you to a new location. Good boy… It’s the dog’s boll*cks.

Saddle up, yee-haaaaaaaa!:: The Cowboy & Reverse Cowboy

If it’s your first time to the rodeo, let me explain: the Cowboy involves one guy laying down on his back, while his man straddles him, and sits either facing his head (Standard Cowboy) or turned towards his toes (Reverse Cowboy).

The stand-out quality of this bucking bronco of a position is that it allows the receiver to control the pace and depth of thrusting – although the giver can grab his lover’s hips or buttocks to guide this too, if he wishes.

If you want to put on a show for your partner that will have them salivating as though they’ve just had an entire packet of Haribo Tangfastics poured into their gob, perching atop their crotch in the forward-facing Cowboy is the best pose to adopt. Treat them to the sight of you stroking your nipples; trailing your fingers down your torso; gripping yourself; leaning back to grasp their ankles…

As with any form of anal sex, for both comfort and safety, it’s essential to use plenty of lubricant during Cowboy nookie. Silicone-based types like Durex Play Perfect Glide last much longer than water-based varieties. Certainly avoid any lube containing spermicidal ingredients, such as nonoxynol-9. These can irritate the lining of the rectum, causing itching and peeling not unlike sunburn, and making you more susceptible to infections. Keep such chemicals well away from your raunch ranch, pardner.

All time blow: The 69

Satisfying, stress-relieving, bond-enhancing, glorious, I-want-more-ious sex doesn’t have to involve penetration. And when it comes to oral pleasure, the magic number isn’t 3 – it’s 69.

This legendary topsy-turvy type of titillation, in which both lucky lovers get a mouthful of man, can be a tad tricksy – especially if you’re not the same height – but it’s worth persevering with because mirror, mirror, on the wall, which position is the fairest of them all? Why, 69 every time, my dear: it’s the very definition of “mutually beneficial”.

Laying side by side can be more cosy than one gent clambering on top of the other, his crotch hovering over his partner’s face and dunking into his mouth like a Rich Tea Finger into a mug of char – although some find that kind of intensity to be precisely their cup of tea.

If you find giving oral a challenge, try sipping orange juice beforehand; it can help suppress the gag reflex. Resist adding vodka and turning it into a Harvey Wallbanger, though, however apt the name: alcohol dries and tightens the throat, which does not a brilliant blow job make.

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