The 69er….

This legendary topsy-turvy type of titillation, in which both lucky lovers get a mouthful of man, can be a tad tricksy – especially if you’re not the same height – but it’s worth persevering with because mirror, mirror, on the wall, which position is the fairest of them all? Why, 69 every time, my dear: it’s the very definition of “mutually beneficial”.

Laying side by side can be more cosy than one gent clambering on top of the other, his crotch hovering over his partner’s face and dunking into his mouth like a Rich Tea Finger into a mug of char – although some find that kind of intensity to be precisely their cup of tea.

If you find giving oral a challenge, try sipping orange juice beforehand; it can help suppress the gag reflex. Resist adding vodka and turning it into a Harvey Wallbanger, though, however apt the name: alcohol dries and tightens the throat, which does not a brilliant blow job make.

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