THEGAYUK

Category: Work Life

  • DILEMMA | My co-workers aren’t respecting my identity, they keep misgendering me

    DILEMMA | My co-workers aren’t respecting my identity, they keep misgendering me

    A reader is finding that their co-workers are misgendering them. The only problem is the reader hasn’t yet spoken up about it yet.

    (C) RAWPIXEL.COM / BIGSTOCK

    I’m really upset. I’m finding it difficult to face work at the moment. My co-workers keep misgendering me and it’s really upping my anxiety. I would prefer people to refer to me as they, them or their. The only problem is I haven’t found the courage to tell them that’s what I want. I don’t think they’d understand if I tried to explain it. I really can’t face going to work anymore because of it.

    Jay, Coventry

    Dear Jay,

    It’s understandable that you’re upset about your co-workers misgendering you, and of course, that is bound to cause anxiety levels to rise. On the other hand, unless your co-workers are told that you wish to be referred to as they, them or their, they’re not going to know that they are misgendering or upsetting you. Have you spoken to your manager at work?

    If your manager is aware of the situation and how you are feeling, they may be able to explain to your colleagues on your behalf that you wish to be referred to as they, them or their. Your manager may also be able to assist you with explaining it to your colleagues yourself if you felt strong enough to do that with support. Either way, try speaking to your manager, or even a trusted colleague, to see what help is available.

    A good manager will support you. If you feel unable to speak to anyone at your work, I’d advise contacting your local LGBT+ organisation, if there is one in your area, and finding out what support they’re able to offer. It’s important that you do not continue to suffer in silence if it’s having such a detrimental impact on you.

    Have you got a question for our experts? Use the form below to get in touch.

  • Child carer told not to tell parents that she was gay, in case they thought she was paedophile

    A child carer caller on Katie Hopkins LBC radio show claimed she was told by the school that she works with not to tell parents that she is gay.

    A caller rang into Katie Hopkins‘ morning talk show on LBC to say that she was advised not to tell parents that she was a lesbian. Sally, who says that she was “head of care” at a residential school in the UK, was told not to disclose her sexuality by the head of the school – in case people thought she was a paedophile.

    Speaking to Katie, Sally said,

    “I was once asked by the head not to let any of the parents know that I was a lesbian, because they wanted for parents to believe that they were safe. There are a lot of people out there who still believe that being homosexual is akinned to being a pedophile.

    “I think that view prevails throughout society”.

    Sally called in after Katie asked her listeners whether the “traditional family unit” was best, after the Church of England’s Synod rejected a call for continued opposition to same-sex marriage.

  • 14 totally jerky things to do at work

    14 totally jerky things to do at work

    Those things we do that are totally assholely

     

    1) Passive aggressive emailing when you don’t get the answer you want.

    2) Not putting an “xx” after your name when someone else has in their email.

    3) Using up the last of the milk/teabags/chocolate digestives and not replacing them.

    4) Leaving your washing up in the sink for someone else to clean it up.

    5) CCing a non-responder’s boss on email – why don’t you just call them!

    6) Not going for drinks/birthdays/parties

    7) Getting “offended” at every little thing. Life’s short smile once in a while

    8) Have the messiest desk ever.

    Messy office desk
    CREDIT: TheGayUK

    9) Eating your smelly food at your desk.

    10. Constant, constant, constant interruptions.

    11. When you’re on a “go slow”

    12. Take personal calls that EVERYONE can hear.

    13. Coming into work when you’ve got a stinking cold or flu.

     

    14. Go hard on the aftershave.

  • Have you found love at work?

    Apparently a third of all Brits have had a relationship with a work colleague at some point in their working life. Are you one of them?

    finding gay love at work
    CREDIT: ©-londondeposit-Depositphotos

    Falling in love in the workplace can often bring with it a number of unforeseen problems, such as how the relationship works when one gets promoted and becomes a manager for their new love? If the relationship ends badly, how do you manage to focus on work or do you leave your job? What personal secrets may get spilled over the coffee machine that you didn’t want out there?

    A recent survey by Perkbox found that out of 8.85 million relationships, only 17% go on to marry or have a civil partnership whilst 1 in 7 people had to leave their jobs because of a messy break-up.

    With more of us spending longer hours at work and often socialising with work colleagues as well, it’s no surprise that love is bound to blossom at times. However, it may be worth a thought as to whether you announce your new love or not at work as 38% of bosses said they may have a problem with workers getting together and a quarter of workplaces actively said they had policy in place to discourage romantic relationships at work.

    ALSO READ: What’s the weirdest job you’ve ever been given at work?

    One thing that most agreed on is that any love life shouldn’t interfere with your work, which can often be difficult when that new love is sat opposite you giving you that cute little smile all day lo… sorry distracted there, what was I writing?

  • This is the amazing reason this NHS nurse wears a rainbow lanyard

    This is the amazing reason this NHS nurse wears a rainbow lanyard

    Meet the NHS nurse who wears his rainbow lanyard with pride so that LGBT patients have a visual sign on who they can confide in on LGBT issues.

    Rainbow Lanyards NHS
    CREDIT: CNWL Communications

    “Why I wear the rainbow lanyard”

    The following is an excerpt of an article that will appear in full in the next issue of the Trust Body and Mind magazine.

    When he was younger, David Van De Velde had no one to turn to on matters LGBT- Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender. That’s why the clinical team leader, and qualified mental health nurse wears the rainbow lanyard with pride.

    “For me, the reason I wear it now is to try and help others in the same situation, because I didn’t have anyone to help me with that.  It’s about trying to change things from the ground,” he says.

    The colourful lanyards attached to staff ID badges were introduced across the Trust in February 2012, as a voluntary way for staff of any sexual orientation to indicate that they’re a ‘safe listening ear for LGBT service users.’

    And David, who was recently elected co-chair of the Trust’s LGBT network knows first-hand that the lanyards work.

    “Because I’m wearing the lanyard they feel comfortable enough to confide in me and ask me things, for information or talk to me about things they wouldn’t be able to talk to anyone else about for fear of judgement,” says David.

    LGBT patients who approach David tend to have common concerns and questions, including where to find support for abuse, identity crises, loneliness and suicide, and how to connect with other LGBT people.

    LGBT patient experience

    The lanyard initiative was rolled out after a 2012 survey found that a majority of patients at The Gordon and St Charles Hospitals didn’t feel supported or able to disclose their LGBT status to hospital staff.

    The Trust wanted to change this. The LGBT Allies got to work. It introduced the rainbow lanyards across the Trust, and a number of measures aimed at tackling the issues, including a communications campaign and training sessions for staff, led by LGBT advocates.

    Alison Devlin, Equalities and Diversity Manager requested another survey in 2015/2016 to see if anything had changed for patients. The results were far better, with an increase in patients saying there was no issue around their LGBT status. Patients said the rainbow lanyards were positive and reported feeling safe around staff wearing them.

    LGBT and an ethnic minority

    At the moment, David’s on a rotational programme where he gets placed in four different specialisms across the Trust every six months, so he gets around a lot. Despite the good that he’s doing, he admits that he’s been subject to abuse when wearing the lanyard because he’s not just a member of the LGBT community but also an ethnic minority.

    “People hurl homophobic abuse. People from part of my racial background (in my case I’m mixed-race) saying that I have made the wrong choice and that sort of stuff. You get a lot of abuse from people but I’m not doing it for them. I’m doing it for the four or five people who come to me a week, and that could be the moment it changes their life,” he says.

    “I did get some negative abuse by patients who didn’t understand it. I mean a lot of them would come and apologise later but I think it’s worth it though because if you can save someone from killing themselves because they don’t accept who they really are, and they can confide in you. I did actually have a case like that where somebody came forward, who I don’t think had worked out himself who he really was yet. I think if he had not had that contact… because before he came in he had tried to commit suicide as he wasn’t happy and his family weren’t happy with his direction. I think that by seeing the lanyard he was able to come and speak to me about things and I was able to give him more information.”

    David is now the face of a new Trust campaign to promote the rainbow lanyard.

    Read the full article in the next issue of our Body and Mind magazine, out soon.

  • What’s the weirdest job you’ve ever been given at work?

    The top 50 weirdest tasks that workers have been given to do at their jobs and it gets weird.

    Peeling the pith from satsuma segments, stacking coat hangers and unknotting Christmas lights are amongst the most bizarre jobs Brits have been asked to do at work, according to new research.

    A study of 2,000 workers across the country has revealed a top 50 list of the most unusual – and sometimes inappropriate – tasks assigned to employees.

    This includes polishing cutlery with vinegar, shredding paper manually, removing hair from hairbrushes and dressing in a sandwich board in public.

    Researchers found requests from the boss sometimes go from the sublime to the ridiculous – one unlucky respondent revealed they were asked to follow another member of staff who left work, as the boss suspected that rather than being ill, he was off to the pub.

    Another, during their military career, was tasked with ironing ordnance survey maps simply so they would lie flat on the wall.

    And a third was asked to work overtime to allow another colleague to nip home and make love – as his partner was at the fertile point in her month.

    Jeremy Hulme, Chief Executive of working animal charity SPANA, which conducted the study, said,

    “It’s surprising to see just how many British workers are routinely expected to carry out tasks that are a long way from their job description and that they didn’t sign up for. Many bosses seem comfortable asking their staff to perform duties that are bizarre and beyond the call of duty.

    “However, although having to fulfil menial or unusual tasks can be a frustrating part of working life in the UK, these problems seem very minor compared to the tough working conditions endured every day by working animals in developing countries. These animals work long hours, often carrying back-breaking loads, with no holidays, retirement or sick days.”

    A number of people surveyed have been asked to clean the toilets or sweep the floors at work, which were widely seen as unreasonable and unexpected requests in non-cleaning roles.

    The study revealed one unfortunate respondent was asked to clean her boss’ house as his wife had left him, and his sister was coming to visit.

    Another was asked to babysit a colleague’s children while continuing with their normal workload, while one ‘kind’ boss asked two staff members to dress up as the Easter bunny and deliver Easter eggs to all the other workers.

    Dressing up as a cyber dog for the local library and dressing up as a tomato to hand out leaflets were low points for other respondents.

    But some of the weird tasks British workers are asked to carry out are surprisingly common – as the top 50 list reveals.

    Feeding animals, separating security pins from tags and typing phone contacts into spreadsheets feature highly on the list of unusual jobs.

    Playing computer games, cuddling someone and planning weddings are some of the nicer tasks to feature in the list.

    While removing poo from swimming pools, cleaning up road kill and cleaning toilets are among the more unsavoury jobs.

    One in 10 people say they currently work in a job where they are asked to carry out bizarre tasks – which include parading around in underwear, watching people sleep and creating sugar cube castles.

    But 13 per cent of employees have been so disgruntled about the work they were being asked to do, as the tasks were too far removed from their job description, they’ve left the job.

    Jeremy Hulme continues,

    “The good news is that the majority of people do have a choice, and if a job becomes too inappropriate, difficult or stressful, they can often leave or do something about it.

    “That’s the difference between working people in Britain and working animals abroad, which have no choice. We need to support these working horses, donkeys, camels and other animals to improve their conditions and ensure they have the vet care they need when they are sick or injured.”

    TOP 50 UNEXPECTED TASKS

    Sweep the floors
    Cleaning toilets
    Clearing up rubbish
    Feeding animals
    Unknotting Christmas lights
    Cuddle someone
    Type phone contacts into a spreadsheet
    Removing hair from hairbrushes
    Stack books
    Play computer games
    Pack and stack boxes
    Erecting fences
    Wash people’s hair
    Plan a wedding
    Soak and peel the labels off bottles
    Cut pre-made sandwiches into triangles
    Peel the pith from satsuma segments
    Shredding paper manually due to a broken-down shredder
    Polish cutlery with vinegar
    Hand grating massive bowls of cheese
    Attaching security tags / labels to products
    Teach English to foreign colleagues
    Remove stitches
    Taste testing
    Separating security pins from tags
    Dressing up as a cartoon character
    Stacking coat hangers
    Dust books with a paintbrush
    Dress in a sandwich board in public
    Wear fake tan and wax chest
    Wear revealing or indecent clothes to model in
    Packing fish
    Do all the boss’s Christmas shopping
    Cleaning the top of changing room mirrors
    Stuff crackers
    Colour separate skittles / sweets
    Being a Sports mascot
    Remove poo from swimming pools
    Cleaning up road kill
    Post false good comments about the company online
    Fire someone, even though it wasn’t your place to do so
    Fill donuts with jam
    Chopping the heads off kippers
    Write Christmas card jokes
    Eat dog food
    Delete all emails and files from the boss’s computer
    Pose as a member of the opposite sex for the day
    Spy on senior management
    Buy underwear for the boss’s wife
    Stand in a line pretending to queue for the sales

  • 17 signs that you are totally over your job

    17 signs that you are totally over your job

    Hate work… You’ll probably recognise these signs then…

     

    You arrive exactly at shift start and leave exactly at shift end.

    Time was when you arrived 15 minutes early and left way after the end of your shift. Now you’re like “nah”.

     

    Emails and calls are not read after 5:00 PM.

    That shiz can be left for another day. I don’t care if a report needs to be handed in at 9 AM tomorrow morning. It’ll have to wait until 9:15 AM when I’m in, at my desk and drinking my first cup of coffee.

    You don’t bother to put on your OOO…

    I’m outta here. Not spending another minute working out technical stuff.

    You do put on your OOO but direct people to someone who is also OOO.

    Annoying right? This is my life.

    You give co-workers evils. Even when they are looking at you.

    I hate you. Even your breathing offends me.

    Work socials are out of the question.

    Why oh why would I spend another minute with you people.

    Time goes by so slowly… especially when your boss asks you to do something…

    Tick tock.

    You know how to just get by without being fired.

    Imma gonna do just the least I can do…

    You spend most of the day on Expedia planning the dream holiday.

    One way trips are looking mighty enticing

    Your mutual hatred of your boss keeps you in close company with other rebels at your work.

    You’re living on hate and the tank is full.

    You’ve stopped being polite at meetings.

    I mean what’s the point. You’re all going to ignore each other anyway.

    Cutting corners is the cornerstone of your work ethic.

    It saves time and heartache and who really cares anyway?

    Your job has basically become searching for other jobs.

    CVs written and rewritten and being sent as I type…

    Redundancy has become your main career goal.

    Please, please please.

    You watch Apprentice and dream oh you dream…

    Basically, I could do better and Lord Sugar looks like an easy boss compared to mine.

    Dressing for success is a made up 90’s fallacy that you no longer adhere to.

    Really Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex And The City can both go screw themselves with their impossible goals.

    Office politics and drama is all you live for now.

    and fight…

     

     

  • How can I find the balance between free time and work?

    Homework, cramming, learning, remembering, training your brain. All these are very important whether you are a student trying to pass your exams, trying to create a presentation or an actor learning a role.

    CREDIT: © peus Depositphotos

    But free time, downtime is equally important, because the brain needs time to rest, recharge and store all the information given.

    Unfortunately the brain – and the person carrying that brain- enjoy and crave that free time a lot more than all the learning stuff and the time to learn becomes smaller and smaller, until you find yourself a days before your exam, performance, presentation with a nice clear brain, but nothing learned. What do you do? You study non-stop and pull all-nighters and turn up at your big moment like a zombie, often failing because you’re too tired to focus and your brain has overloaded. Or sometimes you just give up.

    Or sometimes you just give up.

    This is something that can easily be avoided with a little planning. If you play your cards right you can both study and enjoy downtime. So, how do we do it?

    Study planning
    Studying and downtime can coexist
    Rest is essential.
    You need free time
    The best thing to do is think about what you want to accomplish in a day, see if it is feasible and then make a list.

    This list could read:
    6.00 Get up, do some last minute checks, breakfast, wash, go to college/work/rehearsals
    15.00 Go home, eat something start study immediately.
    18.00 Take a break, do what you want.
    21.00 Check in if you haven’t forgotten anything.
    22.00 Watch some TV, read or whatever.
    23.00 Go to bed to get at least a 7-hour rest.

    At the weekends? Use Saturdays for all the studying, and keep the Sundays for yourself for one day all free, all for you.

    It really is that easy!!

    This really is the most effective schedule to keep. There is you time and study time all together in the right place.

    But sadly we often don’t keep to these schedules. Life gets in the way, or you lose track of time.
    These days that last part can be fixed easily, we all have mobiles, and an organiser app can be downloaded easily and be tailored and programmed to fit your needs.

    So yes, make a schedule and learn to keep to it as much as humanly possible. Maybe through Mindfulness, there are great free courses online. Maybe through sheer will power. There is always a way to a better, more organised life.

    If all else fails and you really feel you need more help there is another option open to you: a life coach! A life coach is someone who’ll guide you on your journey and keeps you on track. If you think you need the help of someone trained in reorganising peoples lives for the better, you can find out all there is to know on life coaches and what they can do for you here: http://www.lifecoachspotter.com/how-to-find-life-coach-guide/

    Whatever you do, just remember: The answer is out there for you, and if you really want it, you can do it!!

  • Gay Guys: 17 things you need to know for FRESHERS WEEK

    So it’s Freshers Week and we asked our readers what they wished they had known before embarking on the emotional roller coaster FRESHERS WEEK can be.

    Gay students
    CREDIT: ©-pressmaster / Depositphotos.com

    1) Come out and get it over with right at the beginning – when I came out I expected thunder and lightening but no one acted surprised and were really supportive. – Grammie

     

    2) Take a large bag so you can put all those freebees in. – Graham

     

    3) Mature aged lesbians will change your life. Their wisdom knows no bounds – Andy

     

    4) Get a Sugar Daddy I presume you already have an adoring older dude for a BF who will love you through this thing called undergrad?

     

     

    5) The very first day I met the guy who would become my very first boyfriend. Literally within the first hour – I met the guy who would be my first kiss, take my virginity, show me what love felt like and eventually break my heart. It lasted 2 and half years – in a total whirlwind relationship that was all consuming. I was a complete clamp on. Although I don’t regret it, I wish perhaps that I had been a little more open with myself and with other around us – and perhaps let our relationship be a little more open. – Jake

    6) Well, I think I knew how to be more gentle and aware of anyone around me. It was not too serious to be conscious all the time but some of them would have had noticed me if I had behaved different from them. – Neo Vi

     

     

    7) Leave your door open when you’re unpacking. It’s a great way to check out the talent as they start bringing in their stuff. – Paul

     

    8) Don’t fall for the straight cute guy. It will never work out.

     

     

    9) Bring cakes… Cakes make friends – John

     

     

    10)  Let the others know what you’re into – I put loads of musical theatre posters on my wall – it became quite the talking point. – Chris

     

     

    11) Get to know the popular girl in the dorm. She’ll be a hoot and she’ll stick up for you if you run into problems. – Sarah

     

     

    12) Don’t forget about the gay scene. Don’t always go straight… Get your friends to go to the nearest gay bar! – Mike

     

     

    13) Try not to have sex with the guys in your halls. It could get very awkward, very quickly. – Ben

     

     

    14) Don’t forget the lube and condoms…

     

     

    15) Join the LGBT+ society and get involved with student politics.

     

     

    16) Look out for LGBT subjects. If you can do a module on Queer history or studies, it’s really worth it.

     

     

    17) You will get FRESHERS’ COUGH. Stock up with medicines… – Pat

  • There is no shame in admitting you suffer from work anxiety

    Every job has its own level of stress attached to it. Even if you truly love your job, or think your job is too easy to be stressful, don’t be fooled! There is always a small level of pressure on an unconscious level. Being part of the LGBT usually brings it’s own level of stress: maybe you feel the need to be closeted or at-least hide parts of who you are. But even without the added pressure of being part of the LGBT family the little things can sometimes be a strain.

    people at work
    CREDIT: ©-monkeybusiness-Depositphotos

    Little things like:

    • Having to get up at the same time each day to go to the same place.
    • There could be someone you do not really get on with but have to put up with on a daily basis.
    • The food may be off.
    • An unexpected request for overtime.
    • And so it goes on.

    Those are minor annoyances that can disrupt us and may put pressure on us. That feeling of dread and pressure that just seems to follow us and keeps creeping into our bodies. You start to feel that you are not accomplishing anything, as the day drags on or goes too fast. You begin to feel disconnected and grumpy. Nagging thoughts creep up on you. You start to think that there is no way you can get anything done now, and do it all on automatic pilot.

    That is a real bad day.

    Now think; how often do you feel this way?

    There are many people who have these feelings every day and this group just keeps growing.

    When anxiety is stress related it is hard to “get rid of it” as some might say. Work means having to be there day after day. So many people facing work stress feel as if they are descending into the gates of hell the moment they get up to get ready for another day at work. Then, at the end of the day, when the doors of their job close behind them there is no joy. There is only the continuous monotonous voice that tells them that “tomorrow will be exactly the same and so will the day after that, and the day after that, and …”

    These days the work floor is more competitive than ever. You have to work hard to stand out and be noticed. Overwork, trying to prove yourself, aiming for promotion and the fear of losing your job have made that many workers suffer extreme anxiety.
    You might recognise the symptoms in you or in someone you know:

    Mood Swings
    Short temper
    Highly Emotional
    Hyperventilation
    Heart Palpitations
    Thoughts of death
    Feeling of dread
    Panic Attacks
    Feeling out of control

    This is not how work should make you feel. If you recognise this in yourself or see it in others, try to get them, or yourself, help.

    The biggest problem is the fear of talking about it. You may be afraid that people will think the responsibility of your job is too much for you when admitting to feeling anxious. You may fear it might cost you your job. This is not likely, and in any event: if your symptoms get worse this could lead to making errors or a complete crash and burn and that is far more serious than just trying to get help.

    The best thing to do is find an independent counsellor and ask him or her for advise. You might wonder; What can a counsellor do for me? They can’t do my job for me, can they? Sadly no, they are unable to do that. But there is a lot that they can do to improve the quality of your life: Research has shown that when it comes to treating anxiety disorders counselling and therapy are usually the most effective options. This is because the focus is placed not just on the symptoms, but on all the underlying problems. Your anxiety and stress did not just appear out of no-where, there was a build up to it that needs to be found. Counselling can also help you manage panic attacks, build your self esteem and endurance and help you return to a more normal way of life.

    What if my problems are LGBT related? (Like being closeted, or semi hiding, as we mentioned earlier.) It is weird that in this day and age many counsellors are still not fully equipped to deal with LGBT related problems, but we are getting there. If you do an online search there are several counsellors that are either specialised in LGBT problems or sympathetic. Hopefully the number will grow and become a standard and not a bonus in the future.

    If you are aware of anxiety building in your life or that of a loved one, don’t think “well, I’m not making any mistakes yet.” Or “Other people can handle this, why can’t I?” Many people have gone before you that thought the same. They just wanted to “finish this project”, felt that one more all-nighter wouldn’t matter, they could “do it” all, no problem. They were wrong and it often led to serious consequences that they regret to this day.

    So why hold out on finding help until you have reached that wall, that point of no return? Why wait until you do have that accident or make that completely preventable screw up?

    Understand that there is no harm in seeking help, no shame. We seek help and treatment for all other parts of our body when they are in pain. Your brain is a part of your body and could be suffering its own form of pain right now. If you cut yourself you put a band aid on it before the wound becomes infected. If you pull a muscle when jogging you stop running for the day. Your brain is like a muscle that has been working too hard. Give it the band aid or break it needs. Counselling is always there for you to help you do this.

  • Gay Men: tell us the things you wish you had known when you started university

    So it’s nearly freshers’ week and thousands and thousands of young gay and bisexual guys will be taking their first lectures, getting their first student loans and perhaps getting their first boyfriends!

    CREDIT: ©-pressmaster / Depositphotos.com
    CREDIT: ©-pressmaster / Depositphotos.com

     

    Perhaps it’ll be the first time they get truly drunk…

     

    Or they’ll find their first boyfriends…

    Maybe they’ll feel accepted for the first time…

    What did you find out that first fateful week at university?