THEGAYUK

Tag: Fat Shaming

All the latest breaking news on fat shaming. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on fat shaming.

  • The Difficult Second Column

    The Difficult Second Column

    I know, when popstars come to writing their second album it’s often referred to as the “difficult second album”. Who would’ve thought I’d have that problem when it came to be writing this little column for you all?

    I suppose, I would like to start by saying – Thank you! I have received a lot of love on social media about it, and I think it’s done the job I wanted it to do by making people ask questions as to whether they are doing enough to help support their local communities. It’s important now, more than ever, that we continue to invest in our safe spaces and show them some appreciation. This lockdown and epidemic has been tough on everybody and we’re all bound to be anxious over what this new normal is going to be, and how we will have to adapt to a socially distant society. We all need to show a bit of love, support and understanding, and show we care.

    The best thing to come out of having this column, is having a voice within the community – which, is a little strange to me, because for a long time when I moved to London, I didn’t feel like I really belonged to the community.

    I really struggled to find my place.

    silhouette, girl, dance
    Photo by geralt on Pixabay

    Deep down, I knew I was gay when I was in my early teenage years, but I didn’t have a role model or any form of support to help support me. I’d never been to a gay bar before I moved to London. To this day, I can remember my first proper night out on the Gay Scene in London. I’d been in London for a couple of weeks at that point, and I was so eager to experience all the very thing I had spent my summer researching. It wasn’t even a conventional night out with my university course mates. I met a bloke on Grindr one Saturday afternoon and he’d invited me to meet him for a few drinks in Soho and he offered to show me around. He was a nice enough guy, I didn’t fancy him, and there was nothing sexual about it. He was just a few years older than me, and it was really nice to meet someone who was happy to show me around and introduce me to the scene.

    It was painfully obvious to me that night that I would have a problem really fitting in with the “scene”. I knew I was different to everybody else. I knew that my size was going to hold me back. Being a fat guy, it almost labels us automatically as being unattractive and unworthy of attention. I remember being on the dance floor in Heaven that Saturday night, both having an incredible night in a space that felt safe, and yet feeling completely alone.

    There were so many six-packs and chiselled bodies and then there’s me, in an oversized top from Primark and comfortable jeans, trying to hide just enough of my body that I felt comfortable. So, even from the start of my journey of self-discovery it really felt like I was fighting an uphill battle with myself. I look back now and wish at the time I made that conscious decision to make that change when I was younger. Instead, I continued to eat my feelings and I made no attempt to lose weight.

    It wasn’t until my mid-twenties when I started to feel that I was letting myself down and I had to make that change, because I felt I was missing out on important life milestones because I couldn’t find happiness in a relationship.

    It’s clear to me now, that the problems I had stemmed back to my childhood. I was born in 1992, into a middle-class working family, in a very conservative, stuck in the past community. I was at school towards the end of when Section 28 was still in effect and I was heavily bullied as a kid – teachers couldn’t really stop that. Sure, they could reprimand someone for calling me fat, or specky four eyes. But if someone called me a faggot or a queer, which happened quite often, they couldn’t do anything. That really hurt me, and it still does today. They knew that it was wrong, but there weren’t in a position to really combat it.

    The repercussions of Section 28 put young queer kids at risk for not having a sex education that was relevant to them. They didn’t have any understanding or advice as to what a healthy relationship was the for them.

    Some developed worrying behaviour that could put them in danger, such as excessive alcohol and substance abuse as well as sex with much older men, which could sometimes result in a sexually transmitted disease or a positive HIV test result. Teachers now have a duty of care over young people to educate them, and some people still feel a bit angry to this day that they weren’t supported and let down during a crucial and pivotal part in their development and education.

    I guess, I kind of fall into this remit. I was never taught about same-sex relationships in school. It was brushed under the carpet. We were never exposed to that as kids so – we really didn’t understand what these relationships looked like. Our only real understanding of it was from the limited access to queer representation on television.

    We were reduced to watching programmes such as Queer as Folk, which were truly ground-breaking at the time to show such explicit material, under the cover of darkness with the volumes on the lowest possible settings on the TV sets. Representation has improved over recent years, with more and more openly gay people visible on television, and more openly gay character in the mainstream media, paving the way for education for younger generations. It’s put pressures on TV Shows and the Media to show them in a positive and healthy way, to help fight the comeback following section 28.

    We have come a long way since then, but we’ve got a long way to go. LGBT+ characters in mainstream television are often thought as an afterthought by creators, with producers and directors ticking through diversity checklists to make sure there is representation. We exist and we are a part of normal society – represent us as who we are. We’re not all butch lesbians and raging bitchy queens.

    June is Pride Month, and for the first time since the Stonewall riots we are unable to march and celebrate Pride in the way we’ve done in the past. Even in 2020, we see people questioning Pride Month. Sadly, I’ve seen a number of comments on social media from people asking we don’t have a Straight Pride. To me it’s a ludicrous argument.

    When have white heterosexual people ever been discriminated against? When was it illegal to kiss their partner in public? When were they forced from their homes into refugee camps for being straight? When were they killed for being straight? Well, we all know how that turned out when they tried that in America. They don’t have Straight Pride – but they do, however, have International Clown Week – maybe they can attend that?

    The British based charity, Stonewall, posted some statistics online in early 2020 stating which I found to be staggering and pretty upsetting. Stonewall posted statistics stating that; 26% of lesbian, gay or bisexual people alter their behaviour to hide their sexual orientation in order to avoid becoming the victim of a hate crime. 48% of trans people under the age of 26 said that they had attempted suicide, and 30% of those had done so. A staggering 59% said that they had considered doing so, and finally – a quarter of the world’s population believes that being LGBT should be a crime – and although we’ve come a long way in sixty years – shows that there is a long way still to go in our fight.

    For me, the future starts with education.

    Wokandapix / Pixabay

    Relationships are something that should be taught in schools, and children have a right to understand that same-sex relationships are a perfectly normal thing. It should be taught that it’s normal to have two mummies or two daddies. Having an LGBT-inclusive education ensures that those with LGBT families see themselves reflected in what they learn. It also will encourage all young people to grow with inclusive and accepting attitudes. It will also teach them about what a safe and healthy relationships look like and how to have them. Better reflecting the world in which we live in, and subsequently covering important issues like consent and online safety.

    Having this understanding from a younger age, can only help to stamp out homophobia. It’s not going to be a cure, but I hope it goes a long way.

    There has been no evidence, that I have been able to find, to suggest that predators have used the provisions of the Equality Act 2010

    To further our movement, we have to continue to call out bigotry, homophobia and hypocrisy when we see it. A Tory MP posted a message on social media to celebrate Pride Month – immediately, its hypocrisy was called out. If there is one thing in this world, I cannot stand is a double standard. You cannot show messages of support for our community, when your government is actively looking to roll back Trans rights by scrapping a review of the Gender Recognition Act. It just doesn’t work that way! Trans people have been using toilets, or trying on clothes in changing rooms, accessing domestic violence support, and getting on with their lives as for as long as single-sex spaces have existed.

    There has been no evidence, that I have been able to find, to suggest that predators have used the provisions of the Equality Act 2010 to gain access to women’s spaces. If there was, then it would be shouted from the rooftops by anti-transgender lobbies.

    Trans men are men, Trans women are women. The same government promised to ban Gay Conversion therapy two years ago – and yet we’re still waiting.

    So, whilst I’ve got this voice, I am going to use it as a platform to help forward our movement in any way that I can. We’re also going to keep it light and entertaining. You’ll get to hear some of my crazy overseas stories, find out what makes me tick and what rubs me up the wrong way.

    I want to give you an honest reflection of my life – share some of my experiences and tell you more about my disastrous attempts at finding love. I hope you enjoy the journey!

  • COMMENT | Why does Instagram keep deleting naked (not really naked) men?

    COMMENT | Why does Instagram keep deleting naked (not really naked) men?

    Once again Instagram deletes another account which depicts the nude male body.

    Yesterday it was reported that the world’s biggest picture sharing site, Instagram, had banned Meat‘s latest account – which at the last count had garnered 5000 fans, the previous one, (yes they’ve had two banned) had 15,000 fans. What was their crime? Allegedly falling foul to that cardinal sin… displaying naked men. Okay, you say, it’s right there in the community guidelines, “no nudity” however these pictures had a whopping great modesty circle in front of anything that might be even slightly racy.

    Kim Kardashian, however, can post naked pictures to her heart’s content – gaining millions of likes – these pictures can’t be going unnoticed at IG headquarters.

    This isn’t the first time that the Facebook-owned company has deleted pictures of the male form. In the past, it has deleted the Warwick Rowers and in August it deleted Greeks Come True. There was not one penis on show. These are beautifully crafted pictures of men, who yes, are naked, but where you cannot see anything that would give you tingles downstairs. Pornographic? No. Homoerotics, hell yes, but there’s a huge difference between porn and eroticism.

    Meat is different though. It’s a breath of fresh air – the guys portrayed are unphotoshopped, average bodies. It shows that even when you don’t have a six-pack you can still appear on the front of a magazine or calendar.

    Recently THEGAYUK.com polled over 300 of its Twitter readers about whether they were comfortable being naked in the presence of other people. Over half of us answered in the negative. Over a half of us are awkward about our natural state why is that?

    And I’m not hating on you six-packers. Hey, the true is I’m jealous. Aren’t we all a bit envious of those who can obtain and maintain a single digit body fat percentage? But I will just never be that guy.

    “The thought that I was fat kept me in a perpetual state of eat, feel guilty, purge and workout”

    I have always struggled with my own perception of my weight. The thought that I was fat kept me in a perpetual state of eat, feel guilty, purge and workout. At one point, in my attempt to have what I thought was a “good body” I would throw up everything I ate and go to the gym twice a day. Needless to say, despite being, what I now see as thin I could only see body rolls. Even now, over a decade on, I still find myself with fingers down my throat with “WTF are you doing” going round and round in my head.

    What was / is the cause of my insecurity and clearly a huge majority of us?

    I’m not going to sit here and solely blame the media because I’m part of it (there’s my disclosure). I’m very aware of the pressures upon us in the media to get clicks, to shift copies, to adhere to the old adage that sex sell, or at the very least the notion of what sexy is – sells. We’ve been accused in the past of posting only certain types of male images – but let me tell you, I see the analytics and despite the protestations from some audience members, pictures of different bodies just don’t fly. Why is that?

    For the record, I’m not audience blaming either.

    Have we all been programmed so hard to only see slim, white, blonde boys as sexy? Perhaps it’s time for all of us to shift the view of what is sexy.

    That’s why I love the idea behind Meat and the Naked Rugby Players and even Channel 4’s controversial dating show, Naked Attraction. They are showing that the typical body is beautiful. Bellies, love handles and hair here and there is normal and wonderful.

    The likes of Meat and Naked Rugby Players (above) are changing the game.

    “We’re bombarded with images that prod at the subconscious saying “you’re not thin enough” and we’ve got to change the narrative.”

    Body positivity is a hot topic right now and it should be. If over half of us aren’t happy with our naked bodies there’s something not right. There is a strong link between our bodies and our mental health. Many of us are on endless diets and we aren’t just yo-yoing on weight. We’re playing games with our mental health each and everytime we step on those scales.

    We’re bombarded with images that prod at the subconscious saying “you’re not thin enough” and we’ve got to change the narrative. We’ve got to expose ourselves to different standards of beauty. We’ve got to relearn that our normal, unretouched, imperfect bodies are actually perfect – and platforms like Instagram have to start playing their part.

  • This guy just destroyed gay toxic masculinity in the best way

    This guy just destroyed gay toxic masculinity in the best way

    What is it with toxic masculinity and shaming effeminate men from within our own community?

    CREDIT: Dean-Drobot-bigstock

    We are so tired of fat and body shaming.

    This RealJock user has set one such tox guy in the most glorious way. When user, Neal, told Nicolas to “be a man and shut up” after raising the issue of how toxic gym spaces could be for LGBT+ users he was told,

    “The only thing toxic to men is the increased feminity among them. I’ve seen your pics, maybe if you looked better you wouldn’t feel so insecure, but that’s your issue”.

    U OK Hun?

    But it was Nicolas’s response that set our hearts racing.

    He responded,

    “Wow! It’s statements like this that are damaging our community from within rather than building it up. But all you’ve done is prove my point and show how muscled-up gym bros like yourself can make the gym a really hateful place. You seem completely unaccepting of gay guys who you consider weak or effeminate, but how are they suppose to get stronger if they have to wade through your toxic bull$%^t just to get to the squat rack”

    via GIPHY

    Can we get an amen?

  • Grindr user destroys body shamer in the most glorious way

    Here’s a lesson on how to deal with haters.

    CREDIT: ©-livrakv-Depositphotos

    Body shaming can be so harmful, especially when a message with someone criticising your looks or your size lands in you inbox. This one Grindr user, however, managed to put one teen in his place in the most loving, yet sassy way possible after receiving a message which told him that if he “worked out” he’d be really attractive.

    Here’s a lesson on how to deal with haters.

    “I really don’t care”, starts the message, “what a closeted teenager thinks of my looks

    “But I hope you realise that lots of your fellow queer folks struggle with body image issues and eating disorders of all types and it’s messages like this that compound those issues.

    “With this attitude, you’re going to actively harm people in our beautiful community.

    “Think about that next time you send something like this.

    “Also, I can probably deadlift four of you”.

    We salute you oh sage one.

     

  • COMMENT | Are gay guys the worst fat shamers?

    Fat Shaming and Fursecution

    CREDIT: ©-livrakv-Depositphotos

    If there’s one thing that really gets my knickers in a twist, it’s people not being able to accept each other for who they are.

    Gay people still face so much prejudice and discrimination in the world, but there’s an issue that I view as being even more damaging; gays hating on other gays for not fitting an ‘acceptable’ aesthetic.

    Over the years I have noticed a lot of fat shaming and fursecution within the gay community, as I’m sure many of you have. I have even been a victim of it on more than one occasion. Whether you’re online and see profiles stating that potential guys must be slim and hairless or seeing fat shaming on the scene, I believe it to be an endemic problem.

    Personally, I’m a relatively big guy and particularly hirsute. There was a time I hated the way I looked and wished I could be slim and smooth. Then I came to realise that I wanted to be like that to please others rather than to please myself. When it comes down to it, if I really hated the way I look I’d do something about it. I like my covering of fur and having a bit of meat on my bones. My partner likes it too, so that’s all that matters.

    In the past, I have come up against abuse and discrimination from other gay men, mainly on the scene and on apps such as Grindr. One guy told me that I looked disgusting and that the only way I was going to lose weight was if I became bulimic. Another guy on Grindr told me I was a “fat f**king twat” who had no chance. It bothered me at first, but actually, it says more about them than it does about me.

    In magazines, we are fed images of so-called hot guys and they are nearly always slim, smooth men, with toned bodies. Although I sometimes like seeing those images, I believe that the constant feed of these nearly naked men is damaging to people’s self-esteem and potentially feeds the fat shamers and fursecutors.

    It’s not just in the gay world that this problem exists. If I venture into my local town on a Saturday night there will be lots of people mocking others for being overweight or wearing an outfit that’s perhaps a bit tight and unflattering. It’s the same in the summertime when someone chubby takes their top off or wears skimpy clothing. Personally, I think it’s great if people feel confident enough to remove their top or wear an outfit they like, regardless of how it fits. If the way someone looks offends you, look the other way. Or perhaps address the reason why you are offended.

    Scrolling through my Facebook news feed also shows up incidences of fat shaming and fursecution. Whether it’s a larger lady with little clothing on or a man covered in body hair, it is further perpetuating the thought that being overweight or hairy is unsexy and acceptable to be the subject of ridicule.

    I don’t believe that bullying or the shaming of anyone is ever ok, and it concerns me that so many people focus on what others look like instead of concentrating on the bigger issues there are facing us as a community.

    As for what the solution for eradicating this form of bullying is, I don’t have the answer. Perhaps there needs to be body image classes at school or maybe people just need to take a long, hard look at themselves to realise that fat shaming and fursecution need to stop. Either way, we should be supporting and celebrating each other, not continuing with this internal prejudice and discrimination.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Rise Of The Dad Bod and Proud Of It

    Well, I never… Sometimes one can be totally of the moment without doing a darn thing. It turns out I have a Dad Bod.

    The Dad Bod had been much blogged about of late; it is, and I quote, a physique that says‘’ “I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.”

    Okay, someone has clearly been reading my diary.

    The problem is that we live in a time where everything has to be overanalysed and commented on, that being Average has to have a big fat (well, if not fat exactly, then definitely lacking in killer abs) label shoved on it and described as a trend.

    Believe me, thousands of us go to the gym, begrudgingly spend 30 minutes on a treadmill and then spend Saturday night getting our moneys worth at the Chinese buffet long before it became a thing for Buzzfeed to get itself overheated about.

    Much has been written in the last few weeks about slightly gone to seed middle aged blokes. Basically we are so hit right now. That is not to say that there is not a more serious point here about what healthy looks like. Frankly though it’s rather nice to see a relatable physique put up on a pedestal for once because as much as I enjoy the stream of the shirtless and godlike on my Instagram feed, it can make one feel a little bit inadequate. And fat…

    Of course, the gays are not above shoving people into categories. “Bears” – our version of the Dad Bod, in theory at least. For the unitiated, and if you are then why the heck are you reading this website, according to Wikipedia this is a “often a larger, hairier man who projects an image of rugged masculinity.” Having been to bear club and seen the crowd reaction when the DJ drops a Kylie record, I could dispute the rugged masculinity part but that’s another story.

    The problem is that within the language of the bear community the sheer number of different boxes according to type is exhausting. To name a few ‘’panda’’, ‘’otter’’, ‘’grizzly’’, ‘’koala’’, “chub’’, “wolf’’.

    Yep, us gayers definitely like our labels. And not just on a designer jockstrap.

    Articles like the stuff about Dad Bods is yet another example of good old click bait, creating a story out of nothing to get it shared and debated on social media. Very 2015.

    But as a middle aged bloke with a bit of body hair, a love for red wine and a workout schedule that is at the moment best called “light’, I’ve often wasted time wondering where I belong on the gay scale. Not beefy or furry enough to be a bear and I vaguely remember that actual otters have webbed paws so I’m not entirely comfortable comparing myself to them.

    So Dad Bod… Yes, it’s a silly term but the good news is I read the blurb and think “Yup, that’s me’’.

    Now if you excuse me, I must work on my physique. There’s a bottle of merlot and a large Four Cheese pizza calling me and I just answer to keep on trend.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Katie Hopkins, Gay Icon Wannabe, Blasted For Fat Jokes About Gemma Collins

    Katie Hopkins is well known for her snarky remarks and quips, however the gay icon wannabe has gotten herself into hot water after blasting I’m A Celebrity’s Gemma Collins for being fat.

    Katie Hopkins has made no secret about wanting to be a gay icon along the likes of Madonna, Kylie or Bette Midler, however after a tirade of abuse aimed at Gemma Collins in I’m A Celebrity, her cause might be sullied somewhat.

    Taking to Twitter numerous times, Katie has tried to stake her claim as a gay icon, however that stake is looking more and more unlikely after hundreds of Gemma Collins fans have shown their outrage of the ex Apprentice’s fat jibes and trolling comments. One of Katie’s tweets earlier in the year outlines her potential credentials of being a gay icon saying, ‘…ambition is to be a gay icon, Hence I wear tan tights with silver shoes (not working x).’

    Gemma Collins, who made her name in the reality TV series, The Only Way Is Essex, has publicly battled with her weight for years. She entered the Jungle on Sunday evening, but walked from the show after deciding that ‘ jungle life is not for her’.

    Jake Hook, co- founder of TheGayUK said, ‘The idea that Katie wants to be a “gay icon” whatever that might mean is ridiculous, those people who have found a place in the collective LGBT community’s heart like Madonna, or Bette, have got there because their positivity towards the LGBT community and strong anti-bullying stances, not latching on to old clichés of what gay men would want from their “gay icons,” or the clear bullying that Katie is so prolific in.’

    Speaking to TheGayUK about Gemma’s departure from the Jungle, leading celebrity life coach Sloan Sheridan Williams said, ‘In terms of public perception, it may appear Gemma Collins has not done herself any favours with such a swift departure from the jungle, but as a therapist I cannot say I am surprised as there are obviously deep seated reasons behind her behaviour which I think warrant compassion rather than judgement.

    ‘An educated commentary on her with relevance to why she left, her naivety or any other general form of discussion and constructive advice on how to overcome her issues that goes with the very nature of being in the public eye is acceptable, but these constant attacks on Gemma’s weight are no doubt having a further damaging effect on her and teenagers everywhere and exacerbating a generation that is already obsessed with weight and body image.

    ‘I would have liked to have seen Katie Hopkins to draw on the fact she is a mother and not open the floodgates to more media attention on weight issues and focus on the heart of the matter which is that Gemma let her fears get the better of her. Gemma had a moment of weakness, she wanted comfort over proving herself to be the next Bear Grylls. That’s all.’

  • COMMENT | Gemma Collins Vs. Katie Hopkins

    Leading celebrity lifestyle and wellbeing expert weighs in on Katie Hopkins’ comments about I’m A Celeb’s Gemma Collins.

    In terms of public perception, it may appear Gemma Collins has not done herself any favours with such a swift departure from the jungle, but as a therapist, I cannot say I am surprised as there are obviously deep-seated reasons behind her behaviour which I think warrant compassion rather than judgement. An educated commentary on her with relevance to why she left, her naivety or any other general form of discussion and constructive advice on how to overcome her issues that goes with the very nature of being in the public eye is acceptable, but these constant attacks on Gemma’s weight are no doubt having a further damaging effect on her and teenagers everywhere and exacerbating a generation that is already obsessed with weight and body image. I would have liked to have seen Katie Hopkins to draw on the fact she is a mother and not open the floodgates to more media attention on weight issues and focus on the heart of the matter which is that Gemma let her fears get the better of her. Gemma had a moment of weakness, she wanted comfort over proving herself to be the next Bear Grylls. That’s all.

    Gemma could actually do a lot of positive with that message showing people that sometimes you need help to get over fears such as a clinical hypnotherapist, life coach or CBT counsellor and that perhaps with hindsight she might have chosen this route. This could be a great message to lots of people who look up to Gemma out there. Perhaps she could even attempt to go in next year and show her fan base that you can conquer your fears and that in the face of what seems impossible there is always room for inspiration. Katie Hopkins is well known for her blunt opinions and perhaps that is what is now expected of her, but as a Therapist I would question why she takes it to such a base level of personal attacks, after all, we are all human, and fallible, and nobody is perfect.

    For Katie to have the ambition to be a gay icon, she should first know what that means. I have heard many definitions including such an icon to be well-versed in the arts of glamour and others suggesting they are inspirational role models but the one definition that stands out the most to me is that a gay icon should have, encourage and help achieve strength through adversity.

    Katie Hopkins has chosen put herself in the limelight and present herself as someone who preys on those with obvious faults in order to make a name for herself and that she has successfully done, but the people she chooses to talk about are human, and have feelings. I do not believe body shaming, attacks that are tantamount to bullying or twitter jibes can be seen as anything but an unpleasant form of entertainment to some and to others a lack of empathy to those who have issues – but iconic – not at all. It is a primal instinct to attack those you perceive weaker that yourself, and we have seen such throughout history.

    For Katie to have ambitions to be a gay icon i would recommend that she need a rethink of her belief system of what is an acceptable form of treating other human beings. I think Lincoln said it best when he said “I would rather be a little nobody, than to be an evil somebody” Not to say Katie is evil but her behaviour is lacking in social grace and understanding of the human condition and in my opinion not in alignment to the strong anti bullying stance of my friends, colleagues and clients who exist both in and out of the Gay community.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | what’s wrong with being Mr Average

    Pride season is well and truly underway, and we have many reasons to celebrate this year but why do I feel increasingly isolated from my community?

    As a gay community we were supposed to be inclusive and non-judgemental of other people but these days there really is no truth to that anymore. As a homosexual in his late 30s I’m practically already dead, over the hill etc etc, and as stupid and wrong as that is, it is only the tip of the iceberg of the problems that are currently infecting the gay community all over the world.

    SOCIAL MEDIA
    One of the biggest issues I have today is Gay / Social media and the constant in your face pictures of “muscle men” as being the ONLY form of male that is apparently attractive, it’s so constant and aggressive that I think the younger generation have developed a skewed perception of what makes an attractive man.

    Every single day on my friends’ timelines and news feeds, anytime a picture is posted of an “attractive” man (famous or a cheeky pic of someone on the train) you can absolutely guarantee it’s somebody muscles or a digitally enhanced six pack, yes it’s lovely to look at a nice body, but it’s also incredibly tiresome when you see picture after picture, day after day of men with bodies that look exactly the same as each other.

    It all has a ripple effect and that’s never more apparent when you’re using a gay dating app. The amount of times I have been asked for a “body pic” and when I say no, it’s either usually no more reply or “is it cos you’re fat?” and by “fat” it now generally means you don’t have a toned or muscled body. I find that incredibly sad and worrying.

    There are plenty of attractive men out there that don’t have 6-day-a-week-gym-bodies but you wouldn’t know they existed, and you won’t see them on the cover of magazines or in silly “Top 10 Hunks” columns.

    We have been wiped out in terms of media, we don’t exist anymore, we are dead.

    Perhaps it’s time for the gay media to take some responsibility and start including people who don’t have those “desirable” muscles and bodies in their photo-shoots, imagine how incredible that would be, how liberating the positive long-term effects it would have.

    In the 21st century we are finally starting to be awarded the equal rights that any human being should have, but what good is equality when a large part of the community is increasingly being isolated or forgotten about by gay / social media.

    Most gay men don’t have the perfect body, or the perfect job with a jet-setting lifestyle that all gay men apparently seem to have and if we don’t we are constantly trying to be sold that lifestyle whether you like it or not.

    There is nothing wrong with being “Mr Average” with a perfectly normal non-gym body.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Becoming body confident

    My name is Daniel Browne and I am a fat bastard. I say this not to shock or to gain sympathy from people telling me that I am not fat and should not put myself down. I say it because I have come to the realisation that this is how I am and I now accept it.

    For years I loathed myself and the way I looked. I spent a large amount of time on diets and following weight loss plans with little results. Then one day something changed in my mind. I began to realise that the self-loathing did not come from within; it was external pressure that had caused it.

    Flicking through various fag rags I was faced with page after page of so-called hot men with all their muscles and smooth bodies on show. I felt inferior. In the media we are fed gorgeous men. We are also told how to dress, what we should be eating, which exercises we should do, and it goes on and on. I used to lap it all up and dream of becoming an Adonis if only I could stick to what the media was telling me. Now I think it’s a load of rubbish.

    I’m not alone in disliking the way I looked. Research carried out by The Gay UK has shown that 58% of gay men are not happy with their bodies. I believe the media has to take some of the blame for this. We are fed images of men with fantastic bodies, but it’s not the norm. The majority of people do not look like that.

    Then there’s the scene… The gay scene has its pros and cons, but a massive down point to it is the focus on youth and having the perfect body. It’s grotesque and I believe it is causing harm to gay people. On the gay scene, I have faced abuse for being overweight and someone once told me that the only way I will lose weight is if I become bulimic. Also on one occasion, I was turned down by a guy for being “fat”. That same guy came on to me a couple of years later when I had lost three stone. That time I turned him down for being a “twat”.

    I felt great for having done that but inside I was still suffering and continued to hate myself.
    I was slim and had one of those fantastic bodies until the age of 19. At that point, I fell into a deep depression and one day went to bed for six months. The weight piled on and I went from being fit to morbidly obese in a short space of time. Since then I have struggled to lose the excess weight. I could write a whole list of reasons why I have not managed to restore my body to its former glory, but the truth is that I was unhappy and had no motivation.

    Over time I have seen various therapists and then trained to become one myself. It was during the training that my mind-set began to change. During those three years I learnt so much about myself and human behaviour, and learnt that many of the issues I had were about what other people thought. I entertained people’s opinions and took them as the truth. I guess if you are told you’re fat and ugly enough times you start to believe it.

    Ten years after falling into depression and putting on a considerable amount of weight, I am still fat, albeit now a couple of stone lighter. However, more importantly I am a much happier person. I know that my body isn’t perfect and I should probably do something about that. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. But if I do it will be on my own terms and not because someone says I should look a certain way. And that is how to live life; on your own terms.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | Why gay men will never be happy with their bodies (or will they?)

    How many of us are never completely happy with our bodies? There’s a clouded grey area between what I wish I looked like and how good I can realistically look. This is probably the same for gay men, straight men, straight women and even lesbians alike. As with all factors of our lives, there’s always the strive for better or more.

    After working in gyms and health clubs for the better part of three years I’ve found that even the hunkiest of personal trainers will have body envy over someone else. You’ll hear, I wish I had that guys chest, calves, abs, lats, etc all the time even when their physiques are pretty spectacular to start with.

    The difference with us gays and our self-image is that we have a constant point of referral to how good we look everytime we lust after a hottie (which if you’re like me is about every 10 minutes). Whenever a scrumptious looking man walks past with his guns out, half of us thinks we wanna hit that and the other half thinks we oughtta hit the gym in order to look like that.

    Another terrible moment of body image fear is when you get to disrobe with another hottie and staring back at you is a fun house mirror image of what you really hoped you’d look like by now. And even if the guy standing naked in front of you looks like Alcide the werewolf from True Blood; all you’re thinking about is how on your best day you’re more like Sam Merlott. If you’re not a True Blood fan then Google those characters and you’ll see what I mean; I recommend adding the word ‘naked’ or ‘topless’ afterwards in order to get a true representation of what I’m talking about.

    There has been plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest that gay men also struggle with a significant degree of self-hatred. Whether your childhood and coming out was dramatic or a breeze there would have been a point when you hated the strange feelings you were starting to recognise as being gay. This means that by definition gay men are less likely to be happy with ourselves and so will influence ever aspect of our lives from who we date, who we spend time with and the work that we do. In other words sleeping with uggos in order to get validation (tell me you haven’t done it), working out every day of the week and denying yourself carbs in an effort to look perfect. Self-hatred on any scale makes us more susceptible to having an external-identity; meaning that we place more emphasis on how others see us rather than how we see ourselves.

    Research has show that, not surprisingly, gay men and straight women have the most negative body images and that straight men and lesbians are the most comfortable with their bodies. However, unlike straight women who have a good chance of finding someone who loves them even though they don’t look like a movie star (because straight men are less focused on body image), gay men will often have a difficult time finding someone who isn’t overly-focused on body image and therefore help them overcome body dysmorphic beliefs. How many times have you dismissed someone for being a little chubby or you’ve been dismissed because you’re not a grade-A gym hottie? It’s par for the course in the gay dating world for hotties to only date equally hot men; thus making the stereotype even harder to break.

    When I started travelling I wasn’t able to be in a regular gym routine and didn’t eat healthy, ok fine I probably didn’t need to have chocolate biscuits for breakfast but I figured in for a penny in for a pound… and man did the pounds pile on. I managed to gain a stone in a month and had no one to blame but… everyone else in the world! Man boobs aside the 6 months I spent in Dubai did give me the chance to focus on something other than how much I weighed. There was nothing I could do about it, with no money for a gym membership, no room to properly exercise, not even the possibility to go out for a walk in the 45 degree heat, I just had to learn to love my fat. It was incredibly frustrating but at the same time it was very freeing. How long have you been harbouring weight loss/gain goals? How many years have you spent deeming your life not a complete success because you didn’t have a six-pack? How many years will it be until you finally realise that a six-pack won’t bring you happiness, it will only bring you hunger?

    Personally I found great comfort in Hugh Jackman … not in that way… although I wouldn’t say no. Hugh was one of the first body transformations that I’d read about for men training for a role. And while the man looks fantastic (go on, Google him, say it’s research and enjoy) his training regime and diet is insane. It highlights that what Hollywoods shows us is most definitely art, not real life. While it is possible to train hard and look like Wolverine it involves waking up at 4:30am to eat salmon so that you have enough protein in your diet, training for several hours everyday, eating 6,000 calories as day of miserable food and getting paid to do it rather than paying to do it. It’s his job; he wouldn’t do it if he didn’t have to and couldn’t get the results without someone to do it for him.

    So give yourself a break and learn to love your fat.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.