The COVID pandemic has had a deep impact on older members of the LGBT+ community a new report has found with nearly 40 per cent saying that they feel more lonely than usual.
The report, by the charity, Opening Doors London revealed that the UK’s lockdowns due to the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic, have had a severe impact on older gay, lesbian, bi and transgender people as they are less likely than their heterosexual peers to have the support of children or other family members.
According to the charity, during the first six weeks of lockdown back in March, staff and volunteers of Opening Doors London made over 1,000 phone calls to members and reconfigured essential services to address their needs. Normally the charity organises activity groups and other social interactions, all of which had to come to an abrupt halt when the Government mandated a national lockdown in March.
During their phone calls, Opening Doors found that half of the respondents reported that the lockdown had caused a “negative impact on their psychological wellbeing”.
Nearly a quarter (23%) said that their physical health had worsened, while 27% said they felt they never have someone to talk to.
Sadly, nearly 40 per cent (37%) said that they felt more lonely than usual as lockdown meant that people were able to socialise in the normal ways.
One gay man in his 60s told the charity, “I feel more depressed than usual and I have thoughts of suicide coming into my mind” while another added, “I have found myself becoming tearful for no reason at all”
“Covid-19 and lockdown has disproportionately increased psychological distress and other vulnerabilities among many older LGBT+ people,” said Prof Ben Thomas. “Many have been forgotten or overlooked. It’s time statutory services and local communities stepped up to meet their needs, and provide care and support, connection and interaction.”
A man in his late 60s has launched a legal battle to try and lower his age from 69 to 49.
Emile Ratelband is arguing that if people can legally change their gender then he should be able to legally change his age.
According to Sky News, the Dutch entrepreneur wants to change his date of birth after his doctors advised him that he has a body of a 45-year-old. He says he wants to change his birthday from 11th March 1949 to 11th March 1969.
Ratelband is using the argument if transgender people can legally change their gender then he should be able to change his age.
Ratelband told De Telegraaf: “You can change your name. You can change your gender. Why not your age? Nowhere are you so discriminated against as with your age.”
He has also cited that he has been on the receiving end of discrimination, particularly when it comes to employment and his love life. He said, “When I’m 69, I am limited. If I’m 49, then I can buy a new house, drive a different car. I can take up more work.
“When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.”
The case is being heard in Arnhem, Gelderland, where it is expected to last for up to four weeks.
If you’re wondering why your penis seems to be shrinking, apparently, it’s probably because of your FUPA.
We have a lot of data about the size of men’s penises, we even know where the UK fits in compared to the rest of the world, however penis size from 60 years ago is near impossible to obtain, so finding out whether our penises are getting smaller as we age, is difficult to compare to previous generations of men.
However, it is suggested that perhaps because we are living longer up to 30 years longer, (one in three of us now lives past the age of 100), and are weighing a lot more than we used to.
What the hell is a FUPA?
This means that as we get older unless we retain good health and a flat tummy, our penises could be shrouded in fat. Above the penis where your pubic hair grows, there is what some people call a fat pad. Some call it the FUPA (Fat Upper Pubic Area).
There’s an old adage that for every stone you lose you gain an inch down there – well technically that could be true – depending on the size of your FUPA. It could be actually hiding the first inch or two of your penis.
An article by Doctor Phil Hammond for the Telegraph has suggested that perhaps our manhoods are getting smaller because of our bellies.
“A big belly makes your penis look smaller, and if you can’t see it at all when you look down you need to get a grip quickly. You’re at high risk of type two diabetes and arterial disease, which can also affect the frequency and firmness of your erections.
“The bottom line is that a good erection is a sign of good physical and mental health, but for most women, your smile and smell are far more important than actual size.”
Cosmeticare.com suggests that there are numerous ways to help you rid yourself of the FUPA, including: reducing your stress levels, getting a better diet – rich in fruit and whole grains, anti-inflammatory foods such as watery veg, but also cosmetic procedures including freezing your fat or liposuction.
Can exercise help?
(C) BIGSTOCK
There’s always exercise as well, GayFitnessUK.com suggests a range of ideas to help you shed body fat, adding, “Cutting body fat can be difficult, and staying on a healthy nutritious diet can be tough and at times de-motivating. Allow yourself treats every now and then, but try and stick to your healthy diet and workout plan at least 90% of the time. And once you reach your goal, don’t fall back to old habits. It’s better to stay on the nutritious path you’ve carved out for yourself in order to keep the results!”
Four in 10 over 50s have experienced age discrimination, according to a survey.
(C) BIGSTOCK
A study of 50,000 Brits aged over 50 found one in 10 have felt ‘isolated’ and left out of team bonding exercises, social events and meetings at work.
And 62 per cent believe they have lost out on jobs due to their age.
One in 10 have even faced negative remarks about how old they are from their colleagues or manager.
Government to consider whether ageism could be considered as a hate crime.
The study was conducted by SunLife as the Government announces a review of whether hate crime offences could include ageist attitudes and behaviour.
It also found that as well as experiencing age discrimination themselves, almost a third have witnessed someone else being subjected to it.
SunLife director of marketing Ian Atkinson said, “Age discrimination and ageist language continues to be a challenge for many people.
“The average age in the UK is higher than it’s ever been and there are more people over 50 in the UK – around 24,440,415 – than ever too.
“So, it’s disheartening to think that in 2018 so much ageism still abounds.
“It’s also very odd to see how some people discriminate against a group they hope to one day join.”
Fifteen per cent of those polled also claim to have experienced discrimination in the health sector by being refused referrals because of how they old they were.
A further one in five believe they have experienced discrimination at the hands of their insurers, being landed with higher rates due to their age.
And this figure increases to one in three, once people reach 75 years or older.
Underrepresented in the media
(C) ITV – Vicious from ITV was one of the very few television shows which featured a gay couple over the age of 50. It has since been cancelled by the TV company.
The research also found a vast swathe of over 50s say they are under-represented in TV shows and films, with two-thirds believing there should be more older people on the box.
Seventy-two per cent of those surveyed think the representation of their age group in the media is negative, and gets worse the older you get.
And 59 per cent feel ignored by brands and advertisers.
More than a third of respondents believe their demographic isn’t catered to properly by the fashion industry, 24 per cent feel ignored by tech brands and around one in six feel neglected by health and beauty firms.
However, despite perceived ageism in the UK, 78 per cent ‘couldn’t care less’ what others think of them since turning 50.
And after hitting the age milestone, around six in 10 say they enjoy life more and believe it gets better the older you get.
LGBT Number3, North Devon Sunrise and Drink Wise, Age Well Devon have joined forces to relaunch the ‘ComeOut’ group to provide members of the LGBT+ community across North Devon with the opportunity to get together to enjoy events, activities, workshops, talks and counselling in Barnstaple on the first Saturday of every month.
The initiative from North Devon’s ‘Arm in Arm’ partnership has been a long time in the planning, and if last month’s launch event at the Sunrise Centre in Barnstaple is anything to go by will be much in demand.
Ahead of the group’s first get-together on Saturday, 7th April, Darren Walker of Drink Wise, Age Well said, “Our programme was set up in Devon to help people aged 50 plus make healthier choices about alcohol, and one of the findings of an initial study we did was that people with fulfilling hobbies and interests are far more likely to be able to cut back than those who don’t. We are delighted therefore to be joining with LGBT Number3 and Sunrise to offer a wide range of fun, fulfilling and inspirational activities to LGBT+ people of all ages from across North Devon.”
Ken Cornish of LGBT Number3 commented, “We are really excited about taking the ComeOut group to new heights, providing counselling, workshops, wellbeing, coffee and chat, plus guest speakers and day trips – really embracing the community and getting everyone involved. Bring your friends along – you don’t have to be LGBT+ to become a part of something special!”
Naomi Chunilal, Manager of North Devon Sunrise added, “We are delighted to be working in partnership with Arm in Arm to relaunch the ComeOut group in Barnstaple for the LGBT+ community across the South West. We are very aware that there are very few other social activities and networks in Northern Devon for the LGBT+ community. We hope the ComeOut group becomes a vibrant LGBT+ social hub where everyone is welcome of all ages, backgrounds and identities from the LGBT+ community across the region.”
A survey of almost 17,000 people aged 50 plus about their drinking habits, carried out for Drink Wise, Age Well in 2015, found that older adults who are LGBT; not married, partnered, or cohabiting; live alone, or who have a longstanding illness or disability are more likely to be higher risk drinkers than those who are not. It also found that people who say they don’t engage in activities they find fulfilling are more than four times more likely to be higher risk drinkers.
The ComeOut group will meet in the Sunrise Centre on Castle Street in Barnstaple from 11 am to 1 pm on the first Saturday of every month. Entry is free and you should keep an eye on the group’s Facebook page www.facebook.com/ndcomeout for details of scheduled activities.
Am I a victim? Should older gay men be suing the government for psychological abuse? I am not waving the Rainbow flag whilst screaming “victim here!” It’s just a question about perspective.
Picture this – A young straight boy is dropped into a community of gay men and lesbians; then throughout his formative and adolescent years, he only ever witnesses scenes of affection and kissing between same-sex couples. He never sees any acts of sex and doesn’t know anything about it.
As the boy grows he feels he is different and recognises he has feelings for girls and wants to kiss and be affectionate with them, but knows this is not how the society he lives in functions.
Would his experience be that of a victim of grooming?
I came into a world that was profoundly and solely heterosexual or so I thought. I only ever saw kissing and cuddling between a man and a woman. It was all there was on television. Life seemed predetermined to grow up get a job a girlfriend, get married.
The answer to the question is no. I shouldn’t be suing the government. There is no retrospective implementation of compensation for a life lost or damaged whilst waiting for acceptance from society.
Sometimes it can feel like the world’s media is fixated on the achievements of the under 20s. The careers of those who are beyond the age of 25 don’t seem relevant, well we disagree.
Here are 10 gay and bisexual men whose careers totally bloomed after the age of 40, although some of them were already doing well before that!
Okay so RuPaul was already a star in his twenties, but, during the late 90s and 00s Ru’s career somewhat stalled. However the resurgence of Drag and more importantly, the part that Ru’s show Drag Race has played in giving drag its second wind puts Ru back on top.
Anderson Cooper, News Anchor and Reporter
Although Anderson has always been successful, thanks to his family line, (he’s an heir to the Vanderbilt empire) it wasn’t until he became the news anchor at CNN in 2003 that his star stock took off and he’s become steadily more and more successful since then. He’s now one of the most recognisable faces of news TV.
Bianca Del Rio, Drag Queen
CREDIT: kathclick / Bigstock
Bianca Del Rio / Roy Haylock was actually in his late 30s when his appearance and winning of RuPaul’s Drag Race made him a household name. Since turning 40 Roy and Bianca have been travelling the world performing in countless venues – Bianca even has her very own comedy feature-length movie, Hurricane Bianca.
We tread carefully here, as Giorgio hasn’t come out officially as gay or bisexual, but an interview in Vanity Fair in 2000 shed some light on his sexuality, when he said, “I have had women in my life. And sometimes men”.
Giorgio’s star was late rising. He showcased his first collection in 1975, when he was 41. Giorgio topped our richest list in 2015.
It wasn’t until the 80s that Calvin Klein clothing and the man himself became the fashion king that he is today, after all his company changed the way the world viewed underwear, anyone who has seen those Mark Walberg underwear pictures will know what we’re talking about. Although Calvin had success in his formative years, he was well into his 40s when it was arguably his underwear ranges and fragrances that turned his successes around.
Tim Cook became a household name when he took over the top job at Apple and he was into his 50s. He came out as gay in October 2014, becoming one of the most successful out CEOs in history.
Cyril Nri, Actor
CREDIT: Ben Blackall / Channel 4
Star of Channel 4’s Cucumber in 2015, Cyril, 54, starred in The Bill from 2002 until 2006. His career went astronomical again when he starred in Russell T Davies’ Cucumber making him a household name in the UK. SPOILER: His graphic murder in the show became one of the most talked about moments in queer TV history.
Harvey was known as one of life’s drifters, that is until he decided to go into politics in his mid-40s. Although only in the political arena for a few years before his murder at the age of 48, Harvey’s contribution to the LGBT movement has long been heralded as significant.
Dan Bucatinsky, Actor & TV Producer
In 2005 Dan helped bring The Comeback starring Lisa Kudrow to the world, cementing his position as a go-to producer in television. In 2013 he won a Primetime Emmy Award for his involvement in the hit TV drama Scandal.
Nick Denton Former (Gawker) Editor and Media Owner
Nick Denton, 49, was the founder of Gawker, which was one of the most powerful blog collectives on earth. In 2007 when he was 40 he entered the Sunday Times Rich List with an estimated worth of £140m. However, in 2016 Gawker ran into legal troubles and closed.
When I was young gay bars and nightclubs were at the height of popularity and exclusively gay. I had no trouble finding men and no intention of settling down with one. Why have the same meal every day when all the menu was there to be sampled?
In my 30s I struggled and became distant from the “scene.” It was at this juncture I discovered the part-time poof. Straight in everyday life, some even married; but all with a high sex drive, just needing a discrete and understanding friend. Some regulars lasted for years. This was in the days before the Internet and mobile phones. I was a safe option and a place to develop themes and try out new things they could never do anywhere else.
In my 40s I was a publican. It’s true, so often “The difference between a straight and gay man is about 8 pints”.
The problem is when sober, some feel they have been duped as they cannot accept self-responsibility and others can be convinced to do it again, but they want free beer. Free beer is never a good thing, it is just like paying for it and I was not up for that.
When I left the pub trade I entered a barren wasteland of no sex and no gay contact. The problem was I had committed the worst of gay sins by getting old and overweight.
Experience counts. I had quite a lot of the play with part-time poofs into kinks. Oh the delights of BDSM. I do like a younger man. Those who would never look at me twice in the real world, fall at my feet to serve when I am an expert in their fetishes. Now it seems I am to grow old disgracefully, an ageing kinkster in the twilight of his perversion.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
I am a 55-year-old gay man living in a small market town in Mid Devon. Until I made a move of around 10 miles, four years ago I had always been out and openly gay. I am not anymore.
I live in a complex where everyone is over 50. Older people I have met here seem to talk about homosexuality as it is defined by the physical act as a preemptive to being disgusted. It is not about being gay which as a term encompasses a lifestyle and personality.
As a single man, moving to a new place, I did not feel the need to define myself. The people where I live are generally not looking for a partner or to hook up and so my sexuality was assumed by them, and I did nothing to contradict what they thought of me.
I had known pride in being gay. I am proud of being around during a time of change for gay rights. I am proud to have equal rights. There comes a time though to move on, to integrate and to consolidate.
I feel every time the “runaway bus” of the acronym LGBT+ adds a letter, it is a “nail in the coffin” of acceptance. It seems that for every step forward a new cause is added and another divide created.
For me, it is about being gay. I am not the eternal campaigner. I feel every time the “runaway bus” of the acronym LGBT+ adds a letter, it is a “nail in the coffin” of acceptance. It seems that for every step forward a new cause is added and another divide created.
By inclusion, I am excluded. In the past, I could explain to people I was gay and get their acceptance. Now because of the marketing of LGBT+ and the media, it feels difficult to be a standalone gay as it comes with the baggage of so many deviances as to be abhorrent to an average person.
After so many years is it not the time to give it a rest? To stop ramming sexuality down the throat of the heterosexual masses. (The pun was intended for effect)
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I chose this subject forgetting what my age was. I snuggled down this evening under my crocheted blanket a friend made while l sipped on a camomile tea and thought about going over the hill.
The truth is l am. I’m heading towards 43. Bear with me and I might be able to explain it within this rambling.
You young ones can bugger off. Thirty isn’t over the hill. Thirty is the becoming of age. Your teen years through to the 20s are the ones where you are young, dumb and full of cum and self-exploring with what you actually like, dislike and what you won’t do. Home economics lessons never taught you all you needed to know about life in the kitchen. Who knew a strawberry soufflé could be so erotic while chomping down on an artic roll was not. We experimented. For me, a cucumber was best left as an extra to a Pimms and only good for the eyes you see through and not the one you sit on.
Heading towards my 43rd year I am plagued by creaking joints, a nerve in my arm that when it flares up I am in pain like I have never known for about 5 weeks and a decade of drinking sports drinks by the litre a day and sniffing poppers, while it hasn’t damaged my kidneys, I certainly wouldn’t be able to sell them on the black market. Occasionally I do wake with a mid-lower backache. My hair thankfully is my own with a flick grey here or there and I am able to cut my own toenails. Just.
But then there is the other thing that you get when you become 40 and over the hill. That’s contentment. If you have made the right choices, had a shit load of fun on the way but always kept an eye on the long-term outcome, you will find happiness within yourself. That there in itself is an ultimate goal. An undervalued goal too when I have spoken to youngsters about their hopes, dreams and aspirations. If you have to aim low, then do so. You’ll achieve more that way.
If you are lucky to have someone else, hopefully, it will be with them too. However as l have witnessed, if the significant other doesn’t have their eyes looking forward they can succumb to the all too familiar feelings of failure and ultimately bugger off looking for something that actually might not be there because had they turned around, they would have found it. Moral of the story is, become content as fast as possible.
So this leaves you in your 3rd decade of life. I wouldn’t go back there again. I’m not bloody stupid. But I wouldn’t want to miss out on anything that I did. I feel I achieved more than enough through that 3rd decade.
Drinking copious amounts of vodka was quite normal back then. A litre bottle in one sitting was quite the norm. The hangovers were never as savage as they are now. You didn’t do quite as many stupid things as you did in your 20s while fuelled up but you will do more than you will in your 40s. You’ll also be able to afford the better quality vodka and not the cheap tasting battery acid for the all-night offy. Being asked for ID is a thing of the past in your 30’s.
Being asked for ID is a thing of the past in your 30s.
You’ve got nightclubbing staying power babes, don’t you forget it. You’ve hit the clubs so many times, you know how to get high on the dance floor without using substances bought and sold in the toilets. You can choose your songs carefully, dance your socks off and then head to the bar when the key changes to something from One Direction. You may find you have a liking for OD later in life. I did with Tatjana “Santa Maria” I can’t stop dancing to it now. Back then l ruddy hated it.
Beige is a colour you’ll only associate with a Greggs’ pasty and not comfy trousers or a fluffy warm pull-over with roll top neckline. Colours are to be played with. The 30s is about statements and having the experience and balls to go out there and show the world.
You’ve also had love in the fast lane. If you do find lasting love in your 20s you’ll enjoy it more. 30s love comes with a level of maturity that you don’t have in your 20s. Going for coffee, art galleries and sigh seeing are things to enjoy. You wouldn’t dream of doing them in your 20s and I am not saying that you should. The mature human doesn’t want pissed up teens and 20 somethings ruining a stroll around Hyde Park and the V&A in London.
So cock off with your hiding of age, admit what you are.
Been there, done that and l tell you, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
You will, however, disguise your age. Being a mature student I disguised my early 30s by being late 20s. The girls at uni were obsessed with age. Come 40 and you’ll start shouting it from the rooftops that you made it that far. So cock off with your hiding of age, admit what you are. Been there, done that and l tell you, there is nothing to be ashamed of. In truth, the girls I went to uni with are now all in their 30s and settling down having babies. None of them are out drinking like I was so two finger salute to you 20 something youngsters, those in the 30s can handle it more than you realise.
And why can we handle it at 30? Because we are not over the hill. Our bodies heal just as fast. We have more cash in our pockets, WE have the nicer things. For my generation at least, we lived in different times. With each passing decade, it doesn’t always look like it becomes any easier for you lot.
By 38 the peak of the hill is getting close and you can see the clouds at the top but you can still cram in a bucket load of life in those remaining 104 weeks of 30. You’re not over the hill yet so what are you waiting for? Go on, bugger off… enjoy yourselves.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
The national charity Age UK has launched a new support group aimed at the LGBT community.
A new group set up by a North Tyneside charity is helping to bring members of the local LGBT community together.
With Newcastle celebrating Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender culture at Northern Pride last weekend, Age UK North Tyneside have launched a new over 50’s LGBT group for the Tyneside area.
After the success of Age UK North Tyneside’s trans group, which has run for five years, staff at the charity were approached to help launch an LGBT group for the area.
Age UK North Tyneside volunteer and community coordinator, Emily Houlder, said,
“We were delighted to be asked to get involved in this project for the local community.
“With very few groups available in the local area, especially for people of this age, we were more than happy to help.
“We undertook some online surveys which received very positive and supportive feedback towards the idea, so we quickly moved to get the group up and running.”
The first set of meetings have been arranged by Age UK staff but the group is led by the members themselves, who are now starting to plan their first activities and events.
Emily added,
“The group is open to all and is a great opportunity for members of the Tyneside LGBT community to come along, meet new people and share their interests.
“The first few sessions have been fantastic to be involved in and I look forward to seeing the group go from strength to strength over the next few months.”
The Age UK North Tyneside LGBT group runs fortnightly between 7-8.30pm, meeting at Whitley Bay Big Local, 305 Whitley Road, NE26 2HU, Whitley Bay with the next meeting taking place on Monday 7th August.
