THEGAYUK

Tag: Queer

All the latest breaking news on Queer. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on Queer.

  • COMMENT | What is ‘queer theory’ and why are people using it to become problematic?

    COMMENT | What is ‘queer theory’ and why are people using it to become problematic?

    Until a rather problematic article by Conservative Women writer, Caroline Ffiske appeared online recently, I must admit that I wasn’t very educated on the idea of “Queer Theory”. But apparently, it’s something that we all should familiarise ourselves with because we need to protect our children from it.

    Here we go again. Another homophobic article wrote by a privileged white person who really doesn’t have a fucking clue what they’re talking about.

    So, what exactly is “Queer Theory”. Well, according to Ffiske is it based on the 1960’s neo-Marxist idea that our sexual acts and sexual identities are ‘socially constructed’. Apparently, the focus of ‘queer theory’ is all about the personal and the private and what people deem as normal can be challenged as so form of social construct and that basically what goes on in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom and not be brought out into the light of day. The article then goes on to suggest that sex should remain as an “extraordinarily intimate act which touches our soul and goes to the heart of our human experience”. Clearly, she’s never had a one-night stand. Ffiske also goes on to imply that we are normalising and encouraging sex among teenagers.

    Let’s be very clear about this. Teenagers are going to have sex. They are going to have straight sex, gay-sex, threesomes, oral sex, anal sex because that’s what teenagers do. It’s not about normalising it; it’s a fact of life. I remember being a horny teenager and wanting to bone everything that was on two legs. Well, within reason. But isn’t your teenage years and your early adult years all about – experimenting? It’s about finding what you like and what you look for in a sexual partner. Your teenage years are about discovering who you are as a person. For some, that is quite straightforward, but for others, it’s a struggle. You grow into yourself as a person and sometimes that doesn’t fit with social stereotypes. Surely, we should be encouraging this exploration. We should encourage conversations for teenagers because that’s how we learn and break down social stigmas and prejudice.

    Laying the blame for sexual exploration at the door of the gays

    What Ffiske is actually doing, and probably doesn’t realise it, is laying the blame for encouraging sexual exploration at the door of the gays. Whilst it might be true that gay men can be very promiscuous and have multiple sexual partners during their life, it’s not fair to blame it on them. Historically, the queer theory was born out of a movement of living your life as the way you fit and how you want to. It’s about how you want to identify and isn’t having the choice to do that is the best thing for us to have in society. If you want to identify as a man or a woman or be trans, you’ve got that choice, because you have been struggling with the thoughts inside your head as a kid. It’s not been pushed on you, and the media don’t push it on anyone. It’s about education and allowing conversations to happen. Just because you don’t fit into a box, it doesn’t mean you are a freak and should be banished to an island. You should be allowed to live your own life as you want to. Bollocks to anyone else.

    Ffiske talks about sex, and specifically anal sex as being degrading. She says that “young women feel that they do want to take their virginity seriously and that their psychological well-being is at stake if they are encouraged not to do so”. Let’s look at this in the broader sense. The first time for anyone is going to be something that you remember because let’s be honest – it’s never the best. It’s often clumsy, clunky and extremely uncomfortable, but it’s a part of life. I’m not saying that people don’t take that decision lightly to become sexually active, but it’s not always as black and white as that. Teenagers are hormonal, they are going to have curiosities about sex. Isn’t it more dangerous not to educate them about it? Let’s look at teenage pregnancy in the states, for example, a study in 2019 by the American Journey of Public Health showed that in states where sex education is more abstinence-based, the education actually contributed to an increase in teenage pregnancies.

     Surely if we are not having more open conversations about safe, consensual sex then we’re doing the younger generation a disservice.

    The problem isn’t about over sexualising teenagers. The problem is really that people think they have a right to dictate and decide what’s best of other people when they have really not got a clue about what they might be going through. The ones that that feel threatened by queer theory are those that have absolutely no idea about what being different or being queer is all about. It’s not a walk in the park. It’s often a long dark road with bumps and kinks in it. Discovering where you fit into society. How you are accepted by society and what prejudices you’re gonna encounter.

    I want to side-step for just a second because I think this is important. It’s not just queer equality that is under threat from the right-wing. But equality as a whole is under threat when there are MPs in parliament like Ben Bradley who is calling on more rights for white straight men because he thinks that they are underrepresented. In a speech in the House of Commons this week; Bradley stood up, and with a very straight face, went on to moan that there is a minister for women but not men, complained about more women than men in higher education, and mourned the death of “banter”. He said that; “men are often talked about, all too often, as a problem that must be rectified”. Oh, Ben. Going on to then condemn the Equality Act as being “willfully and regularly misapplied across gender, race, and every other characteristic”. Asserting the importance of “holding the door open for a lady”, expecting a man to “provide for his family”, and “wanting to be a man’s man” who goes “down to the football at the weekend” and has “some banter with the lads”. Bradley then complained; “that banter is now bullying”.

    There is nothing that riles me more than a straight white man complaining that they aren’t represented.

    He’s clearly never experienced prejudice for being a straight white man. Bradley also went to say that he wants “straight equally protected as gay”. Can someone enlighten me, in how many countries you can be executed or imprisoned for being straight? Or how many victims there are of anti-straight hate crimes in the UK? Not surprisingly, the government have also ended funding aimed at reducing homophobic bullying of LGBT+ students in schools in England, just as new research by the Diversity Role Models (DRM) shows that just 27% of students think that their school is a safe space for classmates to be themselves. Leading LGBT+ charity Stonewall has started a new hashtag initiative allowing members of the community to tell people about their experiences at school. Have a read through some of the stories using hashtag #LGBTatSchool.  

    Back to queer theory though, Fiske’s article finishes with a quote from Oscar Wilde saying, “we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”. She thinks that Queer Theory is pulling us all into the gutter and diminishing rather than dignifying. Well, if we’re in the gutter, then the gutter to me is pretty fabulous. Come join us here – because we are living our best lives. But more importantly, take some time to educate yourself. It’s all very well to sit and say that you should do this, or you shouldn’t do that, but that’s not for us to decide – it’s up to the young person

    I’ve said this so many times now, but I just keep coming back to it. Education is the power to change. Educate our young people that there are different types of families. Educate our kids on the importance of safe sex. Encourage conversations between youngsters. Let them make the decisions that they want to make, but make sure they are given the facts. Not what you think is right. And if you feel threatened by queer theory, don’t just blast it as not the normal thing. Take some time to research about that being queer in 2020 is like and what queer relationships genuinely look like. You never know; you might learn something. It’s not about being a snowflake or being ‘woke’ but it’s about teaching our young people that equality a right – not a privilege.

  • COMMENT | Taking back the word Queer as an identity

    COMMENT | Taking back the word Queer as an identity

    If you look up the word “Queer” in the dictionary you find two separate explanations for it. The first is the original meaning of the word which is; strange; odd. Then there is the other explanation for it. It’s the other explanation that terrifies many LGBT people. Reclamation is messy. The word Queer holds so much power, in both its pain and its empowerment.

    I remember the first time I was called a queer across the playground at school by somebody who I didn’t particularly like. I still feel the sting in the words. For many, it is a word with so many negative connotations that bring back so many feelings of pain, resentment and hurt, and until very recently it did the same for me. Until I made a conscious decision to embrace it as a positive and a term of endearment.

    To reclaim the word and use it positively and inclusively, you have to accept and recognise the complications of the word. We have to accept that those taunts in the playground or the office happened, and we have to within ourselves accept that this is a word that is going to be around us for a long time. The moment we accept that it gives us the power to reclaim it. Queer is a word we should use with both respect and love

    Gender identity has been a massive talking point over the last few years, with people becoming more confident about living their lives their way and not giving any fucks. I’ve never been a fan of labelling oneself and putting myself in a box regarding the way I look and the way I act. I have always been a flamboyant person, pretty camp and very unique in my fashion taste. I like to bend the rules a little bit. What’s wrong with that? Nothing – it’s an expression, and it’s an extension of who I am. Queer seems to me like a more fluid term that matches the way I view my identity and my persona – which isn’t always a rigid thing.

    “For some, the word queer is just too painful to reclaim. It’s been used to defame and hurt so many times, that it’s hard for people to embrace.”

    It’s important to understand, that it’s not for everybody. For some, the word queer is just too painful to reclaim. It’s been used to defame and hurt so many times, that it’s hard for people to embrace. For a long time, I was very much like that. The number of times that I’ve had that term hurled at me in the street, or seen it used to describe who I was as a lesser human being. It’s about the way we use the word. Embracing the word Queer into the LGBTQ community encompasses a more diverse range of identities and experiences. It allows those who don’t wish to label themselves to feel a part of this family.

    To me, the definition of Queer is now; “describes sexual orientations and gender identities that are not exclusively heterosexual or cisgender”. What is not appropriate, is to still use the word as a slur.

    The gay community has this thing about labels. It’s almost a necessity to put yourself in a box. Whether you’re a top or bottom, a twink, otter, daddy, masc or femme. Labels have become synonymous within the gay community, but what is the difference between identities and labels? Simple; identities are about unique qualities of an individual – which is used to set themselves apart from others whereas labels are often more rigid and defined by stereotypes and expectations.

    [totalpoll id=”120589″]

    Remember, Queer is a label that is adopted by some and rejected by others, and it will probably stay that way, but we need to be more receptive how people wish to identify themselves. I think the younger generation are more tuned to that. I guess I’m in that funny demographic where for some its fine, and for others, it’s a word to be avoided as it still poses problems to some members of our community. It’s icky. I asked a few friends about what they thought about it and a lot of them were very against it because for them it’s so ingrained in them as a slur and it invokes so many unwanted and upsetting feelings.

    It’s also important to remember that some people feel, and I can understand, that queer is going to be a get out of jail card for ignorance if you don’t know somebody’s identity. Ask questions, but never assume. I would rather somebody took the time to ask questions and try to gain some form of understanding, rather than just put me in a box and leave it there. I’ve had the experience of this first-hand over the last couple of years. Outside of the column, and to pay the bills, I work in a very heterosexual industry, and I’m pretty sure for some of them I was one of the first openly gay people that they have met. I’ve had conversations with them, and they’ve taken time to ask questions and understand what makes me tick, and it was appreciated, because not only did they want to understand me, they wanted to expand their understanding. It’s encouraging to see this happen.

    If we are to truly reclaim the word, then we have to start with education. I’ve talked a lot about this in recent columns, but I think it’s essential. Education is the starting and the basis for true equality. If the use of the word queer as a derogatory term is condemned at an early age, and education encourages the use of the word more positively and inclusively then we are halfway there. As the older, more conservative generation dies out and is replaced by a more liberal demographic then we can improve the lives of queer people. There’s always going to be small-minded bigots in the world, and we have to accept that – we cannot change everyone’s minds.

    [totalpoll id=”120591″]

    I think that what I’m trying to say is that we have the freedom and the right to choose how we want to live our lives at the end of the day. If we want to identify as queer or as gay that’s up to us, or whether we wanted to identify as a toaster oven – we have the right to choose, and you have the right to be accepted as that. If I’m completely honest, I guess I’m coming around to the idea of using queer as a way to describe me. I’m not one hundred per cent there yet. But the more I discover parts of myself, then the more of me I understand. The change comes from within, you might not ever feel comfortable reclaiming queer and it’s fine but think about it for a while and you might just change your mind.

  • Is it okay to call gay men Queer?

    Is it okay to call gay men Queer?

    There’s a growing section of the LGBT+ community that is calling themselves Queer, but don’t assume that all people in the community want to be called that word.

    THEGAYUK.com has polled readers numerous time on whether the term queer is an acceptable term to describe themselves and each time the majority has rejected the term.

    In July 2017 we asked over 200 people whether they thought queer as an umbrella term for the LGBT+ community was acceptable and sixty percent did not. Some commented that the word was “triggering” and “deeply offensive”, particularly to men who identified as gay.

    Is okay to call gay men queer?
    rawpixel.com at Pexels

    The word queer is still used as a slur against many people in the community, particularly gay and bisexual men, and although some may refer to themselves in this way, it’s probably best not to use language that causes offence to others.

    Only seven percent of men surveyed thought that the term queer was acceptable.

    NEXT >>> What does THEGAYUK suggest?

    Pages: 1 2 3

  • BIG GAY GLOSSARY | Queer

    BIG GAY GLOSSARY | Queer

    What does queer mean?

    What does queer mean?

    Queer is a term which up until recently was a derogatory and aggressive term used to describe mainly homosexual men in the 19th century by heterosexual people. Many still find the term triggering and deeply offensive. The dictionary definition of the word means strange or odd.

    However, some people in the LGBT+ community have reclaimed the term and ascribe the word to describe their own identity. Some people and organisation have even started to use the word as an umbrella term for the entire LGBT+ community.

    Care should be taken by those not in the LGBT+ community in using the word. A recent poll undertaken by THEGAYUK, found that the majority of people did not find the word appropriate as an umbrella term.

    Can you expand this definition? Use the comments below and your answer could be used to expand or define this glossary entry.

    Check out more definitions in our Big Gay Glossary

  • Majority of LGBT+ questioned do not think the word Queer as an umbrella term is appropriate

    In a poll, by THEGAYUK sixty percent of LGBTs answered that they did not think that the word “queer” as an umbrella term was appropriate.

    The majority of LGBT+ people questioned in a recent poll by THEGAYUK revealed that people do not think the term “queer” is appropriate as an umbrella term for the community. The poll, which was made available on Twitter, was answered by over 500 people.

    The word queer has increasingly become prevalent as an umbrella term to describe LGBT+ people over the past three decades however many in the community find the word triggering and offensive.

    In a separate poll, the majority of people questioned (fifty-three percent) also found that non-LGBT organisations, such as the BBC, National Theatre, National Trust and the Tate Gallery that use the word “queer” to promote its programming of LGBT+ content was also inappropriate.

    “A label given to LGBT+ by Bigots”

    The word queer has a controversial history and is listed in the dictionary as an informal offensive noun to describe gay men. It was first used to mean homosexual in the late 19th century. It was used in a pejorative and offensive manner. Since the 1980s the term has developed to include people outside of homosexuality, but who fall outside of heterosexual norms.

    Many people still find the word offensive

    https://twitter.com/mstevnz/status/887328265358065664

    https://twitter.com/GRALambo/status/887408838734958599

     

     

    Others were happy for the term to be used by other people, but didn’t find that the word defined them.

    https://twitter.com/MrDanielBrowne/status/887292859262619648

     

    https://twitter.com/JossJaycoff/status/887512825119334400