THEGAYUK

Tag: Sex

All the latest breaking news on Sex. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on Sex.

  • OPINION | Are we to quick to slut shame?

    Slut, tramp, whore, slag, trollop, floozy, tart, Ho, skank, Loose, easy. All words that we use to describe someone of who is perceived as sexually promiscuous.

    Except we are not describing we are judging. We are perceiving someone that has sex and labelling them.
    Of course most times these descriptions were traditionally assigned to women. This is because a long time ago some men created a double standard. Men were allowed to enjoy sex, indeed virility was celebrated and seen as a positive thing.

    Last year it was okay to be Robin Thicke but not Miley Cyrus It’s based on hypocrisy. Sadly this practice has carried through to present day with some cultures even still practising female circumcision. As we are still living in a heteronormative society, we all grew up here and learnt these rules early on, so of course we carried over the practice into the gay world. We are still men after all.

    We need to stop the practice of slut-shaming.

    Why does the number of sexual partners someone has make any difference? If we are all still men then why does the double standard still exist? I speak from a position of being single for a long time and people having that perception of me to being in a relationship in present day? Have I changed as a person? No my circumstances have. But because I have a partner, I am suddenly viewed as acceptable.

    Do we slut shame because we perceive people as a threat? I mentioned the heteronormative world before, the acceptable thing for us to do is to grow up, find someone you love, settle down and have kids.

    Obviously biologically we have to skip the last step naturally, does the fear come from someone that has chosen to live outside the mainstream? Is it the same prejudice that used to apply to us being gay 50 years ago? Is the threat of the single sexually confident man about the fact they may tempt and seduce our partners away? We have to act pre-emptivly and attack them and let them know their place.

    We are deciding that they have loose morals and dismissing them. We have reduced them as to their sex life. We don’t care about them as a person. We disregard their hopes, dreams, career and more importantly we take away their voice. We assume that they simply live their lives that way because they are only interested in hedonism. For some people that may be true however for others it may be that they are doing it because they confuse sex with love. If a man will sleep with them they must desire them and love them on some level. This was certainly not my experience; sex is a basic human need and right. In this day and age nobody should care about your sex life as long as you respect your own body and health.

    The gay world we are subject to hyper-sexualised imagery. Bars are promoted by attractive men in their underwear and little else; the magazines we buy are filled with adverts for chat lines, saunas, escorts and porn. For most of our early lives we repressed our sexual desires only to come out and be told you can look but don’t touch. Slut shaming is not healthy, useful or productive for anyone. It feeds the fears of the people doing it and degrades the victim. As a minority that faces prejudice already we should know better.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OPINION | It’s time to have gay sex ed at school

    At my school, we hardly received a decent sexual education. The meagre things we were taught – were all about reproduction. You know the story; when a man and a woman love each-other very much etc. At one point they had a group of people come in to teach us all about the many many joys of celibacy (I know, I know)

    This was at a catholic school however, and I can’t say the same of all schools, some of you might have been wonderfully informed about the delicious details of sex.

    Even so, I found that when indeed we did speak about sex in school, it was all about sex between a man and a woman (Quite often married).

    There was nothing that I could remember about intercourse that takes place between two men, or even two women for that matter.

    Believe it or not, when the celibacy buffs asked my classmates why people had sex, the only answer they got was: “To make babies”.

    I mean, really!?

    While this did provide us with the most basic knowledge of the mechanics of sex, there was little else for us to go on. It was almost as if the teachers were just sticking their fingers in their ears and singing.

    There was little explained about STIs, condoms, rape or unplanned pregnancies (Though being gay, I can’t say I cared about the fourth).

    This leads me onto another point; young gay people are not just realising that they’re gay at the age of 22.

    People are coming out young and they’re so ill informed about sex, it’s staggering. Luckily, I had older friends, and was rather well informed by them, and so I knew about using condoms, avoiding STIs and where to go if indeed I did think I’d contracted something from someone, however, this is sadly not always the case.

    For reasons unexplained, there was next to nothing told to us on the reasons for sex, such as love, lust, revenge on an ex or just plain old self esteem issues. It seems that young people were just having sex purely because their friends claimed they were all doing it. There was very little said on how we value ourselves and whether we were only having sex because we wanted to prove that we were likeable, which I think is quite upsetting.

    In a society that allows young people to be exposed to sexual images in the time it takes to click a mouse, and where persons on television and magazines are almost exclusively all bronze, buff gods and goddesses, is it truly wise to not teach young people to value themselves as an individual as well as in relationships?

    Thankfully, I had the nouse to look for this information myself, and grew to love and accept myself as an individual and have sex for the right reasons. Sadly though, many young gay men and women are not so well informed, and they can often go on to contract diseases, get raped, and in extreme cases die because of needless ignorance.

    Sexually transmitted diseases are not about to just go away, and nor will gay people. It is about time some changes were made to arm young gay people against the dangers of unsafe sex, and some care given to them so that they learn to love themselves before they consider engaging in intercourse. While the good people in the labs are working night and day to better be able to deal with disease, I think it’s high time the classroom started talking about gay sex.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Is sex the glue to a relationship?

    The usual scenario for guys connecting up is eye contact across a crowded room, or in a sauna or a street and so on. A quick glance up and down and phoarr I want more of that (sometimes the eyes don’t get past a certain bulge!).

    What we see is usually the first thing that attracts us to a potential mate. Granted there are occasions when there is no immediate physical attraction and the embryo relationship starts with the enjoyment of the person’s company and conversation. But these are few and far between so will not be considered for this article.

    You move to pounce. The old chat-up lines seem to work and you get on great. In the end, whether it takes that night (or in a sauna those 5 minutes) or a week, you end up in bed. Sometimes the sex is fine sometimes it’s great. But what has really happened is your cauldron of hormones has started bubbling and you begin to be drawn in to forming a relationship with this ‘god’. Hopefully, he feels the same too.

    Gay relationships are really not much different from straight ones. Physical attraction brings two people together. Perhaps the bedding stage may be slower with heterosexuals. Women tend to want to get to know the guy but the end result is the same. Some relationship scientists believe there are three stages in relationship development – lust, attraction and attachment. All stages involve hormones.

    The first stage – the ‘I’ve got to have him’ stage is driven mainly by testosterone. As the attraction develops and we become attracted to each other, the second stage, testosterone continues to drive things along but the hormones dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline become important. This is the period when we feel we’re ‘in love’. It’s the romantic period when the other person is in our minds most of the time. We just know they are the one.

    Dopamine focuses on the neurotransmitters and is not very different to some addictive drugs such as heroin because of the feel-good high it gives, the extra energy and a reduced need for sleep. Adrenaline increases heart beat which is why we feel more excited when we see or think of our loved one. And the increase in serotonin makes us feel a bit mad and contributes to our feelings of well-being and happiness.

    The third stage, attachment, sees another two hormones surface – oxytocin and vasopressin. This stage is vital if the relationship is to survive. But because of the addictive nature of the second stage, especially the production of dopamine, a lot of relationships don’t get this far. There is more contentment but less excitement. There is more intimacy but less explosions.

    Oxytocin is called the cuddling hormone. As human we tend to seek out touch from others. When we cuddle or just even touch the brain releases oxytocin which makes us feel calmer and helps us bond with that person. Have you ever had a bad day and found that cuddling your lover makes you forget everything? That’s oxytocin at work.

    So is sex the glue to a successful relationship? The answer is yes and no. If by relationship you mean an exciting six months of sex fuelled coupling then yes. But the effects don’t last and to have a successful, long term relationship you need to move into the attachment stage. However, because of the availability of fresh partners and the stimulating stage of first meets a lot of relationship, gay and straight, don’t last long.

    It takes work to move to the next stage and both partners need to want the slightly less exciting, but usually more fulfilling, longer term relationship. After the first six months or so, despite what is generally believed, the amount of sex declines. But something else grows and it is shared interests, mutual respect and trust, the quiet physical intimacy and emotional support that makes this next stage of a relationship so satisfying. This is the glue to long-term relationships.

    This article was taken from Issue 3 of TheGayUK

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • ADVICE | When he enters me… I lose my erection

    ADVICE | When he enters me… I lose my erection

    Hi guys

    I’m having erection issues. I’ve been in relationship for three years and the sex is still great and I get aroused and stiff quickly and solidly but on a number of occasions recently, as soon as he enters me, I lose my erection. What can you advise?

    cheers

    Jon

    Dear Jon,

    Thank you for your question. Firstly be reassured that plenty of people have issues like this so you are not alone.

    We have a specialist service at 56 Dean Street for people who suffer from erection problems, however, you would need to be referred in by your GP. You can get him to do this directly with a letter, or we have a form which you can collect and ask the GP to fill out before sending it back.

    Hopefully, this helps!

    Jenna