In the wake of the attack in Manchester, the UK’s threat level has been raised from severe to critical – the first time this has happened since June 2007.
But the nation doesn’t seem to be bothered, instead, getting into the spirit of the times by pointing out just what constitutes an actual threat to the British way of life. #BritishThreatLevels has been the top trending topic on UK Twitter for most of Wednesday, and the responses are bloody brill.
I’m a political nerd, so I immediately went to check out what the politicians and journalists were saying – and I wasn’t disappointed:
Here is the most marvellously British response to terrorism. #BritishThreatLevels
— James Cleverly (@JamesCleverly) May 24, 2017
Excuse me, but is this seat taken?#BritishThreatLevels
— Ruth Davidson (@RuthDavidsonMSP) May 24, 2017
You go in for one kiss cheek, they go in for two, and you practically headbutt each other #BritishThreatLevels
— Owen Jones? (@OwenJones84) May 24, 2017
https://twitter.com/RupertMyers/status/867325576964706304
Spotting a colleague waiting for a train on the same platform as you. #britishthreatlevels
— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) May 24, 2017
When you shoulder barge a child in a game of rugby and you end up becoming Foreign Secretary.#BritishThreatLevelspic.twitter.com/UBWZpt8K2v
— James Melville (@JamesMelville) May 24, 2017
Diane Abbott faced with an interviewer from the Office of Statistics #BritishThreatLevels
— Jeremy Corbin, Prime Minister (@CorbynSnap) May 24, 2017
But there were a few that any gay man can appreciate:
Swiping the wrong way in a gay man's phone #BritishThreatLevels
— Andrew Hoyland (@andrew_hoyland) May 24, 2017
#BritishThreatLevels Getting your 'piss to pint' routine synchronised with a stranger in the pub and repeatedly going to the Gents with them
— Mr D (@RichardBabley) May 24, 2017
See each other often on Grindr but never said hi and bumped into each other trying to pretend we're on our phones #britishThreatLevels
— GeckoKid ?️? (@GeckoKid_WOW) May 24, 2017
When you only end a text with one kiss x #BritishThreatLevels
— Kellie O'Gara (@LovelyShoes) May 24, 2017
Accidentally signing a business email with a kiss #BritishThreatLevels
— The Mc Daddies (@Mac_Daddies) May 24, 2017
At a party with your boyfriend and he's goes i'll be back in a minute make a friend #britishthreatlevels pic.twitter.com/EKkqvsvoWh
— Dan Ridsdale (@DanielRidsdale) May 24, 2017
Checking your balance after using contactless payments on a night out. #BritishThreatLevels
— el Gay…oh (@elgayo_ffl) May 24, 2017
And some that are just too true not to mention:
When someone starts a discussion on whether Jaffa Cakes are a cake or a biscuit #BritishThreatLevels
— This shit is Byrnanas (@ByrneBook) May 24, 2017
https://twitter.com/cjlatimer16/status/867370750155649024
When Americans make up words & say we're saying stuff wrong… We created the language. #BritishThreatLevels pic.twitter.com/jd3up5KZQ2
— G.J.D (@BrummieCanary) May 24, 2017
Removing the 'kind' from 'Kind Regards' in an email when someone's annoyed you. #BritishThreatLevels pic.twitter.com/ZpgE6TxxvM
— Amie (@A_johnston89) May 24, 2017
Suddenly remembering that you made a cup of tea 30 minutes ago and then downing it in one lukewarm go. #BritishThreatLevels
— James Melville (@JamesMelville) May 24, 2017
#BritishThreatLevels "The milk is off" which then escalates to – "and the shops are shut"
— Rob Fleming (@r0bfleming) May 24, 2017
On a day we all doubtlessly needed a laugh, you lot came through. Well done.
Skylar Baker-Jordan is THEGAYUK’s political contributing editor and has bylines at HuffPost, The Independent and the Daily Dot.